I'm bored.
I'm gonna try drug cigarettes
and also join a g*ng!
How about trying
football instead?
Yay!
You can discover
your love of football
at Reggie Dinkins'
MVP Football Camp.
It's free for kids in need
of money and fun.
'Cause football is
the real touchdown!
Reggie Dinkins' Football Camp ♪
Reggie Dinkins' Football Camp ♪
Fresh
I told you.
In 2004, you had
the straight hair,
and I had the afro.
Fascinating.
Now, can we get some
work things done?
OK. Have fun!
OK.
I told RussiaBet88 you're a no
for their "Even Losers Can Win"
campaign.
- Good call.
- Tucker Carlson called.
Wants to meet a Black person.
- No, thank you.
- Yeah.
Oh, and this one could be
a good opportunity.
Listening.
The Boys and Girls Club
of Newark wants
to auction off a lunch with you.
Hard pass.
Are you sure?
It's for charity.
The only people that bid
on those auctions
be Jets fans that want
to throw eggs at me.
What about doing that?
What, straighten my hair again?
I don't know.
People on the streets kept
calling me André 1000.
No, the football camp!
That field is still available.
OK, yeah.
Charity, kids.
A food desert, so no eggs.
When people see this,
they'll be like,
how could such a hard body
contain such a soft heart?
No, Reg,
the camp was never for PR.
If we do it again,
it's gonna be for the kids.
Just like back in the day.
Maybe you two have
gotten so caught up
in chasing what you lost
that you've forgotten
who you are.
I mean, maybe so.
I did like working
with those kids.
Maybe we get the same ones
to come back this time.
Reggie, that was 20 years ago.
They're grown up now.
Yup, new kids.
I have continued to try
to convince the NFL
to let me use game footage.
Their latest offer is a hard no.
But they have agreed to let me
say the words "Super Bowl,"
provided I have
a bowl of soup nearby.
But for a sports documentary,
we are,
uh, quite short on action.
Kick!
Brina, where's my shoe pole?
Let's do this.
Reggie Dinkins Football Camp.
When do kids start
needing jockstraps?
It's early now, right?
'Cause of milk?
- Who's my next victim?
- Come on up.
He don't bite, except me.
Basmati.
Ain't this some
Jerry Basmati and Reggie?
That rivalry was intense.
I mean, Reggie went to Rutgers,
Jerry went to Penn State.
Reggie played for the Jets,
Jerry played for the Dolphins.
Reggie endorsed Ex-Lax,
Jerry endorsed Imodium A-D.
They were Magic and Bird,
but both Black,
so Magic and Magic.
But after Reggie got
kicked out of football
That guy stole my life.
Jerry Basmati could
never stop me,
but now he's in
the Hall of Fame!
He's calling games
and co-hosting
a morning show
with a blonde lady named
Kylie or Kelly or something.
A dog that can vape?
That's coming up next
on "AM New Jersey."
That should be me.
Ten dollars more, I'll sign it.
Thank you very much.
Welcome to my world.
Let's get out of here.
I don't want to deal
with those fake-a*s people.
Holy smokes.
Reggie, Monica, Busty!
The Dinkins!
You know it's not Busty.
Boo!
Boo!
I hate you more than my job
I'm supposed to be at right now.
Now, now, now, now,
everyone be cool.
This man's a living legend.
He deserves our respect.
Come on over here, Reggie.
Come over here with your boy.
Reggie, come on, man.
How you doing, man?
Look, we all make mistakes,
and we all deserve
a second chance.
Plus, us brothers
gotta stick together.
Sure, we had beef
back in the day,
but we left that on the field.
What's with the cameras?
Making a movie, you know?
About the old days.
Also about my quest to solve
my uncle's m*rder, right?
But we're here
'cause I'm starting up
my old football camp again.
Mm.
As it says in Proverbs 22:6,
"Train up a child in the way
he should go,
and when he is old,
he will not depart from it."
Bible!
Monica!
Oh, my God, girl,
you look exactly the same.
It's so good to see you!
Oh, when are we gonna
go get dinner?
Yes, please! OK.
But, um, Jerry and I
are actually
taking the kids
on a mission trip to Haiti
to build a Sweetgreen,
but I will call you
when I get back.
My word, OK?
Reggie, Reggie, Reggie.
My man.
Can't believe how nice it was
to see the Basmatis.
Seriously?
Do you remember how
he used to drag you?
Reggie Dinkins is a punk
who wouldn't be nothing
without that O-line!
His "SNL" with Hoobastank
was a season low point.
The Basmatis are the worst.
Both of them.
I mean, sure, our husbands
are rivals on the field,
but I feel zero competition
with Monica.
And I don't care
what anyone says
she's nice and her teeth
don't look like a bear trap.
Come on, let it go.
You can't say she wasn't
being nice to you in there.
She said you haven't aged.
Yeah.
I don't know how,
but that was a dig.
Like, is she calling me
a vampire?
What the hell?
Dinkins!
What are you doing here, Jerry?
Hey, Reg, here's the thing.
I still hate you,
and I'm trying
to blow up your spot.
You like it?
It's gonna make yours
look like a Taco Bell
next to a Outback Steakhouse.
Is one of those supposed
to be better than the other?
I normally do my camp upstate,
but I couldn't resist
showing everyone
what a joke you are.
What happened to us brothers
gotta stick together?
That was for the crowd, man.
You think the Black community
is a monolith?
I'm an individual
with my own opinions,
and I hate your a*s.
If you use any of this,
I'll just say it was AI
and sue you to death.
Ooh, that's too many fingers.
Ain't that some
Jerry Basmati is two-faced,
like that Batman villain,
the Joker.
He seems all funny and charming.
Turns out, actually,
he's a bad guy.
Basmati has always been
a dirty player.
But my dad has always
gotten the best of him.
Especially on The Crotchdown.
I mean, I guess we still
can't show NFL stuff.
But, uh, one time,
Reggie tried to hurdle Basmati,
and he didn't get
all the way over.
And he just landed
perfectly on his shoulders
and then rode him
into the end zone.
Crotchdown!
Now, look, the Basmatis hate us,
and we hate them, believe me.
But the camp ain't about us.
So we're gonna do this
like Michelle Obama.
Wait we're gonna skip
Jimmy Carter's funeral?
No.
When they go low, we go high.
Oh, no way.
I'm not going high with Jerry.
The only way we're doing this
like the Obamas
is if I get to order
a drone strike
on the Basmati compound.
A rivalry rekindled.
Two aging gladiators face off
once again.
Their Colosseum?
A children's sport camp.
Look, I know it's not
exactly the Super
where is my soup?
No fair!
His kids don't even look
underprivileged.
There's nothing I love more
than giving back
to the community.
After all, you can't spell
"community" without,
"Mm, unity."
That man is crazy.
Oh, my word, Monica,
it's like you're following me.
Hi, Tisha.
Two days this week!
Yeah, I know.
It is such a gift
to help these kids
alongside our husbands.
Oh, I'm sorry,
I just get mixed up,
'cause you're not
married to him anymore,
and you're not
married to him yet.
It's like, is anyone married
around here but moi?
I'm sorry, Tisha,
but if you want to drag anyone,
you should drag yourself
back to Dr. Miami of Ohio
to make your hands
the same age as your face.
See y'all on the field.
Let's go, campers, let's go.
Come on, man!
Hey, I'm just teaching
these kids to play the game.
It's all about
visualizing your opponent.
Why do they have bats?
This is a football camp.
Man, why are you doing this?
You already have everything.
And you know why
I have all of that?
Because I know you want it.
When you won
the Heisman over me,
when you were drafted above me,
I took all of that personally,
and I never let it go.
Seems unhealthy.
And now that I'm out front,
I'm never giving it up.
Is this about The Crotchdown?
No.
I don't care about that dumb
"Mad Magazine" cover,
or that it was
the first-ever meme,
or that Jerry Crotchmati was
the best-selling
Halloween costume of 2004.
I never thought about it,
but yeah,
you never won anything
until I was gone.
You never beat me
on the football field,
not one time.
This is a time!
And this is a field.
So let's settle this
here and now.
My campers versus yours.
You wanna unleash the dog?
- Yeah.
- Well, you got him.
Yip, yip, woof, yip!
The hell was that?
Small dogs are the craziest.
Now get out of here!
Let's go!
OK, yeah.
I wanted action,
I am getting it.
Finally, literal conflict.
For the past two months,
I have done nothing
but eat, sleep, and breathe
this documentary.
And now look.
We are out in the world.
- Mm.
Sun is shining,
blood is pumping,
and something is
about to happen.
I can feel it.
- What you doin'?
- I'm just doing my thing.
I'm the director
in charge of all this.
What you doin'?
What was that with Tisha?
High road, remember?
I'm sorry, Monica.
I don't start fights,
but I do finish them.
Nobody talks to my friend
like that and get away with it
just 'cause they smiling.
Maybe it's a generational thing.
Before I learned to read,
I learned to read for filth.
Yeah, I get it.
And this might sound
a little old-fashioned,
but grace and poise.
I'm all about grace and poise,
but what has going high
ever got anybody?
Mitch McConnell ran
all over y'all.
So what do you want me to do?
Go up to Tisha and be all,
"I don't think so, girl,
"but you need to go
stand on your head
"and make that smile
the frown you should have,
'cause who you are inside
is bad, girl."
What would that accomplish?
That would accomplish nothing.
So please, could you do it
my way just for the day?
I mean, it's a camp.
It's for the kids.
Oh
Say, can you see
By the dawn's early light
- So you make movies?
- Mm.
You ever work
with Paul Giamatti?
That dude does not miss.
- Oh, I did meet Paul once.
- Nice.
Um, on a red carpet
at an award show.
OK.
Put on by the Academy.
Which one?
Of Motion Picture
Arts and Sciences.
Cool.
Yeah, it was the Oscars.
I I have an Oscar.
- Oh, damn.
- Yeah.
OK, now we gotta get out there
and destroy Jerry Basmati
's team!
Why? He's nice.
Uh, he raps the Bible
on "The Miss Janice Show."
Do unto others as you
Would have them do unto you
Break it down
That's an act.
He's the devil!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is not about
destroying anyone.
That's not who we are.
It's about having fun.
Having fun busting
the other team in the mouth!
Stop.
This camp is not about
our grudges,
it's about you.
You busting the other team
in the mouth!
No.
When they go low, we go high.
Why won't anybody Obama with me?
Yes, we can
bust the other team
in the mouth!
Let's go!
Yeah!
Halftime.
Monica!
Monica!
Do you need a hat?
I'm getting a lot of glare
off your forehead.
We have extra-larges.
No, thank you!
I will get you one!
I will get you one.
So sweet.
This sucks.
Your way sucks.
I have a Beyoncé quote
you might like.
I'm listening.
Always stay gracious.
The best revenge is your paper.
And we got our paper.
My family is taken care of.
You do handle that paper.
I got in early on Ozempic
after they started making
those pizzas where
the crust is churros.
- Oh!
- Turns out,
our kids actually
can't play football,
'cause we never taught them.
That's what doing
the football camp was for.
That was brutal.
Man, your campers are
even worse than I thought.
What do you want, Basmati?
You bore me, Reggie.
I'm bored.
How about this?
I'll go on TV Monday morning
and tell everyone
you're a great guy,
your camp doesn't suck,
and you actually deserve to be
in the Hall of Fame.
Really?
If those little
unflushed turds you coach
Jerry, damn.
Could just score one point.
How would you even score
just one point?
That makes no sense.
A safety on
a two-point conversion.
But whatever.
I mean, score any points.
Jeez, Busty.
- Oof.
Let's have some fun, kids!
Letters to Santa Claus?
- Yeah?
Just going in the trash.
I should let you
get back to work.
Oh, no, no.
This this is work.
I'm here to capture
everything that happens.
So please, tell me more
about your divorce.
And this Hector fellow,
is he strong?
Has he moved on?
Does he have a temper?
How strong is he?
Look, Arthur,
I got divorced two months ago.
And between work and basically
being a single mom,
I've been busy.
But two months
Is an awfully long time.
OK, good try.
Oh.
Do our kids not know the rules?
What the what?
I want to bring it back.
I want to bring it back.
I want to bring it
now I want to bring it back in.
Muskelgelee? Oh, hell no.
Y'all ever do signs before?
I can't tell.
Oh, yeah.
Wasn't Reggie their spokesman
for, like, 20 years?
That's not a coincidence.
She's messing with our paper.
Mm-hmm.
Which means she's not
just messing with me.
She's messing with
my whole damn family.
Oh, hi.
And how does that make you feel?
Like going over there
and saying,
"Hey, nice top!
Where'd you get it,
the toilet store?"
Let's go clear this trick.
Hey, hey.
Oh!
Let's go, campers!
Destroy!
Yeah!
Guys, score once!
You know, win one
for the Gipper!
Ronald Reagan?
Um, his record on mental health,
A*DS, the crack epidemic,
is hardly inspiring.
I need you to focus, nerd.
Listen up!
We are not going high today.
I want you to get out there
and do whatever it takes,
you hear me?
Get out there
and rip those Basmatis apart!
No mercy!
No.
Going high is exactly
what we're gonna do.
They've been stacking
the box against us
all game because
we have not once
gotten past
the line of scrimmage,
so they'll never see it
coming when we air it out.
A go route.
Luis, you got an arm.
I seen you throwing acorns
at a rat earlier.
That's what's up.
You our quarterback.
Everybody else, go long!
All: Yeah!
That's game.
That didn't work at all!
Damn!
Hey!
Nice top, where'd you get it?
Oh, my God.
I can't take you anymore.
You're seriously gonna
come over here
and compliment my top
after everything
I've done to you?
I am working so hard
to piss you off,
and nothing works.
Wait, what?
You've always been so superior!
With your career
and your self-esteem
and your child
that respects you.
So what if you're not
addicted to pills?
Do you think that makes you
better than the rest of us?
Go on.
Everything I do
just rolls off your back.
When I started that rumor about
Reggie cheating with Shakira,
you didn't say a word!
And when I said my birthday
was a costume party,
you just showed up
as Jack Sparrow
and enjoyed the party!
And the other day
when I said you hadn't aged,
clearly calling you a vampire,
you didn't even bat an eye.
You invited me to dinner!
Girl, you drive me crazy!
Ugh! Ugh!
Oh, my God!
The high road can be diabolical.
Grace and poise, Brina.
Great game, Reg.
Too bad someone's gotta lose, right?
So
how my a*s taste?
Bad!
Bye, kids! Stay in school!
Mwah.
Peace, y'all.
We out.
Hey, Coach.
Ugh, what?
It's over.
Go home.
Uh, but camp isn't supposed
to end till 4:00.
We want to keep playing.
For real?
Even though you lost by a lot?
And disappointed me, your hero?
It was still fun.
I've never been
on a team before.
I got a shirt!
And I've never seen
this much grass before,
or those really big grasses.
Do you mean trees?
OK, yeah.
Let's keep playing.
But first, huddle up.
Nah, this is not for that.
Turn the cameras off.
Great.
I'm gonna go get drunk.
Ah.
Ahh, what a match, eh?
I mean, the plays!
I couldn't pick a favorite,
so don't ask me.
Just good, good football.
Some have suggested
I was less than
professional today,
but I have nothing
to apologize for.
I said at the outset
I was looking for action,
and, well
I want to thank you guys.
For the past 20 years,
thinking about football
has made me think about
what was taken from me.
But what I thought I'd lost,
and what you guys are
just now finding,
it can never be taken from you.
'Cause it's here.
And being a part of a team?
Ooh!
It's the greatest feeling
in the world.
That's my fire.
And you guys have reignited
that here today.
You may hug your hero.
What a beautiful moment,
caught by our own
"AM New Jersey" cameras.
And how about
that Reggie Dinkins?
Maybe he deserves
a second chance after all.
Right, Jerry?
Maybe.
Well, I am
I mean, that was good, right?
You didn't mean
for anyone to see it,
so people know it's genuine,
and now Jerry Basmati said on TV
that you deserve
a second chance.
That's exactly what we wanted.
We know all that, Rusty.
Let the moment happen.
I grew up with, like,
ten brothers, OK?
I have a need to fill silences.
Up next,
a famous rock-and-roller
may not be who he claims.
Is Bon Jovi's Jon Bon Jovi
actually just
Perth Amboy native
John Francis Bongiovi?
Good night, everybody!
Good night
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