01x07 - The World is Full of Beaks

[bunniefuu]

She's blonde and white,

and yet, she's gone.

Oh, snap.

It's a new season of

"Blonde, White, and Gone."

Must be nice having a big TV.

Back in my day, our TV was just

a fish tank with a radio in it.

I'm not sure any

of the stories Dad tells

about his childhood are true.

Must be nice eating at a table.

We had to take turns

being a table.

Hey, Dad, can I borrow the car?

My pop's car was

just wood and rock.

And we had to power it

with our feet.

I feel like

he's starting to get mixed up

with stuff he saw on TV.

I have actually been wanting

to dig into your childhood

a little bit more, Reggie.

Maybe tomorrow

you could take me back to

- Don't say the hood.

- I wasn't going to.

I don't believe you.

It's a great idea.

Maybe we'll see Mr. Kotter

and the Sweathogs.

"NBA Crossover 3K"

wants to use my song.

I'ma be in a video game!

Oh, that game is dope.

In COVID bubble mode,

you can sneak away

to the strip club for wings.

Congrats, babe.

Which song?

It's a new one I did

with Jynnysyz.

- Run it up ♪

- Run it down ♪

Run it back, stack, stack ♪

That's beautiful.

Stack, stack.

I was lowkey giving up hope

on my music career taking off.

The industry is contracting.

But then somebody

from the video game company

heard our track

on Jynnysyz' OnlyFans.

God is good.

- All the time.

- They sent the contract,

and just to say it, Monica,

you were the one

who came up with the idea

of reading contracts.

So I already told them

you're my agent.

Oh, Brina, I don't know anything

about the music business.

It's brutal.

I got sampled back in 2002,

and I never even saw a dime.

Phone, play "Nighttime

expl*si*n" by The Oddities.

Ooh, daddy!

- That was you?

- That's a bop.

I was mic'd up during a game,

pulled my groin

kicking an extra point.

I guess Timbaland felt it?

Yeah.

They didn't even invite me

to the VMAs that year.

Elton John did my part.

Please, Monica.

Fine, fine.

Bring Jynnysyz by

my office later.

Yes!

Oh, daddy!

Monica grew up

in the fancy part of Sheepneck.

It was still a food desert,

but they had

all kind of beverages.

So you and Monica really had

a kind of a Romeo and Juliet

thing going on.

Yeah, including the part

where the priest poisoned her.

But that guy was

poisoning everybody.

Hey, Denise!

- Hi.

- Hi.

I I thought

I might run into you.

I mean, this is my mail route.

What you doing back

in Sheepneck, little man?

I am just making art.

You know me.

Not really.

But it's nice to see you.

Let's see the back.

- All right.

Okay.

Keeping it tight.

- Trying.

Well, I wish we weren't

both at work right now,

'cause I got keys

to a lot of package rooms.

But holla at me sometime.

- Yeah.

And at, you shall be hollered.

Hey, yo.

Is that the mom from my camp?

Uh, yeah.

Denise and I met there.

And and then again

the other day

when I came to the neighborhood

to sh**t B-roll.

Dig, tell you what.

I'm gonna help you

lock this down.

- No, no, no, no, no.

You don't need to do anything.

Just you were

telling me about how

you and Monica got together.

Denise!

Uh, hey, Reggie Dinkins!

What's up, girl?

How your boy doing

with the passing drills?

He good.

What you doing tonight?

You know, my boy Arthur

lives with me

in my mansion in Alpine.

What zip code is that?

Mm, fancy.

Why don't you come by?

Get some fried fish from Harlem,

watch a '70s monster movie,

or whatever you think

a chill date is.

Date? Word.

But I got Jason tonight,

'cause Hector gotta

meet up with his boys

to watch the Jake Paul,

Morgan Freeman fight, so

Well, next time then,

whenever I'm back in Sheepneck,

or you're in

Northern New Jersey.

Or we could meet

in the exact middle.

I looked it up on a map.

And it is the 9/11 Memorial.

Mm.

Okay.

Well, see you around.

- Yeah.

It's great to see you.

Oh. Oh, cool, very nice.

Yeah.

Oh, good morning.

And here's your coffee, baby.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You look exactly

like my girlfriend.

Okay, Shane.

Thanks.

And your guests

are already here.

Guests?

Monica, I can't believe

you turned down IDK

for this place.

Barry, what are you doing here?

- Didn't you know?

I rep Jynnysyz.

Stack, stack.

But you're a sports agent.

So are you.

But the "Crossover 3K"

cover boy, Kyrie Irving,

IDK just sold his memoir,

"If the Earth is Round,

Why Can't I Dunk It?"

And when I saw your name

on the licensing paperwork,

I couldn't resist

getting in on the deal.

Stack, stack.

Well, I reviewed the offer.

And apparently,

Akinyele got way more money

to use "Put It in Your Mouth"

in the new Kirby game.

Oh, we're happy with the offer,

but not the split.

50/50?

I was thinking more like 100/0.

Zero?

Like, Coke Zero?

J, we wrote that song together.

Well, my client says

you used her GarageBand

on her laptop in a coffee shop

where the baristas know her.

Yeah.

This guy says you're trying

to steal my song.

Your song? Okay.

Okay. Wait.

Barry, hey. Okay.

There's plenty to go around

if we just work together.

Oh, I thought you said you

didn't want to work with me.

Jynnysyz, Brina, look at

your phones for a minute.

Is this about me

not taking that job?

Come on.

Do you know what

you put me through?

I had to get all the IDK

partners to sign off on you,

then email them to say

you turned us down.

It was humiliating.

100/0, Monica.

That's our offer.

Stack, stack.

Okay.

Let's talk about

your time in Green Bay.

Cheese, cold.

Next question.

Oh, sorry.

What was that?

Uh, it was my dentist

wishing me happy birthday.

They have the wrong date.

They won't fix it.

But you was hoping

it was Denise, weren't you?

What kind of nasty stuff

she sending you?

Are you the blue?

Oh, no.

I know what this is.

You're treating that girl

like she's one

of your documentaries.

You're obsessed.

I am not discussing this

with you.

But just so you know, I don't

get obsessed with things, okay?

I get deeply interested in them,

whether that's my documentaries

or terrariums

or, briefly, parkour.

Aha! Mr. Ricochet here.

You know how I do.

It is a good trait for my work.

It's why I won an Academy Award.

Okay.

How's that work for you

with the shorties?

There was one shorty

who got complicated.

- Oh

- An unknown number

from Jupiter, Florida.

This could be her.

Hello? Uh-huh.

What is your

Social Security number?

Okay. That's enough, Reggie.

We can actually stop there.

Sorry. Barry's in a meeting.

I know he's not,

because he's live

on Instagram right now,

doing push-ups in his office.

You're in the background

of his shot.

- Okay.

So what rhymes with Jynnysyz?

Nemesis, no friend is this,

mom's tennis wrist,

Ruth's Chris,

Capital Grille, Peter Luger's.

You lost the thread

again, Rusty.

I told you we should

have got something to eat

before we started.

What are y'all doing?

We're trying to make

a diss track.

We gotta clap back at Jynnysyz

and then get steaks.

My friend just dropped this.

Queen Bri, she wack, wack ♪

Tell 'em I wrote stack, stack ♪

She's picking in my pockets ♪

But she's living in a palace ♪

With a washed old man ♪

Who's popping that Cialis ♪

You're stupid, and I hate you ♪

First off,

Reggie doesn't need Cialises.

And Jynnysyz is

richer than I am.

Her real name is Jenny Sussman.

And her dad is a famous doctor.

He's New York's

top twin separator.

Is there really a big enough

market for that procedure?

Brina, the beef is getting cold.

Okay? We gotta heat it up.

- Yeah.

Why you being so mean ♪

I thought we was friends ♪

Maybe I should give ♪

Give up music.

Actually, I just need a minute.

She didn't use any of my rhymes.

Reggie, I just realized that

yesterday we got footage of you

in front of your elementary

school and your high school,

but we neglected middle.

Sheepneck didn't have

a middle school.

We were loose those years.

You know what?

I think you want to go

back to Brooklyn

just to run in to Denise again.

What? No.

I would never use

the film like that.

Sit down, youngblood, sit down.

Do you know that movie

"He's Just Not That Into You"?

Now imagine flipping it.

Nah, it doesn't work.

Oh, my God.

You really think that you

have some insight

into my relationship

with Denise?

Relationship?

Bro, she dapped you.

So good to see you.

Well, when you do something

in slow motion,

of course it looks bad.

Not necessarily.

"Baywatch,"

walking away from explosions,

pouring syrup in commercials.

Okay, you know,

this is the last time

that we are gonna talk

about me, okay?

Denise and I have

a real connection.

- Uh-huh.

You ever done it in a bed?

No, but you're not there

when we're alone together, okay?

We both love jokes and food.

And we have a song.

It was playing in her

mail truck the first time we

It's the

"William Tell Overture,"

which would not have been

my first choice.

But my foot slipped, and I hit

the scan button, and

Arthur, you're a booty call.

And that's it.

And as a bro, I gotta tell you,

you're bugging out.

Okay. We are not bros.

That's not what this is.

And I am bugging in.

Dude!

Dude, I get it.

You've been stuck

in this house for months.

And then you meet somebody

that look like that?

I mean, it's not for me.

Yucky!

Brina's down the hall.

Look, after me and Monica split,

it was rough for a minute.

But then I had to get

back out there.

I posted up

in Washington Heights

and chatted it up

with the ladies.

I am not here to ride around

looking for random

hookups, Reggie.

I am here to work.

And I am very happy

with the Denise situation.

I hear you.

Documentary.

What about I take you

around the corner

and show you the house

I bought my mom

after I signed with the Jets?

- Yes!

That is what I'm talking about.

Thank you.

Baddies of Alpine,

who wants a piece of this?

Get

you lied to me.

- Yep.

My friend here has got an Oscar!

I am not a part of this.

Reggie, I'm sorry,

but I don't want you

wingman-ing for me.

Actually, I already am

in a relationship.

Not really, not like he wants!

He's looking for something

lasting and real!

Okay. This is ridiculous!

I can walk home from here.

Look at that little butt,

ladies!

My boy has got cupcake!

If Reggie was a shot in cricket,

he would be worth six runs

because he is out of bounds!

I'm afraid desperate measures

are required.

Hey, chat,

I'm here with my client,

the number one-ranked

pickleball player

in America, Ernie Slava.

Say hi, Ernie.

Barry!

Congrats.

You won't answer my call,

so you made me come to you.

You want to play me

for the deal?

No.

That's idiotic.

I want to have

a grown-up conversation.

Okay.

Statins, interest rates.

We're taking Mom's keys away.

Is that grown up enough for you?

I mean, it's too late anyway.

I just heard that

the game guys got fed up,

and the deal is dead, baby.

And you're happy about that?

That means neither

of us get anything!

Is it not clocking to you

that I'm standing on business

right now?

I only ever signed Jynnysyz

to make sure you got nothing.

I already dropped her.

You're seriously that petty?

You lose.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I paid $700 an hour

for this sesh.

What are you doing?

Recording more classy

pickleball behavior.

We never should have let

you people in here.

Hey, what do you mean,

you people?

Oh, are you not people?

- I went to Penn.

Your mom's a hooker.

- Sex work is real work.

- Oh, yeah?

What are you going

to do about it?

Do you know who I am?

- Yeah.

You're a dingbat.

Brina!

Have you seen Brina?

She's upstairs in her room

listening to The Cure.

I think she's sad.

But it might mean

something different

when it's not a white teenager?

Monica, you're on my YouTube.

You're an embarrassment

to racquet sports.

- Die in a fire.

- You die in a fire.

How is that on there?

Oh, my whole algorithm is

people yelling at each other.

I think I like it because

it reminds me of road trips

when I was a kid.

Rusty, that's not healthy.

People being horrible to each

other is not entertainment.

It's the only entertainment.

People are just fighting

now and filming it.

And I'm here for it.

Yeah.

People do like watching

other people fight.

I mean, Kendrick and Drake,

Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese.

Oh, you gotta see the beef

between 50 Cent and Colin Jost.

Well, come on, there's an ad.

Oh, God, I'm so bored!

Are you sick of

watching whatever shows

they want to watch and getting

beat up in fights they start?

Then say "hiyah!"

to your conjoined twin.

Wait, people buy ads

before these videos?

That means someone's

getting paid.

Come to me

before your twin does.

Hyah!

Brina!

It's clapback time!

The Upper East Side

is really going downhill

since the last time I was here.

This isn't the Upper East Side.

I changed the address

of your podiatrist's office

in your GPS.

You gave me no choice.

Oh, hell, no!

Whatever you're about to do

is a bad idea.

Wrong again.

I'm going to surprise Denise

at work with flowers.

That's why I smelled lilac

and baby's breath

the whole ride.

I thought I was having a stroke.

This is the kind

of romantic gesture

two people with

a real connection make.

Denise will love it,

which will prove that

you are wrong about us and me.

And then you can just stop

interfering in my life.

Okay.

When I was little,

I loved penguins.

My parents would take me to

the aquarium in Coney Island,

and I would beg to hug one.

Eventually, my moms realized

the only way I would learn

was to let me do it.

Those little b*stards

might be dressed up,

but they have beaks.

Arthur Tobin has to learn

for himself

that the world is full of beaks.

Arthur, this is my workplace!

I told you, you can't DJ

in a federal building!

- Okay, okay.

Just give me my mobile back.

- Hold on.

Are you that British dude?

Oh, I'm gonna k*ll you!

- Hector, no!

- Hector!

No.

I forgot she works with her ex!

I'll get a new phone.

Start the car!

Go, go, go!

For future reference,

a dap means it's casual!

Hey, y'all,

it's your girl Brina ♪

AKA Queen Bri ♪

Jynnysyz, I heard you got beef ♪

So let's throw it on the grill ♪

Ooh, daddy!

Cooking it up in the kitchen ♪

Jynnysyz, you better listen ♪

I'm on the track, and I'm running it back ♪

Here's my dunk, go ahead, kiss it ♪

Listen here, girl, we are not friends ♪

No ♪

And I know your daddy chop twins ♪

Hyah ♪

And I know you ain't got no man ♪

I know you sus cause you a Sussman ♪

Damn ♪

Ooh, daddy!

And Barry,

stick to pickleball, b*tch!

Mr. Ricochet ♪

You were right about this fish.

I'm right about a lot of things.

For 20 years, I've been saying

Gayle King gonna go to space.

So maybe you should

listen to me more.

I just don't know if I can.

I get it.

You don't want us to fall

into a magical n*gro cliché.

Oh, no, that was

well, yes, actually, absolutely.

But no.

I just mean when I get

obsessed with something,

I can't listen to reason.

I stopped making films

for three years at one point

to pursue

the shuffling lifestyle.

And I got pretty extreme

with Denise based on nothing.

Now imagine this

with someone toxic,

like Narcissa.

If you go back far enough,

we are all from Africa, man.

Oh, give me that mouth, baby!

Step on me.

You stay there, b*tch!

That was at the premiere

for "Kung Fu Panda 4."

Damn, you was lost in the sauce.

Because of her,

I lost my health,

my perfect Uber rating,

my Hollywood career.

If I hadn't left LA

without saying goodbye,

I truly don't know if

I'd even be alive right now.

Look, some people aren't

meant for real relationships.

You know, I'm a loner.

And I will die alone.

First of all,

everyone dies alone,

unless it's a Pompeii situation.

But you're not in Pompeii.

You're in Reggie Dinkins' car

with Reggie Dinkins,

who's been with you since

the day you got here.

Are you being nice or are

you wiping fish grease on me?

Two things can be true,

Arthur Tobin.

Uh, a "Deez" is here to see you.

Deez who?

Deez nuts!

Can't believe that worked.

Classic.

Hey, I saw your little video,

Monica.

Did you really think

that would get to me?

Well, you're here, aren't you?

I was just on my way

to Teterboro

and needed someplace

to drop a deuce.

Thanks for the bathroom key,

B-T-dubs.

Oh.

It was my pleasure, Mr. Nuts.

Monica, I love that

I got under your skin enough

to make that video.

Oh, I'm not upset.

The truth is,

I'm glad you're here.

See, we live in hateful times.

- I'm thriving.

- Which is why

people love beefs,

including Brina's,

so much so that

you can monetize the videos.

Monetize? Like money?

Mm.

Money's the best.

What's going on?

You turned Jynnysyz

and Brina against each other

just so I wouldn't make a penny.

But thanks to the fight

you started,

I've made 10% of $1,117,

which is enough to buy me

a one-way Southwest flight

to Baltimore.

No!

That is so much more than zero!

You are supposed to get zero.

You don't shrug at me.

I can still win this.

Hey, hey!

How would you like to make 250K?

Very much, sir!

Great.

You're my new assistant.

Let's roll.

Bye, honey.

I'll miss you.

Jeez. I am so sorry, Monica.

It's really uncanny.

I did some digging,

and he's not wrong.

Carmelo, you left

Buddy Bunny at my house.

I don't know who that is.

A rabbit?

I I guess just put him

in my bedroom and tuck him in.

Uh, but I don't know a rabbit.

We just broke $2,000.

Hey!

That's two bones

for Monie, baby.

Hey, oh.

This is my dream,

making money from my music

and then eventually

getting so famous from it

that I start a makeup line

and never have to do

music again.

Jynnysyz is still

slapping beef on the grill.

She rhymed Brina with hyena.

She said you k*lled Mufasa.

That is not funny.

It's okay.

We actually made up.

We're just keeping the beef

going for clicks.

I guess it's my turn.

Girl, you don't want this smoke ♪

You don't game like I game ♪

If you keep talking smack ♪

I'ma smack the vowels back in your name ♪

Huh!

Oh.

Okay.

Did you just make that up?

Yeah.

- Go get it, girl.

- Ooh!

All right, new phone,

fresh start with no Denise.

Reggie, from now on,

the only drama

you will get from me

are recommendations

for new programs on BritBox.

Oh, have you seen

"Mr. Bixley's Room"?

No. But it sounds amazing.

Mr. Tobin, there's a lady

here looking for you.

Artie! I found you!

No.

That's impossible.

Narcissa.

Twist!

The award-winning modern

retelling of "Oliver Twist"

is on BritBox!

What? What did I miss?

- Good night, everybody.

- Good night.