01x05 - Mr. Razzles

[bunniefuu]

"The next morning,
Ginger returned to that edge,

"waiting, hay gnashing
between her teeth.

"As she raised the g*n,
she measured the weight

of her heavy body against
the promise of a final end."

[applause]

Okay, so your story was
in the style of Sylvia Plath,

and it was about...

Suicidal horses.

They were horses!

That explains so much.

Okay, I was a little thrown off

because Ginger had the g*n.

And Piper worked
at the travel agency.

- Right.
- Great. Nice work, Maya.

We are done for today.
Good.

- That was fun.
- Good sh*t, Grg.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Spooner, is that my watch?

Yeah, you gave it to me
the other night

when we were partying,
and I taught you how to reset

your phone's ringtone
to something cool.

There is no way I would
have given you that watch.

That's Spooner's watch.

So, I'm giving it
to Spooner right now.

Let's get some beers.
Yay-yuh!

I still want it back.

- Oh.
- Hey, did you see Tommy today?

No, I didn't.

Thank you.

I didn't hate class today,
Mr. Russo.

Oh, thank you, Ronni,
that's very kind...

- Now, she's gone.
- She's right. I peep a new swag.

Well, got a solid
eight hours last night.

[Eva] Well, you don't
have to be shy.

You either got something
or you gave something.

I didn't... I wasn't getting
or giving.

Just... Just sleeping.

- Well, keep it up, shawty.
- Okay, Eva. Bye.

[♪ mellow music playing]

Rooster!

Tommy!
You weren't in class.

Yeah, sorry, I had an emergency.

Oh. What's going on?

Didn't think you'd
ask a follow-up.

- Learn to lie, young man.
- Okay.

[♪ mellow music continues]

Madam.

I thought you'd enjoy
a hot cup au chocolát.

Are you insane?
We're at work.

Why not just get
a neon sign that says,

"Cristle put her finger
in my butt."

- That was your finger?
- [Walt] Greg, join us.

Take it.

Say they're both yours.

Go.

- These are both mine.
- [Walt] Okay.

Uh, quick question
about your former spouse.

How would you
introduce Elizabeth?

Ah, well, she definitely doesn't
like it when I call her "my ex,"

but "my former wife"
sounds like I k*lled her,

so I usually just go with Beth.

Nice podcast, Greg.

I just meant, how should
I introduce her tomorrow?

We're planning
the dedication ceremony

for the Elizabeth Stoddard
Student Center,

which apparently
is a part of my job.

- [Greg] Mm.
- Moving down my list,

would you say that Elizabeth

is a relentlessly
aggressive predator

who will stop at nothing
to get what she wants?

That can't be on the list.

He thinks she's
coming for his job.

Oh, she would make
a great college president!

Hello? [whining]

Nope, not this college.

Her name should be
on the student center.

She raised all the money.

But this Green Initiative
of hers...

Now, the lights go off
in every academic building

automatically at 7 p.m.?
What are we, Quakers?

Is that something they do?

Look, if Beth wanted your job,
I wouldn't know.

Since our split, we really
haven't been in contact.

So, she made it
impossible to be close?

You made it impossible
to stay close.

Let's not do
the microexpression, please.

And if you must know, yeah.

I think that Beth
tried to keep it civil

so we could continue
to hang out as a family.

- But I couldn't do it.
- Why?

- A number of reasons.
- Name them.

- He doesn't wanna name 'em.
- Don't talk for Greg.

I don't want to name 'em.

Fair enough.

[straw slurping]
Ah, one down.

Wow, two hot chocolates.

- Yeah.
- What are you hiding?

[retreating footsteps]

[scoffs] So weird.

♪ Oh, I, oh, I ♪

♪ I played the fool ♪

♪ I laugh at me,
I'm trying, trying ♪

♪ Falling sometimes,
sometimes flying ♪

♪ Cry me an ocean
of one-liners ♪

♪ Cruel, cruel, cruel ♪

♪ Oh ♪

Why did you drag
that lame picture

- all the way from Florida?
- I don't know.

Just makes me happy
when I look at it.

Well, as an art historian,

if you paid more than $10 for that,
you got ripped off.

Ouch. Your mom
is coming this weekend.

I will keep her entertained.
You don't even have to see her.

[clearing throat]
Actually, I was thinking

that it might be fun
for the three of us to hang out.

Really?

- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, the last few times

I've seen you guys together
since the split

have not been super smooth.

- I know, I know, I know.
- And no judgment.

Well, there shouldn't
be judgment.

You burned down your house,

and I just said
mean things to my ex.

Wow.

I think I might be ready.

Then you should go for it.

I'm trying to figure out a way

to broach the topic
with your mom.

How do you spell "whazzup"?

- Jesus Christ, give me that.
- Wha... okay.

Before you send anything,
run it by me first.

- Yeah.
- Whoa, whoa, don't call...

[Katie] Hi, Mom, it's me,

- on Dad's phone.
- Oh, come on...

Uh, I was just thinking,

I think you should stay
at his house this weekend.

- What are you doing? Don't...
- No, I know.

[laughing]

He is like that.

No, the room isn't available.
Don't.

- Just hang it up.
- She wants to talk to you.

Be cool.

- Whazzup?!
- [mouthing] No.

- [chuckles] Hi. Yeah.
- [phone dings]

Uh, yes, I think
I can not be weird.

Okay.

[mouthing] Bye.

Well, not if I see you first.
That... No.

Bye.

[whispering] Whazzup?

And although Stalin and Lenin

both had different approaches
to governing,

they did still share
the same tomb.

Now, that's an odd couple comedy
that I'd pay to see.

- [students laughing]
- [knocking]

Um, Professor Bates,
can I have a word?

- Oh.
- [Archie] Of course.

We were just wrapping up,
anyway.

Spokoynoy nochi, everybody.

[both] Spokoynoy nochi.

- After you.
- Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Um, you need to stop
sending me eggplant emojis.

- Oh, you mean aubergines?
- [groaning]

What? I didn't even
put the little water drops afterwards.

- 'Cause I'm a gentleman.
- We are never having sex again.

Agreed.
Because we didn't have sex.

- We made love.
- Gross.

Oh, for f*ck's sake!
This sh*t again?

These are everywhere.
Do you know who's doing this?

I don't, I wish I did.
Then I would thank them.

'Cause it's like a little sign
telling me to stay away.

[bell tolling]

The one good thing that came
from us sleeping together

is that I have clarity.

I'm sorry if what I'm about
to say makes you sad,

but when we were together,
I felt nothing.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

I'm over you.

[lights clicking]

[both sighing, moaning]

[♪ upbeat music playing]

- Pants off.
- Okay. Just me?

[Archie grunting]

[students chattering]

[Walt]
Elizabeth Stoddard is a philanthropist,

a pioneer in corporate
gender equality,

and an accomplished CEO.

Or should I say She-E-O?

- [Katie] Oof.
- [person clearing throat]

My wife wrote that.
She's not here.

We're... We're so glad
that Beth could join us

for one day, and one day only.

Without further ado,

Elizabeth Stoddard,
class of '89.

[applause]

Thank you so much,
President Mann,

for those kind words.

And thank you all for being here
to welcome me, I guess,

to my student center?
Crazy, right?

[audience chuckles]

I kinda thought
my name would be bigger.

- [laughter]
- Who do I talk to about that?

I forgot how good
she is at this.

Dad, I'm right here.
You're screaming.

- I'm not... How am I screaming?
- [whispering] Stop.

Which is why I am
really looking forward

to being on campus
much more frequently,

- so that I can help lead our university...
- What the...

- People can see you.
- ...toward the future.

With the Green Initiative,
Ludlow is on track

to be the first ever
passive-energy campus

in all of New England.

- It's very excit...
- [ringtone playing "P.I.M.P." by 50 Cent]

- ♪ But a b*tch can't get a dollar outta me ♪
- Come on.

- Turn that off.
- [Elizabeth] Um...

- I'll wait. [chuckles]
- [Greg] So disrespectful...

- [Katie] It's your phone.
- ♪ ...motherfuckin' P.I.M.P. ♪

It's your phone.
Get your phone out!

- Oh, sh*t, it's my phone.
- It's your phone.

- [Greg sighs]
- ♪ No Cadillac, no... ♪

- [phone turning off]
- Okay, I got it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- Student changed my ringtone.
- Um, so, as I was saying,

- when we considered redesign...
- ["P.I.M.P." ringtone playing]

- Holy mackerel.
- Oh, my God.

- [ringtone stops]
- Turned it off.

- [Elizabeth] Great.
- Go for it.

[students chattering]

[sighs] It's just
so nostalgic being here.

Have you ever gotten high

and gone skinny dipping
in Cabot Fountain?

What? No.

- Me neither.
- Maybe we could do it

- together as a family.
- [Katie chuckles]

Hey, Rooster!
What up, bro?

Hey, Pig... Guy!

Oh, tell Spooner he needs
to change my ringtone back.

Ah, I got you.

His nickname is Pig Guy?

- No, it's much worse.
- The kids call you Rooster?

Yeah, some of the kids think
I'm kind of like my character.

[laughing] No way.
That's hysterical!

I don't think
it's that hysterical.

Mom, brace yourself,

but Dad's kinda hot sh*t
around here.

- [Elizabeth] Stop it!
- [Katie] Seriously!

The other day, I'm pretty sure

I caught him on a walk of shame.

- Oh.
- What?

- Tell me everything.
- No, no, no, no,

we're not gonna talk about that.

Notice how he's not denying it?

Mm-hmm, and also,
see how he's blushing.

- [chuckles] No.
- [Katie groaning]

I gotta go teach
Yonic Modernism.

I gotta go meet with Walt
so he can drag me around

- to the trustees.
- Wait a second.

We have to have a little
family fun night, yes?

- My schedule is packed.
- Oh, Mom, come on.

I will let you tell me about
hairstyles that don't suit me

because of the shape of my face.

- Not a bob. Never forget.
- Sure.

I'm not letting go
until you say yes.

- Sure.
- Yes!

- [laughing]
- Cool.

- Cool.
- That was too big a reaction.

- I am sorry.
- [Katie] Okay, bye.

- Wanna walk me to Walt's?
- Sure.

- Hello, Mo.
- Ah, you're home!

- [door closes]
- Shoes off, Prince Harry.

Christ, it's not
a f*cking dojo, is it?

How was it?
I wanna hear every detail.

I mean, the Big Apple.
Wow, never been.

Sorry, you've never been to New York?
That seems impossible.

That seems anti-Semitic.

How was the interviews?

Oh, yes.
How were the interviews?

A whole car ride,
nothing came up?

What did you talk about?

Talked mostly about his book.

- [exhales sharply]
- But honestly,

- I think I nailed 'em.
- [Mo] Yes!

- I was in the zone.
- Nice!

I was actually in the zone
myself this weekend, writing.

[British accent] We already...
moved back... to you?

It's called a conversation, Mo.
Sort of ebbs back and forth.

- Does it?
- [Archie] Yes, it does.

Do you wanna come
help me unpack?

[whispering]
"Unpack" means sex.

I probably would have
got that one, yeah.

I... I have office hours
in like 20 minutes, so...

I'll be back
before you know it, okay?

- Alright.
- No, I... Yeah, totally get it.

Yeah, okay.

[shoes creaking]

[normal voice]
Are your feet bigger

than when you came in?

Okay, alright.
Cheers, then.

[whispering]
f*cking sh*t.

- Uh, bye.
- [door closes]

He'll be gone at least an hour.

That's more than enough time
for us to change the locks,

have him out of our lives
forever.

I'm begging you.

I would still have
to see him on campus.

Come here.
[sighing]

f*ck that guy.

Yes, f*ck that guy.
Yes!

- [Walt] There they are.
- Ah.

- Elizabeth, great to see you.
- Sir, nice to see you.

- Won't you come in?
- Thank you. Excuse me.

First, sign here.

- Uh-huh.
- 'Kay.

Mr. Russo, before you go,

I need a signature
from you as well.

- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

[gasps] Holy moly.

Just a form saying you'll be
more professional at work.

- Ah! Mm.
- Initial here.

- [Greg] Here?
- Mm-hmm.

[Greg] This one?

- And here.
- [pen scribbling]

- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.

Dylan Shepard, Dean of Faculty.

- Dean of Faculty?
- Mm-hmm.

- Great.
- Well, just temporary.

Unless Riggs has to be
unplugged or something.

Wouldn't that be tragic?

Well, it is nice to see a woman

in a position of power
at this school.

In fact, wouldn't it be great
to have a woman

in this office, someday?

- Absolutely.
- [Greg sighs]

Elizabeth, Dylan will have to be
your escort this afternoon.

I'll be dealing with
our hockey coach

who is struggling
through some alcohol issues.

Actually, he just switched
to Michelob Ultra,

which we're choosing
to believe is a terrific sign.

Someone should still
probably keep an eye on him.

- Not it.
- Oh, Greg.

- What?
- Could help Coach?

- [Greg] Oh.
- He was a minor league hockey player...

- Bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap.
- ...when we first met.

Oh.

Isn't that interesting?

Because Greg told me
that he did not like hockey.

I said it's not my thing.

What I forgot to say
was "anymore."

I used to like hockey.
Now, I don't.

I saw you at a game.

You don't need to weigh in here.

[sputtering]
Okay.

Um, yes, I should have said
that I like hockey.

But I didn't because

I'm a little bit of
an introvert.

- And a liar.
- [clicking tongue]

Well, we could definitely
use your help.

[chuckles] I...

You always used to do this.

- Come on.
- Stop.

Ah, alright, yes.
Fine, I will help.

- Great, settled.
- [Elizabeth] Great.

- We should get going.
- Let's get going!

- Alright.
- I will see you later at the house.

[Elizabeth]
I will see you later, Coach.

Oh. [chuckles]

- What?
- I'm going to go

and get myself some lunch.

It's only like 10:30.

Betrayal makes me hungry, Greg.

Alright.

[♪ "A Little Respect"
by Erasure playing]

- [rustling]
- [footsteps approaching]

[marker squeaking]

♪ I try to discover ♪

♪ A little something
to make me sweeter ♪

Wait! You there.

Halt!

♪ From breaking my heart ♪

- Hey, hey! [grunting]
- ♪ I'm so in love with you ♪

♪ I'll be forever blue ♪

Somebody stop them!

♪ What religion or reason
could drive a man ♪

♪ To forsake his lover ♪

♪ Don't you tell me no ♪

♪ Don't you tell me no,
don't you tell me no ♪

♪ Don't you tell me no ♪

- ♪ Soul ♪
- [phone dings]

♪ I hear you calling ♪

♪ Oh, baby, please ♪

♪ Give a little respect ♪

♪ To me ♪

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[inhales sharply]

Hi. I'm Sunny.

Right.

Don't I know you
from f*cking my husband?

- Yes.
- Oh.

I wanted to apologize for that.

Well, you did it.
Problem solved.

I think what happened
is I never saw you as a real person.

Oh, good, there's more.

You were this abstract idea

from another time
in Archie's life.

Obviously, he still
has feelings for you.

How could he not?

I'm sure you don't completely
know how you feel about him.

All I know is
I f*cked up your life

and blew up every plan
I had for my own.

And there's only myself
to blame for that.

Well, you should also
blame him a little.

I do.

Thanks for your time.

[sighs] How are you?

I mean, with the whole...

Uh, how are you feeling?

So far, uh, scared mostly.

But we'll see, you know?

[whispering] What the f*ck?

I didn't want The Review
to go online.

You can do this.
Get The Review back.

You're the Dean of Faculty.

- Embrace your power.
- [Greg] Cheese plate!

- Comin' in hot.
- [Elizabeth] Ooh!

Of course, it has more nuts
than cheese.

- [both laughing]
- His diet is primarily nuts.

- Oh, he's a squirrel.
- I like nuts.

- [Dylan laughing]
- But I also like hot chocolate.

How did you drink both of those?

Yeah, that was too much.
I mean...

That's too much crunch,
too much sweet.

- You gonna get sick.
- [Greg] No, no... Oh!

Hey! Are... Are you... Is...

- Was it you two? Is this, uh...
- What now?

- Oh, no, no, no.
- [Dylan] Hm?

Apparently, he had
a one-nighter, so...

Oh, w... [chuckles]
It wasn't me.

I'm seeing somebody,
and he's great,

but boring, and a bad kisser,
and I hate him, but wait.

Who are you sleeping with?

You know... [chomps]

...if you get a cr*cker

that's big enough,
you can put a piece of cheese,

a fig, and a nut on it.

Oh, sh**t, Katie's upset
about something.

She wants me
to come talk to her.

You can just talk to her
when she gets here.

I don't think she's coming here.

Okay, hold on, hold on.
Alright, alright, alright.

Alright, let's just
be calm, um...

Could you text her back,
please, and tell her

that she made a commitment
to come here,

and that Dylan is excited
about playing games?

Wait, this is a game night?
Oh, sh...

- Uh, I... I hate games.
- It's... No, be calm, please.

- Uh-oh.
- Could we just be calm, please?

Greg, everybody's calm.

- Okay?
- Okay.

See, he gets an idea
in his head,

and if it doesn't happen
exactly the way he imagines it,

he starts to kind of freak out.

[slowly]
I am not freaking out.

Yeah, that's not
your regular voice.

And when he starts to,
like, slow it way down...

- Uh-huh?
- ...you are f*cked.

- And no, it's...
- And I would appreciate it...

- We're f*cked.
- ...if the two of you did not...

- [laughing] He's doing it!
- ...g*ng up on me.

- No games. No games.
- I'm so scared. I'm so...

- Stop it. Stop it.
- [Dylan] It's terrifying!

- [Elizabeth] We stopped it.
- Stop it, please.

[Elizabeth] Okay.
All I can say is,

I'm really glad that
he found you.

- [Dylan] Mm.
- As a friend.

When we were married,
he had, like, two friends.

Well, I only had one at the end

'cause you slept
with the other one.

[tray clinking]

Beth, would you care...
Do you want a fig?

I don't want that.

[Archie] God, I appreciate you
making the time, Walt,

but this heat
is just unbearable.

It's supposed
to be uncomfortable.

We do hard things
to make ourselves stronger.

I mean, look at those abs.

What do you do, a couple hundred
crunches a day for those things?

No, I'm not really keen
on any kind of exercise, truth be told.

I am resisting the urge
to strike you right now.

Hey, listen, this, um,
"for Katie" thing...

How did Sunny's interviews go?

Um... uh, yeah,
she said fine, I think.

And you didn't dig
any deeper than that, I suppose?

That's a lucky girl.

To... To be clear,
you're upset

because your precious little car
got painted again?

No, it was my dry erase board
this time.

Huh!

Someone's trying to get
under your skin,

and it's fizzling out, Archie.

And it won't continue unless
you put gasoline on the fire.

And let me tell you something,
you're gonna be tempted to

- because you're a weak, vain man.
- Hey.

I am not weak.

Resist the urge.

I hear you. [sighs]

Do you eat bread?

Pasta, too, yeah.

Quite into lasagna
at the minute,

but, um, I would never say no
to a gnocchi.

Uh, risotto. Ravioli.

[banging] Get out.
Just get out.

[banging continues]

[laughing]
Elizabeth, come on!

- Wh...
- Come on.

- What?
- We were just razzing each other.

You were razzing me,
I was razzing you.

It's me, Mr. Razzles.

You wanna be mad at me forever,
be mad at me forever.

But things weren't great
when I blew us up.

And I take responsibility
for that.

And, and I also feel terrible
that you were so lonely.

But I have a big life
and, and a career.

And it's not like I was just
gonna give that up

so that we could stare
into each other's eyes all day.

I'm sorry if you were
my best friend.

- Oh, come on, not... No.
- No.

- Don't do that.
- Oh, damn it!

No, no, no, no, I...

I didn't wanna rehash this
this weekend.

Then, why are we?

I don't know if we know
how to stop.

Beth, I am trying so hard to get to that
sweet spot with you

where we can be friends.

And I was doing pretty well
up until about ten minutes ago.

Just give me another chance,
come on.

I think we should
cut our losses and...

know that we did
the best we could.

I'm gonna go see Katie.

[door opens, closes]

My dad's being, like,

so unsupportive
about my singing lessons.

Do you know
what my potential is?

[Gina] Yeah, like,
you could have a career.

[Liv] Like, tell me...
♪ This doesn't sound good ♪

- Angelic.
- [Archie] Uh, hello.

Hi. Can I see you
in my office, please?

- Yeah, of course, yeah.
- Uh, no, I wasn't talking to you.

Uh...

- Gina.
- Gina. No, I was talking to Liv.

[mimicking Archie]
"Talking to Liv"?

Oh, yeah, I'll-I'll...

I'll be right there, for sure.
Right now.

Can you watch my bag?

Yeah, of course.

[soda splashing]

Why do I feel guilty for
sleeping with my own husband?

I might not be
the best person to ask

'cause I was,
you know, the Archie.

Just tell me what to do.

That's not me, I can't...

- G-Greg does the emotional stuff.
- Yeah.

- Right?
- Yeah, no, I know.

You're the dad,
he's the mom, whatever.

[scoffs]
I don't feel super comfortable

talking about my sex life
to Mrs. Doubtfire.

He'd die if he knew
I called him that.

Are you kidding me?
He loves that movie.

Well, I mean, any movie, really,

where a man
dresses up as a woman.

- The Birdcage.
- Birdcage. Yeah, sure.

I've kind of always done

whatever the hell
makes me happy,

which doesn't always
work for me,

but that's mostly 'cause
I'm pretty selfish.

- [sarcastically] You?
- I know.

- No.
- I know.

I know, shocking.

But the thing is, my dear,
you have the kindest heart.

[Katie sighs]

You might actually
be able to pull it off.

How was that?
Did that sound like something

a mom would say?

[chuckles]
I'm gonna ask Dad.

Oh, alright, f*ck it.
Yeah, do that.

[both laughing]

- [bell tolling]
- Do you know

why I've asked you here, Liv?

- Yeah, I think I do.
- What you've been doing recently

has been driving me
absolutely insane.

I mean, and I actually, uh...
[scoffs]

- I was warned not to do this. Um...
- No, no, no, no, no.

I, like, dated my high school
band teacher.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- I can be discreet.

- Wait, I beg your pardon?
- Yeah.

- [lights clicking]
- Oh.

Oh, sorry,
this Green Initiative sh*t.

But you can't tell Gina
about this.

I get to.

Oh! No, no, no,
no, no, that's...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
I didn't mean that.

That's not what I meant at all.
Could you...

I would never do that with you.
That's not...

That is no disparagement
on your appearance.

I mean, it's lov... Oh, fu...
[gags, chokes]

Okay, you just go.

- Okay, just go, please.
- Mixed signals!

No, no, no, not... Not...
Not mixed signals.

But very...
Very clear signals!

Just... Just working late.

- [Zoey] Mm.
- Uh, Putin, he's...

Yeah, he's the best.

Well, not...

- Good night.
- Good night.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[Coach Jake] Pretzel!

[players shouting]

Are we f*cking playing grab-a*s?

- Come on, back to one.
- [whistle blowing]

- I got all day. [spitting]
- Hey.

Ugh, that's chunky.
Hey, Coach.

Greg Russo.
Walt asked me to come by.

I'm not...
I'm not sure you got...

Yeah, uh, relax.

I'm Jake.

I know why you're here.
Glad to have you.

I'm on a whole new path.
Working out,

going to the meetings,
the whole shebang.

Great, great.

I really appreciate
your support.

Oh, my pleasure.
Happy to help.

You think I can stay sober?

Uh... I...

- Well, we just...
- Ugh! If the answer's no, you just say it.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm sure you got this.

[sighs] Thank you.

I'm 100%... hopeful.

I needed that.
It's been a day.

My kid walked in on me
in the garage last night.

I was jerking off
listening to Aerosmith.

- Okay.
- You ever look at your kid,

and you know he thinks
you're a loser?

No. I have a daughter.

Trust me, she thinks
you're a f*cking loser.

- Sure.
- Okay, well,

enough about my demons.
Go get loosened up.

- You can jump in there.
- Okay.

This is... Seems like
it's gonna be fun.

Guys, this is Coach Russo!

Don't be dicks.

[Katie cheering]

Hi, Coach.

- Go, Greg!
- Yeah, Dad, go, Dad! Whoo!

Skate backwards!

[Katie and Elizabeth cheering]

- [Elizabeth] There he is! Coach is back!
- [player] Watch out!

- [puck thuds]
- [Elizabeth] Oh!

- Oh!
- Ah.

- [Katie] Oh, that was bad.
- [whistle blowing]

I'm okay. I'm okay.

I almost wish someone
had told you to leave it alone.

[Archie] Well, I tried, Walt,

but then I saw her wearing
these bloody pink shoes, and...

I don't think you should talk
about what she was wearing.

That's smart.

[Walt] Could we
speed this along?

Joanie and I already
made the popcorn,

and we're watching
the first season of Pachinko.

She won't let me
turn on the subtitles,

and I, honest to God,
have no idea what's going on.

- Walt.
- Not... Not a clue.

Let's focus.

Okay, as the Dean of Faculty,

I don't think Professor Bates
is at fault.

Yes, see?

Women helping women
and helping men.

- No.
- No.

But the lights going off
in the academic buildings

is a major liability, so I think

that we should put a hold
on the Green Initiative

just until we research
best practices.

- Maybe a year or two.
- That's interesting.

You'll be able to put
The Ludlow Review

back in print.

Bravo.
I've been waiting for this.

Oh, don't act like you knew
this is what I would do.

You see what he's doing?

N-No. Sorry, I was sort of still
thinking about my own thing.

The young lady already said
that it was a misunderstanding.

Big misunderstanding.
Yes. Yes.

Exa... Well, yeah. [chuckles]

I'd never sleep
with a student. [scoffs]

Well, I'd never sleep
with a student of mine.

That's... That's a big no-no.

And that's actually
a big distinction

that Sunny and I often make,

and I'm... I'm very clear
to make that.

That, um... That... 'Cause she's...
She's a post-grad student.

It's more like a peer.

Uh, I think I'm gonna go.
Can I go?

- Would you?
- Sure.

How does it look?

- Ah!
- [screaming]

- Oh!
- [all laughing]

You as*h*le.

- f*ck.
- [all continue laughing]

- It looks better though, right?
- No, I'm...

- [Greg] No?
- No, I'm gonna get wine.

Do you want wine?

- I could go for a wine.
- Sure.

- Oh, could I get a straw for the wine, too?
- [chuckles] Yeah.

[Greg] Thank you.

- How's she doing?
- She's gonna be okay.

- [Greg] Mm.
- I guess. [chuckles]

She did call you
Mrs. Doubtfire.

- Oh, my God, I love that.
- Mm-hmm.

[imitating Mrs. Doubtfire]
Hello? Katie?

How's my wine coming?

- Goddammit, Mom!
- [Greg laughing]

- I'm sorry. [laughing]
- [groaning]

I'm biased, but she may be
the best kid ever.

[Elizabeth] I do not disagree.

I miss her.

You know,
we're doing Thanksgiving

in a couple of weeks,

if you feel... coming.

More than welcome.

- You know what?
- [Katie] Wait, Dad,

did you take this down
'cause I gave you sh*t about it?

That's sad.
If you love it,

- you should keep it up.
- I... No. No, no, no, no.

Mom, he takes this
with him everywhere.

Oh, my God!

That's the... That's from
when we were in Italy.

- [Greg] Mm.
- I'm wearing the hat.

- [gasps] Aw.
- [Katie chuckles softly]

W-Why do you still have that?

I don't know, I, um,

I guess it just makes me happy.

[chuckles]

- [sighs]
- [Greg] [as Mrs. Doubtfire] Hello!

Who wants wine?

You know, you guys,
I've got an early morning.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- I'm gonna have to head up.

No, me too.

- Night, Mom.
- Good night, sweetie.

- Love you. Mm.
- Love you.

- Sweet dreams.
- Uh-huh.

[♪ "Lucky Man"
by The Verve playing]

Good night.

- [door opens, closes]
- I'm sorry.

I thought you were...

- I... I didn't know you still...
- It's okay.

I'm getting there.

Divorce is hard, as you know.

You're doing it right, though.

[patting leg]
Clean break.

Yeah.

Honey, you don't have
to stay here.

I'm good. I'm good.

[kiss smacking]

[Greg sighs loudly]

You were conceived right
after that picture was taken.

- Oh, my God!
- It's true.

That could have been
such a nice moment.

♪ Happiness
coming and going ♪

♪ I watch you look at me,
watch my fever growing ♪

♪ I know just where I am ♪

♪ But how many corners
do I have to turn ♪

♪ How many times
do I have to learn ♪

♪ All the love I have
is in my mind ♪

♪ Well, I'm a lucky man ♪

♪ With fire in my hands ♪

♪ Happiness, something
in my own place ♪

♪ I'm stood here naked,
smiling ♪

♪ I feel no disgrace ♪

♪ With who I am ♪

♪ Happiness
coming and going ♪

♪ I watch you look at me,
watch my fever growing ♪

♪ I know just who I am... ♪

[laughter]

[child] Bye-bye.
[blows raspberries]