01x01 - Nutrition

[bunniefuu]

[Meira] Motherhood is a suffer.

[Alarm ringing]

Not what it means in Hindi.

But what it means in English.

[Voiceover] Meira is ready
for today's Mommylympics.

And this is the first hurdle.

- Come on, baby.
- Meira crossed it with difficulty.

But maybe not.

Arjun is under the bed again.
Meira is pulling him out.

Meira has picked him up and
is going towards the bathroom.

Amu exercising the
rights of an elder sister

has captured the bathroom.

[Cooker whistles]

Now she is entering the kitchen.

She has reached in time
for tempering the chickpeas.

Smartly ignoring the
moods of the Mumbai maid.

And the husband is outside the
boundary like the twelfth man.

He has no interest in the game.

But the captain
loves the twelfth man.

She kisses him and got
the kids in the car.

And will Meira will
be able to reach her goal?

Yes.

Mom, my chart paper.

- Bye, love.
- Bye.

Bye. Have a good day.

[Traffic sound]

Motherhood is a blessing.
Mother f**ker.

[Alarm ringing]

- Your daughter is playing truant...
- He's not paying attention...

Mom! There's no wifi!

- My child was a topper.
- How did my daughter fare?

♪ Up or down or a circus clown
♪ Verb or adverb or a proper noun

♪ Can do math and science and history
♪ This is a real mystery

♪ Wife and daughter-in-law and maid

♪ Teacher and a mother
♪ And the food's home made

♪ One kilo of vile, two kilos of good
♪ That's what we call Mentalhood

♪ All that tension before exams

♪ Lots of preparing, lots of sleepless nights

♪ Daughters are harbouring secrets

♪ Behind our backs they're meeting guys

Mummy, my dancing shoes!

♪ It's a yes or a no or a reprimand
♪ On and off and inside out

♪ Where to turn, which way is good
♪ Life is total Mentalhood

Relax.

Continue to breathe deeply.

Now slowly focus on your vag*na.

It all begins from here.

This where our little
ones come from.

And then for the rest of our lives.

Lovingly call us Maa.

That's when sh*t gets real.

Now to calm down your vag*na.

Just buy these Yoni crystals.

For 3,999 rupees only.

Well done, ladies.

I hope you all are feeling good.
Yes?

Anyone. Want to see?

- Hi.
- Hi.

Are you a fellow GIP?

- GIP?
- Global International Parent.

- Oh yeah.
- [Laughing]

Before I shifted from Kanpur,
this was my first condition.

- I told my hubby.
- What?

My kids will go to the school...

...where the kids of Superstar
Aryan Khanna goes to.

- Oh.
- I really love that school.

- Hi, I am Priety.
- I am Meira with an I.

Hey, I am Priety, with an I. See.

There you go. Matcha tea.

Full of antioxidants.

- Nice class.
- Oh have you done yoga before?

It was quite different in Kanpur.

All these aunties trying
to do Surya Namaskar.

I used to do Yoga with
Shilpa Shetty's DVDs.

Shilpa Shetty.

We do it a little differently.
Okay, babe?

Mumbai is so different.

I always dreamed of pursuing
modelling here.

- Modelling, really?
- Miss Kanpur. Then three kids.

- Wow, three kids?
- Amayra is 12.

Nikhil is 10 and my little
cutie Arjun is 4 years old.

Big age difference.

We call him a mistake by mistake.

By the way, your four year
old must be with my Nirakaar.

- Nirakaar?
- It is one of the many names of Shiva.

You know,
shapeless, formless Nirakaar.

Hello, Matcha tea?

Matcha isn't nice.

I like it. It is very nice.

Okay listen,
you can joke in front of us.

But don't joke in front of GI moms.

They take parenting very seriously.

Oh Global international school.

You know the school
is full of pretentious f**ks.

If my husband hadn't insisted,
I would have never put Neeru there.

You know if it was up to me,
I would totally home school Neeru.

Should I leave?

It was lovely to meet you both.

I have to go somewhere
before the kids come back.

I have to go for
a modelling assignment.

- [Priety] Oh. - It is a role
of a young and hip mother.

By the way, Meira. A little tip.

These GI moms. Be careful of them.

They are all toxic b***hes.

- [Diksha] See you, bye.
- Bye.

[Phone ringing]

- [Anuja] Hello.
- [Woman 1] Ma'am.

Some parent has send
Chickpeas in the tiffin box.

- [Anuja] What?
- [Woman 1] Yes, ma'am. Chickpeas.

[Anuja] Call for a
PTA meeting right now.

[Woman 2] Madam, I can't manage.
You hire someone else.

- Why?
- [Woman 2] Too much nagging.

Checkout of nagging madam

[Meira] Anmol, the maids
of Mumbai...

Okay listen, open our bags today.

We have shifted since long.
Your bags are still unpacked.

Baby, I am settling at work.

If I can manage, why can't you?

Because you are super mom.

I will pick up the curtains
from the curtain guy.

- [Meira] And then audition.
- Oh, good luck. Good luck.

- Love you.
- Love you.

- Hello. - [Woman 3] I am calling
from Global International School.

The parent committee would
wish to meet you immediately.

Right now? But I...

[Woman 3] Expect you at the
school at the earliest. Thank you.

Thanks.

Hey.

[Watchman 1] Madam. Madam.
This isn't a parking space.

[Watchman 2]
Ma'am's car is approaching.

I have to go in. I am a parent.

[Watchman 1]
This parking is reserved.

For whom? This is mid school.

- I will be back in 2 minutes.
- Madam, my job is at stake.

- [Watchman 1] Please remove it.
Madam. - I will be back soon.

Hi, is this your parking?

The visitor pages in the
register are over, why?

- [Watchman 1] Madam. - Is there a
rationing of papers in school?

[Watchman 1] No, madam.

Is there any scope of a mistake
in the security of the school?

[Watchman 1] No, ma'am.

And how can anyone
park the car in my parking slot?

Excuse me, I am also a parent.

- Really? How?
- What?

Who gave admission to
your kids in this school?

It was a case of transfer,

and the principal and
my husband are cousins.

Obviously. Nepotism.

Take out the car right now.

- Will I have to take it out?
- [Watchman 1] Yes, ma'am.

- We'll discuss it later. Message
me. - [Meira] Hi, Priety.

[Meira] Hi, Priety.

Hey, Priety.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- The Principal has called me.
- No.

I mean the principal
hasn't called you.

If he would have had,
you would have been saved today.

Ajo has called you.

Ajo? Who Ajo?

- School's momzilla.
- Momzilla?

Like Godzilla.

Wind her up. Take that up.

[Anuja] Everybody get to work.

Make the green more
green and blue more blue.

Godzilla had terrorized
the whole city.

Similarly, Ajo has
terrorized the whole school.

[Anuja] Perfection is everything.

The undisputable queen
of WhatsApp mommy group.

[Priety] Super mom
of the super mom.

Ajo.

- [Anuja] Who got chickpeas?
- sh*t.

Say sorry. Okay? Just say sorry.

[Priety] Say sorry. Okay?

Gluten, babe, gluten.

My kid would never have eaten
so much of oil in his entire life.

- Hope it is organic.
- Hi.

Hi, I am Meira Sharma.

- You called me?
- You.

You nepo mom. You.

I just told you.
We are a transfer case.

- Look at the oil.
- It is a pancake. It'll have oil.

Earlier, I thought I would
send fried dumplings.

Then I thought chickpeas
curry would be better.

Are you kidding me?
Samose, Chole bhature?

Are you trying to poison our kids?

My chickpeas were
world famous in Kanpur.

Everybody thought I should put up a
stall and sell them for 10 rupees.

Then you should have done that.

You should have put up
a stall there.

And sold it there.

[Anuja] This won't work here.

Here, we feed our kids
fresh fruits and vegetables.

- Do you understand?
- And do the kids eat?

My kids trouble me a lot.

Look, we have recently
shifted from Kanpur.

And suddenly this
note of lunch duty.

And chickpeas can be easily
cooked for many. So I cooked them.

Is your convenience
more important than our kids?

Kids are kids after all.

This is Mumbai,
not Mars that the food will vary.

Meira, you are not understanding.

Kids will smack
their lips and eat it.

What is the job of a parent?
To stop them from smacking.

Right, Ajo?

Clearly.

Clearly, you have not
understood our GI community.

[Anuja] You need classes.
You need to learn.

- This is not done.
- Classes?

[Anuja] And after the classes,
report to me.

And I will check
what you have learnt.

Do you understand me?
Do you understand?

At least try it once.

[Meira] Tantrums
of high profile school.

We grew up eating chickpeas.
That's unhealthy?

As they say Turmeric latte
these days.

Our turmeric milk
which we are drinking since ages...

...without tantrums and latte.

All thanks to this b*tch Ajo.

I am telling you she isn't a mom
but a military general.

She picked up my pancakes as
if it was a clue of a case for CID.

Yes really.

I will call you back.

Niki.

- Are you punished again?
- No, mom.

- Class over.
- Only for you.

This is horrible.

I want to go back. I miss Kanpur.

Niki, you know,
Papa has been transferred.

Now this is your home.
If you get punished regularly.

They will kick me out of school.

Better. This is what I want.

[School bell ringing]

Come inside.

[Namrata] They were those f**kers.

Either it's 50 crores
or nothing. Do you get me?

No. No. F**k them.

Chill.

How many times have I
told you just get your Zen on babe?

D.

These empires don't
run by being Zen.

What's the emergency today?

Which PTA crime
is Ajo solving today?

I don't know. Some oily chickpeas.

You mean I missed my board
meeting...

...because Ajo cannot
handle a little oil.

Fantastic, I will...

You are f**ked.

Recipe of chickpeas.
Share it with me.

Vicky and Timmy loved it.

But won't Anuja scold you?

She will surely scold you
if you call her that.

Say Ajo.

- That's so cool.
- [Laughing] Yes.

Okay listen. Ajo has more powers
than the principal in this school.

So just don't argue.

And agree to whatever
she says in the group.

Which group?

[Priety] Excuse me? SoBo mummys.

- United mothers?
- No.

- GIP moms.
- I don't know.

This is too much.

No wonder, you don't know anything.

- Yes. - Okay don't worry.
I will add you.

I mean I will ask Ajo to do it.

[Meira] So is Ajo,
admin of all the groups?

Admin of all the groups.

Hello.

- What is that?
- Hi.

[Priety] Power mom.

- Wow.
- Really wow.

Such an impressive career and kids.
How do you manage it?

Would you have ever asked
the same question to a man?

- [Namrata] Hmm.
- Maybe not. Sorry.

I am Meira. Meira with an I.

Hi. Are you the chickpea mom?

Sorry again. Sorry.

- Not at all. You are a hit.
- [Meira] What?

[Diksha] Do you know
who is sitting there?

Mjo, baby Ajo.

There is going to
be a b*mb blast here.

[Laughing]

[Anuja] You missed the PTA,
Namrata but...

But no worries, I will give
the notes to your house help.

After all, she is the
one who takes care of Shaista.

Ah, Ajo. I had these chickpeas.

[Namrata] They were yummy.

And look, who is eating them?

[Anuja] Manisha, drop it.

How dare you?

[Namrata]
You were solving PTA crimes.

Poor kid. She should
have some spice in her life.

Hey, absentee mom.

Like you, I don't need to
give unhealthy treats to my kids...

...to win brownie points from them.

Yes, actually, I too
can understand you.

You are doing all this...

...because you want some
meaning in your life, right?

This is like to make up
for your lack of achievements.

Perfectly raised kids
is a very big achievement.

But you wouldn't know about that,
half mom.

I had heard about half
girlfriend but half mom?

Family soap serials
are twenty year old stories.

Today, the w*r is between working
moms and stay at home moms.

- Correct. - Hadn't you
said in the last PTA...

...not to waste homemade food?
It was a very big lecture.

I did not really pay
attention to all of it.

[Anuja] Obviously. Because
in the same PTA, I had also said...

...that we don't give our
kids unhealthy oily food.

Since when is the w*r on?

- They are best friends
from school. - Classmates.

And Ajo. She was the topper.

- Most likely to succeed...
- [Priety] Wow.

...and she did.

By marrying the precious
gem of the Joshi family.

And Namrata married
her burning ambition.

You later thought of having kids.

Was it an afterthought
or a mistake?

You know what, Ajo?

[Namrata] Actually, I don't
define myself only as a mom.

And thankfully, my
husband supports me.

All studies shows...
Since you are so educated.

...that mother is the
child's primary caregiver.

Let's face it.
Anybody can be a CEO.

Motherhood is about
raising decent human beings.

We are in 2020, Ajo.

You are talking like the
heroines of the 80's.

Now you don't have to lose
yourself to become a parent.

I mean, you know, I can be
a good mother and a working mother.

I just don't want to be a good mom.

I am a great mom. You?

Mind your own motherhood.

[Namrata] Hey, Meira.
Next time, during your lunch duty.

You can cater food from here.

Healthy, hassle free food. Okay.

And it is not just good.
It is great.

Oh God. World w*r 3.

Mom, I hate you.

- What is new in this?
- You hemmed my skirt?

[Amu] All the girls
of my class made fun of me.

That you mom is extremely miser.

You bought a bigger skirt so that I
could fit into it next year, right?

I hate you.

- Excuse me, I will just
look into it. - Yes, please go.

Bye. Oh my bag.

- [Priety] What happened?
- Thank you.

Bye.

[Priety] Bye.

[Meira] Come on, Anmol.
I was at the school the whole day.

I did not get the time.

Now I am taking the kids
and going for the audition.

Mom, no. We are all hungry.

Amu, it will be fun.

Mama, burgers. Shakes.

Yes!

We will have the big burgers
and will give him all the lettuce.

- I don't want the lettuce.
- We will have the Happy meal...

...and give him all the vegetables.

What can be more
authentic than this?

Harrowed mother.
Isn't this the role about?

So you got your own props?

- Yes, you can say that.
- I am sorry.

The auditions were till four.

[Woman 4] But you can send
us a video on the phone.

- I'll do it. I know how to do it.
- Really?

[Traffic sound]

What the hell were
you thinking, Kunal?

You lost 5 crores
on a single project.

[Namrata] What
nonsense is this, Kunal?

Sorry, I have no sense at all.

[Kunal] An unsuccessful
husband of a successful CEO wife.

I know Namrata.
You don't need to remind me.

Don't be like this, Kunal.

You are my biggest support.

We have taken all our
decisions together.

Forget it. I am there.

[Namrata] I will manage it.

I love you.

- Love you too.
- [Kunal] Cheers.

[Phone ringing]

Yes, Trisha.

[Trisha] Ma'am, a woman
has been calling since morning.

And she is not even
telling her name.

- She is saying she wants
to talk to you. - Who is she?

[Trisha] She is saying she wants
to talk about Shaista.

You took our kids away from us.

[Meira's Mother]
He has become so thin.

Mom, don't encourage him.

He is already being
punished in the school.

Yes, we too are being punished.

[Meira's Mother] Our kids are
so far away from us.

We...

- [Anmol] Arjun, bad boy.
- We will talk tomorrow.

Hey, baby.

Hi.

I thought you should
be free from cooking tonight.

- Pizza.
- Pizza.

[Meira] No way. No pizza.

I don't want to feed gluten
to my kids and k*ll them.

Mom has gone mad.

[Amu] By the way,
mom got into trouble in school.

[Meira] How do you know?

Mjo told me. Aunt Ajo's daughter.

Family of talebearers.

- [Laughing]
- [Meira] You think it is funny.

Share with me too.

Do you know what
I found under your bed?

Why were you in my room?

Too much chocolate, Amu.

Just let me be, mom.

[Meira] Anmol.
This pizza will not be eaten.

I will make something healthy.

- [Photographer] Ma'am, could
you look here once? - Thank you.

Just give me a minute.
Jasmine, get my bags please.

I just need to make one call.
He is running late.

- [Photographer] No issues, ma'am.
- Sorry about that.

[Tarun] Hi.

- Oh. Where have you been?
- I was stuck with some work.

- Where are the kids?
- One second.

They have gone to sleep, Tarun.

Jasmine, take my bag.

- [Photographer] Are you ready?
- Where do you want me?

[Photographer] Okay.
Ma'am, just chin down a bit.

- Yes.
- [Photographer] Okay.

- Sir can you look here?
I am ready. - Yeah.

Ma'am, smile.

[Clicks photo]

- Meira] This Ajo is quite cool.
- Who?

PTA president. She has added me
to the mommy group.

Baby, leave it now.
I have been missing you.

Do you know if we don't
make our kids listen to...

...Bach and Beethoven
when they are babies,

we are stunting their growth.

- Who said this?
- See, there is a meme.

Baby, leave it.

This mommy group is just too much.

Everybody has a
mantra for motherhood.

You are no less, baby.
This was our dream.

Yes, to get away from everyone.

Mother, father, uncle,
aunty, and whole of neighbourhood.

And live like a modern couple.

- Just you, me and kids.
- Our dream team.

- [Message tone]
- Our dream team.

Meira, look at me.

What is happening here?

- Niki.
- Meira.

Niki has a science project
tomorrow.

He has to make a fully
battery operated solar system...

...by tomorrow morning.

- Niki.
- Meira, it's okay.

It's okay. It will be done.

[Meira] Will you go to school
without doing your homework?

Write a note that I was sick.

I will not. I won't
let those moms judge me again.

Mom, you have seriously lost it.

Nikhil.
You don't worry I will manage it.

It is quite simple, take this.

You are a scientist, do it.

This is not my type of science.

I have a meeting at seven in
the morning. Sorry, super mom.

What about our dream team?

I will dream. You form a team.

[Anmol] It is quite simple, really.
Nikhil, pick up all this.

- Come.
- [Nikhil] Oh no.

Come on. Pick this up.

Hurry up.

[Message tone]

They wanted an authentic mom.

I am an authentic mom.

[Meira] I should have known better.

We lose ourselves
as soon as we become mothers.

Solar system has a sun.
Our kids are like that.

And we are revolving around them...

...losing our identity in their
centrifugal force. Mothers.

I used to think parenting
meant doubting your own self.

Whether it is nourishment
or punishment.

Nobody has answers
for all the questions.

But today, I met such mothers...

...who had figured out motherhood.

Who were perfect.

For whom, coming second was
not an option let alone losing.

They had it all together.

[Gaurav] Hey, you are here.

The starters are over.
Give some tidbits and peanuts.

How much more will you drink?

[Priety] It is a daily affair.

The kids are watching
this every day.

If the kids are watching
then let them watch.

They are the pride of our family.

At least let the boys watch
what a lion-hearted dad they have.

Now come and serve us food.

[Phone ringing]

Hello.

[Urmila] I saw your picture.
I want to meet Shaista.

- Who are you?
- Urmila.

You know me very well, don't you?

Won't you make me meet my daughter?

[Elevator door opens]

Hi.

He is so rude. He's such a jerk.

Anuja, come inside.

You know, right? That I just want
my family's image to be perfect.

I know. Come in.

[Meira] So am I the only
one who struggles every day?

Maybe not.

I'm sure there are
mothers like me who do not know.

Who keep making mistakes.

Who are not perfect.

Who are swinging between should
and would. And are confused.

So, my blog is a shoutout
to all those imperfect moms...

...who are struggling like me.

Who don't have all the answers.

Who themselves are a bit tired
and guilty moms.

This blog is for those moms...

...who are mental like me.

So through this blog, I may
not be able to give answers.

But I can definitely ask questions.

I may not be able to win.

But by my failures,
I can make you laugh.

I may not be a perfect mom.

But I can find satisfaction
in my imperfection.

So, here I am.
A simple, confused mom.

Mentalmom.

Because this is not motherhood,
but this is mentalhood.

[Theme Song Playing]