02x01 - 100,000 Batmans

[bunniefuu]

- [Sam] Tonight!

A DVD menu icon bouncing
its way around the screen,

it's Josh Ruben!

(upbeat music)

Fully anticipating a surprise
party, it's Zac Oyama.

(upbeat music)

(Sam laughs)

- Okay, it's a pretty good dinner though.

- [Sam] And the windup Make
Some Noise contestant toy,

it's Brennan Lee Mulligan.

- A cowboy in France.

An astronaut in a big kitchen.

- [Sam] They're all here to-

- [Contestants] Make some noise!

(perky jazz music)

(perky jazz music continues)

- Welcome to "Make Some Noise,"

the game so good, we
spun it off, "unchanged."

I am your host, Sam Reich.

Here's how the show works.

I have here a series of
improvisational prompts

our players have never seen before,

Isn't that right, players?

- Yes.
- I'll answer for myself.

No.
- Yes.

- I've not seen them.

Or it is right.

- No.

- Brennan.

- Look, we've been doing this bit,

and I still think it's hilarious.

(Sam and crew laugh)

The important thing is this.

If anyone answers in the affirmative

that they've never seen them before,

they are lying.

You won't know if you
haven't seen it before

until you see it for the first time.

- The prompts are all
personal emails Brennan

has written me in the last five years.

(Brennan laughs)

They will, to the best of their ability,

fulfill those prompts.

I will award them corresponding points,

and the winner will take
home the coveted Golden Ear,

which is what the G in EGOT stands for.

(Brennan wheezes)

Players, are you ready to rumble?

- Yuh.
- Yes.

- Yah.
- Yah.

- Yup.
- Yah.

- First of all, a little warmup round,

something to whet the palate,
an amuse-bouche, if you will.

Josh?

(Josh grunts)
We've heard 100 Batmans.

What I'd like to see from
you is 100,000 Batmans.

- No problem.

(Zac wheezes)

(Josh breathes heavily)

(continues breathes heavily)

(mutters of "Joker")

Where does he get all the,

where'd he get all the toy-toys?

Where did he get all the
toy-toy-toy-toy-toy-toy.

(makes engine sound)

(stutters "Shields" repeatedly)

(rolls tongue and speaks gibberish)

We just replaced all the...

(to the tune of Danny Elfman's
Batman theme) ♪ Bom bom bom bom bom ♪

♪ Bom bom bom ♪

(scats)

(breathes heavily) Batman.

(breathes heavily)

We're Batman.

(Sam and contestants laugh)

- Holy sh*t, Josh.

I think that'll do 'er.

- Just a nice, simple warmup.

- Just a nice easy one.
(Sam laughs)

- Yeah, just a little amuse-bouche.

- Yeah, you know, the sound
equivalent of pigs in a blanket.

Yeah, let's say a "swear to
me" amount of points for you.

Yeah, let's say a "swear to
me" amount of points for you.

Moving right along to Zac.

- Okay.

- A figure skating fail and
the slow-mo instant replay

of that same figure skating fail.

(Zac grunts)

(Zac slaps podium)

(Sam laughs)

(Sam and contestants laugh)

(Sam and contestants laugh)

Wow, Zac.

(Josh and Brennan clap)

- There's a podium on the ice.

- Yes, for sure.

Let's say a bronze
amount of points for you.

Got to deduct you a couple medals-worth

of points for the fail.

Brennan.

- Yes.

- Five different "hell yeah"s
and their respective contexts.

- (wheezes) Hell yeah.

And that's your dad seeing you

when you've discovered where
his secret biker club meets.

(Sam laughs)

And then the next one is...

Hell?

Yeah.

And that is someone with a teleporter

that you're asking where it can go to.

(Sam laughs)

Okay.

The next one is (sprite voice) hell yeah.

And that one is when your surf instructor,

lives in a little acorn house.

And then the next one is going to be...

Hell?

Yeah.

Which is the devil's new ad campaign.

(Sam laughs)

And then the last one is going to be...

(old man voice) Hell yeah.

Which is the response when I ask Gandalf

if I could hang out with
him and the other wizards.

- Way to jump through those hoops.

- If this is an amuse-bouche,
what's the entree?

- Let's say an incredible
amount of points for you,

bringing us back to Josh.

- Yeah.

- Josh, a little abstract,

but if anyone can do it, it's you.

A briefcase full of
"Seinfeld" intro music.

- Yeah, no worries.

(clicks tongue)

(scats)

(Sam, Zac, and Brennan laugh)

(funky scatting)

(continues scatting)
(Sam laughs)

(clicks tongue)

(Sam laughs)

(escalating funky scatting)

It opened.

- It opened when?

After you threw it.

- Yeah, so now it's like...
- Yeah, for sure.

- Is it my responsibility or
do I just go Pandora's box?

- Yeah, for sure.

A "these pretzels are making me thirsty"

amount of points for you,

bringing us back to Zac.

- Okay.

- What not to do if you see a rattlesnake.

- Oh.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Just trying to get by the trail.

(hisses)

(chuckles)

I'm Sean.

Ah!
(Sam and crew laughs)

What's your name?

Okay, well,

I'm just on a hike and I'm
just trying to get by, so.

Here's $4.

(Sam laughs)

Well, listen,

I'm just a normal guy,

and I want to respect where
you're from, so just...

K-k-k-k-k...

(Sam laughs)

(Zac gets attacked by the rattlesnake)

(Zac mimics being bitten
by the rattlesnake)

(Sam hits buzzer)
- And cut.

- The swelling.

- Introduced yourself, tried to bribe him,

and finally tried to
assimilate to its culture.

- It didn't want me to
be a part of that world.

- In defense of the snake,
it is appropriation.

- Obviously.

- $4 is a great amount of dollars.

It's the most amount of bills you can have

for the smallest amount
of money, you know?

- Yeah, it's the perfect
comedy amount of money.

"Red touches yellow,

k*ll that fellow" amount of points.

- k*ll that fellow?

- Isn't that the rule?

I think that's the rule.
- Yellow touches red,

you're freaking dead.

- Yeah.
- [Sam] Oh.

- Red touches yellow, let's be mellow.

(Sam laughs)

- I believe it's the opposite.

- I'm saying what you're
not supposed to do, guys.

- Don't trust us.
- You heard it

here first, kids.

Go home and touch snakes.

- Brennan.

(Brennan snaps)

Comedy Central's roast of an ostrich.

- Oh my God, we got a lot
of people here tonight.

A lot of people here tonight.

I, I, I first met this guy, all right?

When he couldn't get booked

at the bottom of a sandbag.

Folks, he's an ostrich.

He's sticking his head
in there all the time.

Listen, this guy hasn't
laid an egg that big

since the Comedy Store back in '87, folks.

No, I kid.

I love him. I love him.

Oh, I wish he had emu's agent,

but other than that, other
than that, I'll tell you this.

With a land speed of
over 30 miles an hour,

the only thing faster than this bird

is the rate that people
ran out of his last movie.

Folks, I'm telling you right now.

No, no, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

Incredibly, what people don't know

is the choice to have a totally bald head

that looks like a shaved c*ck

is because the only thing more shaved

than his head is a c*ck.

I'm looking at you, Rooster.

Look, we got a lot of
birds here tonight, folks.

I tell you what, I'm
almost out of time here.

I just want to say one last thing.

I really do love you, man,

and you know it's an honor
to be here celebrating you.

You have an incredible career,

and I know that if you could
have any wish come true,

it be the wish to f*ck' fly.

The only bird in the room that can't fly.

Folks, that's my time.

f*ck you, Jeff Ross.

(Sam, Josh, and Zac laugh)

(buzzer buzzes)

- Woo!

Fast on the uptake there, Brennan.

Yeah, let's say a Rob Lowe
amount points for you.

- All right.

- Josh.

- Huh.

- Fred Schneider of the B-52's

is going to find and k*ll you.

♪ Well, you're walking outside
and you're running from me ♪

♪ Well, I'm coming for you ♪

♪ Do you have your keys ♪

♪ So, you're running ♪

♪ And I'm going f*cking get you ♪

♪ Your tire just blew out ♪

♪ 'Cause I filled it with knives, yeah ♪

♪ I'm going to k*ll you ♪

♪ f*cking k*ll you ♪

- This is the guy, right?

- Yeah.
♪ So, you're running ♪

♪ Through the woods ♪

♪ And I've got a big knife ♪

♪ I'll trip you with my friend ♪

♪ His name is Mike ♪

♪ Mike and Fred ♪

♪ We're going to step on your head ♪

(buzzer screams)
- I'll probably k*ll-

♪ So you wa- ♪

Unbelievable, Josh.

- It felt right.

- And the idea of him just announcing it,

you know what I mean?

- You're hiding quietly,

and you just hear a man-

- Well that's the terrifying,

you hear him coming
from, it's just like...

(muffles voice)

- Who is that?

- It's Fred Schneider from the B-52's.

- Yeah, a "Love Shack"
amount of points for you.

Zac.

- Okay.

- A dancing crossing guard

is bad at the crossing guard part.

(Josh laughs)

(contestants laughing)

- Oh, sh*t.

(Josh making honking sounds)

- [Josh] f*ck are you doin'?

- That way.

(contestants laughing
and making car sounds)

(Zac's actual ankle popping)

Ow.

(all laughing)

My ankle's popping.

Everybody stop.

(screeching)

(buzzer screaming)

- I like to imagine that this
man just donned a uniform

and went into the middle
of an intersection-

- And they believed him.

- They believed him.

- Unbelievable.

Also Zac with a preview of
what it's gonna look like

when we're still doing
this at the age of 74.

- That was crazy.

(Sam laughs)

- That was real?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- And that noise came from the ankles.

Let's say a yellow light
points for you, Zac.

Brennan.
- Yuh.

- Last prompt of round one.

- Let's go.

- Your dad teaches you
about the birds and the bees

and the fire and the sword and
the spell and the prophecy.

(Brennan knocking)

- Hey, bud.

Talked to your mom downstairs.

and she let me know that she found

a magazine in your room,

and I just want to say that everything

that's going on with your body

is perfectly normal and natural,

with several notable exceptions.

(Sam laughs)

It's like the birds and the bees, right?

And bees, they go from flower to flower,

and they collect pollen, and that pollen,

when it goes in other flowers, that's how,

that's how new flowers are, are born,

and there's a certain kind of seed

that people can make, too,

and that's how they make new people.

It's also how they make the Shadow Ones.

(Sam laughs)

At the beginning of time,

there were 999 souls that
were forged in the dark sun.

Much like birds build a nest,

the dark sun built a sword,

and that sword was broken
into nine pieces, okay?

And you are one of those pieces.

I know.

Your body's changing,

and I know it's just
funny 'cause I'm your dad.

Have you touched yourself?

Not with your hand.

Have you opened the eye within?

(Sam laughs)

And reached out to touch yourself?

Because if you haven't,

(deep voice) you're running out of time.

(buzzer screams)
- I will cut you off there,

Brennan.

Wowie.

Just one of my favorite
volleys we do on this show.

Set you up with a little
bit of unexplained lore.

- Mythos.

- It's like letting a golden
retriever out in the backyard.

That's what it feels like to me.

- There you go.

- I just want to jerk off.

- I just want to jerk off, man.

Well, you can't.

- I don't want to run
from the Shadow Ones.

- 'Cause you'll bring the dark sun back

if you jerk off, okay?

- You heard it here first, kids.

A fatherly bonding
amount of points for you.

(bright jazz music)

That brings us to our first minigame.

This is a minigame we
like to call Translator,

a classic minigame with my noise boys.

Zac and Josh,

if you would do me the favor
of switching places, please.

Josh is gonna play our foreign politician

and Brennan and Zac will
play his translators,

translating him one line at a time.

Your speech, Josh, has something
to do with a grand opening,

and so I am going to ask Paul

to bring out some novelty
scissors for you use as a prop.

Paul?

Thank you so much, Paul.

You can go ahead and
hand those over to Josh.

- Ah.

Merci.

Oh, f*ck, that's heavy.

- Take it away whenever you're ready.

- Ah.

(speaks gibberish)

- We've sincerely tried our best

to open this up as fast as possible,

but due to the fires,
it has been challenging.

(Josh speaks gibberish)

(Josh continues speaking gibberish)

- With enough time,

we were able to sacrifice the baby,

and that quelled the fires just enough

for us to get this thing started.

(Josh speaking gibberish)

- He so intense.

It's very intense.

(speaks gibberish)

- The scissors are blunt and safe.

(Sam and crew laughs)

(Josh speaking gibberish)

- And look how light they are.

(Josh speaking gibberish)

- Now in keeping with
our rituals and customs,

I will play around with the scissors.

- Uh-oh, poo-scario. (laughs)

(makes nonsense sounds)

(Josh speaking gibberish)

- On a very funny note, I lost a finger.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

Oh.

(speaking gibberish)

(Zac chomps)

(speaking gibberish)

- I found my finger.

Don't worry, guys.

Nothing bad can happen.

Oh no, I fed it to my right translator.

(Sam laughs)

(Josh speaking gibberish)

- You're such an idiot.

Why did you eat my finger?

I don't know if I can talk,

but I would say that you fed it to me.

- And I will buzz you off there.

- These are very (wheezes) heavy.

Opening it up felt like putting
my head in a lion's mouth.

(discordant piano music)

- That brings us to round two,

where our players will
now test their talents

in teams of twos.

- Mm.
- Okay.

- Josh-
- Huh.

- Zac?
- Mm-hmm?

- Jigsaw from "Saw"
forgot to prepare anything

and has to just kind of wing it.

- Welcome to the chamber.

- What is this place?

- I bet you're finding
yourself really, really scared.

- I am. I am, please...

Please, I don't know what
happened and I'm sorry.

Please just, can I go?

- No, you can't go.

Not until...

(blows air)

- What? Until what?

- One second.

(Sam laughs)

Okay, so, um...

There should be a box in
the middle of the room.

- There's not a box.

I don't see a box.

- Huh?
- I don't see a box.

- There's no box in
the middle of the room?

- I'm looking around,

and the room seems kind of empty to me.

There's a blanket, but that's about it.

- Okay, one sec.

- I'm sorry.

I'm just like, is there
anything, can I just go?

- Okay, no, no, no.

Shush, shush.

I got it.

If you look to your left,

there's a bathroom with
no toilet seat cover.

Walk up to it as slowly as
you can and look inside.

What you will find may just be
the key to the outside world.

- Sorry, you said a bathroom
without toilet seat covers.

- If you look to your left,

and you just walk close like to your left.

- I'm in the bathroom now.

- Oh, f*ck, you're in there?

(Sam and crew laughing)

Okay.
- It doesn't seem like I'm,

I don't feel...

- Reach up your sleeve and reach inside.

- Is this Lego piece something?

- Oh, that's my Lego.

Will you put it in your pocket

and just kind of hang onto that for me?

'Cause you're going to dead
soon, and I really need that.

- I don't want to be dead soon, please.

I'm sorry.
- Okay.

All right, now I got it.

Okay, look.

If you're afraid of fire...

- Um, I'm actually really not.

- Oh.

(Sam and crew laughing)

(buzzer buzzing)
- Cut you off there.

- Weirdly not afraid of fire.

- That was fantastic.

There's nothing I love

than a really scary voice vamping.

That's like a classic Josh Ruben bit,

the announcer who says "Um."

- Coming next, um, summer.

Um.

Just like a really unsure...

- Let's say seven points
for you and one in 3D.

- Ooh, okay.

- Zac.
- Yes?

- And Brennan.

- Huh?

- [Sam] Good cop, comrade cop.

- Hey, got you a Coca-Cola and
a bag of Fritos. (chuckles)

Look,

we're just trying to have a conversation

about what happened today.

- You shouldn't tell us sh*t.

We are not your f*ck' friends, okay?

Get a lawyer in here.

Take care of yourself.

You have nothing to lose but your chains.

Remember that.

- Uh, yeah.

You could totally wait for your lawyer,

or just, you know,

we were just looking at this
window of 2:00 to 3:30 today.

There was sort of just a loud
noise near your apartment.

You're probably fine, you know?

- I am working here to feed
intel to the revolution.

(Sam laughs)

You should burn this
f*ck' place to the ground,

but again, keep your mouth shut.

Anything you say,

this m*therf*cker's gonna
twist it against you.

- All right, well, listen.

If you cooperate with
us, it'll go a long way.

We can get you in a much
lighter situation overall.

(Brennan blows)

(Sam laughs)

- Run, m*therf*cker, run.

Run!
(buzzer buzzes)

- I will cut you off there.

I like that a lot, the two of you.

Let's say two points,

and you can distribute
them between the two of you

according to your need.

- Ooh.

- I'll take two.

- Brennan.
- Yoi?

- And Josh.
- Get going.

- A difficult-to-open jar of pickles

makes two men question everything.

- Oh my God.

I'm glad you're here, dude.

- What's up?

- I just, I can't get
this f*cking thing open.

- Oh.
- Can you give it a try?

- Yeah, I'll give it a try.

No worries.
- Yeah, give it like

the towel trick or whatever.

- No, I'll probably just, you know, hand.

- Yeah.

I don't know.

You want to do the towel thing?

- Actually, sorry.

- Yeah.

- I'm okay.

I'm just going to try it
with my hands for a second.

- Yeah.

- Did you get a good...

- Yeah.

(Brennan groans)

Okay. All right.

Hey, if you need a break,
you want to tap out?

You want to tap out?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- I f*ck' suck.

(Sam laughs)

- Hey, man, it's just a jar of pickles.

- I'm gonna do the towel trick,

'cause if I can't do this.

f*ck!

I can't do it, dude.

- Okay, just hold on.

- I can't even afford to
send my stepdaughter $20.

- What?

- I can't even afford to
send my stepdaughter $20.

- You can't afford to send
your stepdaughter $20?

- No, it's the postage.

I have 20. I have 20.

How much is postage?

- 42 cents.

- Yeah, exactly.

I don't have f*ck' 42.

- Okay, look.

- Yeah.

- Maybe we should just
think outside the box.

We can't open it from the lid.

- Okay.

- But what if we tried to
open it from not the lid?

(Sam and contestants laughing)

- Declan, are you sure?

- This is the way?

- Oh.

- Hey, tell your stepdaughter
that she's getting $20.

(Sam laughs)

Boink.

Boink. Boink.

Boink.

- Oh, it's getting worse.

It's getting worse.

Amanda, Amanda, it's your stepdad.

(Brennan speaks gibberish)

That's Declan.

If you can come to me...

- Whoopie.

- I will cut off there.

- Amanda.

- What an incredible-

I'm so glad that I let that go on as long

as it did, that last discovery.

- And we would.

We would write that play.

- Beating yourself up with a pickle jar.

- Oh, it's your Uncle Declan.

- There's so many harder things

in the room to smash in your face.

- Three toxically masculine
points for the both of you.

Josh.
- Huh.

- And Zac.

(Zac grunts)

A series of unfortunate events

while we're rolling on room tone.

For those of you who don't know,

room tone is a production thing

where at the end of every sh**t day,

we'll roll on 30 seconds of room tone

in order to be able to use it in the edit

to cover up any silent spots.

- I think we got it.
- Yeah.

- So, just, let's, uh...
- Yeah, cool.

- Maybe we get room tone

and then thanks everybody for the day.

- All right, everyone,

so let's just get real quiet, please.

We're rolling on room tone.

Three, two.

All right, cool.

(whistling)

(sputtering)

We still good?

- Did you hear the asteroid?

- Asteroid.
(Sam laughs)

(Zac making whirring sounds)

- Are there any survivors down there?

(makes siren sound)

Dad, Dad, help.

- Have you guys seen my daughter?

(Brennan scoffs)

Shh.
- Shh.

- Have you guys seen my daughter?

- Dad, down here.

- One side, please, can you keep it down.

Would you please find my dad?

- Can you send a PA outside to tell them-

- Yeah, we sent a PA to get her daughter.

- To get the daughter out of the thing.

- To reunite them.

(Sam laughs)

(makes whooshing sound)

Fire.

- Can you send a PA outside

(Josh makes expl*si*n sound)

to handle the fire.
- Looters.

There's looters.

I got the TV.

I got a f*ck' TV.

- Is anyone going on a
run and maybe can stop-

- [Josh] Load it up. Load it up.

(makes revving engine sound)

(buzzer screams)
- I will cut you off there.

- Asteroid, looter, dad
needs to find his daughter.

- I love it.

There's nothing like being
irritated by an apocalypse.

- Yeah, keep it down.

- Yeah, a "just put a filter on it"

amount of points for you.

Zac.
- Okay.

- And Brennan.
- Hi!

- Asteroid-denying dinosaurs' podcast.

- Well, it's 'cause they want

to keep you scared at the end of the day.

They want to keep you scared,

'cause it's in herbivores' best interests.

You know, I'm a Tyrannosaurus rex,

- Same.
- I'm an apex predator,

you know?
- And honestly,

like, I don't think an
asteroid could even hurt us.

- That's exactly it, right?

'Cause, like, we already know.

It's like scientists already-

- Bring the mic closer to your face.

(Brennan squealing)

- Are you getting that clean?

- Yeah, yeah, that's actually really good.

- Uh, I think this is probably a good time

for us to bring back - Fern Shakes.

So, for everyone who's listening at home,

you can check out our online store.

This is a supplement made out

of triceratops blood and ferns.

- Do you ever feel like you're waking up

and you can't catch those little tiny guys

that are running in a pack

that ate the guy in "Jurassic Park II"?

- Did you hear about that?

- Mm-hmm.
- Did you hear that

they said that those are
gonna take over the planet

after the asteroid kills all of us?

- Okay, yeah, we'll see.

- Yeah, we'll see, yeah.

- You know how tiny those guys are?

- I could easily step on like all of them

with my enormous feet.

- One second, and just a little closer.

- Little?
- A little closer.

(Brennan squeals)

That's good, actually.

- Did you hear that new Tom
Segura / Bert Kreischer bit?

(Sam and Josh laugh)

When are we gonna get invited
on there, do you think?

- Eh, you know,

I'm waiting to ask till I have

something like really cool to promote.

(buzzer screaming)
- I will cut you off there.

It's so funny that the term apex predator,

if anyone deserved to
refer to themselves as one,

it would be the T-rex.
- A apex predator, for sure.

Although there's some conjecture
that Tyrannosaurus rexes

may have been scavengers
as well as predators.

- See, this is why we have
Brennan on the show, really.

- Basically a bird fact.
- To teach us things.

A "brought to you by Me
Undies" amount of points

for the both of you.

Last prompt of round two.

Brennan.
- Yoi.

- And Josh.
- Yes.

- An animal expert explains
a monkey's unusual behavior.

- An animal expert explains
a monkey's unusual behavior.

- Now, you may well be asking why Herbert

is wearing a little suit and tie,

and it's because he thinks
he's a little businessman.

In the same way that
certain people somnambulate,

which is the correct
term for sleepwalking,

Herbert believes that he is

a 47-year-old securities analyst.

(Sam laughs)

Now, Herbert is getting
a little bit anxious

because no one has emailed
him on his Blackberry phone.

(Sam laughs)

Herbert believes that it is 2009.

Someone, quickly email Herbert.

Send him, send him, yes,
please, send him an email.

Okay.

(Josh making monkey sounds)

Oh, he likes that.

Did they tell you to circle back?

Circle back?

That's right, they did.

Oh, now Herbert is drinking

a little shake he made for himself.

(Sam laughs)

It's a little peanut butter,

and it's good post-workout.

Herbert likes to work out,
so he showers at the gym.

Oh, and now Herbert's
sending a little email.

Ah.

It looks like Herbert is trying
to short the housing market.

(Josh screeches)
(buzzer screams)

- I will cut you off there.

I don't how that happened.

- A tiny shake?

- But I love it.

A zoological amount of points for you.

(upbeat jazz music)

It's time for our second minigame.

The minigame in question: Make It Sing.

We've done versions of this
game with musical instruments,

a vase of flowers, my dog.

Now we're going to do it

with Dropout cast member Grant O'Brien.

Now, Grant is backstage wearing
noise-canceling headphones

in order so that he can't hear us.

- Should I have these on?

(contestants laugh)

Okay.

- Players, you are trying to get Grant

to make a very specific noise.

- Gotcha.

- Your sound is...

(percussive keyboard strike)

Got it?

- Gotcha.
- Got it.

- Grant, if you could
come out here, please.

(bouncy instrumental music)

Now he's late?

- Well, I put the headphones on.

(Sam laughs)

- [Sam] Welcome, my friend.
- Hi.

- [Sam] It's so nice to see you.

- [Grant] Hey, it's nice to be here.

- Grant, you can go ahead
and face our players

and chat with them as you would normally.

One question a piece, players.

Josh.

- Nice fit.

Can you tell me about that nice fit?

- I got this at Amazon Style,
which is pretty embarrassing.

You know, it hangs very nicely,
I think, much like myself.

(chuckles)

It's a good thing I came.

(Sam laughs)

- Zac.

- I don't know if you
consider yourself a tough guy,

but what is the hardest thing about you?

- I think I just explained. (laughs)

Good thing I came by.

The hardest thing about me.

I can swim for a very long
time without taking a break.

- Ooh, very good answer, Grant.

Very good answer indeed.

Brennan.

- Grant.
- Brennan.

- In this very studio once,

we talked about in a followup

to True Facts About Grant Anthony O'Brien,

where you made reference to a party

in which 50 incidents of
a similar nature occurred.

Would you be willing to
share a more elaborate

and in-depth version of
the events of that night?

- Oh, I bet I could probably
get into that, sure.

(Sam and contestants laughing)

I went to a sex party, is
what you're referring to,

in Brooklyn, New York.

You'd go in and you'd check your clothes,

you'd get naked,

you'd put 'em in a bag,

and on the bag there'd
be written a number.

Then they'd write the number
on your arm in a sharpie

so you could get your
clothes back at the end.

How much more detail would you like?

- I think that's great.

- Oh.
- [Brennan] Yeah.

- Grant, you can go ahead

and see what the players
were trying to have you do.

- A sex joke or innuendo,

and I came out swinging, my man.

(Sam laughs)

Came out locked and loaded.

- It was funny because Josh

and Zac both got you to do it immediately,

and then we had a spectacular dry period.

- I wouldn't know anything
about a spectacular dry period.

Hey!

- [Contestants] Oh!

(energetic music)

- That brings us to round three

where our players will now hold hands

and jump into the abyss together.

(laughs)

Just the most perfect arm
wave there's ever been.

Josh?
- Yeah.

- Zac?
- Yeah.

- Brennan.
- Hi.

- Feel free to take this one at a time.

- Oh f*ck.

- Sam's inner monologue when
he wakes up in the morning.

I was dared into including this one.

- What can I make those
three freaks do today?

(Sam laughs)

- How unhinged can I make
my summer camp friend

in front of an audience of millions?

- And the answer is quite.

- 30-second vertical, 60-second vertical.

(Sam and contestants laughing)

Punch-in, edited.

Noted. Fine cut.

What do the kids love?

39-year-old men screaming.

(Sam laughs)

- China, if you're listening, please,

please don't cancel TikTok, please.

- Remember when we used
to do Facebook 360 video?

- There's a really
interesting new technology

that in six to 12 months will
prove to be a Ponzi scheme,

but...
(contestants laugh)

- My note-taking app is terrific.

(Brennan laughs)

And yes, it's $30 a month.

- You have a subscription
for the notes app?

- Lime Shack, Electus, Jest.

Lime Shack, Electus, Jest.

Lime Shack, Electus, Jest.

- Those are all companies
that failed during my tenure,

but listen, I did not invent any of them.

- You just championed them.

- I just had to steward them.

It was my job.

Sorry, I should amend this to
be "and Sam defends himself."

(Josh laughs)

- Wow, I got a lot of emails
to answer about "Game Changer"

and "Make Some Noise" and a
lot of production concerns,

but I think it's time
to make a TikTok sketch.

(Sam laughs)

(buzzer screams)

- I enjoyed that deeply because
it feels good to be seen.

- There you go.

- A highly relatable amount of
points for the three of you.

Josh.
- Mm.

- Zac.
- Yes.

- Brennan.

Someone trying to get a new nickname

for themselves off the ground.

- Hey, what's up, dies?

- Hey, what's up, man?

Good to see you.
- Did you say dies.

- It's so funny.

I was like, what's up, dies?

It might be funny if, like, I don't know,

that was just the thing we just did.

- I don't want to be
called to die, I guess.

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.

That's cool.

- It's good, man.

So, I'm all packed ready
to go for the lake,

but once we're up at the cabin,

you know, there's not
a lot of cell service.

Anything we're gonna want, we
should probably get locked up.

- Mr. Worried over here.

Well, just, you know, planning, so.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.

- I'm good to go to the grocery store now.

Hit up the grosh.

- No, that would be kind of like more,

Joesh the Grosh sounds like,

since my name is Joesh,

but Joesh actually might be kind of fun.

Joesh, like, "Hey, what's up, Joesh?"

- Yeah.
- Yeah, for sure.

- Yeah.
- So,

we gotta get up there
probably by like noon.

- Well, when I get in there,
I'm gonna shotgun that bed.

I'm gonna shotgun that first bed

and shotgun that shotgun.

Shotgun.

- What's up, man?

- Just like, I was just
saying, run towards the car.

First one to say shotgun, it's usually me.

It's been me for years, and
that's why they call me...

- Who calls you what?

- Huh? Ah.

- So, I was thinking 'cause of my thing,

if I get carsick if I'm in the backseat.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Is it okay

if I sit in the front?

- Yeah, that's cool.

You can sit in the front if
you call me Joesh. (laughs)

- Real or no?

(Sam laughs)

I just feel like-

- What? Talk to me, man.

- You have this hungry f*cking
energy at the top of the day.

It's like 9:00 a.m.

- Yeah.

- Do you want a nickname?

- Early bird gets the worm.

- Not an answer to my question.

(Sam laughs)

- We shouldn't fight.

We should just like, get up there,

just have a good time,
because, like, you're my dies.

That's my die, dog.

(palms slap)

- Ow.

- Oh, are you okay, bud?

- Sorry.

It's, you know, sensitive hands.

- Uh-oh, sensy hands.

- Let's not do that one.

(buzzer screams)
(Sam laughs)

- Mr. Sensy Hands over here.

- Sensy hands.

- Sometimes, you just wait for a button,

and the perfect one comes right along.

What a little gift.

- We'll just keep pulling.

- A Sambourine man amount of points.

- Sambourine man?

- Hey, Mr. Sambourine man?

- Josh.
- Hi.

- Zac.
- Okay.

- Brennan.
- Yep.

- Hour 12 of a press junket
for "Make Some Noise."

- Hey.

- Hey.
- How's it going?

- Oh, yeah, sure.

One more time.

My throat can do it.

The seagull, right?

(squeaks)

- I think to answer your question,

it's great to be in scenes to, uh...

(Sam laughs)

- Well, well.

You know, he's, Brennan's so good at,

he can, he can go,

he can keep going, you know?

- Yeah.
- Which is awesome.

- And Zac is, you know, timing.

It's all, the comedy is timing, and Zac.

- One more time?

Okay, oh.

Yeah. (clears throat)

(squeaks)
- Um.

(Sam laughs)

- Oh, what's my favorite noise?

Ah. Um.

Ha ha.

- I would say mine's the same.

- Okay, I'm just gonna do it five,

five or six more times just so
that you have enough seagulls

for you to take it home
to your f*ck' house.

All right?

(squeals)

And one more.

(squeals)

- No, so we actually don't get

to see the prompts beforehand.

That's not, um...

- Isn't that f*cking obvious?

Like, what would we even f*cking be doing?

- Hey, no, it's...

It's been a long day and we have to

go record 11 episodes after
this press junket is over.

- Oh, you want us all to,
to say it the same time?

- [Contestants] We're all
here to make some noise.

(buzzer screams)

(Sam laughs)

- What a fantastic
interpretation of that prompt.

An exhaustive amount of
points for the three of you.

(Brennan whistles)

That brings us to the end of our game.

Our winner tonight:

our first-ever three-way tie.

(canned audience cheers)

You each won the Golden Ear.

- Oh my.
- All of us?

- All of you.

(contestants growl)

That does it for us here
at "Make Some Noise."

Tune in next time for
more of the Game Samer.

I'm Sam Reich, and that
sounds pretty good to me.

Good night.

(bubbly jazz music)

(bubbly jazz music continues)

(bubbly jazz music continues)