01x04 - The Labour Day Parade

[bunniefuu]

What the?

Is this normal?

Yeah, I think it is.

They're crazy,

but they're harmless.

There's more

protestors than crew.

Yeah, on holidays a skeleton

crew keeps the lights on.

Just you wait.

More people will trickle

in to help build the float.

You wanna do

the parade after?

Is that even a choice?

Is Christmas a choice?

Jesus Auds, it's

f*ck' Labour Day!

The highlight of a

tradesman's year!

We march together

and celebrate us!

And we show how grateful

we are to the town.

Yeah and we dummy every chilled

keg on Main Street afterwards.

Wow. That is some top shelf

community engagement

right there.

Hey VanLeuen!

You're about a year early.

Got booked last minute.

Double time.

Integrity checks,

soil samples.

We do all the checks!

Well, maybe not well enough.

f*ck you!

Is that bad news?

Not today.

Atta boy.

Now you go in there

and you build yourself a stellar

float and enjoy yourself.

Merry Christmas!

f*ck yeah!

No need to knock.

Rule of thumb,

when the doors open a crack,

it means enter.

Smells good in here.

Okay.

Nice espresso machine!

Oh, by all means.

Say, you're tied

into corporate.

You'd let us know

Oh sh*t. Sorry.

You'd let us know if any

significant changes were coming.

Just help yourself to a latte.

You have the weight of the world

on your shoulders, Todd.

Well, we've been falling

behind on our targets

and now you're bringing

in third parties.

I'm getting a handle on

the clean-up after Bennett.

The environmental

check is part of that.

Are you trying to catch

us with our dicks out?

No offence.

Let me ask you this:

Would you describe

Randy Bennett

as "organized"

or "negligent"?

The second one.

I mean, we all knew

he was a mess.

Why didn't corporate

do something earlier?

You're like three

years too late.

And I had to run defensive

coverage on his bullshit.

This thing is dumb.

I get there can

be animosity

between corporate

and the front line.

Yeah. This is an

example of why,

because corporate

doesn't listen to us.

Conch is a hundred percent

behind this refinery.

This town.

Which is why they

approved two floats

in the parade this year.

Okay, I guess you think

that makes everything-

Wait, what?

Two floats?!

Every year I email head

office with that exact idea,

never hear back.

Chelsea:

Well, now you will.

And it's good to have

someone on the inside.

Yes. Yes!

Oh no, no, no!

Todd :

Are you trying to catch

us with our dicks out?

No offence.

Chelsea :

Let me ask you-

Labour Day celebrates

the achievement

of blue-collar workers.

The achievement of you.

Woo! Yes!

I look out here and I

see a sea of colour.

Len:

The diversity of

trade and talent!

Len:

Not now! Later.

Jesus f*cking Christ.

What'd I miss?

Sleazy PR guy beakin' off.

We like to

encourage competition

One that spawns innovation!

That's why we are

enlisting not just one,

but two floats in

the parade today.

f*ck yeah!

Holy sh*t,

I can't believe they

actually read your email.

Todd:

Finally.

We getting paid

double time?!

How does double time work

when we're doing

this volunteer, bud?

So this year's theme

is "The Future of

Conch Industries"

And I thought it would

be fun to have two teams:

the domestic workers

versus the internationals.

So me versus everybody.

Chelsea:

No, no, no.

We're not doing that.

Just one second please.

Is this dildo trying

to start a race w*r?!

Nah, you've gotta be

more like the Olympics.

He's not f*cking serious?

What? You said I could make

the rules for the competition.

Now you're

poo-pooing my idea.

You're the Head of PR.

Think about the optics

of what you just said.

Dang it, you're right.

What if we made a

hundred grand of income

the line in the sand here?

No!

Management versus

Entry-Level?

Guys versus Gals?

Guys and Dolls?

Young versus Old?

And the teams will be

Youngbloods versus Old School.

The youthful and ambitious

against the mature

and experienced.

It is my honour to lead

you in your march today.

And to add to the spirit

of this friendly event,

you can only use

materials found on site.

And judging the best float

will be Medhi Chowdry,

our very own

Chief Engineer.

Alright. Aright.

Alright. Alright.

I know what you're

all thinking

And yes, I can be bribed.

Confetti cannon. Now!

Tradesman 1:

Oh, what the hell?

Tradesman 2:

In your eye!

But you don't

just have one.

Chelsea:

Alright, just wrap

it up, okay.

Wrap it up.

Go make your floats!

Later, geezers.

I'm off to the dream team.

Me too.

Oh sh*t.

Oh my

Oh, you poor

How can you f*ck'-

You f*ck' poor

f*ck!

Something isn't right.

Did you see the

Enviro-Vestigate guys?

Soil samples,

pressure checks today?

They're using your love

of tradition against you.

I mean, look at you,

you're distracted.

You probably still leave milk

and cookies out for Santa Claus.

I just told you I

think something's up.

It's time for

you to go covert.

They're playing you

like a f*ck' fiddle.

Wait, did you say covert?

I did.

Confirmed.

What tactics are permitted?

Any means necessary.

You are now activated.

Ghost protocol.

No one can know

your objective.

The truth is out there, Homer.

And I want you to find it.

Roger that.

I hear ya.

Homer:

Oh f*ck! Son of a b*tch!

Oh yeah, you don't

have to drink that.

I'm all good, Chelse.

That went great.

You must have been at a

different assembly than me.

Codename: VAPETRAIL.

The lunchroom is more

deserted than expected.

It is a holiday.

Targets are isolated,

so I'm unable to hear audio.

But I watched a webinar recently

on deciphering body language.

Skill enabled.

Listen, I, uh, hear this

place can't cut the mustard.

Must be stressful

being the one in charge

of shutting it down.

Yeah, just keep

that to yourself.

We can't let that news

get out until we're ready.

Of course not!

What the?

- f*ck! f*ck!

I've been spotted but

I've engaged Stealth Mode.

Vanish!

Len:

Poor suckers.

Well, at least they get

one more Labour Day.

Would'ya look at that.

a sign of dominance.

Similar to the infamous chest

poke of the Illuminati.

You know how tough it was

to spin a drugged-out

boss overdose story?

I tell ya.

Keep coming.

Keep coming.

You gotta bend the knees.

Hey. Hey. Stop. Stop.

Todd's Sister.

Don't do that.

It's a prank.

And if they tell you to

fetch a bucket of steam

or a striped paint,

you tell them

to f*ck a tree.

Entiendes?

Ugh!

That's just dangerous.

You're gonna succeed here.

Can I ask you a

personal question?

Maybe.

Would you dance

on the float?

What? No, we're dancing?

Yeah. Years ago I

worked on a cruise ship.

I will choreograph

something for us.

It will be a blast!

Um, I'm as coordinated

as a sandbag.

Todd:

Cheers.

Bottoms up, f*ck.

Catch any sparks, Auds?

Ha ha ha. Very funny.

You look parched.

What? Is-is that Spritzer?

Spritzer?

I think you're on

the wrong team, bud.

We're k*lling it!

Good vibes, Dewey.

Good vibes.

No, no, no. I mean,

you're a senior citizen.

Nah, I'm young at heart.

Age is just a number.

Yeah, please.

You're two decades away

from the nursing home.

You old freaking timer, you-

And you're like five

seconds away from the ER.

You gonna beat him

with your walker?

Buddy, don't take offence.

We all decided the cutoff

age was 40 flat and fair.

What about you?

Well, I'm only

thirty-nine and a half, Geezy.

f*ck off!

So no one wants to

make an age exception?

Fine, ya buzzkills.

Alright, let's make a bet.

Losing team gets a sharpie

makeover at The Pipe.

Our float is

gonna crush yours.

Really? I'm with the

experienced guys.

And you know what?

They know how to day-drink,

ya young pussies.

Hey, here's the last of the

German metal schlong thing.

Have at 'er boys!

Good call, Jimi.

Alright guys, we gotta win.

There's some stuff

on the line here now.

Tase, we're gonna

destroy them.

Hey Medhi, no drinks today?

Oh. Oh. Well look.

Holy sh*t!

Everybody's been taking my

bribe comment seriously.

You know what?

I need to refine my sarcasm.

You are gonna

love our float.

We're gonna honour the

engineer that we all love.

The man. The myth.

The f*cking Medhi!

Get your tongue

outta my a*s, bro.

Yeah, get your tongue

out of his a*s, bro.

The f*ck?

You corrupt m*therf*cker.

Yeah!

Some people, hm.

Look, the best

float is gonna win.

And right now I can guess

it's probably not yours.

We'll see about that.

Hey, what's with these

Enviro-Vestigate guys

here on a holiday?

Did you sign off on that?

Eh, eh, eh.

Don't concern yourself

with grownup sh*t, okay?

Enjoy yourself today.

No workie!

- Alright, alright, alright.

Okay. Who needs help?

Let's go!

We gotta beat

those young f*ck!

Wake up you old b*stards!

There's only one way to deal

with this kind of operative.

Antihistamines

are a sedative,

but when combined

with Neuroleptics

and just a sprinkle

of Amphetamine,

what you are left with is

the perfect truth serum.

Welcome, Veritas.

Hey boys, Happy Labour Day.

Happy Labour Day.

Hey Stephanie,

great to see you again.

Len, what can I do for you?

It's what I can do for you.

Now we are looking

for tradeswomen

to appear in

Conch industries pamphlets,

web banners and

even trade school textbooks.

Really? What's that pay?

Influencing the next gen of

tradespeople is priceless.

Plus you could be a

brand ambassador.

I've already

monetized my likeness.

You're an influencer?

Mr. Michaels!

Dickwad.

Please, Mr. Michaels

is my father.

Well, I heard you like

your coffee black, sir.

Well, thank you

very much, uh

Ah, Dewey.

Dewey.

Happy Labour Day, Dewey.

You too.

And to us. To us.

Mm-hmm. Really get in there.

I got it.

Hold up! You guys are leaving?

There's no work here for us.

I've seen refineries

half the age of this one

in way worse condition.

Well, that can't be right.

You're expecting

something different?

According to head office,

this place has been operating

like it's been offline.

I mean, it's the last

place in production.

I would love that

to be the truth,

especially to piss off Stool,

but all you have here is

a fully operational plant.

Zero issues.

And we knew Bennett,

so this is a

fricking shocker.

Here.

Have us back any time to double

check your guys work, okay?

Len, it's Dewey.

How you doing?

Elated. Fuzzy.

My feet are sweaty.

Good. Good. Hey, ah,

where you staying

while you're in town?

Best Restin', room 108.

It's tiny.

Good to know.

Good to know.

What happened to

Randy Bennett?

He had an extreme

drug addiction,

which led to a heart attack,

which led to a coma.

What do you know about our

company's patent filings

and board member

stock activity?

Look my friend, I'm in PR,

not business affairs.

I'm on a strictly

need to know basis.

And I prefer not

to know, okay?

Try your Site Manager.

She has all the answers.

Hmmm.

So the Site Manager?

She's the one who

knows the truth.

She knows more than me.

Chelsea:

Hello?

Homer:

That's a bad knee!

Bad knee!

You better be HVAC.

Homer:

Abort. Abort, abort.

Come on, come on, come on!

Chelsea:

What's your name?

Why have you been

spying on me?

I'm only allowed to offer

my badge number and codename.

Oh, I can just look ya up.

I mean, I-I-I can

go against protocol

in the name of preserving

my livelihood.

My name's Homer.

I mean, Eric.

How long have

you worked here?

15 deployments

er years.

Any system failures

over the past three years?

Unscheduled shutdowns?

No ma'am, we've been

firing on all cylinders.

Pipes are pumping.

So it's all been fine?

The weakness in our

team was Bennett.

Based on my

extensive observations,

the narcotics and sex

addiction was a front.

Yeah.

I've been trying to connect

a link between him

and the local

honeybee decline.

Possibly laundering dough.

I've been sent here because

this place is not profitable.

Now the information I've

gathered and what I've seen

tells me different.

So, which is it?

Sure, we take days off,

we have fun.

We climb in the ventilation

from time to time.

But we don't f*ck around

when it comes to production.

This company makes bank.

I mean, not

Bilderberg levels.

Conch has a yacht but he

ain't going to space.

Oh, I understand.

The only guy who listens

to people like us,

is Todd.

Backwoods:

Yeah. Boom!

How's the dance going, brother?

Oh yeah!

Smoke that sh*t, Doggy.

Jimi! One of the

best floats ever!

Yeah, imagine if the real flare

stack came together this quick.

Taser:

It's coming, Jimi.

We're gonna do it.

Your outfit is f*ck' sick!

Oh, thank you.

You think your

team's gonna win?

I don't know.

I got two left feet.

Gotten a good Spanish

lesson though, I guess.

Nice.

Felipe:

The parade is

about to start.

Gotta go.

See you at the bar.

Alright, have fun.

Len:

The weather always

seems to cooperate!

It's like God knows we're

taking care of the planet.

God, you are sweating a lot.

You want me to

get you a towel?

Ah, ah, ah, stop trying

to buy a victory.

I'm trying to look

after the guy.

Shoo! Go on. f*ck off!

Good luck, Tim!

My chariot awaits!

As if!

To victory, boys!

Happy Labour Day!

Todd:

Look at this float!

Check it out!

What do you think?

Isn't this float amazing?

I'm gonna seal the win boys.

Jimi:

Okay, go!

Medhi, slow down!

Medhi! Medhi!

People loving our float.

What do you think?

Ah, not bad for you chumps.

Sorry Tim, all I see is scrap

metal and tinsel.

That

looks like a vag*na!

Oh, you kidding me?

A p*ssy conch?

They win.

Todd:

Come on.

Protester:

Let's go!

f*ck Conch Industries!

Outta my way!

Hey, get out of here, man.

- Outta here!

Hey, corporate assholes!

Hey, come on guys,

grow up.

You're gonna ruin

it for the kids.

You're the one ruining

our planet for our kids!

Take back your crude!

This isn't the owner's

car, ya dumbass.

It's a rental!

Back off from the float!

f*ck off!

Conchie! No!

Oh,

is this your baby?

Hey, are you okay?

Num num.

Alright.

You're fine.

Alright. Yeah, that's

a-that's a good sign.

Protester:

Knock it over!

sh*t, that's not good.

Todd:

What are you doing?

That's f*cked!

Okay, you guys

gotta calm down.

This is a Labour Day parade.

Come on, Jimi!

I got him!

Okay. Just

Little d*ck.

Get 'em boys!

You get the f*ck

off that float!

Hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey!

Son of a b*tch!

f*ck! f*ck, Dewey!

Dewey:

I'm sorry, Todd!

Alright guys, safety first!

f*ck! f*ck!

Everybody to The Pipe!

To the Leaky Pipe!

Come on!

Hey! Hey! Are you okay?

Oh my God.

Yeah, it's fine.

It's fine.

What just happened?

Never seen

anything like this.

You okay?

Yeah. I need to talk

to your brother.

He's at The Pipe.

Okay.

Labour Day!

Jimi:

Aren't you f*ck'

done yet Picasso?

Todd! You're on my sh*t list

for taking this bet, buddy.

Love you, Jimi!

Let me guess.

w*r paint joke?

No, I-I want, I want to

fill in your unibrow.

Maybe a d*ck?

Some ba*ls?

Somethin' classy.

- c*ck!

Congrats, amigo.

I thought we had it

with the flare stack,

but your guys'

attention to detail, man.

Did all the research

myself, my man.

Besides, both of our

floats we're f*cking!

As far as I'm concerned,

we both won.

Hey, our floats were f*cking!

Homer, let me

buy you a beer!

Yeah, listen, I-I'd love that.

First I'd like to debrief you.

Privately.

Don't worry about work, man.

Relax.

Len Michaels was

a dead end, okay?

And this whole

"build two floats" thing

feels like a test bed for moral

and spiritual division, okay?

And listen, any

political lackey will tell you

that the only way to

keep the people down

is to attack the

middle class.

Okay, I caught, like,

a third of that.

Todder, where you at?

Yo!

Oh, there he is.

Ask her, okay?

She's one of us.

Come here.

I gotta talk to ya.

Okay. Okay.

Charles thinks the

refinery's losing money.

That's f*ck' stupid.

Sorry, I'm a little bit drunk.

Okay. But I think that Bennett's

reporting is fabricated.

I mean, nothing balances and

the numbers look made up.

The plant is profitable.

It definitely is

a money-maker.

Okay. You know this

place better than I do.

I'm gonna need your

help to prove it.

Conch wants me to

shut down the plant.

Holy sh*t!

We gotta stop you.

Can I finish my

beer first though?

Ah

Smile you ugly panda.

f*ck you!

We are amoebas

in a mud puddle!

Yet, in our hubris

and ambition,

we fail to recognize the

interconnectedness of all things

and the delicate balance

that sustains the very essence

of life itself!