03x03 - Heat Day

[bunniefuu]

[steam hissing]
[honkytonk rhythmic music]

[workers chattering]

[Steph].
Holy sh*t.

You f*ck got a death wish?

What, did you miss
the announcement?

Go shelter in place 'til we
can make an official call.

Go on. Get the
f*ck outta here.

Thank you, boys.

[beeping]

Jesus. It's hotter than two
rats f*ck' in a wool sock.

[soft rhythmic music]

Stay.

[exhales deeply] [whispering]
f*ck me.

[Roach].
Come on! [grunts] Oh yeah!

Chill out, man. [chuckles]

You get it?

Guys, this door is
super f*ck, okay?

So don't let it shut.

I'm trying to get
someone here to fix this

but my texts won't send.

I think anything south of
trailer 17 is a black hole!

Bad signal.

I don't know.
Should we make a run for it?

Find a better shelter?

Roach, bangin' it never helps.

That's not what she said, man.

I gotta take a wizard.

Oh! f*ck' A! [chuckles]

[Audrey].
Roach!

Oh my god.

You're a stoned genius!

Yeah. Totally, man.

This one time,

I got a subscription to
"High Times Magazine"

for answering a skill
testing question correctly.

Oh yeah? What was it?

What was what?

Oh f*ck.

Come back. Oh.

Hey man.

Bangin' on it doesn't help.

Dewey, why are you pissing
on the port-a-potty?

Opsferatu.

Oh yeah. I remember.

[RoboMedhi].
This is how real visionaries
scale themselves.

Even though today
I'm in Frankfurt,

I'm attending three
meetings simultaneously

in three different time zones.

Oh, hey guys!
The AC unit's broken

and I can't get reception
to call an electrician.

Let me take a look.

You stay here.

Leonard, you're a
senior engineer,

leave this to the schlubs.

Hey, be careful of that door.

It slams and sticks.

This is insane.

It's no way to live.

We need to get the AC fixed.

My a*s cheeks and my nutsack

are gonna be stuck to
this chair forever.

Why would you put
that in my head? God.

[knocking on door]

Heat index over forty.

That's shut-her-down hot.

Heat day?
- Oh, I'm calling it.

f*ck yeah! Beach day, baby!

Oh, I regret the words
I'm about to say but...

pool party at my place?

[Todd] No way!
- Oh, f*ck yeah!

Woo hoo hoo!

Pool party!
Pool-pool-pool party!

Attention everyone.
This is your GF.

The workday has been suspended
due to excessive temperature.

[all cheering]

Heat day, f*ck.
Let's get wet!

Let's see some dad
bods out there!

Yeahhhh!

I'll inform any stragglers
and I'll see ya there.

Oh!
- [panting] Hey.

Heat day?
- Pool party at Chelsea's.

[Taser].
Yes!

I got beers in my truck.

Bring 'em all. I'm your boss.
And that's an order, Tase.

[Steph laughing]

[Taser].
Heat day! Let's go!

Do we have to
invite Jenn Conch?

f*ck no.
- Yes!

Oh, hey man.
While you're down there...

Gross!

The heat pump's toast.

It's only blasting hot air.

[Audrey].
Yeah, just like I told you.

What's up, f*ck?

Not much, shithead.
- Wooo!

Okay. Heat day is confirmed

and Chelsea is
hosting a pool party.

Nooooo!!
- Nooooo!!!

[sadly chuckling] Why?

That thing stick?

It does!
- It does!

Okay, I'll call for help.

But there's no reception!
- No signal!

No answer, ding-dong.

Oh f*ck me!

What in the French fried f*ck?

Good luck, Chummer.

f*ck sakes.

I will have the common sense

to not yell at
inanimate objects!!

[Cameo].
Nice, Homer.

I'm feeling proud of
your progress, Homer.

[phone ringing]
[Homer].
Hang on, Cam.

Hey Todd, I'm just on a call
with my deprogramming sponsor.

[Todd on phone].
f*ck' right, buddy.

So listen, there's a
pool party at Chelsea's

and someone stole
my f*ck' shorts.

Big whoop. Someone took
my f*ck' job away.

[Todd on phone].
Well, deprogram that.

Listen, come to the party.

You need to see your crew,

show everyone you're
ready to go back to work.

[sighs] Yes! It's time I
re-entered civilized society.

I just, I need to
get paid again, man!

There you go,
ya d*ck twizzler!

Listen, do me a favour,

grab me a pair of
trunks out of the laundry

and get the f*ck
over to Chelsea's.

Yeah, I'm on it. [sighs]

Okay. So, um, I just
got invited to a party

and I think I'm ready!

Do you? I mean, I've
got my coping tools.

Right, Snax?

[Snax chittering]

You know, why don't
you go f*ck yourself?

And-and I'll-I'll
practice deep breathing

if anybody brings
up pool chlorine,

even though it is chemical
warfare on the body!

[Cameo on video call].
Would you like to
hear the latest?

And you didn't
hear this from me,

but chlorine causes
rosacea and fallen arches.

From one truther to the other.

Astonishingly unhelpful.

Stay strong, my boy.
Stay strong.

I'll call you later. [sighs]

Well, Snax,
I'm going to a party.

[Snax chittering]

[upbeat music]

Metal expands and doors
jam in these cheap trailers.

Thermal expansion.

Windows all sealed
and graded shut.

This is a problem!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Okay, everyone. Don't panic.

I've got this.

Thank you, Dewey!

[Roach].
Epic fail.

[Audrey].
Oh, for f*ck's sake, Dewey.

Everyone panic!

[everyone screaming]

Oh my God! Oh my God!

Oh no!

I turned it into a hair dryer!

We're gonna fry in here!

Why won't it turn off?

Everyone's gone.

No one's coming for us.

Oh my God, guys.

My body doesn't
metabolize heat properly.

I have no sweat glands.

I'm gonna embarrass myself.

I'm not normal!

Not normal how?

I pant like a
f*ck' Retriever!

[panting]

Can you fetch?

No, Roach. [panting]
But I f*ck' bite.

Okay! Hey! R-2-Dbag!

We're stuck in here!

Go wheel yourself up
and get some help!

Okay. Well, R-2-Dbag is on it.

C-3-P-Go f*ck yourself.

Okay. Uh, Leonard, Dewey,

go find another
way outta here!

Roach, lie Steph down
and get her stoned!

Aye-aye, Captain.

Don't panic.

Why are there so many
f*ck' locks on this thing?!

Hello? There is a group
stuck in trailer 19!

Medhi!
- Taser, thank goodness.

We have a crisis.

We're all going to the
boss's place for caviar

and expensive c*ck.

Pool party!
Wish you were here!

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Oh!

You know what?

You are all a group of
party-obsessed fools.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Yes, uh, thank you
for calling me back.

Room 1308.

I have one very important
question for you.

Are your heirloom
oats gluten free?

That doesn't work.

Good afternoon, Chelsea.

Aw, Homer. Glad you came.

Would you, um,
allow me please?

You do florals?

Yes. Maureen's encouraged
me to take up habits

that are based in reality
as she so eloquently put it,

if you call this bullshit
simulation a reality.

Drink all those beers,
boys, or you're fired!

[everyone cheering]

Thanks for having us, Chelsea.

Pleasure. Nice rig.
- Right?

Homer, you okay?

Glad you came

but go back to my place if
you're feeling triggered

or wherever the f*ck
is happening here.

You know, I could go back and
keep working on your hot tub.

As you were, my man.

Here are your shorts.

Wow, this place is insane!

[Chelsea].
It's all right.

Homer, are you okay?
You want a beer?

Oh f*ck. I love it when
a heat day comes together.

[loud slurping]

[quirky playful music]

[Dewey].
I'm leaking.

[Leonard].
It feels like a sauna in here.

Roach, man, you've
had a screwdriver

this whole f*ck' time?

[Dewey].
Screwdriver?

No, that's my vape driver.

But good idea though.

[gasps] Leonard!

If no one comes,

this sandwich will
keep us alive.

You protect your lunch.

All I want is this Leatherman.

Okay, where were we?

Marry Chelsea.

[Roach].
You should totally
marry Chelsea, dude.

Your life would smell like
a five-star hotel, man.

[Leonard].
I'd marry Chelsea.

[Dewey].
Marry Chelsea.

And f*ck Jenn Conch.

[Steph].
Euphemism?

Is that a euphemism?

[Steph].
It just rhymes, idiot.

[Audrey].
This could be the way out!

Goddammit! These
are f*ck' tight.

They're pinching my bag and
going right up my hole. f*ck!

Dumbass packed me
the wrong shorts!

Those are Audrey's shorts.

Yeah, no sh*t.

They're riding
right up my hole.

Ew.

[Gladys] Ooh.
- Oh!

Look. There's a nice old lady

staring at your sweet
and juicy candy a*s.

Hey, big boy.

You got "BARF" written
right across your arse?

Oh f*ck.

He sure does. [chuckles]

That's Gladys. Ignore her.

[Backwoods laughing]

Hello Gladys.
- Hello.

I guess I'm wearing pants.

No, you're not. Yoink!
- Hey!

I like those shorts.
Take 'em, Gladys!

They're my property now.

Can I have my pants, please?

Back off!

I will tear the
both of you apart!

Oh I've got the stamina.

Believe me.

Good to know.

I can't wear these
f*ck' things.

f*ck' right you can't.

Hey Gladys, don't threaten
me with a good time, my dear.

Let's f*ck' go, boys!

Ahhhhhh!

Taser! Oh, no, no, no!

And f*cking go, ladies.

Taser, why would you bring
your kids to a work party?

Just trying to
be a better dad.

Spend quality time.
Right, kids?

Ow that hurts!

Well, it hurt me when you
didn't take us for ice cream

on the way here.

Yeah, Taser. We're hungry!

You told us we'd get fed here!

Your kids call ya Taser?

Remember we talked about this.

I'm your dad.

You call me "Dad".

Love you, babies.

We're having fun!

[Taser groaning]

You kids.

You having fun, fun dad?

Oh, nice shorts! [chuckles]

And now there's children here.

Thank you.

[steam whistling]

[Audrey].
Hold steady. Here we go, baby.

Oh my God.

[Dewey].
You got it, Auds.

[Roach].
A little higher. I got a knot.

[Audrey].
Guys, this isn't a
f*cking back massage.

[giggling] Oh yeah.

Feels good. [chuckles]

sh*t.

Guys, you have to hoist me up.

Giddy up. Here we go.

Ooh yeah, I see the daylight!

I don't know if you fit, man.

sh*t!

I gotta sit down.

[Roach].
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Easy, girl.

You just need a
little cloud cover.

I'll take some too. [chuckles]

[Leonard coughing]

Oh no! I have a contact high!

I've never done drugs before!

[Roach].
There's no going back, man.

[Roach laughing]
Oh my god.

Nice shorts, baglicker!

Ahhhh! You little...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Those are Louboutins

and that might mean
nothing to you, but-

Those are nice for feet.
- Yes, they are.

They're also expensive!

Ah! Mother f-!

Okay. H-h-how about
we do a trade here?

Can I offer you
some stuffed olives?

[Mary].
Yeah you can!

Hopefully nobody's playing
wack-a-d*ck over here.

Pump it, Cricket.

How ridiculous do I look
in these shorts, boys?

Have you looked in a mirror?

Easy there, Tan-man!

[Backwoods].
Shut the f*ck up.

The man is still
a stallion, okay?

But yeah, he's right.

You look like f*ck' sh*t.

Prick.

Oh well, f*ck it.

Heat day still rules, boys.

[all cheering]

I wonder where
f*ck' Audrey is.

Hmm?

And Dewey.

And Steph.

No, that's a good point,
Backwoods.

Is someone else having
a competing party?

Does Jenn Conch have a pool?

Oh, I'm sure she'd just fill it
with Prosecco and party foam

and call it Jenn-chella.

Yeah! Conch-stock.

Homer, Ghost Protocol?

Mm. I'm off the dark web.

My son's monitoring
my internet usage.

And no more energy drinks.

But I'm feeling good!

Life is good, right?

Yes. Drink to that.

[Steph].
Yeah. Lemon shark bite.

[Dewey].
Tell us more.

[Steph].
Three years old.

My dad faked his own death

to get out of paying
child support.

[panting] Joke's on him.

Found him in Regina with
a whole other family,

so that's cool.

I got step-brothers.

You guys heard of
kissing cousins?

Oh yeah.

I can top that.

[Leonard].
I've only ever
been with my wife.

Aww that's adorable.

And she's only
ever been with me.

That's delusional.

This is grim, guys.

I'll never have the
chance to do it.

Do sex?

Yeah, do sex.

You wear a shirt that says
"certified lover" on it.

It says
"certified panda lover".

And I got it at the zoo.

I wear it to be ironical.

[chuckles] I do sex.

I just can't wear socks.
It gives me blisters.

No, no, no, no!

Don't do that. Don't do that.

[everyone groaning]

No, no, no, no, no!
There's no circulation in here!

[Audrey].
Oh my god!

Roach, no! Oh f*ck!
What a stink!

[Roach].
I know, I know, I know.

My feet stink and my
collarbone pops out,

but I got excellent
penmanship, man.

Roach, rewind a little.

[mimics rewinding sound]

I can't wear socks.
It gives me blisters.

Fast forward.

I can't remember what I said.

His collarbone pops out.

Yeah, that's what I said!

Up you go!

Hop up, stink foot!

Wha-what?
- Oh yeah.

Homer, YouTube says
the Denver Airport

is a portal to hell.

Now do you think the
horse statue there

k*lled its own
sculptor, or...?

The horse has a name
and it's Bluecifer.

Bluecifer?
- What the f*ck. sh*t.

Which I would explain to
you if I was engaging,

but I am not.

Good for you, man.

Stay strong.
You got this, buddy.

Yeah.

Homer, what about them pigeons?

Still think they're
government drones?

They're just birds,
Tase, just birds.

[Todd].
Yeah, they are.

How about billionaire
blood transfusions?

Come on, guys,
lay off him a little, huh?

Is the Earth flat?
- Is the moon hollow?

[Homer grunting]

[slurring] Wait a second.

Are you telling me

that Marilyn Manson
took out his own ribs

so he can suck his own d*ck?

I am on vacation.

I celebrate the
things I can control...

[Todd].
Good for you, Homer.

Move small obstacles
to reach my goals.

[Backwoods].
Just like Marilyn Manson

'cause the man is
a f*ck' genius.

Yes! Genius.
- Maureen.

Oh boy.
- What's that song?

[Todd].
That's enough, boys.

Maureen.

[Roach groaning]

Don't you f*ck'
fart in my face.

[Roach].
Okay! Just f*ck' go!

Okay, okay,
I'm gonna keep pushing!

[Roach].
Oh, oh. Oh, it's too tight!

You're ripping my skin, man!

Okay, okay! Okay, okay,
okay, okay. We're stopping.

Oh! [groans]

Leonard, what's in your sub?

Lettuce and vegan mayo?

Don't you think about it.

I already thought about it.

[slurs] The new Homer's
kind of weirdin' me out.

He's not like the old Homer.
He's no fun.

Can we reboot him?
- Yeah.

What're you guys
talking about, huh?

Are you talking sh*t about me?

Busted.
- Yes!

We just miss the guy who
used to talk about UFOs

and robot overlords.

My wife doesn't
miss that guy, okay?

What Maureen doesn't like is
that you believe this stuff.

It's hard not to believe in
the matrix when you're in it!

Open your mouth, Neo!
- Whoa!

[all cheering]

You missed me, huh?

You expect me to believe
that chlorine is for germs?!

No! It's for mind control!!
- Here we go.

Yes.

That's why all you sheeple
are so agreeable at parties!

It's not the hot dogs!
It's compliance gas!!!

You gotta get over this, man.

Chelsea, I need your laptop!

f*cking touch me, you f*ck.

Why? Why? What're you gonna do?

Holy f*ck!
- [Taser] We miss you Homer!

You're a sh*t disturber.
- Yes, I am!

Hey!

[chuckles] Oh.

Oh, we should have thought
of this a while ago. Oh.

I'm not gonna eat
the rest of that.

Let's get him up, people.

Okay, ready? 1, 2, 3!

[all groaning]

[bones cracking]

[Roach].
There goes my collarbone!

Aww man!

[Roach grunting]

[Roach panting]

Can you get out?

I'm totally f*ck' stuck, man.

Okay, okay. Let's get him down.

[Roach crying out]

Roach?

[Roach crying out]

Oh man, no!! [screaming]

[Cameo on video call].
Homer, you know who's
really behind chlorine?

Big Pharma.
- All right! Enough!

I need your support, okay?

You're supposed
to be helping me.

From my perspective,
Homer, you're doing good.

You're vertical,
dressed as a civilian.

Sitting here in clothes
is hardly aspirational.

Would you like
links to clothing?

What?

New summer inventory is
being updated every hour.

Homer, where the f*ck
did you find this guy?

Someone in my group
recommended him.

I think he's in
Texas or something.

[in Southern accent] I have a
virtual success rate of 98%

and a 4.95 star rating.

I'm expecting a five
star from you, pardner!

Did he just get
a Texas accent?

Yeah, he did.

Hold on a second.

Hey Cam,
tell me a haiku

where the first letter of
each line spells the word "cat",

but do it in a c*ck accent.

[in c*ck accent] Closed
doors hide the truth.

Aliens run the bake sales.

Tinfoil hats, sold out.

Mm-hmm. Goddamnit, he's an AI!

What? Really?

I thought it was pretty good.

No, I got duped
and you know what?

I want a refund,
you robotic f*ck.

Homer, I never
told you I'm human.

Read our terms of service.

I'm authorized to sign you up

for a two-year
non-refundable subscription,

and I did.

f*ck!!

Call back anytime, Homer.

You look stressed.

[static glitching]

Enough of this sh*t.
- f*ck yourself!

Come with me, right now.

f*ck, man.

You're going in that pool,
Homer.

You need to end this
conspiracy loop.

You tell him, booty shorts.

You can call me booty
shorts all you want

but I'm standing here
in front of y'all,

d*ck and nuts fighting
over that last gasp of air.

And you know what?

They both lost?

I don't even f*ck' care.

What I do care
about is you, Homer.

No one's gonna
abduct you again.

The pyramids are
just stone triangles

and 'Oumuamua's just
a giant space rock.

Get over it.

[Chelsea].
Yeah!

Now hold my hand.

No chance.

I don't have eye
or ear protection.

I don't want pulmonary
edema or chronic bronchitis.

Homer, hold my f*ck' hand.

I'm not holding
your f*ck' hand.

I'll hold whatever you like,
short shorts.

And you, the other fella!

Stop being such
a little biatch!

Gladys!

Get in the f*cking pool!

[slurring] I think
everybody should do

whatever the
f*ck Gladys says!

I like Gladys.

Homer!

[chanting] Homer! Homer!
- [Homer] Backwoods, stop!

I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it.

[Todd].
Yes you are doing it.

[chanting] Homer! Homer!

It's not happening.
It's not happening!

[chanting] Homer! Homer!

It's not happening!

[chanting] Homer!
Homer! Homer! Homer!

Come on, Homer. Take the hand!

[chanting] Homer!
Homer! Homer! Homer!

I can't. I can't.
- Homer! Homer! Homer!

Come on, Homer.
You can do this.

You got this.

You can do it.

There you go. Yeah!

[all cheering]

[muffled cheering]
[uplifting rock music]

[upbeat rock music]

["The Oaf" by Big Wreck]

♪ Who'd you drag
around my door ♪

I did it!

He did! He f*ck' did it!

♪ They won't be
here no more

♪ Who'd you leave ♪

Hey, girls. Hey. Hey.

Let's not tell your moms

how much daddy and his
friends drank today.

Yeah!

["The Oaf" continues]

[birds screeching]

[mimics bird screeching]
f*ck off! f*ck off!

f*ck off!

I can feel my power
draining away.

[Steph].
We're all dying.

Oh h* h*!

Power!

Guys, the only way to
stop the heat pumping

is to cut the power
and trip the breaker!

It might electrocute you,

it's 220 volts.

But use your right hand

and hold your left arm
against your body,

the current will ground
out through your feet

and won't pass through your
left arm, frying your heart!

Hop to it, Leonard.

Electrician and engineer
both start with "E".

That's close enough!

Come on, Leonard.

Tell my wife I loved her

since the moment I
laid eyes on her.

Cut the f*ck' wire!

Cut the wire.

Come on. Be brave.
[Leonard whimpering]

[Audrey].
Cut the wire!

[all yelling]
[tense music swells]

[everyone screaming] Noooo!

The door sticks!

No, it doesn't.

[Audrey].
Oh.

[Dewey].
Marcus, you're an angel!

What?

I will live to do sex! Marcus!

Get the f*ck off of me!

Marcus, how did you
find us? [sobs]

RoboMedhi called.

He told me to say,
"Leonard, you suck".

[Leonard] Medhi!
- [Steph] We're free.

[Steph].
I gotta rehydrate my tongue.

[Dewey].
You really don't sweat.

Ah!

f*ck off, man.

[Roach chuckling]

[Marcus grunting]
[indistinct background chatter]

Wake up! There we go.

[slurring] Oh, your
kids are so cute,

it makes me wanna have more.

Five hundred for the pair.

[slurs] I'mma good for it.

No more beers and
definitely no more kids!

You're paying for the cab.
Let's go!

[slurs] I'll ride in the
trunk then if you want me to.

Good luck, boys.
- [Chelsea] Thanks guys. God.

Oh my- Jesus.
You're all red and rashy!

You've got a chlorine allergy?

No. Think they're
relief hives,

coupled with burning
tears of pride!

Well, you face down the
chlorine demon and won.

Yeah. Well, there's
chlorine in tap water.

Yeah, and this f*ck takes
twenty minute showers.

Yeah. I'm a little crazy.

You are a little crazy.

And we love you for it.

Chelsea, thanks for
the awesome party.

Anything else we can
do before we leave?

Place looks pretty good,
I think.

No. I've already
called the cleaners.

Oh, but please,
never wear those again.

Richard Simmons is
rolling over in his grave.

Come on, we'll get you
some calamine lotion.

I can't see.
Is that a bad thing?

[Gladys].
Hey, booty shorts.

That was a nice moment you
had with your little fwiends.

Here's your pants,
washed and pressed.

You washed my pants?

What'd they
smell or something?

Do I look like the
sort of person

who goes around sniffing
people's pants?

No.

Well I am.

Next time, bring
your dad over.

He is a rig.

Oh. A real DILF.

Okay. I didn't know
you knew my dad.

I don't. Yet.

I'll tell him you said hi.

Tell him to bring his laundry.

They smell good. Thanks.

[Steph panting]

[Audrey].
Oh my god,

you smell like a fetus.

[Dewey].
Agua! Agua!

[Steph].
It looks like a third degree!
Take him to the medic!

Safety first, guys.

Water? Water?

[parched] Hey, you got
any of that sandwich?

We rubbed it all over you, man.

Ahh-ha-ha!

You can drive.

Steph, you coming with us?

I'll chase ya.

f*ck off! [laughs]
- [Steph] You f*ck off!

[Audrey].
I hate today.

I swear to God,

I better not have to push
this van again, Homer.

Relax. I got the
alternator fixed.

Yeah, you said that last time.

Six f*ck' blocks.

You got a free leg workout.

You're welcome.

What's that smell?

Heartbreak.

Dried up d*ck tears.

We're getting you back
to work tomorrow.

I'll find the money.

Thank f*ck.

[engine sputtering]

Okay, I lied. I didn't
get the alternator fixed.

[sighs] f*ck sakes.
- Give it a little boost.

Please?

[sighs] f*ck!

Thanks, Todd. Sorry, buddy!

[engine sputtering]

Push?

[engine sputtering]

Come on, put your legs into it!

[Todd].
Is the f*ck' hand
brake on or what?

Hey! It's in neutral!

[Todd].
Fuuuuuck!

♪ Might as well
go for a soda

♪ Nobody hurts
and nobody cries

♪ Might as well
go for a soda

♪ Nobody drowns
and nobody dies

♪ Might as well
go for a soda

♪ It's better than slander,
it's better than lies

[Roach humming]
♪ Might as well
go for a soda

♪ Nobody hurts
and nobody cries ♪

Excuse me, sir.

Uh, could you please
help me down the stairs?

What the f*ck?

[RoboMedhi].
What?

Oh! I remember you.

Hey, buddy!

How could I forget you, Medhi?

The biggest jerk around.

Hey, hey, hey.
Where you going?

Come on, let's dance. Huh?

Hey! Ah! I'm falling! Ow!

[RoboMedhi groaning] Ouch!

See you never,
Robonerd.

You bloody
b*stard!

♪ Might as well
go for a soda

♪ Nobody hurts

♪ Might as well
go for a soda

♪ Nobody drowns
and nobody dies

♪ It's better than slander,
it's better than lies

♪ Might as well
go for a soda

[people screaming]