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01x03 - License to Not Drive

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Doogie Kameāloha, M.D.". Aired: September 8, 2021 – March 31, 2023.*
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Lahela "Doogie" Kameāloha is a child prodigy juggling her teenage life and family with an early medical career, as well as having to deal with balancing her relationship with her mother, who is also her boss.

01x03 - License to Not Drive

Post by bunniefuu »

I see it!

Lodged in the trachea,

just like we suspected.

Applying countertraction

to the surrounding tissue

to facilitate release.

How does a fish bone even

get so stuck in there?

Hmm. Patient recalled

chugging a bowl of fish head soup

in a drunken state two nights ago.

- Tourists.

- Tourists?

Last week, you said

"Manolo" instead of "Mahalo".

Successful removal, complete.

There's bleeding at the wound.

The bone must've initially

penetrated the vessel wall.

He's desatting.

Get the resuscitation team on standby.

- Right away.

- I need ice-cold saline.

Yes, doctor.

We have hemostasis.

Great work, Dr. Kamealoha.

That was a helluva fishing trip.

- Mad props driving that scope today.

- Thanks.

I worked hard for these swift

fingers. Took years of Insta scrolling.

- Hmm.

- Hey, Doogie,

I heard you k*lled it today

by not k*lling your patient.

What? I was being sincere.

Hey, anybody up for a

little post-op celebration?

- Some fried mandu at TJ's?

- Sure.

- That separate checks, right?

- Can we?

We would love to, but we have

leftover meatloaf at home.

All right. Next time, Doog.

I drive alone.

Let's go.

Hey, um, can I borrow

the car when we get home

so Steph and I can

grab a quick Starbucks?

- Maybe some other time.

- Come on, Mom.

I just performed a very

complicated medical procedure.

I think I can handle your Malibu.

This is an Impala, by the way.

It's the Rolls Royce of Chevys.

You know, when you were a resident

and wanted to celebrate after

nailing a tough procedure,

I'm pretty sure you didn't have

to ask your mom for permission.

No, I didn't. Because when

I was a resident, I was 27.

I was a grown woman.

I had the Rachel

haircut and a PalmPilot.

Aren't both those things from

the '90s? You were 27 in 2005.

I'm not an early adopter!

And you don't need to be doing

so much math all the time.

But the point is, when you're older,

you'll be able to celebrate

as much as you want.

But I'm a doctor now.

And it's not fair that

I get all that pressure,

but none of the fun.

Life isn't fair.

I once met Cyndi Lauper

and forgot my camera.

What?

Girls didn't have fun that night.

- Hey, Dad, uh

- We're not getting a pet stingray.

I'm over that. Too much of a flex.

I wanted to take hula lessons.

Really?

That makes me so happy!

Wow, was not expecting this much energy.

Sorry, guess I'm excited to

hear you're taking an interest

in Hawaiian culture.

Hey, did you know that hula was started

as a way to pass down stories

from generation to generation?

No. But I sense you're

gonna tell me all about it.

King Kalākaua called "hula"

the language of the heart,

the heartbeat of the Hawaiian people.

Which means every proud Hawaiian

man must learn to communicate

not only with his mouth

but also with his hips.

Like this.

Don't be shy. Kaholo with me.

You need someone to drive you

to those classes, don't you?

Kaholo. Kaholo. Kaholo.

Kaholo. Kaholo. Kaholo.

Kaholo. Kaholo. Kaholo.

Hula-ing over with grilled pineapple.

This is exactly what

my parents envisioned

when I told them I was

marrying a Hawaiian.

Grilled pineapple's not Hawaiian.

- I used an Applebee copycat recipe.

- Ah.

Hey, Dad, I don't know if you knew,

but Mr. Kahala is getting

rid of his old Vespa.

It doesn't run and we'd have to fix it

up, but he said that we could have it.

- For free.

- Free junk removal.

I've seen that thing,

it's rust on wheels.

Oh, come on, honey.

It's a vintage scooter.

That rust is character.

Yeah. Didn't you use to have one?

Oh, a 1967 Vespa Sprint in Capri Blue.

Swallowed my first wasp on that thing.

Then I learned to ride

with my mouth shut.

Oh, I'd thought it would be

a cool father-son project.

It would be nice to

do something together.

Yeah, like when we spent a week building

that volcano for my science class.

We failed that project together, son.

It's not fair. My mom won't let

me take the car to Starbucks.

Damn. Your mom's out of control.

All I want is to be out

on the open road with you.

Wind in my hair and a Starbucks

Strawberry Açaí Refresher in my hand.

That's the dream.

Get a Strawb Açaí

Refresher and a cake pop,

pick up some hot hitchhikers,

take them to make out point,

and pray they're good guys.

Rip Tide here, reporting

live with Tide in the Sky!

Oh, my god, it's that crazy weather guy.

There's been some budget

cuts at Channel Six.

As you can see, I no longer

have my hair and make-up team,

or my chopper, or even my van.

But that's not gonna stop Rip

Tide from taking to the skies

to deliver the mid-morning surf report!

Borrowed the neighbor's

power company truck

and looking out from way up here,

I assure you, man,

the waves are electric!

I'm just kidding, dude!

Whoa!

- Hey!

- Don't move.

Out of the way! You

two, keep everyone back!

No. Hold on. Who are

you? We're lifeguards.

Congratulations, I'm a doctor.

Mr. Tide, can you hear

me? I'm here to help you.

His heart's racing.

I can't hear any breath sounds.

Subcutaneous emphysema,

tracheal deviation

This looks like a tension pneumothorax.

- We'll get him to the hospital.

- There's no time.

His lung's collapsing.

We're making the ER right

here. Don't let him move.

I need to find a needle

to decompress his lung.

Otherwise, this man's

going into cardiac arrest.

That'll have to do.

I'm sorry, I need to borrow

this. I'm a doctor, I swear.

It looks better down anyway.

Bongos, you got a lighter?

Sorry.

Whoa. You're gonna stab him?

I'm gonna save his life.

He's breathing, you saved him.

Let the paramedics know he's

gonna need a chest tube stat.

Who is that girl?

She's Doogie Kamealoha, hot

MD. And I'm her best friend.

Yeaow.

Ah, looks like your class is all girls.

So which one did you sign up for?

Mele. She's in my gym class.

Climbs the rope without the

beads, four-minute wall sit.

She's a straight-up Earth angel.

Well, if I were you, the

way I'd approach it is

You're right. You got this.

Hey, Brian Patrick.

Nice shirt. Orange is my

favorite color. And flavor.

Oh, I know, girl. I do my research.

Dude, your rescue at the

beach totally went viral.

They made a remix song of

you stabbing Rip Tide's chest!

I'm gonna save his life.

He's breathing, you saved him!

I can feel it coming

in the air tonight ♪

I know that song.

My dad listens to it in

the garage when he gets sad.

You gotta milk this. You

gotta hot froth milk this.

You're, like, famous now.

There's no way your parents aren't

gonna give you the keys to the car.

- They let Justin Bieber buy a house.

- And Bieber saved no lives.

- You deserve those keys.

- I deserve those keys!

I'm going in!

I mean, you are. You're

going in, you live here.

And your mom's still

salty I ate all her hummus.

at which point he fell from

a Honolulu Power

and Light cherry picker.

But luckily, local teen

prodigy Dr. Lahela Kamealoha

- Yes!

- Oh, it's on the news now?

- Lahela.

- The internet, the news.

Everywhere I look, I'm

saving this man's life.

- Great job.

- Yeah, honey. Way to go.

You know where I would love to go?

Starbucks with Steph. For a

little post-life save celebration?

That sounds fun, a little girl

time. Come on, I'll drive you.

Actually, I was kind of picturing

it just me, Steph, and your car.

- Hey, guys. I brought cookie cake.

- Whoa. Where'd that come from?

I baked it during Home Ec

and totally aced my midterm.

Teacher gave me a B-plus.

- Yeah.

- You made this?

- Ya.

- Good work, buddy.

- So, can I please borrow the car?

- Brian Patrick, get some plates.

I'm not sleeping on this cookie cake.

- Mm-mm.

- Already on it.

- Oh, yeah. Okay, great.

- Mm-mm!

Yeah.

- Mmm, How is it so good?

- I put jam in it.

- Jam?

- Go off, king.

Oh, by the way, I just saw Mr. Kahala

and he said that if we want the

scooter, then we have to take it today.

He needs the room in his garage,

so I said he could bring it by.

You know, so I could

learn how to fix it up.

That's cool, right?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

- Yeah, fine.

What? Kai's getting the Vespa?

No, he's simply keeping it

in the garage to work on it.

What a day. My one son does the hula

and my other son makes a cookie cake.

No Phil Collins in the garage tonight.

I saved a man's life!

- Kai!

- Oh, that must be Mr. Kahala. Let's go.

Aloha! Fun time delivery for Kai.

Look at that thing.

Wow.

So, Famous Amos remembers to put

chocolate chips in his homework

and gets a Vespa.

I bust my butt, save a man's life,

and you won't even let me take the car.

Look, Lahela. 60 percent of teenage

accidents happen

with a friend in the car.

So, there's no way I'm letting you

get in the car with that hummus thief.

- There you are. Mahalo.

- Mahalo.

Your finest lei, please. Full

disclosure, I have no money.

It's for Mele. We're doing a performance

and I wanna give her a special lei.

Of course.

Uh, let's go orange flowers.

That's her favorite color.

You know, I had a crush

on a hula girl once.

Back in high school.

Things were great until this

giant fire-dancing dude showed up

to perform at our class one day.

The minute she saw Clint Ribeiro

it was over for me.

Why?

Girls can't resist a

buff dude throwing fire.

Especially one that drives an El Camino.

- Yeah, fire dancers are pretty cool.

- Yeah, they're cool.

But how hard is it to steal a guy's girl

when you're dancing

with fire in your hands?

Try doing it with just

your hips and a grass skirt.

Like a man.

Lahela, look. I got it working.

I can't believe you fixed it.

I thought it was pretty

much beyond repair.

Yeah, just changed the little cable

and then this pluggy thing and

- I'm like a doctor, but for scooters.

- Good job, Kai.

Hey, why don't you take it for

a little spin around the block?

- Yeah.

- You earned it.

Tight!

Be safe!

So zippy.

Okay, earned it? How?

If he gets to ride that thing,

I should get to borrow the car.

And I should get something.

I feel like we keep

coming back to stingray.

You see, you just got your

license. You need more practice.

I'm a doctor, I'm not some twerpy kid.

I held a man's heart

in my hand yesterday.

Honey, you've been preparing

for surgery since you were eight.

You've had your license for three weeks.

Doctor skills don't magically

translate into other skills.

Look at my eyeliner.

Oh, and remember, we're

not gonna be home later.

We have Brian Patrick's hula show.

I bet this is how dads in Texas feel

before their sons' football games.

Hmm.

- Are you crazy?

- Close. I'm Rip Tide.

All right, everyone out. Get out!

- Charles, you? You're a doctor.

- Sorry, I just really admire him.

I've always wanted to

be the bad boy, you know?

Manolo.

All right, let's get you down.

You are in recovery, still.

Your lung collapsed. You

barely survived that stunt.

Stunt? That was journalism.

And I've barely survived lots of

things. It's the only way to live.

Oh, come on, you're a teenager, you

must do wild things all the time.

I wish. My parents

are total fun K*llers.

They won't even let

me borrow the car to

drive to Starbucks

with my best friend.

They're making you wait

till you get your license?

- That's so messed up.

- I have my license.

You have your license?

Then what's stopping you?

Little advice?

You gotta make your

own rules in this world.

Life's too short to be

asking for permission.

Just do you and apologize later.

Yeah, that's not really my thing.

Oh, did you ask permission when you

jabbed that hairpin into my chest?

You need to take risks. Have confidence.

I do. When I'm being a doctor.

Other stuff's just different.

No, it's not. This is life, baby.

You gotta find your "Yeaow!"

You're only a teenager once.

You can't just sit around and

wait for lightning to strike you.

Sometimes you gotta open an umbrella,

slap a colander on your

head, and go get it.

Get behind the wheel of your own life.

- Freedom!

- We are golden goddesses!

I love being bad! And safe.

What was that?

You popped a tire, slowpokes.

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! No!

My mom is gonna k*ll me.

I never should've listened to

a guy with a massive concussion.

It's fine. I'll just go down to

the beach and try to find some help.

If I don't make it back,

tell your brother I love him.

- Your older brother.

- Just go!

I know what brother.

- Wish me luck, I hope she likes it.

- She's gonna love it.

Tell her your dad made it.

It's definitely not what you should say.

Hi, Mele, excited for the show?

Yeah! But more excited to see you.

So, I got

you a little something.

Wait.

What?

I know that smell. Kerosene.

Coconut oil.

The heck did this fool come from?

Oh, no.

Not again.

Mele?

Mele?

I got you this lei.

Oh, what a cutie! I love a fire dancer.

That guy sucks. They're all chumps.

- Whoa. Did you steal Mom's Malibu?

- Impala.

And then I got a flat

tire and I'm stranded.

So, go ahead, make

fun of me all you want.

Why would I make fun of

you? This is impressive.

- Really?

- Yeah. You need help?

No, not from you.

Okay. Why are you so mad at me?

Because I work so hard and get nothing,

and Mom and Dad just

give you everything.

Yeah, you work hard, but I work smart.

Actually, you work dumb.

Excuse me?

Okay. You know how I got this?

I started small. A chill

mention about Mr. Kahala.

Next, I brought home a cookie cake.

Why? Because Mom and Dad

have a major sweet tooth.

The perfect in to tell

them that Mr. Kahala said

it was now or never with the Vespa.

Mom and Dad were so

crunked on cookie cake,

that they gave in without a fight.

And that, my dude, is how you

get things out of our parents.

- By plying them with sugar?

- By greasing the wheels.

You know, Mr. Kahala never said

that he needed room in his garage.

I made that part up.

You lied?

Hmm.

I underestimated you.

You're, like, a mastermind

at being a teenager.

- And you could be one, too.

- Oh, yeah, right.

I'm gonna be grounded for life

when I have to tell Mom

and Dad that I took the car.

Oh, my god, why would you tell them?

Okay, I'm gonna full-on school you.

I'm gonna change this tire,

and we're gonna get back before

they get home from the hula thing.

- So, lie to them?

- It's not lying.

Ugh. My little doctor

sister has so much to learn.

Come on.

Sorry, man. There was

nothing you could do.

He beat you with the ultimate orange.

Fire.

It's okay. I may have

signed up for Mele,

but now I also like

Luna, Alison, and Anani.

That's Luna. She likes blue, so

I'm thinking about dyeing my hair.

Oh, hi.

- Hi. Mm-hmm.

- You're Brian Patrick's mom?

- And Lahela's? The child prodigy?

- Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah, we saw her rescue on the news.

Yes, I'm Clara. It's nice to meet you.

We're such big fans of Lahela.

I mean, the way that she

saved that weatherman's life.

Such a hero.

Thank you. She is pretty amazing.

The way she just jumped

in to help, I mean

I'm sure your kid would've

done the same thing.

My 16-year-old

has a booger wall.

Hmm.

Your daughter is

responsible, accomplished,

and already giving back to the world.

You won the lottery of kids.

Oh, trust me, when it comes to Lahela,

I know I won the kid lottery.

But maybe I should let her know that.

Come on, hurry. Mom and

Dad are gonna be home soon.

Okay, I'm trying. These

lug nuts are so small.

- Pass me the other wrench.

- I got it.

If I can drive a

bronchoscope down a trachea,

I'm pretty sure I can handle a lug nut.

Kai, I survived! You won't

have to marry anybody else.

Not now, Steph. We

have to hustle. My

parents are gonna

be home any minute.

- Wait, aren't they at the hula show?

- What are you implying?

Whoo!

That we have a little

bit of time, but not much.

- Okay.

- Come on.

Okay, there we go. I got it!

- Okay, let's go! Let's go!

- Let's go!

- Come on, come on!

- Get in the car! See you at home!

All right.

- Get in, get in, get in!

- Yeah!

We did it! We did it! We did it!

Just, just a little faster.

I am obeying the rules

of the road, okay?

A good driver is a safe driver.

Five miles an hour?

Six!

- Go!

- Okay.

I mean, it's really

all about timing, isn't it?

I mean, you just have to have

really good rhythm, you know?

With all of those drums?

You were amazing.

- Hey, guys. Welcome home.

- How was the hula show?

Good. What you guys been up to?

Nothing.

Just watching this

nature documentary.

Together?

The blue-tongued lizard can lie in wait,

motionless, for hours waiting

for its prey. Let's watch.

That's nice.

At last, the unsuspecting

cricket wanders

a bit too close and lunch is served.

- We pulled it off.

- I told you we would.

Are you making popcorn?

This documentary actually

looks pretty good.

I'm on to my next scam. Later, loser.

Hey, Kai.

- Thanks.

- No problem.

Wait, what's the scam?

I am gonna butter Mom and Dad

up for some gas money with

some hand-sized cookie cakes.

You mean cookies?

Uh, you just You don't get it.

Stick to medicine.

- Another great surgery, Lahela.

- Girl, you did that man a favor.

He got his gall bladder out and

a better-looking belly button.

Made that out of your ninny.

Excellent handling of the laparoscope.

- I'm very proud of you, Lahela.

- Should we celebrate at TJ's?

Dr. Lee, did I hear you say something

about you're buying this time?

Yeah, right. You know what,

- I'll buy some fries for the table.

- Woah! Don't break the bank now!

Have fun, guys.

Hey, how about we go to TJ's?

And then after, you

can drop me off at home

and take Steph to Starbucks.

Wait, are you serious?

As long as you get me a venti

Very Berry Hibiscus

Refresher with six sugars.

- You know I have that sweet tooth.

- Sure!

And for the record,

I'm not always

running around

saying you can't drive

because I don't think you can do it.

You are the most capable

16-year-old in the world.

I know I won the kid lottery.

Thanks, Mom.

Honestly, the reason I'm so hesitant

about you driving is because I

I'm not ready.

You're already so grown up.

I worry the minute you

start driving yourself,

you're gonna get in the

car and never come back.

Mom, I will always come back.

You better, because

you're my only baby girl.

Besides, we live on an island.

So, even if I did just take off,

it's only about an hour and

ten tops around the whole thing.

Plus, I don't know how to do gas yet.

- Does my one tire look different to you?

- I

Mom, they have these new

donut cake pops at Starbucks.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it's a mini donut-shaped cake

dipped in frosting with sprinkles.

Ooh.

Steph goes way too hard

with them. It's a problem.

- I'll bring you back one.

- Oh, that sounds good. Yeah.

People have called me

a child prodigy my whole life.

And sure, being a 16-year-old

doctor is pretty exceptional.

But my big brother,

the first-born with the great hair

who mostly skateboards through life,

he's exceptional at being a teenager.

Guess our family has two prodigies.

No wonder it's so hard

for my mom to let go of us.

We're both pretty awesome.