02x02 - Who's a Tea Boy?

[bunniefuu]

[dogs screaming]

[ship crashes]

♪ Dig this
We're the last hope for the human race ♪

♪ Embark on a journey ♪

♪ Into outer space ♪

♪ Blast off, there's no going back
We're on our way ♪

♪ Dogs in Space! ♪

♪ Woo! ♪

♪ Dogs in Space! ♪

[grunting]

[Garbage] Sorry I'm
a little late, Barclay.

Holy hibiscus, Garbage!

You were supposed to be here two days ago!

You've been gone "oolong time."

[chuckles, snorts]

Sorry, I couldn't resist a tea joke,
but I'm still pretty steamed.

I know it's crazy. I was
on the Pluto looking for my, uh...

workout tapes.

So I can serve stronger tea.

I know you miss being on the Pluto,

educating aliens on the wonders of dogs,

putting flags on moons...

That's not really what we do.

But I hired you when no one else did.

Would you rather go back to unemployment?

[echoing] Unemployment.

-[echoing continues]
-[clock ticking rapidly]

[shrugs] No. That was a bad week.

Then please show up on time.

Why are you wearing a janitor suit?

I was... planning on
cleaning up the shop.

Golly. Are you a cup of licorice root
rosehip with extra sugar?

Because you're very sweet. Heh.

-Don't forget to wipe the machines.
-Don't worry,

I'll be here all night, if necessary.

-[door closes]
-[sighs]

[snoring, whimpers]

N-Nomi! Evasive maneuvers!

[sighs]

♪ Oh, the tea-man's life
Is the life for me ♪

♪ With a splash of milk
And a dab of glee ♪

Garbage! Wow, first one in.

Your dedication delights me.

Ready for another big, long exciting day

of serving tea and pastries?

-Brew yes!
-Brew yeah.

[sighs]

They say, "time flies
when you're having fun," so

try to have fun?

♪ Have a cup of tea each mornin' ♪

♪ Have a cup of tea all day ♪

♪ Feel my body start to warm up

♪ See my troubles melt away ♪

♪ Tea in almost every flavor ♪

♪ Give it to me nice and hot ♪

♪ Saving a little more for later ♪

♪ Keepin' in my favorite spot ♪

♪ Pour a cup and have a seat
When you hear that kettle shout ♪

-♪ Tea for you and tea for me-- ♪
-[grunts]

[groans, gasps]

[screaming] I didn't know
this was your job!

-Can I get a friend's discount?
-I would,

-but my boss is a stickler for the rule.
-"Tickler"?

-Who's a tickler?
-What?

-No one. Why are you yelli--
-Sorry, can't hear you!

We're going to a planet
where our senses won't work.

So I thought we should
prep by pretending not to have them!

The others are doing blindfold tests!

[screaming]

[gasps, screams]

I'm caught in a spider web!

Help!

[grunting]

[Nomi] Help!

I think it's going well!

Prepping for a mission in advance?

-Maybe I should've done that.
-"Tongue hat"?

Great idea!

Put hats on our tongues

so we can't talk! Oh!

I miss your out-there ideas.

One green tea, please!

It doesn't seem so bad here.

It's terrible!

Barclay loves tea so much,

and I have to pretend that I love it, too.

I miss being on the Pluto.

That mission yesterday,
that I totally wasn't on,

was so neat!

No, thanks! You can throw out the receipt!

[sighs]

Hey, at least, working here,
you won't get into any dangerous

life-threatening situations!

Yeah. [sighs]
That's a good thing.

[scoffs] "No dangerous
life-threatening situations."

Puh-lease! I assure you,

working in a tea shop can be
just as thrilling and dangerous

-as captaining a ship.
-Can it, though?

Hah! Yes. For example...

your finger-sandwich pyramid
might topple over at any moment!

Don't get me started on the dangers

of adding too much milk
to a cup, it'll ruin your drink!

And letting a cup of tea
steep for longer than two minutes

can yield disastrous results!

Especially the "rare teas."

-What's with this fancy table?
-Huh?

Oh, it's Pistachio Soup's table.

He comes in everyday at around 4:00 p.m.
for his evening pick-me-up.

-Everyday? The head of the Council?
-That's right.

So bring your A-game.

I want him to be impressed
with our new staff member.

That's it! Impressed with me.

[rock music playing]

It's tea-time!

Hey, chum. [chuckles nervously]

-What's all that for?
-I'm gonna use my captain skills

to make this the best
tea experience for Pistachio,

ever!

So that he'll see what a great captain
I am, and give me my captain seat back.

[gasps]

-Into formation.
-What?

Follow the arrows. That's an order!

Garbage, uh, maybe
tone it down a tad?

-We try to keep a calm, serene--
-First rule of successful captaining,

trust your instincts!

Mr. Soup, allow me
to escort you to your table.

Everyone, stand back!
Coming through! Protective detail!

Oh, thank you, Garbage.
I didn't know you worked--

Seasonal samples
for our preferred customers?

I officially do not condone this.

Wanna impress Pistachio? Then trust me.

Uh-oh! Our chamomile
supply is dangerously low!

Refuel! Refuel! Incoming!

[whimpers]

Please, no more of this.

This is a Council member
we're dealing with.

Exactly!

[glass shatters]

Optimum tea steeping
achieved in three, two...

My Lord. Hmm?

It's exquisite. And so handsome.

-This tea room is astounding.
-Phew.

You know, based on this,
I think it's clear

-you're meant to be...
-[heroic music plays]

-Lead tea person.
-What? No!

-That's not what I--
-Barclay, give this guy a promotion, stat.

Oh, you were right, Garbage.
I should've trusted you.

-You're a genius!
-[groans]

[sighs]

[snoring]

-[door opens]
-[snorts, pants]

[barking]

[knocking on door]

[sniffs] Is that you, Garbage? [groans]

Of course it is.
You smell like tea and sandwiches.

Oh, no! I'm not supposed to smell.

Don't tell me, Stella's mission?

Yeah. Anyway, I was thinking

about how you can't
ever step foot on the Pluto

ever, ever again.
So, I made you this.

It's a mobile transmitter that allows you
to record messages to Chelsea from here.

-Try it out.
-That's incredibly thoughtful of you.

-You're a good friend, Chonies.
-I know.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

-You shut yourself inside.
-Whoops! [chuckles]

Can't see.

Okay, bye.

[beeps, static]

[inhales sharply] Hey, Chelsea!

It's your boy, Garbage.

Eee...

You'll be know that I am absolutely

crushing it at work.

And because of me,

the tea room... er, uh...

that's what they call the c*ck now.

It's short for tactical... Argh!

-[rumbling]
-Oh!

[alarms blaring]

[sighs] Back from another
invigorating adventure.

Ah, if you consider flying us through
a swarm of k*ller space worms

"invigorating," then sure.

Pilot's prerogative, Stella.
I thought it was a rainbow.

♪ I wanted to fly through a rainbow! ♪

Now now, team, don't bicker.

Let's not forget Garbage heroically fought
off those alien molerats tooth and nail.

Anyway, who wants a little souvenir?

Look what I found.

Captain Stardust, these are rocks.

Not just any rocks, Cho-Cho, meteorites.

Gifts from the stars.

Imbued with mystical properties.

Oh... cool?

Stella, this one's good
for managing stress.

Sure. Thanks.

[whistles]

-Ed?
-Hmm?

-This one's for good luck.
-Ooh.

Is it worth anything?

To anyone else, no.

Oh. How... lucky.

Don't tell the others,

but I saved this one especially for you.

-[gasps]
-Made of pure ackeroit.

Very rare. Let it anchor you

to your dream of becoming
a captain someday.

I love it, Captain. Thank you.

Promise you won't settle for less.

I promise. [gasps]

-Ahem. Garçon?
-Garbage!

[panting] What are you doing here?

Oh, are you undercover?

Ow! Not so loud.
We just got our hearing back.

Wait, why are you here?

Whatever you're plotting, I want in.

Well, what I was plotting failed,

so now I'm just trying
to pull off making tea.

Forever.

Okay, in that case,

you got any teas for shoulder,
neck, leg, and brain pain?

-'Cause--
-[groans] Make that two.

We thought we were fighting aliens,
but due to our lack of all senses,

we were just fighting each other.

Pepper hits really hard.

Oh, that's sounds fun.

You have no idea. [cracks knuckles]

[sighs] Let me see.

[shakily] We've got
a variety of teas for pain relief,

a botanical alien rooibos,

an organic oolong that'll make you...

oolong for more. [sobs]

Ugh. Tea puns, Garbage?

Eesh. Maybe you are meant to be here.

[sobs] Next.

Yuck. Gross!

I want a refund!

Barclay, you see that?

I let my fur get in this guy's tea.

I should probably get demoted, right?

Clear proof I'm not meant to be
a lead tea-whatever, right?

-Right?
-Oh, Garbage.

It's that kind of honesty that makes me
proud to have you as Lead Tea-Brewer.

It'd take some kind of disaster
to make me demote you, ol' boy.

[voice echoing] Disaster.

[Barclay] And letting tea steep
for longer than two minutes

can yield disastrous results!

Bucky, let me make you a fresh cup.

It'll be just over two minutes.

♪ Ay-yo tea tea, the one for me ♪

♪ With scones and jam and lots of cream ♪

Wonder what kind of
disaster this will be.

-[ringing]
-[bubble pops]

Gasp. Oh, no!

-[screeches]
-[gasps]

Provisions have arrived!

[screeching]

Worst tea shop ever.

Barclay, kind of early to close up.

Watcha doin' with those?

[voice echoing] Barclay warned you
not to stew the tea for too long.

Garbage is sorry?

And in two minutes, I will create
more siblings to commandeer your bodies.

-And then, the galaxy.
-[screeching]

Right. Then I guess I have
two minutes to stop you.

[grunts]

[both grunting]

[grunts]

[groans] Kinda cool that
you gave Barclay super strength.

I didn't. Barclay's extremely fit.

[screams]

[Barclay laughs]

Aw, eww!

[past Barclay] Don't get me started on the
dangers of adding too much milk to a cup.

-It'll ruin your drink.
That's it!

-[groans]
-[laughing continues]

Hello? Sorry, I know you're closed,
but Garbage, um, I have an idea--

[both grunting]

-[laughs]
-[gasps]

Stella, grab the milk g*n on
the counter and sh**t it in the cups.

-Milk g*n?
-Trust me! [grunts]

[screeching]

My brothers and sisters...

No!

Catch!

-[choking]
-[screeching]

[screeches]

[sighs]

[normal voice] Huh? [groans]

Well, I was wrong.

You managed to make
the tea room dangerous.

Yeah, well, it was all in the name of

proving myself captain material.

Didn't quite work out as planned.

I actually came here to talk about
getting you back on the crew, but...

Really? How? Wait!
What? "But" what?

Garbage, if you can't even handle

-this job without causing chaos--
-It was an alien tea!

I thought leaving it for too long would
make it taste bad, not birth a gremlin.

Argh!

After what you did on the Bombus planet,

I realized you and I make a good team,

and I guess taking down a weirdly buff,
mind-controlled tea shop owner

-kinda proved it, too.
-[snoring]

Garbage! Did you make this mess?

Ow! Ow! It's just me.
Don't sh**t. [groans]

So, what's your plan?

Huh?

So, what does this prove?

Other than Garbage is terrible at drawing.

It proves he saw me
as a captain before anyone.

He made this when he got turned into
a puppy, because he believed in me.

-Uh, what? Turned into a puppy?
-But not just me.

Garbage believes in us all.

He throws himself into danger!

-Yeah, without thinking--
-But with feeling.

He's always been the heart of the Pluto.

And I want him on my crew.

You've been doing well without him.

Thanks, but we do better with him.

-[Nomi] Yeah.
-[Ed] Sure.

Are we actually entertaining this?

Oh, it would be a shame
to lose Garbage in the tea room,

but he was very impressive in there.

And if he's learning to be
more of a team player,

I say we try it.

All in favor of Garbage
joining the Pluto again?

Four votes to one.

Garbage may rejoin
for now, Captain Stella.

Oh, yeah! Uh-huh!

Oh, yeah! [nervous chuckle]

Yes!

♪ Have a cup of tea each morning ♪

♪ Have a cup of tea all day ♪

♪ Feel my body start
to warm up ♪

♪ See my troubles melt away ♪

♪ Tea in almost every flavor ♪

♪ Give it to me nice and hot ♪

♪ Save a little more for later ♪

♪ Keepin' in my favorite spot ♪

♪ Pour a cup and have a seat
When you hear that kettle shout ♪

♪ Tea for you and tea for me ♪

-♪ From the kettle short and stout ♪
-♪ Hey! ♪