Home Delivery (2025)

[bunniefuu]

[beep]

-[Jimmy snoring]

-[Ellye groans]

It's happening.

It's happening.

-[Jimmy grunts]

-[taps hard] It's happening!

-What is...? Now?

Now?

-Yeeeesssss!

[oxygen hissing]

[Kevin] I can smell colors.

[Dr. Tamblyn] Thank you

for shaving your scrotum,

by the way.

-[Kevin] Oh, sure.

-I know it's just

a little gesture,

but the nurses

sure do appreciate it.

-Ah.

-Now you're going to feel

a little tug.

-Why does he keep saying little?

Why does he repeat that word?

-Last chance, folks.

Sure you want to

go through with this?

-[soft chuckle]

We're sure.

[flesh sizzles]

[phone ringing]

-I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, hon.

-What?

-Let me-- let me turn that off.

-Who's cooking bacon?

-Bitsy?

-[Ellye] [over phone] Amy?

-Hi. Yeah. Honey, now--

now's not a good--

[Ellye] It's happening.

-What?

-[Ellye] I know.

Okay, well,

you have to get here.

-You're not due

for another week.

[Ellye] I know,

but it's happening.

[Amy] Uh, we will be there.

[Ellye] Okay. Hurry.

I don't know

when it's gonna happen.

-I know, I know.

Okay, okay.

- So you need to get here now,

just in case.

-Yes. I love you too.

Bye-bye.

-[Kevin blows raspberry]

-Um...

-What up?

-I'm gonna be an auntie.

-[Ellye] Daddy?

- [Howard] Hey! Hello!

[Ellye] Did you remember

the camera?

-Yes, I've got the camera.

I've got the SD cards.

Battery's all charged up.

Even stopped and got

a wide-angle lens

so I can get all of you.

[Ellye] Dad!

What is that supposed to mean?

-Uh...okay. All right.

Poor word choice.

-[Ellye] Get all of me, really?

-All right, I'm sorry.

-[Ellye] God.

-Honey, I'm sorry.

[Ellye] Have you left yet?

[Linda] Sweetheart,

we left Tahoe just now.

[Ellye]

You should be on the road!

-We are on the road.

[Ellye]

I called you an hour ago.

-We'll be there

as soon as we can.

Don't you worry.

[Ellye] Okay.

-[whispers]

Is the back door locked?

Is the coffee machine off?

-[Ellye] Mom?

-Did you at least see the cat?

[Ellye]

Mom! Are you still there?

-Honey? Honey, you know

you weren't supposed to

go into labor

until next week.

[Ellye]

I understand that, Mom.

I can't really control...

-Did you pack your pills?

[Ellye]

...when the baby comes, okay?

-[Gary sighs]

-[Ellye] Mom.

-Make sure you actually

see the cat.

-[Ellye] Mom.

Eew.

[electric razor whirring]

-Wow.

-You okay?

-Yeah, I'm okay.

My ba*ls are sad frozen grapes,

but I'm okay.

-[Amy] I love grapes.

-[Kevin] How are you holding up?

[Amy] Well...

you know, it's a lot.

-It is a lot,

but, uh, I got you.

-I got you.

I got you. [chuckles]

-I got you so hard.

-I-- oh.

[Jimmy] Hey, there they are.

-Hi.

-Here he is.

Thank you, for...

-Oh, anytime. Anytime.

-Hey, congratulations.

-It's so good to see you.

Hey! No!

-I just--

-No!

-Let him.

-No, we are family.

Don't do that.

Don't do that. I got this.

-Thank you very much.

-My man. Come here. Hug me.

-Come on, man.

-Agghhh!

So good to see you again.

-Good to see you.

Hey, uh, what's the spread

on boy versus girl?

-Four to one.

-Four to one?

Put me down for a C-note.

You want in on this?

-On, uh-- oh, do I want--?

No.

-You sure?

-Next time.

-No, we're good.

-It's...a grand.

-Oh. Next time.

We'll think about it next time.

-[Amy chuckles]

-You going to

the game tonight?

-You know it, boss.

-All right, look.

No street dogs. Please.

I'm-- I'm-- I'mma pay you.

No street dogs, all right?

I need all hands on deck

tomorrow.

It's a big day, bro.

-Okay.

[perky music playing]

[Ellye] ...get your

skinny butt over here.

-There she is.

Oh. I'm coming. I'm coming.

You are so preggo this time.

-I am so preggo.

-Oh, my gosh. Five months

really makes a difference.

-I know. I totally popped.

-Look at you.

-Not much longer though.

Fingers crossed. Legs open.

Hi.

-Oh, my god. Gorgeous as ever.

-Oh, stop. I feel like

the Jolly Green Vagiant.

-You look beautiful.

-Do you want to touch it?

-Go ahead.

-Go on.

Yeah, fam.

-Whoa!

-That was-- yeah.

-You felt that?

-It's a f*cking alien, right?

We got our own

little chest-burster.

-Come on. Come on.

I wanna give you the tour.

Welcome. Welcome.

I'm so happy you're here.

Thank you, babe.

-It's like the Jetsons.

-[giggles] So much glass.

-[Ellye] Isn't it amazing?

-[Amy] Look at that.

It's so beautiful.

[Ellye] Oh, you should

have seen it before.

It was a total

bachelor pad, okay?

-Beautiful.

[Ellye] Like a wet bar

over here

and there was like

black leather couches.

It was terrible.

-I don't miss it.

-Oh. Jimmy's been so sweet.

He let me play house.

Don't you love that?

[indistinct] has done

all the celebrity pregnancies.

[Jimmy] Baby, I could

stare at that all day.

-It's very tasteful.

-I know. [giggles]

[Ellye] We love it. [squeals]

It turned out so good.

So yeah, everything else

you're looking at,

I pretty much got

from shoots, you know.

Like, oh my gosh, this thing.

Ah, you need this.

This is from Bali.

You guys can have it

if you want.

It's like a fertility goddess.

Worked for us.

Also, I'm sorry,

but if it's okay,

I-- I-- I had to

put you guys in here.

It's just, Mom--

Mom's snoring is so bad.

-Oh, to sleep.

-Yeah.

-Oh, we'll sleep right there?

-Okay.

-Yeah.

-[Jimmy] It folds out.

-It's just-- I can't have

her waking the baby.

The snoring's really bad.

And please don't tell her

I said so,

because you know how she is.

-Whatever you need.

-It's like a chainsaw starting.

-I don't know how

Gary gets any sleep.

-Is that Grandma Evans' china?

-Wasn't that

a wedding gift, baby?

-I think so. I...

-I think it was...

I think it was a wedding

plus a housewarming gift.

I mean, you know how Mom is.

She's like, we're having a baby,

so we'll probably be hosting

Christmas or Thanksgiving,

just for ease.

-So weird, because

you've never even been home

for Thanksgiving since you

landed Victoria's Secret Plus.

-Where should we

stick this luggage?

-The gym. The gym.

-Put it in the gym?

-[Jimmy] Yeah, you know what?

It's down that hallway

right there.

You go down, to the right,

last door.

-Make yourselves at home,

please. Be comfy.

-Will do.

It's really beautiful.

-Oh, god.

I'm so glad you're here.

-Such a treat.

-[Ellye chuckles]

Didn't even take 15 minutes.

-"Since we're the ones

with the baby coming."

That's very subtle.

Very subtle.

-Baby, I think

you should say something.

-Why?

She's gonna take her side.

-Well, that's questionable.

-She always takes her side.

You know what?

She can have the china.

I don't even care.

-Okay. Big of you.

-But she is not

taking our baby name.

-Oh.

-I have had a name picked out

since I was 14 years old.

-Yeah, I know.

-And if she thinks that

she can just swoop on in here

because she's the one that

got pregnant, she can eat...

-Nope.

-...my a*s. She can--

-That's my job.

But I will go Mad Max if

she tries to take our baby name.

-[laughing]

[emotional music playing]

[Ellye] [over baby monitor]

Redrum. Redrum. [laughs]

-Bitsy.

[Ellye] Hi.

-This room,

it's... perfect.

-Okay, this is what

they're rocking.

A elliptical, a Peloton,

and a vintage Bowflex.

Jimmy is so loaded, babe.

My god.

'Cause I know how much

her money went to-- [snorts]

-Honey.

[Ellye] Hi, Kevin.

-[sniffs] Ellye,

what is that smell in here?

What is that?

Is that a scented candle?

What's that?

Sea salted papaya?

Is that... I'm so sorry.

-It's okay.

-So nice.

[Ellye] Ams, what is all this?

-We have presents

for the baby.

-You already sent me

so much for the shower.

You know what, I actually

never will forgive you

for not coming to the shower.

-I know. I'm sorry.

I-- it was-- I--

They were-- I--

-They were--

they switched over

to a new electronic

record system--

-Yes.

-At the office,

and the IT guy

was a clusterfuck.

-IT was--

-Oh!

Little ears. Sorry.

-Oh.

-We're trying to watch

our language around the baby.

It is sexing hard--

-It's impossible

is what it is.

-But look, if I can

quit drugs...

-One day at a time.

-...then I can sure as poop

clean up my potty mouth.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. It is a fun thing.

-[chuckles]

-Presents. Presents.

Okay.

-Let's go. Do it.

-[gasps] Aim!

-You remember when I used

to read you Monkey Business ?

-Of course I remember.

-That's Monkey Business ,

so...

-That's very sweet.

-I should have asked

if there was a theme.

-No, no, no, no.

It's so-- yeah, look.

-[laughing]

-It's so sweet.

-[Amy] Cute.

-Look how little it is.

-You can always--

you can return it.

-No, no, no.

I love the book.

I have to have the book.

And you know what?

I have a ton of showers

coming up.

There's like so many people

having babies, so.

[giggles] Okay, moving on.

Put this here.

Amy.

-[Amy chuckles softly]

-What--?

Mom said that she lost this--

-She lost it to that black hole

that was the garage,

but when they were doing

the Oakland move,

they found it in a box

with Grandma Evans' quilt.

-Did you find my wubbie?

-The rats kind of

had their way with it,

but I'm sure they loved it...

-It was gross.

-...as much as you.

-What is that?

-Babe, it's my baby book.

-You were so mad at Mom

for not finishing it,

I just like took

whatever I could find

and I put it in there.

-Aim, I can't-- I don't...

Come over here.

I love you.

-[Kevin groans]

[Jimmy] You okay, buddy?

-Oh, uh, pulled my back.

Just a scooch.

-Oh, right?

You know, we got a hot tub.

-Oh, uh, they're--

I love a hot tub.

-Ain't nothing

like a hot tub party.

-Rain check that.

-Okay.

-Oh, Bits, you're not

supposed to eat soft cheeses.

-No, that's not soft cheeses,

that's moldy cheeses.

-What do you think that

white stuff on the outside is?

-The rind.

-The-- the rind is mold.

-That is the mold.

-What?

-[Kevin] Yeah.

Pregnant women should avoid

soft cheeses like gorgonzola--

-Blue cheese

or gorgonzola or brie--

[Ellye] Yeah, I know that.

-What-- what--

what does it do?

-Can cause listeriosis.

-I mean,

there's a bacteria in it.

[Jimmy] What the fudge

does that do?!

-Are you kidding me?

-It can travel

through the placenta

and may induce a miscarriage,

but you have to eat gobs--

[Amy] So much. You--

-Amy, I eat brie every day.

I love brie.

You know I love brie.

What if I'm having

a miscarriage right now?

-No, you're not having

a miscarriage.

-Could this be a miscarriage?

-[Jimmy] You're not having--

I mean, I'm a week early.

-[Jimmy] Baby, baby.

-That's the thing.

I'm a week early, babe!

-You're not having

a miscarriage.

[Ellye] Are you a doctor? No.

So I could be having

a miscarriage.

-You are not

having a miscarriage.

You are fine.

-If you ate wheels.

[Sara] Let's go. Let's go.

I got you. Let's go.

-Brie has mold.

I need a Doppler.

I wanna hear

the baby's heartbeat.

I need to hear the baby's

heartbeat right now.

[Amy] What do we do?

We just-- we follow?

-[Jimmy] That's Sara.

-[Kevin] Who's Sara?

-[Jimmy] Sara's our midwife.

-[Sara] Okay. Ellye--

-I wanna hear

the baby's heartbeat right now.

[Sara] There's nothing wrong

with your baby.

-The only thing that's gonna

calm me down right now is

if I hear the baby's heartbeat

so I'm gonna need you to do

that for me right this second.

-Ellye--

-Okay?

You know what's so funny?

I've actually been doing

everything right.

I've been doing

everything right,

and he's been poisoning me

with brie!

-That I--

-Oh god. [grunts] Oh god.

Oh, it's happening.

-Okay. Twelve minutes.

Twelve minutes.

Good. That's good.

-I want to hear

my baby's heartbeat.

-Ellye. Ellye!

Remember your training.

Feel your body opening up--

-Okay

to let this baby out. Okay?

-Okay.

-The All-Mother inside you

already knows how to do this.

-Am I supposed to be

pushing right now?

Oh, god! [screaming]

[screaming] Oh, god!

-We're gonna miss it.

We're gonna miss it.

Come on.

-Oh, god!

-[Sara] Breathe, Ellye. Come on.

-[doorbell ringing]

-I'm gonna get the front door.

-Okay.

-[Sara] Welcome the pain.

Ride the pain.

-Hey! Oh, good.

-Has the baby happened?

-Not yet. Not yet.

-How's she doing?

-She's good. She's bold.

-Bitsy! Mommy's here.

[Ellye] Aaaahh!

-Ah.

Jimmy, what are you doing?

-Rubbing the n*pples

releases oxytocin. Sara?

-Hi. You must be her mother.

-Keep going.

-I'm Sara, the midwife.

-[Ellye breathing heavily]

-You know what, uh...

Hi, sweetheart. Pardon me.

She likes Swedish massage.

Let me just...

-Hey, Ma. Oh, god.

-Yes. I'm here.

I'm here. I'm here.

I bought some Midol for you.

It's in my purse.

Gary, get me my purse!

-No, Mom. That's not

part of the birth plan.

Oh, my god!

-Angel, sshhh.

The whole neighborhood

can hear you.

-Ellye?

Take hold of your womanhood.

Okay? Use your power.

-Okay.

-[Jimmy] You can do this.

You can do this.

Let's go. Grab it.

-[moans]

-Get it.

-[moaning]

-Hi. Whoa!

-[Gary] I'll go-- go unpack now.

-[Kevin] Let's go. Let's go.

You okay?

-[Ellye moaning]

-[Jimmy] Yes, yes.

-[Sara] Just like we practiced.

[Ellye moans]

-[shrieks]

-[Jimmy laughs]

-All-Mother

is smiling with you.

-I'm so proud of you.

-[both moaning]

-I did it.

-[both laughing]

-[Sara] Very good, Ellye.

-I did it.

-Now you can hear.

[fetal heart beating]

-Hear that?

-Oh.

[Amy] Is that the heartbeat?

-There you are.

[Sara] Welcome to the birth

of Ellye and Jimmy's child.

My job is to make sure

one person's needs

are taken care of.

And that is Ellye.

Your job is to create

a calm space, a loving space,

where we all work together to--

-Hi.

-Gary. Hi.

-Hi, Bitsy.

-Hi.

I'm so glad you're here.

-Of course.

Mommy made me stop

to get some of

your favorite things.

I got your brie.

-Oh. Oh, she can't

actually eat that.

The brie.

-[Linda] Says who?

-Um, doctors and things.

It causes listeriosis, so--

-Throw it out.

-What?

[Amy] No. We don't

need to throw it out.

We will all eat the brie.

It's fine, Mom.

-Oh, we're gonna

have Bitsy watch us

eat her favorite food

and not have any?

No, no. I cannot

enjoy myself that way.

Throw it out.

-I'm not throwing it out.

-[Sara] As I was saying,

we all need to work together

to create a serene,

peaceful environment.

That means no fighting.

Nothing that's going to

disrupt the flow of this--

[Howard] Hello!

-Daddy!

-[both laughing]

-Oh, I can't believe...

-I got your favorites also.

[Howard] ...this gorgeous

creature came from me.

[Ellye] You're gorgeous.

-Hey, Jimmy.

-Good to see you.

-Jimmy. Kevin. Oh.

-Bud.

-Come on. Come on.

-Hi, Daddy. Hi.

-I'm Howard Evans.

Father. Grandfather.

As they say in Soweto,

Great Father.

It's-- it's a little

presumptuous,

but I don't know.

It's got a good ring to it.

You must be the midwife.

-I am.

-Well, it is an honor

to hold hands

that have brought life

into this world.

Although I have

brought clean water

to several villages in Uganda,

and there, as we know,

water is life, so.

-Mm.

-Yeah.

-Life. Yes.

-All right.

-As I was saying--

-Oh, and I-- I-- I'm sorry.

If I could just recite

a Bantu prayer for childbirth

that I came across

on a National Geographic sh**t.

-Why not?

-All right.

"Gently. Smoothly.

Bless this child

and make him..."

wait, do we know the gender?

-No.

-No.

-"Bless this child and

make him or her live and grow.

"May his or her perspiration

be good.

"Make this child be rich,

"so that when we come to visit,

he or she can k*ll an ox for us.

"May this baby trample

on its enemies.

"May he or she drink water

wherever they go,

and let that water

make him or her... happy."

[Ellye] Thanks, Dad.

-As you were saying--?

-Thank you.

Obviously, some of you have

experienced birth firsthand.

But, for those of you

who haven't,

it is the most intense

experience

a woman will ever go through.

Now I'm sure you've seen movies

where women scream in pain.

But, the truth is,

a laboring woman sounds a lot

like a woman in the grip

of a full-body orgasm.

-Oh, please.

-Mom! You promised.

-Is it so strange?

The baby's head stimulates

the same parts of the vag*na

that are stimulated in sex.

-The feeling I had

was definitely not orgasmic.

-Oh, that's not your fault.

Your generation

was the first to experience

the baby-industrial complex.

How could you get in touch

with an orgasmic birth

with your legs up in the air

and your lower body numbed

by an unnecessary epidural?

-This one was a breach.

This one tore

straight through me.

I had to have seven stitches.

Thank goodness

I was in a hospital.

-I had a kidney stone once.

It was-- it was only yay big,

but hurt like the devil.

-Well, on a practical level,

orgasms release

serotonin and oxytocin,

which are natural painkillers.

-Yes. And given my history,

I'll take the natural high,

thank you very much.

-Bitsy, we love you so much.

We are all here

to support your choices.

But could you maybe like

give us a little heads up

when you're gonna, you know,

do that part?

-And I think on that note,

how much of the "down there"

do you want me to film?

-Well--

-Excuse me?

-Oh, Daddy's

gonna film the birth.

-[whispers]

Do you really want your father

to film your girly parts?

-I wiped her off down there

when she was a baby.

-Hardly.

-I'm going to be focused

on getting this baby out

and I want to relive this moment

with my child

so they know how hard I worked

to bring them into the world.

-No child

should ever see that.

-Sweetheart,

I can be on your face

and I pan down when

the baby comes out.

-No, no, no, no.

I want to see the head

coming out of me.

-Oh.

-Oh, speaking of,

I need to borrow Amy.

Come on, Aims.

-Wait, speaking of what?

-Uh, have fun.

-Okay,

just please, please,

please do not break

your water right now. Okay?

-[laughs]

-No, don't...

-You're the best.

-I'm not kidding.

I wouldn't be able to handle it.

-Stop. I'm gonna pee.

-No, that's worse.

I think. I don't even know.

So, what is with this whole

orgasmic birth thing?

-[sighs]

I want the drugs, trust me.

But I made a promise to myself

and my baby to stay clean.

So if an orgasm

can dull the pain,

I'm gonna rub this one

all the way out.

-I don't know.

I've never heard

any of my friends say, like,

"Oh yeah, I got off

during my delivery."

-That buzzer's actually

starting to feel pretty good,

if I do say so.

-Bitsy!

-I feel like I should be

holding your face

in my hands, like,

-No, do not touch me.

-"Come on, baby."

-That's so gross. Stop it.

-[laughs]

[Kevin] Oh, cheese board. Yum.

What do you think they're doing?

-I don't know.

But whatever it is, it's bound

to be hashtag-blessed.

-What's that mean?

-She's on this kick where

she writes hashtag-blessed

after every post,

so it's like, uh...

"Sunset in Malibu:

Hashtag-blessed."

-Oh, okay.

-Um, "Honey lavender ice cream:

Hashtag-blessed."

-Sure.

-"Just took

the biggest dump of my life:

Hashtag-blessed."

-Oh, that's a bit much.

[phone dings]

-What's haps?

-Huh?

-What is going on?

-Nothing, it's just

the baby's gonna come

when the baby's gonna come.

But you think it cares

that tomorrow's the Emmys?

-Yeah. You take the--

you do the television Emmys?

You work that?

-Are you serious? Yeah.

It's the biggest night

of the year for me.

I got all 20 limos out,

including the Pimpmobile.

-Are you telling me right now

that you drive

celebrities around?

-Oh, I don't want to

rush you but we've got like,

five minutes till

the next contraction, so.

-I'm sorry, there's--

there's a lot.

-Oh, come on,

stop acting like

you've never seen

a vag*na before.

-I've never had eye contact

with one before.

-Hello. [laughs]

-[Amy] Stop it. [chuckles]

[Jimmy] Two weeks ago,

I drove Machine g*n Kelly

to Bed Bath and Beyond.

I drove, uh, Nicki Minaj

to the DMV.

-[laughs]

-I drove Beyonc to Taco Bell.

-Okay. I'm gonna

ask you a question

and I need you to

answer it straight up.

-You got it.

-Crunch wrap

or no crunch wrap?

-Burrito Supreme.

-Shut the-- OG Supreme?

-Yeah. The classic.

-sh**t.

-Wait, wait, wait.

Beyonc?

-Yeah.

-Oh, I love

that "Bootylicious."

-Who doesn't love

the "Bootylicious," Gary?

-She can

jelly my donut anytime.

-Okay. [laughs]

-[electric razor whirring]

-And what about, um, names?

-Yeah. We have a boy name.

And then we have

two names for girls.

I just, I feel like I need to

meet them first, you know,

and like get a vibe.

-Okay. Well, if you wanted

some suggestions, you know,

I really like, uh, Clitora.

-What?

-Or, um, Vulveeta.

-[Ellye] [laughs] Stop it.

-Or, I don't know,

Labiana?

-Labiana?!

-[Amy] That's pretty.

-That's actually really good.

Labiana Fergus, that sounds

so regal, like an actress.

-Labiana Ferguson,

you go to your room.

-Get your butt over here, Labi.

[phone pings]

-What do you think of that?

-That's--

-Too much, right?

-Wait, that's posted publicly?

-Yeah, this is--

this is online right now.

-Why?

-She's ready for her close-up,

Mr. DeMille.

Ready for it.

Plus, tomorrow's

also the deadline

for my fantasy football draft.

-Oh.

-Yeah.

Do you play?

You, you in a league?

-Me? I'm not currently.

Have been. Will again.

-You should join mine.

-[whispers] Sign me up.

-Yeah?

-I'm ready for it.

-It's done.

-Okay.

-You're in.

I traded three rounds

for Saquon Barkley.

-Oh, that's such a good call,

because he's so fast.

-[electric razor whirring]

-Oh. [exhaling in pain]

-[Ellye] Amy! What the heck?

-[Amy] Sorry.

Just-- just breathe.

-Oh, my god.

She's bleeding.

-Mom.

Yeah, sorry, that's my bad.

-Ellye, Ellye. Oh, gosh.

Ellye, you-- you need anything?

-[Linda] No.

-[Gary] Band-Aid?

-Why don't you go

and swim some laps?

-[straining]

-No, no, no, no.

It's not time to push yet.

-Ah, sex that poop!

This baby is coming right now.

-You okay, baby?

[Sara] No. The baby's

not fully descended.

Amy, rub her n*pples.

-Oh no, no, no, no.

-Grow up, Amy!

-Rub 'em.

[Howard] I'm so happy to see

you two working together.

-Dad!

-I need to be here.

-Baby. Baby.

-Yeah.

-Mwah.

-f*ck it. Just the n*pples.

Just the n*pples.

No. That's tearing me apart!

-I've got the tub.

The tub. The tub.

-Oohhhhh.

-Move!

-Do you need help?

[Sara] Ellye. Ellye.

Grab hold of your womanhood.

-Nuh-uh.

No, it hurts too bad.

[Sara] Amy, go run a bath.

-Oh, yeah.

-Wait!

I haven't cleaned it out yet.

-I have housekeepers, Mom!

-But you knew I was coming.

-Oh, god!

Get the fudge out of my way.

-Come on, darling.

-[Ellye] Don't touch me, Mom!

-Okay, I'm sorry.

-[Ellye] Mom!

[Sara] Ellye, you're fine.

Just remember your breathing.

Remember your breathing, okay?

You've done this.

[overlapping chattering]

-You're kidding, right?

-[Sara] Okay?

-And cut.

[water splashing]

-Um...

I-- I just feel like

we got off to a bad start.

All this orgasmic delivery

business,

it just, it feels like

one of Bitsy's fads.

You know, like

the raw food Christmas

she made us go through.

-[breathing deeply]

-[Linda chuckles]

It's not like you're

gonna do a rain dance

to make her water break.

[laughs] Right?

It's just that you...

you hear about babies dying

from simple complications

because the mother

insisted on a home birth.

It's just like Bitsy

to make things difficult.

She always has to

make it difficult.

She's like her father that way.

I just really hope...

that you explained to her

what a real delivery is like,

because Lord knows

she won't listen to me.

[Howard]

Not for lack of trying.

-Oh, man.

-Hasn't it been a while

since her last contraction?

-This happens

with first-time mothers.

Contractions are scary and fear

inhibits the release of relaxin,

which helps open up the pelvis.

-Well, what happens

if labor stops?

-We wait.

There is no rush.

Her baby will come

when it's ready.

-I am having this baby today.

Okay?

Sara?

-[Sara] Hm?

-Isn't there anything that

we can do to speed things up?

-I always suggest sex.

You get contraction

from an orgasm

and semen has prostaglandins,

which ripen the cervix.

-Do you hear that?

-Love puts it in,

love gets it out.

-Jimmy!

It's showtime, babe.

-Jimmy?

-[Jimmy] Huh?

-You make sure you give her

a good strong orgasm, okay?

-[Linda gasps]

-Damn straight.

-Come on, baby.

-I'm coming.

I'm coming. Ssshhh.

Linda.

-What are you doing?

-You better grab a seat,

get nice and cozy,

'cause Daddy about to sex

your daughter real good.

-You're so stupid.

Come on. Let's go.

Oh. Let's go. Yes.

-You like that?

-Oh, it feels so good.

Oh, my god. [moans]

I love you.

I love you so much.

Oh, baby. Yeah.

-Baby, isn't the baby's

head right, like,

right there?

-Yeah.

-What is the soft spot

called again?

-The, uh, the fontanelle.

-I don't know.

What if he pokes that?

-Oh.

-[Ellye] Oh, my god. Yeah.

-I would feel awful

if I lobotomized my baby

with my d*ck.

-[Amy chuckles]

-[Ellye and Jimmy moaning]

-No. No.

-[Jimmy] Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you.

-[clapping]

-[chuckles] Come on.

-[clapping]

-What'd I miss?

[crickets chirping]

[phone beeps]

[message dings]

-Hey, Jimmy.

-Hey.

-Is now a good time?

-Ah, yeah.

-Fine.

-Yeah.

-Ah...

[sighs]

Hey.

-Hey.

-I'm glad

that you and Ellye

had that moment to--

to... connect.

-I, uh, I'm sorry

you heard that.

-You know, I don't know

if you heard

that might be the last time

for a while.

Yeah. At least a month.

-Yeah?

-Longer if she tears.

-Okay.

-Oh, oh, oh, oh.

When we had the girls,

we went to Lamaze,

did the breathing,

but nothing prepared us

for what it would be like

once that baby came out.

I just want to impart

some hard wisdom

that I learned from

mistakes that I made.

-Thank you.

-Uh, we both know, like,

sex is not just sex, right?

It's the connection.

It's the intimacy.

She's going to be getting

all that soon from the baby.

The last thing she's going to be

wanting to think about is,

uh, [mumbles] down there.

-Mm-hm. In this area.

-The good news--

most women say that

watching a man

be a good father,

that is the most powerful

aphrodisiac there is.

I missed out on all that.

Being on shoots and whatever.

-Oh, don't you--

-So don't you do that.

-I won't. I promise.

-Now, let's talk about

your self-care.

-We don't have to.

-Your release, uh...

-We don't...

-Fortunately,

there's the internet.

You don't need

some secret stash of...

-We're doing it. Okay.

-...of magazines and videos.

And you know, Ellye shouldn't

have a problem with that.

I mean, come on.

She stayed at my place.

She watched the videos.

Yeah. I know that for a fact,

because she never rewound them

to the right spot. Right?

-[sighs deeply]

-I just wanted to tell you

I am here for you.

-Thank you.

-Man to man.

-Man to man.

-Father to father.

As they say in Swahili,

baba to baba.

-Yeah. You went Swahili

on me. [laughs]

-Come here.

-Look at that.

You okay? You okay?

-Yeah.

[door opens, closes]

-What the f*ck was that?

[Sara] Still only

three centimeters,

and it's been 50 minutes

since your last contraction.

So, I'm gonna take off.

-What do you mean,

you're gonna take off?

-If your contractions

start up again,

I'm only 20 minutes away.

-No. I really don't think

it's a good idea.

I think you need to stay here

because I mean,

it could change at any second.

-Ellye? Ellye.

It's all perfectly normal. Okay?

The All-Mother inside you knows

when this baby's

supposed to be here,

and we can't rush her. Okay?

Now just try to relax.

Enjoy your family.

I'll be back.

[crickets chirping]

-Ugh, I want food.

-We are eating soon, right?

-Yes. I want it in my body.

-I'm worried

we're gonna have to cook.

I don't know.

-No.

-'Cause my stomach is mining

itself for trace nutrients.

-[scoffs]

-What's that?

-[reading]

"Stolen from Martha Evans."

Who is that?

Oh, your grandma?

-Towards the end,

when she was getting sick,

she thought that everyone

was stealing from her,

so she wrote

"Stolen from Martha Evans"

on the bottom of

everything she owned.

-Salty.

Your mom stole it?

[Amy] Mm-hm. Oh, hey.

-Hey.

-I don't remember,

uh, seeing this

when we were

cleaning out the garage.

-Oh, she must have

given that to Ellye

before she passed.

-What teenager wants a vase?

-[scoffs] Your father

wanted to give away

all of his mother's things

to one of his

godforsaken charities.

The only reason

you two have anything...

-[doorbell rings]

-...is because Gary

went to the house

and brought everything

back to our garage.

You're welcome.

-[doorbell rings]

[door closes]

-Hey, here's your, uh--

-Where are you going?

-Well, Ellye's body

is taking a break.

Maybe the rest of you

should as well.

-[man] Uh...

-Watch a movie,

and try to enjoy

each other's company.

-Oh, so that's it?

You're just clocking out now?

[Sara] Linda...

My job is to help her

focus on the job of labor.

-I'll just put this down here.

-Your job is to support her.

Instead, you've been layering on

more and more stress.

-Oh, excuse me.

So now I'm to blame?

-If I were you,

I would be thankful

that Ellye wanted the woman

who brought her into the world

to share this.

She doesn't need

any of you here.

-Oh.

-Try to remember that. Okay?

-[man] Have a good night.

-Oh, god.

-I can just put these

down anywhere.

It's not a big deal.

-Gary, tip this guy.

-It's included.

-Indeed it is. Have a good

night, sir. Thank you.

[door closes]

-[giggling]

-[Ellye stomping]

-Mom, what is so funny

about Ellye stopping labor?

-There's nothing funny.

[reading]

"Poor baby stopped labor.

Lots of love."

-No, Mom.

LOL means laugh out loud.

-Mom!

What the fudge is this?

-God. Oh, god.

I don't know how to do this.

Oh, my god.

How do I get out of here now?

How do I get rid of it?

Will you stop walking

back and forth?

You're gonna-- you're gonna

trip and have a miscarriage.

[Amy and Ellye] Mom!

-All right, everybody,

who wants to see

some home movies?

-I do. I do.

-Oh, yes!

-Got lots of

good memories here.

-Oh, that's because

you only took the camera out

for holidays and birthdays.

-Look, we don't

have to watch this.

[Amy] No. Yes, Daddy. We do.

Let's do it. Come on.

-Let's go. Let's go watch.

-Ellye, let's go. Mom.

-Delete that.

-I don't know how.

Oh, god.

[Linda] Oh, look at that, Amy.

-[Amy] I'm very studious.

-[Kevin] That's so cute.

[Howard] I always made you read.

-[gasps] Oh, my--

that's my Missis Bixby!

-No, that's my Missis Bixby.

-Uh, no. It is not.

That's my Missis Bixby and see?

That's the dress

that Mom made for it.

-Your sister's right.

I remember making that dress.

-Yes. You made that dress

when I went away to summer camp

because you thought

when I came back,

if the doll looked different,

I wouldn't think it was mine.

-You had outgrown that doll.

-It was still my doll.

-Are you kidding me?

Missis Bixby was a hand-me-down?

-[Amy] Yes!

-Mom!

-Girls. Girls.

-That is savage.

I loved that doll.

-Oh, my god.

[Howard] Hey, girls,

there's your Grandpa Evans.

[all] Aw.

-He was such a good man.

-He was so sweet.

-Yeah.

[Amy] What?

[Linda] Wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait.

Stop it! Stop it!

-[Amy] Mom?

-Stop it! Stop it!

-[Jimmy] Don't stop it.

-[Jimmy] God.

-[Amy] Mom!

-[Howard laughs]

-[Ellye] Dad, you are so...

-[Amy] Mom!

-[Ellye] Mom!

-I assume we're all getting

a copy of this for Christmas?

[Linda] Seriously!

-[Amy] That is my mother.

-[Jimmy] Your mom's fine.

-I will take the crack for you.

You have been dealing

with my family.

I will sleep against the wall.

-Oh, that's an unfair trade.

That's a Pilgrim-style trade.

-[Amy chuckles]

[Jimmy] Kevin.

-Hm?

-It's time.

-Time?

-Hot tub time.

It's hot tub time.

-Oh my god. That sounds

so delightful but I can't.

-Yes, you can.

-No.

-[whispering]

Ask him about the name.

-I-- I can't

'cause I don't--

I don't have my swim trunks.

Don't have my gear.

I want to.

-All right, don't trip.

I'll let you borrow

a pair of mine.

[Kevin] Oh.

-Yeah, I got you.

-I never trip but, uh--

[mouths] f*ck.

-Have fun.

-Boiling water

and a shredded p*nis.

-[Jimmy] Get in the water.

-[Kevin] Oh, I'm getting in.

-Do it.

-I'm gonna do it.

-Here we go.

-I'm gonna...

-Yes. Yes!

-Haaaaaahhhh!

Oh, yes. It feels so good.

-Yeah, it does.

-It feels so soothing.

Oh, I'm grateful

for this-- this time.

-Man, I'm glad

you are here with me.

Can I get something

off my chest?

-I would-- I would be sad

if you didn't.

-f*ck. sh*t. a*s. d*ck.

-Uh-huh.

-p*ssy. f*ck.

m*therf*cker.

sh*t a*s plot. [laughs]

-That felt good for me, too.

-Feels good.

That's much better.

-[moans]

-I gotta be honest.

I don't know what Ellye's

more stressed out about,

you coming

or the baby coming.

-Uh, sure.

-And when I say you,

I don't-- I don't mean you you.

I mean--

-Oh, no. I know. Me.

I've been dealing with

all this for seven years, man.

It's tense.

-What the f*ck

is up with this china?

-The china.

-Why don't you guys

take the china?

-I'm not gonna take the china.

-Please take the china.

-I will not take the china.

-I want to give you the china.

-I want to push the china

back in your face

and let you guys

deal with that sh*t.

I actually think

if Linda wasn't around,

the girls would be

better friends.

-Fat chance on that

now that she's moving here.

-Whoa.

-I didn't say that.

You didn't hear me.

Look, do me a favor.

Do not tell Amy.

-Come on.

-I know.

-I do have to tell her.

You know this.

-Yeah.

Well, I wasn't planning on

having sex anytime soon

due to the birth

of my child, so.

-We're good.

-You got some names picked out?

-Don't do that.

-[snickers]

-[laughs]

f*ck' A. What the f*ck.

-It's so obvious.

She made me ask.

-I know she did.

I can't tell you.

-She wants to know so bad.

-I want to tell you,

but I f*cking can't tell you.

And she's just so afraid

somebody's gonna criticize

the baby's name or steal it.

-Oh, really?

She's worried about that sh*t?

-She's worried.

I'm not worried about that sh*t.

-Well, I couldn't find

my bathing suit on the 'Bago

but we're all family here,

right?

-Sure.

-Oh.

-That's twice in one day.

-I'm sorry.

-[Kevin groans]

-You okay?

-Yeah, I'm okay.

And while you're down there,

do you want to...?

-Ha-ha-ha. Very funny.

-I'm just looking

for a joke somewhere.

-Okay. Oh. Oof. Okay, so?

-Oh, yes. Okay.

So yes, they have picked

some names out.

But Jimmy said Ellye

doesn't want to share them

because she's worried people

will criticize or steal them.

-She's worried

someone will steal it?

-[gasps] Yes.

-I'm sorry. I am sorry.

-I know. And there's

one more thing, um...

-Yeah?

-...that I need to

share with you.

It's that your mom and Gary

are gonna move here.

Watch it, please.

-What?

-[Kevin] Ginger, I know.

-g*dd*mn.

-It's bullshit.

-You know they would

never do that for us.

-Of course not.

-[Amy] Oh, no.

Only for Bitsy.

Bitsy's the baby. God-- mother--

-Oh, you gonna go now?

Okay. Um, I got this.

[tense music playing]

[knocks on door]

-My glaucoma is

really acting up.

Thank you.

I'm sorry that Mom freaked out

about the movie.

[lighter clicks]

-[chuckles] I'm so used

to playing the villain by now.

-Well, I loved seeing

the old house.

-Yeah.

-And my old room.

-I know.

-Dad.

-I'm so glad somebody's

got some good memories.

Gosh, you are a tangle of knots.

-I wonder why.

-You cannot keep

this stuff bottled up.

-I know. But come on,

if I tell her,

she's gonna make it

all about her.

That's what she always does.

Where do you think

Bitsy gets it from?

-You know, the Yoruba tribe

had this expression:

"Keeping silent

is an attribute of the dead."

[clicks tongue]

Might be the Kikuyu tribe.

-I can't get that image

out of my brain.

-I know.

And if I'd known

that that was laying around,

I would have--

I would have gotten it

in the divorce and--

and I would have burned it.

I absolutely

would not want to know

what you were doing

before we were together.

For real.

-Who can remember?

-[laughs]

-I think I had sex

in an airplane bathroom once.

-I hope it was first class.

-Coach.

Impossible to maneuver.

-I wish

I had met you first...

You know...

you had a similar view,

but many more times than Howard.

-How about an instant replay?

-[laughs]

-Hi.

-[Amy] Hi.

What are you working on?

-Uh,

a fantasy football thing.

Jimmy asked me to--

what are you working on,

little sauce packet?

What's happening?

-You don't like football.

-I know. But he loves it.

I need something

to talk to him about

when we come here

every f*cking holiday.

This house. That painting.

-Oh.

-This is our Thanksgiving

from now on, baby.

-Well, I've been thinking

that this has been

so hard on you.

Um, how about if

I go hard on you? Hm?

-Lemme just--

lemme just...

let me try to get this right.

-[giggles]

-You're offering

to go hard on me.

-Mm-hm. With all this.

-Wait, all-- with this?

-I mean, this.

-These jammies?

-This.

This.

-These Tar-jay jammies?

-Oh, my Tar-jay jammies, yeah.

-I want to tear 'em apart,

but Dr. Tamblyn told me

I can't do any vigorous

or strenuous exercise

because I'll will tear open

my ball stitches.

-Ohhh.

-And you know I bring

the vigor and strain when I...

-You really do.

-...when I bring anything.

-[giggles]

[Amy moaning]

-[Linda grunting]

-Oh, poor Ellye.

-Oh, god.

-[Linda moaning]

-Oh, god.

-What?

-[Linda] Don't stop.

-That's not Ellye.

-Stop that.

-Oh, god.

-They should stop doing that.

-No, no, no, no, no, no.

-They should stop do--

you should stop doing that.

-No, no, no, no, no.

-Ugh. Jimmy!

-[Jimmy] Yeah.

-Can I get a fresh roll?

-[Linda moaning]

-Is that Amy?

-[Linda and Gary moaning]

-Your mom.

You guys kind of sound alike.

-Get out of here.

[door closes]

-It's like I'm 12

all over again.

They used to do this

all the time

when they first started dating.

They didn't even wait

until I fell asleep.

-That's terrible.

-Yes.

-I think we're

the only people in this house

not having sex.

-Well, and my dad.

[Russian porn dialogs]

[Howard] No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No.

Oh, this stupid buffering.

-[snoring]

-[snoring]

-[owl hooting]

-[dog barking]

-Ugh.

["Somebody New"

by Broken Bellows playing]

-Wow. [laughs] Great.

-Hi. Good morning.

-Good morning.

-Hi.

-Ooh. Did someone make bacon?

-You mean,

aside from Mom and Gary?

-Deee-ammn!

-So gross.

-You two can

sneak off anytime.

Your eggs aren't going to

last forever, you know.

-Hey, you want

some pancakes?

-Yes. So... any progress?

-Mm. Baby kicked a lot.

-Oh, damn.

-[into phone] No, no, no,

I get that there's a problem

but I just don't understand

how it's my problem.

-[Howard groaning]

Well! Today's the big day, huh?

-[blows raspberry]

-I hope everybody slept well.

-You know, some less

than others actually.

Right, Mom?

-[laughs]

-All right now.

-Mm.

-Let's bow our heads

in prayer.

-Yeah.

-Okay? Here we go, y'all.

Grace time.

Father, God,

who art in heaven,

we are so blessed to have

our family here together

to celebrate this blessed event.

Thank you so much

for keeping us strong

on this path of sobriety

all these months.

-Ten months

and counting, baby.

-Ten months.

One day at a time.

I know we ask for a lot

and we are very grateful,

but if you could just give

our baby a little push...

-[Amy chuckles]

-There are seven individuals

right here at this table

who are eager to meet

him or her.

And with that,

we praise your name. Amen.

-Amen.

-[exhales]

So beautiful, baby.

Looks great.

-Mm. Smells so good.

-Oh. [groans]

[Ellye groaning]

Oh, sorry.

I'm just... I'm just gassy.

-So, Gary,

how's the remodel going?

-[groans] Oh, you know,

it is what it is.

Ugh, I'll tell you

one thing, though,

the guy we bought

that house from at Yahoo,

he screwed it up but good.

He-- he used interior caulk

for exterior pipes.

I had to run all of the caulk

out of the house.

I called the insurance company.

They went right to

the sewer line.

And-- and it was caulk

coming out everywhere.

-Call-ck.

-What?

-Call-ck. Call-ck.

-[Gary] That's what I said.

Anyway, I-- I-- I had to

pull out all of the caulk

and install all new c*ck-eyed

caulk coming out of my ears.

-God.

-That is such a shame, Gary.

No, that is a shame.

That's awful.

-It is.

-And that's really tough,

honestly.

-I mean, you have to put

all that money in.

You-- you got to do the work.

I mean, it's your dream house.

You guys are gonna live there

for the rest of your lives.

-[whispers] Baby.

-Oh, I don't know.

Priorities shift.

-Clearly.

You don't even have a house.

-That is not true.

-[laughs]

-Like the turtle or the snail,

I live in my home.

And if I want to be

closer to my kids,

I just gas up the 'Bago and...

-We're so happy

you're here, Daddy.

-Thank you.

-Who wants a mimosa? Hm?

I can't be the only one here

who wants a g*dd*mn drink.

-[Ellye] Mom.

-What?

-You can't drink

in my house. I mean...

-[chuckles] Okay, fine.

We'll serve it poolside.

Come on. Cheers.

[cork pops]

[indistinct chattering]

- ...okay? We're gonna--

we're gonna [indistinct] this.

And you're gonna talk to them.

I'm not gonna say--

-Hi. Um, just,

how long do you guys,

uh, want us to wait around

for things to, you know, happen?

-Don't tell me

you're thinking of leaving?

What if you're on a plane

and Bitsy goes into labor?

Why don't you take

a vacation week?

-No, we can't actually.

They're all accounted for.

-I didn't travel

until you girls were teens.

It must be great not to have

kids to cramp your style.

-I'm curious, Mom.

Would you, um, ask Bitsy

to miss a photoshoot

for my delivery?

-Oh, come on.

It's not the same thing.

-No, of course.

It's not the same,

which is why you guys

are moving here

so you can help out

your widdle baby

and your grandbabykins.

-Bitsy is going to need

all the help she can get

with childcare.

When she went into rehab,

she lost a lot of contracts.

And now, she has to

reenter the world

and reclaim herself

as a supermodel.

-She's not a supermodel.

She's a supersized model.

-Amy, that's a terrible

thing to say.

You're better than that.

-She can be

when she wants to be.

[chuckles] Okay.

If nothing's happening

by tomorrow, you can leave.

-I wasn't asking

for permission.

-Uh...

-Hm. God.

[doorbell rings]

[Calliope] No, no, no.

Stop, stop.

No, no. Stop, stop. Don't--

-Hi.

-Hi.

Oh, my god.

You are the one who shaved

Ellye's vajayjay.

-Oh, yeah. That's me.

-Hi. I brought cupcakes.

-Hi.

-Whuzzup, sl*t?

-[Calliope] Hi.

-Oh, my god.

What are you doing here?

I didn't know

you were gonna come.

Oh, my god.

Hello, little one.

Oh, my god. He's so cute.

He's so big.

-I know. He's a giant.

-Amy, isn't he so sweet?

Hello.

-Do you wanna hold him?

-Oh, no.

-So I don't want to take up

too much of your time.

He's teething,

he's a total savage,

and all he wants are t*tties.

-Give him the t*tties.

-Yeah?

-Yes, nurse him here.

Let's go. Ah, yeah.

There's a glider

in the baby room.

It'll be, it's--

it's perfect.

Jimmy. Jimmy,

we need some water.

Please. There's a nursing woman

in the house.

-I know.

-[baby] Da-da.

-Da-da.

-I'm Mama, okay?

Stop being so rude.

-[giggles]

-I'm just gonna,

if it's okay with you,

just take a little nap,

and like, once I fall asleep,

just put a pillow over my head

and take me out

of my misery, okay?

[Ellye] [over baby monitor]

Okay.

[Calliope] Oh, my god.

And like when he finishes?

I'm so dehydrated that my t*ts,

they just look like

little sad raisins.

-It's a show.

-[Ellye] Oh, no.

-We're listening to this?

-Yeah.

[Ellye]

Oh, don't worry about it.

Ronny will buy you new ones.

- [Calliope] Oh, right.

f*ck yeah, he will.

I put it in the prenup.

-Oh, good girl.

That's my girl.

-So have you thought about like,

maybe getting induced?

I know it's a bad word. I know.

-No. I sleepwalked

through my 20s, Callie.

I barely remember them.

For this, I... I really

want to be present.

I just want to feel everything.

-Oh, that is so sweet.

And just like super wrong.

It hurts so bad, girl.

-Okay. Okay.

-I know I'm supposed to

only say nice things, right?

-Yeah, you're supposed to

tell me I can do it.

-You can do it.

-It's gonna be great.

-You're gonna be great.

It's gonna be amazing.

And you need no drugs.

You just need orgasms.

And speaking of which,

have you heard of

a Sybian machine?

-No.

-It's like,

it's like a vibrator.

But it's got this thing

in the center.

You straddle it

like a bucking bronco

or more like a f*cking bronco.

-No.

-Yeah.

-I don't know.

Jimmy and I tried sex

and it didn't really

do anything.

-No offense to Jimmy,

but what man can compete

with a vibrator?

-This guy. This guy.

-I can compete,

and I win against vibrators.

-So how is it

having everybody here?

Your sister?

-[gasps] It's me.

-[Calliope] She seems nice.

-[Ellye] Yeah.

[Calliope]

Like what's her deal?

Does she not want kids?

-She doesn't really

talk about it.

-[Calliope] Yeah.

-I--I think she wants kids.

-I mean, she looked at me

like I was like

the evil wicked witch

when I asked her if she

wanted to hold him, right?

I mean, like what--

-[Ellye] That was weird.

-person doesn't

want to hold a cute baby?

-[Ellye] I know.

-[Kevin] Okay, let's just--

[Ellye] I can't really get

a read on her, honestly.

She definitely does not

have a maternal vibe.

[Calliope] Yeah.

[Ellye] You know, maybe

she'll be a really good aunt.

She can just swoop in,

spoil the crap out of him,

and then peace--

-All right.

-No.

-No, I'm just gonna turn it off.

-Hon.

-Babe. We're gonna tell them.

-No, because

she's gonna think

that we're trying

to upstage her.

Please don't. Please.

-Upstage?

-sh*t. Damn it.

sh*t.

-Hey, Linda.

I think it's time

we have a talk.

-[water splashes]

-[Linda] Oh!

-[mumbling under water]

-What's happening?

What's he doing?

What--what's wrong?

[Gary] I think he's drowning.

[Linda] What?

[Jimmy] Yeah.

-He's saying something.

-[mumbling under water]

[Linda] Wait a second.

-I might have to call you back.

-He just did something

really rude under there.

Okay, hold on.

-[mumbling under water]

-Hey, are you two fighting?

-It's nothing.

Don't worry about it.

-Well, worrying

is what a mother does.

Well, you'd find out

if you had kids.

-Well, I can't.

-What do you mean you can't?

-She can't get pregnant.

-How do you know?

-Linda, she told me

because she knew

I would listen

and not try to fix it.

-That's you in a nutshell.

-Yeah, that is me

in a nutshell.

-Um, I'm sorry.

I thought that I could do this,

but I can't.

-Wh... what's going on?

-Bits, um, I love you.

And I really, I want to

be here for you.

But, uh, I just can't

even look at you

without feeling like

a failure, so, um...

-Trust me,

it looks really glamorous,

but you wouldn't

want to be a model.

-Sweetie, your sister

can't get pregnant.

-I don't see

how you could get pregnant

with your husband on the road--

-Don't you talk about Kevin.

You don't get to do that.

Don't you dare.

He has jerked off into cups

and he got his blood drawn

and he took out a second

mortgage on the house

all because I wanted

to have a baby, myself, in me...

but...

I... I can't.

I've, um... I've had

seven miscarriages.

-Oh.

-Yeah, seven.

And um, each time,

I would feel so hopeful,

you know, and--and

then it was just...

it was just over and I felt

so broken and betrayed

by my body and--and--

and uncomfortable in my skin

and it got to a point where

I didn't even want him

to touch me

and I said to him that i--i--

if he wanted to get a divorce,

I would totally understand it,

and do you know what he did?

Do you know?

[door sliding]

Do you know

what this good man did?

He got a vasectomy

because he said

that he didn't want to have kids

if it wasn't with me.

So you don't get to

talk about him.

Are you okay?

-Hey... hey.

[Amy cries]

-I'm--

I'm just gonna go.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-I'll call you.

-Yeah.

[distant dog barking]

[Amy] Hm?

-Hi.

-Hi.

-I'm so sorry.

I just, I had no idea.

-I know.

-Why didn't you tell me?

-I just, um, I didn't

want it to be true.

-God.

-Yeah.

-Do you want to see your niece?

-What?

Who is that?

-It's our baby.

-No.

-Yeah.

-You're adopting?

-[Amy] We are.

-Oh, my god. Amy!

Oh, my god...

I'm gonna be an auntie.

Kevin. Do they know?

Do they know?

-No. No one knows.

-Everybody, get in here!

-They're gonna know it now.

-Mm-hm. They're gonna know.

-Kevin and Amy are adopting!

-[Linda] What?

-[Jimmy] What?!

-[Ellye] Yes!

-[Howard] Hey!

-Come on.

-[Howard] Hey.

-Come on.

Gotta get it done somehow.

-I'd do it.

-Yeah. It's actually,

um, why we couldn't stay

the whole week because we're,

um, banking our vacation days

because in India--

-India?

-Yeah.

Even after you get the baby,

you have to stay

for a couple of weeks.

-India?!

-[Amy] Yeah.

[Ellye]

You are gonna love India.

Oh, my god.

Okay, you have to go

to the Taj Mahal.

That's a given. And then--

oh, there's this

great place to stay,

the Leela Palace Udaipur.

They have tons of weddings

there, so crash one.

Remember Nick

and Priyanka's wedding?

-Babe. Babe. Babe.

-Bits, it's not

that kind of trip.

-Howard!

We're gonna be double Pop Pop.

-Yeah!

[laughter]

-I love you, kid.

-Pop Pop Pop Pop.

-From the moment I met you,

like you were mine,

but--I mean, you never

called me Dad

but I never minded.

[Linda] She looks like you.

She's so sweet.

-[whispers] I gotta talk to you.

-Be right back.

[Amy] She's so cute.

-[Ellye] What's going on?

-Okay. You know I love you.

-[chuckles] Just--

just tell me.

-You mean everything to me.

-Mm-hm.

-I gotta go into work

and drive Guy Fieri.

-[scoffs]

Are you kidding me?

-No, I'm not kidding you.

And I don't want to do it,

but it's--

-Then don't.

-Hector broke his wrist

and Big John went

to the game last night

and I told him not to eat

the fudging street dogs

and that muffin-farming,

cork-sucking--

-I really need you here.

-I can't.

-With me, okay?

I'm literally having

our baby right now.

Do you understand that?

-Well...

But are you right now...

doing it, like, right now?

We're not in a labor pattern

right now.

It's kind of like

we pushed pause--

-This is f*cking great.

-Baby ears.

[Kevin] [into phone]

Messina.

That's M-E-S-S-I-N-A.

Yeah, I understand

about the fee.

But we do want to switch

the tickets to today, please.

-You're--

you're not leaving today.

-I'm so sorry, Ellye.

I have a trade show

that I have to prep for.

We'll be back in a week.

If the baby comes sooner,

Amy'll take an earlier flight.

[into phone] Okay,

is that LA or Denver?

Yes, we will take those two.

Can I use miles

for any of that, please?

-[doorbell rings]

[Kevin] [into phone]

Oh, that's great.

All right.

Yeah, I'll hold.

-Oh, hi.

Everyone, Sara's here.

The midwife, she's back.

-How's our hot mama doing?

-Good. Good.

Come in. Come in.

-Well, you're five centimeters

and completely effaced.

The baby's in position.

Everything seems ready.

-Uh, that looks like

more than a little blood.

-It's okay.

We call it bloody show.

-[laughs] Hey, baby.

It's a great name

for a metal band, right?

-That means

that I'm gonna go into labor

soon though, right?

-In the next few hours.

Typically.

-How many hours

are we talking here?

-We won't know until

her contractions start up again.

-See, babe?

Nothing to worry about.

Got all the time in the world.

All you do is you... mwah...

you stay here [kisses]

looking as lovely as you do,

and just keep listening

to your body.

Keep listening.

-Isn't there anything

that you can do?

-Well, Ellye,

you can go to a hospital

and get started on Pitocin

if it's that important to you.

But, in your baby plan,

you said you wanted

a natural,

stress-free delivery.

-Yeah, this has been

incredibly relaxing.

-How about I go make you

some Ashwagandha tea?

[Amy] She's gonna be

your grandbaby, too.

[Gary] Don't worry about it.

We can split our time

between the two of you.

It's gotta be

cheaper in Denver

and Ellye and Jimmy can

certainly afford a nanny.

Kevin's on the road.

[continues indistinctly]

[lively music plays]

[vibrator whirrs]

-Didn't Becky and Jonah's

son adopt?

-Uh-huh.

-Sweet kids. Smart, too.

-Oh, yeah.

-Yeah, but it took them years.

[vibrator whirring]

-Found out that you can

speed things up

if you're willing to take

a child

with a medical condition,

and since we have

really good insurance,

we decided to do that.

-Wh--wh--what

kind of medical condition?

[vibrator whirring]

-Born with extra fingers.

-Born with not enough fingers.

-Born without a hand.

-Webbed fingers.

-[vibrator whirring]

-[moaning]

-Club foot.

-Cleft palette.

-Albinism.

-Dwarfism.

-[vibrator whirring]

-[moaning]

-Deaf from birth.

-Blind from birth.

-Um, partially deaf.

-Partially blind.

-[vibrator whirring]

-[moaning]

-Organs on the outside.

-Wait, organs on

the out--outside?

-[vibrator whirring]

-[moaning]

[moaning loudly]

-Organs on the outside.

-[vibrator whirring]

-[moaning]

Oh, god. [panting]

-[phone ringing]

-What happened?

-Okay. Looks like

we're back in business.

-It's happening, baby,

it's happening again.

[Sara] Hello? Yes.

Hey, no, no.

Sshhh. Baby, baby.

Slow down.

-[Jimmy] Are you okay?

-[Sara] I can't... what?

When?

[Gary] Breathe. Breathe.

[Sara] Are you okay?

Okay. Thank god.

-[Gary] Cold compress.

[Sara] And Daddy, is he--?

What?

Wh...?

[Gary]

How about some water?

[Howard] Sweetheart,

you're awfully backlit here.

Maybe we--can we just

go to the other room?

You know, the light

is much better there.

[Linda] You're okay.

You're okay.

-My--my husband got hit

on his way to my daughter's

soccer game.

-Oh my god, are you okay?

-What?

-I don't know.

I don't know.

He got t-boned on

the driver's side.

[Amy] Oh, my god.

Okay. Sit down.

-Sit, sit, sit.

-I'm gonna get--

I'm gonna get some water.

[water running in glass]

[Howard]

Where did they take him?

[Sara] I don't know.

[Amy] Here you go.

-Kaiser, I think. I...

I have...

I--I have to go.

-Uh, but, uh, well,

Ellye needs you here.

-Her husband

just had a car accident.

-It's a terrible tragedy.

But--but if it was

a major accident,

he'd be in the operating room.

And--

-Mom!

[Linda] I'm not a monster.

I'm just pointing out that

you won't be able to see him.

And if it's a minor accident,

then your daughter

is gonna with him.

So Ellye needs you

here right now.

And she's paying you.

-Linda! Stop talking.

-Let me take you

to the hospital.

-Okay. Thank you.

-Yes, yes.

-[Ellye] Wait, what do I do?

-Um, um...

I'll call the backup.

-Oh, now you say it.

[Ellye] Oh, my god.

-Ellye, I'm sorry.

I, uh... you know, remember

your training and your...

-Text me the number, Sara.

-Calm down.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

We're gonna get a backup.

-Wait, wait, wait, wait, please,

before you go.

Do you have a backup?

Oh, okay.

Oh.

Okay.

If you did that,

that would be so amazing.

Oh my god.

You sound so--hello?

Okay, uh, Sara's backup

is in delivery right now

and the backup to the backup

just went into labor

two weeks early,

so we are f*cked.

-Did you tell her

it was an emergency?

[Jimmy] I--I--I said

it was an emergency.

I did, Linda. I did.

But she did say

that she would make a call

and find out

if anybody is available

if she got another break.

But the way it sounds,

she's gonna be swamped.

I don't see that happening

anytime soon.

-Do your docs know any OBs?

-I--I work for dermatologists.

[Ellye] Jimmy, that is not

part of our birth plan!

-Babe, I know. Okay?

What would you have me do?

[Ellye] Find me a midwife.

It's a big city.

[car door closes]

-f*ck.

[breathes deeply]

Siri, find a midwife near me.

[Siri] I found these results

for find a midwife near me.

-Amy!

-[Amy] Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

-Aims, can you come

press on my back, please?

Press on my back.

-I'm here. Yes, yes, yes.

I'm here.

-This is me? I'm on this.

I'm on this.

-[groaning] Oh God.

Yes. That's good.

[Kevin] You get her,

I'll get you.

-Mommy.

-Yes. Yes, doll.

-Can you, um, can you make me

a roast beef sandwich

on the cute little

Hawaiian roll, please?

-Oh, absolutely.

I'm so glad

you're eating meat again.

-[Ellye] Yeah.

-I just wish Amy would.

-Oh yeah, this is good.

-[laughing]

-My name's on the--

on the business...

So, you know, if you say

my name, she's gonna be like,

"Well, what about us?"

Our name. f*ck it.

Yeah. Our name's

on the business card,

even though it's my name

on the f*cking bills.

[phone message beeping]

Please, God, make this...

f*ck, yeah.

-Argh.

I bet it was from freezing

off those vaginal warts.

[Ellye] Excuse me?

[Linda] When Amy came back

from her sophomore year,

remember you went to Dr. Allen?

-What's your point?

-That's why

you can't have kids.

-Oh, Jesus, Linda.

-Oh, it must be

scorched earth down there.

-Christ, woman.

-I'm sorry.

-I'm just saying, look,

it--it can't be genetic.

That's all.

-Oh, okay.

Well, there it is, guys.

-By the way, Bitsy,

I've been very worried

about your body.

I mean, the junk

you've put in it.

-Ugh.

-Dad.

-But you had an amnio.

So we're good.

-No amnio.

-What? Are you crazy?

Your Aunt Judy

didn't have an amnio

and she had a baby

born without a brain.

And she only smoked pot.

[both] Mom!

[phone message beeps]

-Baby! Baby!

-What's happening?

-What's going on?

-Babe, you gave

your man a task

and he got it done, girl.

I found a midwife.

[Ellye] Oh, my god.

-I found a midwife.

Now open your legs.

-What are you doing?

-I need to check

how many centimeters

you're dilated. Let's go.

[Ellye] That's not how

it works, baby.

You don't put up

a ruler up there.

Just text her and tell her

five centimeters.

[phone message beeps]

-What'd she say?

-[phone message beeps]

-[reading] "On my way."

-We got a midwife.

-I'm happy for you.

-We're back on track.

[grunting]

[doorbell rings]

Jimmy!!

-Hey!

Yo. sh*t.

Um... hi, I'm--I--I'm Jimmy.

-Cheyenne.

I'm your midwife.

-Babe!

Babe!

-[Ellye] Is it the midwife?

-The midwife is here.

[Ellye] Oh, thank god. Okay.

Thank god. Um...

-Woo, look at you. Mm.

-Hi.

-Cheyenne.

-The midwife?

-The midwife.

-Yes.

-Amazing.

Um, could you just give us...

could you give us a second?

-Sure, of course.

Take your time. Yeah.

-Just one.

-I'm so sorry.

One second.

-Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

-You said she.

-No, you know, um,

when I think back,

I believe I said

they or them.

-No, baby. No.

I said text her

and you were like,

"Okay, I'm gonna

text her right now."

-No, I didn't say her.

I just got a text back.

-[Ellye] Baby.

-[Jimmy] What?

[Ellye] It's mid wife !

-Midhusband sounds weird.

I can hear everything

you're saying, so.

-Okay. Uh...

-What?!

-Do you want me

to send him away?

-Oh, my god.

Oh, I'm gonna k*ll you.

-No.

-Just let him in.

-Come right on in.

-Okay.

Mm, beautiful space.

-Thank you.

We were expecting a woman.

-Yeah.

-Why, you don't think a man

can do as good a job

as a woman? [laughs]

You know what?

Let's start over again.

Let's just get rid of all

of this negative energy, huh?

-[both] Okay.

-Come on. Come together.

-Mm-hm.

-Hands.

Hands Across America.

-[both laugh]

-Now, let's meet this baby.

What do you say? Okay?

-Yeah. Let's do it.

-Okay.

-Um, it's just

right over here, sir.

We've set everything up and...

-Okay.

-Hands.

-Looks just like

Hands Across America.

-Hi, there.

-Hello.

-This is my family.

-Oh, hello, family.

My name is Cheyenne.

I'm the midwife.

And, uh, yes, I am a man.

Good. Okay, we got that

out of the way.

Are you filming?

-[Howard] Yes. Is that okay?

-Absolutely, as long as

you send me a copy

for my TikTok. [laughs]

Okay, why don't you

take off your pants?

I mean, unless you'd

like us all to get naked

so you don't feel so exposed?

Right, family?

[Amy] Um, no.

-I have delivered

plenty of babies in the nude.

Usually in a tub,

but hey, I'm open.

-Okay.

-No, no, no.

-Dad! No.

-Howard.

[Ellye] Maybe just pants.

-Okay, just pants. Everyone?

-Oh, no. Um...

oh, sorry.

I just meant, um,

maybe just my pants.

-All right.

-[grunting]

[Amy] Are you okay?

-[Jimmy] Baby, baby, baby.

-Oh, god!

-And so it begins.

-Oh, it's a big one.

It's a really big one.

-[Howard] Yeah. Oh, yes.

-Wait, should I

take my pants off?

-Yes, take your pants off,

by all means.

-[Ellye] Okay. Okay.

-[Kevin] Oh.

-Okay, good. Now.

-[Linda] Over here.

-[Kevin] What's he rubbing?

-[growls]

Feel that? That's Reiki.

That's a transference

of energy through touch.

-Ooohhh!

-Okay? I want you

to take my energy in

and let it ooohhhhpen

your birth canal.

-Ohhhhhhh.

-Ohhh.

Open up the birth canal.

Rock your pelvis forward.

We want its little head to be

right at the entrance.

Stretch that vag*na out.

-Oh, no! It's too big.

I just don't know.

It feels way too big.

It's not gonna come out!

-Ellye.

That's such a beautiful name.

Okay. I want you to do

something for me, okay?

I want you to look

at your vag*na.

-No.

-Look at your vag*na right now.

Admire it. Take it in.

There we go. Good.

Now, I know it's kind of scary.

You're thinking

how does a human being

come out of this

teeny-weeny little hole?

But guess what?

That's what vaginas

were made for.

Am I right, Papa Bear?

-You are absolutely right.

-Get your butt down here.

-Yes.

-Okay.

You can look

at her vag*na too.

There you go. Yeah.

-Mm-hm.

-Does it look all right?

Does it look okay?

-It looks amazing, baby.

You have a very

beautiful vag*na.

-Oh, that's so sweet.

Now, the two of you made love.

And I can think of

no more pure connection

to the creative force

of the universe than that. Okay?

Now, I don't know if you believe

in a higher power or not,

but I truly believe that

there is no more holy organ

than the vag*na.

-Amen.

[Cheyenne]

So what I want you to do now

is thank your vag*na for the job

it's about to undertake.

-Go ahead, baby.

-Hi. Thank you. [groans]

-Thank you who?

-Oh, sorry.

Oh, thank you--

thank you, vag*na.

-At the top of your lungs!

-Thank you, vag*na!

-Yes.

-Agghh!

-You too, Pop Pops.

-[shouts] Thank you, vag*na!

That's too loud? Sorry.

[whispers] Thank you, vag*na.

-Oh.

-Oh, we're through it.

-[laughs]

-It worked.

-For now. For now.

Okay. Oh, um, have you been

massaging your perineum?

-Excuse me?

-Have you ever

run a marathon?

-I did a 5K.

-Hey, good job, sweetie.

-Thanks.

-Would you ever

consider doing that

without stretching first?

Believe me, you do not

want a tear down there.

-For once,

I agree with Granola.

[Cheyenne]

Oh, and before I forget,

do you have any plans

for the placenta?

-Meaning?

-Many people like to

keep a portion of it,

plus the umbilical cord

is a keepsake.

But there are health benefits

to ingesting it.

[Kevin] I have seen

bags of placenta crisps

at Whole Foods.

-Eat the placenta?

-The Chagga people

of Tanganyika

actually make a porridge

out of it

and feed the old women

of the family,

thus the circle of life.

[Cheyenne] Now I certainly

understand your squeamishness,

but it has been

clinically proven

to combat postpartum depression

and increase milk flow.

-See?

-After you have

birthed the placenta,

I will clean it, dry it out,

turn it into a powder,

which you can ingest

in capsule form

or sprinkle on a smoothie.

I have a recipe for

a placenta truffles

that is to die for. [chuckles]

-Are you seriously

going to let this Yeti

deliver your baby?

-Linda.

-You're not helping.

-He came highly recommended.

-Uh, speaking of which,

after the birth,

if you could leave me

a positive review

on Google and Yelp.

That way,

people can find me easier.

I mean, Craigslist is great,

but they don't really have

a reviewing system.

-I'm sorry.

You found our midwife

on Craigslist?

-Is that what he said?

-He said...

-Right.

-Craigslist.

-It was Google.

I thought Go--

-No. It was

definitely Craigslist.

-Don't you...

Thank you, Cheyenne.

-Jimmy?

-It looks like, Cheyenne,

you got this

all under control, right?

-[Linda] He's nuts.

-Baby, I gotta go.

I'm so sorry. Mwah.

I love you.

I love you so much.

-Are you...?

-I got to. Sorry.

-Is--is he leaving-leaving?

-[Ellye] Jimmy.

-Yeah.

[Kevin] He's not going anywhere.

-Jimmy, get back here

right now.

-Babe, I gotta go.

-[Kevin] Oh, my god. Yes.

-Jimmy.

[Linda] What's going on?

-You're really leaving me?

-Baby, I'm not leaving you.

I'm just leaving the house.

-Is this the kind of father

you're gonna be?

You're gonna go do the Oscars

when your kid

is in a soccer tournament

or the Cowardly Lion

in the school play?

-She'll never let go of it.

-It's our business.

Our name is on the card.

-Yeah.

-It's our reputation.

Please. You have to understand.

-[Ellye] Oh, my god.

Jimmy, you think because

you drive Kanye to Lakers games

that that makes you

a badass m*therf*cker?

-Baby ears.

-When I get my contracts back,

I could buy you out.

In fact, I will buy you out.

That's what I'll do.

And then I'll fire you,

and you can stay home

with the baby while I work.

How does that sound?

-It sounds like

your pregnancy hormones

are going crazy.

-No, I feel very clear actually.

-Look, I'll be right back.

It's not that.

I love you so much, all right?

-If you really loved me,

you would f*cking stay.

-Oh, my god, Bitsy.

Go easy on him.

The only reason why you're even

having contractions right now

is because you used a vibrator

to start them.

-Actually, a vibrator

can be very helpful

in relieving the pain

of contractions.

-Thank you, Cheyenne.

I'm sorry I came, Amy.

-Okay.

-There's a baby inside of me

that I would like to come out.

-This is why I didn't want

to talk about the adoption,

because she's just

incapable of functioning

if it's not about her.

I mean, God forbid,

it's about me for two seconds.

-Really?

-We didn't know anything

about the adoption. We--

-Yes, you didn't know

because you never asked me

about my problems

because we're always

just a part of the Bitsy Show.

-Oh, really, Amy?

When have you ever

been there for me? Really?

You left for college

when I was 12 years old.

Like and then when Mom met Gary,

she disappeared too,

so Bitsy Show, my a*s.

I invited you here to my home

because I-I-I wanted, I...

I hoped that this baby

would show you

that I've--I've matured.

-Yeah, it's really mature

getting pregnant by a guy

that you just met.

-Well, at least he sees me

for who I'm trying to be.

No. Don't f*cking touch me.

Just go, Jimmy. Go.

Go drive Guy Fieri or whatever.

-[Jimmy] Three hours.

-[door opens, closes]

-[whispers]

I freaking love Guy Fieri.

-Do you want to know

what my first addiction was?

-Okay.

-Diet pills.

Which is f*cking speed,

by the way.

Thank you, Mom,

for supplying those.

I wanted to be you so bad.

[laughs] It's crazy.

I used to go in your closet

and get your prom dress,

you know the one.

Oh God, it was so pretty.

It was cream and lace

and it had the slit up the side

and I put it on

but I couldn't get it zipped up.

I was chubby and ugly

and you were so perfect

and you were so beautiful

and smart.

And--and everybody

f*cking loved you

and all the guys

wanted to f*ck you.

-Jesus, Bitsy.

-Don't feel bad for me.

I'm really good now.

I'm good, Mom.

Actually, I'm great.

People can't get enough of me.

I--I'm on the cover of

f*cking magazines and--

and I have a house,

a beautiful house,

and--and a husband that f*cking

loves the sh*t out of me

and he loves my body

and he loves f*cking me.

And I have this baby coming.

And--and I have

a big-a*s bank account.

So I'm good.

I really am good.

But you...

this was your last chance

but you're f*cking toxic.

You are all toxic to me.

So if you want to leave,

you can go.

Just go.

Fine. That's fine. I'll go.

Jesus.

-Bits...

-[door open]

-My name is Ellye.

E-double L-Y-E.

[door closes]

[door opens, closes]

-We're not going to go

after her?

-She does this

to get attention.

-I mean, Linda's right.

She'll be back.

-That's our daughter

out there.

-Just...?

-Yeah. Yes.

[door opens]

[door closes]

[birds chirping]

[dog barking]

-Ellye! Ellye.

Ellye, come back.

We're all sorry.

-Hey, what's...?

Are you okay?

What's happened?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are you okay?

Come here. Come here.

-My angina.

-Really?

-I'm fine.

-All right.

-Gary! Slow down.

-Should we wait

so they can catch up?

Let's wait.

-No. No.

I just pretend

I can't hear her.

-Oh, that's genius.

-That man is deaf as a post.

-[panting]

-Ellye!

[dog barking]

-I'm sorry.

That's my little Chick.

Going a little blind, you know.

She gets scared easily.

-That's okay.

She's really cute.

-Yeah.

Well, are--are you okay?

-I'm okay.

Thank you for asking.

Oh. Oh, my... my water broke.

My water broke! Oh, my god.

-That's not water.

-What?

Oh, no.

-[Amy] You guys lost her?

[Kevin] Yeah. Yeah.

[Gary] She lost us.

Okay, hush. Hush.

-[Kevin] Very agile.

-[Ellye] Help!

-Where's that?

[Linda] Oh, there.

It's from there.

[Amy] Dad.

-Ellye?

-Oh, hi.

-Okay.

All right.

Let's take a look here.

Uh, ca--can we have

a little privacy, please?

-Oh.

Yeah, like, yeah, okay.

-Yeah, your water

definitely broke.

There's a little more blood

than I'd like.

-It's just bloody show.

-Someone call

an ambulance, please.

-Yeah, yeah.

I'm on it. I'm on it.

-Mom, I wanna go home.

-Oh, no, no, no, no.

We need to go to the hospital.

-[Ellye] No.

-[Cheyenne] Okay?

-Please don't take me there.

It's not part of the birth plan.

I don't wanna do that.

-Bleeding out is also

not part of the birth plan.

-You're gonna be fine, honey.

-Squeeze your legs together.

Make it really,

really, really tight.

[Kevin] Please, please.

[Cheyenne] Deep breaths.

Good news.

I've got a heartbeat.

-Let's carry her.

Let's carry her.

[Kevin] Okay, here we go.

-[Amy] Three.

-[Kevin] Together. Together.

Stop, stop.

[Ellye groaning]

[Gary] [into phone]

We're at the park.

Yes. Oh. No, I-I-I...

what street are we on?

-Call Jimmy, please.

-[Amy] Okay, I will. I will.

-Somebody call Jimmy.

-Ga--Gary, we're near

Watergate, I think.

-We're near Watergate.

-[Kevin] Yeah.

-No, no, no, no.

Not on Watergate.

Near Watergate.

-How are you doing?

-I don't know,

I'm not from around here. What?

-Are you doing okay?

Are you doing okay?

Are you taking your pills?

-Yes. Honey, I'm on the phone.

-I know you are but...

-Yes. We're in a park.

How's the--

ambulance gonna get here?

-Jimmy, thank god.

-Talk to me, Amy.

What's going on?

-Something's happened

with Ellye.

No, no. We have to

get her to the hospital.

-Mommy.

[Amy] [into phone]

Yeah. We're...

no, we need you to come.

-Here we go. Here we go.

-Put Ellye on the phone!

Put Ellye on the phone!

-Tell your driver to

turn on the sirens like

a g*dd*mn ice cream man

and when I hear it,

I'll know you're near.

-Hi. I have Jimmy.

I have Jimmy. Say hi.

It's gonna be okay.

-Baby, where are you?

[Jimmy] I'm coming.

Where are you?

-[into phone] Oh, yeah.

I'm, um... on the Greenbelt.

-All right, I'm coming. Hang on.

-He's coming.

-The guy's coming?

Did you say the guy's coming?

-He's coming.

[Cheyenne] Hey, hey,

stay with me here.

Stay with me.

-[Howard] Almost.

-[Cheyenne] Okay.

-All right, everybody else.

-That's it. It's here. Dad.

[Howard] Your carriage awaits,

my dear.

[Ellye] Oh.

-My mommy just had a baby.

She has a scar right here

where they cut it out.

-Okay.

-[Linda] It's all right.

That's not gonna happen.

-[Amy] Yeah.

-Okay.

[Howard]

Here we go. Here we go.

Okay. Here we go.

-Oh, god. [grunts]

[car engine revving]

-Okay, come on.

Here we go.

Here we go. Here we go.

[car brakes screeching]

[car door opens, closes]

[Ellye] Jimmy.

-Whoa, whoa.

Okay, okay.

Come on. Come on.

-Baby, what about Guy Fieri?

-Guy Fieri can wait.

Don't worry about it.

The worst thing

that'll happen to me is

I'll probably get banned

from Flavortown.

-Okay.

-Hey, get over.

-If you need,

I can--I can drive.

You know, I know this is very

important for your business,

but also Guy shouldn't

have to miss the Emmys.

-[Jimmy] I appreciate it.

-[Kevin] I have a blazer.

-[Amy] Now is not the time.

-[Jimmy] It's pretty sharp,

there's piping...please get--

-[car engine revving]

[Jimmy] Run, run, run, run.

[Ellye] Oh, baby.

-Got 'em.

I need you to admit her

right now.

-Our maternity ward

is completely booked.

[Jimmy] I don't give

a sh*t about that.

She's bleeding.

Please, please.

-And if she crashes--

-Just type something

on the computer.

Just type her name

and it's Ellye Ferguson.

Ellye Ferguson. Please.

-And if she crashes--

-Type the f*cking keyboard,

lady.

Please!

-If she crashes,

we will take her to the ER.

Are you in our system? If not--

-f*ck your system, lady!

Are you kidding me right now?

Are you--?

-Listen, I'll take care of it.

I'll take care of it.

[announcement on intercom]

[Vonda] Hi. I--

I don't mean to be rude...

-Then don't.

-Excuse me?

-You're excused.

-No one needs to see that.

-[Linda] f*ck you.

-There's a child here.

-[Linda] f*ck him too.

[Vonda scoffs]

-Well, it is how we got here.

[Linda] And this one

is for my husband.

-I told you I'm...

ugh, I'm fine.

I just forget to take my pills.

[door opens]

[male nurse] All right.

Thank you. Thank you.

-[Cheyenne] You can go.

-You're gonna be fine.

Baby, it's gonna be fine.

-You can't come

past this point.

-What? I'm her husband.

-Hospital policy.

ER's a sterile environment.

-Wherever she goes, I go.

I have catching rights.

And if you have a problem

with that,

well, then you can take it up

with the California

Midwife Association.

I'm gonna need that.

-Take care of her.

-Wait. You're just gonna

leave her there?

-We'll get her a room

as soon as we're able.

-When's a doctor

gonna be able to see her?

-As soon as they're able.

-What?

[cries]

[elevator pings]

[rapidly pushing

elevator button]

-Hold it. Aaah!

[elevator pings]

-Hey. We called

to schedule a tour.

-Last name Messina.

[Dr. Faraj] Well, it's a good

thing that this is hypothetical.

If she was allergic

to penicillin,

then we'd have a severe

allergic reaction on our hands.

Congratulations, Dr. Serrano.

She's--

-[clears throat]

Uh, hello.

I am with Administration,

and I just need a favor.

-I'm right

in the middle of something--

-I totally understand.

It's just that we got

so many complaints

about a*usive conditions

and long hours

and totally want to

nip this in the bud

before OSHA gets involved.

Right?

So, uh, if you don't mind,

I would love to just borrow

one of your med students.

-Residents.

-That's what I...

This one would be...

I'm sure she would have

some valuable insight.

-Just go.

-Yeah, perfect. Excellent.

-Okay.

-Thank you so much.

-[grunting]

-Exhale, exhale. Whoooh.

All the way out.

-Whoooooh!!

-There you go.

Just a contraction.

Okay, yeah, you're good.

Breathe out. Remember?

-[straining]

-All the way out.

Good. Good. Good.

Hey, hey. Ellye. Ellye.

Hey, you never told me,

how did you and Jimmy meet?

Hm?

-Oh. Oh, yeah.

We met at rehab.

He sat next to me

in the group session.

He always used to whisper

the meanest things about people.

[laughs] He made me laugh.

-And how long you been sober?

-About a year.

-Oh.

Well, congratulations.

-[Ellye] Thank you.

-Me, 17.

-Wow.

-[Cheyenne] Yeah.

And how often did you want to

use during this pregnancy?

-Every day.

-Hm. Every day.

And you didn't, did you?

-Nuh-uh.

-Because you're a fighter.

Listen, there may come a point

before the end of all this,

you feel like giving up,

but I'm gonna need you

to keep fighting.

The baby's gonna

need you to fight.

Jimmy is going to

need you to fight.

Can you do that for us?

-[sighs]

[door opens]

-[Jimmy whistles]

-I think I left my, uh,

oh, do you have my phone?

-I wish.

-Might have left it in the car.

-Okay.

-Um...

-Pregnancy brain.

-I'm so sorry.

We will be right back.

Thank you for everything.

-[elevator pings]

-Okay, here's the deal.

My wife is in labor right now,

but all the beds are taken

in this hospital.

She's bleeding a lot.

We really need a doctor.

-Oh. But I'm only a resident.

-You are so much more qualified

than all of us combined.

-Yes, please. We are...

we are good people. [chuckles]

-Okay.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

[elevator pings]

-I owe you a trip

to Flavortown.

-Oh, I hope

that's a double entendre.

-[laughs]

[male nurse] Sir.

-That's my wife.

Do you understand me?

That is my wife.

I made a vow,

through sickness and in health,

and this is the sick part.

If she dies... [sobbing]

If she dies... [cries]

-Come on back.

-Thank you.

-Come on back.

Let me offer you

some scrubs, sir.

-Well, um, there's two things

I think it could be.

-Okay.

-One is really bad.

Uh, I think what she's got

is placenta previa,

which basically means

that the placenta

is blocking the cervix,

and we need to do a cesarean

and get the baby out right away.

-[Ellye] No.

-Baby.

-[Ellye] No!

-Baby. Okay.

Well, what's the good thing

it could be?

-That was the good thing.

-I don't want it.

I don't want it.

-I love you so much.

I love you so much.

What are we waiting for?

Please. Please.

-[phone button beeps]

-[phone ringing]

-Here goes my letter

of recommendation.

Yeah. We have a code pink

in the ER.

[door opening]

-I wanna see.

-It's happening.

It's happening.

-I love you.

-We need you to wait outside.

-No!

-We have to put you under.

You won't even know

they're missing.

-No, you can't.

I have to be awake.

-There is no time

for an epidural.

We need to get this baby

out now.

-I love you.

-I need to talk to you.

Really quickly.

I love you.

-No, no. What's that?

Tell me what that is.

-That's the nine-pointed star.

It's a religious symbol

of the Baha'i.

-Okay. What's Baha'i?

-I'll explain later,

after the baby's born.

-Will you say a prayer for me?

-Listen to me.

Will you save my wife? Please.

-The doctors will do

everything they can

for both of them.

-Okay.

[breathing deeply]

[crying]

[heart monitor beeping]

[Cheyenne] [VO] Thy name

is my healing, O my God,

and remembrance of Thee

is my remedy.

Nearness to Thee is my hope,

and love for Thee

is my companion.

Thy mercy to me

is my healing and my succor

in both this world

and the world to come.

Thou verily art

the all-bountiful,

the all-knowing,

the all-wise.

-I hope that sh*t works.

-Well, maybe don't

refer to it as sh*t.

-[Jimmy scoffs]

I didn't grow up religious.

I actually didn't find God

until I first laid eyes on Ellye

when she walked into

the rehab facility.

-[laughs]

-I thought to myself,

"Dear God, please, please,

I will clean up my entire act,

my whole life,

if you just make it

so I can get with her."

-That is a beautiful prayer.

-[chuckles]

[door opens]

-It's a boy.

[both laugh]

[phone message beeps]

-Oh. I got a Lil' Jordan.

-I'll go tell the family.

-What about my wife?

-They're still with her.

-Wait, wait.

What does that mean?

-May I have your attention?

Lil' Jordan Ferguson

was born at 3:49 p.m.

[all chuckling]

And with that,

my work is done.

-Well, who's Big Jordan?

-What about my daughter?

-Let me... let me check.

[door closes]

-Baby's doing fine.

-Ah, thank God.

-We need to monitor him

in the NICU.

-What about my wife?

-And we couldn't

stop the bleeding.

Oh no, no, no.

We had to perform

a hysterectomy,

but she's going to be fine.

[both cheer and laugh]

-Maybe, uh, next time,

just lead with

"She's going to be fine."

-If you ever need

a limo ride, I got you.

Come here!

-[both laugh]

[heart monitor beeping]

-Drama queen.

-Oh, hi.

Hi.

-You're a mom.

-Amy. [cries]

-Honey, what?

-[sobs] I just...

all I wanted

was a natural birth

and-- and I wasn't

even awake for it.

-Oh, honey, f*ck natural.

You know what's not natural?

My crown.

Do you think I'd ask for

a "natural" root canal?

-They cut me open.

-[Amy] I know.

-And I... I can't have

any more babies.

-Well, you have a baby.

And that baby has the bravest

mom that I have ever known.

-[Amy] Really?

-Yeah.

-Maybe our bodies

just aren't meant

to have babies, you know?

-That's right.

Blame it on me.

-[chuckles]

-Hey, Mommy.

-Sweetheart.

-Well, I asked the vet

to put him down but he refused.

-Dad?

-[Gary] Hey.

-What happened to you?

-I-I told them

not to make a fuss,

but what are you gonna do?

Doctors.

-Yeah.

-Hey, what's all this?

-Ugh.

-Oh, wow.

-Compliments of Guy Fieri,

actually.

-Oh wow.

-Yes.

-Flavortown.

I'm taking them as souvenirs.

-[Ellye laughs]

-Oh, I know.

-Did you ever think

our babies

would be having babies?

-Yeah. I kinda thought

we'd have scared them off it.

-I think we did okay.

-[Linda chuckles]

-Hey. [chuckling]

-Oh, my...

-Do you want to meet our baby?

-Yes.

Hi, baby. Come here.

Come to Mommy.

Hi, baby.

-[Lil' Jordan cries]

-Yes. Okay, baby.

It's okay.

-Hey.

-Come on. Let's take a picture.

-[Lil' Jordan coos]

-[camera shutter clicks]

-[Ellye cries]

He's perfect.

-Mom and Dad,

we need you to wear these

to prove you belong to

this precious little boy.

-Yeah.

-Hi. Do you like those?

Do you like that? Ssshhh.

-It's okay, buddy.

-[Lil' Jordan cries]

[Ellye] Thank you.

You're so perfect.

Lil' Jordan?

-What?

-What the f*ck!

[Jimmy] Baby ears.

["Baby (Do You Wanna Be Mine)"

by Red Stags playing]

[music fades out]