01x05 - Chapter Five: The Weekly Watcher

[bunniefuu]

[ominous music playing]

[Knight Rider theme playing on TV]

Hey, what is going on here?

TV?

Yes, I can see that.

But why is everyone here
on our movie night?

- Sorry we're late.
- Hey, Chief.

Great. There's more of you.

You guys are right on time.
The theme song just started.

What's with the theatrics?

Hopper can't find Nikki.

- Nikki's here?
- [shushing]

Hey, Hopper. Did you bring me dinner?

I brought me dinner.

- And don't you have school tomorrow?
- [object clatters]

Hey, what was that?

I… I didn't hear anything.

Who else is here?

Whoa, you might… might wanna open
a window. You know what I'm saying?

Harrington? [coughing]

- Sorry.
- What are you doing here?

I was just, uh, dropping…

…the kids off at the pool. Get it?

They wanted to watch
their favorite show with El, Night Guy.

Knight Rider.

- Knight Rider. Knight Rider. I knew that.
- Hmm.

Right.

[Dustin mimicking Knight Rider theme]

- Don't you have friends your own age?
- He doesn't.

[floorboard creaking]

[Nikki grunts]

Huh?

Good, solid… craftsmanship.

[sneezes]

[Max clears throat]

What? No "bless you"?

[Nikki grunting]

Way past my bedtime. Time to go.

Great idea.

All kids but El get out of my house.

Everyone out now.

I will walk them out.

[Hopper] And remember,
Sundays are for snacks and Snake Plissken.

You guys can have your TV time tomorrow.

[kids all chattering]

[Mike] So, Dustin, what happened?

We trapped it in the furnace. Then boom!

Blaaah!

Incinerated.

And those spore things?

All of it incinerated.

It's finally over.

[Mike] It would've been really over
if Hopper had seen Nikki.

What were you thinking?
She shouldn't be here with us.

She almost ruined everything.

[Max] Yeah, that was pretty close.

She's not the one who went running
to Hopper to spill the beans.

Hey, cool it.

My babysitting shift is over.

I've lost my date, my car,
and nearly my life.

Henderson.

Don't do anything you wouldn't do.

Yes, or anything you would do.

Just go home, okay?

Hey, Nikki. Crisis averted.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.

She probably got cold and took off.

Listen up, guys.
We got to talk about Dustin's Polaroid.

Wait. You mean the one
Lucas ripped out of my hand?

Um, yeah. About that…

Here.

That's what I'm talking about.

Now, don't tell anyone
where you got that, okay?

So we good?

[sinister laugh]

We are really good.

[synth theme music playing]

[theme music fades out]

[upbeat music playing]

Can't believe you lost the photo.

I didn't do it on purpose.

You guys need to stop arguing about this.
We'll figure it out later-

- Hey!
- Hey, man, watch where you're--

Man, what's up with Charlie?
He looks like he's about to puke.

I'm just gonna say it.

Charlie ate Jeff Nelson.

- [all groaning]
- What the…? That's so gross.

Jeff is still AWOL.

We're all thinking it.
I'm just saying it out loud.

Come on, Dustin.
Jeff skips school, like, all the time.

Speaking of school,
I didn't see Nikki after class.

- Where is she?
- Should we go find her?

Bigger fish, my friend.

I've called all you here today

because while I was off
kicking interdimensional butt,

Lucas lost the photo of El
and a Mulligan creature…

Here we go.

…and it landed in the hands of Keith.

It was an accident.

An accident is
spilling a Coke on your English homework.

This was gross criminal negligence.

The only thing gross here is your breath.

Guys! Enough!
Right now, we need to figure out a way

to get that picture back
before someone sees it's real.

If Keith shows it to the wrong person,
and they recognize El's tattoo,

she'll be in real trouble,
government trouble.

That's why I have a plan
on how to recover the photo.

Here's an actual plan
on how best to recover the photo.

That's not a plan.
That's a bunch of doodles on a napkin.

- Better than showing up with nothing.
- [Keith] See you tomorrow.

- You're so annoying.
- I know you are, but what am I?

Hey, while you two are bellyaching,
Keith's leaving.

[exciting music playing]

After him!

Out of my way.

[Dustin] It's my picture.

Yeah, and I'm getting it back.

What the…?

Keith, get back here.

Forget it, Dig Dug girl.

You and your boyfriend's cash offer
for the photo has expired.

Better luck next time, losers.

[Dustin] Get back here, Keith!

[horn honking]

Ah!

[laughs] I'm alive.

[laughs] See if you can handle 10th gear.

[horn honking]

[Max] Whoa!

Oh crap!

[laughing] Ate it!

Dang it.

- [bicycle bell ringing]
- Huh?

[gasping]

Hey!

Mike, I think I can stop him.

Do it.

What?

[Dustin] I'm getting it back.

- You're gonna mess things up.
- Lucas! Dustin!

- [Mike] Guys!
- [Eleven] Watch it!

Hey! Watch out!

[all groaning]

[Lucas] My appendix.

[Keith laughing] Oh, yeah!

Give it up, Sinclair. It's game over.

[Lucas] Come on, man.
We just want our photo back.

That photo was mine, fair and square.

I-- Wait. What do you mean "was"?

I mean The Weekly Watcher
coughed up big bucks for that photo.

Those tabloid suckers
will believe anything.

So long, nerds!

What?

This is bad.

The Weekly Watcher is
Hawkins's number one trash magazine.

Everyone and their mother reads these
at the checkout line.

The pictures are wild. Fake, but wild.
Snake Boy is my favorite.


from The Weekly Watcher.

That explains a lot.

How are we supposed
to get the picture back from this place?

Everything has a weak point.
We just need to figure out where.

That photo of El and those creatures
can't get out, or it's game over.

Sounds like a recon mission to me.

And I approve of this mission.

- Let's do it.
- Let's do it.

It's settled.

We'll split up, gather some intel,
and meet back at my place.

We are getting that picture back.

I'm here. I'm here.
Grabbed these on the way.

Nice. I love Cheetos.

Really, Dustin?
You took the time to stop for snacks?

Hey, my blood sugar gets low
when I'm on assignment.

Well, now that we've made sure
Dustin doesn't pass out,

what did we learn, guys?

That it's gonna be tricky,

but I managed to see where
all eyes are planted in the building.

[Dustin mimicking action movie soundtrack]

There are cameras all over the facility

and a security guard
watching the monitors 24/7.

Hm.

[continues mimicking action music]

Okay, security's an issue.
Max, entry and exit points?

Who says you can't ride a skateboard
in the winter?

I spotted three main weak points.

One is the main entrance.

Two is the fire escape door
at the side of the building.

Third is the rooftop access door,

technically connected
to the fire escape exit door at the side.

So, let's make it two and a half.

Will?

Okay, best view of the action
is this billboard.

It's, uh, pretty high.

I was able to get a clear view
into the offices using Lucas's binoculars.

The Weekly Watcher occupies
one whole floor

on the second story of the building.

I saw some boss man open a Trapper Keeper
and pull out a Polaroid.

Like a school Trapper Keeper?

Yep. He put the folder
in his top-right desk drawer.

It had a Palace Arcade sticker
and everything.

[all] Keith!

So that's our target!

Wait, where the heck is Lucas?
He was on intel--

[laughing] And intel you will get.

What? Every good private eye knows

you learn the most about people
by going through their garbage.

And this is from The Weekly Watcher.

- Really, Lucas?
- What did you find?

Garbage.

And this key card.

Great, except it's broken, doofus.

It still works. I mean, probably.

Lucas, Dustin, please.

El and I will keep an eye on everything
from across the street.

We're gonna need a believable distraction
to get past the security guard.

Max is right.
Without that, everything else is a no-go.

Guys, I know this looks hard,
but that's why we have to work together.

Dustin, part of this mess is my fault.
I should have never quit the H.I.C.

We can get mad at each other,
but we never let it break up the party.

Not ever.

We may have lost the photo
of El using her powers,

but if we stick together,

we can get it back
before it becomes front-page news.

You lost a photo of El using her powers?

No! He said he lost a photo
of El losing her flowers.

I mean…

Mike?

Okay!

Here's the truth.

Keith sold a picture of El,
taken months ago--

- And that makes it better?
- No.

But we're trying to make it right.

We could really use some help.

I could use help.

[sighs]

Okay, then. How do we fix this mess?

By you giving the greatest performance
of your life.

[door clattering open]

You!

I need to speak to someone immediately.

My boyfriend is an alien.

Uh, excuse me, do you have an appointment?

People need to know the truth!

Take me to your leader!

- My leader?
- Or… editor!

Uh…

- She is really good.
- Mm-hmm.

Operation Trap That Keeper is a go.

The orange stuff it leaves on your fingers
is the best part.

I saw his bulbous head and huge eyes!
I was led to this big mountain!

There were blinding lights in the sky
and weird electric keyboard music!

He was trying to communicate!

Jeez. Ma'am, this kind of sounds like
the plot to--

- He wants to take me to prom in his UFO!
- Ma'am…

- Then make me his space queen!
- I'm gonna need you to step down.

What would people say? What would I wear?

- You're looking at me like I'm crazy.
- No.

- Do you think I'm crazy?
- Get down from there.

I can tell when people lie
by looking into their eyes.

I do not think you are crazy.

- Look at me! In the eyes!
- Okay.

Come on!

- Please let go of my head!
- Just keep looking!

Let go of my head!

[Mike] We're in!

Yes!

Take cover!

[Lucas grunting]

Dustin, coast is clear. You're up.

Ma'am, please,
if you could just settle down,

we'll get this all sorted out, okay?

Settle down?

Cameras are blind.

- Okay, Nancy, time for a curtain call.
- Copy.

Let me just get you some water, okay?
Here we go.

No! We mustn't drink the water!

They use it to make us sl*ves!

- They are space hooligans!
- Okay.

They're everywhere! Run!

Well, that was embarrassing.

Activate phase three.
Get the editor out of his office.

Cue Eleven!

Confirmed. Hold for window.

Today's proofs, Cosmo.

Oh. "Snake Boy returns to Hawkins."

I… I wrote the Snake Boy story.

And we have done it to death!

Ghosts, Bigfoot, serpents in the sewer!

Our readers may be gullible idiots,

but they ain't gonna
fork over the big bucks

for the same old headlines.

Now, I just bought a photo
that's leagues above all this bunk.

I mean, even I can't tell
if it's real or not. [chuckling]

Now, let's prep the cover
and blow some minds!

Come on! Chop, chop!

Cosmo, baby,
you are about to go nationwide.

[chuckling contentedly]

[UFO whirring]

What the heck?

Is this some kind of joke?

- [man] Hey, Cosmo, before you leave…
- Yeah, yeah, give me a minute.

Mm.

All right, what'd I miss?

The orange is the best part. Look!

Editor's office is clear.

Max, Lucas, you're up.

Copy.

[music playing on headphones]

Dustin, we gotta go dark.

Any luck finding the main power cable?

Nada. Still looking.

"Sewer serpent"?
Man, this magazine is ridiculous.

Ugh, it's locked.

I got it.

[both gasping]

Oh no.

[Lucas] The photo's not here.

Nobody panic.

At the school paper,
if the editor already approved the photo,

it goes to one of two places,
in layout or with the typesetter.

I'm in a cubicle
that says "typeset department,"

but I don't see the photo anywhere. Over.

Then it's gotta be with the layout.

Can anybody see a cubicle
with a drafting table in it?

We found layout.
And I can see the Trapper Keeper folder.

This is it, guys.
Dustin, any luck on the power?

Found it.

But it's gonna be tough.

The power line is as thick as Lucas' head.

[Lucas] It's thick because it's full
of brains that you don't have.

Okay, just like we planned.

Max, we need that stairwell exit door
propped open.

As soon as Lucas grabs the folder,
Dustin, hit the lights,

and we all get into that exit.

Nancy, Will, El, we'll meet you
at the side fire escape exit in five.

Copy.

Yes!

He's got it.

- All right!
- Yeah!

Hey, Ralph, did you see this thing
roll all the way over here by itself?

[scoffs] Yeah. Wouldn't be
the strangest thing I've seen in Hawkins.

Huh?

What in the…

Let's go.

Oh no! The editor's back!

Dustin, go dark! Now!

[Dustin] Ow!

Ow again!

Oh no!

[Lucas] No, no, no, no, no, no! sh**t!

Hey, you!

Hey, kid, what are you doing
with my photo?

Um, well, I can explain.

You're in big trouble, kid.

El, it's Lucas!

[Ralph] What?

[Cosmo] Get back here!

You go that way!

Stop right there!

Sir, he's over here!

We're compromised! Save yourselves!

It's over, kid.

Now hand me back that folder,
and I won't call the cops.

Easy, kid. Easy.

[grunting]

[dramatic music playing]

Mike, look!

What's this crazy wind?

It must be the storm!

Hey!

[dramatic music intensifies]

No!

- [objects clatter]
- [music dies out]

Hey, thanks for the assist.

Of course.

Just because I was mad doesn't mean
I don't always have your back.

Sorry I called your club stupid.
It's actually pretty awesome.

It's our club,
and your membership is still valid.

Come on, let's get out of here.

[exciting music playing]

Come on! Come on! Let's go!

[horn honking]

You lost the Trapper Keeper?

Lucas really tried, Mike.

Yeah, and besides,
who needs the Trapper Keeper

when you got the photo?
[mimicking triumphant music]

Yes!

Yes! Yes!

- Yes!
- We did it!

Here. This belongs with you, man.

Thanks.

And I know just what to do with it.

Good riddance.

[Nancy] By the way, you guys are all
banned from taking pictures ever again.

[all laughing]

[dark music playing]

[haunting grunts]

[loud chewing]

[screeching]

[synth theme music playing]