01x05 - Pickled Onion

[bunniefuu]

It's 8 weeks since Joe Connolly
set foot in O'Malley Secondary.

He has learned several
vital rules for survival.

Never fall asleep in class
no matter who you're next to.

If someone pats you on the back,
it's not a good thing.

And most importantly, never,
under any circumstances--

Ow! What the..?

Do anything to make yourself
a target of mickey-taking.

Hey guys!

Steve Malek's browned his pants!

It's mud!

When Joe sees a fellow human
enduring such a trial,

one thought
always comes to mind.

Glad that's not me.



Every day at school is riddled
with social bear traps

to be avoided,
on some days, more than most.

Then the robot vampire tigers
came down from the planet Beldar

a-a-and they stole
all of Earth's fidget spinners!

Today is Halloween.

Thanks, Aaron. Very imaginative
and longer than expected.

Siobhan, you're next.
More Halloweeny

and less vampire space battles
ideally, but whatever.

Siobhan Murphy.
Deadpan and droll.

She has no emotions
and is scared of nothing.

Joe has spoken to her
exactly zero times.

This is the story
of little Lara Longmore.

It was Thursday evening,
and like many before it,

Lara and her mum
took a trip to the supermarket.

But on this fateful Thursday,
Lara wandered off,

enticed by the promise of crisps

and her favourite flavour...
pickled onion.

That was the last
anyone saw of her.

The next day, all they found

were 13 empty packets
of pickled onion crisps.

They say her soul still
haunts Aisle 6 to this day.

And if you say 'pickled onion'
four times, she will rise again.

She will look deep into
your soul and she will say--

BOO!

In 0.7 seconds, Joe will scream.

A moment so humiliating,
it will never leave him.

And graduating
first in his class

with the highest-ever
recorded GCSEs

is... Joe Connolly!

Joe is also known for screaming

in Mr Turner's English class.
Hilarious!

Haunting Joe forever,
shattering his hopes and dreams.

We are pleased to announce

that we've fired Joe Connolly.
Space is no place

for a boy who screamed
in his Year 7 English class.

No matter what Joe did,
he'd never shake that scream.

The people trapped in this
skyscraper are surely doomed.

But wait, what's this?

Thank you, sir!
You saved us all!

How can we ever--
Wait, aren't you the kid

who screamed in Year 7?

Go on! Do the scream!

No matter what he does, it'll be
this for which he is remembered.

Thankfully,
Steve Malek screamed first.

That is priceless!

Steve Malek
has saved Joe's life.

But this is survival
of the fittest.

Oh! I've got one!
Nice scream, Steve.

Well, thank you, Siobhan.
Spooky stuff!

I hadn't finished.
She eats her own--

Hey! Okay, another time.

Eh, now, I believe you had
something else to say?

Yeah. I'm having
a Halloween party tonight.

We're all in the same class,
so you're all invited.

Yes!

I don't think this is
for you, Steve. It'll be scary.

You'll know my house
when you see it. That's all.

Joe Connolly
has just been invited

to Siobhan's Halloween party.

I can't believe
she invited us specifically!

She DIDN'T invite us
specifically.

Well, we are specifically
in that class

so, yes, she specifically did.

That pickled onion story
was rubbish.

I had to bite my tongue
not to laugh.

I thought it was weird too!

Joe Connolly knows
how lucky he has been.

Yeah, me too.


just like Steve Malek.

He won't drop his guard again.

- Oh, it's you three.
- Specifically!

Nice!

Shh.

What's going on over there?

The tale of
Lara Longmore RETURNS!

Joe could think of 38 things
he'd rather do than listen to--

- Nice!
- Did we miss much?

It was a hot day when
Nancy and her friends

went to the supermarket
for snacks.

Joe Connolly is okay.

Luca went in search of crisps.
His preference...

- As long as she doesn't say--
- PICKLED ONION!

He was seen leaving Aisle 5
but never made it to Aisle 7.

Caleb went to the juice aisle
to find Luca when he saw

something on the floor.
He sniffed. Is that--

- He ignores that she just said--
- Pickled onion?

Mila went looking for Caleb,
who had gone looking for Luca,

but he was nowhere to be seen.

All that was left was the
familiar smell of PICKLED ONION!

And that just left
Nancy all alone.

She called to her friends
but there was no reply.

That's when she saw her:

Little. Lara. Longmore.

She holds a crisp up to Nancy.

And with a voice like death,
she croaked the words:

Pickled oniooo--

Um...

- Were you frightened just then?
- Joe Connolly WAS frightened.

No! Definitely not.

- You were. You were frightened.
- I was NOT frightened.

He WAS frightened but all he had
to do was keep denying it and--

Say it then. Say it FOUR times!

Ooh!

Joe is terrified of the story

but even more terrified
of being Steve Malek.

- Go on, Joe! Just say it.
- Say it, Joe.

- Say it! Say it!
- He has to say it.

But to speak means releasing
the ghost of Lara and THAT he--

Pickled onion! Pickled onion!
Pickled onion!

Pickled onion!

Fair play. Get us some crisps
in the kitchen?

Pickled onion if you like.

Crisps? Okay!

Frisbo?

Pete?

Game over.

Little Lara?

BOO!

In 0.7 seconds,
Joe Connolly will scream.

This is the end for him.

Ha-ha, Dodo!

"Little Lara!"

[ "Little Lara!"

It has been 6 minutes since
Joe's life officially ended.

The moment has already been
re-enacted 9 times.

He now has 17 minutes
before his dad picks him up.

There you are.
You alright, mate?

- What's going on?
- Joe knows he cannot say.

- I'm going home.
- Why?

- He'd never reveal the tru--
- Because I was scared!

And everyone knows.
And everyone laughed.

And my life is over.

So... I'm going home.

Hang on. Come here a sec.

- Going home.
- Shh!

- Who's that?
- Shh!

- Where did everyone--
- Boo!

And then it occurs to him,
the world hasn't ended.

- That WAS pretty funny!
- And everything is okay.

- The party.
- Alright, Joe!

- Siobhan.
- Hey, Joe.

And now with his fear
of mickey-taking behind him,

he even has
the courage to talk--

Oh! Sorry.