01x06 - The Road Trip

[bunniefuu]

["TOO LATE" PLAYING]

[PATRONS CHATTERING, LAUGHING]

[FRIENDS CHEERING, CHATTERING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING FADES OUT]

[CHRISTINE] Any day now.

[LISA] Any day now what?

Till someone proposes.

[FRIEND, MUFFLED] Earth to Leese.

- [NORMAL] Earth to Leese.

- Sorry. What was that? [CHUCKLES]

We were just saying you're

the next one down the aisle.

- Oh, no. I don't know about that.

- If you don't want Veggie, I'll have him.

Well, you're basically married

anyway. What's stopping you?

Nothing. It's just not the right time.

Plus, Veggie would probably want to get

down to his ideal tuxedo weight, so

- [CHUCKLES] It's just Lisa being Lisa.

- Ah.

You know what she's like. Has to make

everything so complicated. [CHUCKLES]

Ooh, did I tell you

I saw Penny from uni?

- Mmm.

- [FRIEND 2] Spill.

- [FRIEND 3] Nose job, fillers, one boob.

- [FRIEND 2] Shut up.

- Oi! Lisa Osgood, where are you going?

- Just the loo.

Okay. Well, hurry back,

'cause it's your round next.

Okay.

[FRIENDS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[SIGHS]

Hi. Hi. I'm Lisa Vedge.

I am [CLICKS TONGUE] I'm Mrs. Vedge.

[PATRON IN CUBICLE 1 LAUGHS]

- Vedge. Mrs. Vedge.

- [PATRON 1] Get out while you can!

[PATRON 2] Don't listen to her, Lisa

Vedge! We're all rooting for you!

[PATRON 1] If taking his name makes

you sound that unhappy, love

- Oh. I I Yeah.

- I'd get out now.

- [PATRON 2] Hey

- Uh, sorry. Yeah.

[PATRONS CHEERING, SHOUTING]

Hi.

- [BARTENDER] Yeah?

- Hiya. Can I get ten tequilas please?

Do you want a tray?

No. I'll just do 'em all here.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

[RINGING CONTINUES]

- Hello?

- I don't feel good.

Lisa? Where are you

calling from? Where are you?

London. Somewhere.

- Okay, that's a good start.

- Oh, yeah. I'm on a street phone.

A street phone?

Like when the phone is in

its own little greenhouse.

A pay phone? Why are you

calling me from a pay phone?

Exactly.

Not exact Okay, I'll

repeat the question.

Why are you calling me from a pay phone?

I lost my phone.

And the worst part about it is, I

just don't even know where I lost it.

Wait. But you remembered my number?

Yeah, obviously, Danny.

- [INHALES DEEPLY]

- Danny!

- Yes. Talk to me. What's going on?

- Okay.

So, you know it was my

mate Gemma's hen night?

- Sure.

- I might have had just

a little bit drink Drank too much.

- And then

- [GRUNTS, EXHALES SHARPLY]

I might have just

passed out for a little bit.

But when I woke up, they

all must have thought

that I went home, because

they all just left without me.

- Have you called Veggie?

- Yeah.

But Veggie I mean, nothing

wakes him up when he's asleep.

- [CELL PHONE RINGING]

- [SNORING]

Look, focus for me please.

Where exactly are you now?

Okay, I'm being honest,

right? Here's the thing.

I just don't know.

Okay, okay. That's fine. Don't

worry. Let's narrow it down.

- Where was the club?

- Mmm. Yeah.

- It was in Hoxton.

- [DANNY] All right.

- How long have you been walking for?

- Between 20 minutes

and an hour and a half.

Okay. Have a little look around.

Any street signs near you?

Can you just, like, hold a second?

Lisa?

Lisa?

Danny, what was I doing again?

- Okay, look. This is how we're doing this.

- Okay.

I don't care if you have to

steal it from a pensioner.

You're gonna get yourself

a phone, drop me a pin.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

- What's a pin?

- [CLICKS TONGUE] It's where you are.

[SIGHS]

- I don't see it.

- [DANNY] No, no, no, no, no.

You're not meant to

s [INHALES SHARPLY]

Just find me a phone and send

me a text with your location.

- Okay. Yes.

- [DANNY] Yeah.

Um, what sh Uh, what

do you want me to say?

The message isn't the That's

not [INHALES SHARPLY] No, no, no.

Okay, just [STAMMERS] Send me

a [STAMMERS] little text,

- "Hello, Danny." Put that in it, okay?

- Well, okay.

Look, I just wanna help you get home.

So can you please do

this one thing for me?

[LISA] Yes Maybe.

- Great.

- Probably.

That'll do. Okay.

Call me back from this

phone in half an hour

if you can't find another, okay?

- If I can't find another what?

- [LINE BEEPING]

Lisa, you need to put

money in that street phone.

- No

- [LINE DISCONNECTS]

- [AUTOMATED VOICE] To call back, press 1.

- [CLICKS TONGUE] Oh.

[PHONE LINE BEEPING]

[SIGHS]

[DANNY] Come on, Lisa.

[TIMER BEEPING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

- Hi!

- [DANNY] Oh, hey.

Finally got You got a phone?

- I did. This is Al's phone.

- [AL] Am I on TikTok?

No, you're not. It's just just me.

I'm in Al's shop. Al has got

a phone and he's got a shop.

Can you believe that?

- [AL] I've had this shop since 1996.

- [LISA] What?

- He's had this shop since 1996.

- Yes, I heard that bit. Uh, where are you?

I told you, I'm in Al's shop.

- Of course, Al's.

- [LISA CHUCKLING]

I'll just look for that on the map.

Would you believe it? It is not there.

- That's weird.

- It is quite weird.

Yeah. Look, please. Which

part of London are you in?

- [CHUCKLING] Al [CHUCKLING]

- Yes?

Sorry, where are we? [CHUCKLES]

[AL] This is Well Street, Hackney, dear.

- [LISA] Oh. That's good.

- Okay. Bear with

Yeah. Okay, you're on

your way home, kind of.

- Am I? That is good news.

- [DANNY] Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Huh

- Okay. You can get a bus home from there.

- Right.

It's like I was supposed

to come to Hackney

so that this moment could happen.

- Do you know what I mean, Danny?

- Sure.

Okay, so two buses home from there.

- First one being the 253.

- Oh, 253.

Yeah. And the second being the 91.

Ninety-one. Okay.

- 253. Ninety-one. 253. Ninety

- What are you doing?

I'm singing numbers.

[WHISPERS] Numbers are actually

quite weird, aren't they?

Put Al on now, please.

- Put him on.

- [AL] Uh, hello.

Hello. Um, sorry to bother

you, but I don't suppose

you could help my friend

there get on the 253 bus?

Yeah. The 253 bus actually

stops right outside my shop.

- I'll escort her onto it personally.

- Ah, thank God.

Thank you so much. You're a star.

Right. Lisa, all is good. Al is

gonna make sure you get on that bus.

- Who's Al?

- Who's Al?

- Are you on a [STAMMERS]

- [LINE DISCONNECTS]

Gone. [STAMMERS]

- [PEOPLE ON TV CHEERING]

- [COMMENTATOR SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

- Hello.

- [INHALES SHARPLY] Hi.

- That doesn't look like home.

- No.

- Bit of a mix-up on the old bus front.

- You got on the wrong bus?

No. I got on the right

bus in the wrong direction.

Okay. Well, that's easy to do.

- Where are you now?

- [BLOWS] Where am I again?

Bermondsey.

- Bermondsey?

- Jamaica Road.

Okay. Where in Jamaica Road?

- In a launderette.

- What's the name of the launderette?

- Launderette.

- It's Launderette.

- [DANNY] Is it?

- [LISA] Yeah.

Oh, this is Lena.

She is a lifesaver.

She lent me her phone.

Hi. Hi, Lena. Uh, thanks

for looking after her.

Oh, don't worry, sweetheart.

She brightens up this place.

- All right.

- Thanks, Lena.

- I'm gonna book you a cab.

- [LISA] Oh, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. You

can't yet. You can't yet.

You see, there's a dryer, and we are

trying to work out what's inside it.

And I think it's a giant man-pillow.

Lena thinks it's a big bunch

of bras. We've put money on it.

- How much?

- 150 quid.

[GASPS] Lisa, no. I think Lena's

trying to take advantage of you.

- What? No. Of course she isn't.

- [DANNY] Yeah.

- You need to leave immediately.

- [LISA] No, I can't leave.

What if I'm right?

I am starving though. Maybe

there's a kebab house nearby.

How can you be starving?

You've done nothing but fill your

mouth full of cookies all night.

[LISA] I know, right?

Pippa brought them to the hen party.

And I don't know, I must've

just stashed them in my bag

before I passed out.

Pippa brought cookies to the hen party?

- Yeah.

- Don't panic. They're cannabis cookies.

[CHUCKLING] No, they're not.

Lisa. Who brings a tin of

biscuits to a hen night?

Pippa just really likes to bake. I

just don't think you really know her.

[CHUCKLES, SIGHS]

Oh, my God.

Danny, do you think they're Do

you think the biscuits got me stoned?

Yes. What are you doing?

Stop eating the biscuits.

Well, I'm sorry. They're

just very moreish.

- How many do you think you've had?

- Five or six?

- [DANNY] Five or six?

- Maybe seven.

- Okay, so eight then.

- [LISA] I think it's probably about ten.

[DRYER BEEPS]

[GASPS] Lena. Lena, it's stopping.

[BREATHING HEAVILY] What is it?

[LENA] I think it's a

puppet. It's got a beak.

[DANNY] Who washes a puppet

at two o' clock in the morning?

Oh, my God. You're so right.

And what are they doing with it?

At that time? That's just

really creepy, isn't it?

Shall I hang around and

see who it belongs to?

Definitely not. No, you need to

go home. Just wait there until I

- [DOOR CHIMES]

- Oh.

- [DANNY] Lisa. What? What's happening?

- [LISA] Just a sec.

[GRUNTS]

[DOOR CHIMES]

[LISA INHALES DEEPLY, GRUNTS]

[PUPPET] Get me out of here

- [LISA GRUNTS, GASPS]

- it's boiling.

No. No. [YELLS]

- Oh.

- [ZIPPER CLOSES]

[PUPPET] Oh, this bag is stunning.

- [DANNY] Lisa?

- [DOOR CHIMES]

Leese?

- Time for a cab?

- [LISA] I don't think I can.

[DOOR CHIMES]

- Lena Zurawski?

- [POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]

I'm arresting you on suspicion

of possession of a class B drug

with intent to supply.

- It's medicinal.

- You do not have to say anything.

But it may harm your defense if

you do not mention when questioned,

anything you later rely on in court.

Anything you do say may

be given in evidence.

[OFFICER 1] Could you stand up, please?

Do you have any sharp objects on you?

[OFFICERS CHATTERING]

[WHINING]

- [SHUSHES] No.

- [BARKING]

No. Danny, I think it

can smell the drugs.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't say that out loud.

Oh.

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER CONTINUES]

Just Can you speak to Danny?

Yeah. Sorry, sir.

I'm Danny Uh, sorry, Daniel Gibson.

Um, believe it or not,

there's a perfectly innocent

explanation for all of this.

Yeah. Um,

and the exp explanation

is that I was actually drugged

- by my friend's baking. No.

- Nick her.

And it wasn't even my fault

No. [STAMMERS] Please. Danny.

No, that's exactly what it is.

- Honestly. I'm a witness.

- [LISA] Danny, can you help me?

She didn't know they were drug cookies.

She didn't know they were drug cookies!

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

- All right, Daniel?

- Yeah. Listen.

Adam, I need you to drive me

to a launderette in Bermondsey.

What? I'd love to.

I love a road trip, but

my car's in the chop shop.

Clipped a rickshaw and a person.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Wait,

are you going outside?

- Yeah.

- Mate, that is brilliant.

- [GASPS]

- I I No. Actually, I have to.

- Lisa needs my help. So

- Right. Okay.

- Well, I am gonna order you a cab.

- No, no.

If I wanted a cab,

I'd order myself a cab.

- What's the problem with a cab?

- I'll be in a car with a man I don't know.

What if he talks to me?

Right. Okay. Sorry, dude, but

what other option do you have?

You can borrow my bicycle if you like?

Th-Thank you, uh, David, but I don't think

that's gonna get me there quick enough.

[STAMMERS] You could

take the basket off.

Right. Why does that make it faster?

I don't know. I've never

taken the basket off before.

- I'm gonna go back in

- [ADAM] No. Come on, mate. Right.

Breathe. [INHALES DEEPLY]

- You can do this, okay, Danny? Yeah?

- [DANNY INHALES DEEPLY]

- You can do this.

- [BREATHING SHAKILY]

[PHONE CHIMES]

[EXHALES SHAKILY]

Also, your cab's here.

- It's here?

- [ADAM] Mm-hmm.

- It's here.

- [CAT MAN] It's here.

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

I hope he's gonna be okay.

He likes me more than he likes you.

[DANNY BREATHING SHAKILY]

[HEART BEATING]

Please, brain, let me do this one thing.

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

[SIGHS]

["SUNDAY MORNING" PLAYING]

That's the same reason

[PARTNER] Well, I better get to bed,

or I'll never be up in the morning.

What time do you

finish your shift again?

- I told you. Midday.

- Oh, yeah.

Did you remember to put

on your support socks?

- Yep.

- You know how you ache if you don't.

- Yep.

- Have you got your flask?

I got the flask.

Oh, good. I made you

some pea and ham soup.

- Bermondsey?

- Yeah. [STUTTERS] That's me.

In there?

Unless you wanna drive.

[PARTNER] Oh, sorry, but I've

thrown out your green pants.

- The elastic has finally gone in them.

- Right.

[SIGHING] Well, I'm off to bed.

See you around

lunchtime. Enjoy the soup.

- Night then.

- Night.

- [RADIO HOST SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

- [DRIVER] Sorry about that.

It's the wife. [SIGHS]

Made me pea and ham soup.

You like pea and ham soup?

I don't. Hate it.

But I'm 17 years in now, so it's

pea and ham soup till I'm dead.

Sorry, do you mi [STAMMERS] Is it okay

if I let Wind Wind the window down?

Free country.

- [ENGINE REVVING]

- [HORN HONKING]

- [BRAKES SQUEALING]

- [PEOPLE CLAMORING]

[HORNS HONKING]

[SIREN WAILING]

[HEART BEATING]

[RADIO HOST SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

[HORN HONKING]

- [RADIO HOST SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

- [BREATHING HEAVILY]

Sorry, how far do we have left?

[SIGHS] Eight minutes, give or take.

- Okay, thank you.

- [PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

- Danny, it's all gone quite wrong.

- [POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

Don't Don't worry.

We'll We'll fix it.

I'm really high, Danny,

and I'm just off my t*ts.

Listen, Lisa, it'll be fine. It'll all

be fine. It's one big misunderstanding.

I'm just kind of finding

it hard to breathe.

Yeah, well [STAMMERS]

I know how you feel.

I just don't really know what to do.

Well, I'll be there in a minute.

Whatever it is, we will figure it out.

- I promise.

- You know, and I just think, you know,

- Veggie's gonna propose

- [PEOPLE CHATTERING]

and I'm gonna say yes.

Sorry. I didn't hear that. Say

Say that again. Veggie's what?

[OFFICER] Excuse me, miss,

we need to talk to you.

- Could you wrap that up?

- All right. I've gotta go.

- No. I can't, Danny.

- Don't go. I'm coming to get

- No. Wait, Lisa. I I'm coming to get y

- [PHONE CLATTERS]

[RADIO HOST SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

- That your girlfriend, is it?

- What?

Uh, no. Uh, sorry, no.

Uh, no, we're just we're mates.

- Yeah, if you say so.

- [PHONE RINGING]

- Yeah?

- [BILL] Tony, it's Bill.

- You working?

- Yeah.

- You near your house?

- [CLICKS TONGUE]

Yeah, not too far.

Right. Listen up, 'cause there's

something I need to talk to you about.

Hold on. Let me just

What's going on?

Right.

Is he, now?

Did she?

[LEATHER CREAKING]

Right. [GRUNTING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TONY GROANING]

Excuse me, oh, um, uh [STAMMERS]

What's hap what's happening?

Detour.

[GRUNTS] Yeah

[STAMMERS] What's happening?

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

Two ticks.

[EXHALES SHARPLY, SIGHS]

- [DANNY SIGHS]

- [TONY] Elaine? Elaine? Where is he?

I know he's here. I can smell his musk.

- [DANNY] What the

- [TONY] in my bed, using my bed pillow.

- [PERSON GRUNTS]

- [TONY] What was that?

- [ELAINE] Nothing.

- [TONY] All right. Come out. Face me.

- [ELAINE] No. No, no. Tony, wait!

- [PERSON PANTS]

- [TONY] Where is he?

- [ELAINE] Probably a dog.

- [ELAINE] Jesus Christ.

- [GRUNTS, BREATHES DEEPLY]

[ELAINE] Don't Don't go out there.

- [TONY] Oi!

- [PERSON GRUNTING]

Oi!

Get your a*s off that seat.

I've just had this thing cleaned.

- Right!

- [PANTING]

- [CAR STARTS]

- What you doing? What you doing?

I'm gonna k*ll you. Oi!

Stop it! Get out! Oi!

You can drop me off anywhere

at the top of this road.

That That should be fine.

[DANNY SIGHS]

[PANTING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[PHONE RINGING]

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

- Hello?

- [LISA] Hi, Danny.

- Are you okay? Where are you? I'm here.

- [LISA] Oh. Well, no, I'm at home.

- You're where?

- [LISA] I'm at home.

They let me off with a cannabis

warning. I just wanted to let you know.

- You're home?

- [LISA] Yeah.

Right.

[SIGHS] That That's great. Well done.

Is everything okay?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

I'm, uh I'm just here

outside a launderette

called Launderette, um,

wondering where the hell you are.

But look, I'm I'm happy

everything worked out for you.

What? Danny, you came to get me? [GASPS]

Sorry, love, can I have my phone back?

Oh. Um.

Oh, Danny, I'm I'm really

sorry. I'm gonna have to go,

- but I'm gonna call you back immediately.

- Listen, night, Leese.

- I [STAMMERS]

- [LINE BEEPING]

He-Hello?

- Sorry. Thank you.

- [OFFICER] Thank you.

- Are you okay? Are you sure?

- Yeah. I'm good.

I'm really good. Thank

you so much. Thanks.

- [VEGGIE] You're not gonna go?

- [LISA] Yeah. No, I'm really not gonna go.

Ah, go on. It'll be fun.

Gemma will miss you if you're

not there for hen night.

Yeah, but Gemma won't remember.

Plus, it's Gemma, so there

will definitely be a stripper

and I'm just really

not up for that tonight.

Okay.

Note to self, don't let anyone

hire a stripper for your hen night.

What do you mean my hen

night? What hen night?

Oh. Just, you know,

like, when you have one.

- Leese?

- You know what? Maybe I will go.

Thanks, Vedge.

No problem.

- [MOUTHING] Oh, no.

- [CARS PASSING]

[GROANS] Okay.

Oh.

- [OBJECT THUDS]

- Ow! Oh, no.

[GROANING] Oh, sorry.

- Lisa? What's going on?

- Uh

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[SIGHS]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

You know, and I just think, you know,

Veggie's gonna propose

and I'm gonna say yes.

- [BREATHING HEAVILY]

- [SIREN BLARING]

[HEART BEATING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

- [BLARING CONTINUES]

- [BREATHING HEAVILY]

[BLARING MUFFLED]

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

["SUNDAY MORNING" PLAYING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[AMY MUFFLED] Danny?

Danny.

[MUSIC STOPS]

Hey, Amy.

Hi.