01x07 - The Horse

[bunniefuu]

[WATER BOILING]

Is everything okay?

I'm just here outside a

launderette called Launderette, um,

- wondering where the hell you are.

- What? Danny, you came to get me?

- Danny, I'm I'm really sorry.

- Listen, night, Leese.

- I [STAMMERS]

- [LINE BEEPING]

He-Hello?

[KETTLE CLICKS]

- Mum just texted to say Poppy's out cold.

- Oh, yeah?

I'm not surprised. They took

her Nordic walking today.

- Oh. Okay. [CHUCKLES]

- [CHUCKLES]

[STAMMERS] Uh, how's the tea?

Man in the shop said it really worked

for him. Is it helping you sleep?

Yeah. I mean, you know,

every time I try and drink it,

- I think I'm gonna pass out, so

- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

Ooh, I'm about to do my night

yoga with the woman you suggested.

- Oh, great. Yeah. Oh, yeah, uh, Rebecca.

- Yeah.

Yeah, she's a really positive instructor.

You know, great for your mindset.

- You love a good mindset.

- Know what?

I didn't realize how bad my mindset

was until I started doing her classes.

But now I feel like

my mindset is just

- [IMITATES expl*si*n]

- [LAUGHS]

I-I'm just I'm I'm glad you're

getting into more of a routine.

You know, after the other night.

Yeah, me too.

Great. Well, it is my bedtime.

Well, I'll see you up there. As in,

I will actually see you up there.

Amazing.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Oh, um, I forgot to mention. [STAMMERS]

Y-You know the hobbyhorse

my dad made for Poppy?

Uh

[SCREAMS, GASPS]

[SCREAMS] Jesus!

[SIGHS] Right. You are coming with me.

Uh Yeah, I think so.

Do you know where it is? [STUTTERS]

I've looked everywhere. I can't find it.

They wanna have a photo

of her with it tomorrow.

A photo? Why?

For the family newsletter.

The Cutting Vedge.

Dad wants to show it off

to the Australian cousins.

He says it's the best

example of his whittling.

Well, yeah, I think it's

probably just in Poppy's wardrobe.

I did check there. But, you

know, I'll have another look.

No! No need. I'll do it. You're tired.

- Only if you're sure.

- Yeah.

Great. Well

[BOTH] See you in a sec. [CHUCKLE]

[SIGHS] 'Course.

- [TEA POURS]

- [MUG CLINKS]

[STRAINS]

[SIGHS]

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

[SNORING]

[BREATHES DEEPLY] Okay.

That's too much. [GROANS]

[STAMMERING] I wasn't watching you

sleep, if that's what you're thinking.

- Right.

- No, no. I can

I can see why you're thinking

that's what I was doing

Right. Because you

were watching me sleep.

But I was standing Yeah,

okay sure, I was watch

But it was not in a creepy way or

Is there a non-creepy way

to watch a woman sleep?

Yeah. I've heard Yeah,

there's I hear there's loads.

Oh. Oh, okay. This should be good.

Yeah. Okay. Sure.

One, um, Sleeping Beauty.

Man not only watches

but, um, kisses sleeping woman

and brings her back to life.

A-And that was a prince.

Ah, okay. One, princes

can still be creepy.

I think that's established.

And two, that story

actually hasn't aged well.

It's-It's kind of problematic.

Um, there's more. Uh, two. A

doctor monitoring a-a coma patient.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Uh, you

see, in that scenario,

I'm imagining you became a doctor

just so you could watch women sleep.

I promise, I wasn't watching you sleep.

Are you always this easy to wind up?

- Yes, famously I am. You got me.

- [LAUGHS]

Oh, and a midnight

feast of Jammie Dodgers.

That's definitely not creepy. [LAUGHS]

Truth is I was trying to figure

out how to say something to you.

I thought now could be a good time

to do it while you were asleep.

- I was just trying to

- Why? What did you wanna say?

- Thank you, really.

- [STAMMERS]

For what? The sex?

No, no. I mean, not no. Yes. That

was very nice. Good. Good, good.

But, um, no. No, for

giving me another chance.

Oh, you mean after

- [SCREAMS] Get it out! Get it out!

- [DANNY] Oh, God!

My bloody finger. What are you doing?

Yeah, after that.

- It's fine.

- It is fine?

Do you think I would

be here if it wasn't?

[LAUGHS] It was an accident.

I have moved past it. So should you.

[STAMMERS] I will. Thank you.

[SIGHS]

Oh, hold on.

It's fine. There's just a bit

of a knack to it. And Oh.

- If I could [MUMBLES]

- No, don't try to help me.

I [SIGHS] I need to

learn to live like this.

[SIGHS]

[SLURPING, PANTING]

Oh, that is lovely tea.

- You're such a d*ck.

- [LAUGHS]

[DOOR BUZZING]

[PHONE LINE RINGING]

[DANNY] Hi. This is Danny. Uh,

yeah. I was gonna do, like, a fun,

jokey kinda message, but I couldn't

really think of one. So, uh, yeah-yeah.

So, I just I-I Just leave me

a message and I'll get back to you.

- [VOICE MAIL BEEPS]

- Oh, hi. [CHUCKLES]

You still up? [CHUCKLES] I am,

obviously. Um [CLICKS TONGUE]

I was just thinking this is

probably the longest we have gone

without speaking since

I mean Oh.

Since ever. [CHUCKLES]

So, uh So, yeah. Give me a call.

Um

look, I know the other night

was [SIGHS] was a big deal.

You leaving the flat for me.

Thank you. You're so sweet.

Uh, would you just let

me know you're okay?

I-I don't I'm just

a bit worried about you.

Okay. Thank you. [CHUCKLES] Bye, Danny.

[LISA CLICKS TONGUE]

[SIGHS, GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS] Oh, God, I

don't need this tonight.

- [PERSON] Have you looked in the box?

- [SPOUSE] I'm looking.

- Yes, but have you looked properly?

- I'm going through every single box.

I mean, who puts passports

in a storage unit?

Oh, just shut up and

help me look, will you?

You really are a useless b*stard.

Never get married.

[PERSON] You joking?

What do you mean all my stuff's gone?

Oh, look, Freddie [CHUCKLES]

you're being paranoid.

What-What were you trying

to suggest? [CHUCKLES]

That I'm moving out of the flat

in stages so you won't notice?

[SECURITY] Here, kitty, kitty.

What have I got here, hey?

[SIGHS] Don't suppose you've

seen a cat knocking about?

- Cat? No, sorry.

- [GROANS]

Little blighter's been going from

unit to unit destroying people's stuff.

I almost had it earlier, but

it managed to wriggle away.

Aw, poor little thing

must be trapped in here.

I bet it's terrified.

Yeah, yeah. Breaks

your heart, doesn't it?

- Hmm.

- Hmm, right, well. I'd better get on.

Here, kitty, kitty. Come out now,

and that will be the end of it.

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTS]

[PANTING]

[STRAINING]

Ah.

[GRUNTING, SIGHS]

Oh! Bloody hell.

Would you stop doing that? Oh.

[GRUNTS, SIGHS] Okay.

[CAT MEOWS]

What? Are you back there?

[CAT MEOWS]

Oh, my God.

Hi, mate.

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

Hello.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Oh, I

wish I could take you home.

- Poppy would love a cat.

- [PURRING]

[GROANS] Veggie's allergic. Sorry.

Hello, mate.

[WHISPERS] Okay. Stay

safe out there, all right?

Oh, my God.

[CHUCKLES, GASPS]

[SQUEALS]

Discman.

Oh, wow.

Lisa Osgood is good.

- Jurassic Park.

- 1993.

Jurassic Park 2.

It doesn't just have to be

[CHUCKLES] Jurassic Park films.

Ooh! You do not know?

- 1997.

- [WHOOSHES]

- Yes, yes. You are.

- [SIGHS] He's good. Pretty.

You are good at knowing

when movies came out.

- I know. Not bad.

- Yeah.

But I-I'm gonna find

one that you don't know.

- I'm bringing you down.

- I love it. Fighting talk.

- Uh

- Go on, hit me with another one.

- The Land Before Time. Difficult.

- Yeah. It's a film.

- Mm-hmm. Ooh.

- Um, do you know?

- Yes, I could find out.

- So do I know?

- You do know?

- Aye, so do I know.

We'll say it at the same time

and see if we both know it.

- Yes. [STAMMERS] 1988!

- [STAMMERS] 1988!

That's it. We both win. Game over.

- Jammie Dodger!

- Jammie Dodger in.

We should have another one

'cause they're going stale.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING] Oh, my God. I

totally forgot about this one.

Danny, sorry for the voice note, but

I just found my old teenage diary.

Listen to this, right.

"Sleepover at Jess's.

We watched The Ring,

properly freaked out.

Jess gets up in the middle of the night.

I'm in the hallway sleepwalking."

[CHUCKLES] Always an insomniac.

"She thinks I'm the girl in The Ring,

so she takes a plate off the wall

and chucks it at my head and

wakes up the whole house."

[LAUGHS] Oh, my God, what's this?

"Ended up, um Ended up having lunch

on my own in the library again and"

Oh. Yeah. That one's not so much fun.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[CLICKS TONGUE] Where are you?

[NARRATOR] Thanks to the

natural buoyancy of Angus's fur,

drowning is out of the equation.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Sea otters have the

thickest coats of any animal.

- Leese?

- Hi, Adam. Sorry to bother you.

Um, I was just wondering

Did you know sea otters have

pockets under their arms?

What?

Like, they're not wearing a jacket.

They're, like, built into their skin.

Oh, okay. Um [CLICKS

TONGUE] c-cool.

Uh, look, Adam, have you heard from

Danny? It's just I haven't spoken to him

for about a week, and I'm starting

to get a little bit worried.

What do you think they keep in them?

I don't know. [CHUCKLES] Um, sorry.

Look, forget about the sea

otters for just a second.

- Well, I wish I could.

- [NARRATOR CONTINUES]

Can I ask you a tiny favor?

- Adam?

- Yes? [CLEARS THROAT]

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

[SIGHS]

So just to confirm, you, um You

definitely want to do this again?

You're a weird little dude, aren't you?

It has been said.

Maybe we could try that Italian

place I was talking about.

I mean, if it's not too far. I

do know it's difficult for you.

- No, no. It's not difficult.

- Hmm?

No, no. No, I mean, i-it

is. But I'd like to try.

Yay.

Well, I'm glad I got

you to the door safely.

My hero.

[ADAM GASPS]

Adam? What are you doing on the floor?

Danny. [CHUCKLES] You're okay.

We were Um, we were

worried about you. [CHUCKLES]

- Who was?

- Oh, you know, just everyone.

- People.

- [DANNY] People?

What's happening here?

What's What's this?

[SIGHS] Can't. [CHUCKLES]

Can't what?

I'm not allowed to tell you.

You're not allowed to tell us what?

- Nothing.

- You're not allowed to tell us nothing?

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Yeah, I'm sorry, Leese. I can't do this.

[DANNY] Lisa?

Of course.

Hi, Danny.

God, this is weird, isn't it? [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, you're telling me.

Hi, I'm Amy. You must be Lisa.

Oh, hi. Hi

Wait, Amy, as in

As in

Oh. Um, I'm sorry sorry to interrupt.

What's going on? What is this?

Sorry. Are you asking

[CHUCKLING] me that?

[STAMMERS] Look, I should go.

- [DANNY] Oh, no That came quick.

- [AMY] My cab will be here in a minute.

Yes. Fast.

Um, listen, tell her this isn't

what this isn't a thing that we do.

- This doesn't usually happen.

- It really doesn't.

- It's fine.

- [DANNY STAMMERS]

Rebecca De Mornay is dead.

Were you a big fan?

She was my oldest cat. You were

disrupting her memorial service.

[CATS MEOWING]

[CAT MAN] We were 47 seconds

into the minute silence.

So if we could still be

quiet for the next 13 seconds,

we can move on to the eulogy.

[STOPWATCH BEEPS]

- [CAT MAN BREATHES DEEPLY]

- [AMY] Mmm.

- [CELL PHONE CHIMES]

- [BEEPS]

- That's my cab.

- Guess you gotta go.

- I've gotta go. Speak to you tomorrow.

- Yeah we'll have a little chat possibly.

[STAMMERING] Danny, Danny, wait.

I I can explain. I'm really

[SIGHS] No. [GROANS]

Okay. If everyone's

quite finished, resume.

- [BEEPS]

- [BREATHING HEAVILY]

[SOBS]

[SIGHS]

Right.

[SIGHS]

[CAT MEOWS]

- Oh. [SIGHS] Hi, there.

- [PURRING]

Oh. I'm sorry, I can't take you with me.

Hmm?

Actually

I think I know someone that

might be able to take care of you.

Yeah.

Uh

Perfect.

[GRUNTS, SIGHS]

Damn it.

[SIGHS] Right, you.

[STAMMERS]

- Hiya.

- All right?

[CAT MEOWS]

[SHUSHES] Did you hear that?

Uh, no.

[CAT MEOWS]

[SIGHS] What now?

The lights.

[SIGHS]

[NARRATOR] As an adult,

Angus will need to eat

- up to 40% of his body weight every day

- [KNOCKING]

[DANNY] Forgot something?

- [VEGGIE] All right?

- Veggie.

Sorry for just turning up. I I was

out for a run and somehow ended up here.

- You ran here?

- Actually, I'm running to the moon.

- I think you've taken a wrong turn.

- No. Sorry, no.

[STAMMERS] Um, I mean, it's

it's about 384,000 miles

from here to the moon. Yeah.

My aim is to run that many

miles by the time I'm 60.

Oh, good. Well, well done.

- Oh, uh, this is for you.

- Oh.

Like my parents always said, never

turn up at someone's house empty-handed.

Oh, nice. Thanks.

- Um, would you like a-a glass?

- Is Lisa here?

What?

Lisa. She's, uh She's not home.

[CLICKS TONGUE] No, she's

not. Sorry. Sorry, no.

Right.

Why? Have you lost her?

Maybe. [CHUCKLES]

Sorry. I just [STAMMERING] I-I somehow

thought she might have ended up here.

- This is the living room.

- Is that lipstick?

Have I told you about

my girlfriend, Amy?

In a very serious relationship.

Uh, both committed, very good.

- Great. Good. Good for you.

- Yeah, nice. She's really nice.

Would you mind if I use your bathroom?

No.

Great. It's through here, is it?

Uh, actually, no, it's not.

It's to the right. Just ar

Everything okay?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh. The

The wine is French by the way.

Um, the label says it goes

well with chicken and fish.

Uh, I'm not really much of an expert.

But, you know, if you're having

any chicken or-or fish dishes,

then it should go really

well with it. [CHUCKLES]

[DANNY] Right.

Oh, Lisa, she actually got me a

Wowcher to go wine tasting once.

Um, but, unfortunately, I

couldn't go because I had, uh

- gastric flu. [CHUCKLES]

- Oh.

Oh. That's Good job

I checked this actually.

You've got a bit of water

leaking through the tiles here.

Have you had these done recently?

- Mm-hmm.

- If you've got any grout,

I could fix it for you.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[CAT MEOWS]

You okay?

- [MEOWS]

- Yeah.

Mmm. It's fresh.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's French.

- Oh, yeah. You said.

- Yeah, I think they do the the freshest.

You know I, uh [STAMMERS] can't remember

the last time I was up at this time.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah. I can't remember

the last time I wasn't, to be honest.

[CHUCKLES]

It's, like, wh-when I'm sleeping,

there's this whole world of

Lisa's that I know nothing about.

Which is fine. 'Cause you know,

it it was good when we were awake.

- Was good?

- What?

What? Sorry. You You were saying?

No. No, nothing, really.

You sure? Sounded like something.

No. It's, um, fine. I was

just, um [EXCLAIMS] Um

Would you mind if I did some press-ups?

- What, now?

- Yeah.

[GROANS]

Oh, that's better. Now I can think.

Oh, you should join me.

I would, but I've got

ridiculously weak wrists.

Oh. It's just, um, lately I've

been having all these thoughts.

[BLOWS] Yeah, those. Don't

get me started on thoughts.

The bane of my life those.

Along with my weak wrists.

It just, um feels like Lisa's

pulling away from me a bit.

I don't understand. I

I thought you were gonna

Gonna what?

Well, propose.

Right.

[PANTING]

[LISA HUMS]

[CAT MEOWS]

[LISA] Right. Nearly there, I think.

It's, like, I'll walk

into a room she's in,

and then she makes up some excuse

and just leaves almost immediately.

Right.

She's been trying to get her sleeping back

on track since she went on this hen night.

[STAMMERS] She took some

drugs, and then she got lost.

And I think it jolted her a little.

And I might have told her that,

you know, she needs to grow up bit

for Poppy's sake.

So, now, you know, she she

keeps making all these changes,

but [SIGHS] well,

the the truth is is

[SIGH]

Go on. You know, if it if it

helps to get it off your chest.

I don't think her heart's in it anymore.

Sorry, mate, I shouldn't have come.

No, don't go. You're so close to 500.

Oh, um, p-please don't

tell Lisa I was here.

- Okay.

- Thanks.

Veggie, wait.

[SIGHS]

I don't suppose you've heard "I'll Be

Your Mirror" by The Velvet Underground?

- [STAMMERS] No.

- Okay.

Well, it's from their first

album released in 1967.

The album's actually called

The Velvet Underground & Nico.

Very fun fact: Andy

Warhol designed the cover.

Sorry, mate. You've lost

me. What you talking about?

Perfectly understandable. Sorry.

It's a love song, okay?

Probably the greatest love

song ever written actually.

And there's a lyric in there

which is, "I'll be your mirror,

reflect what you are

in case you don't know."

- You know?

- Um

What I'm saying is we're all

trying our best. You know?

Most of our life, we walk around

feeling like we don't fit in.

So, we're just letting people

down just by being who we are.

But all it takes is that one person.

Do you know? To see

you. To really see you

and decide that they wanna

be with you no matter what.

Alternatively, you could just

forget what I've just said

and, you know, play to your strengths.

Right. And what would they be?

You know, if if you had to say.

- [STAMMERING] What would they Right now?

- Yeah.

Well, you look good in shorts.

Oh. Well, thank you.

Um, I j I just feel

more myself in them really.

And, boy, can you tell.

Honestly, it's Yeah, yeah.

- You look like you were born in them.

- A-Anything else?

- Sure. Um, you're great with Poppy.

- Yeah.

You've got a steady job, haven't

you? Which is great in this economy.

- You own your own home.

- Good sense of humor?

You own your own home.

And you're Veggie. Most importantly.

You know, there's only one of

those, and he's standing right here.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

Thanks, Danny, for for everything.

That's okay. Of course.

Oh, okay. Hug. That's okay.

Oh. Um, "I'll I'll Be Your Mirror"?

Uh-huh. That's the one.

Cheers.

[SIGHS]

Now, you're probably going to think

your new owner is a total weirdo, okay?

I just want you to know

that that is normal, okay?

You'll get used to him,

and I don't think there's anyone else who

can take care of you as well as he can.

So you just have to trust me.

But if you really, really need a break,

you can go across the hall to Danny.

Because honestly, Danny

is just the most ama

- Lisa.

- Veg.