02x02 - Episode 2

[bunniefuu]

- GROANS: Oh, no.

Oh, no! I did it again.

- Good morning to you too.
- [SIGHS]

You tricked me into sleeping over.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

OK, let's choose our words very
carefully here.

You fell asleep during your turn
of little spoon, and I didn't
even get my turn.

- OK, well, you know,
since we're here.

Oh, OK.

[BABY CRIES]

Does that sound like Oscar or Jai?

- I don't know. They both
sound the same.

- That's r*cist.

Oh, it's definitely Oscar.

- Johnny...
- I'm just worried.
He could be a bit colicky.

- I'll give you colic.

- [CHUCKLES]

Mm.

- Mm! [GIGGLES]

[CRYING CONTINUES]

[SCOFFS] Johnny!

- I'm so sorry. He
just sounds so sad.

- [SCOFFS] Come on!

OK. There we go. Look.

Try and drown it out, OK?

[BOTH LAUGH]

- Ooh.

Um—

Babe? Babe.

It's playing the Britney Spears
autobiography.

Honestly, her story —
truly heartbreaking.

- Yeah, I know. Don't get me
started on Justin.

Shower?

- BOTH WHISPER: Shower.

Oh, whoa!

- Oh! Oh!
- Oh.

- Someone's in here.
- Sorry.

- I'm just trying to
get my boobs working.

Sorry, sorry. Do you both
need to use the bathroom?

- Oh, nah, nah—
- Yeah.

- [GASPS SOFTY] Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, cool, cool.
You guys, like, go for it.
Go for it. That's, like, hot.

You just can do whatever it is that
young lovers do these days.

And there's the, um, non-slip
bathmat, which could be helpful,
couldn't it?

- I'm gonna go for a run.

- Thanks a lot, man.
Now I'm gonna have blue ba*ls
for the rest of the day.

- Sorry.

- I'll just go whack one out
in my room.

[HUFFS]

So horny!

- You sure that you
don't want to come?

I'm just gonna go round the block,

and Meredith says that walking is
very good for mental fortitude.

- You know what — I think what
is good for my mental fortitude

is drinking this tea and
not seeing Meredith.

Oh hey, also, I booked us
an appointment.

- What? An appointment?
- Yeah.

With a

lactation consultant.

I wanted to help. You know,
take the initiative with your boobs.

Step up— not on your boobs, but...
- Thank you. That's— That's
really nice of you.

- Yeah. Great. I mean,
I thought it was great,

and it's booked for next Tuesday.
It's on Zoom, and it was free.
Can you believe that?

- Huh. It's on Zoom?

- Yeah. It was really hard to get
an appointment, actually.

Yeah, I had to get a few people
bumped off the list.

Tried to play the g*y card,
and it turns out the race card
works better.

- Yeah, right. [CHUCKLES FLATLY]

- It's cool, right?

- Yeah, no, yeah, it is,
I'm just— I'm just—

I'm trying to, like, think about how
that would work on Zoom, I guess.

- Yeah. I mean, I feel like you just
flop your baps out,

and then those t*tties will be
waterboarding those boys in no time.

- Uh, yeah.

OK!

We're gonna do it on Zoom.
- Yeah.

- Thanks, babe.

- I do this every day.

I leave the house
anxious and ready to k*ll,

and then I get walking. I have
a little cry, maybe a little scream —
you know, whatever.

And then I head back into the house,
ready to take on the day.

I mean, look at you. You look
so much more relaxed already.

- Do I?
- Yeah. Sort of.
- Oh!

- And the breastfeeding—
is that all going OK?

Cos I know it can be
a bit of a struggle.

- Um— Oh, look, that actually has
been a bit tricky.

I think my milk's slow to come in
or something, so Nat's been doing
the bulk of it for now.

- OK, you need to get
that sorted pronto.

OK? It all starts with the boobs.

And then they'll prefer her cuddles.

And then before you know it,
Nat gets to be the fun one,

reading bedtime stories
with silly voices,

and all you'll be good for is dentist
visits and parent-teacher interviews.

- Really?

- Yeah. It happened to
my sister-in-law.

- Well, Nat has booked me in for
a Zoom appointment with a lactation
consultant next week,

so maybe that—
- One of those free,
online public ones?

- Um, maybe.

- Yeah. I just don't think you
can afford to wait that long.
Seriously, Steph.

Why don't I come home with you
for the next feed?

You know, if you wanted a pair
of outside eyes.

I'm kind of a low-key
breastfeeding guru.

- It's just— I think Nat
went to a bit of trouble
to organise the session,

so I just wouldn't want to, like...
- Steph...
- ...undermine—

- ...do you want your kids
to grow up to be biters?

- No.

- Let's go, then.

- Oh God.

- So if you're tense up here, you're
gonna be sort of tense here,

so we just need to loosen here.
- oh, OK.

- Try loosening that.
- Meredith?

- We are mothers, which
means we are warriors, not losers.

OK? this is the kind of energy
we need to bring to the—

- Wow.

- Ah! Hello, Natalie.

- I'm getting a real sort of
experimental teenage l*sbian
sleepover energy here.

- You remember Meredith, right?

- Yes, Steph, I do remember Meredith,
your dear friend and the person you
were on a walk with.

- STAMMERS: Oh, yes, of course.
Meredith, my friend from the walk.

We were honestly just having,
like, such a lovely time,

so we thought, 'Well, ooh,
let's not stop this.

'Let's just, like, come back and
keep chatting and just having such
a good time with my girlfriend.'

So that's what we're doing.
- Cool.

Well, um, I'm just gonna take
Oscar for a feed,

because my boobs— [EXCLAIMS]
are ready to burst.

In fact, I could probably water
the plants at this point.

I'll leave you two to
plait each other's hair,

or get to second base —
sniff each other's butts.
I don't know what you're doing.

- We're gonna chat. We're just gonna
chat-chat-chat. Chat-chat-chat.
- Yes. Yep.

I think we— I think we got away
with it. I don't think she
suspects at all...

- OK.
- ...that something
else might be going on.

So I think— phew.

[DOOR OPENS]
- SHELLEY: Whoo-hoo!

- Oh. Uh— Would you
mind just watching—
- Absolutely. Yes. Go, go.

[DOOR CLOSES]

- Mum! What— What
are you doing here?

- Rosie put me on the helping roster
while she's at a weekend
sculpture workshop.

- There's a helping roster?

I'm actually kind of in
the middle of something.

- You have two infants. What could
you possibly be in the middle of?

- Meredith is here.

- Why is Meredith here?

I thought you'd cut her out of your
life after she gifted you those
Pilates vouchers

because she thought
you slouch too much.

- She knows a lot about babies, so
she's just helping me out with...

a couple of...

elements.
- Well, that's why Rosie
sent me — to help.

Come on. This Mother Teresa act
will only last so long.

- Right. So let's see
your feeding position.

- Something like...

- So what I can already identify
from this posture is blame.

- God, I'm parched. Why don't you
have any sparkling water?

- Just use tap water.

- Just because you have two babies,
it doesn't mean you need to give up
on life, Stephanie.

Do you at least have any mint?
- No.

- Right. So your issues could be
stemming from a whole range of
things —

tongue-tied, blocked ducts,
slow flow, milk—

- God, I don't know why you lot are
so obsessed. Just give them
a bottle, for God's sake.

- You must be loving being
Grandma, Shelley.

- I haven't decided what
I'm going to be called yet, but
it certainly won't be 'Grandma'.

- Right.

Right. Well, that's the theory
side sorted—

- Or Nana, either. Gives a false
impression that I'll be doing
knitting and baking.

- Don't worry. No one is thinking
you'll be doing any of that, Mum.

- May I? Do you consent to me
touching your breast area?

- Oh— Oh yeah, OK. Yeah, if
you think it'll help, sure.

- Great.
- Yeah.

- Right, I'm just gonna—

Well, those tubes
should be good to go.



No, that is really soft.

- I panicked, and I didn't want you
to think that I wasn't happy
with the Zoom.

- Are you happy with the zoom?
- Oh my gosh, yes.

I'm so happy about the Zoom.
I love the Zoom. It's just—

Meredith thought that maybe
something sooner might
be good for me.

- I just don't understand
why you keep inviting Meredith
into our house.

- WHISPERS: I know.
- She's f*ck' crazy.

She's worse for you than dairy, and
we all know how that makes you feel.

We hear it.
- OK. Nat, this is something
that is stressing me out,

and I just— I want to know that
I have thrown everything at it,

even if that means [WHISPERS]
having Meredith in our house.

Look, she's here,

and she's really keen.

Maybe she can help me.
Can we just please let her try?

- OK.

- What about outside, right?

Like, between the garage
and the neighbour's fence.
You know, where the hose is?

No one can see us there.

We could pretend that we're, like,
two very busy caterers on smoko.

- By the bins?

- I'm just looking for
any way to be sexy, you know?

It's like we're stuck in some sort
of early childhood centre.

[SIGHS] I don't mind
a bit of bin juice.

- Mm. It is very sour on the nose.
- Oh.

-You wanna sniff mine?

Sometimes I get, like, notes of
summer fruit and fresh-cut grass.

- Do you think that could
be the problem?

The boys just don't like
the taste of my milk?

- Mm. I'm gonna have
a little sip. Find out.

- Christ. I feel like we should bring
out a little plate of cookies.

- Oh, yeah. There's a little
definite tang there. [CHUCKLES]

So let's get to the bottom
of it, shall we?

Nat, I'm gonna need some
room-temperature water, please.

- To wash down the tang?

- No, for Steph.

We need to flush. I think
hydration's gonna be critical here.

- Right. That sounds
like a good idea.

- Um...
[JAI GURGLES]

Yeah. Hang on. Yeah.

- Hello.

Hi, sweetie.

- OK, we're gonna do a little
thing called 'Let down dirty talk'.

- How about 'Abuela'?
No. Maybe that's a bit too much.

Ooh, 'Grand-mere'. Now, that
has a certain je ne sais quoi.

- Beautiful options, Mum.
Really nice.

- Right, you're looking down at Jai,

and he's looking back at you with
those big, round eyes and that
downy little nut-head.

Go on, give it a little kiss.

- Kiss— Kiss Jai?
- Mm.
- OK.

Mwah.
- Oh.

Aw, and he's looking
back at you adoringly with
those little watery eyes,

And he's saying, [BABY VOICE]
'Feed me, Mama, feed me.'

And you can feel his gums on your
areola just grazing over and over,

and he's sucking as if his
little life depends on it,
because it does, Steph.

OK? This is the difference
between life and death.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Oh, why are you gushing?
- I don't know.

It must be the dirty
baby-talk thing you're doing.

- Are your boobs sore?
- A little bit.

- A little? [SNIFFS] And how have
you been feeling? Tired? Run-down?

- Yeah, but no more than usual.

- Oh God. It's pre-emptive mastitis.
I've got a nose for this stuff.

We're gonna have to move fast,
or this is gonna be—
- What?

- Total breast shut-down.

You're the sole food source right
now. We can't have you plugging up.

- Uh—
- Now...

- Oh.
- ...sit right there. I'll be back.

- Oh. 'Babcia' is nice. It's Polish.

- Mm. What about just here?

- Oh, so you want to
get dirty on this...

cold, dusty hardwood floor?

- Yeah. Yeah, we could do it here.
- [CHUCKLES]

[MUFFLED SPEECH THROUGH WALL]

- STEPH, MUFFLED: OK,
I'll get a towel.

Does it have to be like a—
like a clean towel for her boobs,

Or can I use, like, a tea towel?

- What?

- And do I— Can I use, just, like—

- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I just can't get in
the mood with Shelley here, you know?

Even her perfume just chills
me to my core.
- Yeah.

[SIGHS]

- Do you want to get out of here?
- Yes, I do. More than anything.

Especially cos I feel like
Meredith is about to come in here
and milk me like a prize Friesian.

- Oh yeah.

- What do you call this?
This is tepid. We need warmth.

Warmth to release the thickening.

- Shall I just—
- Try again? Yes.
- Yeah. OK.

- Right.
[BABY CRIES]

If I just get in here?
- Yep.

- Yep. You're making small
concentric swirls, like this, see?

Can you feel the pressure beginning
to release?

- Ah. Not really. I'm sort of
disassociating right now.

Oh.
- Milk fever?

Jesus.

[BABY CRIES]
- I'll just deal with
that, then, shall I?

- Yeah, that would be
great. Thank you.
- Yeah, thanks, Mum.

And just remember
to support his neck.

- Ow!

Ow, are you trying to scald her?

That's very hot.

[BABY FUSSES]

- SOFTLY: There, there.

Shh, shh.

Oh. Ooh...

[SHUSHES SOFTLY]

Nonna's here.

No, that doesn't sound right.

Oh,

you can call me whatever you like.

As long as it's not Nana...

or Grandma.

No, no, no.

- You know what? I actually feel
way less tender. I think
the spirals shifted something.

- Oh, thank Christ. But I think
a full boob bath just to be
on the safe side.

- 100%, 100%.

- Could we just do that—
the hamburger hold first?

- Yeah, not really first priority
right now, Steph, OK?

Let's focus on stemming Nat's
mammary trauma first, shall we?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh, that'll be for me.

- Did you know about dangle feeding?
Meredith was just talking about it,

and I'm like, 'Oh my God,
it sounds amazing.'

And I want to be fed like that.

- Why didn't you tell me that you
weren't feeling well?

- I didn't know that I was sick.
I just— I didn't want
to make you worry.

And, you know, like Meredith
was saying, anxiety is a—

- Yeah. I know what she said
about anxiety.

I've been sitting here the whole
time listening to it all.

[DOOR CLOSES]
- And what were some of your
experiences today, darling?

- I pushed down d*ck Thomas.

- Did you? Oh, good. And what
feelings did that bring up for you?

- Oh, hi, Otis. Nice to—
Nice to see you again.

Did you have to get him from
day-care? You should have said.

- Oh, no, it's fine. Another mum
just brought him on her cargo bike.

- Oh, OK. Well, we can
totally, like, wrap this all up.

- Absolutely not. No, I'm not
leaving until we've cracked Nat.

- And— And me? And you won't leave
until you've cracked me too?

- Yes. Good. Sorry.
Um, could you make a little bit
of afternoon tea for Otis?

He just can't have processed grains,
dairy or sugar.

Do you have any bone broth?

- Um...

I'll check. Yeah.

- Woof, woof! Woof, woof! [PANTS]

- Oh, yes. He's been doing a lot of
imaginative exploration lately.

It's a key phase for their
development.

It's really important that you play
along when they initiate it.

- Let's go and get you a little bone,
little doggy. Yeah.

OK— OK. That's, um—

yeah.

- Right.

Right. Get those t*ts out now.

- You're... really liking that dog
bowl, aren't you?

- Woof, woof!

- Um, well, we've got
some bay leaves...
- NAT: Ooh. Oh yeah, that's sore.

- Some crackers,
I think they're still—
- [NAT SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

- Oh. Oh, no. Otis,
that's— that's sugar,

so you definitely can't
have that one.

- But I like it.

- MEREDITH: Lean through the pain.
Lean through the pain.
- NAT: Ooh, OK.

- You know what? Why don't you take
this, head outside so Mummy doesn't
see, and just, um, go for your life.

- Ooh.
- Good?

- Ooh. That is good. Yeah.
- Good.

I think we've nearly got it.
- OK.

Don't forget the
right udder as well.
- [SCOFFS] As if I would.

[CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.

Oh, that is good.

That's doing something.
- Great.

Yeah. We're getting quite
a lot of liquid out of here.

- Hey, Meredith, when you get a sec,
would you mind just checking my
latch?

- Um, yeah, it's looking
a little sloppy at the moment.
Can you feel the seal?

- Uh...

yep, I think so.

- Confidence, Steph.
You need to know your seal.

- OTIS SHOUTS: Mum,
can I wee on the tree?

- [SIGHS] Be right back.

Hold your flow, Otie,
Mummy's coming.

- [GROANS] Bloody hell.

It was like being pulverised
by Mike Tyson.

- Yeah. Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

- Yeah.

I never want Meredith to leave.
- She needs to leave our house now.

- Honestly, when you invited
her over, I was like,
'What are you doing?

'Why are you bring this
woman to our house?'

Because of the whole, you know,
incessant Google invitation thing,

and the white jeans and
the passive-aggressive, just,
general Meredith-ness of her.

But now I don't want her to leave.

- Yeah. [STAMMERS] Me too.

- Like, miracle worker is
probably too strong of a word,

but what she has done with those
abnormally tiny little moisturised
hands of hers— she's incredible.

- Woo-hoo. Woo-hoo.
What a— What a successful day.

Everyone's getting so much out of it.

- Can you believe the man in the
deli needed to Google fenugreek?

Honestly.
- Mum, this really isn't necessary.

- Nonsense. It takes a village,

and today, I am the village chef
for that darling little boy.

- Uh— boys. There's— There's two—
two boys. Boys, plural.

- I'm going to cook my famous fish
pie for my favourite grandson.

- They also can't eat solids
for quite some time, but sure.

- Yes, but you and Nat can.

And then it will go through you
and into him.

Or...

through Nat, anyway.

- Just drop those shoulders, Steph,
OK? It won't help with the flow.

How many mls have we got now?

- Where will I find
the Spanish anchovies?

— Mum, I feel weird.

- Oh, darling, come over here.
I've set you up with
a little art station.

And why don't you draw
your emotions?

You get drawing. Get out your
feelings. That's it.

- [SCREAMS SHRILLY]

[ROARS]

- Oh!
- Oh no! My milk!

- Otis, we've talked about
food waste, darling.
- [SHRIEKS SHRILLY]

Oh, I've never seen him like this.
It's like someone's given him sugar.
- [SHRIEKS]

[OTIS SHRIEKS]
- MEREDITH: Oh, Otis!

[OTIS WHOOPS]
- SHELLEY: God, it's like
a dog or something.

- WHISPERS: What are you doing?
- WHISPERS: Hiding.

- From Otis?

- WHISPERS: I gave him sugar.
- [LAUGHS]

- Like, heaps
and heaps of white sugar.

[OTIS VOCALISES]

I hate this so much.

- I thought this was what
you wanted.

- I know. I— I also thought that.

I just... wanted to be able
to feed our boys, but...

not like this. This is horrific.

Can you ask them all to leave?

All of them — can you just
make them leave our house?

[OTIS VOCALISES]

- Help me up.

- Thank you.

- Gladly.

Gladly do this.

- Thanks.
- [EXHALES]

Oi, you lot.

Party's over. Everybody out.

- SHELLEY: But I was just
about to glaze the pie.

- Are you feeling better now?

- Honestly, I think Meredith just
wanted to feel me up.

That's fair. It's fair.

- That is fair. You got great t*ts.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Thank you for...

doing this too.

- I'm not giving up.

Not on you,

not on the boys...

not on our girls.

Is it all right?

- Yeah, yeah. I think it's good.

And I think it's OK.

Like,

I will keep trying,

but if I can't ultimately
feed them, then...

that's all right,

because you can.

You can...

be the family boobs.

And then if that runs out,
then we can just go to bottles.

- Really?
- Yeah. All this crazy pressure—
it's just stupid, you know?

I want them to be biters.
- [CHUCKLES]

- Biters are great, strong.

- Just you, me

and the boys —
that's all we need.

- SOFTLY: Yeah.

[STOMACH GURGLES]

- Oh— Ooh.
- CHUCKLES: Oh God. Was that you?

- I— Yeah, that was.

- That was— I'm gonna...
- Yeah.

- ...just go to the bathroom.
- Just sort that out.
- Yeah.

- [LILY SQUEALS]

How good is this?

Oh, no Shelley, no Meredith,
no screaming babies.

Just you and me and all
of this gorgeous free lotion.

Johnny...

- Yeah. I'm sorry.

- Tonight is about you and me.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just, uh—

I just hope they're
doing OK without us.

- Well, how about...

you don't look at this...

till...

tomorrow.

- Yeah, yeah. [CLICKS TONGUE]

Well...
- I know. What are we going to do?
- There's nothing else to do.

- What could we possibly do?
- Dunno.

- It's gonna be so...

- Wow. You smell really good.

- Yeah, it's the lotion.

It says hand lotion,
but I put it everywhere.

- Did you?
- Yeah. Particularly my face.

- SOFTLY: Oh, OK.
- [GIGGLES]

- Babe— Babe, how are
you going in there?

- Uh, not good. Not going well.

It's, um— It's just all, like,
just coming straight out of me.

- Yeah. Oh, yeah, I can— I can hear
that, and I can feel it vibrating
through the kitchen bench.

[WET SPLATTERING]

[BELCHES]
- Apologies for that. What—
You're not feeling good too?

- NERVOUSLY: Babe, do you think
there's a chance we could—
we could swap soon?

I'm just feeling— I'm feeling very,
very off right now.

- No, I can't. Things are
turning for me in here.

Things are not— Things
are not good now.

- [VOMITS]

- Are you spewing, or are you
sh1tting? What's going on?

- It's the pie. It's f*ck'
Shelley's f*ck' pie.

- SING-SONG: Yoo-hoo! Hello!

Ooh, did you miss us?

- Oh my God, never leave us again.

- What happened?

- You honestly don't want to know.

- Mm.

Oh, this pie's f*ck' lit.

- No. Just put it down.
- No, Lily. No, don't.

No, no, no, no.
- Drop the fork.

- Put the fork down.
- Drop it. Drop it.
- Why?!

- You're gonna sh*t yourself!
BOTH: Stop! Stop!

- ♪ Yeah, I got a little
mean, I guess I'm on a roll.

♪ I put the money in the bag,
it's way out of control.

♪ Get in, get wins, get with it.

♪ All day, it pays.
I know I'm gonna get some.

♪ I got a little proposition,
go get on the grind.

♪ I wasn't even in position,
but I happened to climb.

♪ Get in, get wins, get with it.

♪ All day, it pays,
I know I'm gonna get some. ♪