01x08 - When in Doubt, STFU

[bunniefuu]

On this episode of "So
Dumb It's Criminal,"

we run with a couple of
dumb-a*s perpetrators

who get exactly
what's coming to them.

We learn what not to do when
trying to make a getaway.

Want me to get you a shovel?

Am I being detained,
or am I free to go?

We get some blunt
legal advice...

And if detained,
what do you say?

That might keep your
dumb a*s off this show.

"Sir, I invoke the Fifth."

♪♪

Welcome to "So Dumb
It's Criminal,"

the show where you're guaranteed
to see lots of handcuffs,

wild police chases, and probably
someone who's butt-a*s naked.

Now, say "hello" to my
partner from the law offices

of the Dog father and
Associates, LLC...

Russell Peters,

And Lewis "I'm going to beat
your a*s with that" Belt.

[ Laughter ]

And here to help us out

is the woman who
brings the velocity

to all of these atrocities.

It's the keeper of the
clips, the lovely Tacarra.

Tacarra, what's good, baby?

Today, we're gonna
start the show

with some retribution
and some comeuppance.

I know that's not a
word. I made it up.

So, have you guys
ever done something

where you immediately
received some karma?

When I was younger,
I tried to steal

a kid's bag of
candies on Halloween.

- Mm-hmm.
- And I was on my bike.

And I tried to do
a drive-by swiping.

- Okay.
- And the kid hung onto the bag

harder than I could,
and I fell off my bike.

- Oh, man, that...
- What you call "bag-snatching."

- Yeah.
- Yeah. It was bag-snatching,

but I got my back snatched.

[ Laughter ]

- I got a similar story.
- Okay.

I stole... I stole some candy
on Halloween, and I fell.

- Okay.
- And everybody...

All the candy flew
on the ground,

and all type of sh*t.
I looked hell a stupid.

- Alright.
- Snoop, you got anything?

There was once a stranded
driver, a female driver,

on the side of the highway.

And her car was stranded,

and she needed to
get to a gas station.

So, I gave her a ride.

And then, she didn't want
to go to a gas station,

and I ended up taking
her to a hotel room.

And I got some good
karma out of that.

That's what we're talking about.

Now, I'm gonna show you

some bad people
receiving instant karma.

Check it out.

♪♪

Okay.

So, watch how this porch pirate

gets his a*s slapped
by the universe.

♪♪

- That's done. You're done.
- Oh, you know what?

That's in my hometown of
Brampton, Ontario, Canada.

- Mm-hmm.
- Really?

Yep.

Yeah.

I recognize the license plate,
the neighborhood, everything.

- Oh, he's stuck.
- Oh.

- Cops is coming.
- The cops is coming.

- He panicked.
- This is why...

This I why I say,

"dumb m*therf*ckers
don't need smart cars."

[ Laughter ]

This is the perfect example

of a dumb m*therf*cker
in a smart car.

I don't think that's
a smart car, though.

I think that's a small car.

[ Laughter ]

'Cause it looks kinda old.

It's just little,
like a smart car.

Look at this dumb m*therf*cker.

I wonder how his tires are still
spinning when nobody's in it.

- Thank you.
- The wheels are still spinning.

Look at this dumb m*therf*cker.

Man, the police are
on the way, man.

If he was to take off
running, he'd hit a fence.

The best sh*t you can do

is go apologize to the
man you just did...

"Man, I'm sorry, man.
I didn't mean it, man."

This m*therf*cker was
made for this show.

Want me to get you a shovel?

[ Laughter ]

Oh, he got caught.

He got arrested.

Get your b*tch a*s out
the car, m*therf*cker.

They didn't have
to block him in.

- He wasn't going nowhere.
- They just being nice.

What would you have
done in this situation?

I would have had
f*cking snow tires.

Okay. Okay.

I would have
apologized to the dude

I was trying to steal from,

and asked him could
I use his shovel,

'cause it just didn't make no
sense how stupid he looked,

just kept going back and
forth, in and out of the car,

trying to move the snow.

You one of the dumbest
m*therf*ckers of all time.

Matter of fact, I
want this m*therf*cker

in the Hall of Fame.

This is my first inductee
into the m*therf*cking.

Snoop Dogg Dumb
Criminal Hall of Fame.

This m*therf*cker, right
here, just made it.

Yeah, I don't think we're gonna
see nobody dumber than him.

I think what's funny is
the tire kept spinning.

The sh*t in "drive."

He ain't even scared that
it's gonna go nowhere.

It... it's... I can't.

Anyway, here's another package
thief who caught a bad break.

Look how she jogging
up to the door.

Right. She ain't got no bra on.

Her t*tties are
gonna knock her out.

- Yeah.
- Why ain't she got no bra on?

Oh! That... Oh,
homie, that's broke.

Something broke.

Ah!

Oh, yeah. Oh, it's twisted out.

See, I like how she's trying
to bang it to try to fix it.

Oh!

Oh, God, that's broken.

That thing's banging.

You see it hanging.

- b*tch, you still...
- And don't forget the package.

They together.

Oh, they a little
Bonnie and Clyde.

And he still took the package.

Oh, I liked them.

Yeah. You should be
limber enough to steal.

Right.

Now, that's karma
in its worst way.

She probably did trip
over her t*tties.

- That's what happened.
- Yeah.

She tripped over them
t*tties, for sure.

They're on their way to
the hospital right now

before they drop
the package off.

Matter of fact, he may just
drop her off at the hospital,

and then go drop the package.

I want to know if it was
Amazon, DHL, or FedEx.

[ Laughter ]

Lewis.

Hopefully, she just retire from
all of the scam and hustling.

Get some unemployment
money, or something.

Just chill back.

Mm-hmm.

Or, hopefully, she
sues the house.

That's what they do.

They hurt themselves for
doing something ill*gal

on your property, and
then, want to sue you

because I fell doing something.

Yeah, she gonna play victim.

People like that
gonna play victim.

- Not with that tape.
- "I was pushed."

Like, "No, we got the
camera, she was stealing."

Matter of fact, b*tch,
we've been looking for you.

- You're under arrest.
- As a matter of fact.

[ Laughter ]

Alright, guys, so,
this one goes out

to all the muggers out there

that think you're too
slick to get caught.

♪♪

So, he's trying to
jack homeboy over here.

And his friend pulls up on
a bike so they can escape.

Oh, he drew down on him?

Oh, he whipped out. He
got that thing on him.

Oh!

- Damn.
- Ooh, they mobbin'.

Wow!

Oh, this was like,
uh, a Warren G. Song.

- "Regulate"?
- Yeah, "Regulate."

He seen his boy.
He's like, "Oh."

[ Laughter ]

- Exactly.
- And you know what?

He's driving a Renault,

so they're somewhere in... in
f*cking France, or some sh*t.

Yeah, that's the European
version of "Regulate."

- European Regulate.
- That's exactly what it is.

They should have shot
his m*therf*cking a*s

for getting involved.

Y'all better help me.

Now, if it's a woman...

If it's a woman, we gonna help.

- Okay.
- It's different.

Now, we see a woman, you
know what I'm saying,

you know, being abused, or
being attacked by somebody...

- Mm-hmm.
- We naturally...

That's our instincts,
to do that.

Actually, I got a
story about somebody

getting whopped on
back in the day.

- Mm-hmm.
- He looked like he was

a crackhead, and there was
a couple of White dudes,

and they was whooping him.
They was whooping him good.

So, me and Warren G.
Started helping cousin.

And the dude we started
helping, he left,

and now, we in there, in a
real m*therf*cking fight.

Like, "hey, where this n*gga
at that we was helping?"

[ Laughter ]

So, that good Samaritan
sh*t can go bad,

'cause the m*therf*cking...

The m*therf*cking white
boy had me by my shirt.

And Warren G. Was like,
"Let my homeboy go.

Let my homeboy go."

And he wouldn't let me go.

So, Warren G. Grabbed a
big-a*s hot pot of coffee,

and bust him upside the head.

Boom!

Where'd he get a
pot of coffee from?

- We was in Denny's.
- Oh, y'all...

Oh, it was in Denny's.

[ Laughter ]

Hey, there's a lot of fights
that happen at Denny's.

And we got the hell
up outta there.

Them be your hardest fights,

the ones that wasn't
meant for you.

- Yeah.
- Them be your hardest fights.

Them the ones... That's
why I'm undefeated,

'cause I fight my fights.

I don't fight nobody
else's fights.

Alright, guys.

So, robbing a store
can be a team effort,

but one too many people
can be dead weight.

Did three m*therf*ckers
just jump off a motorcycle?

Oh.

He hit him with... He hit him...

He done f*cked his homeboy
up, with your dumb a*s.

Oooh.

Wow.

- It's the roll for me.
- It's the roll.

That's Dumb and
Dumber, right there.

It's the rolling for me.

- First of all...
- Dickhead became Brick head.

[ Laughter ]

"Come on. Get up."

He's probably like,
"Bro, you're hot.

I'm fittin' to leave y'all."

Look, look, look,
look, look, look, look.

And left him.

Wait. He knocked him out.

- Oh, yeah, with the brick.
- They were unorganized.

- He knocked him out.
- He's gonna beat his a*s

'cause he couldn't get
back on the motorcycle.

The homie drove off,
and left his dog a*s

- while he's still asleep.
- What did he hit him with?

- The brick.
- The brick.

The brick ricocheted
on his head.

- Oh, my goodness.
- That ain't no ricochet.

That m*therf*cker
went off his head.

- It hit him right in the head.
- It went straight to the back

of his m*therf*cking head.

Why are you the
only m*therf*cker

without a motorcycle helmet on?

[ Laughter ]

You should a been the
m*therf*cker throwing the rock.

He should a said,
"You know what?

I ain't got no helmet on, y'all.
I'm gonna throw the brick."

But no, you done took
your dumb a*s off first,

and now, you're
knocked out cold.

He's so rough! He done hit
his head twice, three times.

Look at his homie.

He knocked him back
out three times.

Yes. Yes.

- Look at his homie.
- "Man, get on this m*therf*cker,

so we can get out of
here. sh*t, I'm gone."

And that guy just looks like
a parking lot attendant.

It looked like they'd
had another weapon

besides that brick,
too, but they was bound

to get they a*s whooped
eventually, by somebody.

What are they trying
to break into?

Thank you.

What are they trying to
get into, here, because...

They done broke into his
head. That's all they did.

Well, it's time for
us to take a break.

Don't go away.

♪♪

♪♪

Alright, guys.

So, all heroes don't wear capes.

Some wear trucker
hats, dirty t-shirts,

and also unwashed capes.

They're the Criminal Kryptonite.

Oh, no, cuz, not the
Criminal Kryptonite.

Here's some advice
for car thieves...

Never try to steal a
car whose owner is also

the car's security system.

Oh, Lord.

♪♪

- Uh-oh.
- Ooh, he big.

Ooh!

- sh*t.
- Wow.

That fat m*therf*cker
is vicious.

But he clipped
him from the side.

- He did one of these.
- But that's a sweep.

That ain't no regular "come
out here and kick you."

That was some technique
to "I'll f*ck you up."

That's a soccer kick,
is what that was.

Damn.

He hit his face,
too, on the car.

He kicked him like
a big-a*s kid.

Go. Like, I would have left.

I'm not gonna stand there, and
have a conversation with you.

- You kicked me in the face.
- No, I was just trying

to clean your lock with my key.

[ Laughter ]

He thought he was
getting jumped.

He kicked that
n*gga out his shoes.

That n*gga said, "Man, can
I just get my shoes back?

My flip flops?"

What's more embarrassing
is how sh*t the car is.

That's just like a criminal with
low self-esteem, right there.

He didn't know whose
car he was stealing,

'cause I'm pretty sure
if he would've been like,

"Hey, you know that's my car?"

He would've been like, "My
fault, player, big man."

"Big man, my man."

He wouldn't have
never got kicked,

- you know what I'm saying?
- Alright.

Snoop, somebody trying
to steal your car?

Ah. I wouldn't have
my car like that.

I... I don't do sh*t like that.

I lock my car every time
I go in the gas station.

I even lock it when I'm driving

through White
communities at night.

Driving through Beverly Hills,

and I see people
jogging, I hit my lock,

and I hold my
steering wheel tight.



This next guy proves
"Mission Impossible"

chase scenes aren't
as easy as they seem.

♪♪

Oh, it's gonna be bad.

It's gonna be m*therf*cking bad.

Yeah.

Oh!

Oh, my god.

Y'all think that was planned?

- No.
- I don't know.

It looked like it...
It was good, though.

He was on point.

That's "Mission Impossible,"

real Tom Cruise
thing, right there.

- That's instant karma.
- That guy adores him.

[ Laughter ]

You know they say, "objects in
the mirror appear stupider."

[ Laughter ]

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

- You hear it.
- Yeah, you hear it loud.

- It's a thud.
- It's so unexpected.

We thought another
car was gonna come.

We thought he was gonna get hit.

But no. When I see him run
with his hand like this,

I was like, "Oh, he's
gonna get outta here."

- Yeah, tracking it.
- But we know something bad

was gonna happen because
there was too much street.

It was just too much space.

Mm-hmm.

That's a freeway he running on.

Well, it wasn't free that day.

Now, it's the parkway.

He's parked his a*s right there.

He supposed to be running
off an exit if anything.

- Thank you.
- All right, guys, next up,

don't mess with the ladies
because you never know

when one of them turns out to
be an undercover wonder woman.

♪♪

[ Laughs ]

Boy, if you don't
give me my sh*t.

- Aw.
- Ooh. Ooh!

And give me my sh*t.

- She was hard for that.
- She literally kicked his a*s.

Uh-huh. The lady in the
back tried to help him.

She was like, oh, baby,
you fittin' to fall.

Hey, that was kinda sexy.

I'm like, hey, girl, what's up?

I see you just whooped his a*s.

[ Laughter ]

- And she little, too.
- He wasn't expecting that.

That was a good kick, too.

She probably been having
those moves and never used it

on somebody, and she
using it, it worked,

and it scared the
sh*t outta her.

- Why'd she run? Why'd she run?
- You don't run from that.

Hey, girl, you ever
whooped somebody's a*s?

Ooh, fast, like, ooh, child.
Whooped this m*therf*cker a*s.

Let me get up outta here. I
might go to jail for this.

[ Laughter ]

And finally, this dude in a mall

clearly wants to be a hero.

But crime fighting is
a young man's game.

♪♪

Ooh.

[ Laughing ]

This would be a
great commercial for

I've fallen and I can't get up.

[ Laughter ]

The funny part for
me was the get ready.

He was getting ready. He
like, yeah, yeah, I got him.

- That's what his a*s get.
- He was getting ready for it.

Dumb a*s. Now they got to focus

on your medical attention
while he getting away.

And pulled his whole
hip trying to be a hero.

Because Cuz regain his
balance after he ran, too.

That m*therf*cker, ah,
ta, ta, ta, ta. I'm out.

See, what you didn't know
was that he was on a date,

and he was trying to
show the young lady

that he could protect
her. You feel me?

- I was just finna to say that.
- He was trying to impress.

And now, even though he
didn't stop the dude,

she going to be
like, "Oh, my god."

Yeah, but you know
what nobody noticed?

In the window of
that store... Jesus.

[ Laughter ]

Look at that. Jesus just
pops up in the window.

Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

I told you m*therf*ckers
to mind your business.

That's 'cause he
thought it was his time.

He was all, he ain't
going to make it.

- Let me go get him.
- Look at God.

- God said, you ready to go?
- All right, one second.

If you were in a mall and
something was happening,

like would you get involved?

I'll help women and kids.

But if a man got a
problem with another man,

that's man-to-man business.

- Okay.
- I was raised by OGs, not IG.

- Okay.
- So, I ain't going to pull out

my phone or I ain't
going to get involved.

Okay. [ Laughs ] Russell?

Well, I actually had it happen
to me about a year-and-a-half...

- Mm-hmm.
- Two years ago.

I was at my friend's
jewelry store in New York.

A dude tried to rob the jewelry
store while I was in there.

- Mm-hmm.
- And thank... thank you,

jiujitsu, I got him in an
arm bar and he stopped.

- Are you for real?
- Russell, I love you.

But I can't believe you
did that. I want to see it.

Check this out.

Russell, we want you to
talk us through it, man.

- Let's do this.
- That's me in the red hood.

Sorry about the red, cuz.

It's all good.

So, I'm standing there,
and this guy decides

he's going to walk out of
the store with $150,000 ring.

And the guy in the
yellow-and-white jacket

is my cousin, but
he's really soft,

so he ran into a corner.

[ Laughter ]

He was like, oh!

And then that's my friend's
father and he took a swing.

That's when I jumped in,
I'm like, hey, m*therf*cker,

you ain't going to hit
my friend's father.

And then this guy
gets in the way 'cause

I was about to put him
in a rear naked choke.

But he didn't need to 'cause
you had it under control.

Yeah, I would have had him
in the choke right away.

And then he starts
wrestling with the guy,

and I'm like, why don't
you step back, I got this.

Russell was like, oh, man,

I been waiting my
whole life for this.

[ Laughter ]

They kinda got him down,
then I got his arm, bam.

Oh, that's that... That's
that UFC sh*t there.

Oh, he quit after that.

He's f*cking up the arm 'cause
I'm like, get off the arm,

I'm trying to get
my arm on the arm.

I've been wanting to try this
motherfuckin' jiujitsu move

on some m*therf*cking body.

What, you wanting to try it
with somebody? Do it again.

- This m*therf*cking jiujitsu.
- [ Laughter ]

That's actually almost
what an arm bar looks like.

That m*therf*cker can't be...

You be looking for
some sh*t to tap, like,

get this m*therf*cker off me.

As soon as I locked
it, he goes, okay!

[ Laughter ]

It always feel good to
whoop somebody's a*s

and get praised for it.

It do. Especially when
you got it on video.

That's the sh*t I'd be playing
when m*therf*ckers come over

to my house for the first time.

m*therf*cker walk in the living
room, I'd be like, what's that?

Oh, that ain't
sh*t. [ Laughter ]

Is that you putting
that m*therf*cker in...

Bring that back, Dogg.

Oh, now, that's when I
was at the jewelry store

sh*t hanging out,
m*therf*cker...

The cops need a little help.

His arm was like this. I
could a snapped it back.

Yeah, I did.

[ Laughter ]

Stay right where you at.

We'll be right back with
more "So Dumb It's Criminal."

♪♪

Welcome back.

So, whenever we got a legal
itch that needs to be scratched,

these are the guys that we call.

Here they are right about now.

The marijuana business and
criminal defense lawyers,

Craig and Mark Wasserman
aka The Pot Brothers at Law

aka the cold m*therf*ckers
that know how to get you

outta sh*t 'cause they
got the colds, you dig?

Mark and Craig, Pot
Brothers at Law.

It is shut the f*ck up Friday.

And today we want to concentrate
on shutting the f*ck up

when cops ask questions,

learning the script, and never,
ever consenting to a search.

Am I being detained
or am I free to go?

And if detained,
what do you say?

Sir, I invoke the Fifth.

- And then what do you do?
- I shut the f*ck up.

- Never consent.
- Shut the f*ck up.

- Never consent.
- Shut the f*ck up.

Never consent.

- And shut the f*ck up.
- One, two. One, two.

We want to thank y'all for
being on the show today.

- How y'all doing, brothers?
- We are doing wonderful.

- Fantastic.
- Awesome.

So, when did y'all start
doing this type of sh*t as far

as like giving that
information out as far as what

and how to deal with
law enforcement?

Well, so me and my brother
have been practicing law,

he started in 1986,
I started in 1996.

And right away, I went
into criminal defense

helping cannabis patients
who were getting their rights

torn apart under Prop


And we needed to find
a way to teach people

how to shut the f*ck up.

- Wow. Okay.
- So, what is the script?

I want you to hit
me with the script.

- All right. The script.
- Here we go.

You ready, big brother?

What do you say when the cops
first come up and pull you over?

- Why'd you pull me over?
- And then when they start

asking questions,
what do you say?

I'm not discussing my day.

And they keep asking questions,
getting intimidating,

trying to scare the
sh*t out of you,

cussing at you, what do you say?

Am I being detained
or am I free to go?

And if detained,
what do you say?

I invoke the Fifth.

And then, Snoop, what do you do?

You shut the f*ck up.

[ Laughter ]

- That's it. Simple.
- 25 simple words.

- It's your constitutional rights.
- Stay out of trouble.

I don't think
that's going to work

for a lot of black
people, though.

We still get our a*s whooped
if that, you know, you do that.

Okay. I can address that

because we get this
question all the time.

Come on now.

The script is not there for
you to not get arrested.

It's not there to make sure you
don't get charged with a crime.

It's not there to make sure
the cops don't beat your a*s.

It's not there to make
sure they don't k*ll you.

And, unfortunately, all that
sh*t happens at traffic stops.

- Right.
- And so, what we're teaching,

the script, based on
your constitution right,

is the way to preserve all
of your rights, remedies,

and defenses,

afterwards, if you have
to go to criminal court

to defend yourself,

or you have to go to civil
court and you get money.

I like y'all plan
because in so many words,

let me talk to my n*gg*s
in the hood real quick.

What he's saying is your
story will stay the same

because you stuck to the script.

It can't change when you
get to this police station

and then get to court.
It's got to stay the same.

But what did my...
My client didn't say

a m*therf*cking word.
He shut the f*ck up.

I do the talking
because I'm the lawyer.

And you have a better
chance of winning

when that lawyer
is speaking for you

as opposed to you putting sh*t

in that report that can
come back and bite you

because words that
you say can come back

to be used against you in
the court of law. You dig?

And they will be used
against in the court of law.

- See how he said will be?
- I said can.

He said will be. He came
with that lawyer sh*t.

- Oh, no, they will be.
- That's what they say.

You can and will
be... I said they can,

but he put the lawyer
sh*t, oh, no, they will be.

- Yeah.
- And they will.

If you just don't
say anything, I mean,

you have good chances
that you might be let go.

We get DMs on IG from black
people all over the country,

even the south, saying
this worked, you know.

Really?

Well, that first
line of the script,

why did you pull me
over, a lot of people...

And I'm not discussing my day...

We can't ask that
question. [ Laughter ]

First of all, our hearts
beating fast as a m*therf*cker.

We trying... we done
put our seat belt on,

and we just looking at
the m*therf*cker like,

I hope this m*therf*cker...
Reading the Bible.

- And you know what?
- Ready to call your mama.

You know I got my mother
on the phone, right?

I'm not discussing my
day is just as well.

What the script
does, it flushes out

who's the good cop,
who's the bad cop.

- I like that.
- What are they going to do?

Because the cop who
understands you got rights,

and they're not out there
looking to bust somebody.

Yeah, especially if there's
no warrant for your arrest.

This is for a basic traffic
stop that we're speaking of.

We're speaking on procedure.

If it's a basic traffic stop
and you follow this script,


home or when you get to court,

you'll have a script that
supports you're in the right

and they're in the wrong.

That's all it is.
Simple and plain.

- That's right.
- That is correct.

Y'all need to hire me on
your all lawyer team, man.

f*ck all that. Put me down, man.

You're on, man.

I smoke weed and
I know this sh*t.

Got y'all a hood translator.

Let me... let me give
it to the brothers

information like a translator,

like, you know, they
have the sh*t in Spanish

on the bottom, the
whoopty-wop-boo-boo-bop.

Let me be the one
for the brothers

so that way they understand
what's happening.

The Weed Brothers
with a weed brother.

[ Laughter ]

The Weed Brothers
with a weed brother.

- Hello.
- There we go.

- I like that.
- We like it, too.

- I'm not discussing my day...
- No, no matter what they say.

Tacarra, I want you to try that.

I'm not discussing my day.

Get your black a*s out the car.

[ Laughter ]

Okay. Then you comply
and shut the f*ck up.

And say, I invoke the Fifth.

So, so, when you
say... When they say

get out the car,
right... Get out the car.

- You don't get out the car.
- You just be like...

Oh, hell, no.

Whether you feel they have
the right to do it or not...

Uh-huh.

Is irrelevant at
that moment in time.

- Comply.
- Thank you.

- Complain later.
- Thank you. Comply.

Yeah.

And that's the goal is
to go home, you know.

- Yep.
- And you at home,

it's time for a smoke break.

Please make sure to come
back 'cause we got something

that you definitely
going to love to see.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

- Welcome back.
- Give it up for Mark and Craig,

the Pot Brothers aka
the Weed Brothers

with their new weed
brother, you dig?

- There we go.
- I like that...

That natural like flow
conversation we was just having

because this is very
helpful to dumb criminals.

Facts. Yeah, that's real sh*t.

You have to look at
this aspect of the show.

Maybe this show, this week,
is more driven towards

the conversation of helping
out the dumb criminal.

- Educating.
- Yes. Information is key.

That's what my kid said
'cause we come from way back

when weed wasn't so legal.

And we would tell him,

all his friends,
tell their friends.

And that's why I said
you need to do this

and do it on Instagram.

And they all stayed out of jail

and run big cannabis
businesses now.

So, you're saying,
if the police say

they smell weed in the car,

they don't have the right
to search it no more.

- Not in California.
- Not in California.

That's crazy.

Unless they develop
independent probable cause.

That's why you don't say sh*t.

Because whatever you
say, they will flip it.

Stick to the script
like they say.

The words in that
script really matter

because now they have to
do more investigating,

that ain't they
job to investigate.

Yeah.

They ask me what's in my
trunk and all that sh*t.

n*gga, what's in my
trunk is in my trunk.

- That's right.
- Right.

And we get hit up by
officers all over the country

actually thanking
us for the script

because it keeps them safe.

It deescalates it
before it escalates.

And it lets them know that you
are knowledgeable of your rights

and you do have
action and a lawyer.

Wow.

We've been getting them
dismissed for years.

Don't let them trick you into
consenting. Never consent.

So, that means we don't have
to be dumb criminals anymore.

You just need to
shut the f*ck up.

- Just shut the f*ck up.
- Yeah.

No matter what you're doing.

Whenever I get what... What's
that... what do I smell?

I'm like, I apologize.

[ Laughter ]

Sorry about that.

Some real sh*t, I
got to share this

with you just 'cause there are
some great police officers.

- Yes.
- Absolutely.

So, I'm driving one day,

and I normally ride with
my security in the van.

But today I want to drive
my car, my little, you know,

whoo whop, so, I'm
driving, and security's job

is to be the buffer between me
and anybody getting behind me.

I don't give a f*ck
if it's the police.

Nobody's supposed to
get behind me but you.

This m*therf*cker's just driving

and let the police
just get behind me.

And I'm smoking
like a broke stove.

And I see him behind me,
so I'm like, still smoking.

That n*gga put
their lights on me.

I'm like, I ain't got no cologne
that's going to get this f*ck...

He's just going to have
to deal with this sh*t.

So, I pull over.

And the m*therf*cking police
officer walked to my window.

And I rolled the window down
and smoke just do this sh*t.

[ Laughter ]

- Hit him right in the face.
- He do like this.

He said, "Have a good
day, Snoop Dogg."

That's dope.

You know what I'm talking about?

That's a good cop.

- That's a great cop.
- I wish I knew his f*cking name.

Officer Herb.

Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,

that's it for our show.

I'd like to thank my guests,
Russell m*therf*cking Peters,

and Lewis I'll beat
your a*s with that belt.

And the Pot Brothers at law.

And I gotta give it up

for the keeper of the
clips, the lovely Tacarra.

And don't be dumb, but
if you decide to be,

make sure it's not
criminal or your a*s

is going to be on
this show. See ya.

- Yeah.
- Y'all got real game, man.