01x07 - Episode 7

[bunniefuu]

[ROMANTIC PIANO MUSIC]

[JACK KISSING SHIV'S NECK]

What's that?

I've always had that.

Have you?

I never noticed.

[JACK KISSING SHIV]

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

What?

Is she okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, of course.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Okay, okay, bye.

What happened? [JACK:]

That was Caroline.

Kristen's in the hospital.

What?

She started bleeding.

Oh my god.

f*ck, f*ck. f*ck!

Wait, I'll come

with you. No, no!

It's okay.

See ya.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[DOOR OPENS]

Can't believe there's

no shower in there.

You said it was too expensive and

I must use the one in the house.

Oh.

When was the last

time you hoovered?

Dad!

Sticky. Yeah.

That'll be all the semen.

Your mother hasn't been in

the kitchen all morning.

Maybe she got lucky last night.

Think I could sneak

over for a wash?

[ANT: ]Sure.

What if she's there?

ANT: She's not there by

now, she's not there.

She's probably over

at Aunty Rita's.

Okay. I'll risk it.

You wouldn't have a towel?

Thanks.

[DOOR UNLOCKS AND OPENS]

[DOOR SHUTS]

What's going on?

Where have you been?

At a friend's.

What's that?

It's a casserole.

Ahem, right well, I think

we have everything we need.

Really? Are you sure?

We'll file the report

and be in touch.

What report? What's happened?

Aren't you taking this?

Oh, we can't take food.

I'm trying to go vegan.

As evidence.

To run tests on or

whatever, at the lab?

I don't think that's necessary.

He put something in it!

Mum Don't Mum me!

He's trying to poison me!

Why else would he

use a Le Creuset?

People always use the good stuff

when they're up to the bad!

Everybody knows that!

When will I hear from you?

Are you going to?

Oh

Oh my f*cking Jesus!

What's happening?

Dad! What are you

doing here, Tom?

I was going for

Why are the guards here?

Are you alright?

She was concerned about Pam.

Pam? That's what

this is all about?

Pam?

For god's sake, Bernie,

she's just on her holidays!

In Mallorca!

And take your f*cking slippers!

[DOOR OPENS]

She needs more time.

Cup of tea?

How about some breakfast?

Eggs?

Probably tired, after

all that excitement.

I'm not one of your patients.

You don't have to

use that voice.

What voice.

That irritating voice.

Mum!

I've just spent the night

listening to her go on

about a f*cking casserole

and that's the thanks I get.

Err

What happened?

She thinks her neighbour's

trying to k*ll her.

I meant with Kristen.

How do you know about Krist?

You were with him.

Is the baby okay?

Caroline

Yes. The baby's fine.

They've kept her

in for observation.

And is, err, Jack still

is he still with her?

Jesus.

You're more delusional

than our mother.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR] [ANT:] Mum?

Are you okay?

I was calling you last night.

Sorry, yeah. Things got

a bit intense at Mina's.

You were at Mina's?

Just for a bit. Not long.

Why?

I needed to talk to

Dad about something.

What?

Just, guy stuff.

Oh.

Do you think maybe you were

being a bit hard on him?

Like I'm not making up excuses,

but he thought you

wanted him to stay.

Oh, the poor man.

What an awful mix-up. Okay.

I know you're pissed off.

And you're right to be.

But, please let him

kip here for a few?

I don't want him in the house.

Mm-hmm.

So what?

He'll have to stay in my shed?

Well, given you two are so

close Oh come on Mum.

Will you let him shower?

No. Ten minutes!

No.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Is that the fella that was here?

No.

Do you like him?

What? No.

Why don't you call

him and ask him out?

Oh my god! Or send a text.

And say what?

Say err, Max, that's

his name, yeah?

Max I'm sorry I

acted like an arse.

Can I make up for it

and buy you a pint?

A pint? Yeah.

Could I say a c*ck?

Sure.

Nah, this is stupid!

I'm not doing it.

Ah, for god's sake

What are you doing?

I never understand

your generation.

Give me the phone.

Give me the phone.

[PHONE RINGING]

Give me the f*cking phone!

Err, hello. Is this Max?

Sorry, who is this?

Err, my name is Thomas Sheridan.

We haven't officially met.

[ANT:] Jesus! Oh my god

I believe you know

my son, Anthony,

from the estate agents.

[MAX: ]Err Yeah?

Well err, I'm ringing

on his behalf.

He's he's very, err, sorry

for err, the way he

behaved towards you.

You know, I know you

two were intimate

k*ll me, k*ll me!

I don't get into that

kind of stuff with

him, obviously

Is this a joke?

[TOM:] Oh god no!

No, he wants to take

you out and apologise.

Dad, hang up. Man to man.

Hang up now!

[MAX: ]Err, okay.

Listen, umm, tell

him I'll text him.

He does answer his

own texts, right?

He does, yeah. He does.

Yeah. Nice talking to you, Max.

He's gonna text.

Oh, god! Oh!

[PHONE RINGING]

[JACK VOICEMAIL:] Hey,

Jack Corcoran here.

Leave a message.

[BEEPING TONE]

[PHONE THUDS ON FLOOR]

Where do you think it's going?

With Jack.

Where do you actually

think it's going?

Can we just not right now?

He has done the same thing over

and over since you were 19.

He picks you up,

he's all intense

like you're the most

important thing in the world

and then he just Yeah well,

it's different now.

How is it different?

It's just a bit of Fun?

[SHIV:] Yeah.

Looks it. [PHONE PINGS]

Oh, Jack.

They've discharged her.

He's taking her home.

Guess that's one thing

off your conscience.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[PHONE BUZZING]

[DOOR OPENS]

I know you don't

want me in the house.

[DOOR CLOSES]

And, err, I won't stay.

Look, love

Don't call me love.

Do you think

maybe you should find

yourself a hobby?

Hmm, or a little job,

you know, part time.

You know, part time.

Not for the money.

Not for the money.

Just to take your

mind off things.

Off what things?

Off the fact I've been betrayed

by the person I trust

most in the world?

Or that my adult children

are losing the plot?

No, they're

they're not losing the plot.

You know, Ant is

very hospitable.

Oh. Are you gonna take

him too, and what?

Leave me here with Shiv

and all her bullshit?

Do you actually think

she's stopped drinking?

What do you mean?

[BERNIE:] We've never

been able to trust a word

that comes out of her mouth.

If Shiv wants to

carry on being a sad,

f*cked up failure,

well, that's her choice.

And do you know what?

I don't even care anymore.

She was only supposed to

stay for the f*cking weekend!

Yes, I know!

I know.

Do you want me to talk to her?

Tell her you need space.

No, just get out, will ye?

Could I nip down the

hall and grab a jumper?

[WINE POURING]

[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]

Has she gone out again?

Everything okay?

Yeah.

Caroline said Kristen's fine.

Yeah. Thank god.

They thought it had to

do with the placenta

but she thinks she might

have just overdid it in yoga.

Too much downward dog.

Or something.

That's good.

So, I was wondering if maybe you

wanted to do something later.

I know you're with

Kristen now but

I've had such a shitty

day with my family.

I could really

do Your family?

Jesus Shiv, there's a

lot more important things

going on than your

f*cking family.

I mean Kristen

nearly lost our baby.

You said it was downward dog.

I can't deal with this now.

I was just looking

I've my own family

to think about, okay?

What do you want

me to do for you?

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

[SHIV SOBBING]

[FRIDGE DOOR OPENS]

What are you doing?

Getting supplies for me and dad.

What if there is

something in it?

I'll let him try it first.

What kind of eejit

leaves his wife

without warning his mistress?

Straight men are clueless.

[CARO: ]Yeah.

Speaking of.

[RORY:] You didn't

come home last night.

Yeah, sorry.

It was a weird evening.

I thought you were avoiding me.

[CARO:] No, no, no.

I'm worried I freaked

you out yesterday

Do you want to marry me?

Yes! Oh, my god.

No, like really?

Yes, really. More than anything.

Cause the way you were

talking yesterday,

it seems like you

want to have sex with

a lot of other people.

Only if you're there too!

I don't want to sneak around

behind each other's

backs or anything.

No.

But if we're going to

have any sort of marriage,

we need to be able

to talk about this.

I know.

I was just trying to

tell you what I'm into.

But it doesn't mean you

have to be into it too.

I am into it.

Not the Lycra thing or the

clowns but the threesome stuff,

maybe I could get on board with.

Really?

Great.

[AUGHS ]That's great.

Should we sign up to

like an app or?

I think we should have

sex with each other first.

Yeah. Warm up.

There's a bed here.

Okay, so

Who do you want

to watch me with?

Umm Who do you want

me to watch you with?

A guy or a girl?

Open to both. Okay.

Who have you fantasized

about watching me with?

Umm

Do you want to see a

photo of Miss Riordan?

Sure. Okay.

No, that's won't work for me.

No, sorry. Err, the

lads at the track?

Yeah, let's try that. Okay.

Him?

Oh, he's attractive.

Isn't he?

Okay, so umm

What's he gonna do to me?

Err, firstly, umm

Oh, for god's sake. He

can do whatever he wants.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[DOOR OPENS]

Hiya! Is Shiv here?

Err, no, she's, uh

And you are?

Karen. I'm a friend.

From town.

Could I wait inside?

We've a bit of

business to settle.

Sure.

[KAREN: ]Thanks.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Mum!

Have we any clean sheets?

[SCREAMING:] Get out!

[ANT LAUGHS]

Oh!

[KAREN: ]Lovely house.

Small for the price though.

I googled the area

before I came out, mad.

But lovely.

Yeah, thanks.

Are you selling drugs

to our daughter?

What? Is 'friend

from town' a code?

No! Jesus, just cause

I'm from the North side!

[DOOR SLAMS] Shiv!

Your friend's here from town.

What friend?

Karen, what are you doing here?

Well, you're not

answering me calls.

Are you alright?

You look a bit

Is he back in the house?

I'm making sure your

mother's alright.

Course she's not alright.

She's stuck here with me.

The sad, f*cked up failure

who was only going to

stay for one weekend.

What?

Do you want to go for a coffee?

I heard what you said

about me earlier.

Oh, did ye?

Oh

Right.

Well, you know what, maybe

you needed to hear it.

Maybe it's about time

we all stop pussyfooting

around your hypocrisy

and tell it like it is.

What, that you

don't want me here?

That you bring darkness and

destruction everywhere you go!

Ah, Bernie It's true!

She's a magnet for it.

What's all the shouting?

Everything was fine.

We were fine,

We were fine, until you came home

with all your recovery bullshit!

Until you came home with

all your recovery bullshit!

All your lies!

Talking everything out!

Everybody saying what they feel!

Does it make anyone

feel any better,

all this f*cking talking?

Does it?

I lost my son!

You didn't lose your son.

You didn't lose Carl.

He k*lled himself.

He was in pain, and none of

us saw, and he k*lled himself.

That's the truth.

[SHOUTING: ]That's on us!

There's no getting away

from that one, Bernie!

I don't have to listen to this.

No! Have another drink instead!

What? Bernie.

Bernie!

What the f*ck, Shiv?

Bernie, will ye

stop. Leave me alone!

You don't care about

me! [GLASS SMASHES]

Bernie, come back in!

The neighbours can see! Come on!

None of you see me!

I'm invisible, like

every other woman my age!

[CAR SMASHES INTO BERNIE]