01x08 - The Todd Capsule

[bunniefuu]

- You know--you know,

a lot of people said

we'd never beat Valley,

but we proved them

wrong tonight!

[cheers and applause]

For the past 15 years,

I thought

I needed to save this team,

but, well, the truth is,

the one

who really needed saving,

you know who he was?

He--

- What's up?

We're back.

[cheers and applause]

- Me. It was me.

- I didn't know you guys

were coming.

- Oh, it's homecoming weekend.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- Yeah.

- Wish we could have

seen the game,

but on the way here

we had sex in the limo.

- We got a flat tire.

- Mm.

- Come on, come on,

let's sit down, you guys.

Let's sit down.

- Oh, look at this.

- Wow.

- It's so great to be back.

- Oh, I have so many fond

memories of this place.

I mean, this is where

I was crowned homecoming queen.

- And where Casey Kasem

kept hosting those

nationally televised

dance contests for some reason.

- Guys, we can talk about

old times all day,

but I wanna hear what's new.

Come on, Governor Preppie.

Tell us what it's like

running California.

- Well,

I met with a seismologist

who said our next earthquake

will be

an extinction-level event.

Everyone who survives

will wish they had died.

- Hey, remember when we dressed

Screech up as an alien?

- Oh, totally.

- That was the best.

[school bell rings]

- When I wake up

in the mornin'

An alarm gives out

a warnin'

I don't think

I'll ever make it on time

By the time I

grab my books

And I give myself a look

I'm at the corner

just in time

To see the bus fly by

It's all right,

'cause I'm saved by the

It's all right

'Cause I'm saved by the

It's all right

'Cause I'm saved

by the bell

- As you know, every year

we throw a big homecoming

fundraiser in the gym.

But tonight's event will be

an even bigger deal than usual.

I have just received word

that in attendance

will be the First Lady

and the governor of California.

Again, the governor--

- Mac's dad? Big deal.

- My dad's also coming.

- I don't care about

your dad, Spencer.

I only care about

Zack and Kelly, okay?

Let's move on

to the volunteer assignments.

I'm gonna need a couple

of folks to work valet.

That looks like Braden

and Aisha and Jamie.

- All right.

Can we get vests?

Ooh, what if my arms get cold?

Can our vests have arms?

- Also, we're gonna need

volunteers

to man the mashed potato bar.

Nadia, Devante, and we're also

gonna need volunteers

for fundraising to help Lexi.

- Thank you, Ron.

- A speech is not necessary.

- We will be collecting

donations for

the Bayside Enrichment Fund.

The PTA uses this money to make

Bayside better for all of us

by purchasing things like new

computers and breast reductions

for the lunch ladies.

I will require a fleet

of dedicated minions

who are immune to verbal abuse.

Sowho's in?

Any volunteers?

Anyone?

I just need one person.

So no one's gonna

raise their hand?

- Lexi. Hey, Lexi.

Why don't you want my help?

- Oh, it's nothing personal.

I just think you'll be bad

at fundraising because

of who you are as a person.

- Um, I'll have you know

I sold the most candy bars

for my YMCA summer camp,

and the box they gave me

was, like all plains,

no crunchies.

- Listen, Bayside fundraising

is a different animal.

Sucking up to rich people,

hiding how you really feel

about them--

that's not exactly your thing.

- Hey, there, how's

my fundraising star doing?

- Great,

Mrs. Huntington-Snell.

We're gonna beat last

year's record--I just know it.

- Mm.

[chuckles]

- [speaking Spanish]

- Daisy.

- What?

She doesn't know what I said.

- Yes, I do.

I studied abroad

in "Barthelona."

[Lexi giggles]

- Look, we both know

Jade sucks,

but we need her and the other

alumni's money for the school.

- That just doesn't seem right.

Like my abuela always says,

if you lie in bed with snakes,

don't be surprised

when you get bit.

- Well, take it from someone

who was bitten by a snake

while making

a Britney Spears TikTok.

This is how it works.

You need to kiss a*s

to get rich people's money,

and I knew you couldn't do it,

'cause you have "morels"

or whatever.

- Morals?

- Is that how you say it? Ew.

- No,

if the school needs money,

I'll help you get it,

whatever it takes.

- Okay, fine.

Welcome aboard.

Don't wear that.

- So last night was fun.

- Yeah, just like old times,

except, like, not fun.

- And really not like

old times.

Why was it so weird?

- Huh.

- Were we being too sexy?

- Oh, we're always too sexy.

And did you feel like Slater

kept taking

little jabs at me,

like calling me

Governor Preppie and bragging

about not having a dad bod.

I mean,

I have a single man bod, right?

- Honey, you were voted

second-hottest governor

in America after

Michigan's Gretchen Whitmer.

And also, did you notice

that Jessie kept going on

and on about her books

and didn't ask me one question

about my business?

I bet she thinks it's stupid.

- Uh, how can it be stupid?

It came to you in a dream,

and your psychic said

it was rad.

- You know, enough negativity.

We got all of the awkwardness

out of the way.

I bet tonight

is gonna be great.

- Man, it is so hot when

you're cheerful and optimistic.

I'm so glad

you're the only woman

I've ever been with

in my entire life.

- Oh.

- Okay, I've got it,

the perfect homecoming prank.

No, I would have to move

the whole school 5 feet

to the left,

and I don't have time for that!

Why can't you think of a prank,

Little Mac, you hot loser?

Argh.

- Hey, pal, you ready to go?

both: Whoa, you look amazing,

and your hair is fire.

- It's awesome you're here

for homecoming, Dad.

- Oh, I know.

I miss you so much.

Sacramento sucks.

I wish the capital

could be somewhere cool

like Malibu or the Grove.

- I miss you too. It's hard

[phone chiming]

- Ugh, give me two seconds.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

Well, how are the mudslides

still out of control?

Can't we just dry them up

or something?

I don't know, with

like a million hair dryers.

I'm not a scientist, Roy.

Okay. Keep me posted.

Roy.

- Roy.

- Right?

- Right.

- Ugh.

You know, when I was your age,

my biggest problem

was choosing which prank

to pull for homecoming.

- Yeah, I feel that.

- So you got something good

planned for tonight?

- I was actually thinking,

what if I didn't

do a prank this year?

You know, 'cause everyone's

expecting me to do something,

and then if I don't

do anything,

that's the greatest prank

of all.

- Yeah, right.

That's what you said

before my inauguration,

and I ended up getting

sworn in with my hand

on a stack of "Playboys."

[laughter]

- Yeah.

- [laughs]

[upbeat jazzy music]

- So on Saturdays I do arms.

Now, people say to take

Sunday off as a recovery day,

but then again, most people

don't look like this.

What about you,

Governor Preppie?

You, uh, getting to the gym

much these days or what?

- Not really, you know,

'cause my schedule's

just so packed.

I mean, it's just too bad

the governor

doesn't get summers off.

- So you must be

pretty busy too, Kelly.

What's going on

with your new company?

- Well,

it's more of a wellness brand.

Our mission is to encourage

positivity through

manifestation

and actualized optimism.

- Oh, that's so cool.

So what is the company?

- Well,

it's more of a wellness brand.

It's called Dr. Happy, and--

- Wait.

Who's the doctor?

- Me. I'm a doctor of optimism.

- But you can't

call yourself doctor.

I mean, I'm a doctor,

but I got my PhD

in educational psychology.

- Actually, "doctor" is just

a label, like "all-natural."

Oh, did I mention

that we're actually selling

an all-natural

rejuvenation supplement?

Yeah, it's doctor

recommendedby me.

- Except "doctor"

is not just a "label."

It's a title that you earn

through years

and years of hard work.

- Now, this is what

I like to see,

the old g*ng

back together again.

Don't forget,

the alumni photo's at 10:00.

It's at 10:00,

so don't forget.

- We'll be there, Ron.

Don't worry.

Have you guys met before?

- Of course. Governor Morris,

so good to see you again.

Ron Toddman.

It's been a while.

You look great.

- Well, thank you, Mr. Toadman.

Uh, if you'll excuse me,

uh, I have to take a call.

- Ah.

Hi.

- I know that sounded

like a lame excuse, but

I also have to take a call.

- Wow,

what an amazing life story.

So you went from Bayside

to college to law school

to your uncle's firm?

- Mm-hmm.

- I have chills.

[record scratch]

- Time-out.

So I looked this dude up.

Apparently, he represents

ExxonMobil and tried

to sue the ocean

for diluting their oil.

But it's cool.

I can be nice.

- Like, they could make a movie

about your life, right, Daisy?

Who do you think could play

Mr. Winston in a movie, Daisy?

- I don't know, like,

white Shrek?

- Excuse us.

What the hell?

We're never gonna reach

our fundraising goal

if you keep serving

savage burns like that.

- I'm sorry, but I don't think

we should have to kiss up

to some evil creep

just 'cause he donated$30?

Are you kidding me?

You're a millionaire,

and you write a check for $30?

- I was always planning

on giving more.

It's not because

I overheard anything.

This is not a tear.

I just spilled

a drop of clear juice.

- Um, do you understand

what just happened?

- No, but I rarely understand

rich people behavior.

- I thought the only way to get

people to open their wallets

was to make them

feel good about themselves.

I never considered

making them feel like trash.

Do it again.

Excuse me, sir,

would you like to contribute

to the Bayside Enrichment Fund?

- We already gave.

- And how much did you spend

on your Christmas lights

this year?

- We'd love to give again.

- Did you hear that dig about

teachers having summers off?

- [scoffs]

He's got a lot of nerve.

I'm working every day

of the summer,

Monday abs,

Tuesday arms, Wednesda--

- I mean, I love Kelly,

but that business?

I don't think even

she knows what that is.

- Screech is so lucky

he and Kevin

get to live on

the International Space Station

so he doesn't have to deal

with all this.

- I hate to say it, but Zack

and Kelly have changed.

They're so self-absorbed now.

- Well,

I guess that's what happens

when you move to Sacramento.

You go Hollywood.

- It makes me sad.

I just want it

to be like old times.

- Well, unfortunately,

it can't,

not unless you have

a time machine.

- Slater, that's it.

You're a genius.

- I'm really not.

I've been taking

this Ukrainian protein powder

that I just found out

ensmallens your brain.

- Our class time capsule,

let's dig it up,

and then the four of us

can go through it together,

and maybe it'll give us

a chance to remember

why we were friends

in the first place.

- Are we sure we shouldn't just

swipe some beers

and hang out

in my office instead?

I just got the Lakers' version

of Monopoly.

I'll go get my shovel.

Oh, my God, look,

somebody's already here.

Come on, let's go.

I wanna get the time capsule,

but it's not worth our lives.

- Oh, it's just Zack and Kelly.

Stop hiding behind me.

- Oh, hey.

- What are you guys doing here?

- I think the same thing

you are.

all:

Trying to go back to the time

when we were all best friends!

- Hey.

Huh.

- Look at this pager.

Oh, that mixtape's b*mb.

- Zack, you saved my life

that night.

I will be celebrating 30 years

caffeine-free this April.

I would love for you

all to be there.

- Oh, we wouldn't miss it.

- Oh, my gosh, you guys,

remember?

- No.

- You guys put on "Swan Lake,"

'cause that was the only way

I could graduate.

Wait, why was it the only way

I could graduate?

- And you remember this?

You guys helped my grandfather

save his Hawaiian hotel.

- Yes.

- Oh.

You guys, let's go

to Hawaii this year together.

- Oh.

- Love that.

- Awesome.

- Oh, I didn't even see this,

you guys.

Oh, little note,

"For Slater, love,

your best friend, Preppie."

You were always doing stuff

like this, man,

surprising me with little gifts

you knew I'd adore.

- Was I? 'Cause that

doesn't really seem

like something I would do.

Oh-h*-h*-h*, okay.

Oh, that seems like

something I would do.

- Yeah.

[upbeat jazzy music]

- Whew.

- Hey, Van,

you're a straight sh**ter.

Can I ask you a question?

- Not my nickname, and I'm kind

of in the middle of something.

- Oh, it'll be quick,

but two moments of your time.

Do you think the reason

I have pranker's block

is because of some deep,

underlying emotional issue,

or is the muse just being coy?

- Oh, the muse one.

- But here's the weird thing.

I pulled

an awesome prank yesterday.

I have a delicious one planned

for tomorrow,

and yet tonight

my dad is here--unrelated--

and I can't think of one.

Why?

- So I don't have time to go

on a "Field of Dreams"

white boy journey

with you right now,

so I'm just gonna say it, cool?

It's your dad.

Yeah, man,

like basically everyone else,

you have some weird issues

with your pops.

Now excuse me.

- Oh, wow, Mason.

Have you been working out?

- I have not.

- Damn it.

- Why would you say that

about my dad?

- Oh, damn it.

- How can he be the problem?

He's never around.

You're wrong, Te.

- Another nickname

no one has ever called me.

- I gotta go, but only because

my pranker's block is cured,

not because

anything you said was true.

- What the hell, man?

You poisoned me.

Oh, my God, this tastes

just like the protein powder.

My brain can't get

any more ensmallened.

I can't believe you did this.

- Oh, well, I didn't do it.

18-year-old me did it.

- You know what?

You were selfish then,

and you're even selfisher now.

- Slater,

that's not really a word.

- Don't correct his grammar.

What are you,

a word doctor now too?

- A word doctor?

You mean philologist?

- Oh, shut up.

You guys have become

so self-involved.

- Weare self-involved?

Oh, please, all you do is brag

about your book,

and all he does is brag

about his body.

- No, no, no, no, no, don't

try to turn this around on us.

You ruined my tux,

and by the way,

this is John Cena

for David's Bridal.

- Yeah, we're not selfish.

You're selfish.

- No, you're selfish.

- And you are the selfishest.

- You are selfish.

Oh, you are selfish.

- Shut up. Shut up.

Shut up!

You're all selfish!

None of you--

not one of you remembers me,

even though

I went to school with you.

- What? No, you didn't.

- Yes, I did.

Slater, I've worked with you

for 15 years.

Not once did you look me

in the eye and just remember

your old high school bud,

Ron-Ron Toddman.

And then you started

working here, and I thought,

"Well, this is it.

Jessie's a good person.

She'll remember me, surely,"

but no!

And then tonight,

like an idiot,

I got my hopes up

one last time.

I thought, "If the g*ng's

all together, well, then

there's certainly something

that will spark their memory."

We would take

the alumni photo together,

and then we would all laugh

about what a funny

misunderstanding this was.

But of course

that didn't happen,

because the only thing you four

care about is yourselves!

- Wait. Were you Belding?

- No, I was a cool teen,

just like you.

- Wait a minute.

Is the gossip really true?

You and Slater are--

dare I say the word--a couple?

- Well, yeah, kinda-sorta.

- This is so exciting.

- Hey, guy.

- Got some good stuff here.

- Oh, hey, thanks, man.

- Nobody told me

this was a drugs party.

- Here, Kel, take a hit.

- Kelly, don't do it.

It's not who we are.

Kelly!

[upbeat electronic music]

You guys look great!

- Zack and Kelly,

two people destined

for each other.

- Mmm-mmm

- They deserve every happiness

in the world.

- Shh!

- Shh!

- Those are two of the finest

people I have ever known.

- Oh, no, Ron-Ron

- Oh, boy.

- Were you at our wedding?

- Uh, yeah, I sure was.

Oh, and thanks for doing

a prank on Slater in my office.

I paid my own money

to get those windows cleaned.

- Mm.

- How could I have worked

with Toddman for so long

and not remembered him?

And this is less important,

but someone please tell me

we don't look the same age.

- Maybe he's lying.

I mean, are we sure

this isn't some kind of trick?

- I know who we can ask.

Come here.

- Hi, guys!

- Lisa!

- Hey, Lisa.

- Hi.

- I hope we didn't wake you.

I know you're on Paris time.

- Oh, that's not a problem.

I do all my fittings

in the morning,

because the models are quiet

and hungover.

What's up?

- Hey, listen,

do you remember a guy

from high school

named Ron Toddman?

- Ron-Ron Toddman?

Of course.

I love that guy.

How's he doing?

- Uh, yeah, not great.

Uh, he sort of hates us,

'cause we kind of forget

he existed.

- You all forgot him?

Jessie, he saved your life

when you ran your ATV

into the ocean.

- My God.

- Yes.

- Oh, God.

Maybe we are kind of selfish.

- Well, you guys are gonna have

to find a way

to make it up to him.

[door opens]

I've got to go.

My lovers are waking up.

Au revoir.

all: Au revoir.

- Oh.

- Oh, man, we--ooh,

we really suck.

- So, uh, you ever been

to a movie?

- What? Say it again?

- Nah, it's just, like,

you know, what kind of movies

you be at, though?

- I'm so sorry.

I still don't understand you.

- Nah, just, like--

- Guess what.

- Thank God.

- I rigged that giant pot

of gravy above the stage.

- Say what?

- When my dad takes his place

for the alumni photo,

I hit this little button,

and bam, gravy town, USA.

So by your logic, I obviously

don't have issues with my dad,

or else I wouldn't have been

able to pull off

this awesome prank. Right?

- Look, man,

I don't know you that well.

- Uh, that hurt.

I thought we were

really good friends.

- If you say you don't have

issues with your dad,

then maybe you don't,

but pranker's block or not,

if you want to spend

more time with him,

you--you have to ask him.

But I get it.

It's, like--it's scary,

and what if he says no?

- Yeah, it is scary

how consistently wrong

you've been about my problems.

- Okay.

I'm gonna go pour gravy

on my dad

and make everything better.

- Well, good luck.

- You actually don't say

good luck

in the prank community.

You say, "And a pie

in your face, my comrade."

- I'm not gonna say that.

- Well,

it'd be weird if you did.

You're not in the community.

- Kelly, I feel so bad.

- I know. I just remembered.

I think Toddman gave us

his grandmother's piano

as a wedding present.

- No, no, no, no,

about what I said to you.

You don't need a fancy degree

to help people.

Being a doctor has always

just been my thing,

and I think

I just felt threatened.

- Threatened by me?

Oh, Jessie,

you're the one who inspired me

to want a career

in the first place.

Whenever I have to

psyche myself up,

I read an excerpt

from your book,

"Too Tall to Fail."

- You do? Oh, Kelly.

Well, you're an inspiration

to me too.

You and Zack seem so happy.

I mean, you guys have really

figured it out. Rene and I--

- Is everything okay?

- Not really.

He admitted

in our last therapy session

that he was having

an emotional affair

with a character

from his novel.

I think she's pregnant now.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Yeah.

- And it must be especially

hard since you work here.

- Oh, no, I love working here.

I get to be close to Jamie

and help the kids.

- Oh, I just meant it must

be hard because Slater

is obviously

still in love with you.

- What? Wait, no.

You are--wait, no.

Say it again.

No, don't, don't.

- Do you think about him?

- Kelly, I'm married.

- Sodo you think

the boys made up?

- I don't know.

Those two have always

been competitive,

and it's harder for guys

to express their emotions.

- I just feel so bad

about Ron-Ron.

Oh, everyone should get

to have friends like I did.

- No, everyone should get

to have friends like you do.

- Friends forever?

- Friends for--oh, my God.

I think I know how

we can make it up to Ron.

- All right, look, we only have

this photographer

for ten more minutes,

so we just gotta get this done.

- Wait, wait,

there's four friends

you almost forgot about.

- That's right, Ron,

and we have a message for you,

a message about friendship

and the amount of time

that it lasts.

A-one, two, three!

all:

Friends forever

We'll be friends

both: We'll be friends

Talking about

all: Friends forever

- Hey! Stop it!

Stop singing!

What is this?

Look, I just wanted

to get one photograph

and to be acknowledged

as a human being.

Why are you doing this to me?

- We're just trying to say

we're sorry.

- So say sorry.

What's this song?

- You know, this is our

hit song from the famous

rock band we were in.

Oh, you know why

this means nothing to you

that I'm just realizing now?

Our band was only famous

in a dream that I had.

- Mm.

- Just get in the picture.

And now that you're wearing

these dumb costumes,

I can't even use this

in the brochure.

- Get ready, Dad.

- On the count of three,

one, two--

- Wait, wait, wait, hold on,

Ron.

Again, we are so sorry.

Why don't you come join us?

Come in this picture, pal.

- Yeah, yeah.

- You're part of this class.

Come on.

- Come on. Take my spot,

front and center. Come on.

- All right, fine.

- There we go.

- Oh, no, no

- One, two, three.

- Oh!

- Oh

[murmuring, giggling]

You

guys.

[laughs]

Was this whole night

you pranking me?

Oh, man,

you got me!

You--you really got me!

[laughter]

Wait, wait,

when did you realize who I was?

- We've known the entire time.

Friends forever.

- Man, it's great to be back

with the old g*ng.

- There he is.

k*ller prank, Mac.

I'm gonna try that

on my lieutenant governor.

Dude hates me so much.

- Thanks, Dad.

- Yeah.

Oh, Mom's gonna

take you home, okay?

I gotta get to the "choppa."

You okay?

- Hell, yeah. I just pulled

the prank of a lifetime.

- Yeah, you did.

That's my boy.

[chuckling]

- Hey, Dad.

- Yeah, son.

- Do you think

when you get back,

we could do a prank together?

I heard of this crazy one

where we take a baseball,

and I throw it into your hands,

and you throw it into mine,

and we do it

until it gets dark,

and then Mom's like,

"Come in for dinner, boys,"

and then we eat together

you know, like as a prank.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I like that.

A pie in your face, my comrade.

- A pie in your face,

my comrade.

- Hey, Nadia.

- Hey.

- Um, d--

- "The Secret Life of Pets 2."

- What?

- Is a movie

I've been at, though.

- Oh. Cool.

- Hey.

- Valet went great.

- No, no, it didn't.

How was fundraising?

- Oh, Daisy k*lled it.

She collected so much money,

and made four old men cry.

I'm just so proud of you.

- Guess I really am

a Bayside kid.

[applause]

- Good evening.

Jade Huntington-Snell,

Tanner's mom.

I am so overwhelmed

by the generosity in this room.

We have surpassed our goal

for the Bayside Enrichment Fund

tonight.

[applause]

But in the true spirit

of charity, the PTA,

as led by me,

has chosen to put it

toward a different

but equally important cause--

reopening Douglas High.

[applause]

- I'm confused.

That sounded bad,

but she said it in a happy way,

so was that good?

- No, it is not.

- It means they're kicking us

out of Bayside

and sending us back to Douglas.

- Oh, my God, you were right.

We laid down with snakes.

- And we got bit.

[upbeat music]

[together]

Friends forever

- We'll be friends forever

We'll be friends

[together]

With you everywhere

- Talking about

[together]

Friends forever

- Always be there

[together]

Always will be friends

all: We'll be there

- Through it all,

hangin' tough

- We'll stay side by side

We'll be friends forever

all: Till the end of time

Friends forever

- Always be friends

- With you everywhere

- We'll be friends

together

[together]

Friends forever

Oh, oh, oh, oh

- That was the best song

you ever wrote, Zack.