01x01 - Innocence and Panic

[bunniefuu]

- Jess, it's this way.

- Oh, sorry.

What time

are you thinking for lunch?

- Uh, one, maybe?

- Okay.

Hey.

Yeah?

Yeah, I know,

it looks just great. Love it.

Hey.

Here you go. Thanks.

Hi. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Quiet, please, everyone. Hey.

- Standby to roll, guys.

- Okay.

Okay. That's it.

Let's get slate in.

Here you go.

And action!

Hey, I'm just gonna

check on her.

I've never

seen anything like it!

Heavens above, Gromit!

Hi. I'm

I'm Mira. It's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

I'm Danielle.

- Everything okay?

- Mm-hmm.

Should we get started?

Yeah.

So, Mira.

I don't know if you remember me

from drop-off?

I babysit Iris and Sadie.

- Oh, um

- Yeah.

- I'm not sure, I right.

- Yeah. So, um

Well, I believe

Jonathan told you

a bit about my study,

in general?

- Um

- Well, it's for my PhD in Gender Studies and Psych

- at Tufts.

- Oh, okay.

I'm looking at how

evolving gender norms

- affect monogamous marriages.

- Okay.

Okay. Um

So, to complete the formalities,

just confirming your pronouns?

He, him, his.

- She, um

- She, her, hers.

Great.

Mine are she/her, too.

Um okay.

So, yeah.

The first question

is pretty open,

it's for either one of you.

How would you define yourself?

- Define?

- I dunno

Def Like, describe?

- Well, define.

- Right.

I'm I'm actually

interested in the

- the elements

- Mm-hmm.

that constitute

your self-definition.

The elements that constitute

- Go first.

- your self-definition.

That's, um

Well,

you could think of it like this.

What, um, attributes

couldn't you imagine

yourself without?

That's interesting.

Uh, okay. Let me think.

Actually, if it's okay,

just say whatever comes to mind.

Okay. Uh, I'm a man.

I'm Jewish.

That's weird, right?

- That's so weird.

- That's strange.

I went blank,

that's the first thing

- that came into my head.

- Great, yes.

- That's exactly the idea.

- Yes. Right. Okay.

- Um, I'm, uh, a father to Ava

- Mm-hmm.

who's four years old,

as you know.

Um I'm an academic.

Uh, I should've said that first,

actually.

- Mm-hmm.

- It's a big part of my

- self-definition.

- Mm-hmm.

I teach in the philosophy department at Tufts.

Mm-hmm.

Um

What else?

I'm, uh, 41.

- I'm a Democrat.

- Yeah.

I'm an asthmatic.

Whoa. You feel your asthma

defines you?

- Yeah.

- Really?

Yeah. Well, if you go through

your whole life

threatened with the possibility

of suffocating, then yeah,

you know, it becomes part

of your self-definition.

- Okay.

- What?

No. Nothing, babe.

It's it's interesting.

- Really.

- Is it?

- Yes.

- Okay.

Cool.

And Mira,

how would you

Right. I Okay. Me.

I am a woman.

- I'm married.

- Correct.

I am a mother.

- Mm-hmm.

- I am 40.

I Not quite,

but that's definitely

my self-definition, 40.

I'm, uh in tech.

I'm, uh, VP of

product management at Horizon.

I know that doesn't mean much

to most people,

- but, you know

- She's a big shot.

- Trust me.

- Yeah

Um, okay, what else?

I'm a mother, obviously.

You said that, don't worry.

Oh, good.

Is that enough?

Um

unless there's anything else

you'd like to add?

- Oh, no. I'm good.

- Yeah.

I wonder, for instance,

if you'd like to add something

um, about how you divide

household and caregiving

responsibilities

- Right. Yes. Um

- in that context?

So, I forgot to mention

she's interested in couples

where the woman

is the primary provider.

- Yeah. Well, um

- Oh.

- Right? Is that

- Yeah, I wouldn't exactly

- put it that way, but it's

- Oh, yes. Sorry.

I'm not I'm not I'm not

trying to give away your thesis.

That's that's fine.

Uh, anyway, yes.

So, for the most part,

I do take care of Ava

during the week.

- Um

- Well, uh

Well, being in academia,

as you know,

I have very flexible hours

and I can work from home.

Mira, she works long days and

- has to travel for work.

- And I make it up to them on the weekends.

- Yeah, and you make it home for bedtime, when you can.

- Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And has this always been your arrangement,

in terms of childcare?

- Yeah, pretty much.

- Well, yeah. I had

Well, I had to take

- an extra-long maternity leave.

- Yes.

And, um, you know,

I'm still paying for it at work.

Of course. Yeah.

And my company is going public

later this year,

- so that's why there's so much extra travel.

- Yeah, and it's also, like,

I'm not making a big, uh,

heroic sacrifice or anything.

- No.

- We have our babysitter, Veronica,

and she does extra hours,

uh, on the, you know,

on the days

that I'm underwater at work.

- Sure.

- And look, it'd be great

if academia paid

as well as tech does,

- but it doesn't

- It doesn't, no.

so this arrangement

makes perfect sense.

- Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.

It sounds like

we're apologizing for it. Maybe.

- No, not at all.

- Yeah. No, we're proud of it.

Babe. Don't.

Okay. So, at this point,

I'd like to

hear a little bit

about your history.

I know that you've been married

for almost ten years.

Yes.

How long were you together

before that?

It's like two years and change,

maybe?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

- Twelve years total.

- Mm-hmm.

- And how did you meet?

- You should be the one to tell the story.

- No.

It's way more entertaining.

Come on.

Is Can you tell me

how this is part of the study?

Um, well, it's valuable

in the context

of the gender perceptions

you had at the beginning

of the relationship.

Okay. I just I've

I was under the impression

that this is gonna be

more like multiple choice.

Sorry, no.

Okay.

I'll tell it. It's actually

It's a good story.

- And, uh

- Mm-hmm.

You can just interject

when I get melodramatic.

Sure.

So, we met at Columbia.

Um, we went there,

we were in a seminar together,

English lit.

So, um, we spent three hours

a week in a tiny little room,

uh, but at this point,

there was no way

- that we would have ever

- No.

I should mention that I was

still Orthodox at the time.

- Oh?

- Yeah. Yes.

I, uh, I grew up

in a Modern Orthodox

- Jewish family.

- Mm-hmm.

So up until that point,

up until college, my education

had been mostly single-sex,

I'd never touched a woman.

So the whole thing

was pretty overwhelming,

um, me with my black yarmulke

and white button-down shirts,

and all these young women

in their little tank tops.

And Mira specifically

was like a campus celebrity.

She was dating a member

of a big rock band at the time,

that needless to say

I'd never heard of.

No, they were

they weren't really rock,

and they weren't big.

You've probably heard of them,

Saraband? Lucas McRae?

- Oh, wow.

- Uh, yeah.

I just thought I thought

of Mira as kind of a

- A what?

- No, no, no.

- No. Tell me. I wanna

- Yeah, it it

it's just that you were

as far away from my world

as it as it got, you know.

And anyway, I was already

engaged to a girl

that I grew up with

near Long Island.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

- So how did it happen?

- Uh, well, she just

just walked up to me one day

and, um

This part you should tell.

Um, okay. So I was in a, um

a theater group in school,

and we were doing this one play

by Bashevis Singer, and

An adaptation of

Enemies, A Love Story.

- Hmm.

- Right.

And, um, so I was doing all

this research on Orthodox Jews.

I was very serious about acting

in college.

- Oh, yeah.

- And so I just went up to him

one day after class, and I asked

if I could talk to him,

- and he just he seemed completely horrified

- I was, yeah, paralyzed.

Yeah. But I was

very committed to this role.

Absolutely.

So committed

that she got completely naked

- halfway through the play.

- No! Not completely.

And I'd already started

the process

of, uh, leaving my religion.

But, uh, no, that that

that show was

definitely a milestone.

Mm. You mean

you actually started dating?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Not until years later.

Yeah. Yeah,

I was already here in Boston,

and I was, uh,

creeping around

on her Myspace page,

and I saw

that she was moving here

and that she was looking

for an apartment share.

So we became roommates.

And from there, it progressed.

And who initiated that?

I think it was both of us?

- Yeah.

- Right?

Yeah.

Both.

I had just come out of a series

of relationships

which were

borderline a*usive.

And I guess

that I was addicted to that,

and I and I was

stuck.

Uh, I had a job that I could

care less about.

Mm.

And Jonathan

was the complete opposite.

Uh, he was everything

that I wanted to be.

He had values, and purpose.

- It's true.

- Yeah, well. Yeah, I

It's ironic because this was

at the height of my

existential dread.

After I left my religion,

I just had these years

of loneliness and

So when did it happen?

Well, it happened

thanks to the asthma, actually.

The asthma?

Yeah. There was this one time

we were coming back from the ER,

I'd had a very severe attack,

and the, um, the doctor

he mistook us

for a married couple,

and, uh we liked it,

and we came home

and we kept playing at it.

And, um

and then it happened.

That's great.

That's perfect.

So All right.

- Now, I'd like to hear

- It's almost over.

a bit about, in your opinion,

what is the primary factor

contributing to the success

of your marriage?

Hmm.

- Hmm.

- I I'll let you take this.

Interesting.

Interesting.

Could you actually tell us what

the definition of success is

that you're working with?

Yeah. Well, uh, first of all,

it means that

you're still together.

- Uh

- That's a low bar.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, does our ten years

make us statistical outliers?

Mm-hmm.

Well, if we ignore

all the socioeconomic

and race parameters, then yes.

The average marriage in the US

is 8.2 years.

Okay. Well then

shouldn't you ask first

if subjectively that

if we perceive our marriage

to be a success at all?

Well, um, sure.

Yeah, if you can

Yeah, I'm only saying

that because I feel like

that word, "success,"

is kind of emblematic

of a larger

cultural misconception

about marriage.

Hmm.

- Yeah.

- It's become this project, right?

This thing that you work on,

"We're working on our marriage."

- It's this

- Mm.

multibillion-dollar industry.

There's, you know,

self-help books,

- and couples therapy

- Right.

and workshops, and podcasts,

and apps, and TV shows.

It's a huge business.

Mm-hmm.

And you see that as a problem?

Look, maybe it's because

of my background,

but I just think

it's so obvious that that

Western culture,

consumer culture,

has very purposefully created

these completely

irrational expectations

that marriage must,

at all times, be based

on passion, on sex,

on relentless

emotional intensity,

when it's so obvious that

these things stem from novelty,

so the whole concept's

a complete fallacy.

- Right. Okay.

- Mm.

So then,

well, what is

what's your concept?

I think I think we both see

marriage as a means.

It's not an end.

Right? I think we see it

as a platform

- Mm-hmm.

- where we both can, uh

that allows us to develop

as individuals.

We're both really passionate

about the work we do, and

and our partnership gives us

the safe ground to do it,

and to

raise a daughter

and have a family.

Yeah.

Mira, what about you?

Um, sorry, what was the

The question was about

your perception

Right. Our success.

Um, well, I agree with what

Jonathan said.

I mean, we we come

- Hi.

- Hey, honey.

- Hey, oh. What is it?

- Whoa!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I'm Danielle. Remember me?

- Who's that?

- What's wrong, honey bunny?

- It's over.

Oh. Okay.

- Sorry, give us a second.

- Of course.

Come on. I'll put another one

on for you, okay?

- Take your time, no worries.

- Why can't I watch it

here with you on the iPad?

- We'll be right back.

- Because, silly goose,

we're having a little meeting,

but then It's okay.

I'm just I'm gonna stay

with her and watch.

I got it, I got it.

I got it, sweetie.

- No, I'm gonna

- You're in the middle of your answer.

Yeah, but I'm dying to get this

over with. Come on. I'm

I know, but it's just

gonna be a little longer.

- She said an hour at the most.

- Daddy.

Okay, sweetie,

I'm gonna put it on.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Have fun.

Okay.

Just one second, patience.

- Sorry about that.

- No, no, it's fine.

- I know exactly how it is.

- Yeah.

I'm so grateful

to you both for doing this.

It's so hard finding subjects

for research,

especially straight men,

actually.

Well, lucky for you,

Jonathan loves

- talking about his theories.

- Hmm.

Well, what's yours?

Well, um

I think about it in terms of

an equilibrium.

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah. I think that

in marriage, there is

this very delicate equilibrium

and that, um, you have to

maintain it together.

And what

do you mean by equilibrium?

Well, you know, at the beginning

of a relationship,

everything's thrilling

and it's new

and you feel as a couple

that nothing can hurt you.

Right.

And then you gradually

start to realize that actually,

anything can hurt you.

Mm-hmm.

Uh

- I'm gonna go check on them.

- Okay.

- I'll be right back.

- Sure.

- Hey.

- Good? Yeah.

Sorry, the Wi-Fi was,

uh, messed up.

It wasn't loading.

Hi.

We have another half an hour

while she watches this one.

- Perfect.

- Okay. All right.

Okay. Great.

Thank you.

So

Yes, I'd like to hear about

your attitudes towards monogamy.

Um, to what extent do you see

yourselves committed

to each other exclusively?

Well, what do you mean?

I mean sexually.

I would say

it was very unexpected.

Well? What did I miss?

- Oh, God.

- Basically, she asked

if they're f*cking other people.

- That's a little intrusive, no?

- Yeah.

- Why?

- Well, maybe not for you,

but how did you agree

to do this?

I didn't. Jonathan agreed,

and he dragged me into it.

I didn't drag you into it.

- You did. Yes.

- No, I didn't.

You did. He met her

at Ava's preschool.

- Hmm.

- Yeah.

For the twins, she takes care

of the twins that go there.

So she told him all about it,

and he couldn't help advancing

his theories

on how capitalism

ruins marriages.

It's true.

- Jonathan.

- Word needs to get out.

Getting friendly with

the younger women at pickup?

- Come on.

- Uh-huh.

- That is true.

- He's taking advantage of his sexy dad factor.

She's a student.

She's a student. Please.

But, wait,

what is the research about?

I'm kidding.

I'm totally kidding.

I think that I think

her thesis is basically that

when the woman

is the primary provider

and the man

is the primary caregiver,

the marriage has

a greater chance of "success."

- Mm.

- Really?

Yeah.

Apparently, there's research

that says that the woman's

level of satisfaction

is the crucial element

in determining the long-term

stability of a marriage.

Huh. You hear that, Kate?

Loud and clear.

Anyway,

why is she choosing

to follow long-term

monogamous couples?

I would expect more out of

a millennial psych student.

Yeah, apparently, uh,

divorce has been researched

to death, so

Yeah, but there's so many

other relationship models.

I mean, it's a new era.

Take us, for example.

- She should have met with us.

- Yeah. Well, you know, I'm happy to give her your number, Peter,

if you're interested, as she's

desperate for research subjects.

By all means. I think she could

benefit a lot from us.

Wait. But she's interested in

successful marriages.

I think that rules us out, baby.

That's

I don't think that's true.

Okay. Hey. I'm sorry.

Wait. So how was,

uh, how was Boulder?

- Oh, yeah.

- It was good.

We we won the pitch.

- Hey, that's great.

- No!

- Cheers. Congrats. Fantastic.

- Thank you, guys.

Yeah, actually, we k*lled it.

You know, I don't think

they were, uh,

looking for a boutique company,

but they fell in love

with Kate's demos.

Of course they did.

She's a genius.

There's no better web designer

on the entire East Coast.

- No.

- I've said that

- multiple times.

- No argument here.

And, you know, I didn't f*ck up

the presentation too badly, so.

- Well, good. Good on you.

- You sure? You sure?

We were

a well-oiled machine.

That's great, guys.

I'm jealous of you.

I am. I get jealous of them.

I just think that, like,

a couple that can

work together is

Don't be too jealous.

No, I'm sure it's not

always easy, but when it works,

- that's like the paradigm.

- Easy? I mean, the fact that

we got through Boulder without

k*lling each other is a miracle.

Let's not do this now, Kate.

Why not? What's the problem?

- This is not the time for it.

Okay. So, when we're alone,

it's not the time either.

Maybe you can give some thought

to when the right time might be.

- Just stop, okay?

- Okay. Fine.

Okay. Let's go home.

- No! What are you talking about?

- We're playing make-believe.

- Kate. Let's not ruin it.

- Don't leave.

- What's going on, Peter?

- It's nothing important,

it's just the usual

drama about

Don't say it's not

important. No. f*ck you.

Okay.

What's going on

is Nathan broke up with me,

and I'm extremely depressed

about it.

Peter can't deal with it.

He won't talk about it.

So that's what's going on. And

- Kate. Cut it out.

- Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

Cut it out?

You cut it out. All of these

I'm so sick of this

social fascism.

- Social fascism.

- All these bullshit empty conversations.

I'm allowed

to talk about everything

but the most important thing

going on in my life.

I'm not gonna do it anymore.

Maybe they don't really

feel like hearing about it,

- have you considered that?

- No, no.

You're the only one that doesn't

wanna hear about it.

Because you'd rather wallow

in your passive-aggressive bullshit resentment,

you can't

admit that you're hurting,

that it hurts,

- and just talk to me about it.

- Yeah, I'm hurt, okay?

I'm very hurt. I admit it. Okay.

- Can we end this now?

- Okay. No, we can't end this.

And I won't live like this.

Okay?

When we started this, we said

that we would talk about

everything, and I was there

through all your sh*t

with Alana, Grace.

I accepted that.

I dealt with that.

And now suddenly when I'm the one

that's going through something,

it's like

my feelings aren't legitimate.

I never fell in love

with anyone else.

That's the difference.

Okay.

So what if I fell in love?

That was supposed to be a part

of the risk we both accepted.

I'm not leaving, I'm here,

I'm dealing with it.

- Sorry.

- It's okay. No, no, no.

- Oh, God.

- It's all right.

So you care more about

what they think about you

than what I'm going through

right now.

- You're so pathetic.

- I think it's a real competition

as to who's most pathetic

right now.

Let's take a break.

I'm gonna go upstairs.

Why don't you come upstairs

with me?

I'm gonna call a car.

You do whatever you want.

- Hey.

- I'm sorry.

- No, no.

- I couldn't hold it together anymore.

- I get it.

- That whole dinner, he was just

I know.

It's been like this all week

since I talked to you.

I'm sorry

I haven't been here.

- When did your flight get in?

- Last night.

Do you have an Advil?

My head's k*lling me.

In my bathroom. I'm just gonna

check on Ava for a second.

I'll be right there.

Revisionist history, you know?

She was a mess,

I was holding things together.

- Did you find it?

- Yeah.

So, it ended with Nathan,

completely?

Yeah. For good.

I'm sorry.

Oh, girl. Yeah.

He said he's exhausted

from living a double life.

The irony is a double life's

the only life

I know how to live.

Right.

Mira, this past week,

I can barely get out of bed.

Literally.

It's not getting any better.

And Peter just sulks all day

like a child. And

When he's not doing

this phony chipper thing

that makes me

wanna strangle him.

And then I have these outbursts

of hatred for him

where I'm just

I find myself in bed

thinking of the craziest ways

to t*rture him

and then f*cking k*ll him.

- I don't know.

- Mm-hmm.

Perhaps it's time to reconsider

this arrangement.

This arrangement?

I'm

You gotta remember

this whole thing started

so Peter could justify

his cheating.

This is just It doesn't matter

how it started.

This is the way that we found

to, you know, get through it,

and I don't regret it.

Mm.

I don't.

- I don't Kate.

- It's been good for us.

I don't remember ever wanting

to f*ck Peter

as much as

when I was with Nathan.

I'm serious. I wore him out.

- Okay.

- Do you know how good it felt

to actually want my husband?

You know, this is real.

This is my life, Mira.

It's not some whim.

I mean, what I had with Nathan,

I don't remember

ever feeling so alive.

And so, okay, it also means

feeling this terrible pain.

It's part of the deal.

You're really

suffering though, honey.

Hmm.

What would be better?

There were at least three years

when I didn't have sex

with Peter.

- I know.

- Yeah.

Does that seem

reasonable to you?

Life without any passion,

right? Kind of like

Well, passion, okay,

it's awesome,

uh, but, you know,

it's not sustainable.

We're not 16 anymore.

You can't

What does 16

have to do with anything?

Did you renounce passion

at the age of 16?

No, I'm not saying

that I renounced it.

Don't start quoting

Jonathan's theories

- about marriage.

- I'm not quoting him.

No, I I'm saying that, okay,

this open relationship

- comes at a price for everybody.

- Of course it does.

And it can't be easy

for your kids, right?

Well, it's not easy

for any kid, Mira.

I mean

Honestly, in the long run,

I think that it's actually

very empowering for them

to see me always searching

for freedom and happiness.

I don't know,

self-actualization?

It's absolutely something

that I want to model for them.

Especially Anna.

Okay.

I'm not judging you, honey.

I'm not.

Yeah.

And I'm on your side

always. You know that, right?

I know. I do.

I'm sorry. Here.

- Mm.

- No, no, no.

Hmm.

Oh, this day. It's just, like,

it's so much. It's

Wait, is something wrong?

No, it's just, uh

It's just a lot of pressure, so.

What kind of pressure?

No, it's nothing. Forget it.

What?

Nothing, I just

I'm sorry I lost it.

I think it's okay.

That was crazy.

Girl.

- You're such a good friend. Hey.

- Aw.

And you're stunning.

I don't

Not sure where what came from.

I think I'm pretty drunk.

Um

- Okay. You good?

- Yeah.

- Do you wanna go downstairs?

- Okay.

Mm. Yeah.

Hang on.

- Okay, come on.

- Okay.

Oh, no, no, no,

you got it backwards.

It was it was it was she

who made the sale.

I get that, but you

did your fair share of the work.

She is a ball buster.

- She can be really f*cking scary.

- Oh my God.

And she's a

she's a true artist, right?

- I'll call a car.

- She's a certifiable genius. She's gorgeous.

I'm just gonna clean up a bit.

I don't know why she even

ever let me between her legs,

this paragon of perfection.

Hi. I need a car

at 206 Abbottsford Road

in Brookline.

When I sleep with

other women, it's because, uh,

it's only because

it makes me feel

You know, it's

it has nothing to do

with falling in love.

It's the only way

It's the only way

that I can, uh

No, it does

You know, I know

I know I'm the one who

Peter, I called us a car.

Neither one of us can drive.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

- Do you want coffee or anything?

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm good. Yeah.

Yeah, I was just, uh

I was just trying

to explain to him

how you and I decided to, uh

And I, you know, I was saying

that just ignoring the fact

that you have options

doesn't make them go away.

- Right? Right?

- Yeah.

You know, or another way

of saying it is,

you know, if the only reason

that you're faithful

is because it's like

a rational decision,

- well, that's not sustainable.

- Why not?

Well, because it's just a matter

of the right woman, right time

- when it finally happens, right?

- Oh, okay.

So I don't have a choice

in the matter?

No, you don't.

Because, I mean, this force

- I'm tired.

- call it Eros or whatever,

you know, it's far more powerful

than your own will.

The car is on the way.

You better start

getting ready, okay?

Just a second.

You understand what I'm saying?

It depends on who you are.

- No, it doesn't! It doesn't!

- Shh. Peter.

- Quiet.

- I'm sorry.

I think it's just

it's a longer conversation.

No, tell me, I wanna hear.

I think maybe it's just because

of the way that I was raised.

- What do you mean?

- Well, you know, in

the first 20 years of your life,

you're taught to conquer

your desires,

- not surrender to them.

- Dude.

- What?

- That's grotesque.

Maybe.

I mean,

that level of repression,

it's like from the Middle Ages.

I'm not defending it.

I'm just saying

that it's ingrained in me.

Hey, babe, where is your jacket?

- Just a second.

- We need to get ready.

You really need

to start shaking that off.

- Or it's gonna take a major toll on you.

- Peter.

Not just mentally,

I mean,

physically

and spiritually, and

- The car is almost here.

- Yeah, I heard you!

- He can wait a minute!

- Shh.

sh*t.

- Here.

- I'm sorry.

- I'm really sorry.

- I call you tomorrow.

- Mira, I'm sorry.

- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

Bye. Night.

No worries. It's all right.

- Is she mad at me?

- Peter, let's go.

It's fine. It's fine.

It's just a long day.

All right, guys.

Thanks for coming.

- Okay.

- Don't worry about it.

So we'll come back

for our car tomorrow?

- Uh, is it that one?

- No, it's across the street.

You're welcome. Bye.

I'll be right there.

Sorry I left you down there.

It's okay, sweetie.

I couldn't take it anymore.

Yeah,

he was really drunk.

It was tragic.

Tragic, why?

Why?

Yeah. It's not like we

haven't seen that before.

She's really suffering.

I'm telling you.

Yeah,

I could see that, but

The sad thing is they're

basically a good couple

if he hadn't roped her in

all his adolescent bullshit.

Yeah?

You sure it's him

that roped her?

Oh, come on.

It's not who she is,

this whole polyamory thing.

I think they both get to

feed off of the drama,

you know?

Mm. Well, you get a kick

out of it, don't you?

You must admit, darling,

it is diverting.

Whatever.

What is it?

Oh, don't look so scared.

I'm not.

What's going on?

I'm pregnant.

- What?

- Yeah.

Wow.

Mira.

How?

Uh, well, that weekend.

The Cape.

Yeah, I forgot my pills,

so I missed a couple days.

Why didn't you tell me

you forgot your pills?

Well, I didn't think

that it mattered if we

Well, it shouldn't be so easy

to get knocked up at my age.

I took a

Well, I was late for my period,

so I took a test this afternoon,

and there was a faint blue line.

Okay, so it's a faint line,

so maybe

No, I took a picture

of the stick

and sent it to my doctors.

I'm pregnant.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

- Wow.

- Yeah. I've got an appointment

with her next week. Dr. Varona.

Okay.

- Are you happy? Yeah?

- Yes, of course. I'm happy. Yes.

I'm just a little I'm stunned.

God, me too.

I mean,

I have no idea what to do.

What do you mean?

Nothing. Nothing.

I just I don't know. It's

If we do this,

so much is gonna fall on you.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, what do you feel?

Well, I don't know.

I wanted to know how you felt.

No, no, forget about me

for a second.

What do you feel?

I don't know.

Okay.

Well, try to think about

how you felt

the second that you realized.

- Try to remember.

- Fine.

I felt shocked.

And, um, then I had to

come downstairs

for that interview,

so I buried it. And now

I guess I

I don't know.

Come on.

You can be honest with me.

Anything that you feel is

legitimate.

I don't know how I feel.

How am I supposed

to be honest about that?

Sorry.

Just trying to figure out

how this could have happened.

Yeah.

Maybe the sex

had something to do with it.

Yeah.

Hey, what if what if we

think about this in,

I don't know,

like a slightly more

deterministic way?

You know, like,

it's the Lord's doing, right?

- What?

- Not in a religious sense.

- Not in a religious sense.

- Okay.

I just mean, like, I mean,

you know, okay,

you forgot your pills.

Uh-huh.

And you still?

Yeah.

And you

immediately got pregnant.

So is it possible that

there's a part of you that

wanted this or thought

that we should have this?

Where is this coming from?

- It's so

- I know, I know.

I mean, if you're

if you're trying to say

that you want

to keep it, just say that.

Well

I

I It's what we talked

about originally.

Yeah. But originally,

it was completely abstract.

I mean, it was

before we knew anything

about anything,

it was before Ava,

before we knew

what it was actually like.

What?

You

- You wanna keep it, right?

- I think so. Yeah, I think so.

I think we can handle it,

but only if it's something

that you really, really want

and would be happy about.

I think so.

I think I might.

Ava will be thrilled.

Yeah.

And your parents.

Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah.

So, are we going for this?

Oh, my God.

Um yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah. Come here.

- Okay.

- Come here.

You okay?

Here.

Don't

Don't look at me like that.

This is

this doesn't mean anything.

Right.

- It only means you're panicking.

- It doesn't mean I'm panicking.

- I had a lot to drink.

- Yeah, hmm.

But you know what, even if

I was panicking, so what?

This is a really big deal, okay?

This is irreversible,

what we're talking about here.

Mm-hmm.

What?

You know, it just sucks

that neither one of us

could be completely happy

and confident about this

Yeah, but that's because I see

how ambivalent you are about it.

Well, yeah. Of course I'm ambivalent.

Yeah.

I mean, you remember

those first two years with Ava?

- Yeah.

- Thinking about jumping back

into that nightmare.

Yeah. I was there too.

I remember.

I know you were. I know

you've been an amazing partner,

but you don't

you couldn't, like

I couldn't I couldn't be

- where you were.

- No, you could not.

I couldn't be

in your place. I know.

You tried and

But you couldn't.

I took that out on you.

I took it

I was just awful to you.

I was awful.

We we talked about it,

and I understood

where that came from.

- You know?

- I know you understood,

but you were also hurt.

That's why you become distant,

and I hated you

for being distant, and I hated

myself even more for

being so shitty to you.

- I felt like a terrible mom.

- Oh, sweetie, I

That was a nightmare for you.

It was a nightmare

for both of us.

Yeah.

And it took so long to, like

feel like myself again,

you know?

And now we're good, and

And Ava's so good, and

Especially

when she's with you, she's

- Aw, come on.

- Kidding.

It's just like I finally

returned to my life.

I feel so guilty

about what I'm saying.

Sweetie, you shouldn't

feel guilty.

It makes perfect sense,

you know?

Yeah.

It's like, um

all of a sudden,

everything is unreal.

Everything that we had,

you, you're not real.

Ava isn't. It's just

it's this thing.

It's this pregnancy.

It's the only thing that's real.

- It's

- Hey, Mira.

Yeah.

- Babe.

- What?

Mm.

It's painful wanting something

and not wanting it

at the same time.

You know?

Yeah, yeah.

But think about it.

- Yeah.

- When Ava was a baby, we had no perspective at all.

We thought it was

gonna be like that forever.

- Right.

- And now we see that it passes, right?

It gets better. Right?

- That's true.

- Yeah.

You know, Ava's totally obsessed

with having a little sister.

- Yeah.

- If it's

a boy, that'll be rough.

Well, it'll have to

be a girl then.

We'll raise it a girl,

regardless.

Either way, they're gonna want

their own rooms eventually.

Mm-hmm.

But it should be a pretty easy

renovation, you know,

to divide Ava's room in half.

We'll have to steal a little

square footage from the hallway,

put up a little drywall, right?

Sure.

I love you.

You know that, right?

Yes, I do.

- Yup, come in.

- Hi? Sorry. Am I late? I'm late.

It's fine. We just, uh

we're just starting out.

- Sorry. Sorry.

- Yeah, no problem.

- Nice nice to see you.

- Good to see you.

So, I was just

starting to explain

- the procedure to Mira.

- Great.

As I said, you'll take

the mifepristone here today,

and that blocks

your progesterone,

effectively ending

the pregnancy.

And then I'll send you home

with four pills of misoprostol,

and that'll bring on

contractions.

- Mm-hmm.

- So that can be not so fun.

You'll have cramping

and heavy bleeding.

You'll pass some large clots,

and you might have nausea,

vomiting, diarrhea, dizziness,

and in rare cases, fever.

It's like a stomach virus.

Great.

So that's all normal.

But if you have any side effects

that worry you, just call.

Does it still seem

like what you wanna do?

Yeah.

While you're here,

do you wanna talk

about contraception,

since the pill

wasn't your friend this time?

Yeah, I was just

saying to Jonathan

that I was amazed that, um,

could still have an accident

at my age.

You'll be

- 40 in November, right?

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

That's gonna keep

- getting less likely.

- Yeah, totally.

But in the meantime

So there are a bunch

of long-term options.

There's Implanon,

which is an arm insert.

- I could place that here today.

- Mm-hmm.

And there are IUDs,

the ParaGard,

which is plain copper,

or the Mirena,

which is very popular,

it's a hormone-releasing IUD.

Maybe the copper one.

It would be nice to give

my body a break

- from all those hormones.

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Well, I can place that

at your follow-up.

- And, uh, you can think about it a little more.

- Okay.

For now, just throw out

your current package of pills

and start a new one tomorrow.

- Okay?

- Yeah.

Any questions?

Nope.

Okay.

I'm gonna go get the medicine.

Okay.

She has to warn us

about the symptoms,

but it's, uh,

it's the simplest procedure.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. I know.

I'm gonna get us

something to drink.

Diet Coke, is that good?

No, I don't need

I don't need anything.

No, I'll get us one.

There's a vending machine

right outside the door.

Um, yeah.

I'll be right back, okay?

Uh, fine.

Hey? I'll be right there.

Okay.

Hey. So, they only had Pepsi.

- Is that okay?

- That's fine.

- It's all right?

- Mm-hmm.

I'm sure

there's, like, a cup

around here somewhere.

No, it's fine. I'll just

drink it straight from the can.

I'm sure there's something.

Maybe here.

Jonathan.

Oh, I think

there's something here.

Come here for a second.

Oh, f*ck,

it's a urine sample cup.

Okay. Come over here.

Sit down for a second.

Look at me.

Are you okay?

- Yeah.

- Are you mad?

Am I mad? No.

Why would I be mad?

Are you having

second thoughts?

No.

- No?

- No, no, no, no. I

- I don't

- I'm just

I don't why

I'm feeling like this.

I didn't expect

to feel like that.

No, it's okay, honey.

- It's fine.

- Yeah.

You know, I'm it's not easy

for me either.

No, no, no, no, no.

Of course. Of course. Uh

Sorry, I'm not, um, trying

to make No, yeah.

I know you you're the one that

has to has to go through it.

We're making

the right decision here.

We talked about it.

I don't think there's a single

angle that we haven't covered

over the last ten days.

Yeah, I don't

I don't think there is.

Yeah.

You know, I was thinking

we could still go ahead

with the renovation.

- You know? Like

- No.

Yeah. Like, we can move

Ava's play area into her room

and, you know, make your study

back the way that it was before.

That's never gonna work.

She's gonna reclaim it

within hours.

Well, then we use the attic.

I mean, we always said that

we were gonna get to that

eventually.

I'm okay.

I'm good where my office is.

- I don't need

- Well, I have a vision.

- Just, you know, leave it to me.

- Okay, okay. Okay.

- You're gonna thank me.

- Okay. Okay.

Oh.

- Sorry about that.

- It's okay.

- Here you go.

- Thanks.

Okay.

And here's the misoprostol

that you will take at home

tomorrow.

Mm-hmm.

Take some ibuprofen

about an hour before you put

the tablets in your cheek, okay?

All right. Here you go.

- Mm-hmm.

- See you in a couple weeks.

- Okay.

- Thank you.

Oh.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

I feel a little nauseous.

I'm fine. It's fine.

I'm sure, um, it's just

the power of suggestion.

Just rest

until it passes, okay?

If you do vomit, you'll have to

take the medicine again.

I'll ask the nurse to check in

on you in a bit.

- Okay. Feel better.

- Hmm.

- You okay?

- Mm-mm.

Okay.

I feel awful.

I'm sure you'll feel better

tomorrow.

Why don't you go home to Ava?

- I'll take a car home.

- No, no. No way.

I'm staying here.

- Veronica's with Ava. She's

- Jonathan, I

What?

I'd like to be alone

for a little bit. Is that okay?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

Of course. Of course.

Here, I'll leave this

right here, okay?

Yup. You're not

- You're sure it's fine?

- Yes, of course, sweetie.

It's fine. It's fine.

I'm totally fine, yeah.

- I'll go do a little work in the waiting

- Mm-hmm.

room over there, okay?

And you just come out

- whenever you're ready.

- Yeah, just

- it won't be long.

- Yeah. Take your time.

- I've got my phone, so

- Okay.