02x06 - Keeping It Professional

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Sam.
- What's up?

This.

Ugh. What is that?
Is that Nathaniel?

Yeah, he keeps
emailing me from his retreat.

It actually sounds really fun.

Do you think I
could get diagnosed

with toxic masculinity?

No.

And, dude, we can't lose you.

It's been mayhem
since Nathaniel left.

Oh, corporate just sent out
this week's assignments.

Ugh. I got the
Renaissance Faire.

Great, I got to
spend the whole day

with a blacksmith
with a theater degree.

- What'd you get?
- Holy sh*t.

The Greater Boston
Film Festival.

- Wait, what? Why?
- I don't know.

It says I'm interviewing Bob
the Drag Queen from Drag Race.

I guess she has like a new
documentary she's promoting.

I could get a byline
on a big article.

Honestly, that sounds
like a lot of work.

And you look kind of tired.

My dark circles are
hereditary, Jeff.

I'm just saying the Ren
Faire is so much easier.

It's corsets, jousting, turkey
legs. You're in, you're out.

And everyone's home
by, like, 6:00 p. m.

Because they all still
live with their parents.

Yeah, that sounds really fun,

but I think I'll
stick with mine.

You know, this could be
good for me, actually.

But here's the thing,

it's not about others'
actions, right?

We can't control
other people, right?

- It-It-It's not about their actions.

It's about your reaction.

Um, for instance, if I said,

"Carol, although you might think
that your judgment is silent,

the eye roll you just gave
me could be seen from space,"

you would say...?

Eh.

Not taking the bait?

Very good, great
illustration, Carol.

Can you hear me?

Yeah. Control is a lie. Got it.

Okay, um, seriously, though,
do-do you want to move up?

Because it's a
smaller group today.

- And, um...
- There's a spot open next to me.

Great. Um, you know what?

I should actually mention
I-I'm teasing a little bit,

and it's because Carol and I
kind of do know each other...

Excuse me, I prefer
an aisle seat.

And this is her first meeting.

Actually, you know what, Carol?

- Thank you.
- It's time for newcomers share.

Would-would you like to come up?

God, no.

Okay, well, Carol, thank you

for sharing why you
are not sharing.

Oh-h*-h*, yes, swag bag.

Aw, lemon banana crunch?
It's like their worst flavor.

Did anyone get blueberry oat?

It's my favorite,
I'll trade you.

Sammy?

Sam.

- Sam, you okay?
- Huh? What's up?

You got that thinking
emoji face on.

What's going on? You okay?

Yeah, no, sorry, I
just want to make sure

these questions are
good, that's all.

Are you sure you
want us to be here?

Because I know I
get kind of stressed

when I combine work and fun,

like when I did the
happy hour haircuts

and everybody kept
dancing in the chair.

So many Band-A*DS.

No, no, I'm happy
you guys are here.

You sure?
- I mean, it was free

and you get to
meet Alex, finally.

I think it'll be really fun.

It's gonna be fun.
Everything's gonna be great.

You know, we can meet Alex
when you're not working.

We can go to that
Korean-Italian fusion spot.

- Ew.
- What's going on, pals?

- "Pals"?
- Hey.

Yeah, pals. I didn't
want to say "ladies."

I don't want your friends to
think I'm hitting on them.

- Oh, no, God forbid.
- Yeah.

This is, um, Felicia
and Brit. This is Alex.

It is such a pleasure
to meet you two.

I've heard so much about you.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

- Oh.

One second.

My boy Big Rog is hitting me up.

- We came up together at The Observer.
- Right.

He has some media dudes
he wants me to meet.

Ooh, local film
scene your thing?

Uh, yeah, I actually
used to cover this event

and then I got fired, so...

I'm just arm candy this year.

Here he is. Give me one sec.

Yo, Rog, where you at, dude?

I don't see you nowhere.

Nah, I'm just hanging
out with my girl.

I'll be there in a sec. Bye.

- Um, is it cool if I pop over there?
- Yeah, of course.

- You're the best. Mwah.
- Okay.

I'll see you guys in 15?

- Oh.
Oh.

What do
you guys think?

- Oh...
- He-he seems like...

- a busy guy, he's working the room.
- Mm-hmm.

- We like that.
- Yeah.

Do you think he'll mind
if I just take a look?

Because, um, if I
can get extra pens,

- Zack loves promotional pens.
I don't think he'll care.

Ooh, tequila.

Venti
oat milk caramel

half-sweet cappuccino

with four shots of
espresso, for Mindy.

Oh. Mindy. Hey.

James.

Um, four shots of
espresso, that's a lot.

Well, it's a gamer holiday.

The new Ren's
Legion is dropping,

and I want to stay up all night
and stab wraiths in the eye.

Oh, yeah, right, I'm-I'm
actually picking up Ren's, also.

So...

if you're going to Pixel Palace,
maybe save me a spot in line?

It's not 2008, James.
I'm downloading it.

Well, uh, see you
around, I guess.

And then I told him, "Look..."

It's been like half an hour.

What do you think
he's doing over there?

Ooh. Fading Farmland: A Real
Look at America's Middle.

And... the last showing
is in five minutes.

You can't actually
want to see that.

Yes, I can. We're
at a film festival.

Go ahead. I-I'll meet up
with you after the interview.

Yeah? Okay, great.
You're-you're gonna k*ll it.

You know, I got to go, too.

Zack's got plans and
Trent's stuck at work.

No. Hey, you can't
leave me, too. I mean...

you haven't even gotten to
hang out with Alex yet, so...

Yeah, I'd say it's more like he
didn't get to hang out with us.

But it's okay.

Calm down. You're
gonna be great.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Break all the legs.

I'm just gonna, um...

just see if they have
more swag bags real quick.

Love you.

Sorry.

So I said to him, "If
you're not gonna wear pants,

I'm not gonna wear pants."

and then the interview
went amazing.

He trusted me, it worked
out. It was great.

Hey, there she is.

This is my girlfriend
Sam, the working lady.

She's actually gonna have
to pay for my scooter

to get home tonight,
you know?

Uh, Alex has
told us so much about you.

Oh, really? What did he
say? Tell me everything.

- I'll actually hang around to hear the answer.

Can I interest anyone
in a signature c*ck?

We have Boston Dirty Tea.

Nah, we're good here, man.

Not thirsty.

Oh, um...

Yeah, me neither.

Actually, can we get
a round of waters?

- Ooh, yeah.
- That'd be great. - Awesome.

I, um, I actually have a
lot of free drink tickets.

If you guys want a round of
beers, I can go get you some.

Um, that's really nice of
you, Sam, but no, thanks.

We're good.

Are you okay?

Would you excuse
me for a minute?

- I'm gonna go... - sh*t, yeah, dude, yeah.
- That makes sense.

Sam. Sam, are you okay?

Hey, Sam, what's up?
Where's your friends?

Uh, they left.

Oh, I am so sorry.

It... The guys, did you
tell them I was sober?

No, that didn't come up.

Really? 'Cause it seems like

it's the only thing
they know about me.

Why are you being so weird?

It's midday and they didn't
want to get drunk at work.

I think they didn't want to
drink in front of the alcoholic.

Sam, not everything
is about you.

Sam? Sam Fink?

Sam Fink?

- Sam Fink?
- Yeah, hi.

Oh, hi, I'm Bob the
Drag Queen's publicist.

Can you come with me, please?

Oh.

Sam.

Great. Bob's so wonderful.

- You're just gonna crush it.
Sam.

Of course, I don't
just represent Bob.

- I represent a ton of other...

Bob's right through here.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

Hi, um, Sam Fink, Hit Pause.

Oh, hi, Bob the Drag
Queen, from the film.

Very nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.
Welcome, I'm so excited.

Me, too. Where would
you like me to, um...?

- You can sit right there.
- Oh, great. Okay, cool.

Are you thirsty?
You want some water?

It is... it's very fancy.

It is, um, filtered
through the porous rocks

- of an active volcano.
- Whoa.

I mean, I think it's
just a marketing tactic.

Yeah.
- But have some.

Oh, no, uh, thank you, I-I
appreciate that, though.

I'm not worthy of-of $40 water.

- Okay.
- Um, let me see what I have for you here.

Okay, so...

Uh, how did you first
get introduced to drag?

Oh, I was recruited.

Yeah, the g*y agenda
is actually at work.

I used to be a
straight white guy.

So, no, I'm kidding.

Honestly, I'm just, I'm just
a really interesting person.

And I wanted more people
to pay attention, so...

wigs, lashes, heels,
and the rest is history.

Perfect.

Uh, I... forgot to record.

- I'm so sorry about this.
- No worries.

I'm just gonna...

set that... Nope, that's
not the right thing.

- You got to use the right...
- And then we'll...

Okay.

- I'm sorry.
- No, leave it, just leave it.

Baby, it is just volcano water.

- I have,

I have another bottle,
it's okay, it's all right.

Okay, good.
- Are you all right, though?

Oh, uh, yeah, sorry.

No, I just...

My boyfriend and I just kind of
got into a little fight outside.

- Oh.
- I'm sorry.

I just feel a little frazzled.

Sam. Listen.

I love millennial drama.

It is my favorite
thing in the world.

So, if you want to be messy...

come be messy next to me.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Okay.
- I prefer it.

I'll be quick, I promise.

Oh, no. Please do not be quick.

Okay. Um...

Your-your boyfriend.

- Alex.
- Alex.

Eight. Nine.

Do me a favor. Give me a
high five on the way up.

- Oh!
- Oh, geez, okay.

Oh, hey, hi, honey.

How was the meeting?

I... don't.

Oh, okay. We're
done, we're done.

Hey, Rick, you know what?
On-on second thought,

let's-let's end it now, okay?

All right? Don't
want to overextend.

- No ego, amigo.
- Sounds good.

All right, I'll see
next week, okay?

Got you. See you
later, Terminator.

Bye, Rick. Bye, Rick.

Okay.

So, uh...

- how was it?
- It was ridiculous.

It was everything I
thought it would be.

We spent an hour in really
uncomfortable chairs,

and they get excited
about asinine readings.

And then they talk and
they talk and they talk.

Isn't the point to talk?

According to them, yeah.

No, what-what I meant is,
I'm wondering if maybe

part of the-the healing

is to-to speak your-your-your
experience out loud.

Why would I want to share my
business with those whiners?

Well, because it's anonymous
and maybe a safe space to share.

You know what else is anonymous?

Glory holes.

Are those a good idea?

Whose side are you on?

Well, I'm-I'm on your side.
Of course I'm on your side.

C-Carol, you're-you're on my mat
with your-your shoes. That's...

Carol, I've asked you many
times not to walk on my mat.

It's my only space and
you're stomping all over it.

Look, I get that you're annoyed,

but what's the harm in maybe
going to a few more meetings?

Listen, if you don't
make a real effort,

you risk permanently
damaging your relationships.

I'm great at relationships, Bob.

Yeah, I know.

I know you are.

All right, come on.
Next, please.

We'll get you
a hot dog or something.

Yes.
- Oh, James.

Hi.

Hey.

H-How you doing?

Uh, good, I'm good.

Uh, ready to kick some owlbear
butt in this Ren's Legion game.

You play Ren's Legion?

Sure do. What clan you guys in?

We're the Demon Boyz with a "Z."

- That's-that's legit.
- What about you?

You know, I had a crew, but we
had some creative differences.

So now I'm rolling solo dolo.

You can't be trying
to face a boss on your own.

- You're gonna get eviscerated.
- Zachary.

Be nice.

I am proud of that
use of "eviscerated,"

-that's good vocabulary. Where'd you learn that?
-Reddit.

Reddit? We have talked
about this before. Sorry.

I got to get these kids fed.
All right, have a good one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Zacky, you better believe,
the second we get home,

I am taking that tablet away.

You know who's
self-centered? My mother.

That's who is self-centered.
And if you are gonna see me

in that same light, then,
like, I actually don't know

that we should be dating at all.

Do you know what I mean? Like,
can I even date a normie?

- Okay, I cannot answer that question for you.
- Oh, right.

And, I mean, we don't
have enough volcano water

- in the world to get through that.
- Totally.

Okay, time's up.

Thank you, Samantha Fink
of Hit Pause: Boston.

- No, no, no, no.
- Yeah.

I don't think my time's up.
It hasn't been that long.

- It is, babe.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Thank you, though.

But I...

Could I get just like
five more minutes?

No, sweetie, we've got...

- We're really booked.
- I would, but sorry.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Um...
- Sorry.

- No, that's okay.
- Best of luck with everything, babe.

Okay, I just...

God, there was so
much that I had...

I had wanted to ask you.

- Especially about the movie.
- Tell-tell Alex I said hey.

- Oh, yay.
- Oh, no, I will.

But do you have any,
like, one-liners?

The movie is great
and you'll love it.

- It's gonna be so good, you're gonna love it.
- Oh, okay.

- Thank you so much.
- From Bob the Drag Queen.

- Thank you.
- All right, bye, Sam.

Okay, bye. Did you
need anything else?

-I need a Red Bull. That was a lot.
-Okay, I got you.

Oh, my God, corn.

Oh, Sam, look, this is Henry,
he's the star of Fading Farmland

and he just got
signed as a model.

- What?
- Yeah.

- Sick.
- Okay, well, come back if you have any questions

about crop rotation.

Yo, Sam.

Something big is happening.

It's gonna be amazing.

Oh, yeah? That's super cool.

- You want to know what's happening with me?
- Yeah.

I just blew that
interview thanks to you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What do you mean "thanks to me"?

You picked a fight with me like
right before I went in there.

I did not pick a fight with you.

Samantha, I understand you're
going through a lot right now.

But I cannot become
your punching bag.

You're not my punching bag.

You're my boyfriend, and
all I wanted from you

was a little bit of support.

But you weren't there at all.

Now, how am I
supposed to know that?

I'm just supposed
to read your mind?

Is that how this is
supposed to work?

- Please explain.
- Why do men always say that?

It's not mind-reading, it's just
picking up on basic social cues.

Why is that so hard?

I'm impressed that you're
putting this all on me.

- I really am.

Did you do this to your
friends or just me?

No, I didn't. Felicia has a kid
and Brit is getting divorced.

I don't know, I just
thought maybe my boyfriend

could show up for me this time.

Okay, well, I'm gonna put a
pause on this conversation

because I'm not dealing with
this sh*t tonight, all right?

Cool.

Awesome.

Very cool.

What? What is this?

I'm moving out.

W-Wait, wait.

I'm... No, I'm not in the mood
for any more drama today, Bob.

Not today.

Did you ever even want me here?

Of course.

What do you mean? You moved in.

Yeah, but you never
really let me move in.

We...

eat at that table every day,

we sleep in that
bedroom every night.

Yeah, yeah, but per
your instructions,

I keep all of my-my
clothes in the garage.

It gets cold out there, I
have to microwave my pants.

You're being
absolutely ridiculous.

All right, you-you see?
Do you see these pans?

I brought these pans
with me when I came.

And I asked you not
to use a fork on them

because they have a
non-stick coating.

I asked you to be gentle.

And you ignored me, and-and
you scratched them up anyway

and now they're ruined.
This-this is us, Carol.

We are two scratched-up skillets

that don't work the way
they're supposed to.

I will buy you
new skillets, Bob.

I-I would love that, thank you.

Okay, my-my point
about the pans...

is that you're not
great at relationships.

- You bulldoze...

- Okay, no, no, no.
- And you don't listen.

No, no, no. That's
enough, that's enough.

Okay, I want... I want
us to get better, I...

I really want you to get better.

And the only way I know how
to do that is for me to leave.

And, unfortunately,
you're gonna have

to figure out the
rest on your own.

Please call me if you do.

And
that's when I learned

the most crucial thing a first-
time director needs to know.

But you're gonna have to tune
in to next week's episode

to find out. All right,
thank you, everyone, goodbye.

Mwah. See you next week.

Hey.

Hey.

Henry and I had the best time.

He taught me all
about agronomics.

And guess what. He's a doctor.

A crop doctor.

I mean, it's perfect. We
went to this afterparty...

Brit, can we talk about
this another time?

I-I'm sort of in the middle
of something right now.

Damn, okay.

What's wrong?

- Uh, this piece is k*lling me.

I mean, my interview
was... horrible,

and Alex will not
stop calling me, I...

Okay. Breathe. Let me see it.

Uh...

I'm sure it's fine. Let me see.

Uh...

It's a take.

It's, um...

Volcano water
sounds amazing now.

- Okay, yeah.
- I feel like that's great.

I told you it
was... it was rough.

I mean...

Is it just a transcript
of a podcast?

'Cause I think you left this ad
in here about natural hair dye?

I can take that part out!

You again.

Why are you so obsessed with me?

Is it cool if we party up?

I got donut holes and wet
naps for the controllers

so we don't get them dirty.

Maybe some other time.

Good luck with the swamp witch.

You'll need an enchanted spear,

but it's surrounded by,
um, a swarm of ants.

So...

S-So, uh, what I wanted
to say back there is...

I actually got 20 days, um...

Cool.

I'm glad to hear that.

Started going back to church.

Um, so, that's
been helping a lot.

I don't have a lot of people
to tell that to, so...

Listen, I'm really sorry for
what happened back at 24/7.

I embarrassed myself and, um...

I really appreciate
you talking to me.

My clan is pretty
small these days.

- Oh, my God, save me.

- I-I can't.
- Why aren't you saving me?

I'm a paladin, I
can't do anything.

No, no, no.

Oh, take that, you hairy b*tch.

Alex?

Oh, hey, Samantha.

Um... Why haven't you answered
any of my phone calls?

I called you like 20 times.

Yeah, I was busy, I
was working, okay?

I mean, what are you...

What are you doing here?
Is this about our fight?

No, it's not about the fight.

I-I'm... Nathaniel is taking
a permanent leave of absence.

And they couldn't
find another editor,

so the bosses called the
devil that they knew and...

Here we are.

So, you're, uh,
you're my boss again?

Yeah, I'm your boss again.

- Sick.
- Yeah.

So, I-I think that me and you
should sit down soon and...

just figure out what that means

and the next steps.

Yeah, no, that, uh, makes sense.

Uh, anyway, I should probably
get out of your office.

Yeah, and we have that staff
meeting. I'll see you there.

- Oh, cool.
- Great.

- Can't...
- Okay, cool.

- Can't wait.
- Yep.

And, oh, yo.

Send me the write-up
from the film festival.

- Oh, yeah, the film festival thing.
- Yeah.

That's...

You know, it's not
totally polished yet.

I feel like it could
use a few more, like...

- Oh, come on.

I know the interview
didn't go well,

but I'm sure it's still good.

Send it by end of day.

- Oh, end of the day?
- Yeah.

: Okay, great.

sh*t.

The nice thing about getting
abandoned is, it makes you

realize maybe I'm
also the as*h*le.

Nobody arguing that.
Okay, noted, uh...

Uh, I'm sick of
hearing myself talk.

Would anyone like to share?

All right, that's our meeting.

I will see everyone
across at the coffee shop.

Carol?

Um...

I'm Carol.

You all know that.

Um...

I guess I'm talking
today because...

I haven't felt this alone

since my husband died.