02x09 - Coming Clean

[bunniefuu]

It would have been
nice if you let me know

you were coming by for a visit.

Yeah, but I'm not visiting.

I just needed my black
dress for Dean's wake.

That's all.

You haven't worn that dress
since your father's shiva.

Don't worry, Mom. I'll
wear it when you die, too.

Samantha,

you should know I've been going
to Family and Friends meetings.

You have?

I have.

They're boring

- but informative.

And now I know what to
do when it comes to you.

I get it.

Mom, you don't "get it"
after a couple of meetings,

- but...
- I'm a fast learner.

I read The Connections
in two days, remember?

-Uh-huh.
-So who's this Dean person? You never mentioned him.

Honestly, I don't
really know him.

But when someone
dies in the program,

the community shows up
as a form of support.

So much easier to support
someone after they're dead,

isn't it?

Samantha, will
you please get up?

I don't want to ask you again.

What time is it?

It's almost 11:00.

I have been running
around like a lunatic

trying to get ready for
your father's shiva.

It's not my
father's shiva... it's yours.

He specifically said he did
not want us to do anything

and not make it a big deal.

We're not. We're
honoring his memory.

Will you please
get up and help me?

In less than two hours, I'm
gonna have a houseful of people,

including your awful Aunt Alice,

and everything needs
to go smoothly.

- I like Aunt Alice.
- She checks

the glassware for water spots
in other people's houses,

which speaks to a dark soul.

- Okay.
- Samantha.

- What?
- For today,

can we all just at least pretend

we're one big happy...

family?

I guess.

Thank you.

: What?

Good for you, Dean.

- Hi.
- Hey.

How you been?

I've been okay.

Um... listen, I feel like
I owe you an apology.

You know, for the
whole party thing.

- Don't worry about it.
- No.

I was wrong.

You were just trying to be nice.

And, uh, sometimes I
misread situations.

Yeah, well, that's
what we do, isn't it?

Yeah.

It's kind of crazy that
Dean is gone, right?

Talked to him a couple weeks
ago after he fully spilled

- an entire Yoo-hoo on me.
- Oh, man.

Last summer, he spilled
a whole cold cappuccino

right down the
front of my pants.

- Oh, my God. Yeah.
- Epic spiller.

You want to stick together

so we don't seem like
a couple weirdos?

- Yeah. I can make that work.
- Okay.

Wow. Looks like something
out of a magazine.

Thank you.

That wasn't a compliment.

Hey, maybe you should
slow down with that.

Why? If anything, I want
all this to speed up.

Wait, where's the crab dip?

Your mom told me
not to put it out.

What? Mom.

Why didn't you put
out the crab dip?

We cannot serve
shellfish at a shiva.

It's not kosher.

Who cares? It was
Dad's favorite.

Saman... How would I explain
that to Rabbi Gurian?

Uh, who cares? We
don't believe in God.

But he does.

- Hey.
- Mm.

This is all really... sweet.

For who? Yo-Yo Ma?

If my dad were here,
he would call bullshit

on this whole thing.

I mean, seriously,

it is all style
and no substance.

Hey, listen, you're
gonna get through this,

- okay?
- Okay,

the last thing I need from
you right now is a pep talk.

Listen, I'm just trying
to help you, Sam.

Brit, dear, could
you give me a hand?

Just go play house
with my mother, okay?

: Yeah.

Oh, my God. Apparently,
he went to Yale.

Impressive for a guy that
didn't own a single T-shirt

that wasn't stained.

And look at that.

It's like he's on a boat
in Santorini with...

- Yeah, that's Snoop Dogg.
- That's Snoop Dogg.

What?

Hey, you two.

- Oh, hey.
- So sad.

I just can't believe it.

Dean was such a sweetheart.

Did I ever tell you
guys how we met?

- Did he spill something on you?
- Oh.

Never mind then.

I'm gonna go say
hello to his parents.

I'll catch up with
you guys later.

I don't know.

Maybe we should say
something to them, too.

Like what?

I don't know. "I'm sorry"?

Yeah, but it doesn't
mean anything.

Of course it does.
What's wrong with you?

Uh, you know, if it... If
it means that much to you,

you should go for it.

- Okay. You want to come with?
- Yeah. No. I'm good.

You know what, I think I'll
just head out, actually.

- I'll talk to you later.
- Uh...

Hey. Hey.

Samantha.

The hell was that all about?

Look, I get it... Dean
is dead and that's sad.

But what is the point of
us just standing around

and wallowing in
it? It's so morbid.

It's not supposed to be a party.

Why not?

In my opinion, the
best way to honor Dean

would be to shake this bummer
day off and go celebrate him.

You have something in mind?

Uh, I do, as a matter of fact.

Jake & Jake's?

Seriously?

It was Dean's favorite place.

How do you know that?

Because it's everyone's
favorite place.

Says so in the commercials.

Alice.

Carol.

How are you?

I thought I was prepared
for this.

But I'm not.

I only had one brother, and...

- now he's gone.

- It's not fair.
- No.

Nothing about this is fair.

How are you doing?

I don't know.

- Yeah.
- To be honest,

everything is-is just a blur.

- Oh, well, the house looks beautiful.
- And...

- Does it?
- Mm.

- Aunt Alice. Oh.
- Samantha.

- Wow.
- Hi!

- Oh.

Come with me. I want
to introduce you

- to everyone. Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, okay.

Everyone, everyone!

This is my Aunt Alice.

She's the coolest person,
definitely, in this room.

- Oh. - She is a
big-shot editor at Smith-Walker.

-And...
-Well, not exactly. I'm a publisher.

- That's right. Oh, my God, who cares? They're both so cool.
- Yeah. Yeah.

She got me to move to New York.

- I did.
- She got me to keep writing.

I mean, seriously, if
you're ever wondering

who has the greatest
aunt in the whole world,

it's this b*tch right here,

let me tell you. It's me.

- I'm so lucky. Oh, my God.
- What are you drinking?

Wine. Come on. Let's
go have some wine.

- Maybe some club soda, if you have...
- Come on.

Mom, stop standing there
like a freak. Come on.

I have an idea. I think
we should toast to Dean.

It's the least we can do after
we ditched his wake, right?

Yeah. No, for sure.
Yeah, I support that.

Okay. Um...

To Dean,

the worst Uno player
I've ever met.

Is that true?

I don't know. I just made
something up. You go.

Oh. Um...

To Dean, who was
terrified of birds.

Mm. To Dean

and his weird extra rib.

To Dean, uh,

who could raise one
eyebrow like The Rock.

Oh, I loved that about him.

- Mm.
- To Dean,

- the inventor of the Jet Ski.

- Uh, what about air hockey?

You're right. That's better.

No, there's air hockey
here. You want to play?

Oh. I don't know.

Do you want to get humiliated?

Did you forget that I'm
amazing at air hockey?

No, I didn't forget. But...

like Dean once told me,

never back down
from a challenge.

His greatest fault.

He gave terrible advice.

Come on.

How's the, uh...
how's the hotel?

Oh, the Malden Inn?

It's fine. It's fine.

Did you know it's right next
to a 24-hour auto parts store?

Oh.

- I didn't.
- No, it's fine. It's fine.

- You just might

want to file that
away for next time.

- Noted.

Oh, he was such an
incredible musician.

Yeah.

An actual prodigy.

Oh, of course you
knew that.

Yeah, I-I put it in the
attic when he got sick.

But it just... It felt wrong.

And...

I really want
Samantha to have it.

Can you imagine what
it would have been like

if he had made principal
cellist for the Phil?

Oh.

He was so close.

It must have been really
devastating for him.

Oh, hey.

Hey, I didn't mean to say...

David loved being a father.

Oh, I know. I know.

Of course. I'm
just saying that...

once you got pregnant,

things got a little
bit more complicated.

That's all.

Hey. Do you think we should
get some more chairs in here?

It looks like people are looking
for somewhere to sit down.

This is definitely the
weirdest way I've ever mourned

a casual acquaintance.

Dean would have
wanted it this way.

Maybe.

Life's kind of like air hockey,

- don't you think?
- Uh-oh.

Might have a hard time hanging
out with you after I hear this.

: I don't know.

We spend our days
getting whacked around,

and then, one day, we just
disappear down some black hole.

Dude, that is some deep sh*t.

I win again!

Ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Hold on.

You ever think about
what happens when we die?

Well, I'm not a medically
trained professional,

but I'm pretty sure you
generally stop breathing.

Well, our pastor was
talking about Miss Evans,

this woman in our congregation.

And he was there when she
died, and he said that

there was a calmness
that went over the room,

like a presence.

Sorry, can we go back a second?

Your, uh... your pastor?

Oh, yeah, I have been going
back to church with my family.

- Huh.
- I don't know,

church kind of filled in
a missing piece for me.

I feel like somebody
threw me a life vest.

But you still didn't
answer my question.

Do I have to?

Can't we just go play Skee-Ball,

and you can spend
a sh*t-ton of money

trying to win me
a stuffed animal?

That's exactly what would happen
'cause I suck at those games.

You suck at all games.

I'll win one for you.

You really don't want to
talk about this, do you?

Who wants to talk about death?

Death comes to all of us.

It's something that
we must accept.

To live is to die.

Well, that's literally
my suicide note.

- Oh, my God.

Mm. Joel.

- Hey, Sam.
- Hi.

- I'm so sorry about your dad.
- Thank you.

Can I get you anything? You
want something to drink?

Yeah, yeah, sure.
I'll have a beer.

- Okay, good.
- Just not an IPA.

Tastes like a
mouthful of pennies.

Mm. I like that taste.

Do you remember
when we were hanging out

with that guy Allen,

and you kept calling
his girlfriend Phoebe?

It was something close
to Phoebe, was it not?

Absolutely not. It was Emma.

- It was Emma?
- I told you that, like,

a hundred times that night.

Is that why she
was so mean to me?

Yes! Brit. Hi.

Would you please open
another bottle of wine?

Sure.

Sorry, I just can't
find the bottle opener.

Wow, is that actually
how you look for things?

That was the saddest
excuse for...

Oh, no!

What is this, on
ice skates? sh*t!

- Oh!
- I'll go get more.

It's just rolls. No
one's gonna eat these.

- Samantha, hi.
- Hi.

Can you keep your voice
down a little bit?

The rabbi can hear you.

- Sorry.
- Okay.

W-Wait. Aunt Alice,
have you met Joel?

- No.
- Oh, oh, meet Joel. - Hi.

We used to date
back in high school.

- Hi.
- He's the best guy.

- I'm Alice.
- The best guy.

And my dad always said that.
He said you were the best guy.

Well, I don't know.

- I never heard him say that.
- It's true.

Oh, my gosh, wait.
Did I tell you about

his laser disc movie
collection that I found?

- No.
- It's incredible.

And there is something in it

that I think you're
gonna want to see.

Is it Dirty Dancing?

Obviously it's Dirty Dancing.

- Come on.
- Oh, my God. Careful...

Okay, you undersold
this 'cause you told me

he had one copy
of Dirty Dancing.

He has two, and one of them
is still in the shrink-wrap.

- Are you kidding me?

Take it.

- What? No, I couldn't do that.
- Come on.

I want you to have it.

That's very sweet.

Joel, can I tell you something?

- Yeah.
- Come here.

My dad, he was right about you.

- Uh...
- You are the best guy.

And listen, I...

I know that I messed
everything up.

And I hurt you.

But I didn't...

I didn't mean to.

I-I know that.

I missed you, Joel.

I missed you, too.

Mom?

We can't leave that buffet table

unattended, Samantha, because
the Blums eat rugelach

like they've never
seen food before.

Alice, what are you doing?

I'm taking this with me.

No, Alice, please.

After the spectacle
that I just saw here today,

I don't think she
deserves to have this.

This cello is all I
have left of my brother.

And I'm not leaving
it in this house

- for one more second.
- Alice...

it belongs to
Samantha. Please.

I doubt she'll even notice.

I notice a lot
of things, Aunt Alice.

I'm very observant.

I noticed today you've been

very hard on my mother.

And I noticed that the
whole time my dad was sick,

which was for months and months,

she was there every
single second.

And when he didn't
sleep, neither did she.

Another thing that comes to mind

is that you only
visited him once

that whole time he
was in the hospital.

Why was that?

Give this cello back
to me right now, Sam.

I would rather smash
this thing to bits

than let you leave here with it.

Carol, can you
control your daughter

even for one second?

No, I can't.

You break my heart.

Both of you.

Bye!

It is
actually really heavy.

Put the cello down.

Yeah, I'm doing it. Ugh.

Brit?

Hey.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

I'm okay, I'm
okay. I just, um...

Am I supposed to just watch
her do this to herself?

I don't know why I keep trying.

But she's my best
friend, and I love her.

I get it.

It's-it's an
impossible situation.

I mean, she gives you
these, these little glimpses

- of the person she used to be.
- Exactly.

- Like flashes of the old Sam.
- Yeah, right?

And that person is, like,
so amazing and sweet,

and you just, you want
her back so badly.

So you go for it.

But it's not real.

You know, it's like
a bad joke.

And you just feel
like such a jerk.

You're not a jerk.

Do you want to go get
coffee and talk a little?

Yeah, sure. Yeah,
that'd be nice.

Okay.

Okay, I think you should take
custody of this little guy.

Seriously? You
don't want Clank?

- You named him Clank?
- Ratchet and Clank.

Does he go on your back?

- Yeah.
- Sweet. That's cool.

What are you doing for
the rest of the day?

I don't know.

You want to go back to
yours, if you're free?

And do what?

Wait. You want to
hook up right now?

I mean, yeah.

Today was really fun, you know?

Hanging out with
you made me realize

how much I've missed
you.

Cut the sh*t.

Are you, like, white-knuckling
it or something?

'Cause something's wrong.

Geez, relax, okay?

It was a simple
yes or no question.

I'm sorry it didn't reach
the existential heights

of "life is like air hockey."

You're a real piece of
work, you know that?

Forget I said anything.

- I thought you'd be into it.
- This isn't about me.

It's about you
and what you need.

Because you've
just been avoiding

what this entire day is
supposed to be about.

Fine. What do you
want to talk about?

Dean's blood alcohol content
when he clipped that pole?

Or how he hung on
at the hospital

before he went into
cardiac arrest?

Is that what you
want to talk about?

Yeah, maybe I do.

- Uh-huh.
- Maybe it'll make me feel

scared as hell, 'cause
deep down I know

that could be me
someday, or you.

So thanks for the invitation,
but I'm gonna pass.

Mm, your father could eat a
whole bowl of that by himself.

- It's so good.
- Yeah.

I wonder what the
rabbi would think about

me going to town
on this right now.

Screw the rabbi. The
crab cost me 50 bucks.

- Hell yeah, Mom.
- So enjoy.

Thank you. It's delicious.

Mm.

Oh, honey...

I know.

I know.

- I know, I know, I know.

I know.

It's all right.

I'm just...

I'm just gonna go
to sleep, okay?

- I'm really tired.
- Okay, honey.

Okay.

Good night, Mom.

Oh!

Oh, no, no, no!
- No, no, I didn't mean it.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

- I just...
- Oh, God, why?

Oh...

Why?

Why do you have to be like this?

Why?!

Why do you ruin...

everything?

Yeah, I was wondering
when things would

go back to normal around here.

Hi.

Sorry, I know it's really late.

I should have called first,

but I was just in
the neighborhood,

and I thought I could, you
know, come see the house.

Oh, uh, sure. Yeah.

- Come in.
- Cool.