01x05 - Nina the Dolphin

[bunniefuu]

I'm so single,

I'm dressed as a panda bear,

to try to find a connection with somebody.

I'm at the point now where I'm dating

probably to marry somebody.

So, are you like a nerd-nerd,

or you like a hot-nerd?

Baby, I'm a hot nerd.

Yes!

When it comes to dating,

we all go for looks first.

Is it love at first sight?

So, in this show,

everyone looks as weird as possible.

Could you fall in love with someone

based on personality alone?

a*s first, personality second.

Would you still feel

that way when you see their real face?

You are hot!

Welcome to the strangest blind date ever.

This is Sexy Beasts!

And this is Nina.

An admin assistant from San Diego

who knows exactly what she wants

in a partner.

I'm looking for a cowboy.

Who doesn't love a cowboy?

I really love the idea of just living out

on a big farm

with, like, my cowboy.

We got some horses.

Maybe little babies? I don't know.

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.

Yeah, maybe a little.

You're currently looking for love dressed

as a dolphin.

This is an opportunity for me

to build a real connection.

Not just through physical attraction,

but on a spiritual level.

I'm not a hopeless romantic.

I'm more of a hopeful romantic.

So, how can our mystery men

delight our dolphin today?

I'm hoping to find somebody

who's as adventurous as me

and free-spirited.

Somebody that I can laugh with

and likes to have fun.

I'm looking for the big, epic romance.

And nothing says epic more

than three guys in one afternoon.

Let's meet 'em.

Potential cowboy number one is Mick,

a holistic health practitioner from LA.

I am the techno prince, warrior poet,

monkey man, spiritual cowboy

on the hero's journey

to liberate humankind, yeah.

A lot to fit

in your Tinder bio, Mick.

Probably why you're here.

I'm always gonna say "yes" to adventure,

"yes" to something new, and fresh,

and exciting.

I'm always actively looking for love.

Love is everything.

Huh. Any ideas to help

you actively find love?

Sex Kung Fu.

I'm sorry, what?

Chinese philosophy

with sexual energy meditations.

We all have a bit of Sex Kung Fu in us.

That's for sure.

I suppose that explains the horn.

Next up, it's Dominic.

A model from London, England,

who's all about personality.

I get told a lot my personality

is apparently "elite."

Put any woman in front of me,

I can make her laugh, keep her interested.

So, this is not a problem.

And what you do

with this elite personality?

I live and I love the party.

Anytime, I'll be there.

Even if I've got the flu,

I still l turn up.

Even if I've got a limp, I still turn up.

He'll even party with a limp.

What a legend!

So, why are you here and not off raving?

One day, my partying will have

to slow down or even stop,

so I'm ready to find the one.

Let's hope she's got a limp fetish.

And finally, say "howdy" to Dustin,

a student originally from Texas.

Wait, Texas?

This one could actually be a cowboy.

I sh**t g*ns. I can ride horses.

I constantly wear my boots, my hat,

my pearl snaps.

So, I'mma say that I'm a cowboy.

Yeehaw!

I have two secret weapons.

There's the country boy charm

and my smile.

Well, with all that,

plus the fact that he's the only cowboy

in a "find the cowboy" competition,

I've picked my winner,

but what's Dustin here for?

Emotional connection.

Isn't that what we're here for?

You'd be surprised.

We've sent Nina to London

to freak out some locals,

and speed-date our hideous hopefuls.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

Then, based purely

on first impressions,

she'll kick one out of the competition.

Nice blowhole.

- If you're bad, it'll squirt water.

- Oh, yeah.

And only then will his

real face be revealed.

- Can I touch it?

- You don't know my name, wanna touch me?

It's a great start.

- I love your boots.

- Thanks. Well, I'm from Texas.

- This pretty much what we wear.

- Love that.

You're from Texas,

so you learn to two-step before walking.

- Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

- Really?

I love that.

Looks like someone's

cowboy senses are tingling.

Everything on paper is what I want.

We shot g*ns. We rode four-wheelers.

We like to blow stuff up.

I love that.

A little rough around the edges.

He's such a guy, you know?

And that's really hot.

I wanna know about you.

What is it that makes you tick?

- I meditate a lot, you know?

- Cool.

There's also another side of me

that I'm super energetic.

- Totally.

- It's like a balance.

You gotta have the yin,

but then the yang too.

He is very in tune with himself,

and he pays attention to me,

and I really like that.

- I grew up very shy.

- So did I.

- You did?

- I did.

- I lost my confidence in middle school.

- Yeah.

And then I kind of went into my shell.

- You don't seem like it now.

- Oh, no.

Baby girl, now, I'm crazy. Loco.

The man you're meeting today

is Mr. Confident.

He's a bright light. I definitely felt

an immediately connection with Dominic.

- You have a big truck? Awesome.

- I do.

- Yeah, I drive a Ford F-150.

- I love a big truck.

When I wake up,

I gotta make sure I do Sex Kung Fu.

- Sex Kung Fu? What's that?

- Yes.

It's Chinese Daoist philosophy

and energy exercises.

Love that. Wanna know more about it.

- I don't know anything about that.

- It's amazing.

Vulnerability is our biggest muscle.

- One hundred percent. One hundred.

- Yeah, baby, come on.

I like to travel.

I like to party, socialize.

What was your best travel story?

I went to Cancún.

And I hear Americans do this thing

called a wet t-shirt contest.

Wet t-shirt contest? Interesting.

Interesting thing to bring up

on a first date.

These times, I'm not really confident.

I was like, "What's going on here?"

So, I look back at that,

and then months after

is when I started to come out my shell.

So, maybe,

Cancún was the place I found myself.

- I like that. You found your soul there.

- Yes.

At a wet t-shirt contest

on spring break.

Well,

at least Dustin's crushing it.

Uh

So

you have any

I like your fin.

- Oh, thank you. I combed it out for you.

- It's very sleek.

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Did a little buffing.

You really shined it up.

It's just surprising how, like,

Dustin can tick all the boxes,

but I'm curious to see whether or not

the connection is there.

- What's the future look like for you?

- Honestly, I'm just

always seeking happiness.

I don't think happiness is ever tied

to a certain job.

- I think it's Are you yawning?

- I'm burping. Sorry.

Just giving her a taste

of that elite personality.

With time almost up,

Mick brings out the big g*ns.

What did the elephant say

to the naked man?

I don't know. What?

"How can you breathe

with that small thing?"

His wiener.

Oh, my God.

Should've stuck to Sex Kung Fu.

So, speed dates done.

How are our latex-covered ladies' men

feeling about their chances?

We seem to mesh really well.

I mean, it's totally up to her,

but I was vibing.

Really much so.

It was weird dating someone

without knowing what they look like.

I thought there was definitely something

that could be built on there.

I think our connection was great,

and I think it was a good introduction

to what could be a bright future ahead.

More importantly though,

did Nina find the potential

for her epic cowboy romance?

It was better than I expected it to be.

I connected with all of them well.

This is gonna be a really tough decision.

Time now to go to Sexy Beasts Manor,

the corridors of which echo

with the haunted howls

of those dumped throughout the centuries,

and where Nina will now ditch

the beast she bounded with the least,

before his real face is revealed.

Hi.

Thank you all for spending time with me.

It was so much fun

connecting with you all.

I had such an amazing time.

Dominic,

from the beginning, I felt your light.

We flowed very easily,

and I had a great chemistry with you.

But you did mention

partying and traveling,

and I don't know if I fit into that.

It sounded more like a solo trip.

Dustin, you fit like the cowboy

that I want.

We had so much in common

but there is some kind of veil

in between us.

Mick, you spoke

the same spiritual language as me,

and I thought we had connection

and chemistry,

which is very rare to find.

But I feel like you're on this journey

toward self-discovery,

and I don't wanna get in the way.

I have made a decision,

and the person I will be saying goodbye

to is

Dustin.

What? She ditched the cowboy?

I'm sorry.

I know that whoever finds you

is one very lucky woman.

Thank you so much.

I appreciate just having the opportunity

with you.

Disappointed?

No. If she didn't feel the connection,

I respect her opinion.

- Thank you so much.

- Thank you.

Scarecrow's still on the market.

As soon as I heard the Texan accent,

I was like,

"He's the one for sure."

But now I've realize

how important connection is.

He was perfect on paper,

but Dustin the Cowboy is riding off

into the sunset

after we discover what's underneath

that burlap headwrap.

He could slip into my chaps anytime.

Will Nina regret her decision

when she sees him?

- You think he's handsome?

- I think he's a handsome cowboy.

It's time to find out.

- Oh, hi!

- Oh, my God!

That's right.

Aw, you're so cute.

- He's cute.

- You are.

Big shoes to fill.

Big shoes to fill.

Dustin is adorable, but I can't wait

to go on a date with Dominic and Mick.

I'm so excited.

We know how our dolphin feels,

but will Dustin be disappointed

when he gets glimpse of the real Nina?

- No, I'm okay, thank you.

- Come on.

I don't need to know.

I was here for emotional connection.

If it's not there, it's not there.

Physical doesn't matter.

Okay, buddy.

Our mantis and rhino

now have one last chance

to blow our bottlenose beauty away,

before she picks her Sexy Beast,

and the masks come off.

First up, it's Dominic.

I wouldn't say I have tactics to win

because that's a slippery slope.

I'm just gonna go in there, be me,

and hopefully it works.

And Dom's got the perfect date

to bowl Nina over.

Ten pins

Let's set the tone, baby.

one big opportunity.

Don't know what that was. A warm-up.

I'm letting her win. Shush.

Don't tell anyone.

She's not really good at the game,

so it's hard to let her win.

Lemme rub for good luck.

- There you go.

- For good luck.

Here we go.

That's the

- Buddy, you got it!

- You rubbed it, look what happened.

It's 'cause I touched your ba*ls.

Your ball, I mean.

I'm already attracted to Dom's personality

and his energy.

I think it'll be a great day.

I'll rub yours for good luck.

Okay, here. Rub it.

I have to ask you a question first.

What is, like, your ideal woman?

Personality, for me, is everything.

If we can't have a conversation,

you could be the best-looking girl,

- I don't care.

- Forget it.

- That's it.

- Now you can

Now, rub it.

Bang!

That's good enough for me.

You know what I always wanted to do?

Slide down the bowling alley.

- You wanna slide down a bowling alley?

- Yeah.

Let's do it! Come on!

- You actually want me to slide down?

- What's wrong with that?

ba*ls go down, so we can go down too.

I'll do it, but if you don't pick me

after I've ruined my lovely shirt,

we're gonna have words.

- Oh, okay.

- Ready?

Here we go.

We've all dreamed of doing this,

and a praying mantis doing it

should be spectacular.

That was poor.

It really was.

- Good job. High five.

- "Good job. High five?"

- I should get a hug.

- Hug. Yes, definitely.

Although, kudos to Dom

for getting a hug out of total failure.

He's game for anything.

If he's game for that, he's game

for the other crazy ideas I have.

Go on, dolphin.

She's really cool.

I like her a lot, actually.

I feel good about today.

- You believe in love?

- Absolutely, I believe.

It's something we have within ourselves

that we're looking for someone

to share that with.

I feel like, with you, you would bring out

another side of me, an emotional side.

Yeah, this is the best-looking dolphin

you've ever seen, huh?

Sexy dolphin.

Dom said I was a sexy dolphin.

I don't know that kind of made me blush.

What do you look for in a guy?

I look for spontaneity.

- I like a guy that can have a lot of fun.

- You're like the female version of me.

I feel like you're the male version of me.

It's funny.

Doesn't matter what she looks like,

but if she's attractive,

which I think she is,

she has the full package,

I'll probably buy a ring.

Dom did pretty well. A great date today.

- I won't wash my hand.

- Good.

Expectations are a little high,

so Mick has big shoes to fill.

But if anyone can fill them,

surely it's the rhino.

I feel like an animal right now,

and I'm that white rhino.

I'm a rare find.

You're not gonna wanna, um,

say "no" to this.

The setting for Mick's date

couldn't be more perfect:

a quaint British village

and a horse-drawn carriage.

The most romantic method of travel known

to man,

and other mammals.

So cute!

- Hello.

- Hi.

- I love this.

- Yes.

- Come on in.

- Thank you.

A dolphin and a rhino.

Let's paint the town red, baby.

- This is so beautiful!

- I know.

I'm so excited!

Woo-hoo!

Have you been on one of these before?

Never in this situation.

How does it feel to have nothing

but your heart speaking for you right now?

Kind of liberating.

Very liberating.

This is amazing.

Yeah.

I think the vibe between us is good.

I think there's good chemistry there.

Snuggling up with Mick

is so much fun.

He opened the door for me.

He held his hand out,

very much like a Prince Charming.

Let's get snug.

I feel like I'm in a Hallmark movie.

Like, I'm living

my Hallmark movie dream right now.

Sweet.

But if Hallmark movies started looking

like this,

then things have taken a very dark turn.

Tell me a story.

Once upon a time, two unexpected animals

ride a carriage through the streets

of an old country town.

This date, it's straight out of my dreams.

This's been great though, babe.

Hmm.

I felt a strong connection.

Mick was wonderful.

There's interspecies relationships

happening on my grounds.

I won't stand for it.

- Bottoms up.

- Bottoms up.

Let's see if we can drink this thing.

Ah, the majesty of the rhino

at the watering hole.

That was smooth. That was really smooth.

That's really good.

I like the way you drink that beer.

So, like, when you take off your mask,

do you wear an actual mask?

I don't like to.

I like to leave my heart out on my sleeve.

- You roll with the punches. Like me.

- I roll with it.

- Like those beers rolling down.

- Exactly.

- Rolling down your shirt.

- Down my cheek.

I feel like Mick's the guy version of me.

I know I said Dominic was,

but I don't know.

I might have to take that back

and say Mick

is actually more similar to me.

Gimme your hand.

Let's meditate.

Breathing in through our nose

or our snout.

Hold.

Exhaling all the way out with a sigh.

Yeah, there's something beautiful

about beer, cold weather,

and just a nice breathing in

and breathing out

can settle all that good chi

and get us in that state of lovey-dovey.

- An air kiss.

- Mmm.

Yeah, Mick and I had

a little intimate moment.

He is a really good nose kisser.

- We were the talk of the town.

- We were.

I really wasn't expecting

to find two amazing guys.

- You have a big decision to make.

- Yes.

One of the toughest decisions ever.

When the masks come off,

the real fun begins.

Let's just say that, okay?

And that time has come.

As we head back to the manor,

where Nina will choose her sexy beast,

and we'll find out what everyone really

looks like.

Was it worth Dom ruining his lovely shirt?

That was poor!

Or will Mick win it

Hmm.

by a nose?

Hi, guys. How's it going?

Good, but tense.

Stakes are high, babe.

Very high.

I wanna thank you for spending time

with me.

This has been two of the best dates ever.

This is gonna be really tough for me.

Dom, thank you for being spontaneous

with me.

It was really great getting to know you,

and you're really a special person.

Mick

I had so much fun

on our romantic carriage ride,

so thank you for being such a gentleman

and living that romantic dream out

with me.

Unfortunately, I can only choose one.

So, my Sexy Beast is

Mick.

The rhino is her Romeo!

- Thank you. Heart to heart, babe.

- Mick.

- Dom.

- No hard feelings.

- Did you say, "No hug for you?"

- What?

Hardly in keeping

with an elite personality.

- No, I said, "No hard feelings."

- Oh, no hard feelings, okay.

I came, I gave it my best shot.

Um, I tried for Britain, I failed.

I let the Americans win.

But my bro, Mick, he's a really nice guy.

So, if anyone deserves it, it's Mick.

The Dolphin Queen choose me.

I mean, what?

I already fell in love with, uh,

Mick's personality,

and he makes me laugh a lot,

and that's what matters.

You fell in love?

Okay, maybe I said "love" too soon.

I think I meant a lot of like.

I'm in like with him.

Will that like turn to love

when the masks come off?

It's time to find out as we unpeel

and reveal.

First up,

it's the delicious dolphin herself.

This is the real Nina.

Incredible!

She looks so much better

without a massive blowhole.

Mick's not gonna believe his third eye.

But before those Sexy Beasts unite,

let's meet the man beneath the mantis.

Whoa!

Be honest,

who was expecting that blonde bombshell?

Will Nina regret her decision?

Let's find out

in the manor's twinkling Tunnel of Love.

Hi, Dom.

- Jesus!

- You're so cute.

- You're so cute!

- Stop it. Stop it.

Such a sweetie.

Oh, my gosh, Dom was so cute.

He was super precious,

and I was not expecting him

to be that good-looking.

When I saw Nina come down, I was like,

"Damn, she's a very good-looking girl."

Before I go, I wanna let you know,

my future is so bright,

I wear sunglasses at night.

Oh!

- Good luck. Take care.

- Bye. Thank you.

Dom's future may be bright,

but Mick's present is even brighter.

Time to brace yourself for the big reveal.

What does Nina's Sexy Beast look like

under that two-inch-thick rhino hide?

And will their spiritual connection

send sparks flying skywards?

Hi.

Hi.

The rhino hid a mop of curly hair

and a jawline you could cut glass with.

Oh, my goodness.

- You are beautiful.

- You're hot!

- I was not expecting this hotness.

- God's been kind to you too.

He's better-looking than I would've hoped.

Like, I was not expecting

that level of hotness, and I love it!

Yeah,

I'm happy with what she looks like.

And so, right now, I can feel my heart

just opening.

Wait, give me schnoz kisses now. Mmm.

I honestly was a little shy because I felt

like he was a stranger.

I feel like it's the first date again,

which is really exciting.

- Would you like my jacket? It's cold.

- I would love that.

Looks like chivalry's not dead.

This could progress to Sex Kung Fu though,

so maybe we should wrap it up.

- What did you like about the Rhino?

- I liked the animal.

You got plenty of that, baby.

I might be wrapped

in a pretty spiritual cowboy,

but I'm a beast.

I like that.

I guess I did get my cowboy in the end.

- I'm really happy.

- I'm freezing my a*s off.

Love is not a competition for me.

Playing with someone's dangly bits

is a sign it's going well.

Oh, sh*t!

I'm gonna grab him

by the ba*ls and never let go.