02x02 - Ibukun the Mummy

[bunniefuu]

One of my doubts about you was that

you haven't been in a relationship before,

so why do you think that is?

I just go for the wrong people.

What about you?

I used to, like, get myself into

some weird situations.

No, nothing weird about this.

[narrator] Let's face it,

when it comes to dating,

it's all about looks.

- I was on the cover of Playboy.

- [slurping]

So, in this show we've made

everyone look ridiculous.

I think it looks like a ball bag.

Could you fall in love

based only on personality?

This could possibly be love.

And would you change your mind

when you saw their real face?

- Wow, wow, wow.

- Welcome to the weirdest blind date ever.

Are you ready to marry me?

This is Sexy Beasts.

And this is Ibukun,

a Harvard graduate

and project manager from Atlanta, Georgia.

I've been single for two and a half years.

I'm kinda nervous, not gonna lie.

If I could find somebody solid

who is cool and laid back

and goofy and real,

I think that's super attractive.

Well, one of these three

could be your perfect match.

But what are you bringing to the table?

Any good pickup lines?

I really don't have game like that.

As far as, like, being a Don Juan, nah.

I I don't got it.

If roasting was a love language

it would be my number one,

because I am the king of the goofballs.

Am I gonna be roasting my dates today?

Hell yeah.

[laughing]

Great.

So, let's meet the three ladies who need

to ready themselves for a roasting.

First up is Dani, a sales consultant

from Bedfordshire, England.

I've had two long-term relationships,

and they slowly crashed and burned.

I want the next person that

I bring home to be kind,

don't be a d*ck, don't be rude.

Just be nice. It's not hard.

So, aside from not being a d*ck,

what else in a guy

would get our fly buzzing?

I'm definitely looking for someone

to get into trouble with.

A guy needs to be your best friend

that you wanna bonk.

And who wouldn't want to, uh, bonk a fly?

People have fetishes, like, about feet.

Why not flies?

Okay.

Hoping that Ibukun hasn't

got a penchant for pests

is Jada, a student from Florida.

I'm hoping to see if I really am

the catch that I think I am

without my face.

Sounds like there's something

pretty special lurking under that latex.

My face is typically the kicker for me.

My personality is always just a plus.

I am a WAP.

Um, yeah. A A what?

Wonderful-a*s personality.

Oh, thank God.

Uh, well, let's hope Ibukun agrees.

I wonder what he looks like.

I wonder what he's gonna say.

I wonder what we're gonna talk about.

I'm super excited!

[laughing]

We've got a super excited WAP

on our hands, people.

This could get interesting.

Finishing our trio of terrifying

temptresses is Oksana,

a teacher from Sacramento, California.

I've dated the cheater.

I've dated the best friend.

They didn't work out. So, here we are.

I do tend to get a lot of guys

that hit on me,

but it's not usually the ones

that you want.

Someone actually said,

"Are you from Tennessee?

'Cause you're the only ten I see."

Are we back in 2002?

Never say that again.

Well, at least the mummy's

got no pickup lines.

So, how you feeling about

your fleecy face?

I do think I rely on my looks.

Right now,

I know I look great, so it's fine.

Greatest of all time,

right here. I love it.

But will Ibukun think she's the GOAT, too?

Let's find out, as he speed-dates

our three freaky femmes.

- I'm Dani.

- Ibukun.

Oh, wow.

Think like Pikachu, but Ibukun.

- Oh, Pikachu's so cute.

- Yeah.

After the dates, he'll kick out

whoever he connected with the least.

These ears are so funny to me.

- My beard. Do you like this?

- The beard, I'm trying not to notice it.

And her real face will be revealed.

- I don't drink things I can't see through.

- Why?

I like people to keep it transparent

with me, just like my drinks.

Who's gonna perk up his pyramid?

- I'm a teacher.

- What?

My favorite is high school,

like, freshmen.

They're just, like, really sweet.

- They're still growing in their skin.

- Such a good answer.

I love people who can teach skills.

That says something about

how you communicate.

Just don't do seniors and you're fine.

They're just rated R.

Yes. [chuckling]

I was not one of the R-rated seniors.

I was in my books.

It's corny to hit on a teacher.

- I am the one that that makes the party.

- Wow, wow. Okay.

- And I saw that with confidence.

- Wow, okay.

She had a lot of confidence.

A very powerful presence.

- To know me is to love me, I can say.

- To me, that's super attractive.

I'm trying to picture

what you look like underneath.

I think the things you can see

are super important. Like the eyes?

- Yeah.

- Striking.

Well, you can't see it,

but I'm blushing. [giggling]

When she said she was blushing,

it was cute.

Not gonna lie.

I was like, okay, I got some points.

If you had a type, what would you say?

I like them to be charming and confident,

'cause I think confidence

is really important.

If you're an empty cup

you can't fill another cup.

You gotta be happy.

If you're not happy, you're not happy.

She's not wrong.

If you're not happy, you're not happy.

When did this show get so deep?

What's your normal type?

- I don't have a type.

- I knew you'd say that.

- And I hate it, I hate it.

- Don't execute me now.

I like a guy that can show me a good time,

show me something I've never done.

Can you make me remember you

and want to hang out with you?

Wow. My chest got a little tight.

[laughing]

The house that I live in,

it's, like, 300 years old.

[exhales sharply]

Whoa.

Are you not scared of, like, ghosts?

There's things that go bump in the night.

When you say bump in the night,

is it, like, big bumps,

or, like, understandable bumps?

[hesitates] Big bumps.

[both laughing]

What is your most embarrassing story?

One of my family members

was getting married,

and I brought a date with me.

You know, weddings,

you're eating the whole time

Yeah.

So, I think my stomach was

just super upset, and

[whimpers]

The Uber ride home, I started, you know,

just lay some gassy bombs, you know?

- This is what happens.

- So, in your sleep, you You farted?

Yeah. Uh-huh. That's it.

- Okay. That's a good answer.

- What about you? Gimme yours.

I was six years old,

I had just learned to ride a bike,

and my feet get caught in the spokes.

It's just like bike, me, bike, me.

All I wanted to do was cry and go home.

Your embarrassing story's

not embarrassing! This is not fair.

You owe me a real

embarrassing story. [giggling]

When it's me and my friend group,

we be cracking jokes,

roasting each other

You like roasting your friends?

- That's my love language.

- Oh.

I hate you so much for saying that,

because I said if roasting was

a love language, that'd be my top.

[laughing]

She stole the words from my mouth.

That's a win, any day of the week.

Thank you.

Have you ever, um,

taken that exam about love languages?

- No. What's that?

- Okay.

Basically, it's this idea where people

receive and give love in different ways.

Okay.

I thought love language was

a bit more like sexy talk,

and a bit more of this and that.

Oh, she's fluent in sign language.

So, was anyone other than Dani

speaking the language of love today?

I definitely think that we had chemistry.

I've never not gotten a second date,

and I'm pretty confident that

that's gonna continue.

I would like to go on another date.

I think the experience is really fun,

but his embarrassing story

wasn't embarrassing at all.

Oh, he is a really cool guy.

I'm hoping that I've got certain features

about me that have attracted him.

I could show him a good time.

[laughing]

They were three very dynamic individuals

with super unique personalities,

but I'm making this decision

purely based on chemistry.

When you feel that click,

you feel that click.

But who did our mummy

click with the least?

We'll find out at Sexy Beasts Manor,

a stately home designed for dumping.

Rated one star on TripAdvisor

because of too much heartbreak.

One of our ladies is

about to be eliminated

and have her real face revealed.

Good evening, ladies.

It was a pleasure

to get to know all of you.

Jada,

I really love your vibrance

and confidence.

The fact that roasting is one of

your love languages is great.

Dani,

I really appreciated your depth,

and the happiness

that you bring to a room.

Oksana,

I respect your life philosophy.

I also think it's super admirable that

you give so much through teaching.

Unfortunately, I have to lose someone.

And the person I'm losing is

[tense music playing]

Oksana.

- Oksana's been taught a valuable lesson.

- Okay.

Fart stories and first dates

don't always mix.

So good to meet you guys.

I'm not that disappointed.

Ibukun was super nice,

but he wasn't for me.

If I see her and she's breathtaking,

I stand by my decision.

I made my choice on

personality and chemistry.

That's what this is all about.

He's not wrong,

and that lack of chemistry

means the goat's gotta go.

Time to wave the wool goodbye

and meet the real Oksana.

Wow!

Well, I wouldn't kick her out of

my cab for a gassy b*mb.

We're sat here like this,

and she's gonna be smoking hot.

[Jada] Yeah.

- [Jada] Wow.

- [Dani] You're stunning.

[Ibukun] That's crazy.

Sheesh.

[Jada] Oksana, is that you?

Girl, you look good!

So, this is me, not as a goat.

- The red dress is a very good choice.

- Thank you.

- I knew you'd be cute, but you're hot.

- Thank you.

Okay, keep going. [giggling]

That's nice, when you walk in

and everyone goes, "Wow."

I said I wasn't gonna be disappointed,

and I'm gonna stand by that.

However, she is gorgeous.

So, the mummy thinks Oksana's a honey.

But what will she think when she gets

a look beneath Ibukun's pharaoh face?

Yeah, he's handsome.

Probably not my type, but not ugly.

Ah, the coveted "not ugly."

Dani and Jada now have one more chance

to court our corpse

before he chooses his sexy beast

and we find out what they all look like.

Is Jada still confident?

I have never had to fight

over a man in my life.

I'm pretty sure I can hook his attention.

That'll be a yes, then.

And for her date, Jada's off with Ibukun

to the historic city of Cambridge

for a truly romantic boat ride

on the river.

And doesn't she look delighted?

- [crashing]

- Oh, my God.

Hey, you're gonna be fine, I promise.

And I don't got no life jacket on.

While Ibukun tries to soothe Jada,

allow me to introduce Matteo.

Take a good look at his face now,

because from here on in

you'll mainly be seeing his groin.

In the rare event that we do,

like, capsize

I can count on you to

jump in and save me, right?

- Listen, Jada

- [giggling]

Okay. I like the smoothness.

I like the smoothness.

He definitely made me feel cozy.

It was very effortless.

I truly felt special in that moment.

I felt really comfortable,

and feel comfortable, around Jada.

It felt like the right thing to do

in that moment.

Hearing you speak about your passions

to me was so attractive. I feel like

It just made me want to, like,

appreciate you, you know what I'm saying?

I don't know how to put that into words,

but that's how it made me feel.

That was I like that.

- I don't know what to say to that.

- [Matteo] Wait.

- Just enjoy the moment.

- I don't know what to say.

Yeah, the moment might have passed.

Sorry, guys.

The pole gets stuck sometimes. I lost it.

Oh, you're fine.

He lost He lost

Like, it

- [crashing]

- Jesus Christ.

- There's the pole, if you have a look.

- Wow. Ooh.

I have a theory that

the young man lost the pole on purpose

because he's seeing

how much of a good time we're having,

and he wanted to

keep it up for as long as he could.

I do think it was destiny

for the pole to get stuck.

Right up until a nice man in a blue

pullover laughed in the face of destiny

and gave it back.

You said roasting is your love language.

I'm not gonna tell you to roast me now,

'cause there's nothing

to roast, obviously.

I'm kinda like a homebody.

Me and my friends hang out

and make brownies and drink wine, so

- That, to me, is a good time.

- So you got a grandma side too?

- Okay, it's not a grandma side.

- Okay, okay.

I'm not no grandma now.

Ain't nothing grandma about this, okay?

She says, with a plaid blanket

keeping her legs warm.

I think he just used that

for lack of better words.

I don't think he thinks I'm a grandma,

'cause this grandma can Can get down.

Before Jada pushes Ibukun into the river,

Matteo sensibly steers them back to

shore for some post-punt Prosecco.

I will say, like, this has been

probably the most perfect date

I've been on in my life.

So, scale of one to ten, how close?

I'm going to give this date a solid ten.

That's a big compliment. I don't think

I ever received something that nice.

I would have to echo that as probably

being one of my, like, best dates.

The way that she thinks

and the way that she moves is sexy,

so if that could be completed

with the way she looks? Oof.

I like my mask,

I don't think I look mischievous.

It's kind of like a mix between,

like, the Grinch and It.

[laughing]

I think the chemistry between us

is undeniable, honestly.

I felt like a pretty woman.

Even though I was looking at

his dead face, he made me feel pretty.

[laughing]

Dani definitely has,

like, a lot to compete with,

but I have faith in her, too.

Cheers to a great date and great company.

I don't really care what type of date

they have, because the man is mine.

So, it looks like Dani needs to create

some serious buzz to beat off Jada.

I'm gonna try and make him laugh,

but I'm hoping that we just click

and we vibe, and we get on really well.

Well, she's in luck,

because nothing has been proven

to induce a romantic vibe

more than a few plastic jungle animals

and a round of mini-golf.

- Stand back.

- Stay Okay.

We're so classy.

I've played mini-golf maybe twice before,

so I'm not the greatest at it.

But I'm super competitive.

[Ibukun] Har-harr!

Oh, what a charming laugh.

- I'll let you restart.

- [laughing]

Do you think my face, like, resembles,

like, body parts? [chuckling]

On the nose, it kinda looks like sausages.

Uh, sausages,

or are we thinking something else?

Oh, no, no, no.

I wasn't even going there, uh

I think it looks like a ball bag.

A really old man's ball bag. [giggling]

If you're an old man and your b*ll s*ck

does look like that, call a doctor now.

I feel bad for you.

You must feel like you're underwater.

It's horrible. It's like ear boobs.

That's what I keep calling them.

Or eye boobs.

- Are they squishy? Can I?

- Yeah, you can give it a grope.

Oh, my God, you proper grabbed it!

- You well grabbed. [laughing]

- We'll take that, we'll take that.

- [buzzing]

- [shrieking]

[laughing]

I really just don't do bees.

I don't do bees at all,

in any shape or form,

so if I see a team of them

coming for me, I'm out.

A team of bees? Come on.

Everyone knows

the collective noun is a crapload.

- Hey!

- Wahey!

- There was definitely a connection.

- Oh, yeah.

I felt a bit of a spark.

[laughing]

Definitely had a click.

There was a good vibe there.

He's a really cool guy.

- Don't give it that much

- I'll let you do the swing.

Oh, now, this is a classic mini-golf play.

- You want me to swing again?

- Yeah.

Firm grip on the shaft,

line up for a good stroke,

and then swing your wood.

- You said you wanted me to swing

- I know, I got excited.

I think he was just trying to,

like, snuggle up to me, really.

Wanted another feel of my eye boobs.

Why? Why'd you make me lose?

We both lost on that one.

There's this one time I had a date,

not only did she knock my drink over,

but as she did,

she farted very audibly loud.

No way.

It was a loud and proud

[buzzing]

He's back for you. The bee is back.

[whimpering]

I definitely found

the banter with him good fun.

- I feel like I'm flying.

- Oh, yeah.

Especially when he could laugh off

that he was scared of bees.

[laughing] It's gone.

In my defense, it was a strategy.

I was taking the bees away from her,

and diverting their attention

so she could stay safe.

Yeah, sure.

Golf mastered, our potential lovebirds

find the perfect activity to warm up,

look sexy, and avoid bees.

- Great day for an ice lolly.

- I know, right?

It was a good date.

You were great company

with the interesting nose,

and the eyeballs really did it for me.

- That's 'cause I let you squeeze them.

- [laughing]

If you can't laugh with someone,

that is gonna be one boring relationship.

Yeah, I completely agree. And you have to

be able to laugh at that person.

- I definitely laughed at you today.

- Yeah, I know you did.

I heard you when I left for those bees.

They're both great people, and their

energies are completely different.

This decision is going to be

tough for sure.

Assuming he's not been attacked

by another team of bees,

Ibukun has returned to the manor

and will now choose his sexy beast.

Will he climb back aboard

the love boat with Jada?

- [crashing]

- Oh, Jesus Christ.

Or have the irresistible

eye boobs won it for Dani?

You can give it a grope.[laughing]

Ladies, I want to thank you

for the time that you spent with me.

Both of you connected with me

in amazing ways, and

And I really enjoyed both dates.

Dani, I think we had

a lot of the same values,

and I think you're a great person

with a great head on your shoulders.

Jada, I appreciated our back-and-forths,

you make me feel energized and alive,

and I think you just have

a great energy about you.

This has been

an incredibly difficult decision,

but I have made my choice.

And my sexy beast is

[tense music playing]

Jada.

Congratulations.

The fly's been swatted, and Jada cannot

wipe the smile off her face. Literally.

[Dani] I'm a little bit disappointed.

I did feel, like, a click.

I thought he was a really nice guy.

I felt so bad having to let Dani down,

but I think that I genuinely made

the best decision for me.

It would be the perfect ending

if he turns out to be my ideal guy,

but he already is, without his looks.

This could possibly be love.

Whoa. Big talk.

We'll see Jada's real face

and discover if it is love in a moment,

but first let's unwrap our yummy mummy

to reveal the real Ibukun.

Well, if that's what mummification does

for you, sign me up.

But before Ibukun meets his sexy beast,

here's what Dani looks like

once we've turned her into a no fly zone.

Refreshingly, there's no

old man's b*ll s*ck in sight,

but there is some amazing ink work.

Time for Ibukun to see what he's let go

as we move back into

the Great Hall of Romance

where they'll meet each other

for the first time.

- [Ibukun] Wow.

- [Dani] Hey.

- How are you?

- I'm good, how are you?

- It's good to see you.

- And you.

- That's what you look like under the mask.

- I know.

- I never would've guessed. At all.

- No, didn't you?

That's crazy.

You look really good, though.

- Thanks.

- I like the dress and shoes.

And the tattoos. Wow.

Dani is gorgeous, and she looks

nothing like I thought she would.

It's good to see you

without the ba*ls on your head.

The b [laughing]

Yeah, the same. You look good.

I think there was chemistry,

especially when he walked in.

There was a little bit of flirting.

Obviously, I'm gonna flirt a bit. Why not?

- It was great seeing you.

- And you. Take care.

I'm feeling a teeny bit upset

I didn't choose her,

but I still think I made the right choice.

[quietly] Wow!

Here we go.

One more reveal for Ibukun,

as he finally meets his sexy beast.

She thinks it could possibly be love,

but will they both feel that way

when they meet for the very first time?

[quietly] Wow.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

I could say the same.

You look amazing. I love this dress.

Thank you.

Whoa.

If all grandmas looked this good,

family parties would get really awkward.

- Do you think you made the right choice?

- I know I made the right choice.

[sighs] Jada.

[exhales sharply]

Wow.

I just told myself, like,

okay, if he's ugly, like, it's okay.

You were gonna fake it?

I was gonna fake it.

Ibukun has the personality

and the looks to match.

Can you do a A spin for me?

I like, I like, I like.

There's definitely more roasting sessions

to come, and possibly some romance.

We all knew that I was going to

take the man home, and I did.

[Ibukun] Yeah.

I have squashed that fly.

Eh, anything a bit more on message?

I think this is

the start of something new.

Aw, lovely.

- I feel like we should get outta here.

- I think so, too.

Mm.

- Convince me I need you.

- I peed in the soup.

I'm in here like swimwear.

You're beautiful

- Devon and Nigel making tarts together ♪

- I'll make them touch it.

- [groaning]

- It's intense.

[theme music playing]