02x04 - Sullie the Bat

[bunniefuu]

One of my doubts about you was that

you haven't been in a relationship before,

so why do you think that is?

I just go for the wrong people.

What about you?

I used to, like, get myself into

some weird situations.

No, nothing weird about this.

Let's face it,

when it comes to dating,

it's all about looks.

I was on the cover of Playboy.

So, in this show,

we've made everyone look ridiculous.

I think it looks like a ball bag.

Could you fall in love

based only on personality?

This could possibly be love.

And would you change your mind

when you saw their real face?

- Wow, wow, wow.

- Welcome to the weirdest blind date ever.

Are you ready to marry me?

This is Sexy Beasts.

And this sonar-guided saucy boy

is Sullie, a chef from New York City.

I fall in love with every

single girl I get with.

- I don't know what to do anymore.

- Well, then, this one should be easy.

So, what's our lovestruck

Lothario looking for?

I'm looking for somebody

who is weird, goofy

and, yeah, I love to eat,

so why not be matched with

somebody who's just like me?

Okay. And how you been

prepping for this experience?

- I've been dating my brother.

- Wha? Your brother?

I've been having him play

a whole bunch of women,

just to test me

and see if I'm suitable to date them.

Thorough and weird. Did it work?

Yes and no.

Just in case it's more no,

have you got a backup plan?

I can win any girl's heart with

my signature burger, the Sullie Burger.

Also my poetry.

Either/or, I'm gonna win her heart.

Well, let's meet the girls

who are about to be beguiled

by either Sullie's words,

or his meat.

First up is Jess, a dental hygienist

from Cambridgeshire, England.

I've not had the best dating history.

I was in a long-term relationship,

and my partner thought it was a good idea

to sleep with a family member

while I was asleep upstairs.

She won't be coming to

Christmas dinner again.

Now, that is super dark.

I really do wanna be in a relationship.

I need to settle down.

And who would you like

to settle down with?

I have a major obsession

with Harry Potter.

To the point where I do have tattoos

of Daniel Radcliffe's face on my leg.

So, my ideal man would have to be

into Harry Potter and not be a muggle.

And that is how you open

Jess's Gryffindor.

Next up is Kamri,

a construction worker and belly dancer

from Springfield, Massachusetts.

Usually when a date finds out

that I'm a belly dancer,

they do find it very sexy.

They may not get a dance right away,

but it'll come eventually if I like you.

So, why has Kamri uprooted

herself to join us?

I am so over dating apps.

I find it hard to find actual connection.

I do think I can fall for somebody

without seeing their real face.

Personality is extremely

important to me.

And does our tree have any go-to moves

that can make love blossom?

If I'm out at a bar,

I usually use, like, the eye flirting.

I mean, talk about getting wood.

Finally, meet Lindsey,

a sales worker from Philadelphia.

I've been single

for three or four years now.

Okay. That's quite a long time.

So, how do you normally try to woo a guy?

I'll just non-stop text.

"What are you doing?"

"Come over." "Come over later, then."

And just keep texting him to the point

where he responds or he just blocks me.

Right.

So, other than an unlimited text plan,

what else are you after in a man?

I definitely don't wanna date

the hottest guy in the room.

I did go out with this super-hot guy once.

I couldn't stop staring at him.

I'm looking for probably

like an eight out of ten.

Maybe a seven.

Sullie, who may or may not be

a seven or above,

will now speed-date

our mutant maidens in a London bar.

- Can I feel your, like, hairy bits?

- What?!

Based on first impressions,

he'll then eliminate

and unmask one of them.

I'm Alvin and the Chipmunks', um, sister.

So, do you want me to

talk like this? Or just

Before taking the remaining two

on second dates.

All I require from you is

to just say one line for me.

"I am Groot."

I'm like Groot's mom.

So, who's got the chat to charm the bat?

- So, what do you do?

- I'm a chef.

- Uh, do you know what's funny?

- What?

I had told my friends that

I want my next boyfriend to be a chef.

- Oh.

- 'Cause your girl loves to eat.

Okay. So, you're gonna like my burgers.

- Can I please touch your face?

- Oh yeah!

Okay.

Oh, my God.

- Yeah, do you wanna touch my face?

- Yeah.

- Oh, wow. Oh, my God.

- Oh, yes. Oh, my God.

So, can you hear really

well in those ears?

Yeah. I mean,

right now you're yelling at me.

- I'm sorry.

- I'm lying. You're not.

I can't hear anything.

I'm a dental hygienist.

- You got nice teeth. Go on. Yeah.

- Thank you.

Apart from that,

I do, like, oh, fire-breathing.

- Well, you can torch my soul any day and

- Oh, my God.

- In there with the dad jokes.

- I got the body for it.

Yeah. No, you're fine.

Oh, thank you.

I wouldn't say I'm the smoothest talker,

but sometimes my corniness works.

- I'm gonna like pickin' at your brain.

- Oh!

If she likes that, then I definitely

feel I could have a good time with her.

- I do stand-up comedy.

- Really?

Have you ever, like,

done stand-up in comedy clubs or?

I did a couple times

at one in Philly called Helium.

Oh, cool, cool, cool.

I'm a huge fan of stand-up comedy.

Maybe I should just go on a second date

with you, 'cause you're gonna be famous.

Yeah, definitely.

Anyone who loves stand-up comedy

definitely has a funny bone,

so that's definitely a plus point.

What do you like doing?

What's your hobbies?

Um, so I'm a belly dancer.

Can I Can I get on one knee right now?

Absolutely.

I'll give you a dance

while you're down there and seal the deal.

Just from the conversation alone

and the fact that she's a belly dancer,

she can rock my world.

- Yeah, I'm afraid of heights.

- Are you?

- Wouldn't jump out a plane?

- Have you?

Yeah, it's wicked.

Now I know how

you lost the top of your head.

- You really love these dad jokes.

- Oh, God. They're actually cracking me up.

- Marry me!

- Not gonna lie.

- Okay!

- All right!

Okay, calm down.

You can't marry everyone.

So, I'm I'm definitely a family person.

It may not look like it, because,

like, I'm super sometimes into myself.

You seem super into me. So

Oh! Oh, oh!

I think I found the winner.

All right.

Do you like Harry Potter?

- Ooh.

- It's a deal-breaker.

- All right, I like Harry Potter.

- Yeah?

I'm so lying to you right now.

Yeah, I love Harry Potter.

I've got a costume at home

that might change your mind.

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

- We could jump off a plane together too.

- Aw, lovely jubbly.

Wait, I wanna try something.

- All right.

- You have to answer really fast.

All right, let's do it.

- Tequila or vodka?

- Vodka.

- Cake or icing?

- Cake.

- Strawberry or vanilla?

- Vanilla.

I can't think of any more.

What kind of maniac

chooses vanilla over strawberry?

Anyway, did any of our belles

have a ball with our bat? Vanilla?

I would like to be

picked for a second date.

He's lovely, you can tell he's got

a good heart, and he is fun to be around.

I thought Sullie was funny.

I thought our personalities

meshed well together,

and that is something that

is very attractive to me.

I feel like he got a good

glimpse of my personality.

And he is cool, so I definitely want to

get to know him a little bit better.

The three dates were amazing.

Each had a different personality.

It definitely helped me come to

a decision on my favorite two.

And to hear Sullie's decision,

it's off to Sexy Beasts Manor,

where bats have been

dumping people for centuries.

Probably.

So, who will be eliminated

and have her mask removed?

- Hello, ladies.

- Hello.

Hope you guys are doin' good.

The dates went amazing.

I loved each and every one of you.

Kamri,

even though we're miles away from home,

uh, my date with you

felt like as if I was back home.

Lindsey,

I love comedy. I love the fact that

we have a commonality in comedy.

Jess, I love that you love my dad jokes.

It's hard to find somebody who thinks

that jokes that corny are amazing.

So, I made a decision

and the person I have to lose is

Lindsey.

Chipmunk is now off Chef Sullie's menu.

I'm definitely disappointed.

I was looking forward to

going on some fun dates,

but you can't change how someone feels.

If I could, I would've taken

all three of them on another date.

I am really upset,

but I'm excited to show him the real me.

He's gonna regret it.

Well, let's see if he does.

Time to remove those

cute little chipmunk cheeks

and reveal the real Lindsey.

Well, her rodent problem is over,

and she looks much better for it.

Time for Sullie to see what he let go.

- So, what you think she's gonna look like?

- Definitely gorgeous.

Lovely jubbly, right?

Oh, you did listen.

- Whoo!

- Wow.

Yes, girl! Whoo!

- What do you guys think?

- Oh my God. Stunning.

- You look great.

- Thank you.

- Beautiful.

- See what you're missing out on?

I know. You look

You look amazing right now.

I know.

The real Lindsey blew my mind. Wow.

I'm speechless.

I just hope I vibe out with

Jess and Kamri,

and I just hope I don't have to

feel that same way again.

So, Lindsey left the bat in a flap,

but what will she think when

we give her a look at Sullie's real face?

Oh. Okay.

He's not my type at all.

Huh. Well, she got over that quickly.

Which leaves the smokin' oak

and the bare-brained beauty

in contention to be Sullie's Sexy Beast.

First to have another swing

with the bat is Kamri.

I know that I've got a great personality,

so I think just being open to

any conversation he wants to have,

being confident and just being me.

I think that'll do it.

Actually, I know that'll do it.

Our couple have come to

London's beautiful Hyde Park

for a romantic boat trip.

And by romantic,

I, of course, mean terrifying.

I'm afraid of boats.

- I'm trying to

- You're afraid of boats?

All right.

I got this

- Ah, don't be nervous.

- Ah! No, no.

- Come on. You've got it, Batman.

- Come on. All right.

A date on the water

would not be my first choice.

I might be afraid of water, but she

kinda made me feel a little comfortable.

I love being in the water.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Why?

- It's calming.

You just listen to the waves.

- Or drown. I mean, there's that.

- No, no, no.

I really feel at home

around all these trees.

- It's crazy.

- Yeah?

We gotta get over there

so I can introduce you to all my family.

To your

I think our personalities

mesh very, very well.

- Auntie Leaf.

- Auntie Leaf. Okay.

- That's Cousin Bark.

- Oh?

We're like two goofballs.

These swans come

and they're like

- It's so beautiful.

- Right?

- This calls for a poem.

- I think so.

I'm gonna try my hardest

to be romantic right now.

Okay.

I wonder why

You made my heart go fly

If you weren't a swan

I wouldn't say goodbye

I'll give that

That one gets a four out of ten.

Generous.

Wh? Wow.

So, I thought Sullie's poetry

needed a little more work,

but it was definitely funny.

Poetry isn't for the faintest of hearts.

But as you see, I have to keep wooing her,

so the more I continue,

maybe I'll hit that ten out of ten.

- Who knows?

- I'm not sure we have that long, Sullie.

- Your turn.

- All right, all right.

When I'm with you,

I don't which way to go

All right.

But like this water

I'mma just let it flow

Oh!

I definitely think

I'm a better poet than he is.

- As beautiful as this

- It's nice.

experience was, I just feel like

I could've made you a burger.

Seagulls spooked and pedalboats pedaled,

it's time to dial up the romance

with a sunset

and some super-sensual food.

These strawberries look amazing.

- I hate strawberries.

- Well, that's that, then.

I hate water, I hate strawberries,

definitely like Kamri, so, listen,

two bad things, one good thing,

I can't complain.

Seeing the sun, like,

directly hitting your face

- You look great.

- Thank you.

I'm assuming I look luscious

right now, like Fabio.

Put me in a shampoo commercial.

Maybe a hair loss commercial.

- For, like, the

- Wow!

I definitely think our personalities

have a lot of fun together,

so it could potentially progress

into something more.

- Cheers.

- Cheers to new experiences.

Uh, cheers to new experience.

I know I said I fall in love

with every girl I date,

but I really think

I've fallen in love with Kamri.

Do you wanna help me out here?

All right, all right.

Don't spill.

If that doesn't say soulmate right there,

I don't know what does.

Soulmates? Whoa!

Big talk from Sullie.

Can Jess possibly compete with that?

I'm seeing it as a competition.

I do want to win.

I don't necessarily have any tactics,

but I'll just show him that

I've got a good personality

and, generally, I just think

I'm a ten out of ten girlfriend.

And for her date, Jess will get a taste

of Chef Sullie's most potent love weapon,

the Sullie Burger,

which he says

is a surefire way to seduction.

- I'm gonna make you a nice burger.

- Okay.

The Sullie Burger.

Listen, the boat was romantic,

but my legs hurt,

my thighs are burning,

I'm afraid of water,

and who eats strawberries?

Just saying the name Sullie Burger, it

It brings you this aura, right?

I I guess?

So, let's make sweet meaty love.

We got beef,

we got onions, 'cause you're gonna cry

later on how good this is gonna be.

Okay.

We got ja-la-penos.

Jalapeños.

Do you want the burger or not?

Ja-la-penos.

- Don't you need flour to make burgers?

- You're right.

One second.

- Flower for you, my lady.

- Oh, my God. Thank you.

The flower was really, really sweet.

It was really nice, actually. Nice touch.

- Basically, what's gonna happen is

- Mm-hm?

- We're not gonna use any of this.

- Right.

What we are gonna use is

Bam! Frozen beef.

Bam! Mozzarella sticks.

Bam! Medium cheddar cheese,

because gotta be cheesy, right?

And onion rings.

- Lovely jubbly, right?

- It is lovely jubbly.

My burger's amazing.

Especially with that amount of toppings,

definitely a way to a woman's heart.

Definitely a way to clog a woman's heart.

Hey, uh, have we got

a paramedic on standby?

So, how many times have you

cooked this for girls before, then?

I might've cooked it for many girls,

but never for Frankenstein.

That's very, very true.

- So it's gonna be special for you.

- It couldn't have been that special.

You're still single.

Break my heart, why don't you?

I gave you a flower, do you need more?

- I'm sorry.

- Oh my God.

Me and Jess, we had a

Definitely a fun vibe.

Just had a laugh, which is all I ask for,

someone to be funny, so, it's good.

All I want is Chef Ramsay to

see me do this and just be like

What do you think he'd say if he saw this?

"What a load of sh*t."

Oh, it's like he's in the room.

How dare you?

- You ready for this?

- I'm so ready.

Got the ja-la-penos right there.

- Perfect. It looks so good.

- You are perfect, believe me.

When I saw you, I was like,

"Thank God the doctor woke you up."

All right.

Doing the Sullie Burger

was kinda intimate.

You have amazing eyes.

- Thank you.

- Thank you. I mean, you're welcome.

Jesus. You're getting me nervous.

Stop getting me nervous.

He did say I have beautiful eyes,

which is nice, to get a compliment,

especially looking like this,

I can't get many compliments, so

Voilà. I present you

the Sullie Burger.

Huh. Maybe poetry is his forte after all.

Be prepared to fall in love with me.

So, can that cholesterol-filled

monstrosity ignite the fires of romance?

It's bloody lovely.

Lovely jubbly?

Lovely jubbly.

I'm not gonna be able to say lovely

without saying lovely jubbly now.

You have that in my head right now.

- At least you won't forget me.

- I like that.

I mean, food is a way to

anyone's heart, right?

You're dribbling a bit.

If somebody could find that funny, then,

uh, she just might be the one. Who knows?

Now you're ready to marry me?

Um, yeah.

It's a really tough decision.

I don't know who to choose yet.

But when it's done, it'll be for the best.

And so it's back to Wayne Manor,

where our Batman

will select his Sexy Beast

and everyone's secret identities

will be revealed.

Did Jess impress Sullie with her

appreciation of his meaty feast?

What a load of sh*t.

Or is he hoping

he'll get to shake our tree?

Hello, ladies.

- Hiya.

- Hey, Batman.

- How you guys doing?

- Good.

Kamri, I had fun.

I'm a romantic at heart,

and aside from the strawberries

and the water, it was great.

Jess, I got to show you a little

side of me, the cooking side of me,

and you kinda blew my mind.

I was like, "Whoa!" Like,

"All right, cool, you're kinda funny!"

So, you know, I enjoyed that.

But I could only choose one Sexy Beast,

'cause two of you would k*ll me. Right?

I've made my decision.

My Sexy Beast is gonna be

It's gonna be Jess.

Oh, congrats.

The Sullie Burger has

weaved its romantic spell.

Aw, I'll come and give you a cuddle.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

I wanted to win, so I'm disappointed,

but he's missing out on

something really good under here,

so that's his loss, not mine.

I'm actually really surprised.

I don't even know what to say,

to be honest. I'm a bit shocked.

I've fallen for Jess's personality,

and I would date her

as Frankenstein, as is, you know?

Brains and nuts and bolts

and all that, and, honestly,

if she looks better than that,

that's just a huge bonus.

Oh God. Imagine if she looked worse.

But let's imagine no more,

as it's time

for all the masks to come off.

Starting with our eligible bat chelor.

He's certainly sending my bat signal up.

All this and he writes poetry?

Kind of.

Before he meets his sexy beast,

our runner-up

needs a little deforestation.

Wow. Our tree's so hot

she could start a forest fire.

Will Sullie rue his choice?

Let's find out,

as they meet in the mansion's

magnificent Hall of Romance.

- Oh, my goodness.

- Hey, yo.

- You look amazing.

- Thank you.

You're handsome.

Okay! All right.

Kamri's gorgeous.

But, yeah, I ended up with

a friend connection thing going on.

- Bye.

- All right. Take care, all right?

- Good luck with Jess.

- Yeah. Thank you.

I did like the reaction I got from him.

I think he realized that

he's missing out on something good.

She's a beautiful girl,

but I can't wait to meet Jess.

Well, the wait is almost over,

as Sullie finally meets

his lab-made lovely jubbly, Jess.

Will an uncontrollable connection

send sparks flying tonight

as they see each other

for the very first time?

Damn! All right!

How are you?

Ha, I'm lovely jubbly.

You look delicious.

All right. Yeah, I made the right choice.

Yeah, I did. All right. Cool.

Well, twist my bolts

and reanimate my bits!

She looks so much better

with her brain inside her skull.

Yeah, you're fit. I'm not gonna lie.

- I feel so happy right now.

- All right, cool.

Beautiful, delicious, astounding,

amazing. I made the right choice.

You look great. What the fuh?

He's fit.

Definitely my type.

Oh, man.

Our second date was amazing.

Our energies was just a match.

I can't wait to get to know her more.

- Wanna grab some drinks?

- Yeah, definitely. Let's go.

- Do it. Let's go to the pub.

- The pub.

- It's gonna be, what? Lovely?

- Lovely jubbly.

There you go.

It will be nice to find someone

whose bones I want to jump.

- I'm not a big feet fan.

- I got a Guinness World Record for it.

Do you always drink

this much on a first date?

You could be a model.