02x06 - Robbie the Rabbit

[bunniefuu]

One of my doubts about you was that

you haven't been in a relationship before,

so why do you think that is?

I just go for the wrong people.

What about you?

I used to, like, get myself into

some weird situations.

No, nothing weird about this.

[narrator] Let's face it,

when it comes to dating,

it's all about looks.

- I was on the cover of Playboy.

- [slurping]

So, in this show we've made

everyone look ridiculous.

I think it looks like a ball bag.

Could you fall in love

based only on personality?

This could possibly be love.

And would you change your mind

when you saw their real face?

- Wow, wow, wow.

- Welcome to the weirdest blind date ever.

Are you ready to marry me?

This is Sexy Beasts.

Say hello to Robbie,

a DJ and student from New Jersey

who's got old-school values.

Dudes today are slacking.

They're not picking the girl up.

They're splitting the bills.

None of that flies.

Go out with me, I pick you up,

I pay for the date, full gentleman.

This experience is gonna be perfect.

Nobody sees any of my tattoos,

nobody sees the way I cut my hair.

There's no bias,

this is a true blind date.

So, what type of woman is our bunny

hoping to bond with today?

I am definitely looking for a girl

that's like my mom,

but doesn't look like my mom.

So, if that makes sense.

Well, yeah, that'd be weird.

It'd be very weird. [laughing]

Uh, let's get back to your ideal girl.

Personality-wise, I look for

someone with a lot of energy,

someone that's outgoing, not afraid to,

you know, do some crazy stuff.

So, I want somebody with

good family values as well.

Looking for a girl that can

impress my mom.

So, let's meet the female freaks

ready to flirt with Flopsy and,

well, mesmerize his mom.

Starting with Dora from Toronto.

She's not just any goblin,

she's a cover goblin.

I was recently on the cover of

Playboy Magazine and Harper's Bazaar,

and now I'm here ready to look for love.

Right. Cover girl to this show.

Makes perfect sense.

I'm not too concerned about looks,

because it's all about my personality.

I mean, you can still see my eyes,

and I have pretty intense black eyes.

Yep, it's definitely the eyes

that stand out.

Only one person can win,

and that's gonna be me.

[kissing]

Hoping Dora doesn't win is Rhia,

an eyelash technician

from Norfolk, England,

who's searching for love

for a very special reason.

If I could find a boyfriend,

maybe my mom would be off my back,

and my friends wouldn't

bother me so much either.

And they say romance is dead.

My friends call me "the heartbreaker,"

because I'm always the one who will

get to know a guy for, like, two weeks,

I'll get what they call "the ick,"

and then I will put them in the bin.

Savage!

I think I attract dickheads. I do.

And this is why I'm single.[chuckling]

Completing the trio is Chess,

a customer service specialist

and singer-songwriter from L.A.,

who's searching for a new way to date.

In the past I've definitely judged

people off of their looks.

So, I've never been on a blind date,

and, honestly, first dates

make me so nervous.

I have practiced my intro for

today's date 17 times.

I hope I nail it. [chuckling]

Seventeen times? Wow.

Well, it must be a zinger. What is it?

I was gonna say

"Hi, I'm Chess. Nice to meet you."

Oh, dear God.

We've sent Robbie to a London bar

to speed date our terrifying trio.

You look nice and warm.

[laughing]

After which he'll unceremoniously ditch

one of them based on first impressions.

I like your, uh

- It's so strange, isn't it?

- Yeah.

And only then will he find out

what she really looks like.

You look sexy.

You look like you came out of one

of those Marvel movies.

Yeah. [laughing]

Who will impress Robbie,

and his mom, the most?

- So, I have one fear in this world.

- What?

And it's snakes.

- [Robbie laughing]

- Are you serious?

A hundred percent.

Just snakes, nothing else.

Well, practicing that opener

17 times really paid off.

Damn.

So, tell me a bit about yourself.

I am a lash technician.

- Okay.

- I run my own business.

That's awesome.

I am a DJ and an emcee full time.

- Love house music.

- Yeah?

- Yes, house, techno.

- Really cool.

I do a lot of private events.

You might have to play

some music for me sometime.

- If you're good, I might dance for you.

- Oh, yeah?

- If I like it.

- Sure I can make that happen.

Yeah. [laughing]

Dora was definitely sexy.

She's got a rockin' body.

If I brought her home,

my mom would have a heart attack.

- Keep getting hair in mine. Yeah.

- Oh, my God.

Everything you're saying,

I'm picturing you doing

- [laughing]

- Like, I'm picturing you DJing like

- I could get away DJing like this.

- That would be dope. Yeah.

But, like, I think everyday life

would be a little difficult.

They say if you enjoy your job,

you never work a day in your life.

That was my senior quote.

- Really? Oh, wow.

- Yeah, yeah.

It was awesome to hear

she kinda has the same ideas as I do.

- I wanna take a nice guy home to my mom.

- That's awesome.

There's definitely an attraction.

- You do have very nice eyes. Yeah.

- Thank you very much.

- What do you do for fun?

- I've been to 35 different countries.

- Wow. That's insane.

- But I do model full time.

Most recently, I was on the cover of

Playboy and Harper's Bazaar.

Wow.

Whoa! Dora's played the ace card.

- That's cool.

- Mm-hm.

And Robbie's playing it cool

- ish.

- [laughing]

[slurping]

- What are you drinking?

- I'm drinking a vodka club.

- What do you got?

- Tequila

- [groaning]

- Soda. You don't like tequila?

When I drink tequila, bad things happen.

The fact that Chess drinks tequila

gives me a pretty good indication

that she can match my crazy.

Can I get another vodka club, please?

- Trying to settle the nerves a bit.

- Oh, yeah? Do I make you nervous?

- Definitely.

- [laughing]

And it's probably just as well that

that is the end of the speed dates.

Appreciate it. Thank you, pal.

So, what did our beasts make

of their bunny bonding?

He seemed like a proper gentleman.

I don't think it could've gone any better.

He seemed really cool.

It was so easy to speak to him.

I feel like we'd be, like, a good match.

I got some vibes there,

so I just went for it.

I'm still confident I'm gonna win.

Well, the rampant rabbit is

a hit with the ladies,

but could he see himself taking any

of them home to Mother?

[Robbie] Yes. It's an awesome way

to connect with someone.

I definitely think that

there were some vibes,

and I just feel bad sending someone home.

But that's what's happening as

we head to Sexy Beasts Manor,

built hundreds of years ago specifically

for the purpose of breaking hearts.

One beast is about to get the boot,

and have her real face revealed.

- [Robbie] What's going on, ladies?

- [all] Hi.

This decision has not been easy.

Uh, Rhia

our connection was awesome.

Me and you, we vibed.

But does that mean we're gonna

have too much in common?

Can that be a problem?

Chess, your music and my music would

probably go together really well,

but is that enough to build

a relationship off of?

Dora, your sense of adventure

and traveling is super cool.

But is that gonna affect us

having a relationship?

Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to

let somebody go.

The person I have to lose is

[tense music playing]

Dora.

- [sighing]

- I'm sorry.

- Aw.

- Oh.

[sobbing] He's k*lled off

Dora the Explorer?

On the one hand, I'm disappointed

'cause he seems like a nice guy.

- Nice meeting you.

- Nice to meet you, too.

[Dora] On the other hand,

he made the best decision for himself.

I travel a lot for work,

and I'm not gonna give that up.

I think the real Dora is gonna

be a total smoke show.

I think she's gonna look great, yeah,

but, um, looks aren't everything.

Well, let's find out

if Dora is a smoke show,

as it's time to reveal her real face

Wow. You wouldn't find her living

under a bridge in the Middle Ages.

No, I'm Was that goblins,

or was it trolls?

Anyway. Will Robbie regret his decision?

If she charges at me,

are you gonna protect me?

I'm five foot nothing,

I can't help you there.

- [laughing]

- Aw, damn.

Oh, man.

[Chess] Yes, girl.

[Rhia] Wow!

- [Chess] Yes.

- [Rhia] Look at you!

- Hey. Wow.

- Hi.

Wasn't expecting that.

- Do you feel like you missed out?

- Uh

Just looking at Dora's body alone,

my buddies are gonna slap me.

But I'm sure my mom's gonna be happy

that I made the right decision.

- Stuck with us.

- Yeah.

I have two other girls that

I have a better connection with,

and I'm really excited to see

where it goes with the two of them.

So, we know how Robbie feels.

But what are Dora's thoughts as we give

her a sneak peek at his real face?

Oh, he's not my type at all.[laughing]

See? I told you I would win.

I won. [chuckling]

Absolutely. Except for

the part where you lost.

So, Rhia and Chess will now have

one final date with Robbie

before he chooses his sexy beast

and we find out what

everyone really looks like.

First to get a longer taste

of the rabbit is Rhia.

I am what I am,

and I like to think

I'm a little bit unique.

I'm quietly confident that

I've got what it takes.

Well, let's see if she does,

as Rhia and Robbie head for

a private mixology class

with expert bartender Ernesta.

You like c*ck?

- Yes, I like c*ck.

- Yeah.

I'll drink anything. I'm easy.

Hm. Good to know.

Show you how to party ♪

Let c*ck school commence.

- It looks really good.

- Really fruity.

- Hold on. Give me a second.

- Move your little teeth.

[slurping]

- You got anything with carrots?

- [laughing]

- That's pretty good. I like that a lot.

- Yeah? You like it?

Looks like more of a man's drink.

Rhia's right.

I've never seen a drink look more butch.

- Thank you.

- See how this goes for you.

Master class complete,

it's time for the apprentices

Weird being this side of the bar.

to become the sorcerers.

I can't do these measurements.

I'll chuck it in and hope for the best.

- Uh

- [laughing]

- Whack that in there.

- Oh, I'm excited to see this.

Has anyone ever made you

a c*ck before?

I don't believe so. I don't think I've had

a girlfriend that would make me

- "Girlfriend?" Calm down, hun.

- I'm sorry.

I've had a girl make me a drink before,

but not like a

[Rhia] I'm joking, I'm joking.

- [sloshing sound]

- Mm.

Clumpy.

- Try that.

- I'm a little nervous.

[chuckling]

[slurping]

Oh, that's disgusting.

No, I'm only playing.

- Yeah, all right. [laughing]

- Very good. No, it's good. I'm serious.

I'm really enjoying my date so far.

I feel like we just sort of

bounce off of each other.

This is awesome.

This is a great way to see

a bit more of each other's playful sides.

But honestly you could probably give us

coloring books and we woulda had fun.

Well, I wish we'd known that earlier.

This bar's expensive.

You oughta neck it.[laughing]

What does, uh, "neck it" mean?

- "Neck it" is like when you down it.

- Like, pound it?

- Slam it, pound it, like

- Right.

- So, what other phrases can you tell me?

- Well, you've got c*ck rhyming slang.

- I'm not from London, but

- Excuse me? c*ck ramen?

- c*ck rhyming slang.

- Oh, okay.

So you'll say, "I'm gonna go down

the apples and pears," which means stairs.

You're gonna go down the apples and pears?

So, it's like it rhymes.

Oh, so you guys are like Dr. Seuss?

Eh No.

Apples and pears,

down the stairs. [laughing]

Yeah, I'mma use that one.

That was a good one.

I stopped and I got you flowers.

[laughing]

Such a joker. They are fake, you know.

Listen, I'm doing my best over here.

- Bless you.

- Whoop

One, two, three.

Jesus Christ.

- That good?

- Yep.

- Little spritz of this.

- Right.

- There we go. Let's see what you got.

- Pressure's on. Hm.

- No, it's actually really nice.

- Yeah?

- You did really well.

- All right.

I might have to take you

on a night out in London.

- Proper night out in London.

- Is that your London accent?

Yeah. Like, 'ello.

[laughing]

I feel like we have a good energy,

me and her.

The vibes are awesome, and, uh

I don't know, I didn't expect this.

You can't see it, but I'm cheesing

real hard right now.

- You're a sweetheart. I've had fun.

- Aw, that's really nice.

Taking my looks out of it,

it's kind of made me more confident.

I know he's listening to

everything I'm saying.

I'm really excited for us to see

what we both look like.

I'm ready for her to look whatever

way that she looks.

- I'm gonna neck it. You're gonna pound it.

- Let's do it.

[Robbie] As of now

Chess isn't looking too hot.

So, the rabbit has fallen for the cougar,

but there's a snake still in the game.

I'm mostly hoping to make a connection,

but also show my personality

as much as possible,

because I look like a snake. [chuckling]

Robbie Hood is taking Chess for

an intimate archery lesson

in the British countryside.

Will Cupid's arrow find its target?

- Okay, so, in the knocking point.

- Oh, right.

Okay, straight arm, draw back,

corner of your mouth, and loose.

- Damn!

- [guide] Good. Excellent.

[Chess and Robbie] Damn!

You're pretty good so far.

[guide] Right. Next? Bring your arrows.

- Ready for this? It's gonna be impressive.

- Ready.

Right. So, stand Come up to the line.

Turn this way, stand up straight.

Just turn yourself this way a bit.

- This way.

- Uh, that way?

[Chess] Damn!

Wow, you did much better than I did.

Yeah, probably my strong fingers

that helped me out.

Maybe you need to start goat milking.

What do you mean, goat goat milking?

I used to milk goats.

- You said you were from New York.

- But I'm from, like, the farm town area.

That makes a little more sense.

So you had goats?

That's cool.

I wouldn't have expected that.

- I love goats.

- What about rabbits?

- I love rabbits.

- Yeah?

- I'm a bit allergic though.

- A bit allergic?

So, he's scared of snakes,

and she's allergic to rabbits.

A perfect match.

I'm having an awesome time

with Chess right now.

She's really surprising me.

As far as personality, like,

he already has me down.

Like, I feel like we connect like that.

Lesson over, it's time to get competitive.

- So, we should make it interesting.

- Okay. What do you have in mind?

If I win, you have to

take a tequila shot with me.

- Okay.

- And if you win

- I have to take a tequila shot with you?

- Yeah.

- Okay All right, it's a lose-lose.

- [laughing]

It's a story as old as time itself.

Three arrows.

Two love-starved mutants.

One rivalry.

Carrot Cruncher versus Mammal Munch

Oh, no. They've started.

- [Robbie] All right, yours was better.

- All right. Yeah.

One, two, three.

- [Robbie] Wow, totally missed.

- Damn.

Damn, I suck at this.

It's all or nothing now, Robbie.

You need a bullseye, or it's tequila time.

Well, it's tequila time either way,

so whatever.

- Wow.

- Well

- [Robbie] You smoked me.

- I guess we're taking tequila shots.

[Chess] All right.

So, I just wanna go on the record

and say that I let Chess win archery.

I'm really not that bad.

I'm actually a great marksman,

a great arrow-sh**ter person.

Damn.

Yeah. And a terrible lie-teller person.

- To archery.

- Yep.

Oh, yeah. This All right, well

[chuckling]

All right. Got it.

I can't even do the lime.

I'm, like, suffering right now.

I don't need the lime.

- Damn!

- I don't need the lime.

Damn.

You may have won archery,

I'll win the drinking.

- That was smooth.

- Yeah, yeah.

[coughing]

You tried holding it in. You really did.

- You were holding your breath.

- I thought I had it. Now I'm good.

My decision is not as easy as

I thought it was gonna be.

I thought someone had it

in the bag from the jump,

but now I'm really

second-guessing my decision.

[Chess] Today was so natural.

We're so comfortable around each other,

and I would love to be chosen

as his sexy beast.

You know, it's crazy that

I have two ladies right now

that I'm super interested in.

I don't know how guys speak to

multiple girls at once. It's confusing.

I don't got the brain capacity for that.

Dating done,

we return to the monstrous manor

where Robbie will choose his sexy beast.

Will Rhia become Robbie's

girlfriend for real?

- Girlfriend? Calm down, hun.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Or was one shot of delicious tequila

[coughing]

enough to make it Chess-mate?

- What's up, ladies?

- Hi.

You both are awesome girls, and

I appreciate both of you for being here,

and having having this experience with me.

Rhia

our date was awesome.

We made drinks, we had a bunch of laughs,

and we vibed from the beginning.

Chess, I had an awesome day with you.

We connected in the way we talked.

You have not made my decision easy.

I had a really hard time picking a winner,

but I've made a decision.

And my sexy beast is

[tense music playing]

Chess.

- [gasping]

- Ooh, girl.

Would you look at that!

Despite his phobia and her allergy,

the snake has won the rabbit's heart.

Delight all around.

Oh, God.

Ah, except there.

That was the rare sound of

a heartbroken cougar.

I'm disappointed.

Maybe there's someone

else out there for me.

Guys who like cougars.

I think there's plenty. [laughing]

I really thought Rhia was the one for me.

This decision was super difficult,

but Chess kinda,

you know, won me over today.

- You can't see, I'm cheesing ear to ear.

- I am too, I'm like

[Chess] Just to hear him

say my name was just really cool.

He might not have any facial hair,

he might be, like, completely groomed

and not be the typical

person that I go for,

but that would probably change my entire

outlook on, like, how I date people.

So, let's get these masks off.

Let's get this show on the road.

Yes, it's time to reveal

everyone's real faces,

starting with our long-eared lover boy.

This is the real Robbie.

Whoa! He looked sexy with the teeth,

but this is even better.

Hello, washboard.

Mama's boy scrubs up well.

Before we meet Robbie's sexy beast,

let's meet the cat that

didn't get the cream.

Meow!

She looks way too young to be a cougar.

Also, she still has all her own teeth.

Will Robbie regret his decision?

Well, they're about to meet

for the first time

in the manor's magical tunnel of love.

- Hello. [laughing]

- How you doin'?

- You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

I didn't expect, uh,

you to look like this.

Rhia is gorgeous, but I can only

imagine what Chess looks like.

I I literally cannot wait to meet her.

It was nice meeting you.

[Rhia] I think he's a good-looking guy.

But I don't think he's the type

I'd normally go for. He's too nice for me.

No, maybe I do need a dickhead.

I think I need a dickhead.

Lovely to meet you.

So, here we go.

It's all led to this one moment.

What does our tequila-toting

archery ace look like

once she's been thoroughly descaled?

Could it be love at first sight

as Robbie sees the real Chess

for the very first time?

[triumphant music playing]

Wow.

"Wow" is right.

How did they hide all those curls

under that snakeskin?

- Damn. [laughing]

- [quietly] Oh, my God.

- [quietly] Oh, my God.

- What's going on, how are you?

- Hi!

- Wow, you look beautiful.

- Thank you. You look so good!

- You do, you look gorgeous.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

- Damn!

- [laughing]

When I first saw Chess, I

I was I'm still lost for words. I was

Man, I think my face says it all.

Wow.

She took my breath away,

and she's stunning. She's gorgeous.

The real Robbie is really good-looking.

You have tattoos.

I didn't see the tattoos until

I looked down, and I was like [gasping]

- You don't know what a person looks like.

- I was literally bald and slimy.

I'm happy you didn't bring the mask.

Yeah, and you look nothing like

the rabbit, which is good.

- What do you say? Let's get out of here?

- Yeah, let's go.

[Robbie] This has been

an amazing experience. Super positive.

You just can't judge people

by what they look like.

Appearance doesn't tell the whole story.

It's what's on the inside

is what truly matters.

[theme music playing]