01x03 - Sunday Vinday

[bunniefuu]

(Nicole) It's Ronnie and Pauly!

It's Ronnie and Pauly! It's Ronnie and Pauly!

We're back in Miami! This vacation is gonna be

the biggest (bleep) show Miami has ever seen.

(all cheering)

(Mike) I've been waiting for this for a long time.

The Situation has arrived.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy you're here!

When my dad died, it doesn't (bleep) matter.

You come up to me and you (bleep) tell me you're sorry.

That (bleep) k*lled me.

Oh, my God! I lost all my rings.

Could it be in the (bleep) pool?

Oh, my God! I'm gonna k*ll myself.

This wedding ring thing is setting her off.

Like, she is triggered.

(Nicole) I'm going home. (bleep) this (bleep).

We're still looking. Don't give up hope.

I want to come home. (crying)

Oh, God.

♪ Here I come

Yeah, buddy!

Party's here!

The Situation is under construction.

This might not have been the best idea.

We're so classy now.

On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

Get the frick out of here. Are you crazy?

♪ Here I come

♪

(Nicole crying)

I (bleep) lost my wedding ring.

(Nicole's dad) What?

You don't know where you lost it?

(Pauly) It was blingy, I'm telling you.

(Deena) God, please, please.

God, I feel so bad for her.

(Vinny) If it's here, we're finding it.

(Mike) Yeah, we're finding it.

(crying) Relax, relax.

(crying)

(Deena) Oh, my God! How did this happen?

It clearly is not here. It doesn't make sense.

If we don't find this ring, like,

this house is gonna be miserable.

(crying)

(Nicole's dad) Well, just take it easy. Take it easy, hon.

(Deena) We have to find this (bleep).

I see it. You see it? Where is it?

Right there.

Here it is.

(Mike) Oh, my God!

(all) Oh!

(Pauly) Nicole! (crying)

(Deena) Nic, I found your ring!

Thank God Nicole doesn't have a (bleep) cheap ring.

Her ring is huge. Luckily,

we were able to find it, and thank God!

(Ronnie) Look, look.

Mommy, I found it!

God, we found it. I found it.

Oh, my God!

(Vinny) It was in the grass.

(Ronnie) Stop. We found it. Relax.

We found your ring, Mommy.

All right, Dad,

I'm sorry. I'll call you back.

Oh!

(Ronnie) You all right now?

Mm-hmm. Thank you.

Sorry, I feel like it was my fault a little bit.

It's not your fault.

What goes on over here? Bro...

(Pauly) What happens if you lose the rings?

That's why I won't get married.

It's so superficial anyway. That's why

I'm just gonna hand you an apple

when I ask you to marry me.

And I'll never eat the apple.

Yeah. Exactly.

I feel like me losing this ring

was like the (bleep) spirits

were telling me to (bleep) leave.

(Nicole) I'm still emotional about leaving the kids

and I feel guilty. I'm homesick. I miss Jionni.

You know, this is so hard for me.

Like, I need to be with my family.

We've been (bleep) up for the last couple days...

Okay.

So, let's get some sleep.

Why can't you just let me go?

You're my friend. You're my sister.

Me and Nicole's relationship has always been brother and sister.

Love you, Snicks.

Like, we all went to... almost went to jail for you

'cause we love each other. You get that?

We're like one big family.

(Ronnie) I'm just trying to remind her, like, yes,

you almost lost your ring, but you found it.

It's not the end of the world.

Like, you're stronger than what you're acting like right now,

and I know that you are.

(Nicole) I'm sorry.

Can we just sleep

and then we talk about it in the morning?

A house without Snooki is just like,

it just wouldn't feel the same.

Hopefully she doesn't even

remember this (bleep) in the morning.

Let's go. I'm going. I'm going to bed.

♪

♪ Everybody always talking, talking about living ♪

♪ I'ma make my decisions on my own ♪

♪♪

(sniffs) It smells like rotting a*s (bleep). Hello, dear.

Hey, good morning.

Good morning. I don't really know what time it is.

(Mike) Did you even know what happened last night?

No. Oh, my God.

I had the worst stomach ache. I'm, like, in tears.

What happened?

It was chaos.

Oh, boy. How much drama can I miss

just going to bed a couple hours before everybody else?

Nicole, she lost her wedding ring last night, her rings.

She never got 'em?

Eventually we found 'em.

That's why I didn't (bleep) bring mine.

I told her not to bring them.

Like, she was crying, hysterical. I've got goosebumps.

She probably was just... Over-emotional?

Over-emotional.

Oh, no.

So, it was crazy.

♪♪

(Ronnie belches)

♪

(Ronnie sighs)

(bleep)!

(Jenni) I was so bad in Italy.

Yes. I did kn-- I do know that you were a mess.

You were a mess, really, too.

I was a mess too.

I tried to get my (bleep) together

the last time we were at Jersey Shore.

You didn't have your (bleep)... I don't have my (bleep)...

I didn't have it together, but, um, it was a big attempt.

I just didn't know how to do it. Mm-hmm.

Um, I was trying to do it by myself.

I would be sober for a year but still maybe smoking weed.

Cigarettes.

Maybe cigarettes, still smoking weed.

What caused you to stop?

Um, I just realized that my way wasn't working.

I have, I had to realize that my personality

was an obsessive personality. Everything I...

Anything you did. Anything I did,

and I need to have a handle on myself.

Homeboy was legit crazy.

Yo, shut your mouth, you dirty little hamster.

You were cheating on him all the time.

I never cheated on him, you (bleep) moron!

He was evil, but the new Mike is like the ultimate Mike.

To see him firsthand be this way, it's really amazing.

Right before Italy, it was like

three or four weeks before Italy,

my grandmother passed, and me and Roger actually lost a baby.

Like, I ended up pregnant.

Not a lot of people know about it,

and they put me on medication because of it,

'cause I, like, couldn't handle life,

but the medication, like, it was like Xanax,

like to, like, take me down, and, like, downers. Yeah.

It was making me so groggy that I started taking uppers with it.

Hmm... Segue right into Italy.

Like, I was a (bleep) mess.

Yeah. When I was getting into those fights with Ronnie,

I was practically going through, like...

Withdrawals? Yeah, I was,

and I didn't want to admit it to people at that time period.

Yeah. And then I had a really good idea

to bang my head against the wall.

I didn't realize the wall was cement.

I thought it was sheetrock. You have no idea.

I put a lot of commitment into going to that wall,

because I was trying to go through it.

Yeah, you did. (laughing)

Yeah, you did. Like, I think it's also

why I'm such a good man in my s,

because I was so (bleep) wild in my s.

Same. You know what I'm saying?

Same.

(Mike) I have no ego. I'm humble as (bleep) right now.

Listen, there is hope for the youth,

the way The Sitch came out, on top.

I've lived a extremely full life.

Like a rock star.

And I'm good to retire right now. I'm good. (laughing)

(Ronnie) (bleep)!

(toilet flushes)

(tapping)

(toilet flushes)

(tapping)

(toilet flushes twice)

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

(Deena) Ron, what the (bleep)?

Come back here, you disgusting...

(Pauly) Oh, my God!

This was (bleep) vile.

(gagging)

She called me a (bleep) idiot.

Oh, my God! You're being so (bleep) dramatic!

I'm not (bleep) dramatic, Nicole!

I called you an idiot because you have a (bleep) family!

Shut up! (Vinny) Jenni, don't fight with her.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ Do-do...

(Pauly) Wow, look at that spread, bro.

(Mike) Hey, how you doing, Ron?

(Ronnie) Morning, guys.

(Vinny) Hey, what's up, bro?

Is Nicole still here?

(Ronnie) Yeah. I was up, like, with her for, like,

an extra (bleep) hour and a half, trying to talk to her.

What do you think?

(Ronnie) I don't know.

Dude, that (bleep) set her off.

(Nicole sighs)

(Nicole) So, waking up this morning,

I'm definitely questioning myself,

if this vacation was a good idea for me.

Hi, Nicole.

(sighs)

(Vinny) How are you doing?

(groaning)

(Nicole) Obviously, I was so excited to come here,

be with the roomies, but now I'm like,

oh, my God, I don't know what Giovanna's doing,

what Lorenzo's doing. (sniffles)

I'm gonna try and call the kids.

You want to sit over here? Yeah, can I?

(line ringing)

(Nicole gasps) (Lorenzo) Mommy!

Hi, babes.

What are you doing, babe?

(woman) Look at that! We're playing circus.

(Deena) Oh, look at Sissy.

I love you, babe. I love you.

(Lorenzo) Lookit.

(Nicole) How's school?

Good?

(Deena) Oh, he's such a grown-up.

Tomorrow's school, babe.

You've got to go to bed early.

(Lorenzo) Okay.

(Nicole) All right, let me see Sissy.

You're handsome.

(Giovanna) Hi.

Hi, Mo-moo.

(Giovanna) Mommy!

(Nicole) I miss you!

(Nicole) Thank God for frickin' video chat.

My kids are happy. They're with Jionni.

They're totally fine, and it just makes me feel better.

Can you give me kisses? Give me a kiss.

(woman) Let's throw kisses. Ready?

Mommy will see you soon, okay?

I love you!

(Lorenzo) Bye!

(Deena) They seem so good, though.

I know.

They're handling it so well.

(sighs)

My kids are my life, but you need a break.

If I leave, I would be such a hypocrite

because I always say, Moms, you need to get away.

You need to enjoy your "me" time. And I'm literally...

This is my opportunity, and I'm just complaining.

I'm staying. Yay!

But, like, I don't want to, but I'm staying.

(Vinny) Like, "I don't want to."

(laughing)

I appreciate all of you being there for me.

I love you guys. Thank you.

Oh, we love you, too.

♪

(Pauly) Vinny. (Vinny) What?

Go look at what he just did in the bathroom.

It's foul, it's foul. Look in the toilet. It's foul.

Oh!

Oh, dude! Whoa!

Totally foul. Yo, what?

Every bathroom.

Why is this kid a beast?

He's a bathroom toilet destroyer.

(Vinny) We've been in the house now for, like, two days.

Like, there is no toilet that's a match for Ronnie.

He (bleep) them all up.

Holy (bleep), dude, I gotta go...

(Vinny) He's just (bleep) wrecking everything.

I gotta piss. I can't go in there.

That's the guest bathroom. Holy (bleep), dude.

Hell, no.

Sam, how were you with this guy for (bleep) seven years?

(Sam's voice) It had to come out.

(sighs) Oh, my God! I ain't plunging that (bleep).

♪♪

(Jenni) That spider outside is turning into something else.

(Pauly) I know, it's, like, morphing.

It's like white and spiky and red.

We need to k*ll it.

It has, like, all these red tentacles. No!

(Deena) Oh, my God! Red tentacles?

Yeah.

If it has red in it, it is a male Black Guido,

or... Black Guido!

(Nicole) Black Guido!

(laughing)

Deena's like, "Okay, Black Guido."

(Pauly) So, we've got ourselves a new roommate, Black Guido.

He's gonna fit right in. (laughing)

(Deena) Let's get a look at the Black Guido.

(Nicole) I hate spiders.

(Deena) I don't even know

what kind of (bleep) thing that is.

(Nicole) Let's k*ll it.

(Deena) It looks like a crab!

Oh, my God, does it (bleep) fly?

No. No, if it flies, I'm done. I pass.

(screams) (Deena screams)

It flies! It moved!

It (bleep) flies!

It's flying! Look, it flew away!

(Nicole) It flew away really fast.

It (bleep) flew.

(Jenni) It's still on the thing.

No, it flew. Bye.

I'm really hoping that we can k*ll this spider

because they can crawl in and crawl in my ear and lay eggs.

Like, that (bleep) happens. I'm not... I'm not into that.

(Deena) Who's ready to go climb a rock?

(Pauly) Yeah, let's do it.

(Jenni) I'll drive.

(Pauly) Mike, we're ready!

♪

Now I'm seeing spiders everywhere.

(Jenni) Yeah. I hate it.

(Pauly) Sometimes us guidos,

we like to do something more than just drink and GTL,

so we are gonna do some crazy (bleep).

We're gonna try some rock climbing.

(Jenni) Oh, it's scary.

Can we have seven non-smoking.

I've never in my life seen guidos rock climb.

We're gonna die.

Yeah, we're dead. We're dead already.

We're all dying.

We're a disaster. You cannot take us

out of the beach area to do sports.

Emergency contact: Jesus. Emergency phone...

(Mike) .

(Jenni) .

So this rock climbing is probably just gonna be

an actual disaster.

Off you go.

♪♪

I don't like this.

You've got this, Vinny!

I'm shaking right now. I can't do this (bleep).

You've got this, Vin! Vinny's stuck.

Oh, never mind, never mind.

Never mind.

(Ronnie) No, you're supposed to go up, not down.

(Mike) Stop!

If that kid on the ground lets go, I could die.

Come on, Vin!

(Nicole) Get it, Pauly!

(Jenni) Ring the bell, Pauly, ring the bell!

(Nicole) You're really high, Pauly.

(bell rings)

(all cheering) (Pauly) Now what?

(Nicole) Vin's stuck. (Deena) You got it, Vinny!

I don't like heights!

It's okay, Vinny!

So, what happens if I, like, let go?

Come on, keto guido!

You can't rock climb on keto, bro.

Not enough calories. Not enough protein, son!

(Deena) He's jumping down like a bunny.

I thought I'm gonna be the first one to ever die rock climbing.

I'm a p*ssy. So, I've got Nicole. Who do you have?

(Pauly) I've got Deena.

Whoever loses has to clean up Ron's toilet.

(Deena) Not a (bleep) chance.

(all booing)

Ronnie's not my husband. I'm not cleaning his (bleep).

I'm not cleaning anyone's (bleep).

You better win, then.

Nicole, you better watch out.

On your marks, get set... Let's race!

Come on, Dee!

Let's race. Come on, Nicole.

Dee! You've got this, Dee!

(Pauly) Oh, (bleep)!

I am not cleaning Ronnie's poop. Not happening.

(Pauly) Touch the bar, touch the bar!

(Nicole) Stop! I can't reach!

Oh, you're disqualified! She's dis... Oh!

(Vinny) And the winner is...

Yeah, b*tches! The underdog.

Suck it, b*tches! I frickin' won!

Jesus, Dee, you're a perpetual rock climber.

You didn't tell us.

Who knew meatballs could roll uphill?

Meatballs (bleep) do it.

Yeah. We're (bleep) strong.

So I lost. I didn't think Deena

was gonna beast it up there like that.

So now I have to clean Ron's (bleep), and now I'm just like,

oh, (bleep), am I really doing this?

Because I don't know what I'm walking into.

(Vinny) Nicole has to clean Ron's bowl. (laughing)

(Deena) Yeah, we m*rder*d that wall, meatball.

(Nicole) Mm-hmm.

Girl power. (horn honks)

Thanks for the blinker, a*s (bleep).

(Deena) Oh, my God, it has babies now.

No. Stop.

There's like little eggs.

Oh, it had a baby.

Oh, hey, Sam.

(Pauly) Nicole,

are you gonna clean Ron's toilet?

Yeah, I'll do it.

Nice.

I just... I gotta get gloves.

And a gas mask.

I'll do it. I just need the...

Need the utensils. Ingredients, yeah.

(Nicole) All right, so I lost

the "Cleaning Ron's (bleep) Challenge,"

but Ron's (bleep) is like on another level.

Like, no one can handle that.

Good luck with that. The toilet is shot.

Cool.

You might want to put gloves on.

No, I am.

(Pauly) Yeah, you need a whole suit, bro.

I just want to have, like, a HazMat suit,

because what if it splashes on me?

I don't want it on my clothes.

I hate my life. Why do I always

get stuck doing this (bleep)?

Wait, I'm gonna suffocate.

No, you're fine. There's a hole.

'Cause I know, when you plunge, it, like, squirts everywhere,

so I don't want it on me.

I just want to...

(Vinny) Good, guidette.

(Nicole) ...get prepared.

Do your thing, baby.

(Pauly) I would down that.

I would drink the bottle.

(Pauly laughing)

I mean, I would clean it myself,

but you lost the bet, so...

Facts.

I mean, let's do this.

(Pauly laughing)

You need a mask.

Go handle your business, Nicole.

(Vinny) I'd say I want to see this, but...

I don't want to see this.

I don't know if I want to go in there.

(Pauly) I don't even want to go in there.

(Nicole) I don't think anyone's

really prepared for Ron's (bleep).

I mean, I'm trying to be positive here.

Uhh! Am I gonna throw up? I'm scared.

Meantime, I'm not gonna give up, because I'm a team player.

Uhh! I'm scared.

(dramatic music)

Oh, my God, it's worse than I expected. What is that?

(dramatic music)

(bleep)!

(Pauly) Go handle your business, Nicole.

(Nicole) Uhh! Am I gonna throw up?

Oh, my God, it's worse than I expected. Dee, help me!

Listen, I'm all about Team Meatballs, but...

(Nicole) Deena!

(bleep)!

Dee, you gotta go.

Dee!

(Deena) I'm coming, I'm coming.

Hold on, she's putting... She's getting her uniform on.

I mean, I'm not going to (bleep) clean Ronnie's (bleep).

Oh, my God!

But I'm a good friend, so I'll be there

for moral support, and that's it.

(dramatic music)

I mean, we can try to snake it, but...

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, hell, no!

(Pauly) Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

(Deena) Ron, what the (bleep) comes out of you?

(gagging) No. (bleep)!

This was (bleep) vile. I was not expecting this.

(Deena gagging)

(Pauly) I think we need a new toilet.

(gagging)

This is just pure, like, diarrhea (bleep) soup.

(gagging)

Oh, my God! Is that like a Snooki mating call?

That nasty.

That (bleep) smells like a (bleep) rotten,

disgusting dead body.

He's such a disgust. Like, Ron's a disgust.

It's still in my, my nostrils.

(Nicole) I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do it. Let's get this over with.

(Vinny) Lord, please pray for Nicole

and give Nicole the strength to not die,

as her little Snooki lungs have to breathe in

all the (bleep) particles that are in the air. Amen.

Oh... my God.

Oh, my God! It looks like a brownie.

Oh, (bleep)!

This is the dirtiest (bleep) I've ever seen,

and I've (bleep) this a lot.

(Nicole) I don't know how I'm gonna tackle this,

but I'm gonna try, because I'm not a sore loser.

Oh, God. It stinks! I can't breathe.

I'm gonna breathe out of my mouth. Uhh!

Breathe out of your mouth, dude.

Breathe out of your mouth. I'm spiraling...

What a disgust.

For real, though.

♪

Oh! Nope.

Like, what the (bleep)? I didn't think that (bleep)

was gonna be that bad.

Neither did I.

I don't think I've ever seen anything that bad.

(gasping) I can't breathe.

(Deena) I don't understand. What the (bleep) comes out of him?

(Pauly) Like, an elephant couldn't do that.

(exhaling) Breathe out of your mouth.

(exhaling) I can't. Uhh! (bleep)!

I tried to clean it. It didn't work,

'cause I don't know what I'm doing.

(Deena) We should just get a plumber.

I left a voicemail with a plumber.

You've got to get a plumber in there.

(Nicole groaning) I tried.

(Pauly) How can you stand in there?

I feel so disgusting. Like, I feel vile.

♪

And I've felt dirty before.

This is like the dirtiest I've ever felt.

Everyone (bleep)s. It's fine.

(Pauly) Yeah, Ronnie, you're a disgust.

♪ I can't take

♪ I can't take my thoughts off you ♪

(duck phone quacking)

Hello?

(Jen) Hey, is Ron there?

May I ask who's calling?

(Jen) Jen.

Hi, Jen, my name is Vinny. Nice to meet you.

So, how are you feeling? I'm good.

(Vinny) I know you're preggers.

(Jen) How are you guys?

(Vinny) Are you excited?

(Jen) I'm so excited.

Really? Well, you already have a kid, right?

(Jen) Yeah, but you know what? It's like starting

all over again, 'cause he's almost .

Holy (bleep)! You have a year old?

He's, like, almost as old as Ronnie.

He's definitely taller than Ronnie.

(laughing) (Jen laughing)

Ronnie... I, I can't believe he's having a baby.

I don't know, man. I feel like he's really

gonna try his best, but we'll see.

Hello?

(Jen) Hi. (Ronnie) Hey, baby.

You at the house? Yeah.

(yawns) Oh, God. You worked? You weren't shopping?

I don't have anybody telling me no, so I'm like...

Oh, yeah? (laughing)

And so I got out of it today.

Yeah. (yawns) What are you doing now?

Nothing. I'm, like, so bored.

Yeah?

Yeah. You're gone, I'm just, like, stuck here.

What happened?

This conversation is so awkward right now, it's like,

how well do you even know your girl?

It seems like they have nothing to talk about at all.

Okay. Call me in the morning.

(Ronnie) Yeah, I'll call you in the morning.

That's what a normal relationship's like, Sam.

(Pauly) Ronnie may possibly be in denial.

He happens to always bring up Sammi,

no matter what it is that we do.

He's still in love, I think. It's bad.

(Sam's voice) Ronnie, what's wrong with you?

I was gonna ask you what the rules are.

You're being annoying. You're disrespecting my husband now.

We were just having a great time,

and now it's like World w*r III.

This is literally gonna (bleep) ruin my marriage!

I'm gonna get (bleep) pissed.

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ When it's all too much...

(Deena) I think I'm dying.

My hands are really swollen. That means something.

(Pauly) Ooh, you know what that means? I think you are dying.

Vin, what does it mean when your hands are swollen?

You're retaining water.

You're having congestive heart failure.

Congestive heart failure?

Yeah. Let me check your pulse.

Definitely congestive heart failure.

(Pauly) Hold on. Shh, shh.

Ooh, I just remembered I don't have a watch. Sorry.

So, today I'm feeling shaky, sick. My hands are swollen,

I can't get my ring off, and I'm thinking to myself,

I could actually have, like, a problem.

My hands feel weird. Like, I can't even get my ring off.

(Pauly) The last time I heard this girl that had that,

they had to amputate her left hand.

No. You all are joking, but God forbid.

(Pauly) No, but you have another hand.

Who needs...? That's why you have two.

(Vinny) Right. Uh...

Maybe I am having a heart attack.

(chokes)

Oh! Oh!

It's true, though.

Are you on birth control? No.

(Pauly) Oh, my God!

Oh, that's it. You're pregnant.

That's a side effect of getting pregnant, too.

Are you woozy? Do you feel like your head

is like , pounds right now? You can't...

That's why you're holding it up like that?

No, I feel my hands are , pounds.

Oh! Oh!

Now it's both hands, and that's what it does.

It jumps from one hand to the other.

Then, when it's both, you may have twins.

No. I have my period. Oh! Oh!

It doesn't matter. You still could be preggers.

That's why Ron didn't pull out. He thought the same thing. Oh!

(Pauly) Yeah, buddy.

So you and Chris pulled the goalie?

No, he wears condoms. I already asked her. Mm-hmm.

You wear condoms with your husband?

Your skin's not even touching. That doesn't even count as sex.

Yes, it does. (Pauly) I bet they don't always.

In the morning time, when you roll into him like this...

And he's standing up into attention,

you give him that lazy side booty.

And he rolls into you like this...

Then you always give him that lazy side booty.

You're telling me that he really goes, all right,

hold on, let me get a condom?

Yes. We always wear them.

Damn! That's a b*ner k*ller.

I mean, yo, I thought you got married to,

like, stop using condoms,

but they started using condoms when they got married.

Don't get me wrong. I get it.

Like, if you meet some thottie in the club,

you gotta use a condom, but once you get married

to somebody, like, take that (bleep) off, dawg.

He doesn't want to have a baby right now

and I don't either, until we get back.

(Vinny) So, why aren't you on birth control?

I can't go on birth control.

Why? It makes your hands...?

(Pauly) There's a lot of side effects. No, it makes me, like, not feel good.

That's why Vinny's not on it. I just (bleep).

I just started busting in my girl.

No. You started busting in her?

(Pauly) She's on birth control.

Well, yeah, she has an IUD, so I started.

Can you not say "busting"?

(Vinny) Why? That is so raunchy.

Wait, what do you say, then? ej*cul*te?

Like, you know... (Vinny) Finish?

That's it.

Finish sounds like you're beating around the bush.

Yeah, but "busted" is raunchy. It's gross. She's your woman.

You want us to go with (bleep)? (bleep)?

(bleep). (bleep).

(bleep). (bleep), (bleep), (bleep).

Extra (bleep).

(sighs) So raunchy.

(Pauly) What is the medical term for it?

(Vinny) ej*cul*te.

That's the medical term? Yeah.

There's got to be a better one.

I just don't like busted.

(Vinny) Why not? It's perfect.

When Pauly's banging a girl like this,

and he's like, uh, uh, uh, uh! Busted big-time, yeah.

(laughing) I do do that.

(Deena) You do?

No. I'm gonna start. (laughing)

(sighs) ♪ Ay ay

♪ Unless it's you it ain't yo body ♪

♪ Yo body ♪ It can be the middle of the day ♪

♪ Or the middle of the night

We need to work out. We should have went to the gym.

I'm like a fat... We should do something, though.

What do you guys want to do? I think we should do something.

Yeah, what should we do? Anything you want to do.

Let's go to the (bleep) beach club.

(Nicole) Clevelanders? That's fun.

Oh, my God. You want to have a good time today?

I'll have a good time. We'll eat...

Yeah, we'll eat once we're there. Have a little burger.

Burger for the boys. (Vinny) Sunday fun day.

Yeah, Sunday fun day, I'm down. Let's change.

When are you a rallier?

Let's do it. (bleep) it, we'll rally.

No, I'm all about Sunday fun day. That's my new (bleep).

(Pauly) Oh, okay. Okay.

Yay! You're not the worst anymore!

(Vinny) I got something to prove to the meatballs.

(Nicole) Vin's the worst.

(Vinny) The roommates are always making fun of me.

They're saying I can't drink,

I'm not a good time, and it's annoying.

I can't wait for Vin to black out.

She already thinks Vin's the worst. (laughing)

(Nicole) Vin's the worst!

(Pauly) Ooh!

(Pauly) Nicole is definitely a little cold towards Vinny,

and, like, sometimes I feel like she's not really kidding.

They have some kind of history and it's bad.

I'm eating my sausage. I'm just snacking.

♪

I'm gonna wear my daytime Sunday chain.

Let me see the big one.

(Pauly laughing) Two kilos.

Boy, you don't know how much that hurts your neck.

Where's everybody at? Sammi's outside.

(Sam' voice) Cabs are here, guys.

(Pauly) Cabs are here, cabs are here, cabs are here!

I'm downing my drink. (clears throat) Ron?

(Ronnie) Coming right now. (Nicole) Did you (bleep)?

♪♪

(Jenni) Are we gonna fit us all?

Yeah.

(Jenni) Where's Ron going? (Vinny) In the back.

Unless you want to sit in the back.

(Jenni) I'll go in the back if you want. I'll see.

(Vinny) Wow!

(Nicole) Vinny, I like you, but...

I know the rules. ...not like that.

Not like what? Enough to sit next to me?

(laughing)

Me and Nicole have this kind of awkwardness

because we've obviously hooked up in the past.

This year, I'm a little more DTS,

down to snuggle with Snooki.

If she wants to come into my bed and throw it at me,

then I'm gonna take it.

I had fun.

And I don't think her husband likes me.

I wasn't invited to their wedding.

There's like a screen in front of the relationship

that kind of, like, separates me and Nicole

from ever being, like, good friends like we used to be.

It's awfully quiet.

Something's brewing. Something's brewing.

Yeah. (Nicole) Shut up!

What is going on? Like, here we go. More drama.

We know how to push each other's buttons.

(Nicole) He's annoying.

We have so much history that (bleep) can definitely

pop up from out of nowhere. We've proved that in this house.

Nicole, when you get there,

just relax, have a water, have a ginger ale.

Oh, annoying. Pido guido, you're not even fun.

If you spoke to me, Nicole, you would know.

(Ronnie) Oh! Oh!

You're the best friend ever. Thank you.

Own your (bleep), Nicole. What (bleep)?

What (bleep)? Say to him, I broke with you,

so I can't be around you.

You're ruining my (bleep) marriage!

Jesus, you're the worst!

♪

(Pauly) Wow!

(Deena) Ooh, I like Miami!

♪

Today, I'm turning Sunday fun day into Sunday Vin day.

On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

Yes!

Nice! Wow!

Because my man Vinny takes in no calories,

he can go so quick, zero to .

He takes one drink and he turns into sloppy Vinny.

(all cheering)

♪♪

Everyone's getting (bleep) faced. There's naked people.

People are twerking. There's alcohol everywhere.

And when I see temptation, in my brain,

I'm thinking to myself, like, one foot in front of the other.

♪

(Mike) Pretty much all The Situation needs

to enjoy himself right now is a bottle of water

and a good meal to eat my feelings,

you know what I'm saying?

That one was good.

♪

These girls are walking around body painted.

I have a good body. I want to show it off now,

and we're representing Italy right now.

(Ronnie) Wait, isn't that the Irish flag?

Yeah. (laughing)

You're like an Italian Batman.

♪♪

I'm like the mascot for aikido guido, 'cause you've got,

like, the aikido body, but you've got, like,

the guido flag. This is... This is it.

(Ronnie) Oh! Who wrote the note?

(Pauly) That's funny.

(all cheering)

I'm like, (bleep) it. We're gonna keep it going.

Sammi, you know who wrote the note?

Uh-oh...

(Nicole) Oh, my God!

Like, Ron is still talking about Sam. b*tch, stop.

You're having a baby with someone else. Move on.

Annoying.

What the (bleep) is going on in his head?

Maybe he's nervous about the baby.

Maybe he's freaking out because he's not ready

to settle down with his baby mama.

I don't know. Get the (bleep) over it.

Take it.

Responsible?

(Vinny) When I see Nicole having fun with everyone

and seeing how easygoing they are, it sucks.

Yes, Jenni!

With me, she restrains herself from me,

not take a drink from me, not sit next to me.

I'm like, I just want to be friends again.

(Pauly) Whoo! Whoo!

♪♪

Vinny, like, please, just stop.

You know, obviously there's history, and I don't want to,

like, cross boundaries 'cause I'm a married woman

and I have two kids.

(Pauly) Come on, Vinny,

don't touch the merchandise. This isn't for you.

And I'm totally, like, mislabeled right now.

I have no wrong intentions. I have a girlfriend.

(Vinny) I don't know if me and Nicole

will really ever just be regular friends.

Things are starting to get a little weird, honestly.

♪ Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh

♪ What up, ma? Let me put you in... ♪

♪ Purple and pink for your ears... ♪

(Vinny) Wow!

(Nicole) Shut up!

♪ ...just be about it

♪ Don't talk about it body moving ♪

(Pauly) You're allowed to, um...

You're allowed to have my arm around you.

(Nicole laughing) Just not Vinny's.

(Nicole) Don't even touch me.

(Pauly) I was trying to get that... I was trying to get that...

(Nicole laughing) Like, I love him, but, no.

(Pauly) I know, I know, I know. I know the rules.

(Nicole) Yes. Those the rules!

Mom? Yo, I swear mom's never home.

♪

You're still alive?

I'm going in the hot tub.

Ew!

Whoo! Don't touch me.

(Nicole) I just feel like Vinny's being weird

and he's, like, not acting like himself.

Like, b*tch, just leave me alone.

Whoo. God, you're gonna

ruin my marriage. Get off me.

♪♪

Oh, we're not doing a confessional together.

Oh! Wait. No. Stop.

Leaving. (Vinny) Yo!

You freak!

Vinny, don't touch me.

My man will not like that.

No. No, no, no.

I don't know why Nicole won't (bleep) be

in the same vicinity as me. I'm gonna ask her.

I don't know what the (bleep) it is.

She's being cool to me sometimes, sometimes she's not.

Nicole was the one that initiated

hooking up with me, and now, like,

I got the Scarlet Letter and I'm the creep.

Oh, my God. Vin's spiraling in the confessional.

I mean, like, I'm like mad close to just telling Nicole,

like, we need to get this right.

Can I talk to you for a second? No!

I gotta ask you a question. What?

I was gonna ask you what the rules are.

What rules? The ground rules.

There's no ground rules. Like fondle but not...?

I'm not kidding. No. I'm... stop. Stop.

There's no (bleep) ground rules. Like, I'm friends with everyone.

I'm not gonna disrespect my husband. You're being annoying.

You're disrespecting my husband now. Stop.

But before... I'm gonna get (bleep) pissed. Stop.

Listen to me. Stop. I'm getting annoyed now. I want to...

We were just having a great time in the club

and now it's like World w*r III.

Nicole's freaking out about Vinny because of their past.

I think that their friendship hasn't really been fully mended.

(Jenni) Listen, he has a legitimate question.

It has nothing... It just...

No, but you made it, like, dramatic, like...

I'm dramatic? So, what? What?

What's the God-honest question?

Sometimes, I'm just like, I end up, like, literally,

like, two inches from you, right? And sometimes you go,

"I can't be next to Vinny."

Okay. And then, I'm supposed...

What am I supposed to do right there?

Go, "oh, okay," and then, like, walk away?

No, don't be, like, annoying.

Just know the boundaries. Like...

I don't know the boundaries. That's why I'm asking you.

(Jenni) Establish your boundaries right now.

We're friends, Vin.

I don't care about the past.

Like, just let's get over it and start a new thing.

But I just worry about, like, my husband,

and I just don't want to disrespect him in any way.

Just stop talking about it.

This is literally gonna (bleep) ruin my marriage.

I'm gonna get (bleep) pissed.

Stop! He wants to know the boundaries.

(Deena) Nicole!

Vinny is literally a trigger.

They have a history, so I get it. She's, like, annoyed.

Don't (bleep) with my family.

If Jionni was in a house and he was, like, close to somebody

and then they, like, "I can't be next to Jionni"...

I just hit my , steps.

(Nicole) I know that my husband hates this!

♪

♪

(Vinny) I feel like I'm like a leper.

I'll walk and she goes, "I can't be next to Vinny."

Okay. And then,

I'm supposed to go like this.

"Okay." And just, like, walk behind.

Do you want me to go talk to her on that?

'Cause she probably thinks, like, you're gonna...

No! But that's my whole point. If she wants to

keep it on low, she should just be...

(Deena) All right. So, out of respect,

let's just drop it.

She's probably on the defense because you actually

tried to dry hump her at Clevelander.

That was a joke. That was one thing.

That was fun. That was all fun.

(Jenni) It was fun.

I don't want to disrespect my husband,

and that's what's happening.

Like I'm gonna ruin my family over (bleep).

If me and Jenni had sex,

Roger wouldn't feel comfortable, either.

His point exactly. If I had sex with Ron

during my relationship with Roger, I'm sure Roger

would not want me to hang out with Ron or sit next to him.

(Jenni) This is coming from Nicole's insecurities

of living with someone that she cheated on her husband with,

before he was her husband years ago.

I'm gonna go up there.

Own it. Literally say, dude, I (bleep) up so bad with you,

Vinny, so if you would be so kind as to not go near me

when we're out, I would greatly appreciate it. Boom!

(Jenni) Listen, I get both sides.

I don't want to talk about it, annoying. (bleep) off!

Even if you continue talking about it,

there should be set rules.

There shouldn't even be a (bleep) rule.

We're all friends. He's making it.

But you're edging it on. You're egging it on.

I'm not. I said, "set your (bleep) boundaries."

Respect my husband, Jenni!

But he said that you keep saying to him,

"don't stand near me," so don't say that to him!

Cool. It's my fault. Go be on his side. Thank you.

Okay, fine. We're done.

Thanks for being a good friend, idiot. Annoying.

Don't (bleep) call me an idiot and don't (bleep) say that,

because when you say you're (bleep) done, be (bleep) done!

Be (bleep) done, though. Be done.

Don't (bleep), when I'm walking away, say...

I'm not speaking to you, JWoww.

She's out of control. Shh!

Shh! (Ronnie) Yeah, she's out of control.

(Jenni) Don't (bleep) say that I'm an idiot when I'm walking away.

(Nicole) You are an idiot!

(Jenni) I'm respecting you, don't (bleep) say that

when I'm walking the (bleep) away.

Shh! Shut up.

(Ronnie) It's (bleep) crazy.

It's crazy.

I have no idea what's going on.

Uh... uh... eh... ooh...

Like, it really, it is crazy. It's crazy.

And where the (bleep) did all my drinks go?

When I'm walking away, I'm respecting you.

Don't (bleep) say that when I'm walking the (bleep) away,

'cause I'm not gonna tolerate that (bleep),

because I am a (bleep) really good friend.

So, when I'm walking the (bleep) away

and say "we're (bleep) done," don't (bleep) call me an idiot!

(Nicole) Don't raise your voice at me.

Who the (bleep) do you think you are?

(Jenni) We're done. We're done with it.

You're annoying.

You're the best friend ever. Thank you.

(bleep)!

I can't even sit in a cab by accident...

I understand. ...without this girl going,

"oh, no, we need to change positions."

Well, she just blamed me. I'm out.

(Nicole) I hear you, you annoying!

(Vinny) I don't want to try and ruin this girl's marriage.

I have a girlfriend. I know.

No one's trying to ruin this girl's marriage.

Exactly! I just said, be (bleep) real.

She calls me a (bleep) idiot.

I don't deserve to be ragged on...

Oh, my God! You're being so (bleep) dramatic! Shut up!

I'm not (bleep) dramatic, Nicole!

(Nicole) All because I called you an idiot!

What, you've never been called an idiot before?

(Vinny) Oh, my God! I started... I started another fight.

(Nicole) You've never been called

a (bleep) idiot before?

Calm down, Jenni!

Don't (bleep) call me an idiot.

I know, but that's how she is.

I know, but I'm tired of it.

I've been dealing with it for nine (bleep) years.

b*tch, I have a (bleep) family! Shut up, you (bleep) idiot!

(Vinny) Jenni, don't fight with her.

Really, b*tch? Really? Bring it on.

I'm tired of being called a (bleep) worst best friend

when I'm actually sticking up for you.

(Nicole) You (bleep) dramatic b*tch!

(Jenni) b*tch, don't go there. Don't (bleep) go there.

(Nicole) I'm upset here!

(Mike) I am so happy that this time in Miami,

I am not the center of all the drama.

You're the worst! You're, like, not a good friend!

You're the worst! Own your (bleep), Nicole.

Own your (bleep), Nicole. What (bleep)?

Say to him, "I just broke up with you,

so I can't be around you."

You're literally bringing that up now? Being an adult.

You're ruining my (bleep) marriage!

Jesus, you're the worst!

No, I'm not ruining (bleep), Nicole.

Be (bleep) real. Holy (bleep)!

(Nicole) I cannot believe she's bringing that up!

Holy (bleep) estrogen!

(Ronnie) It's Miami, sweetie.

Don't call me "sweetie."

Oh, okay, sweetie.

No, I am not gonna take his (bleep) bull (bleep).

Your narcissistic (bleep)!

You're gonna be getting me into a lot of trouble. I know.

Ronnie is, like, one step above playing with fire right now.