01x04 - Ron Ron Juice

[bunniefuu]

[crowd cheering]

♪♪

Ohh!

[Ronnie] I got a couple more months

before this kid comes flyin' outta there.

I gotta just enjoy myself and really let loose.

♪♪

Me and Nicole have this kind of awkwardness

because we hooked up in the past.

Just know the boundaries.

I don't know the boundaries!

You're being annoying.

You're disrespecting my husband now. Stop.

We were just having a great time in the club,

and now it's like World w*r III.

Their friendship hasn't really been fully mended.

Stop!Nicole!

You're the best friend ever! Thank you.

Own your [bleep], Nicole.

What [bleep]?! Say to him...

What [bleep]?

"I [bleep] up with you, so I can't be around you."

You're ruining my [bleep] marriage!

Be an adult!

I cannot believe she's bringing that up!

♪ Here I come

Yeah, buddy!

Party's here!

The Situation is under construction.

This might not have been the best idea.

We're so classy now.

On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

Get the frick out of here. Are you crazy?

♪ Here I come ♪

♪♪

[Nicole] You're the worst!

You're, like, not a good friend.

Like, all you want is drama!

Own your [bleep], Nicole. Own your [bleep], Nicole.

What [bleep]?! Say to him!

What [bleep]? Say to him,

"I [bleep] up with you, so I can't be around you."

Simple! You're literally bringing that up now!

You didn't do nothin' wrong.

Yeah, right, I know, I know, I know.

You're ruining my [bleep] marriage!

Be an adult.

Jesus, you're the [bleep] worst.

Be an adult.

I'm walking around in a place where someone around me

is going, "I can't sit next to you."

[Nicole] You're ruining--

No, not ruining [bleep], Nicole.

She's bringing that up! Be [bleep] real.

Thanks for being a good friend... Idiot.

[Jenni] Vinny asked Nicole why she keeps avoiding him,

but Nicole straight-up is not hearing it.

She's literally losing her [bleep] mind right now.

I'm leaving.

b*tch, own your [bleep]. You hooked up with him.

That was years ago. Don't make it so dramatic.

[Mike] What is happening right now?

We'll just stay in here, 'cause I'm not dealing with that [bleep].

[Mike] There's so much chaos in this house.

I want nothing to do with this.

The peace that I have...

amidst the storm... is priceless.

Hey, honey. [Lauren] Hi!

What are you doin'?

She calls me a [bleep] idiot.

I don't deserve to be ragged on--

Oh, my God, you're being so [bleep] dramatic-- Shut up!

I just was on the phone with my sisters.

I just hung up on them to talk to you.

[Nicole and Jenni shouting]

What is happening?

You've never been [bleep] called an idiot before?

Don't [bleep] call me an idiot.

You [bleep] dramatic b*tch.

I'm tired of walking away

from being, like, called [bleep] names.

Like, I'm just supposed to [bleep] take it.

I'm sober this year. I can actually, like, stick up for myself.

Kind of sober.

Stick up, yes.

Kinda sober. Tequila's my friend.

[Jenni] I always have Nicole's back,

but I'm also a little bit older, a little bit wiser,

and I'm not gonna defend people if they're in the wrong.

If she's gonna acknowledge it every time you're next to each other...

Yes, exactly. ...there should be [bleep].

Nicole was always the one that initiated hooking up with me.

Vinny, Vinny. Hey, sexy man. Whoo!

She always tripped and fell and ended up on my bed.

Vinny, can I squeeze in with you for two seconds?

And now, like, I got the scarlet letter,

and I'm the creep that can't be around her.

What did I miss?

And now I'm listening to everyone talking [bleep] about me, so--

Everyone? Yeah.

Go downstairs. Jesus, I missed everything.

[Vinny] She's gonna [bleep], she-- she snaps at--

She ragged on me. She called me a [bleep] idiot.

She snaps at anybody in her [bleep] sight.

It's not fair.

♪♪

[Nicole] Done.

Done! [bleep].

[bag unzipping]

Nicole... can you tell me what I missed?

No, I don't wanna talk about it.

You gotta tell me what happened.

Like, I-- I don't want to disrespect my husband.

And that's what's happening.

Oh, I understand that.

Like, I'm gonna ruin my family over this [bleep].

[crying] I'm over it. It's not worth it.

[Pauly D] In this house, a lot of people spiral,

and Nicole spirals.

I mean, it's hard to talk any sense to Nicole,

but moments like this are the worst.

Well, my best friend's probably packing up and leaving.

Your best friend is a [bleep] idiot.

She called me an idiot. That's what set me off.

We haven't talked in, like, four years.

Like, I have a girlfriend, like...

Yeah. You know?

Jionni specifically said... "Don't cause drama."

Now it's [bleep] drama. This is, like, the worst.

[sighs] I wanna leave.

Nah, maybe just take a break.

You know what the weird thing is?

Jionni, he was, like, mad, like, cool with me.

Something snapped in his head, like, a couple years later.

I didn't get invited to the wedding.

Jionni hates me. Understandably.

Like, I don't know if I wanted a guy at my wedding

who's messed around with my girl.

I get where he's coming from, but I miss, like,

the old me and Nicole, because we were good friends.

I just said one thing.

I was gonna ask you what the rules were.

What rules? The ground rules.

Because I felt uncomfortable, and it triggers her.

I gotta be more weary of saying [bleep], I guess.

[Pauly D] If anybody in this entire house

needs Pauly D positivity, it's Nicole.

[soft knocking]

Knock-knock. Hi.

Hey, Pauly.

I wanted to give you a second.

For yourself.

And I wanted to bring you some wine.

Spiraling. Thank you. You're welcome.

And if you wanna tell me what happened now.

How are you feelin', though?

You took a minute for yourself.

I'm like [bleep] up. Like, why is this happening?

If you ever gotta-- just gotta take a minute

and get away from everybody, just do that.

Whatever helps you cope, but this is your other family.

Yeah, I know. And, like--

I know, I love you guys, and--

Yeah, no, we love you, too-- I just feel like all of us

were drunk and, like, I love Vinny.

Like, Vinny's, like... a good friend of mine.

Oh, yeah. At the same time, like,

there's-- I wanna respect my husband as well,

'cause obviously there's history. Mm-hmm.

So it's just like...

there's boundaries, but it's just, like--

Yeah, boundaries have rules. Like, I wanna respect those rules as well.

That's why we actually do rules in the beginning.

Right? Like, I can't-- yeah.

There's got-- there has to be rules. I know, I just...

I'm proud of Nicole, 'cause she could recognize what she's doing.

And it's deep down inside, she can find it,

it's just dee-- really deep, heh.

I just feel like I'm... I hope I get over it.

It's, like, annoying. I think you will.

I think it'll get better. With time.

Can you go get Jenni? I'm, like, scared.

Yeah. I'll go get her.

[chuckling] Be right back.

Stop... Am I, like, the Angelina now?

Hell, no!

[chuckling] Hell, no. We like you.

[chuckling] I'll be right back.

[Nicole] Me and Jenni are fighting.

I called her an idiot, and she's annoyed.

Like, I hate fighting with Jenni.

She's my best friend.

Hi. Hi.

Excuse me. Uh, how would you feel

about going to talk to Nicole?

Oh, she wants to talk to me?Yeah.

[sighs]

[footsteps]

[gasps] I hear her.

[chuckling] Oh, my God, I'm scared.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry.

This is like our second fight ever!

♪♪

I'm so sorry. I didn't know if you were mad at me still...

No...

It's my fault and I'm sorry.

Like, I'm so emotional and annoying, but...

I am the same, and I was like--

But you, like, screamed, and I got nervous.

You called me an idiot, and I got very defensive.

I know, you go, "She called me a [bleep] idiot!"

And I'm like, "Calm down."

Idiot-- I call you idiot every day.

Every day! But I was-- I'm sorry.

Me and Jenni, we're sisters, we're only-child syndrome.

We get each other, and...

sisters fight sometimes, you know?

I love Vinny, obviously, like he's one of my good friends.

I just don't want to disrespect Jionni.

And I know Jionni, he's... he doesn't even give a [bleep].

Jionni-- Jionni could give two [bleep] if it were me-- I know. I know.

But she's mean. [Pauly D] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's mean to me.

You know what I'm saying? Like-- it's not like you're dealing with someone--

Like, remember when I left and I had anxiety?

Yeah. Was I mean to anybody?

No.

I really hope Nicole and Vinny can talk [bleep] out

and then, you know, move on.

But who knows what's gonna happen?

Vinny is, like, pissed.

It's a defense mechanism for her.

She's-- yeah, a defense mechanism for her

is getting angry and [bleep] being mean.

You wanna come off as a good wife.

Yeah, and I told-- and I don't wanna--

And you are a good wife. I don't wanna hurt him.

You give [bleep]. Like, you're a fantastic--

No, like, I go. Yeah, you're a good wife.

You give [bleep]. Not really.

You ride it, though. You're like... On occasion.

And I-- that's probably why my hip has issues.

I don't even make dinner at this point, I order.

Jionni has nothing to worry about, right?

Love you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, too.

Every time we're in a public place together,

it goes "I can't be near Vinny."

It's more like a joke, like, "I can't sit by--"

It's-- it's a joke, but it's, like, not.

I'm not attracted to you... Same!

♪♪

Everyone was drinking. Tensions flew.

And it turned into a whole thing.

[Pauly D] I don't know.

They're gonna talk it out, but I think they'll be fine.

She just can't, like, uh, she already said she needs

to work on not wanting to leave every time something goes wrong.

That's it. She needs to work on that.

[Vinny] At least she acknowledged it.

And you guys should probably talk, I don't know.

Nah. [chuckling] No?

At least she acknowledged that [bleep].

But, honestly, I would like to talk to her because...

that's all I was trying to do before.

It's so awkward for me.

I'm definitely interested in, like, what "the Vin rules" are.

But Nicole, she's unpredictable.

She could be coming to punch me in the face,

or she could be coming here to,

you know, have a conversation with me.

I don't know what Nicole I'm gonna get.

Wait, shh. Here she comes. Hey, Nicole!

Vin, can we talk, or are you gonna stay in there?

I can talk. Just, like, a moment.

You want me to talk out there?

[Pauly D] Wanna sit here?

I mean... yeah.

Wait, are we gonna have an audience?

I'll-- I'm gonna go pop a bottle of red wine.

You wanna go by yourself? It's not anything weird.

[Deena] I'm gonna go and just go to the bathroom.

I'm gonna go check my... hair extensions.

The only reason why I said anything was because...

obviously, not just here, but before here,

every time we're in a public place together or something,

you're like, "I can't be near Vinny. Get me away from Vinny."

It's more like a joke. Like, "I can't sit by you," and I, like, laugh about it.

It's a joke, but it's, like, not.

Well...

So anyway, my-- my whole thing was...

I just reacted to that.

If someone was like, "I can't be near Nicole. Get me away from Nicole"...

Oh, yeah, that's dramatic.

You would just-- somehow you would have a human reaction.

Well, you know. And I had a human reaction.

I'm sorry for that. No, that's fine.

I should be more understanding of that.

[Ronnie] Wait, where's Vinny?

He's talking to Nicole.

Is that allowed, or...

They're in a good place. Thank God.

I'm just tired of her acting weird.

At the end of the day, you have a beautiful family,

you have a husband, I have a girlfriend.

No offense, I'm not attracted to you like that.

Same. You're like weird.

Right. Same.

I'm a spider monkey, whatever the [bleep] you call me.

Like, I don't even look at you like that. I don't think you're cute.

And you know what sucks, too, is that, like, I really like you.

I would love to be friends with you.

No, like, we're still always gonna be friends,

and, like, we're not gonna be a*s[bleep] and not talk to each other.

Your husband, I % get where he's coming from.

Yeah.

He was mad cool with me, but...

everything has changed.

It's not him, it's me. It's in my head.

That's good to know. That's good to know.

It's just my feelings.

Like-- like he knows, and he's fine.

It's just me.

You know, that was just, like, annoying and dramatic.

I'm sorry. That's good.

Nicole apologizing, it's like wow,

like, this is a different person.

She's matured, she's grown a lot.

And, like, I feel that me and her are in a better place,

and it's not just like elephant in the room anymore.

Like, I just wanna be a good wife to my husband. That's all.

Well... I'm glad that we... came to this resolution.

Thanks, Vin.

Love you... As a friend.

[laughing] Oh, my God. You're annoying now.

Wait, why don't you say it back? Nicole! I love you!

♪♪

I'm so fat, like, I feel like I gained ten pounds in, like, two days.

[Pauly D laughing] Let's go to the gym!

[Pauly D] So we're all raging.

We're having a good time, it's vacation,

we're partying like old times.

So I'm thinking that today,

maybe we should probably just relax.

Ah, hell no! We're doing GTL!

Gym Tan Laundry g*ng.

I'm gonna just stay here,

and I'm gonna lay by the pool.

Who [bleep] works out while they're on vacation

and does laundry and [bleep]?

Like, come on!

Oh, my God, Team J-Woww and Situation.

Let's go [bleep] up somebody.

♪♪

I'm really good when it comes to, like, energies and stuff,

and I'm telling you, man, I feel like even though

I'm going through this, you know, I feel like

something good is gonna come of it, you know?

Of course.

Not a setback but a set-up for greatness.

[laughing]

You gotta fail to succeed, bro.

Yeah. You do.

Like a slingshot gets pulled back...

and then let go. Psheew. Yeah.

But... but like the prosecutor and everyone

were, like, pretty satisfied at the plea deal?

Yeah, yeah. It was one count of tax evasion.

Mm-hmm.

And they admitted that I had a very minimal...

They did? That's great.

...involvement in those activities.

Was your brother the same or not? No, no, he's different.

I didn't even stay for his. I just know that he pled, too, for something else.

May I ask if you and your brother speak?

I don't necessarily speak to... my other brother.

Oh, you don't speak to Frank?Yeah.

So...

He was on Twitter like two, three months ago, saying,

like, you know, "@TMZ, I have a story for you."

You know what I mean? I can see that [bleep].

Oh, my God. Oh, the story never came out, though.

No, they just didn't give a [bleep].

I don't know. [laughing]

You know what I'm saying? Wow.

You just don't do that. You know?

No, and that's hurtful.

Yeah, you don't need to do that. Just be yourself.

[Jenni] I feel really bad for the situation that Mike's in.

He trusted his family, like, he trusted people around him

that, you know, weren't good for him.

He's blinded by fame and money.

Frank?Yeah.

Ah, he got thirsty. Yeah, he got thirsty.

Thirstiest mother[bleep] I know.

At the end of this storm, whatever happens,

I'm gonna be holding my head high,

and I wouldn't bet against me.

Now, this is vacation.

[bleep] going to the gym. Please.

Let me live.

[wind whipping] [Deena sighs]

♪♪

Gym-tan-laundry, gym-tan-laundry, gym-tan-laundry.

I'm like Repeato Robot. Gym-tan-laundry.

Gym-tan-laundry. Gym-tan-laundry. It's all we do!

♪♪

[Nicole] You look like a bodybuilder. I love you.

Get it, b*tch.

I'm gonna [bleep] her crotch later.

Love her. [laughing]

Ugh.

♪♪

[seagulls squawking] Hey!

Is this the ocean?

Oh, it is the ocean!

I thought it was, like, a lake.

[laughing] Let's go!

Ooh, I just peed a little. What is it?

I peed. Get those knees up.

A squirt came out.

Come on, pain, you're my b*tch!

♪♪

seconds.

I'm peeing.

Two! Three, four, five.

Oh, I tinkled. [bleep], I tinkled.

Peed like five times.

[Pauly D] Where's Mike?

♪♪

You guys are gonna like the tanning salon.

Mike comes with us to GTL, and I'm like, wow,

this guy used to be Mr. GTL.

Now it's like, what the [bleep] happened?

♪♪

[Mike yawns]

[Deena] It's not all about you, Ron!

Okay.

You narcissistic [bleep bleep]! How 'bout that?

[Nicole] So I'm gonna make the girls drinks.

I'm making the drinks really [bleep] strong,

because I want them to pass out.

Hopefully this will keep Ron from -- cheating.

[overlapping chatter] Chug it!

♪♪

Let's make some Ron-Ron Juice.

This shirt's gonna get ruined.

Look at this watermelon.

This succulent, succulent...

voluptuous...

smooth watermelon.

Blended with vodka and cranberry... and ice.

Then swallowed by everybody in the house.

Ron-Ron Juuuice...

Spiraling, just like we're gonna be tonight.

[blender whirring]

It's the first time Ron's making Ron-Ron Juice,

and now I know that we're all gonna spiral

because when we have Ron-Ron Juice, it's like...

It reminds me of Jungle Juice in high school.

Like, it tastes so good, and you keep having it,

and then you wake up on the grass the next day.

And you're like, "[bleep], what happened?"

[Ronnie laughing]

[Pauly D] Yeah, :, I'm gotta go get ready.

I gotta shave. I have a question.

What, how did your armpits get so sweaty? I don't know.

[Deena] Why are you raising your hand like you're in school?

If Sam did come here,

like, what would it have been like for you two?

Yeah.

Would you have legit let her just do her

in the house, or would you have ragged a little bit?

What do you mean? Ragged about what?

I have a kid on the way.

You think I give a [bleep] what she does?

Are you ragging on her with the doll

just because she's not here?

I would do it if she was here.

[Pauly D] Hearing Ron talk about Sam is giving me flashbacks

of, like, back to their torturous relationship.

It's like I'm a battered child remembering my past.

There would have been a division in the house.

And you would have been on her side, so...

Me and her were always closer.

Oh, she's-- she's a [bleep] titty-sucker.

[Nicole] Deena and Ron are fighting over Sam.

I'm like, "Oh, [bleep], it's happening again."

Is it gonna be this way the whole time?

When me and her dated, she never talked to you,

she never talked to you, she never talked to you.

She talked to me. Not really.

Ooh! Not the way she talks to you now

and she talked to you after we broke up.

[Jenni] That's a fact. That's true.

It's a dead-up [bleep] fact.

Ron needs to stop talking about Sam and, like,

move the [bleep] on.

Sam told me that he used to call her on blocked numbers

and used to, like, be really weird.

She was afraid she was gonna get in the house

and he would get drunk and spiral

and try and get back with her or something.

Me and her really do have a good friendship. She did talk to me.

Anyway, I think she's hanging with Angelina now.

That's what I heard. [laughter]

You all right?

Your face looks like you're not okay.

No, 'cause I'm annoyed.

Yeah, you literally are like this.

Deena's very defensive when it comes to Sam.

And by doing that, she's starting

to pick fights with Ron.

But right now, let's end this [bleep].

Go out and like full-on rage.

Deena, I'm gonna let you know if I need something steamed, okay?

Not happening tonight. Give me a break.

Now you don't wanna stream my [bleep]?

All right, fine.

I guess I'll wear a wrinkly shirt then.

[Jenni laughing]

See what happens when you bring out the Ron-Ron Juice?

♪♪

You're steaming? I'm gonna teach him how.

[blow dryer shuts off]

Sometimes, you just gotta give it a little touch-up.

Oh, my God, you're such an a*s.

Oh...That's not bad. Hey, buddy.

[Nicole] That's the hottest outfit I've ever seen you wear.

Hey, buddy. This is not bad.

No, it's not bad.

[Vinny] Mike looks ridiculous.

He looks like s Miami,

that's how bad this outfit is.

You look like Nick Lachey in, like, .

I mean, it's like Backstreet Boys, .

You look like a g*y farmer.

[laughing]

What do you think? What do you think?

Think-- okay. I-- I-- Let me get out of here.

He looks like if, like, Mark Wahlberg

starred in "Brokeback Mountain."

Ugh! [laughing]

Yo, this is why I can show you guys and you can tell me.

Okay. I'm changing.

♪♪

These bad boys are trying to pop out.

Yeah, buddy!

Thank you!

[Deena] Look, now he's happy! [laughing]

Ha ha, look at him smile. Oh, man.

[Vinny] I've never seen a night

start with Ron-Ron Juice and end well for Ron-Ron.

[Pauly D] Cabs are here, cabs are here! [whistles]

[Mike] Don't leave Sammi home by herself.

Dee, your butt looks phenomenal in those.

Thank you. Shake thatculo.

Ron's gonna come with us.

[Ronnie]Am I?

Ron, come in our car.

Hyuh!

♪ ... my mistakes

♪ I'm sorry if you had to look ♪

♪ I will always be here if you stay ♪♪

The first MVP outing to the club, too.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, yeah,

'cause you weren't in the club with us.

No, this is long overdue, boys.

First nightclub with MVP in a while.

Yup. MVP, all day. And all night.

[laughing]

Can you believe Mike's here? We're finally, actually going out together.

I know, this is-- All of us.

You think he's gonna be all right, though?

Like, with-- with alcohol and, like, girls?

Yes. He is. Oh, yeah, I think he'll be fine.

I hope so. And drugs.

It's Miami, sweetie. They-- No, I think--

Don't call me sweetie. Uh, okay, sweetie.

No, don't [bleep] call me sweetie.

Okay, sweetie. Oh, my God.

No, I'm just-- 'cause I-- like,

you're, like, telling the, ooh, this, that, and that.

No, I'm just [bleep] tellin' you how the [bleep] it is. Like...

Oh, my God.

You know, Dee, you are a good person,

but you play both sides.

How am I playing both sides?

Like, you want to be my friend, you want to be Sam's friend,

but, like, if Sam was talking bad about me,

you wouldn't be like, [mocking] "Don't say that about Ron!"

I never--

[jabbering mockingly] You're gonna tell me

in the last year, she's never said one bad thing about me.

She doesn't talk about you at all.

Ohh, that's the biggest bull[bleep] I've ever heard in my [bleep] life.

It's not! Her life revolved around me.

What are you talking about? But it doesn't anymore.

[Mike] I'm here with my boys, MVP.

And it's time to, uh, put some work in.

And I got permission from my lady...

...to be wingman.

[laughter] Oh, no, no! No.

To watch me have sex. I have a-- I have a--

Nothing what?

Ron, the last year has-- has-- I haven't had--

[jabbering mockingly]

Listen, b*tch, I'm not the same person I was in Jersey.

I'm a grown-a*s woman.

I am not gonna take your [bleep] bull[bleep].

We're talking about one subject!

No, because why would-- why would me and Sam talk about you?

Why do you divert? Stop diverting.

Why would me and Sam talk about you?

Why are you diverting? Why are you diverting? Why are you diverting?

Ron! Ron! Why the [bleep] would me and Sam...

All I asked is a simple [bleep] question...

Oh, my God, this is so awkward.

[bleep], don't get weird.

This is like Mom and Dad fighting right now.

You're gonna tell me she's never said one bad--

No! Because, you know what, this past year,

we didn't talk about you!

Oh, I get it. It's not all about you, Ron!

[mocking] Oh, okay.

You narcissistic [bleep]!

Yo, can you bring home girls tonight?

'Cause I need some kind of entertainment

to put me to sleep. Yeah, man, I need it.

The bed moving up and down puts me to sleep.

It's like a lullaby. Oh, no doubt.

It doesn't all revolve around you!

Actually, it does. It doesn't all revolve around you!

Uh, obviously it does, 'cause you're the one mad

'cause of the [bleep] doll in there, 'cause you're ragging on me.

I don't like the [bleep] doll!

Oh, why? I don't like the doll.

Why? Because she doesn't know it's here.

So then [bleep] call her and tell her!

Yo, that's your [bleep] friend. Call her and tell her!

And I think it's just inappropriate.

Why? Call her and tell her!

You're such a [bleep]... That's your [bleep] friend.

Call her and [bleep] tell her!

Relax. No! [bleep] gotta relax. Oh, here we go.

[Deena] Oh, my God, I'm done. I'm done!

♪♪

That's your [bleep] friend. Call her and [bleep] tell her!

Relax. [bleep], like,

play neutral. Don't play--

But I am playing neutral!

Can we just go? Let's [bleep] go and take a shot, please.

Stop! Stop!

[Jenni] Deena's going down the path of "Meana."

I can feel it, like, [bleep]'s about to pop off.

Feels like we're rolling up to Karma again.

MVP goin' to Karma.

[Mike] We are now entering Satan's playpen.

♪ Here we are

♪ The end of time

♪ I wanna know...

[Pauly D] This place is packed with nothing but girls.

This is heaven for me.

♪ I'm with you

♪ I gotta feel...

This is the Miami that I remember.

[Mike] I had a booty to the left to me, okay?

I had to come through with the left stiff arm, okay?

And then a booty to the right of me.

I continue with the stiff arm.

It was like I was in "The Matrix" and I am The One,

and I was dodging the booty.

I was like, "Damn, I'm out this piece." Mmm!

[driving dance music]

M... V... P!

[all shouting]

No, thank you!

These two girls come over,

and they just wouldn't leave us alone.

[Jenni] Like, you're nice, you're cute, but you gotta go.

And they didn't want to leave.

And I was like, okay, b*tch, you gotta go.

[Pauly D] These girls, they were trouble.

Like, trying to get 'em out and they keep coming back,

and now they're getting into it with Deena.

[Mike] These two girls roll up on Deena,

and they are disrespecting one of the members of our squad.

[bleep] is about to go down.

Go away!

[Vinny] Deena is, like, beefing with some girl.

The girl is, like, saying some horrendous [bleep].

Deena's so mad that she just picks up some ice

and throws it at the girl.

The girl, she was about to hit Deena in the head

with this bottle of champagne.

As soon as I saw that, I was like, "Nope!"

[Deena] Go away!

Go the [bleep] away!

Go the [bleep] away, b*tch!

Go the [bleep] away!

Get the [bleep] out of here!

♪♪

[Deena] Yes, baby, yes!

Like, that's amazing, Vinny!

He sticks up for me.

Like, maybe I'll steam his shirts a couple more times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

So much!

I look over from afar,

and I see these beautiful blondes.

Very like Russian, Swedish, blonde, blue-eyed,

and I'm like, "Ooh, these girls'll be perfect for Pauly."

♪ Here we go

It's real dope to be out with the girls in the house.

They're like wingmen.

They're bringing over girls to our booth,

and I'm the only one single in the house,

so all these girls are for me and me only.

Everybody else can look, but I'm the only one that can touch.

[Ronnie] Wow. A girl without a bra in a see-through shirt

is not a bad situation.

Single Ronnie is in the building.

What?

Make some noise!

♪♪

[Jenni] What the [bleep] is going on?

I bring these girls for Pauly,

but Ron is actually grinding on one.

That is not what I wanted. This is an actual situation.

[Vinny] Ronnie is full tilt right now.

He is a wrecking ball.

If Ronnie gets any closer to this girl, he's about to have a second baby mama.

♪ Yeah

♪ Everywhere I look I wanna see my face ♪

♪ All the little boys on the magazines ♪

♪ I'm tired of being who I used to be ♪

♪ I just want... ♪

[Pauly D] There's something in the water here in Florida

that makes Ronnie's decision-making go south,

and I'm like, "Oh, no, this is a recipe for disaster."

You guys coming back with us? Yeah!

Okay!

Why not bring the girls back to the house?

Like, you know, the party doesn't have to stop.

Let's [bleep] just have a good time.

I love you. I love you.

I love you, but, like, this looks bad.

We should leave. Let's go.

Who are your friends? I'm gonna show self-control.

Oh, my God, you're bringing her home? What is happening?

You're bringing someone home. Yeah, with her friends.

[Nicole] It looks terrible.

Just, like, dude, back the [bleep] off.

This is, like, bad [bleep].

Come on. You're my guests.

You're my guests.

Let's go.

Everyone can fit, everyone will fight.

Let's have a good time. Let's live it up.

♪ I'm on top of the world ♪

Oh, God.

♪♪

Let's get out of here. Let's go.

Cabs here! The guys in the back one?

You all is coming? You're my guests.

Of course.

Ron, stop! Everyone can fit.

[Pauly D] Right now we're about to leave Mokai,

and Ronnie just starts stuffing girls into the cab.

I'm like, what are you doing, Ronnie?

You have a-- You have a girlfriend at home.

[Nicole] Ron, stop!

[Deena] Is there people coming over?

[Nicole] This is such a bad idea.

It's just, like, dude, not a good look.

We have Swedish, French, Colombian, Swedish, Italian.

It's the whole world.

That's [bleep]. [Jenni laughs]

♪♪

[Blonde ] I wanna go in the Jacuzzi.

[Blonde ] Yeah!

Let's all go in the Jacuzzi. Let's all find the Jacuzzi.

[Jenny] Oh, hi!

Oh, hey, Jenni! They want a little hot tub.

[Vinny]So...

Mm-hmm.

Your boob! It's out.

[Pauly D] No, that's how she went to the club.

[Deena] My God, Ron!

Like, this is just going down a bad path.

[woman] Yeah, Ron, I need a swimsuit.

You don't need a swimsuit. You have a--

No, I'm not gonna be--

Isn't a bra and underwear the same thing as a bikini?

It would look so trashy, though.

They don't even match.

[Vinny and Pauly] Aww!

That's the issue. That's where--

So you know. It's like white and red.

[Pauly] Last time Vinny's panties

didn't match his bra, it was fine.

She didn't care. You want a tank top?

I'll get you-- I'm gonna get you a tank top. Don't worry about it.

So, well, we get back to the house, and, you know...

we all decide that we're gonna go in the Jacuzzi.

You know, and we're-- [bleep],

I don't know whose idea that was. [chuckling]

Can you help me find my tank tops?

Because I'm just trying to get my friends having a good time.

Very noble. Did you--

Did you bring condoms is the real question.

I'm not gonna [bleep] them, Jen.

Relax! Like, I'm not that dumb. Like...

Then why are they here? For fun.

Okay, okay. Fair enough.

Let's go. Let's continue this journey.

[Jenni] If Ronnie wants to go in the hot tub with four chicks,

that ain't none of my business.

You wanna [bleep] up your life, go [bleep] it up.

I'ma just get the popcorn and tea and watch.

I'm going down!

Textbooks are gonna be written about you one day.

[Ronnie laughing]

Ronnie is juggling chainsaws right now.

I think his girlfriend would already be pissed

if she saw what was going on.

He has this creepy look in his eye.

His tongue is out. He's just like... [panting].

The last thing Ronnie is thinking about right now is his pregnant girlfriend.

French Fry, get in here!

You're-- Yo, she put on more clothes to get into the hot tub!

[Pauly D] She put on more clothes than the club.

What the [bleep]?! That's insane.

[all] Whoa!

Whoa!

Yo, these girls are, like, down to get naked

in the hot tub and all this.

No, well, we have to fix that.

Well, then you guys-- It's happening right now.

Huh... we have to-- we have to handle it.

Ohh... Get these [bleep] b*tches drunk.

Ronnie's already flirting a lot, and I don't want him to get in trouble.

So I'm gonna make the girls drinks.

I'm making the drinks really [bleep] strong

because I want them to pass out.

Hopefully, this will keep Ron from cheating.

[Vinny] Yay! [Mike] Oh, Jenni!

Jenni giving them the drinks!

Yo, Snooki! Yes, b*tches.

Yes, this is, like, pure vodka.

Yes. Drink it.

I think you guys should chug it, see who, like, wins first.

Cheers!

Chug it!

[Blonde ] Thank you so much.

Chug, chug, chug! Yes, b*tch!

Yes, b*tch, you [bleep] chugged!

Do you want more? Oh, my God,

I'll get you more. They're gonna feel great.

Quit being shy!

One of you boys have to go in.

I'll go in. [Nicole] Pauly, get in there.

I am. No, you won't.

I mean, right now there's four chicks in the hot tub.

One of them is basically topless.

I have a girlfriend, but it would be so, like, rude

if we didn't join the party.

Look at the underwears! And even look at Pauly, look at him!

French Fries is out here just chilling.

Obviously, like, your shirt is really revealing.

Is that like a European thing or is that like a Kardashian thing, or...

That's European. No.

She has great boobs. Why not show them?

I know, but people...

I've been trying to get Vinny to free nipple for years.

Real boobs. Real boobs?

Yeah. Real boobs.

Exact-- I like natural, too. Sorry, no offense.

I have natural, too. Really? Let me see.

Wait, let me see. [Vinny laughing]

I don't believe you. Prove it.

[Ronnie] You have the same doctor as Michael Jackson.

We're not used to that, like, whole thing...

This is the best day of my life.

Oh, he's grabbing it! They're really real.

Wait, Ronnie... Wait, I have to check

the other one just to make sure.

Yep, they're both real.

That's real. That is real.

[Nicole] Here you go.

[woman gasps]

I made this really good.

Enjoy.Thank you.

I put so much vodka in that drink.

[Blonde ] Let's play Truth or Dare.

You guys know each other, right? Yeah.

Have you ever kissed before? No? Ohh!

No, we kissed once!

[Pauly D] She said yes, she said yes.

New Year's!

If you guys kiss, we'll kiss.

I don't care if [bleep]...

[Ronnie] Somebody kiss.

Wow. I like this game. We're in Miami.

[Deena] I can't.

What is happening over there?

[Blonde ] Next!

[Jenni] The last time I caught Ronnie cheating,

I got punched in the face for writing a note.

I ain't gonna write any more notes.

I'm gonna go the [bleep] to bed.

[Mike] Jenni, where are you going?

I'm going up. Game over.

[spritely music]

[Vinny] Nicole, she punched the--

[Blonde ] No, no, no, no, no!

[Ronnie] It's the three-- It's the Three Sobers!

I like this girl, I like this girl.

They're, like-- they're judging us.

[overlapping chatter]

Oh!

Oh, you slipped and fell on Vinny.

I'm not slipping.

I'm getting out. I gotta go to the bathroom.

[Pauly D] So this Colombian girl,

I think she partied too hard,

and now it's all hitting her at once.

She's stumbling, her eyes are bugged out.

She doesn't even know where she is.

I'm sorry. No, it's fine.

I've got you.

[Brunette] I'm so embarrassed.

Listen, I've been there, b*tch.

b*tch, I'm Snooki. I've been there.

I'm trying to take care of her 'cause I feel bad,

'cause I feel like this is my fault.

Just sit, sit.

Oh, you're throwing up? Oh, she's dying.

[Pauly D] Damn, what happened?

She's dying.

Colombiana, you okay?

She's-- She--

[retching] I'm like-- Oh!

Oh, my goodness. Ooh!

Holy [bleep], she's projectile.

[Nicole] Oh, my God. This totally backfired.

I hope she doesn't die, 'cause if she does die,

I made the drink, and I'm going to jail for m*rder.

I'm thinking we need a medic.

No, you're fine. Breathe.

No, don't move, don't move. Don't-- Ooh!

Trust me... You're gonna be absent for that class.

Don't-- Don't move, don 't move.

Ooh, God. Whoa!

Here, put this on. Whoa.

You have throw-up everywhere... Oh, God.

I'm trying to get the puke out your hair.

Where's Ronnie?

[Ronnie] It was fun hanging here out with you.

Like, it was a pleasure. Had a good time.

[Antonia chuckles]

You're beautiful. Like, you are... gorgeous.

Like... [Antonia laughing]

You would get me into a lot of trouble.

I don't see your house.

Why you don't-- you don't-- I don't see your house?

You wanna see the house? I want to see it.

All right, I'll show you the house.

Before I leave.

[Vinny] Ronnie is, like, one step

above playing with fire right now, you know what I'm saying?

Like, it was cute in the club. It was funny.

He might have flirted with the line, but to me,

like, he's taking it way too far right now.

That's the throw-up situation.

[Antonia chuckling]

That's the kitchen.

That's my fake ex-girlfriend.

[Antonia laughing harder]

And we're going all the way upstairs.

Just be careful. Very tricky stairs.

This is my room... right here.

This is the bathroom.

I wonder if this door works.

Did he bring the girl upstairs? I think so.

[Vinny] If Ronnie does anything French right now,

it should be "au revoir."

Like, goodbye, get out of this house,

you do not want to do this.

[kissing noises]

Yo, Ron.

[Ronnie breathing]

[knocks on door]

[Ronnie] No, thank you.

[Mike] What the [bleep] are you thinking?

That girl got no clothes on.

[Pauly D] Temptation in Miami's real.

Bow down! It's yacht day.

I hooked the [bleep] up.

I can fly, Jack.

I [bleep] up.

It's something I need to tell Jen.

What is wrong with you?

Why can't you marry this b*tch?

I'm [bleep].