01x07 - Baby Mama Drama

[bunniefuu]

Since we're meeting Jen for the first time,

anything off-limits? No.

It's going to be an insane next couple days.

We all know what happens when you get the money, Mike.

[all] Ohh!

[Mike] Ronnie continues to come for me.

I'm gonna have to check him.

Hi, it's Mike. Ronnie likes French fries.

[Jenni] If Mike, like, slips up in the French fry way,

Ron would just physically destroy him.

[all screaming]

♪ Get crazy, get wild

[Pauly D] Yeah, buddy!

[Nicole] Party's here!

[Mike] The Situation is under construction.

[Ronnie] This might not have been the best idea.

[Jenni] We're so classy now.

[Vinny] On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

[Deena] Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

♪ Do something crazy ♪

♪♪

[Pauly D] Ron's wife is comin'! Ron's wife is comin'!

Our first guest of the vacation.

I love guests this time of year.

[laughing]

I never have seen Ron without Sammi,

so it's definitely gonna be weird

seeing Ron with another girl,

especially 'cause Sam is my friend.

Well, look at you. He's all nervous.

[Ronnie] I'm excited to see Jen, but I'm nervous

because I don't want anyone to bring up, like,

the French fry or the bathroom.

I'll decipher what goes on in my relationship.

This isn't Sam and Ron anymore.

There's gonna be no more

[bleep] notes being wrote.

I hear movement. I hear movement.

[all screaming]

Shut up! Shut up! Shh, shh, shh.

Go get her, go get her. You guys are so stupid.

I hate all of you.

[Mike] Ronnie's stressed.

I would be excited if my girl was coming up.

Somebody's wife is here! Somebody's wife is here!

But then again, I didn't -- up, and dip in some French fries.

This is so-- Look at how nervous you are!

[all shouting]

[laughing] Oh, my God.

[Pauly D] Look at how nervous he is!

[Nicole] They're creepy, sorry.

Hello, welcome. Welcome!

[overlapping chatter]

Hi, I'm Deena. Nice to meet you. Hi, nice to meet you.

A wise man once said,

"Never fall in love at the Jersey shore."

But on the next page, it also said,

"Never bring your pregnant girlfriend to Miami."

All right, maybe we should give them a minute

and not be so weird. No, no, no.

Let's just follow them like this.

Let's circle them. Let's circle around them.

We literally were standing over them

as they were trying to embrace.

[Pauly D] We don't get many guests. We don't get many guests.

Let's go behind the door like this.

[Ronnie] Let's put your stuff upstairs.

[Pauly D] Ronnie, show her my room!

Ronnie's gonna, you know, give her a tour of the house.

See what I have to live with?

Be careful. Very tricky stairs.

He's gonna show her the bedroom...

This is Pauly's room, of course.

This is Pauly's room.

Of course the bathroom.

This is the bathroom.

This door works, just...

It's what he does.

She's very pretty. She is very pretty.

Is it weird seeing Ronnie with another girl in this house?

It is kind of weird. It's kinda weird, yeah.

It's been a long time, though.

Do I look way bigger or no?

No. No?

She's like the same height as Ronnie.

They're, like, kind of perfect together.

Do you like our house? Yeah, I love it.

Jen, she's the cutest pregnant woman ever.

Like, I was pregnant two times, and I never looked that good.

What nationality are you? I'm, like...

% Great Britain or something.

Say what?

Yeah.

Can you speak Britain?

No.

[c*ck accent] 'Allo! Oh, my God.

I mean, I think I know how to speak Great Britain.

Britain isn't a language. It's English. Oh.

[British accent] Shrimp on the barbie?

No, that's Australian. [bleep].

[Mike] Let's eat. Let's eat.

[Jenni] I don't think Ron's ready for Jen to come here.

This is our first legit guest ever.

[Jenni] Did you meet Sam? I didn't.

I-- she's very quiet.

We have never did, like, family dinner with an outsider.

This is gonna be intense.

[silverware squeaking on plates]

Ahem!

Oh.

Well, I wanna thank you to everybody for helping me,

and I wanna say thank you for being welcoming to Jen.

Let's enjoy the dinner, and I can't wait

to have a good time tonight, honestly.

[Vinny] Welcome, Jen.

Yes, welcome to the [bleep] show.

Yeah, the mess. Welcome, Jen.

[silverware squeaking]

This is the most awkward dinner we've ever had.

[all laughing] That's all I'm gonna [bleep] say.

[Nicole] Why? Honestly. It's just, it's--

Am I making it awkward?

[all] No! No! They're--

They're making it awk-- awkward. We're [bleep].

We just never had a guest before.

Yeah, we don't know how to behave. We don't know how to act.

I know, you guys look a little uncomfortable.

We don't wanna say anything wrong.

We're kinda like a pack of wolves, I'm not gonna lie.

You bring one of your guests over here,

you never know what's gonna happen.

So Ron is just kind of, like, sitting there,

bracing himself for impact, I feel.

Damn, Jenni. We're all married, we need to know.

So, Ron always says,

"I'd rather pay child support before alimony."

And I just wanna know if, like, Jen feels the same.

I mean, we're gonna take it one step at a time.

So, does she know about your commitment issues?

[Ronnie] We got a lot going on over at the house.

We got the baby coming.

Let's start to get ready for desserts.

Can you guys picture him being a dad?

Yes! He's gonna be amazing. Yes, because of his sisters.

He's gonna be an amazing dad. Yeah.

I remember you coming to see Lorenzo when he was small.

And he would hold him and be like, "Mmm." He flew in

to see Meilani, too. Yeah, he's gonna be a great dad.

[Nicole] He loves kids.

[Jenni] One for Jen--

No, I want an actual piece.

No, I'm gonna have one separate for these two.

[Deena] Oh, is this them? Oh.

And I'll get... [Pauly D] With only one fork.

It says "tiramisu" on it. Is that your piece, Mike?

Mikey... I love funfetti. It's my favorite cake.

Yo, you know what I'm saying? Like, listen, I don't drink,

I don't drug, I don't smoke, I don't even drive fast anymore.

But food, give it to Big Daddy Sitch.

Oh, my God, Mike is living right now.

Mike is so happy now. Look at him.

Living my best life right now.

[scattered chuckles] Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa...

[overlapping chatter] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Pauly D] Damn! [Jenni] That was a dis!

Damn!

I'm gonna stand on the table for that one.

Wow! I'm saying all the cake...

Okay. ...it's not the healthiest.

Damn.

For the rest of the trip... I'm scared!

For the rest of this vacation,

you shall address me by my government.

What? Ooh.

[all laughing] I'm sorry.

I don't know if I should sit or stand.

[all laughing] [Nicole] What does that mean?

So your "new government" is "Incarceration"?

[all gasping, laughing]

[Pauly D] Damn!

[all cheering]

I like her! [Deena] Welcome to the family!

[overlapping chatter]

Oh, my God.

Jen drops a b*mb on Mike and calls him "The Incarceration."

All right, I get it, you're coming into our family.

But you need to warm up to us. First we start roasting,

and then you hit Mike with that right hook. Holy [bleep].

[all laughing] [Deena]Welcome!

[Jenni] Welcome to the family, girl.

[Deena] Welcome to the family!

[Mike] What is going on in here?

You just [bleep] up and came at me right now?

Big mistake.

♪♪

How did this happen just now?

She's just playing? You can't go at a pregnant woman.

That's true. Can't go at a pregnant woman.

Can't go at a pregnant woman. That's true.

Just breathe. Just breathe.

Mike, just breathe. All right, listen...

You're making him relapse right now. Listen, just...

Just pass the French fries. Just pass the French fries.

Ohh... Ohh...

♪♪

Oops.

[Pauly D] I love family dinner this time of year.

♪♪

[Mike] All right, listen, listen.

Just pass the French fries. Just pass the French fries.

Ohh! Ohh!

Mike and Ron have been

roasting each other this entire time here.

You look at Mike's passport--

Oh, that's right, you can't, 'cause he doesn't have one.

Mike, I don't know what to call you.

The Situation, The Incarceration?

[all groaning]

But now, Ron is clearly talking [bleep]

about Mike to his girlfriend,

and now she's calling him The Incarceration?

Like, this is [bleep] up.

The Situation is back in action.

We'll clean up.

Go bang by the bay real quick.

[Ronnie] Mike better be careful.

I whipped ya a*s once. I'll do it again.

We promise we won't talk about you when you're not here.

Damn, I'm never bringing a guest.

You said French fry! You said French fry!

Yeah, but she came at him, though. I don't blame him.

I don't blame you either, dude.

Yo, first of all, she came at me.

Number two, she's a stranger.

I don't mind that we come at each other.

We're like brothers and sisters.

But an outsider, and--

But then I was like, all right, the word that she said

came out of his mouth, 'cause she wouldn't have

said that if it didn't come out of his mouth.

So I did it because I wanted him to know.

I knew she didn't know. You know what I mean?

'Cause he knows what French fries means.

[Nicole] I feel like we should mind our own business,

and he's gonna deal with it, he said, after this.

He seems happy. She's pregnant... Let's mind our business.

[coughing] Write a note. Write a note.

Ahem! Write a note.

Before Ron makes any kind of attack against Mike,

I think he's gonna wait till Jen leaves.

What? Nothing.

[silly voice] Nothing.

Because if anything happened now,

everything from beneath the surface about French fry,

about this whole house, is just gonna come up to the surface.

I mean, what chain should I wear?

I think Jesus is gonna do it tonight.

Always gotta bring Jesus to the strip club. Mm-hmm.

I'm really excited to go to Eleven,

because I've never seen a girl so pregnant in a strip club.

I just wanna see what that's like.

♪ Step up out the crib

♪ Super fresh from head to toe ♪

♪ So what you do?

Whoa... perfect for, uh, t*tties.

♪ She said she wanna go

♪ Never been with a rapper

♪ And she like the way I flow, so what you do? ♪

[Nicole] Are you "Greased Lightning"?

[Jenni] All right, Michael... Jackson.

♪ Come on, baby, no

[Pauly D] Cab's here! Let's go.

Cabs are here!

Cab's here! Cabs... are... here!

That was a good one.

First night out. Jen's in town.

It's partly weird that we're going to Eleven

with a pregnant woman.

I probably would keep my pregnant wife

out of the strip club, personally.

Yeah, buddy.

[Vinny] Tonight's gonna get real weird.

[Pauly D] Ron's wifey's in town!

Ron's wifey's in town!

♪♪

[Deena] It's like my first time going to a strip club

and it's fun.

Like, the girls are classy...

Ohh!

...ish. The music's awesome.

I'm gonna give these girls some bucks.

♪♪

[Pauly D] Vinny, he's struggling with the fact that he's never been

in a relationship at a Shore house.

He's trying to toe that line of not cheating,

but pushing the envelope.

He doesn't go the full mile, but he flirts with it.

[all laughing]

[Vinny] These girls are not just your average strippers.

I mean, their parents sent them to stripper college.

They did, like, stripper internships.

Money well spent-- like, these are

the best strippers I've ever seen in my life.

♪♪

[Jenni] Vinny is on, like, another level right now.

Staring at these strippers like they're fresh meat.

Part of the keto diet.

[Jenni] If Roger even considered picking up a stripper

like Vinny did just now, he would be

punched in the face so hard, he would be eating his teeth

and [bleep] them out next week.

♪♪

♪♪

My favorite part about Eleven

is that there's just boobies and a*s.

♪♪

And boobies and a*s.

Did I say "a*s" already? And boobies?

♪♪

[Ronnie] I mean, what the [bleep]? We just got here

and Jen already wants to go.

I'm like, "[bleep] my life."

♪♪

Hey!

But I'm like, "All right, well, let's go home."

You wanna go home, let's go home, you know?

And it sucks.

Giving up your lifestyle and partying,

I don't think he's ready for that yet.

But, I mean, that's what you should do.

Oh, no, here it is.

♪♪

Doesn't matter what I want no more, it's--

Better for the baby.

[Ron] It's very hard to, like, live this lifestyle and...

...be in a relationship and be loyal

and, like, be the right guy for Jen.

♪ 'Cause I'm just one step away ♪

♪ From once in a lifetime...

[Ronnie] I'm scared, because with me and Jen,

everything happened so quickly.

But at the same time, it's like,

I need to be responsible,

which I've never really felt I had to be before.

And it's hard.

♪ Remember when we promised our affection ♪

Mom?!

♪♪

♪ I told you I'd give everything I have ♪

♪ It must have been a miscommunication ♪

I came home.

[sighing]

You'll be fine. One night.

I'll be fine. Like, literally one night.

I'll be all right, I know. You're fine.

♪ It can bring you up

♪ Or it can pull you down

♪ You better choose before ♪

♪ You hit the ground ♪

♪♪

You can't go one inch without cheating.

How do I be myself when I'm out, but still not break any rules?

[Elicea] Holding a stripper?

You don't see that as a problem?

[Pauly D] This is what happens when you're in a relationship.

[Elicea] It's [bleep] annoying.

♪♪

♪ Worth a couple mill, mill, a couple mill... ♪

My man. Thank you, always.

What's up, my man? Appreciate the hospitality.

[Deena] Thank you so much for everything.

♪ Couple mill, couple mill

♪ Worth a-- worth a couple mill ♪

♪ Couple mill, couple mill... ♪♪

Ow. You're, like, stuck. We're gonna get a pretzel.

[laughing] Get out.

She's just stuck. Are we getting a pretzel?

She's stuck. Oh, we're getting pretzels?

No, we have a pretzel.

I love pretzels!

[Jenni grunts]

Ohh, my God.

"The Designation" again. [chuckles]

Not only am I the Designation and Saint Michael in this house,

but I also take drunk people to bed.

It is a thankless job, but someone's gotta do it.

Jenni, let's, um,

let's go downstairs and get some bread in you.

Okay. Some, like, carbohydrates.

She needs some [bleep] carbohorb... hydrates.

[Pauly D] Yeah.

I don't know what it was, but it tasted nasty.

Hey, Vin... "Tasted funny."

...are we friends?

Yo! You're a part of the IFF, bro.

Tell me, for what? [overlapping arguing]

What were my crimes? 'Cause I picked her up.

You were like this to her. You were like that.

I humped her? You were like that.

Wait, wait, wait, I humped her, or did I pick her up?

You grabbed her butt. I didn't grab her butt.

I picked her up. I didn't see that.

I'm calling my girl. I'm telling her right now.

[laughing] I didn't see that.

Like, Vinny, you touched strippers.

Get a clue. Hands in pockets at all times at a strip club

if you have a girlfriend.

Elicea gon' get pissed.

[dial tone]

[phone line ringing]

Hello?

[Vinny] Ronnie's token quote

was like, "Deny, deny, deny."

But, like, relationships, I think,

are about being transparent.

Like, I'm not trying to go out there, live a double life.

What are you doing? Wow...

Pauly, shut the [bleep] up!

Tell her what you did, bruh.

Okay. So everyone's making a big deal because the whole night,

I was making a joke about saving this [bleep] girl because

she was a stripper and I was like, "Oh, let me save you

because you look like you shouldn't be a stripper."

So I, like, picked her up, and I carried her,

like, three feet. Bro, what the [bleep]?

Why are you carrying other women? Is he calling his girl?

[Pauly D] Yeah, he's [bleep] up right now. Oh, he's-- he's--

Don't call your girl, ever, drunk.

IFF right now, brother. Yo, this guy!

Did I do anything wrong?

What did I do wrong? [bleep], [bleep].

Yo, for some reason, it's always someone's turn

to clock in to the IFF...

And tonight, it's Vinny's turn.

No, I wouldn't like a guy picking you up in a club.

Facts. Facts, facts.

Honesty is supposed to be the best policy,

but I don't think that applies here.

"Babe, I picked up a stripper."

It's like, "Yeah, it wasn't that bad.

"I just picked her up, I only moved her four inches.

I just was trying to save her. That was it."

Like what the [bleep]? Your girlfriend's

gonna flip out, any girl would flip out.

Okay.

All right. I'm-- I'm sorry.

I'm gonna go to sleep, yeah.

What the [bleep] am I doing?

[Pauly D] And you even told her!

It feels pretty awesome to be the best boyfriend in the house.

It's because you wore a shirt tonight that had

maxi pads in the armpits.

[snickering] That's why.

Bro, stop. Had you not had them on tonight,

you'd have been straight. Stop, stop.

I "seent" it.

♪♪

Yo, I'm too tired to work out right now.

I'm not working out.

♪♪

But, yo, man, on a real note, um, yo, I'm taking offense

to Ronnie's baby moms thinking that she can take a dig at me

the first minute she's in the house, brother.

She came hard for you, son, she came hard.

You know what I mean? Like that-- She came hard.

I don't know if the beef between Mike and Ronnie will ever stop.

I mean, they've been going at it for years.

And I don't know what exactly

the root of it is or how to fix it.

That's coming from a place of ignorance,

not knowing exactly what I'm com-- you know, going through.

But at the same time, I don't think she would say that

if it's not coming from Ronnie's mouth.

How is all that sitting with you, like...

No, I never told you, man,

what happened when the Feds got me.

No. I was in the airport, going to Spain.

Yeah.And all of a sudden, like,

the Feds rolled up, served me right at the airport.

Wow, that's crazy.

I got indicted, they took my passport.

You know, I have to check in with a probation officer

once a week, drug test every ten days.

Damn.Like, I wanna jump in, like,

the ocean and just, like, [bleep] scream

and get it out, but I can't.

Damn.You know what I mean?

I mean, if I explained that to Ronnie, he'd be like,

"Ah, so what? You have to call somebody once a week."

Or, "You gotta do a drug test every ten days?

"So [bleep] what? I'm from the Bronx, man.

I sleep with my [bleep] jeans on."

[both chuckling] You know what I'm saying?

Like, that mother[bleep] won't understand.

♪♪

Somebody's wife is sleeping in! Somebody's wife is here!

Oh, hey, Jen. Heh.

Welcome to life with me in the morning.

I was gonna give you a loud wake-up "Yeah!"

but I don't wanna scare the baby.

What's the plan for today? Going to the beach.

[Pauly D] So today we're gonna hit the beach,

have a nice beach day, we haven't seen it yet.

And I am ready. My beach bod is on point.

Ready for the beach? Yeah.

You good? Yeah.

[Pauly D] Cab's here!

♪♪

[Deena] Yay!

You're, like, the cutest little pregnant girl.

You look so cute in that dress.

I hope I look like you when I'm pregnant.

♪♪

[Mike] Yo, look at this.

[men] Whoa...

I think I'm overdressed for this place.

[all laughing]

Nicole is going to the beach

wearing this funeral outfit

'cause she's mourning the death of her liver.

How does this work?

[screams]

[laughing]

You guys wanna check out the beach?

Yeah. Let's go.

[Nicole] Enjoy the beach, guys.

So Jen's visiting, we wanna bring her to the beach,

and, listen, I hate the [bleep] beach.

The moms'll stay back. Yeah, I have a mom bod.

and I don't need that on "Us Weekly."

With my [bleep] cellulite.

[Nicole] I'm not a fan, but enjoy it.

Me, I'm just gonna get a c*ck.

Ooh!

Damn, it's nice. Forgot we had a beach. Heh.

[Vinny] I'm glad that we're finally going to a beach in Miami.

I love clean fun more than I love dirty fun.

I mean, look, yo, I'm getting a lot of Vitamin D

right now from the sun.

I'm tempted to give out some Vitamin D,

but I'm behaving, and I'm being a good boy.

Nice! Looks like we still got it.

Yeah, we still got it.

And we're at the beach.

Can we move here? Yeah.

[Deena] I'm gonna be honest, I never saw him

like that with Sam. Same.

I'm a little annoyed that I actually really like Jen.

Beautiful, they fit each other well.

But...

He's gonna [bleep] up. He already did.

[Jenni] It's annoying.

Ron's doing the same thing that he did with Sam.

It blows my mind that we're still

going through the same [bleep].

I feel like every time we live together,

I'm always stressed about Ron.

Ohh! [bleep].

We k*lled that, bro. That was nasty.

Wanna go get some foods? [Pauly D] Yeah.

Yo, look at that storm coming.

There's a storm a-brewin'.

[Ronnie] It definitely feels different having Jen here

as my girlfriend, you know, 'cause everyone's

used to me being with Sam.

[all murmuring]

[Ronnie] There's definitely a weirder dynamic,

but I'm happy about it and I like it.

You know, it feel, it feels good.

We're all walking like sloths.

[Deena] You could drive with us, Jen. [Jen] Okay.

[Jenni] How is he at home?

He's a sweetheart, like, he really is.

Like, he takes care of me. Like, I mean, he's the best.

[Deena] He's gonna be a great dad.

Yeah, he's a really good guy.

♪♪

[Jenni] Jen asked if Ron's been good.

And I just like, literally...

If I didn't get a punch in the face like eight years ago,

I probably would write another note right now, but...

Yeah, this guy is just really pretty right now.

♪♪

[bleep] my life!

That is the question I was dreading, and it happened.

And I wanted to k*ll myself.

"Yeah, he's great! Oh, yeah, great. Totally good."

[chuckles] Yeah.

Nope.

♪♪

[Nicole] God, I'm so tired.

God, it feels like a different day.

Oh, my God. The car ride over here.

It was just so awkward. This is the worst.

I don't know if, uh...

it's turn-up time or...

No, it's not turn-up time 'cause I will... die.

[yawning]

What is the plan with MVPs?

MVPs, uh, we're gonna down to dinner, and then Mokai's.

Okay. AKA "MoCrimes", you know what I'm saying?

Ronnie's not coming out tonight because Mokai is a problem.

'Cause that's where he did his cheating thing

with French fry girl.

All right, so we getting dressed now? Yeah.

[Pauly D] So we're changing Mokai's name to "MoCrimes."

And you never go back to the crime scene, my dude.

♪♪

[Ronnie] Knowing that Jen's leaving tomorrow...

You ready? Yeah.

[Ronnie] ...let MVP do their thing tonight.

You know, I got what's important to me in front of me.

So tonight, I decided I'm gonna take Jen to a nice restaurant,

and then hopefully we have a good time.

♪♪

[Pauly D] Mokai's poppin'. [Mike] Yeah, right?

♪ Chocolate, unh

[Vinny] Did you bring my, uh, straight jacket?

'Cause I'm wearing a straight jacket.

[Mike] Oh, yeah, you get in trouble--

[Pauly D] My guy's not even moving.

I'm not even, I'm like...

sitting in a corner and, like, freezing.

[Mike] Let me out right here. [Pauly D] Oh, that's perfect.

Right here. Yup. All right, we out.

[Pauly D] Yeah, buddy!

♪ Sweet tooth, baby, make that dollar stretch ♪

♪♪

Mokai tonight is lit.

There are girls everywhere, we're poppin' bottles.

I'm definitely feeling the vibe.

Yo, we love Mokai. We got MVP out here.

This place is packed, there's nothing but girls.

Uh-oh, MVP Mike getting into some trouble tonight.

That's why we call it MoCrimes.

'Cause there's "mo' crimes" to commit.

♪♪

I felt so uncomfortable.

[Jenni] I don't wanna talk to her anymore because

I'm afraid I'm gonna slip up, not knowing.

No, you won't, you're not that dumb.

I have a feeling that something bad's gonna happen tonight.

Yes.

What are you thinking about?

I wish I could get in a Jacuzzi.

What?

I wish I could get in the Jacuzzi, yeah.

It's too hot, right? It sounds so good.

Has it even been used yet?

Huh? Has anybody got in it yet?

What? The Jacuzzi.

Uh, just the first night, when all those people came back.

All those girls or whatever.

Been offering out the Jacuzzi services.

Yeah?Yeah.

Were you in there?

Yeah. Doing what?

♪♪

♪♪

Just the first night, when all those people came back.

All the girls or whatever.

Doing what?

Getting in the Jacuzzi.

I hope that's all that it was.

Definitely wanna tell Jen about the whole French fry incident,

but telling her here is just gonna start a fight

and start a [bleep] w*r in the house, and it's like, know what?

I'm gonna tell her. I have to tell her.

But I'm gonna wait till I get home

and she's not about to give birth.

Only need to be with me 'cause you love me.

I don't want you to feel like youhaveto be with me.

I don't feel like I have to be with you.Yeah.

If that's what you want instead of...

me and the baby, then so be it.

Just wanna be the best that I can for her.

Is Jen "the one"? I don't really know.

Like, I don't, I don't know where my head's at.

I don't know where my heart's at.

I'm just like... 'Cause I don't know

where the relationship is, that's the problem.

Right there.

We're together, you have my kid,

but I don't know...

are we gonna make it, are we not gonna make it, like...

♪♪

♪♪

[Pauly D] In this house, everybody's in relationships,

and I'm the only single one.

So because they're so far away from their girls,

whatever they do is cheating.

You think about cheating, you're cheating.

You go to Mokai, you're cheating.

You look at the bottle waitress, you cheated, bruh.

When you have a girlfriend, it's hard being a horny guy.

I know girls will never understand it, I don't care.

And it's not the same as being a horny girl.

I don't wanna hear it.

♪ It's been a minute right now ♪

♪♪

♪ It's been a minute right now ♪

♪ I be living right now

♪♪

♪ This is how we living right now ♪

♪ It's been a minute right ♪

♪♪

I'm kinda, like, on thin ice right now,

since making a joke about saving the stripper,

and I feel like anything I do will piss off Elicea.

♪♪

You can't go one inch without cheating.

You have a problem.

Yo, my man cheats on his girlfriend.

This guy. Sorry about that.

[Vinny] Tonight, I'm not nervous about calling Elicea.

I didn't do anything wrong or anything that flirts

with the idea of being wrong.

[Pauly D] I wanna be there for this phone call.

Make sure you do it properly. You-- Should we rehearse it?

Did you have a list, though, of all the things I cheated on?

I took pictures. [laughing]

Hey, Sam.

[Vinny] So, you know, tonight,

it should be a pretty easy phone call.

Hey, check this out. I have evidence...

I miss you.

[laughing] Yo, s-st-- Will you stop?

Wait, I'll stop. Hold up.

Ohh...

[Vinny] There's a running joke of, like,

if you, like, breathe, you cheated.

Or if you blink, you cheat.

[Pauly D] Basically, it's a [bleep] problem

to be in Miami when you're in a relationship.

I'm seeing Ronnie...

So, like, what do you think happened?

So this way, I can tell you what really happened.

I'm seeing Vinny's...

Did I do anything wrong?

[Pauly D] Every single time they call their girlfriend,

there has to be an explanation.

t*tties in the face.

This is what happens when you're in a relationship.

The explanation face. "Hey, babe.

"Sorry, hate to bother you. I know you're busy,

but I was looking at this girl's a*s,

and I was in the club, and... yeah."

Yo, you seen my new charm?

[chuckling]

Now they're even, like, making, like, jokes about me.

Like, I'm snitching on myself and [bleep].

You see this chain? And I'm just like,

whenever there's something that I get the sense

you'll be upset about, I just call you and tell you, you know?

And that's what's caused all this [bleep].

[Elicea] No, Vinny, what caused it is what you do.

It has nothing to do with you [bleep] being honest

and telling me. You understand that, right?

Holding a stripper.

You don't see that as a problem?

[Vinny]No. Make myself a new chain.

It's called "The Explanation Chain."

My guy needs an explanation 'cause he's in a relationship.

I'm gonna wear this [bleep] to the club,

you know what I'm saying?

It's The Explanation Chain.

I'm still struggling with the whole

how do I be myself when I'm out and have fun...

What's up, kid? How you livin', son?

...but still, you know, not break any rules....

Yo, don't be a hater, bro. I got that new gold.

...that I'm not supposed to, that I don't know exist.

[laughing] Yo!

And I don't wanna find out if they exist.

[Elicea] I just want you to see my perspective.

Sick. That's sick. You got the new [bleep].

[Elicea] It's [bleep] annoying, like...

He's on the phone, giving the explanation.

Wearing the explanation piece. Wearing the explanation piece.

[receiver clicks off] Hello?

[chuckling]

[Mike and Pauly laughing]

Why would I be with somebody when I have so much temptation?

[Jenni] He just can't handle it right now.

Sometimes, tough love is needed, and you need to yell at him.

I could be a big h*, too, mother[bleep].

[Nicole] Ohh!

But I choose not to be 'cause

I found someone I love.

Own your [bleep], bro.

♪♪

♪♪

[Ronnie] [yawns] ...[bleep].

[Ronnie] Waking up and knowing that Jen's leaving,

it's bittersweet.

My roommates were great while Jen was here, you know?

They did the right thing.

They didn't rat on me, and I'm very grateful,

and, like, I know how hard it was for them to be respectful

and not be catty.

And that was good to see, and I appreciate it.

[Nicole] Bye, girl. Bye.

It was nice to meet you. You're amazing.

You're leaving? Yeah, she's leaving.

You need to come to the baby shower.

Yeah, I'm comin'.

All right, I'll see you laters.

Bye. [Pauly D] Bye-bye.

[Jen] I feel like I should say bye to Sam.

[giggling]

So Jen's leaving this morning,

and... Godspeed.

Ron and Jen are great together.

But I don't know if they're meant for each other.

I just want him to be honest, upfront,

and respectful towards her.

♪♪

Okay.

♪ Each sip less nervous, she don't deserve this ♪

Love you. I love you. So much.

♪ Pray it's worth it

I know I can do the right thing for Jen.

Look, I don't wanna be with somebody... for the night.

Like, I wanna be with somebody,

I wanna share memories with somebody,

I wanna, like, grow and have a future with someone.

♪ Pardon my vices

♪ Just livin' my life, I do whatever I like ♪

♪ Pardon my vices

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Pardon my vices

♪ If I die tonight, it's been a hell of a life ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪♪

How was last night?

It was good. We went to dinner.

Had some talk about our future. [gasps]

Talking about, like, the nine girls

that I brought back to the house

and got 'em in the Jacuzzi and...

What about French fry?

French fry, I'm gonna tell her...

probably after-- I don't want to ruin the trip.

This [bleep]-- But may I ask something real?

What? Do you think you're making her

look like a fool by not telling her sooner?

Nah, let her flip out at home.

I figure I don't need that [bleep], you know?

Yeah.

[Jenni] I'm a little disappointed in Ron for not telling Jen.

Like, just come clean.

I feel like he's trying to just brush [bleep] under the rug.

But, like, cut the [bleep]

and be a man and tell her what you did.

♪♪

[Ronnie] Do not feed the guidos.

[Nicole laughing]

How was Mokai, Vin? The same?

Same. Same.

Cheated, like, eight times.

[snickering]

I could be just sitting here like this.

Could be a booty next to me.

I'm not even doing anything, but cheated.

Those are the problems I get into.

[Paula] Hello?

Ma, have you spoken to Elicea?

No, have you?

[Vinny] Yeah, I have.

We've had a couple of... little things.

Because I cross lines

that I don't know exist until it happens, you know?

Well, tell her as least as possible.

You know, out of sight, out of mind.

[chuckling] Yeah. Know what my mom just said?

She goes, "Tell her as least as possible."

[laughing]

I love Paula so much.

You have nothing to hide, Vin. You're single, you're--

I'm not single. How am I single?

I have a girlfriend. Elicea, remember her?

[laughing] Yeah, yeah,

but you don't have a ring on your finger.

No, there's no ring, but I'm not single.

[laughing] I [bleep] love your mother!

You and Ronnie should hang out.

[laughing]

You are single. Ma...

Ma, I have a girlfriend.

Like, I'm doing the right thing.

Ma, stop saying I'm single.

[laughing] Yeah, yeah,

but I'm not saying to do anything wrong,

I'm just saying you're not doing

anything intentional to hurt anybody.

No.

If my mom says it's cool, then I know

that I didn't do anything too bad.

All right, Ma, I gotta go.

All right, love you, Vin. Bye.

♪♪

[Jenni] Ron, did you take the garbage out-out?

[Ronnie] I did. I took it. Thank you.

Of course I did. Who else is gonna take the garbage out-out?

Did Jen have a good time here?

[Ronnie] Yeah, but it's hard,

like, being with someone for seven months straight,

every [bleep] day, and, like, like, living that routine.Yeah!

And then being pulled to here.

But, like, actually her being here

made me realize I love her, 'cause she's so much fun.

If you love her, then why wouldn't you just be with her?

Why would I be with somebody

when I have so much temptation?

I don't know how Ron thinks.

So I don't know if he's, like, self-sabotaging

this relationship because he's not ready

or he's insecure or something,

but it drives me bat-[bleep],

because I have to live with it, I have to hear it,

and I have to see it, and it drives me--

it just drives me nuts.

I stayed with Roger during a couple of houses,

and I didn't have kids.

Roger's not me.

I'm you!

I could be a big h*, too, mother[bleep].

[Nicole] Ohh!

[bleep]! But I choose not to be

'cause I found someone I love.

[Jenni] I just can't handle it right now.

Sometimes tough love is needed, and you need to yell at 'em.

So I'm gonna do that.

Like, come on. Own your [bleep], bro.

♪♪

♪♪

[Jenni] You can be Ron,

the good guy with the really good girl,

and you can put her on a pedestal

in this house and outside this house.

[sighs]

Pauly, if you found a really good girl,

you would walk in with her or without her?

If I found the really good girl

that I wanna stay with, I'd walk in with her, yeah. But if. If.

So he-- but basically what I'm getting from you

is she's not the one, but she's the one right now

'cause she has your kid. Jenni, I don't know what "the one" is.

I'm having-- That's what I'm getting out of this.

I'm having a kid with somebody that I barely know, okay?

So I can't say who "the one" is.

She's just trying to get to the root of why you would not be with her.

Yeah, but-- and also why you talk [bleep] about her, like...

I don't talk [bleep].

"I'd rather pay child support than alimony."

[Deena] Everything? Tell her about the bathroom?

[Jenni]No. No?

I'm afraid of her being embarrassed

because of bull[bleep].

She's already gonna be embarrassed!

She's gonna be more embarrassed at the fact

that you're doing the same thing that you did last Miami.

No. Not telling someone and dragging it out.

Put that [bleep] to bed!

This is Ron... Miami last time.

But the only difference is

the girl's not living with us, and she's pregnant.

So, like, eight, nine years later,

he wants his cake and eat it, too.

Nobody knows that, Ron. I'm trying to save you.

I'm trying to be a good friend right now to you.

I understand. You don't get it.

I've done with the [bleep], like, I, like,

I am so [bleep] done with it. Like, I'm done.

So then be a good guy here. But the--

I made one [bleep] mistake, so my whole life here

has to revolve around one mistake?

I did it. You know, I [bleep] up.

It's my mistake.

But it's like, let me deal with it on my own.

[bleep] isn't what this is about. Okay.

It's about [bleep] family.

Be the person that loves Jen,

can't wait for your baby girl.

[bleep bleep] these [bleep], say,

"[bleep] you, I got a great woman at home."

I tell them, I'm like--

No, you [bleep] don't, 'cause I'm there!

Sometimes you eat French fries! It's fast food!

You cheat on a diet.

Basically, Jenni is saying

what everybody's thinking to Ron.

In other words, "Smarten up, do the right thing here.

You gotta be full transparencies with your baby mama."

I have a daughter. She's three years old.

I will make sure every [bleep] guy in her life

puts her so [bleep] above that no man is worth her time.

And that's gonna be you in three months,

when your [bleep] daughter is here.

And you will not want what you are in her life.

What I used to be. I'm not that person.

So become the man

that your daughter aspires to have.

Jen has no idea what you really did.

And just 'cause you're trying

to hit "delete" with the roommates

and act like we don't know what you did,

it happened. Tell her!

[Ronnie] I'm, like, I am not--

So then act like it here!

I am! That's it! Just act like it here.

For that baby to be, like, a month or two old

when she might find out...

are you out of your [bleep] mind?

Then that [bleep] ain't pregnant.

Then she gonna cut you. She gonna burn your house down.

She gonna blow up your car.

And you're gonna be buried somewhere on my property,

and no one's gonna find you.

So you want me to [bleep] tell her,

so we can cause a [bleep] fight and get--

No! I just want you to be a good man!

Is that what you want? Like-- Stop saying "alimony."

Stop saying "child support." Say, "I love this [bleep].

She's my girl." Like, yes, I love her, but--

You don't show that here!

♪♪

[Mike] Dude, you're actually getting

these girls' numbers? That's a no-no.

You, are you taken?

Pauly D deserves a good woman.

Do you want Pauly's D? Get your Pauly's D here!

[Pauly D] Yo!

[all shouting]

[laughing] Somebody help!

[Jenni laughing] Hyuh!