01x12 - JWoww vs. the Proposal

[bunniefuu]

We ain't goin' anywhere. Mike's still shaving and [bleep].

[Pauly laughing] Is he really shaving?

I do not like t*rd.

Mike, we are leaving right now!

You have no consideration for your roommates, dude.

[duck phone quacking]

Okay, Vin, pick up the phone.

You don't pick up. Now I'm getting worried.

Pack up the suitcase, and we'll surprise him.

It's not a bad idea.

Miami! Here we come, Miami!

No way!

What the [bleep] are you doin' here?

Right now, I'm in shock.

I've been calling you for a month.

God bless Miami!

♪♪

Yeah, buddy!

Party's here!

The Situation is under construction.

This might not have been the best idea.

We're so classy now.

On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

Get the frick outta here, you crazy!

♪♪

♪♪

I'm ready for the backyard.

How we doin', Paula? Cookin'?

Yeah, I'm cookin'.

I slept about an hour. No, an hour and a half.

You slept like four hours. Surprise, surprise.

Today, I'm gonna treat myself.

Pasta, garlic, [bleep] cheese,

bread, wine.

A lot of wine.

Here we are. I don't know where you are,

but we hope to see you soon.

You always talk over me.

Let me talk, and then you talk.

[Nino] When's my nephew gonna be here?

I don't know, I hope...

Once he smells the collards, he's gonna know I'm here.

Delicious! My God, this is [bleep] delicious.

Why, you eatin' 'em?

No, just a little bit. Oh, look, [bleep]!

All right, get away. Go where you gotta go.

What the [bleep] is going on? Pool time! Pool time! Pool time!

Should be ashamed of yourself at your age, wearing that thing.

They're [bleep] years old and they wear this, I'm only !

We're not in Italy. We're not in Europe.

Oh, I'm from Sicily. I don't give a [bleep].

They do that in Europe, not in America.

We've been together for a few hours now, Vin.

So, um, you know, you know what that's like, right, honey?

She's thick as a brick.

Yeah. And I think he's going deaf because

every time I talk to him, he doesn't hear me.

How's my girl? How's my girl doing?

Let me see. You have teeth? No [bleep] teeth.

God bless America! We're... we're in business.

[Jenni] Whoa. I think the house was cleaned.

Yeah, it looks like it. [Nicole] Oh, it smells clean.

[gasps] No way!

Oh, wow!

Oh, my God. What are you doing here?

[Vinny] What the hell is my mom doing

in the middle of the kitchen right now in Miami?

I've been calling you for a month.

You don't pick up the phone.

I said, what's the next best thing, right?

Right now, I'm in shock, seeing my mom,

but once the shock wears off, this is the best surprise ever.

[Paula] Are you happy to see me?

I'm happy to see you, but I don't know how happy I am

for you to be in this crazy house.

Why? Because they're crazy in here.

Hey-oh, hey-oh!

Blast that music! God bless that [bleep]!

Uncle Nino's in the back!

[Vinny] Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

Why did you bring him?

I know everyone loves Uncle Nino and I know he's fun,

but he's the most annoying mother[bleep] that exists.

Hey, what are you doing in my house?

[Jenni] Uncle Nino!

[impersonating Nino] What the [bleep] are you doing?

Don't bother-- Don't bother-- Don't bother my girl.

He's loud, he's obnoxious.

You can't understand what he's saying.

I see your ba*ls. Oh!

[Vinny] His body is offensive, his tan is offensive.

You can't take him in public.

Oh, [speaks Italian]. You look like Jesus.

Yeah. What's up? You look tan.

You look good. You got burnt out there?

Oh, my God. What the [bleep]?

What the [bleep]? Hi.

I never thought I'd see the day

where we're in the confessional together.

Together. Jesus, forgive my sins.

I-- Yes, you're forgiven.

And for my craziness and-- and for my day I--

All right, I gotta go. I'm hungry.

We gotta go eat. God bless America.

[Vinny] Is this from, uh... [Paula]Yeah.

My favorite olives. His favorite olives.

The Kasseri. Wow.

He's more excited over the food than me.

Seeing my mom in the kitchen with all the food

that she's making, I'm happy for myself that my mom is here,

but I'm actually more happy for Mike.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, Michael.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! What, Michael's on a diet?

Yeah, on a "see food" diet. He see food, he eats it.

Oh, my God, this is so awesome.

We have mozzarella, cheeses, prosciutto, soppressata,

peppers, garlic bread,

and that's just the first course.

Oh, my God.

Look at Mike, going in.

I'm going in right now. Mike!

Calm down.

Mom, look, look. What'd I tell you?

Look at Mike. Oh, good for you.

God bless you. We got plenty.

[exhales] Us Italians, we know how to feast.

This is the best surprise that we could come home to.

Oh, my God. [Paula] Yeah? Good.

It is. I brought everything from Staten Island.

I figured. Oh, my God, everything's so delicious.

Forget the yachts.

Forget the trips to the Bahamas.

I want the second course, which is fettuccine, okay?

Yes! So if you want to add cheese,

you add cheese, all right? Yes.

Oh, man. More sauce.

♪♪

Oh, [bleep].

[Vinny] Mike is cutting his with a knife and fork.

[Mike] Oh, my God. [Nicole] 'Cause he's seven.

[laughing]

And now the third course, and not the last,

freshly fried chicken cutlets.

[Jenni] Oh, my God, another round?

[Ronnie] Yep.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

[Mike] With mashed potatoes, tomato salad,

and don't want to forget the lemon and onion salad.

The only word that describes this is "wow."

Oh, and don't want to forget the Funfetti cake,

which is my favorite.

I love Funfetti cakes.

It's my favorites. As you can tell.

So this was the best surprise ever,

and I always eat this food by myself when she cooks it for me.

So, it's so much better now that I get to share it with you guys,

and I'm happy that she's here, but I'm also more happy

that you guys are happy that she's here...

[Ronnie]Yep. ...and have a little taste of home.

Cheers.Yes.

[all cheering] Thank you.

Sunday dinner!

Thank you. Thank you for cooking, Mom. Thank you.

Thank you. Mike, salud!

Thank you so much.

[Pauly] Thank you.

I'm so sad that I dirtied my [bleep] robe.

I got sauce on my pocket, wine on my other side.

Is that gonna be you?Me?

[Vinny] Yeah, literally, he's turning into him.

[Jenni]I know.

[laughs] Possibly.

When I see Uncle Nino, it's like looking

at Ronnie after years.

Ron, after six tequila shots, he turns into Uncle Nino.

[Nicole] He does. That's so true. He mutates into him.

The way he speaks and everything.

Yeah. The way he "whoa-oh-oh-oh."

Like, look, this is an impression of Uncle Nino.

"Hey, oh, what the [bleep]? What are you doing?

Eh-urh-ugh. You know, oh-oh-uh."

And this is an impression of Ronnie.

"Eh, uh-oh-no. What's uh-pah-eh? Eh-uh-uh-uh-uh!"

Same thing.

That's my boy Ronnie. Yeah, Uncle Nino.

Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie.

Did your girlfriend come down?

Um, she's supposed to come down this week

and I'm supposed to propose to her.

Wow!

I want to make it a memorable moment.

You guys are here with me. I couldn't ask for more.

I love you guys, and I'd like to have little Situations ASAP.

Ah, we're... Hey, like, quick.

[Paula] Yeah. You too, you.

Yeah. She was here, yours, right?

My girlfriend came. Yeah, she came to visit me.

You propose, too? He's having a baby.

She's about to pop.

So you jumped the g*n.

Yeah. I went a*s backwards, as always.

[Nino] God bless America.

[Ronnie] I'm very happy for Mike,

you know, and this is his moment.

It did make me think, like, you know, maybe one day,

I would like to have this, but it's easier said than done.

Knockout Ronnie. Knockout Ronnie.

Now you're knocking up girls.

What the [bleep] is wrong with you?

What the [bleep]? You're knocking up girls.

Watch yourself. What the [bleep]?

♪♪

Yeah, I'll finish the [bleep] bottle.

I'll finish it.

[bleep], I'm all wrapped up with this [bleep] thing.

What the [bleep]?

Too many [bleep] things to hold-- cigarette, cigar.

Stop looking at my legs, okay? Hey!

Oh, Pauly, stop looking at my...

Oh, my God. [Ronnie laughing]

[Vinny] Uncle Nino, you ever watch

the old roasts, like Dean Martin?

Dean Martin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

We wanna do a roast of you.Of me?

Yeah. Where are we doing it? I'm ready.

Right here. [laughing]

You remind me of Rodney Dangerfield,

but not because, like, you're funny and all that stuff.

Because you look like you've been dead for years.

I just forgot to lay down. I forgot to lay down.

You can't roast him. [all laughing]

He's so bad. It's so harsh.

It's hard to roast somebody that has no shame.

You can't roast this guy. He's unroastable.

I would roast you, but you already look like

you've been on fire for like days.

This puts it out. This puts the fire out.

[whispering] You stutter so much, we'll call you "Mumbles" now.

What was that, "Sanitation"? What was that?

[all laughing]

My Uncle Nino just, like, calls people

random things all the time.

Like, I think he just, like, doesn't speak English.

I don't know. He doesn't speak Italian, either.

I don't know what he speaks.

[laughing] I call that "Sanitation."

Mother[bleep].

[Vinny] The first time he came to Miami,

he was calling Mike "Mike the Sanitation,"

instead of "The Situation."

Oh, Mike the Sanitation.

"Hey, Sanitation, Sanitation."

Let's make a toast to my new family.

Knockout Ronnie, Pauly Spike, Mike Sanitation...

[all laughing]

But now he's "Mike the Litigation."

How 'bout you, you fatboy?

[all laughing]

Why does he call you fat?

Look at him. Fat muscles.

[all laughing]

[Vinny] Fat muscles. Oh!

I can probably take my apron off.

Yeah, relax.

[laughs] You tired, girls?

A little bit.

[Jenni] That meal, everything that you did...

[Nicole] Mm-hmm. I feel like

I was back home. Yeah.

It was so yummy. It was so good.

Yo, I didn't realize that we have coconuts on our trees.

Oh, look...

[Pauly] Yeah, what does that mean? They're ripe, they're ripe.

They're ripe? Give me a rope.

I'll climb the [bleep] tree right now.

[laughing] [Pauly] A rope?

I need to get me some of them coconuts.

My old lady's coming soon.

You'll get [bleep] like rock whiteout.

[laughs]

I'm gonna give Uncle Nino a coconut.

[laughs]

That's kind of brown, though. This is brown?

Go. Cut the top and drink that [bleep] thing.

I'll get a butcher knife.

Yo, get the-- get the knife sharpener, too.

[Ronnie] 'Cause he wants to get some foods.

Yeah. That's why he volunteered to go in.

You deserve to be pampered the way you pamper us.

I used to always make fun of Vinny for like being homesick

and wanting to be with his mom and not moving out.

I want my son to be like that.

[Jenni] And now I have kids and I'm like, you are not leaving.

You are not allowed to date.

You are not allowed to move away for college.

When you think of moms, I don't think of me and Nicole.

I think of, like, Paula. She's like the cleaning fairy.

She's the ultimate chef. She is, like,

mom goals for me and Nicole.

I am gonna be Paula when I grow up with my kids.

You're the best. I look up to you, being a mom.

What are you doing?

Trying to open up a coconut.

[Jenni] Oh, my God. I'd be careful.

Why with a knife, Mike?

I don't know how else we'd open it.

What do you mean? You bang it on the floor.

Take a pot. A pot?

A heavy pot. [Jenni] You're gonna end up

cutting your finger off before you propose.

He's a mess.

He's gonna k*ll himself.

We gotta go see what they're doing.

He's gonna cut his arm off. Gonna go somewhere.

What are you gonna try to do? Squish it like a bug?

No. Paula said to [bleep] bang it, and it should crack open.

[Nino] No. Never.

Michael, you gotta cut through the skin.

After that, there's a [bleep] shell.

A sledgehammer.

Bash it really hard.

Hard as a [bleep].

Hard, hard, hard, hard, hard.

Oh, almost. Yeah. Wow!

[Ronnie laughing]

[Nino] Keep going, Michael. Keep going.

Oh, there. Almost.

Oh, I bent the pan.

[all laughing] [Nicole] Come on, Mike!

[Nino] You go ahead, you go ahead.

You aren't thinking. You aren't concentrating.

If we're ever stranded on an island, we are [bleep].

Ronnie, you try. Let Ronnie do it. Let Ronnie do it.

Ron. There you go, chubby.

He calls him "chubby."

Chunky, chunky. Chunky, chunky mother[bleep].

Go easy on the guy.

Like you mean it. Hit it like you mean it.

Like a mother[bleep].

[Nicole] Oh, God.

It's broken. [tense music]

[tense music]

One, two... Oh!

That was like a wimpy mother[bleep].

Mike, get back there. He sucks.

Now I see why coconut water is so damn expensive.

[Nino] Hit the mother[bleep]. You got it, keep going.

You got it. I see it. You got it.

Watch yourself, honey.

Yeah, there you go.

Put the tip in.

[laughter]

How many guidos does it take to open up a coconut? Hmm.

Hey, we have juice. Thank my son.

[all exclaiming]

A lot.

[Ronnie] Did your mom proud.

Vinny would save us all. Yeah.

They should sell... Do they sell a coconut opener?

♪ Paradise, you will come ♪

♪ On our way at last...

[Vinny] Thank you, guys, for cooking for my mom.

[Jenni] Of course. [Nicole] Duh.

We want to present Paula and Uncle Nino

with the best breakfast spread ever.

Bacon, sausage, eggs, bagels, muffins.

We all want Paula to feel appreciated.

Thank you so much for cleaning.

Thank you for cleaning the whole house.

[Jenni] What a wonderful thing to come home to.

That was like the best. You are the best.

Four hours, four hours.

Uncle Nino, so since you have four kids

and you've been through marriages,

do you have any advice for me?

I wouldn't say get parenting advice from Uncle Nino.

He just met his son, like, yesterday.

[all laughing]

Ah, the modern family.

Ronnie, that's your future.

If you keep spiraling,

you're gonna be this guy, Uncle Nino.

Come here, Ronnie. What?

Yeah. Why don't you tell me about your girlfriend?

We're getting closer to the end of this

and I'm going home to a lot of stuff.

I'm going home to a lot of pressure.

I have my baby's mother at home, you know,

and the longer I stay here, it's not like

she's getting less pregnant, she's getting more pregnant.

I moved to Vegas for her.

Yeah, I, I... Oh, from L.A., you went to Vegas.

Yeah. And then, literally, about a week or two

after being there, she's like, "I'm pregnant,"

and I was like, "Oh!"Oh!

Yeah. Once you have the baby,

it's the most beautiful thing, you know what I mean?

My main focus is, right now, is being a good father.

Some people think, oh, you have to get married.

I really don't believe in getting married.

Eventually, maybe, whatever, but, you know, I tell my kids,

you know, you take your time and-- Because people change.

Like, who I was ten years ago, that's not who I am today.

Yeah, same. You know what I mean? People change.

It's just nature, you know what I mean?

Nothing wrong with the person, you know?

But you just gotta take your time.

'Cause nobody's going anywhere.

She's having your baby. It's true.

You know? And you'll always have that bond.

The real test will come after the baby's out.Yes.

Everything that I've been thinking about

and anticipating is, like, gonna happen now, you know?

Like, it's, like, it's real.

This is, like, real life.

Like, this [bleep] is happening.

Uh, your car is here.

Thanks for interrupting my mom...

Yeah, Vin! ...and son conversation, bro.

I know. I know you get jealous.

I am really jealous. Stop. Enough, all right?

[Ronnie laughs]

But thank you, Paula, I appreciate it.

Oh, of course. I love you.

I love you too.

[Ronnie] I'm just nervous about moving forward

and being a father and, like, all the stuff

that is happening when I leave here.

And I still have to go home to tons and tons and tons

of responsibilities, and that's the next chapter

to my life, you know? And it's a scary thing.

I'll see you real soon.

Thank you so much for everything.

Thank you for your breakfast again. Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Love you. Love you more.

Good luck. You're the best. Thank you.

[whispering] If you need anything,

I got a lot of guys on the inside, so...

All right. Thank you.

[Nino] Goodbye, family! Bye.

Bye-bye. Love youse all. [Deena] Bye!

I love my mom, I love my family,

and I'm away from home for a little while.

It means a lot that they made the trip

all the way from New York to come here just to make me happy.

Bye. Have fun, okay?

Thanks for coming.

[Vinny] Plus, Uncle Nino, surprisingly,

wasn't, like, too bad. [laughs]

♪ I can go low or I can go high ♪

♪ The sweeter side

♪ Make you the apple of my eye ♪♪

Truthfully, I just don't trust her.

You're nervous she's going to cheat on you.

Cheat, yeah.

'Cause she did before? Yeah.

What?

♪♪

[cork popping]

Cheers, Ron.

♪♪

Are you okay?

Like, it's the whole life hitting me, finally.

Oh, you're gonna be a dad.

I'm just more worried about me and Jen, to be honest with you,

'cause I don't know where we stand.

Like, I mean, we're together, but, like...

I mean, I want to be with her. I love her.

I just don't know, like, where her heart is.

Did you talk to her at all?

I mean, obviously, she's gonna say, "I love you

and I want to be with you," but it's like, truthfully,

I just don't trust her, so I'm more worried about,

like, what happens after the baby. Why don't you trust her?

Like, you're nervous she's going to cheat on you.

Cheat, yeah.

She did before? Yeah.

What?

You didn't say any of this.

I think I just-- I came into the house, trying to be this--

Block it? Yeah. Try to be... Put up this front.

But I see, like, sadness in your eyes,

and that breaks my heart. Ugh!

I don't like bringing outside [bleep] into the house.

So I try to work through it myself, which you can't do,

because everyone needs help.

I was with someone that cheated on me all the time.

The feeling is horrible, and when you want

to be with that person and they keep disrespecting you,

it's one of the worst things in the world.

Especially when they're holding your child.

I didn't know that you were feeling that.

Makes total sense as to why Ronnie's been acting

the way he has, because of what Jen did to him.

We're good right now, you know?

But it's like, I don't know if it's because she's pregnant...

You're afraid that after she's no longer pregnant...

Yeah. Then she's gonna go back to her old ways.

[Ronnie] I feel terrible how hard I've been on Ronnie this whole time,

and it's, like, sad to know it now.

Like, I feel like it's so late.

I wish I could have gave him a hug back then, you know.

I think you need to, like, live in the moment right now

until it happens, because you're gonna

drive yourself [bleep] nuts. Don't. Yeah.

I've been driving myself crazy. [Deena] I could tell.

[Ronnie] I've been driving myself nuts.

You've got to truly love your life to be happy

and in a good place right now for your daughter.

And you cannot worry about what she will or will not do to you.

No, I know. I mean, listen. Nobody's perfect.

I did my dirt too, so I can't just say, like,

It was her, 'cause... [Jenni]I know.

But everything that I did was a reaction to her action.

Okay, she did what she did, right?

You chose to stay with her. You could have left her--

You're right. But you chose to stay with her.

Exactly. And that's... So you can't keep

also doing that to her, either.

I'm also not used to being with someone like myself.

Like, I found-- I met my match.

I met someone that's... A little taste of your own medicine.

Yeah, it's literally like...Mm-hmm.

[Nicole] No matter what, we'll always have your back.

Yeah, I know.

I'm, like, really concerned for Ron.

He's, like, self-sabotage mode.

He gets inside his own head and then just crashes and burns.

I hope he doesn't go into any, like, deeper, darker place.

You think too much about [bleep],

and then you work yourself up.

No, it's true. [Nicole] You do.

Just let it happen. I know.

♪♪

[all shouting]

[Mike] I am proposing tomorrow,

but I don't know what I'm gonna do yet.

[Jenni] He needs, like, a hand

to help guide him through life.

Don't entertain this one right here.

[Jenni] Do not come for me, bro, right now,

because I'm the one planning your proposal.

Spitting fire.

♪♪

Somebody's wife is coming today. Somebody's wife is coming today.

It's already :. Where's Mike?

[Mike] Lauren is on the way to Miami,

and I am proposing tomorrow,

but I don't know what I'm gonna do yet.

I can't talk to him about the whole proposal thing.

It stresses me out.

He has no plan. No plan whatsoever.

Lauren is the one that plans his life, so there's no plan.

[Nicole] Dude, we've got to-- We've got to figure out

your [bleep], we're talking about your proposal.

Okay.

[Deena] "Okay."

Yeah, you need to make the plan.

What's the plan?

[Deena] It's the day before, and he's like,

"Yeah, I don't know. What am I doing?"

All right. Do you guys have any good ideas?

We're not supposed to tell you what you're doing!

You need to know what you're doing.

But let's be real. Mike?

Not all there upstairs. Couple screws loose.

We should have talked about this, like, two weeks ago.

[Pauly chuckling] It's, like,

the biggest moment of your life.

I think, um...

[Nicole] Can you get your [bleep] together?

I feel like he's a child.

He's legit like an infant.

He doesn't know what to do.

What if we hold it? [Pauly] I like that.

We set up the proposal here.

Like, out on the-- By the bay.

It's pretty out there. We have the best view in Miami.

It's a beautiful house, I know.

Flowers and, like, centerpieces.

It'll be a grand proposal, you know what I'm saying?

All us together, working this. I'll DJ the whole thing.

All right. All right, so...

So we'll do the back. So we'll do the backyard.

[Nicole] The roomies are taking charge of the proposal

because Mike can't pull this off by himself.

Oh, I got goosebumps. [Nicole]Same.

Wait. If you cry, I'm going to cry.

I'm gonna try not to cry. I always cry at proposals.

Oh, man, you guys are getting me nervous now.

It's happening.

[Nicole] We're excited. We're gonna help you.

[knocking on door] Ooh, who's here?

Delivery for Mike Sorrentino.

Yes. Okay.

Oh, word up. You know what that is, right?

It's the ring? It's the ring!

The ring's here? Yep, looks like. Express.

Ooh, let's see.

Oh, [bleep].

[Mike] Oh, my God,

there's a delivery from Layna Friedman.

It is finally the ring.

I get to see what it looks like.

Oh, I'm so excited to see her work.

Say thank you, Jenni. You should always hold a knife away from you.

Oh. Like this?

Yeah. Say, "Thank you, Jenni."

I helped Mike get the jeweler, helped design his ring,

and I cannot wait to see Mike's jaw drop to the floor.

[Nicole] I feel like it's Christmas.

[Vinny] Are those pastries?

[Nicole] Why are you shaking?

Bro... Wait. Let him do it.

[all] Oh!

[Deena] Oh, it's so beautiful.

[Jenni] I can't see!

I can't see!

I can't see! [overlapping chatter]

[all clamoring]

[Deena] Gorgeous!

Oh, my God, it is [bleep] beautiful.

That is gorgeous. Wow!

I love a ring this time of year!

My jeweler Layna k*lled it with this ring.

It is very pretty.

You're welcome.

♪♪

Whoo!

Yo, I'll be honest, I'm really happy with the ring.

I think it's so pretty. Yeah, man, the ring's beautiful.

♪♪

A huge white runner that runs through the house,

down to the pool.

Lots of candles and rose petals.

For the trail. Yeah, like, tons.

We're heading for lunch and we're gonna talk about,

like, how to divide and conquer this proposal,

'cause Mike needs help and Jesus.

We have to start putting it together.

[Nicole] Mike, what are you thinking?

[Mike] I'm a little overwhelmed.

You're gonna write, because this is your day.

No. What do you mean, no?

I need help. Bro, this is your day.

We're helping you. Write it out.

[Pauly] Ever since the Bahamas,

there's some weird tension between Jenni and Mike.

You have no consideration for your roommates, dude. None.

It's been [bleep] minutes. You have no consideration.

And I don't really exactly know what that is,

but I do know that you don't want to be on Jenni's bad side.

So, first we've got to figure out who's doing what.

So the girls will handle, like, the girl stuff.

The flowers, the candles,

white runners, bistro lighting.

We've got to get centerpieces.

Hey, we want to plan, too, you know?

[Nicole] Wait, do another page for the boys.

We're gonna get the tables and the bistro lighting.

No, that's what we're doing. You ain't [bleep] it up.

You're picking it up. We're gonna call in the order.

[Mike] Jenni seems to be getting a little hostile

towards my proposal.

I'm, like, baffled. Like... Like, why?

And you want to do dinner? Yeah.

You're gonna call ahead

to make your table very romantic.

Yes.

Right?

Okay.

Right? Yes?

Okay, yes, yes.

We will never allow Lauren to have a regular proposal

because she's been through so much with Mike

and deserves something like this.

I'm gonna call when I get home. Well, maybe you could help me.

No, I ain't helping you. I'm helping you enough.

[Jenni] I don't think Mike understands where I'm coming from.

I want to make this, like, perfect.

How is the day gonna be set up?

A schedule. Scheduling.

Mike, how would you like that to work? Yeah.

Well, obviously, I think that the girls are gonna have to

take out Lauren and distract her.

We're gonna do lunch and a spa.

Yes, lunch and a spa.

So, you're doing all the errands while we have her out,

and then we all meet back at the house

while you take her out to dinner

and then we set up. Yep.

And eat something light at dinner so you're not gassy.

Yeah. Yeah, you need anti-gas.

No guacamole.

Since we've come up with a plan on how he's gonna propose,

we're going to take Lauren out to a sweet dinner

at Sugar Factory, and then tomorrow,

it is "Operation: Proposal."

I'm too old for this [bleep].

I love engagements this time of year.

Should we try and time it for sunset?

I mean, yeah, why not?

Why am I sensing some shade from Jenni?

[Vinny laughing] [Mike] She made it sound like

if it wasn't for her, nothing would be happening.

[Nicole] Got a lot of work ahead of us.

Yep. He's literally not doing anything.

He literally wouldn't even write it [bleep] down.

[Deena] He doesn't think things through.

"Well, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be doing anything."

[Pauly] This is your moment.

Don't let anyone ruin your moment.

The girls are crazy with their marriages.

"It's my day."

Eh, what are you gonna do, you know?

♪ Let's get this mother jiggy jumpin' ♪

♪ Right now, right now, right now, right now... ♪

[Pauly] They grow up so fast.

I remember in Seaside, you had, like, two sets of chicks

all lined up on the same night. Yep.

You had to put one on one side of the house

and one on the other side of the house. That was in Miami.

That was Miami, too?Yeah.

Oh... Yep.

Wait one second.

In this type of situation, man, you need to separate

the two sets of girls, and keep the other girls

on the other side of the house, and they won't know a thing.

We had to diffuse the grenades.

My, how the times have changed. Mm-hmm.

The tales of The Situation are legendary, okay?

Me hanging up my player jersey

and going into the hall of fame,

was only a matter of time.

You look nervous. No, I'm still a little [bleep] heated

from the shade I caught from JWowws.

Now she's getting a pie at the face.

No, you're not. She's getting a pie

in the face, I'm telling you.

You would never do that to Jenni.

I want to.

[Mike] Now that Jenni is giving me

a little bit of that stink-face,

I have a little prank brewing.

We're doing the, uh, the plan right now.

[Ronnie] I feel like the old Sitch is coming out.

I feel like he's trying to get revenge

about how he doesn't like how Jenni's, you know,

throwing shade and trying to basically say

that if it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be able

to do the proposal,

But if Mike tries to prank Jenni,

it's 'cause he wants to die before he does jail time.

This kid's about to get married

and all he can think about is putting a pie in Jenni's face.

[Mike] I will have my revenge.

He's gonna try to put a pie in your face

'cause you were, like, going at him.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

That, to me, is game over.

I'm about to ruin someone's proposal.

Oh, God.

♪♪

[Pauly] Somebody's wifey's is coming to town.

Bro, look how nervous the guy is.

[Ronnie] Totally just, um, like a school kid.

My lady is just about to walk in the door,

but she has no idea about the whole master plan.

This is the last day that she's gonna be my girlfriend,

because tomorrow, she's gonna be my fiancée

and soon to be Mrs. Situation.

[knocking on door]

Hi! Hey! Hey!

Mmm! Oh, my God, you...

I missed you. You look beautiful.

[Lauren] Thank you.

You been hitting the gym?

No, I've just been dieting 'cause you haven't been home.

I love you. I've missed you.

Mike is glowing right now, looking at Lauren.

She looks fantastic.

I can tell she is, like, the light in his life

and, like, the light's just turned on.

You look so hot. I know, honey.

You... What? Oh, my goodness.

Oh!

Mike seems to be super excited

that Lauren is finally here and, like, you know,

I'm glad that he found someone, and I feel like

Lauren's good for him, so I'm happy for him.

I missed you, honey. I missed you, too.

[all clamoring]

I'm a little jealous of Mike's relationship,

to be honest with you.

It's hard to watch him because my situation with Jen

is very conflicted and it's driving me [bleep] crazy.

So it's like, I would love to

have the happiness that Mike has.

Good thing you're here. We don't know what

to do with this kid. [Deena] Yeah.

Yeah. He needs, like, a hand to help guide him through life.

Can you take care of him now?

I don't know how you do what you do,

but you're a godsend.

Honey, don't entertain this one right here.

Me? [all clamoring]

Here we go!

This is a happy time right now. Do not entertain this one.

[Vinny and Ronnie] Whoa!

Already spitting fire.

[Lauren] What's happening here?

Welcome, Lauren! [laughing]

[Jenni] What is going on?

Do not [bleep] come for me, bro,

right now, because I am the one planning your proposal

'cause you have no idea.

You have to show her around the house. [Mike] I know.

[Ronnie] Yo, you gotta give her the tour, bro.

I want to show you the backyard.

So cute. She looks so good.

Yeah, what the [bleep]? I feel like I'm fat now. Let's go eat.

Mike is so happy to be reunited with his girl,

you can see it all in his face.

He's really happy to have her around his family in the house.

This is the pool. That's drop-dead gorgeous.

It's beautiful. This is so pretty.

[Mike] Now that Lauren is here, it is so hard

to keep this proposal to myself.

I tell her everything.

So, The Situation's inability

to keep a secret could be a situation.

I'm so happy you're here. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. [bleep]. Oh, my God.

Stop! I thought that was a person!

Honey, that's a Sammi. That's a Sammi doll. Babe...

I feel so good now that she's here.

Like, I feel like we don't have to take care of him anymore.

I feel like his handler just got here.

[Jenni] We are gonna have to take care of him

the most this time when she's here.

[Pauly] I know, 'cause he's gonna rat himself out.

Right now he's like, "So, babe,

this is where I'm gonna propose to you."

Oh, my God. Stop. Yeah.

What do you think of the backyard?

It's beautiful, right? It's beautiful.

I would stay out here every day.

I would just lay out,

stare at the water and the boats. [Mike] Yeah.

She thinks our backyard is drop-dead gorgeous.

[Nicole] It is, yeah.

[Deena] Honestly, it's my favorite part of the house.

I would never leave. I would lay out every day.

Mike needs to keep his mouth shut

and make this a surprise for Lauren.

I think I'm gonna shower and get ready.

All right.

♪ Skinny mini

♪ She's my skinny mini

♪ A woman is a woman... Yeah!

♪ I'ma holla at her

[imitating Pauly] Cabs are here!

[all cheering]

[Pauly] That was better than me.

♪♪

Lauren, how are you liking your stay so far?

I love it. You guys make it, like, easy and comfortable.

Oh, good. [Vinny]Michael?

[Mike] Oh, I love it. My best friend is here.

This is a very sweet moment for me.

This is my family here, and this moment is all about

positivity and love and just taking

that next chapter in my life.

It shows, though. This guy's really, really happy.

Yeah.

I like Lauren. No, I love Lauren.

But her boyfriend, though, is not the best guy ever.

Ron, all of a sudden was like totally

hitting the hater button on Mike.

[Ronnie] Like, the lights are on,

the [bleep] grass is mowed, but no one's home.

It just doesn't make sense.

Wow. No disrespect to her.

I don't know what's going on,

but maybe Ronnie was a little jealous

of Mike's healthy relationship.

You get nasty sometimes.

I'm still mad at Mike about the French fry joke.

Just pass the French fries. Just pass the French fries.

[all] Oh!

You know what? [bleep]. Just 'cause he said that,

I'ma let him know that he's gonna try to put a pie

in your face the last night,

'cause you were, like, going at him.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Wait, what?

After all I did for him? You got him a ring.

I got him a [bleep] ring and I have literally planned

his whole [bleep] engagement with you girls,

and that's the respect I get.

I'm boiling in the cab right now,

'cause I am going above and beyond for Mike,

and he's being ungrateful towards it.

Nicole, I really need you right now,

because I'm about to [bleep] up the next hours.

[Ronnie] Oh, I love that Jenni is gonna...

What's that mean? Like, you're gonna spiral?

She's gonna [bleep] up his whole proposal.

Oh, [bleep]! Oh, [bleep]!

No. Oh, no. Let's not do that.

That's what I get? For all the things

I did for you, you're throwing a pie in my face.

That, to me, is, like, game-over disrespectful.

Don't say nothin'. This is between us girls.

♪♪

He's so upset about certain things you say,

but he forgets about all the good things you're doing. Thank you.

[Jenni] On the way to Sugar Factory, Ronnie's telling me that Mike

is thinking about throwing a pie in my face

after all the [bleep] I've been doing for him.

That, to me, is like, it's game over.

[Deena] All right, let's go get a wine, b*tches.

[Nicole] I want all the dessert, like, now.

Everything is over the top at the Sugar Factory.

Oh!

[Mike] The drinks are bubbling. The desserts look awesome.

Wow! Look at that!

It is perfect. How was your ride, Lauren?

[Lauren] It was good. Awesome.

[Lauren] How was the girls' ride?

Drama, like always.

[Pauly] Can I take a picture of you guys together for the social?

[Lauren]Yeah.

Okay, one, two, three...

Tell me if you like it. If not, delete it.

I would love to put, like, a poker face on,

but I'm not that type of person.

[slurping loudly]

I have a light switch, and the switch is on.

Like, literally, I have been ignited and it's getting real.

You look like Medusa. [laughs]

[Jenni] I'm about to become Medusa.

I'm about to ruin someone's proposal.

Oh, God.

I get why Jenni is annoyed but, like, girl, just stop.

We'll get him back another day.

But, dude, just, like, let-- let's not do this here.

Remember who's holding on to the ring.

No, we're gonna get it done.

You're not being nice? Not nice.

We're not gonna [bleep] it up.

No, no, no.

We're moms. We're gonna get it done.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

We're gonna be the moms that we are and classy.

We're gonna get it done,

and then, after it, you can attack.

May I have another Patrón?

You're the best.

k*ll me.

I've, like, never been to Vegas. Isn't that so weird?

No? What the hell? Oh, you guys gotta come.

He won't even know what happened the day after.

He'll be like, "Oh, I'm engaged?

You gonna eat that?" Yo, yo, yo, yo!

[Pauly] Everybody know what my trick is?

[laughs]

[Pauly] You guys seen it?

That's why, when you get one of my wedding rings,

I would never talk bad about you, Jenni.

Thanks, babe.

You're being loud! You're screaming.

As long as you don't try to take over my proposal at my wedding.

The vibe at the table is a little weird right now.

There's like so many conversations happening

and just weird vibes coming from Ronnie and Jenni.

What's happening over there?

[Jenni] If it was up to him,

he would give her a candle and [bleep] bubble gum.

We hear you.

[Deena] Jenni is turning into JWoww.

I don't know what to do right now.

I'm, like, hot. I'm hot. This is crazy.

Lauren, what do you want to drink?

Do you want to come out and have, like,

a little girls' discussion? Yeah.

[Deena] At this point, I think the only thing

that makes sense is, I'll take Laurens outside,

I'll keep her company, you guys squash this [bleep].

Oh, it's actually really nice outside.

It is nice. It's not as humid.

I'm gonna sit down and talk to you for a second

because you have no idea what I have done for you

this last month, between the ring,

giving up days of my vacation for your engagement.

Uh-huh. Planning from beginning to end...

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold on, I'm speaking. I understand.

I'm speaking. Just have a better energy. Just have a better energy.

No. I am speaking right now.

[Mike] I can't wrap my brain around this.

Why are you upset about this?

I heard you said you're gonna nail me with a pie in the face.

Is that true? Is that true?

♪ Awkward

[laughing] Oh!

After I gave up my ring-maker,

I did everything for you tomorrow for her,

'cause she's a beautiful [bleep] woman and deserves it.

Yes, she is. Yes, she is. And then what do I get?

You want to throw a [bleep] pie in my face the last day?

Jenni, what the [bleep] are you doing?

Are you trying to ruin my proposal right now?

My girl is in the other room. You have to do this now?

I don't want to make tomorrow happen now

because I feel insulted.Yo...

Who said I was gonna do that?

It wasn't me.

[Jenni] I feel insulted.

I feel hurt that I'm supposed to get

[bleep] smacked in the face with a pie.

...and second of all, it didn't happen yet.

I don't want to make tomorrow happen now because why would I

do that for someone that's gonna throw a pie in my face?

You don't want to be on Jenni's bad side.

I got you a ring, I'm helping you with your proposal,

and now you can't respect the fact that I'm hurt

that my friend wants to disrespect me

on the last [bleep] night in this house,

after all the things that I'm about to do for you.

I'm spinning because I'm supposed to design your proposal

and hang out with your girl when all I know is that

her boyfriend is a piece of [bleep],

like, ungrateful [bleep].

Hmm.

This is the worst.

Oh, my God, you don't sound [bleep] sane right now.

Last night or not, it doesn't matter.

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to wake up and be cool for you.

You don't have to. Just sit down with me and talk to me.

No. Lauren showed up when I found out.

How am I supposed to sit down and talk to you?

[Deena] Thank you. Would you like

a wine as well, ma'am? No, I'm okay. Thank you.

Do you know, um, where the other girl is?

No. I think she hasn't come back,

but I'm here for her, okay? Oh, okay. Thank you.

[Deena] Nicole was supposed to come out

and help me out here. She doesn't.

That's a cool drink.

The blue one? The blue.

I'm terrible at small talk when I know there's, like,

a friggin' World w*r Five going on inside.

I'm not really sure what's even happening.

If I was to hit you with a pie in the face,

it was only to be in a fun matter.

It was just a thought in the brain.

I did not follow through with anything.

You're just crossing the [bleep] line.

Okay, fine, fine. Straight up.

I know you're doing so many things for me and you have.

I'm sorry that, um, that I disappointed you.

I had no idea that this is the way...

That this is the way you felt. I had no idea, okay?

I have to forgive Jenni, 'cause I have no choice.

My main focus is that Lauren is here,

because within a day, I will be proposing.

[Pauly] That's all right.

We thought you were gonna come back a meatball.

Not yet, but on my way.Yeah.

You've still got tomorrow. You gotta break her in.

Are we ready, guys? [Nicole]Yeah.

Let's [bleep] go.

Thank you very much. Let's go, my meatballs.

[Ronnie] Yo, can I have that duck? Yep.

Thank you. I got a duck! Whoo!

[Mike] I think we're on the move.

[Deena] Oh, God, I've gotta pee so bad.

[Nicole] Ron, do you want your quacker?

Oh, please.

Are you a [bleep] now? [bleep], no.

Whatever.

[Deena] Love you, Vinny, and love you, Pauly!

[both] Love you!

♪♪

Is Ron alive?

[Deena] Who knows? [Nicole] Where the [bleep] is Ron?

♪♪

[Ronnie] After talking to Vinny's mom

and seeing the happiness that Mike has,

I'm realizing, like, I have to reevaluate my life

and myself and my relationship.

I want a family. I want to be happy.

Like, I want to be in Mike's shoes.

Like, I want to propose. Like, I want to have

that feeling of, like, more than, like, just...

like, "Oh, we're together and we have a kid."

Like, I want more than that.

Everyone else goes and they [bleep] live their life

and they're [bleep] happy.

I don't [bleep] have, like, all the [bleep] they have.

It's just me. Who the [bleep]

is the right person at this point?

'Cause I was with a girl for eight years

and [bleep] didn't work out.

And, like, now I got a girl pregnant for [bleep]

after a year, and [bleep] is probably not gonna work out.

It's like, what's the good...

Like, what is it? Please tell me, like,

'cause I [bleep] have no idea. I don't know.

I've been doing my best to try to make it work.

It's just not. Like...

[crying]

And, like, here I am, [bleep],

the same crying-a*s b*tch Ronnie

in the same [bleep] place, in the same [bleep] house.

Like, it's so hard to, like... [bleep].

And now, like... [crying]

♪♪

♪ Oh, oh, where do we go?

♪ You hurt me so I hurt you more ♪

♪ When this happened no one knows ♪

♪ That's how it goes when your heart turns cold ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh

♪ That's how it goes when your heart turns cold ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh

♪ That's how it goes when your heart turns cold ♪

[crying]

"Operation: Team Proposal" must commence.

We have two hours before this proposal.

Deena, get to work, you [bleep].

[Pauly] Balloons are here. [Ronnie] Holy [bleep].

Yep, looks good.

[Pauly] I'm hoping we can pull this off.

Everything needs to be flawless.

Come on, honey. It's happening!

Oh, my God! It's happening! [screaming]

Will you please marry me?