02x12 - Where's the Beach?

[bunniefuu]

Let's go!

Angelina keeps hanging on me.

She's kissing me while her soon to be husband

is standing right there.

This is crazy.

Jen just bounced on his a*s.

[laughs]

[no audio]

♪ Here I come ♪

Yeah, buddy!

Party's here!

The Situation is under construction.

This might not have been the best idea.

We're so classy now.

On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

Get the frig out of here, you crazy.

♪ Here I come ♪♪

♪♪

[snoring]

Oh, honey, what a crazy evenings.

Mm. I'm ready to leave Atlantic City.

Well, we're gonna have breakfastes first with the familys.

Okay.

And then we'll get out of heres. And we'll go see Mosies.

Oh! Mosie.

[Pauly] Even though we had some drama on this trip,

I will have to say this A.C. trip was a success.

DJ Pauly D, out.

Yeah, buddy!

♪♪

Did I go home with you last night?

Yes.

I was rocked.

Yes. [laughing]

[Vinny] Hey, Ron.

Oh, hey, peacock.

You can currently tell Ron's status by his hair.

[Mike] You sure can.

If he was in a good status,

he'd have a comb-over right now, all polished up.

[Lauren] True.

[Jenni] You all right?

Mm-hmm.

Nope. Look at his hair.

Good morning, everyone.

Hello. Oh, my God, it's Angeliners.

Morning, my love. [scattered chuckling]

I think you guys are like closet swingers.

[Angelina] Whoa!

This weekend was amazing. I'm so happy that I got to be invited.

I'm so thankful to Pauly.

I had an outstanding, amazing time.

You know what? I didn't expect

to like your fianceers here as much as I do.

[Chris] Thank you, I appreciate that. You know, so...

You guys are really cool too, all of you. I had a lot of fun.

I love you, b*tches. [Deena] Bye, Jen.

Bye, Vajayjay. Bye. Bye.

We'll see you at our house. Wherever we decide to get one.Yeah.

Yep.

This summer has been amazing.

We started in Vegas, we went to Seaside, we went to A.C.

So now I feel like we should keep this party going

and get another house at the shore.

And, it's just gonna be a good time, hopefully.

[Deena] Jen and the baby were supposed to come here in the morning.

We were supposed to see the baby, but...

I guess that didn't happen.

I'm at a loss for words. I don't know.

I don't know what he's going through, so...

Hopefully they'll be all right.

Yeah. Or hopefully he'll be all right.

Yo, guys, I'm out.

[Angelina] Bye, Ron. [Chris] Bye.

Lemme roll. Bye, had a good time.

Bye, nice meeting you, bro.

Bye. Bye.

See you guys soon.

Heading out, things between me and Jen didn't work out

the way I wanted to or hoped,

but it was still a great weekend.

Bye.Bye.

I'll see you, man.

Chris, I'll see you soon. Bye, Angelina. Bye.

♪♪

I'm able to control myself, and she's the one that can't.

And it's like, I'm at a point where I'm expecting

the absolute worst, but I'm hoping for the best.

♪♪

[elevator] Going down.

♪ Smile, the effects last for awhile ♪

[Nicole] Oh, she got packages. Should we bring it in?

It's like Christmas every time...

[Nicole] Caro.

[Deena]Hey!

Hey, mom. How you feeling?

I'm okay. Did you miss me?

Yes.

Did you miss us?No.

So, Deena's been on bed rest.

I've been worried about her,

so we're gonna bring her breakfast,

and I'm gonna find out what the hell happened in A.C.

How you feel? I'm okay.

Are you allowed to walk from here to there?

Yes. Oh, yeah, you wanna eat?

Sure. Yes.

[Deena] After sitting in the house, not really doing anything,

it's really nice that Jenni and Nicole came over

and were just getting my mind off of stuff.

Last week, I had a scare.

But, um-- see, I get like emotional,

'cause it's, like, scary.

It's okay.

Oh, honey.Oh.

No, like, I just started bleeding, but I'm fine.

[Nicole] No, that is scary.

Honestly, the scariest moment of my life.

I was a nervous wreck,

but Chris, he was like so calm, thank God.

I just feel bad that you're-- you feel this way.

No, I know.

[Jenni] I know she's petrified of losing the baby.

I don't want her this emotional. It's sad to see.

The baby's fine.

The doctor wanted to put me on bed rest

until my follow-up appointment, 'cause I'm still spotting.

Um, but, you know, I'm just-- I just think it might be better

for me not to live in the house.

But, I'll-- like, I would love to come and visit you guys,

and like, maybe me and Chris will come down...

[Jenni] Of course. ...for a weekend or something.

[Nicole] I totally get it, because I was pregnant once.

But like selfish me is like, "Come on, girl.

You could lay in bed all day."

As long as I see your face, I'm not gonna miss you.

When Pauly was deejaying, he was like, "I miss Nicole."

Wah!

How was it? What I miss?

[chuckles] Vinny and Chris got really, really close.

Eww. Like, weirdly close.

Angelina's Chris might be a cuckolder.

They might even want to have a threesome.

Freaking Angelina-- [Jenni] Eww.

They're like sandwiching her. Sandwiching.

Whoo! Whoo!

It was like a dirty Staten Island sandwich.

That's disgusting. Like, disgusting. [laughing]

[Jenni] The whole thing's just weird to me.

I feel like Angelina and Vinny are gonna do sex

in the next shore house.

I just don't know if Chris is gonna be there watching,

or participating.

And I don't even know if Vinny would or not.

I feel like he's, like, intrigued by this. I feel like he would.

[Jenni] I feel like he would to prove a point.

Vinny's p*nis is like six degrees of Kevin Bacon.

What's that mean?

Yeah, I don't know what that means.

Oh, my God.

I know who Kevin Bacon is, but why six degrees?

It basically means, no matter where you go in this world,

Vinny's [bleep] was part of it. [Nicole] Eww.

I don't know what that has to do with Kevin Bacon, but...

[Jenni] Oh, my gosh!

♪♪

Chris, I think I'm gonna go to

another shore house with the roomies.

That would be cool, right? Yeah.

Would you come visit? You had fun in A.C.

I did have fun. The guys were cool.

Vinny's cool. Yeah, I loved all of 'em.

You guys actually had, like, a connection.

I was like, "Wow, I didn't think that was gonna happen." Yeah, he was cool.

I feel like I'm kind of jealous about Chris and Vinny's relationship.

It's like, Chris, you come in out of nowhere

and you have like this great relationship with Vinny.

I'm trying to get Vinny to actually like me

for all these months, and it's like,

he doesn't like me for [bleep].

When you were out having your guys' day,

did you guys talk about anything, like, serious or no?

Vinny was saying something like, "You seem like a normal guy.

So why are you gonna marry Angelina for?"

Why is he asking you that?

Because he secretly loves me.

Ah, back to this. And you know what?

I don't blame him for loving me, because he should love me.

How do we keep coming back to the same topic?

Maybe you're in love with him,

'cause every time we talk-- Every time we talk about something, Chris, shut up.

Eww, gross. Hell, no. it keeps coming back to Vinny.

You're an a*s.

It's a typical night.

Obviously, me and Chris can never sit down at a dinner table

without some form of fighting.

I mean, we're, like, disastrous together.

It's bull[bleep].

♪♪

Oh, my God, how does this work? Woo-hoo-hoo!

Oh, my God.

I hate those circle things.

[muttering] [line ringing]

Ronaldo!Tremestizo! Where are you?

Just landed. Where are you?

I'm driving to the house right now and I'm so nervous,

because you [bleep]holes put me in charge of this

and I don't know if it's gonna be pretty or not.

I'm usually good with responsibility.

I have two kids, they're still alive.

Everything's going good.

But, like, finding a house and stuff,

like I'm nervous about that.

What, did you look it up blindfolded?

Well, I went on Craigslist. It could be a m*rder house. I don't know.

"The Shining at the Shore"?

I just want our house to be amazing.

We gotta have fun.

And, it wouldn't be an official "Jersey Shore" vacation

unless you live on the water.

You have a boat, you have a jet ski.

That's how it feels.

Oh, my God, that's you! [Ronnie laughing]

Psycho.

All right, send me the address

and I'll see you in a little bit.

All right, I'll see you in a little bit. Love you!

All right. Love you, bye.Bye.

Oh, my God, he is the guy from "Shining."

For sure.

♪♪

Ooh-hoo!

Fancy!

Right when I drive up to the house, oh, my God, gorgeous!

This house is amazing. I hope the roomies love it.

Come on, Ducky, let's go check our "housy" out.

Ooh!

Oh, wow. Wow!

Oh, this is a mansion.

Ducky, do you like our new house?

He loves it. He's smiling.

Hi!

Here, you can play with each other.

Ooh, this is the girls' room!

Because I found this house.

I did a great job. Thank you!

[gasps]

Look at that pool! Oh, my God!

This house is dope.

I'm so proud of myself. It's so pretty!

I found this house. It's beautiful.

I k*lled this [bleep]! But where's-- where's the beach?

We're not on the ocean.

There's no beach. The backyard is beautiful.

It goes for miles and miles. But there's no beach.

Hello? Where is the beach?

Whoa. Where's the beach?

Beach!

Where's the beach? Where's the beach?!

There's no beach. No waves, no sand, no boats.

[chuckles] [bleep] me.

Ah! Good job, Nicole.

Where's the beach?!

How's everything with you and Jen?

It's good.

Ron's one of my best friends,

and I know he's dying inside with Jen.

Is that before or after she dragged you in the car?

♪♪

Where's the beach?!

No waves, no sand, no boats.

Ah! Good job, Nicole.

Oh...

I'm stealing this. And that.

Where's my friends?

[line ringing]

Hello?Ronaldo?

Hello?

Ew, where are you?

Who's this, Nicole? Yeah, you freak.

Well, why are you calling me from this creepy number?

Because I'm at the house, b*tch!

Where are you? Come here now.

You wanna go straight to the beach?

The beach?

Um... it's like right here. You're gonna love it.

All right, bye. Bye.

[bleep].

Oopsie.

[bleep] my life. [chuckles]

♪♪

[gasps]

I see a car.

Right when I see Ron, if we lock eyes, I wanna spiral.

We're the Spiral Squad.

[laughing]

[snorts] Cheers.

Oh!

♪ These steps feel better ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪ Whoo!

[Nicole] [gasps] It's happening.

Hello? Hello.

Welcome to my mansion.

You did good. I know! I k*lled it.

♪ Welcome back home... ♪

Wow.

I feel like this is a "home" home.

Yeah, this is nice. It's so beautif--

Do you wanna see the backyard?Yeah.

So, the backyard is gorgeous.

Oh, wow. This is really nice.

And the beach is, like, back there.

Beautiful house, check. Pool, check.

Beach?

[sighs] Oh, Nicole.

Like, back there.

[laughing] Behind the trees? Like, back there!

Over the highway. [laughing] Over there.

Through the woods. The beach...

Where's the beach? It's a very nice house.

Where's the beach? I don't know!

Where's the beach? I don't know where the beach is.

That clock's wrong.

Do, do. That time. [beeping]

[bleep] off. [beeping]

Settings... clock. [beeping]

Oh, I hate you. This is too rich for me.

I don't know how to use this. [beeping]

This house is too bougie.

Like, I have a bougie house,

but I know how to, like, use my oven and the clock.

What are you doing? It sounds like you're...

The clock's wrong. ...setting up a b*mb.

[beeping] That's cook time.

Oh! [laughing]Der!

Oh, my God.

Cook time is when it cook-- when you're cooking it.

The kitchen timer is the time on the--

Just stop. You're lying.

On the thing.

No, then it's gonna count down, like a b*mb.

No it's not. See?!

[Ronnie laughing] Is it going down?

No, it went up. It went up. What?

One time, Nicole's like, "Ron, you know what I majored in in college."

And I'm just like... you went to college?

This is a timer. I need--

Who cooks at home? I need to put the time on.

You or Jionni? I do! But I've never seen this.

An oven? [chuckles]

She's like, "Yeah, I was gonna be a vet tech."

And I was like, "Oh, that's right."

[Nicole] Let's get drunk.

[chuckling]

All right, I guess I'll make this.

It's our first night in the house,

and we're not gonna have all the roomies,

so I feel like we should take advantage of it.

So, you wanna-- I'm getting drunk.

That's what you do when all the roommates are here.

[blender whirring]

Ron, stop! I think you fill it too high.

God, you're like an infant.

[laughing]

[chuckles] Every time.

Come on! The crumb cake!

Just don't tell Mike. Oh, my God.

"You're gonna dirty the house

and get the 'Ron Ron Juice' all over the walls!"

I'm like, "Nicole, I've been doing this since you had a poof. Relax."

[Nicole screams]

Ron!

You're so annoying. Think it's ready.

On three-- one, two, three.

Spiral Squad. We're gonna do some [bleep] tonight.

Let's do this. Spiral Squad. Whoo!

Burnin' [bleep] down.

I think we should go to dinner, get drunk,

and then have Angelina come when we get back.

I'm super excited for her to get here.

She's such a good time.

Cheers. Ron Ron Juice. Cheers.

Shore house. Whoo! I'm scared.

♪ Oh-no ♪

♪ Oh-no ♪

♪ Oh-no, oh-no, oh-no ♪

♪ Oh-no, oh-no, oh-no ♪

Let's get the [bleep] out of here.

[vehicle honking] I said-- Oh, my God, is he beeping?

Oh, hold your horses!

♪ Oh-no, no, no, no, no... ♪

Were you beeping? Were you beeping?

[honking] How dramatic.

[honking]

What are you, my dad?

Oh, I feel drunk.

Lightweight.

♪♪

[Nicole] Look at all these h*s. [Ronnie] So stupid.

Okay. Thank you.

Hello. How are you?

Hi, how are you?

Good. Anything to drink?

A double Tito's with seltzer, please.

Double Tito's seltzer.

So, honestly, I haven't talked to Ronnie in a while.

I know a lot went down.

I feel like we need a little time to, like, be like,

"Bro, are you all right? What's going on here?"

How's everything with you and Jen?

It's good. Right now-- It's better than it was.

Is it?

Yeah. It is.

Obviously, since I saw you in Vegas,

a lot of stuff has happened.

But, we've been good lately, you know?

We've been calm, cordial.

Is that before or after she dragged you in the car?

[Angelina] Yes! [Vinny] Yay!

[Mike] Oh!Yes!

Whoa! Goodness graciouses. I gave it a !

We got a .

We got a !

♪♪

How's everything with you and Jen?

It's good.

Is it?

Yeah. It is.

Is that before or after she dragged you in the car?

Obviously, since I saw you in Vegas,

a lot of stuff has happened, so... it's better than it was.

Why would you stay with her when she tried to k*ll you?

Nicole's like my sister, you know, and I told Nicole,

if you want to know something that happened

or what you heard about,

just hit me up and I'll tell you the truth.

They made it seem worse than it really was.

So, what actually happened then?

We just got into an argument over nothing.

She was like, "Get out the car!

I got out the car, and I went to go talk to her

and she drove off, thinking that the door was gonna shut.

And I held on to the door, and I fell, basically.

And then everyone just made it seem worse.

Like, everything I did was literally on TMZ for awhile.

If I [bleep] opened the door, "Ronnie Opens Door!"

You know, the news and these magazines,

they only report negative stuff.

They're gonna make it sound so much more worse

so that people are more interested.

It's like a car accident, you know.

People don't want to look, but they're gonna look, ya know?

It's like, "Oh, [bleep], I don't want to look..."

I just let people think what they wanna think, and it is what it is.

I know what happened, you know.

Right now, I'm focused on the baby

and gonna enjoy the vacation with you guys and go home

and do what I have to do for myself and the baby.

Everything with Jen will fall into place eventually.

Well, I don't want to judge on your relationship,

but I don't think you guys have a healthy one.

Oh, it's not health-- it wasn't healthy before, for sure.

So as of right now, you're still with her?

Yeah, we're still together, takin' it day by day. That's all we can do.

Honestly, I love you Ron, but for the baby's sake,

go to couples therapy, fix yourselves,

and be a good parent to your baby.

Be good for the baby.

I just hope, as a friend,

you and Jen aren't in the news like that again.

Me too.

And like violent, and like scary, and-- for your sake,

for the baby's sake, it's just like-- it's...

Forever insanity. ...not a good look, and it's scary, and...

Yeah, I'm the one it, so I know.I know.

♪ Let go... ♪

Listen, we've dealt with enough drama this year, you know.

I wanna come in here and have a good time,

and I want my roommates to have a good time, you know?

And that's the mentality that I have.

I wanna dance. Let's go to the bar.

You ready? Cab's here.

Thank you, man, appreciate it. Have a great day.

[woman] Good night. [Nicole] Thanks, guys.

[Ronnie] Thank you. Bye, good night.

♪♪

That dessert k*lled me. You're sitting like a dad.

'Cause I'm [bleep] full.

Whoo! I'm excited, whoo!

♪♪

Cheers!

Ooh, Spiral Squad.

We're here to get away from our problems, so let's have fun,

let's enjoy ourselves, and let's get drunk.

Spiral Squad is in mode-- is in mode-- is in mode.

Spiral Squad is living right now.

I'm dancing, I'm having a good time.

We're taking over this club, and I feel great.

[phone ringing]

Hello? [Nicole] Hey, girl!

What are you doing? I'm on my way. I'm in the cab.

So, don't go to the house first?

I have all of my stuff, all my luggage in the cab.

I feel like, with me and Chris,

we have a lot of stuff to talk about,

because we are very bad right now.

But this is my vacation right now, away from my other life.

Let me give him some space. Let me get some space.

Hopefully, it will make all this drama go away for a little bit.

All right, I'll see you in a little bit.

Spiral time. See you. Bye.

All right, I love you. Bye.

♪ In the VIP, we'll be screaming at the top of our lungs ♪

♪ Lung, lungs ♪

♪ We don't ever have to breathe ♪

♪ 'Cause the music and the beat is a drug ♪

♪ Drug, drug ♪ What was that?

[laughing] ♪ And we're never going to leave ♪

♪ 'Cause you know we got the keys to the club ♪

♪ Club, club ♪

♪ All we want to do ♪

♪ All we want to do is make love, love, love ♪♪

Thank you.

[sighs]

Look at my life right now. Like, only me. Oh!

[dubstep playing]

Come on. Ohh!

Oh, my God!

There's really no cool way

to walk luggage into a club, especially Teak.

[Nicole] Angelina is walking into the club with her luggage.

b*tch, I love her. She's such a [bleep] mess.

Yes! My God! [laughter]

I love her. She gives me life.

[Ronnie] Angeliner.

Yo, look at my luggage, girl!

I'm just happy they're not garbage bags.

I'm ready to party, get drunk, get wasted.

I'm really excited to turn up with them tonight.

Let's go.

Wait, what?

[Nicole] Ron, you have my bag?

Yep.

Thank you!

I'm passing.

[Ronnie laughing]

She passed out? Yeah, she's done.

She died like four hours ago. She was just in zombie mode.

[Angelina] Oh! Is this the house? Whoa, it's huge!

It's like a castle.

We pull up to the house, and it's beautiful.

Like, Nicole actually did a really good job.

Let's go, Nicole.

[slurring] No, stay here.

Come on, mama. Come on.

b*tch, stay here.

Nicole, we need to get out of the cab.

[Ronnie] We're here. Let's go to bed.

b*tch, you're here!

Yeah, I am!

Come on, let's go.

I'll remember not to be friends with you. Thank you.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Come on, let's help you up the stairs.

Ooh! Come on, girl.

[bleep] you all! I'm going.

[phone beeping]

[Chris] Hello.

Hey.

Yes.

What time is it?

I don't know. Where'd you go?

Someplace in Red Bank.

Oh, yeah? All right. Call me tomorrow.

Why do you sound like you're, like, pissed?

I don't know. I was sleeping. What do you want me to say?

Where?

Where do you think?

At work.

Yes!

Oh, all right. God.

[Angelina] All right, cranky.

So call me tomorrow.

[yawning] Okay.

Goodbye, "cranky pants."

Bye. Bye.

♪ It's been a long, long time coming ♪

♪ This mountain won't climb itself ♪

♪ Hey, it's one foot in front of the other and together... ♪

[Ronnie] Me and Nicole actually didn't burn down the house.

We didn't k*ll anybody. And we made it home alive.

First night, Spiral Squad, was a success.

♪♪

We should get up, it's :. Nicole!

What?

You were "drunky pants."

I don't even remember getting into my bed.

So, waking up this morning, I'm like,

"Oh, God, I feel like a bag of [bleep]."

I tried to spoon with you, Nicole.

Eww! We're not there yet.

I thought maybe you woke up

and you thought I was gonna piss in your bed or something.

Why did this happen?

I love Angeliner, but just give me a second to regroup.

I was like, "I'm fine. I'm really not gonna pee in your bed. I promise."

And I-- And I--

What are you, "Floribama?"

They pee in each other's beds.

[chuckling]

[Ronnie] What's up?

Wait, so, they're gonna get here in an hour.

I want to do, like, the spread we talked about.

So, I'm super excited for the roomies to come.

They're gonna walk in to, like, a gorgeous house,

obviously, that I found.

And it's just gonna be like a fun, cute party...

that lasts ten days.

Let's do it.

♪♪

Ooh. All right.

Manalapan, here we come. [chuckling]

Fun little fact, BDS is from Manalapan.

I know. And the prodigal son has returned.

I am back, and it's time to bring greatness back to the land.

I thought you were banned from there?

Um, no, no. That was probably a couple of years ago

that they banned me, possibly.

♪ This one for my soldiers in the field, bruh ♪

♪ All my women that kept it more than real, yuh ♪

♪ Know the streets... ♪

[Angelina] Well, that was fun last night.

I knew right when I walked in there

that Nicole was drunk by her smiling.

Yeah, she was wasted last night, for real.

And then when she was sleeping, she scared me

'cause she sleeps with, like, one eyeball open.

So she's like this?

Why does she sleep like that?

That's so creepy, though. I was like, is she all right?

What happened with Chris last night?

Oh, my God, he was being an a*s[bleep].

I don't know, I guess all the garbage bags are going to his head.

[chuckling] Uh-oh.

Last night I wanted to [bleep] take a garbage bag and put it over his head.

You guys fighting before that? Or you just called him and he was just like...

We fight. Everybody fights. I mean, that's a given.

Yeah, but he gets nasty, like, I think he's too comfortable.

I do love Chris a lot, but, like, I don't feel like

it's healthy to fight with somebody this much.

How we gonna, like, last forever, you know what I mean?

It's a little concerning to me.

[Nicole] I think we should do a pool party.

I was just asking her about Chris.

Oh, yeah. What happened with that?

You know how like sometimes when you become too comfortable,

like, you talk to somebody a little nasty?

You think you're allowed. It's like that.

It's called marriage.

[Ronnie, laughing] Yeah, it's called being engaged.

[Nicole] Yeah, it's called relationships.

No! I mean, like, I don't want to deal with that for the rest of my life.

[Ronnie] Then you gotta tell him that.

You're not fighting over something huge like that,

you're fighting over something that's just so minor.

When I'm giving Angelina relationship advice,

that's when you know your relationship is [bleep] up.

It's normal to fight.

If you don't fight, that's not normal.

If you don't fight, that means you hate each other...Yeah.

...and you just don't give a [bleep].

That's basically what it comes down--

Ron, don't give Angelina relationship advice. Stop.

I don't know. We'll see what happens.

I think you need to chill.

And you're not even drunk yet.

Oh.[Nicole] Let's get drunk.

[laughing] You're not even drunk yet!

When are the roomies coming? I want to do my spread.

♪♪

You excited to see your girl, Angeliner?

To be honest with ya, Angelina is fun.

And, also, she doesn't mess with me.

She messes with, like-- actually, you.

[both chuckling]

Angelina's nervous. She wants to be hot for Vinny.

For Vinny?

Yeah. She keeps changing her outfit.

♪ I know that you want it, baby ♪

♪ And I know that you want it, daddy ♪

♪ It's gonna drive ya crazy ♪

Oh, yeah.

Maybe they should just bang and get it over with.

[laughing]

Any time I'm with Angelina alone, she brings up Vinny.

Do you think Vinny likes me? He should just confess--

Where are you going, you [bleep] wh*re?

He should just confess his love to me, Nicole.

I hate everyone. That's why I said,

you should sleep with him to see.

I'd probably throw up.

You didn't throw up the first time.

And honestly, like, it's annoying.

Like, girl, just bang the kid already,

'cause I don't want to keep hearing it.

Bang him, punch him in the face, and let's move on from it.

Could we make that happen?

We could try.

Yeah, let's have it our mission.

She constantly messes with you. All the time.

I think there's a little crush going on there.

I think so too. And, I've heard some news that she's a secret...

Cucker.Cucker in the area.

"Swangers."

Which is, uh... "Swangers," yeah.

♪ Can't wait to have Ron-Ron Juice ♪ It's happening.

It's happening. ♪ Can't wait to have Ron-Ron Juice ♪

♪♪

Dope! Man!

Yo, look at this house.

A Jersey mansion. Mansions, kid!

Mansions, kid!

This house is definitely, like, on some grown-up [bleep],

with, like, landscaping and people trimming the hedges.

It's like, this is an adult house. Like, we are adults.

Aaaah!

[screams]

Yay!

[Angelina] Who is that?

[all cheering]

What's up? "Vitos" is here.

BDS in the house!

And we love this house, yo.

Yeah, it's so dope.

This is how you get a shore house.

Who picked this house out?

I did.I heard you did.

Whoo! Did I k*ll it?

This is dope!

[Vinny] Hey, Ron. Oh!

Ron's hair is done nice.

Yes. He's in a good state.

[Vinny] Ronnie is kinda like Humpty Dumpty.

He falls, he's shattered.

You got like an eyeball here, an eyeball there.

And you think this [bleep]

is never gonna be put back together again,

and then you see him and he's like perfectly combed over.

This [bleep] is like a Humpty Dumpty on steroids.

[Angelina] Mike, look at all this food for you.

[Nicole] Yeah, Mike, we made some foods for you.

You know, I'll be honest with you, I actually lost a couple pounds.

You lost five to seven?

Five, seven, yeah. Five to seven.

Good observation. Five to seven, I did.

[imitating Mike] "Well, I've been on my diet for three weeks,

and I lost five to seven."

I'm like, I feel like he always loses five to seven,

but then he gains to .

I'm hoping to stay on the diet.

So, then, what are we gonna do with all these?

Oh, but he can cheat, though.

One cheat day? One cheat day.

One cheat meal a day. [laughing]

How's Chris, Angeliners? He's good.

Do you know, there's a rumor out on the street about you, right?

Ooh!

Wait, what's the rumor?

That you and Chris

are secret cuckers out on these streets.

[Ronnie] Oh, I heard that. Did you hear that too?

I don't even know what the word "cuckold" means, nor do I wanna know.

I would cuck you. Yeah.

Would you bang her and let Chris watch?

Yeah, I'd cuck Angelina.

Ahh!Ohh!

What's happening?

That's called a swinger. You are [bleep] swingers.

Chris would probably give me a pass.

Oh, absolutely.

I think he's a freak and he just,

like, doesn't want to tell us.

Oh, he's totally a freak. Oh, everyone knows that.

Well, that's news to me because when I did that with you,

you were not a freak, so where would you--

[all] Ooh!

[Ronnie] She said you did missionary and you were boring.

[all shouting]

[Ronnie] She said you starfished her.

[laughter]

Angelina... What?

Can you please wash me a dish and bring it to me? Thank you.

I think Vinny is totally in love with me

because I remind him of his mommy.

Vin! I don't know why you don't pick up the phone, honey.

Annoying! Shut the [bleep] up. I'll throw a broccoli at you.

We've literally been here minutes, and I'm scared.

We have to pay this bill and get out

before somebody gets arrested.

And now I'm gonna fight. Whoo!

[laughing]

♪♪

[Mike] What are you doing, unpacking?

[Vinny] Yeah.

Uh, what are you in the mood to eat tonight?

Wonder if I'm in ketosis right now. Should we check?

Yes, let's check.

I need a little-- I need a little cup.

I am very Keto Guido, and I have these keto testers,

where you pee on a strip

to see how much ketones I have in my blood.

But you have to bring it out here.

We have to make sure that this is legit.

I'm finishing up my pee.

Listen, I might have to come in there and--

Be my P.O.? and make sure that this is actually your urine,

because to be honest, I'm used to things like this.

If I know the ins and outs of anything, okay, it's a pee test.

A small trace.

That is keto-- bro.

You are not in ketosis right now. Bro...

These tests definitely don't tell if you're pregnant,

but they test if you are in ketosis.

The darker it is, the more in ketosis you are.

I don't know if I can call you the Keto Guido any more.

Bro-- how dare you? You can't even pass a test?

I did pass it.

[whispering] Lies. Lies!

The waters are very muddy right now and...

Listen, these tests aren't always accurate, all right?

[laughing]

The man's not in ketosis.

The proof is in the pudding. And he's had some pudding, guys.

I gotta test this tomorrow. [chuckles]

[Nicole]Ron!

[Ronnie] Hmm?

[Nicole] Starving.

[Ronnie] Put the hot dogs on.

[Mike] Very impressed with this spread here, guys.

I'm very impressed with this.

Angelina...What?

Can you please wash me a dish and bring it to me? Thank you.

Excuse you.

You could do this one,

but just make sure it's clean, please.

[Angelina] I think Vinny is totally in love with me

because I remind him of his mommy.

I'm from Staten Island, his mom's from Staten Island.

I'm Italian, his mom's Italian.

I clean his plate, his mom cleans his plate.

I am basically like looking at his mom.

Vin! I don't know why you don't pick up the phone, honey.

[laughter]

Come on, sit next to me, Angelina.

Since we're gonna, you know... [trails off]

[Ronnie]Bang.

[laughter]

Just do it. Just [bleep]!

Angelina wants to go on the slide with you.

Come on, Angelina, let's-- let's go slide together.

[Mike] He wants to slide through that hallway.

Wait, what?

[laughter] Like a hot dog in a bun.

[Nicole] You're talking about your vag*na.

You're saying you're loose.

Having sex with Angelina is like...

[rattles]

Oh, my God!

[Angelina] You broke it, a*s[bleep]!

There's a deposit on this house, by the way.

[Vinny] Let's go in the pool.

♪♪

[Vinny] Ooh, this is nice!

Mike, come on.

BDS...

That'll be some real BDS.

...is the official lifeguard.

Right now, Big Daddy Sitch is the lifeguard,

but hopefully they don't need my help,

'cause I'm actually not jumping in.

[Angelina] Come on, Nicole, let's go down the slide.

[both screaming]

Come on, Ron!

[Ronnie] Oh, [bleep]! Do a backflip.

I'll do a backflip.

[Mike] Uh, wha-- what are you doing?

Safety first here.

[bleep]

[Mike] Ohh! Cool!

Wow.

[Nicole] I'm a cheerleader, b*tch.

[bleep] Yay!

[all] Ohh!

[Mike] Ohh. Goodness "graciouses."

I'd have to give that... I gave it a !

Ooh!

I wanna try it.

[Mike] What the...

Oh, God.

What the [bleep] was that?

Oww!

That was a .

Come on, Vin, do a backflip.

Wait! [laughter]

[Mike] What the hell was that?

Just grab your legs and you're fine.

No...

[laughter]

Boy. Oh, wow.

[Vinny] I kinda am realizing

that I'm not a great diver.

We got a . We got a !

I mean, I'm a guido. I'll flip someone off, like,

"Yo! What the [bleep] you lookin' at?"

But, like, I'm not doing a flip.

[Ronnie] Now do that thing. Hey...

[laughter]

[Mike] Wow! Whoa.

That was very unathletic.

Listen, I am embarrassed for the Keto Guido right now.

Get your [bleep] together!

[Vinny shrieks]

That was a solid .

♪♪

[Jenni] This is insane. Where are we?

We've never given Nicole this much responsibility before,

so for all I know, we could end up in Munchkin Land.

I'm a little worried.

Yes, Nicole!

Look at this.

Yeah, girl!

Oh, my God, Nicole!

This house is [bleep] phenomenal.

I'm home!

[gasps]

Aah! Whoo!

Hi! Whee!

[Mike] Oh, my God, Jenni!

[Vinny] Oh, [bleep]. My boo is here!

Do you wanna see our room?

Yeah, show me everything.

Ron gives the best tours.

Oh, [bleep] you.

[laughing]

I'm really glad my best friend's here.

Moms gone wild!

Ew, I jizzed. [sputters]

[Vinny] All right, what's the plan?

We're gonna go to Char for dinner.

Oh, my God, I love that place! Yeah.

All right, I guess I'll get dressed.

Yeah, let me, like, blow-dry this really quick.

[blow dryer whirring]

[Ronnie] You guys missed the conversation

between Angeliner and Chris last night.

They're, like, beefin' bad.

Wait a second, are you saying

Angelina's engagement might fail?

Right. [Vinny] No.

I don't believe it.No way!

[Vinny] Men have battled with this question

throughout history.

It was written in the Dead Sea scrolls.

You can't turn a hamster into a housewife.

So, if Chris is on his way out,

that means you're on your way in. Shut up.

Is that when you're gonna slide into her DM?

Yeah! Yeah, he's gonna slide into her DM.

♪ I've been waiting for this moment for so long ♪

Car's here.

Angeliner!

Coming, coming, coming, coming. Let's go.

♪♪

[Angelina] Mike's buyin'!

[Nicole] Mike's paying for it.

I know Mike's excited.

Ooh! Seafood tower.

Angelina, how's your night going so far, dear?

What the hell? "Dear"?

Are you flirting?

Oh, he's flirting! No.

You're flirting with me.

I'm saying, how's your night going, dear?

It's great, babe.

All right. "Dear" is different than "babe."

No, "babe" is the same as "dear," by the way.

You guys should [bleep].

Can we watch? Nicole, we're in a family restaurant.

[Mike] Angeliners... Yes?

How's, uh, Chris?

[laughter]

[Angelina] He's good.

He's good? Mm-hmm.

[Vinny] Oh, my God, look at that.

[Mike]Wow! Jenni, look at this.

[Nicole] That's, like, not the food that I want.

I'm like Pauly, I don't like fish.

I'm gettin' drunk.

[Angelina] So, we show up to the restaurant.

It's very classy.

And all of a sudden I turn to my right,

and Nicole is pounding vodka sodas.

[Nicole, slurring] I'm gonna get [bleep] up, b*tch!

[Angelina laughing]

[Ronnie] Wow...

[Angelina] What the hell was that?

Oh, Marone, calm down.

What are you, a [bleep] cheese maker?

[laughing] What? A cheeseburger?

I'm losing my speech. It's happening. I'm stuttering.

[Ronnie] I'm so, so hungry.

Eww! You lookin' crazy right now.

[all chuckling]

[slurping]

God, I am-- I'm drunk, b*tch.

What do you want from me?

Is there food that, like, I can eat?

What do you mean? I'm hungry.

[Vinny] Want some lobster?

I don't eat that!

I'm sorry, I don't like [bleep] fish.

[all chuckling]

"Dren" has arrived at dinner.

I haven't seen Dren make an appearance at dinner

in a long time.

Now the vacation has begun.

Sir? Can she have a-- some sort of chicken?

Or bread? You gotta eat something.

[slurring] I-I just want asparagus.

[waiter] Just asparagus? Yes.

You got it.

I don't know. I just love asparagus.

Especially when I get drunk, I just want asparagus.

Whoo! Yeah, girl!

Yes, b*tch!

I'll be right back with that chicken, okay?

Ooh, it's hot. Whoo!

I think it's so good. I would love asparagus now.

So... I just want asparagus.

[Ronnie, chuckling] Oh, my God.

Oh, I'd love a pretzel bread.

Are any of them made from, like, almond flour

or grain-free?

No, thank you.

Calm down, Vinny, you [bleep] wiener cleaner.

[mouth full] Why are you so dramatic on your [bleep] diet?

[chuckling]

[Vinny] The Snooki Monster is

turning into more of a gremlin as we speak.

Like, at this point, no one is safe around the Snooki.

[Nicole] You look like a troll.

[Mike]Wow... [Ronnie] Ooh!

A troll? Hi, Dren.

Welcome to the party.

[Nicole] Shut up, b*tch.

We've literally been here minutes, and I'm scared.

We have to pay this bill and get out

before somebody gets arrested.

Do you want more than asparagus?

No. Now I'm gonna fight. Whoo!

[laughing]

♪♪

[Mike] Is she drinking-- Is that wine or water?

[Nicole] I'm doing it!

[mocking her] "I'm doing it!"

Mike, this is me. This is me!

This is what you get. This is it.

It's me! I'm doing it.

This is me! Let me live! This is me!

Yaaagh!

[Vinny] No one's safe.

[Ronnie, laughing] "No one's safe."

[laughter]

[Jenni] This is classic Nicole right now.

She drinks, drinks, drinks, boom!

Ready to rage.

And I'm just like, "Oh, we're back. Let's do this."

I'm sorry, I'm not--

[Vinny] Perfect. This is it.

[Ronnie, laughing] "This is it!"

This is what you got. [laughter]

This is what you got, b*tch.

I'm sorry, this is it. I'm not feeling it.

This is what I love. This is what you got, b*tch.

[Jenni] I would say we're out with the Snooki

and in with the Dren.

Now I feel like we're on vacation.

[Nicole] I love you so much.

I love you so much.

I will [bleep] you.

[laughing]

Whoa!

[Mike] All right.

All right, I'll allow it.

[laughter]

Judges? Judges?

Ten! [laughing]

[Mike] Dren is Snookie's alter ego

when she gets drunk.

When Dren joins the party,

there is... there's no telling what you're gonna get.

What is happening there?

[laughing] I don't know. What is happening?

I don't know. Excuse me!

I don't know. What is happening over there?

Nicole. Nicole. Nicole, sit down.

[Nicole] [bleep] off.

[Vinny] Now the Snookie Monster is dancing.

Whoo-hoo!

Whoa!

[Ronnie, laughing] What music is she listening to?

Come on, girl!

[Vinny] She's in another...

She's in another realm. She's in the Matrix right now.

I think it's that lunar eclipse.

I don't know what's going on,

but I'm like, you know what?

We're on vacation. [bleep] it. Let's go.

[Nicole]Whoo!

[Mike] Whoops. We never come back here again.

[Ronnie, laughing] Yeah.

Where's the beach?

[laughing] Yeah, we're at that point now.

Where's the beach!?

Right there. Where else would it be?

[Nicole] Oh, my God. I wanna go to the beach so bad.

Word. Word. Yes. Yaas!

Times have not changed, at all.

It's like a beautiful disaster.

[clears throat] Yeah.

[Ronnie laughing]

Stop! Nicole.

Annoying. Shut the [bleep] up.

I'll throw a broccoli at you!

[Vinny, chuckling] This is what I went on vacation for.

I have a feeling this is gonna be kind of a theme of the vacation.

Whoo!

Check, please.

All right. Let me just drink a little bit more,

and then I'll go. Come on, girls.

[Mike] I actually wanted to try the broccoli.