02x25 - Tuxedo Time

[bunniefuu]

[Lauren] If anything, the wedding's starting to feel

so much more real 'cause we're so close.

[Mike] It's happening.

[Vinny] Wow!

[Mike] Yep.

[Pauly D] Somebody's moving on up. Look at this place.

[Mike] Yes, sir. Where your boy Ronnie at?

[Vinny] He's been busy on TMZ.

[Mike] Are we gonna have to exclude him?

Oh, look who it is.

[record scratches out] [Mike] Oh, damn.

[Vinny] Awkward!

[Pauly D] You got punched in the face. You got dragged by the car.

Now your teeth are [bleep] up. How much more can you take?

Regardless of who, what, when, where, and why,

like, leave this [bleep] girl, that's it.

♪ Here I come ♪

Yeah, buddy!

Party's here!

The Situation is under construction.

This might not have been the best idea.

We're so classy now.

On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

Get the freak outta here, you crazy!

Uh, hello!

♪ Here I come ♪♪

♪ It's your life ♪

♪ Go ahead, just throw it away ♪

♪ Bright things turning to gray ♪

♪ It's your life ♪

[Pauly D] She's provoking you. You got punched in the face.

You got dragged by the car. Now your teeth are [bleep] up.

How much more can you take? You're physically getting your a*s kicked.

[Ronnie] It's just always they're bringing [bleep] up, you know,

whether it's [bleep] from social media,

or it's like, dude, like, it's too much.

It's almost like I need people on my side, not against me.

And I feel like I can't turn to you guys, you know,

and I can't be open with you guys,

so I have to make up lies and say certain things,

because I feel like I'm just not connecting with you guys anymore.

[Vinny] Mm-hmm. [Ronnie] You know?

This [bleep] has been weighing on my heart personally

because I feel like I've just become the butt of the jokes of everybody.

[Vinny] It's not a joke like, you know...

If you think that, like, your life is a joke

or something like that. You know what I'm saying?

[Ronnie] No, I'm just like-- I'm just like, you know, in my mind--

But yeah, I get what you're saying about exploiting it

and everything ends up becoming about Ronnie.

I think it happens because when we see you put it

out there and stuff, that's how we start talking about it.

Of course we're gonna talk.

If I reacted like that, I would expect everyone

to be talking about me like that.

[Jen] You're a loser. You're a piece of [bleep].

[Ronnie] I didn't do anything!

[Jen] Yes, you [bleep]! [Ronnie] Oh!

And then like Secaucus and then the black eye, like...

[Vinny] Are you serious? For real?

Yeah. Look.

[Vinny gasping]

[Pauly D] Oh, [bleep]!

[Vinny] What parking lot? [Ronnie] In Secaucus.

What the [bleep] were you doing in Secaucus?

[Ronnie] Just a bunch of unfortunate events.

It's like kind of like you poking the bear,

poking the bear, and it's like I'm tired

of being the bear. I don't--

Yeah, no one goes out of their way talking about you.

I get it. I do it to myself.

Like, stop just making jokes about it.

Stop bringing it up. You know what I mean?

Like, nobody want-- I have to relive my past as it is,

and it's like I don't need to keep reliving it through you guys as well.

I'm at a point where I don't know--

I don't know how to help anymore,

so I'm like I don't know what I should do.

Like, just stop making a joke about it.

You know, I put this [bleep] out there,

but it's not so... it can become a joke.

It's-- it's so in a way maybe I'm asking for help.

As opposed to just sending a text or giving you guys a phone call.

You know what I mean? Or maybe it's just my way

or being like, you know what,

I'm not making the right decisions,

and a lot of choices that I do make

are not the right ones and it's a lot of different

moving parts right now that's going on in my life

that I never experienced before, you know,

so everything's brand-new to me.

It's really sad that Ron said he has to post on social media

as a cry for help.

Man, that's the last place you wanna look for a cry for help.

There's professional services out there that you can go to--

therapy, anything, us!

Hey, we love you. Like, you're our brother. No, I know.

And I don't ever wanna see you hurt ever.

I'm not saying you guys are against me.

[Pauly D] No, no, no, no, but I just want you to never feel that way.

[Ronnie] No, I know.

We love you. We're here for you.

[bleep] you post is funny, though.

Yeah!

You know, we've been together for ten years,

and it's like these guys, they're my brothers, and it's like,

you know, I have a huge bond with them.

My man. You're my boy.

I love you, man. Me too.

I mean, it's like and I don't want something so small

to spread us apart, you know, especially when we've come

so-- so far to come back together.

[all] Hey!

[Pauly D] Hey, what are you doing here?

Mwah! Mwah!

If I could pull out a Mike quote...

[Pauly D] Don't-- don't do it.

The best reaction sometimes is no reaction.

You don't have to solve everything in that minute.

You can just call me if you need help, too. No, I know.

Always, like always.

Yeah, I definitely feel like more than ever I need,

you know, my friends for support and backup.

You know, and the guys wanna say that they are my support system,

and it's like it's-- it's an amazing feeling.

Did you ever think about deleting Instagram?

[laughing] Yes, I-- No, I knew you'd--

[laughter]

Well, I just wanted to get that out there and just, you know...

[Pauly D] Yeah, of course.

Mm-hmm. You cheated-- No!

[laughter]

I'm happy that we had this conversation with Ronnie

because it's been so awkward.

All right, speeches, what are we doing?

Let's get writing.

It's been such an elephant in the room,

and now we can focus on Mike's wedding,

and we don't have to worry about this Ronnie stuff anymore.

Is it too soon to make jail jokes?

I have a ton of those.

♪♪

We're gonna go in a castle. It's like Mickey's castle.

Pretend this our house and we're rich. Ooh!

The most beautiful castle in the world.

Giovanna! Look at this place!

It's huge, Mama. Well, I'm gonna steal things.

This morning, we're bringing Meilani and Giovanna

to Legacy Castle so they can practice being flower girls.

Are you gonna be a flower girl with Sissy?

[Lauren] Yes!

Oh, my God!

I'm so happy!Me too!

I'm so happy!

[Jenni] You accepted.

[Nicole] Will you be flower girl in the wedding?

[Lauren]Aww! [laughter]

Oh, my God! Come on! We accept.

She'll do it? Okay. Oh, yes. "We accept!"

Mike is definitely lucky,

because he's using our girls as flower girls.

Oh, watch!

And I don't wanna brag,

but, like, my daughter is beautiful.

Ohh! And these stairs.

Hi, honey! You look so pretty.

Why can't we dress that? Meilani is beautiful.

Like, me and Jenni make really hot kids.

Aunt Nicole and Mommy will show you two how to walk, okay?

Let's do it drag style. [humming "Bridal Chorus"]

♪ Let me tell you how I waited all week for you ♪

♪ Now take it off ♪

♪ Lay it on me ♪

♪ I see, I see ♪

♪ You'll see, you'll see ♪

♪ You'll see, you'll see ♪

[Nicole] And then when you're done, you go...

[Jenni] Remember, this is your moment.

It is all about you today. Woo-chh!

♪ I'm gonna have an attitude ♪

♪ Got an attitude ♪

♪ I'm gonna have an attitude ♪

[Jenni] And work! And work! And work!

[Nicole] Walk. Wait!

That's Mommy after tequila!

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Na-na, na-na na ♪

♪ Na-na, na-na ♪

♪ Na-na, na-na na ♪

Honey, I'm showing you right now

what I got for the groomsmen.

Voilà. What do you think?

This is cute.It is.

What is this?

Um, that is technically a grenade whistle.

Oh...Yeah.

Anyway, just put that down. We don't need that. Okay.

♪♪

[Vinny] Um, all right, so...

[Ronnie] So who's going first tomorrow?

I don't know.

I mean, how many speeches can there be?

Like, they gotta be short, 'cause there's three of us.

Dear Mike... Dear, dear, dear Mike...

Dear Mike, the first night out...

[laughter]

Dude, just read the note. Dude, that would be epic.

[Pauly D] Oh, that would be epic.

If it's in the note, it's true.

Be like, "Mike, the first night at bed you stuck your--"

Oh, wait, this is the wrong speech."

Oh, sorry, this is the wrong note.

[Ronnie] Wrong note, wrong note, wrong note.

[laughing] Stupid!

We wanna keep it all positive. Make fun of him a little bit.

Well, the thing about this is it's like we joke around

with each other, but now since it's in front of his family,

in front of her family, so we have to sort of censor our jokes a little bit.

Yeah, Mike was a savage.

Mike started off as The Situation, complete d-bag.

You know, I'm hooking up with this girl,

your girl's girl, and her girlfriend's

girlfriend's girlfriend. Somebody's gotta do it.

It's so hard to think of him like that.

Like The Situation, and... you know what I mean and everything?

It's like...Yeah.

Come such a long way.

Mike was mean. He was arrogant.

Double-crossing people, manipulative.

You, you have a good time.

Shh! Be quiet, little tiny girl.

We're about to-- we're about to

kick out those girls right now because you girls are cuter.

Who would have ever thought that my grenade whistle...

[grenade whistle blowing]

[Pauly D] The grenade whistle!

Grenade whistle!

...would've ward off all the grenades

and brought him to the right one?Yeah.

So Mike owes me a favor.

Laurens took The Situation out the game.

[Vinny] Damn, Ronnie's [bleep] like Eminem right now.

[Pauly D] Yo, what the hell?

♪ To all my K*llers and the $ billers ♪

[all chuckling]

I mean, I don't know. Let's me see.

[exhales]

"Seriously, it is an honor to be one of your many

best men's or groomsmiths-- groomsmiths-- groomsmens."

Groomsmiths? Groomsmith.

I've heard of a locksmith, but never a groomsmith.

[laughing]

"There comes a very special time in life where you find the one

"and you realize that true love really does exist.

"What I'm describing is the feeling Mike got

when he found his wedding cake."

[imitates flatulence]

[Pauly D, laughing] Chooch!

[Vinny] Someone else go.

"Dear Mike, when I first met you,

"I decided that you were gonna be a good friend of mine,

"then Vinny came and we didn't like him,

and he caught pink eye and spread it throughout the house."

Oh! [Ronnie laughing]

I think we just each do, like, a short little one about us.

Like, you know what I mean?

I'm just gonna say it from the heart,

not drag it on until... hurtin' Lauren.

Wrong choice of words, but okay. Drag it on and on.

[Ronnie] Oh, my God.

[laughter]

All right, we're good with the speeches for now?

Yeah.

Gonna let it marinade a little bit.

I got most of it.

[Pauly D] Gotta add a few more lines and I'm good.

Yeah, couple jokes here and there.

All right, let's go run through the dance one more time.

Okay.That's cool.

[Ronnie] Gonna be like [bleep] Justin Timberlake

up in this mother[bleep].

So just like for a whole eight-count.

So it's...

[all] One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

[Ronnie] The moves I'll get down. That's not a problem.

I'm crazy legs. I'm Gumby ankles.

That's what I do is dance.

One, two... No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no!

[Ronnie] Yeah, it's just-- [Pauly D] It's slower now.

It's slower. That's why you have to count, okay?

[Ronnie] I mean, I'm just gonna be nervous dancing

in front of all these people.

That's the only thing I'm really nervous about.

[Vinny and Pauly D] One, two--

[Vinny] No, same one.

[overlapping shouting]

Not the same one! It was one and then two.

N-n-n-n-no! Have a carb! Have a carb!

Get this man a sangwich 'cause he's [bleep] up!

[Vinny] You're right, you're right, you're right! All right.

[Pauly D] Mike's gonna get married!

♪ Are you ready? ♪

[Mike] Okay, ready?

Mike's finna get married! Mike's finna get lit!

Mike's finna get married! Mike's finna get lit!

Mike's finna get hitched, finna get--

This is one of the biggest days of my life,

and nothing could drag me down.

Just wanted to check and see. Is your "plus one" coming?

Um...

[Mike] Oh, damn.

♪ Ever since I saw you across the room ♪

[Mike] This is a very nice hotel, honey.

I know, I picked it out.

You did a fantastic job.

♪ My heart dropped, never thought it could feel so new ♪

I am so excited.

It is the night before my wedding.

Let me walk you to your room.

I just feel great. You know, we're soul mates.

We're best friends. She's my better half.

I can't wait to finally do this thing.

Are you ready?

Of course I'm ready. Are you nervous?

Um, a little bit, 'cause I think it's gonna be

a super beautiful wedding.

Big Daddy Sitch never gets nervous,

but I'm gonna tell you right now,

I'm getting a little nervous, because I know that Jen

has just showed up to town.

Um, I don't wanna stress you out, but, um...

remember the whole situation with Ronnie and Taters?

Yes.

So, um, I wasn't sure if, um, Mrs. Taters was still coming.

Yeah.

Um, word on the street is she is in the hotel.

Really? Um, with the baby.

So, what I'm gonna do is when I see him,

I'm gonna be like, um,

"Are you coming with Mrs. Taters and the baby,

or just Mrs. Taters, or are you coming alone?"

I don't know about Laurens, but listen,

Jen is welcomed at my wedding.

I don't want her pissed at me!

So, um, I wanted to hear your thoughts on that.

But it's your clan.

It's your best man and his date. Mm-hmm.

So that's like your call. Mm-hmm.

But it's a lot-- Her coming is a much bigger...

conversation to the two of them, and how it's gonna work

for the two of them at the wedding.

But they are welcome, obviously.

Of course. We invited them. Okay, cool. Okay.

It really makes me feel good that the missus

is just very supportive, and she's just like,

whatever Ron wants to do, that will make us happy,

you know, and that's what we really want.

We want Ron to be happy, and if you want to bring Jen

and the baby, bring Jen and the baby.

I'm gonna shower. Maybe I can join you.

[laughing] No! You have to stay in your room.

Those are your rules.

Yeah, those are the rules.

You'll see me on the big day?I will.

Oh, my God. Tomorrow is the big day.

Next time I see you I'll be married.

I feel awesome that my best friend becomes my family.

Good night, Soon-To-Be Mrs. Situation.

Love you. Love you.

After I say good night to my beautiful bride-to-be,

I'm kind of getting in the mood. Like, you know, what I'm saying?

Whoo! Room service, where you at?

And Big Daddy Sitch has been on his diet.

I am supposed to be shredding for the wedding.

Here it is. "Eat well." Turn up!

But right now, it is the night before, okay,

and that means it's time to turn up and live my best life.

Okay, I would like to start off with a Caesar salad.

Throw a little shrimps in there. Steak sandwich.

Spicy tuna roll. The rainbow roll as well.

Flour chocolate chip cookies.

Can I can French fries with that?

I really love my bride-to-be.

For an appetizer, I probably would like

the-- Ooh, cheesecake?

But listen, I also love me some room service.

Is there anything else that you recommend?

I love me some diet soder. And, um, that's it.

Half an hour. Thank you.

Now that the foods are on the way,

Big Daddy Sitch can, uh, put his-- his tensions at ease,

and I can go sneak down and speak to Ronnie for a little bit.

♪ Keep it on the down-low, on the down-low ♪

♪ Keep it on the down-low ♪

Although me and Ron used to like hate each other...

[chuckles] we have gotten closer the past couple years,

and I really do care about him.

He's my brother, and I wanna just make sure he's okay.

[Ronnie] You excited, you nervous, you ready?

No, I'm very excited, man. I think it's gonna be like

a dope celebration, you know? Yeah? That's great.

I'm glad you made it, you know what I'm saying?

Of course.

Um, if you weren't able to make it, like,

it would be like one of my brothers not making it,

you know what I'm saying? So, I'm so happy.

Regardless of whatever's going on in my life, you're my brother.

Yeah. You know what I mean?

And, you know, we've been through everything together.

We have been. Te-- ten years.

Ten years, and you know, man, it's like--

It is an awesome almost like story

that we have come so far in... Yes.

...in our friendship... That's what... [laughing]

...that now you're a best man at my wedding.

[Mike] Ronnie is my best man today.

Who would've thought that about ten years ago?

Let's do it! [Sammi] Stop it!

Let's do it! Let's do it!

[Sammi] Stop! Stop!

[overlapping shouting]

[Mike groaning]

I really am thankful that you had me in the wedding.

Oh, dude, get out of here.

You know what I mean? I'm so happy to be a part

of your and Lauren's next chapter in your life.

Yeah. And I'm gonna be there tomorrow.

I'm gonna make sure that tomorrow's the best day...

Yeah. ...that you have.

I heard-- Word on the street is you got the baby upstairs...

Yes. ...and Mrs. Taters I heard is up there, too.

Yeah.All right, cool, cool.

Well, listen, I mean, listen, I--

I've been seeing some [bleep] lately, um, you know,

on the 'gram and whatnot. Is everything cool?

Everything's good. Okay.

But it's something that like when I don't get a reaction...

Yes. ...from somebody or the reaction that I want--

Why don't call me next time, and I'll be like-- I'll be like,

"Put the phone down. Just put the phone--"

Yo, I've never seen somebody more on TMZ than you, son.

You crazy.

This mother[bleep] don't got no teeth? Like, word?

Straight one-two to take out the bottom teeth.

Ron, I love you, but take the K back from Jen

and get some new teeth.

Is everything cool? Everything's good,

but we both feel embarrassed right now.

You know what I mean? It's not a proud moment for either one of us.

So, did you make a decision on if--

if you're bringing Taters or not?

[suspenseful music]

Um, I'll ask her again.

I definitely think Jen and the baby being at the wedding is--

is a good thing in my relationship

just because I want both of my families to mesh together.

But I just feel like every time I bring Jen around,

it just becomes a big joke of some sort,

so it's like I don't know what to do.

We all want you to be happy, and...

I appreciate it. I really do.

...and that's really what is.

I'm, you know, I'm sorry that I gave you a scare

thinking, you know, maybe I was not gonna make it.

I know that you wear your heart on your sleeve.Yeah.

And I know you care for this woman, because if you didn't,

you wouldn't be going through all this.

You know what I'm saying? I pray that you're happy.

I pray that you're not on TMZ.

No, me too, after this.

I still don't know if Jen is actually coming to the wedding,

and I'm thinking to myself, "Ronnie, if you wanna bring Jen,

by all means, but please, please, no drama."

Come here.

Come here, bro. Your brother, your family.

Ohh! You know? All right, love you, bro.

No matter what, bro, you know, I'm here.

Yeah.

And-- and I really am happy to be a part of this.

Yes, and also going forward,

you need to think when you're going through crisis mode,

you're like, "What would Sitch do?"

No, no, no, no, what would Mike do?

Not what would Sitch do!

[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]!

Retract the statement! No, retract!

Retract! [laughing]

Pull that back, no.

[Mike] All right, fellas, I wanted to present you guys some gifts.

I specifically got bobble heads so that I could imitate Ronnie.

[laughter]

[Vinny] It do got Ronnie's [bleep]. Yo, looks like him.

Hide that [bleep]. Cover yourself up, baby.

Uncle Nino, he's in his element at weddings.

Mwah! You're beautiful. How are you?

Thank you so much. Nice to meet you.

You're Oriental, eh?

Go easy. She's spoken for.

I'm Korean. "Oriental" is not a word anymore.

[laughter]

♪ Wake up and I live the dream ♪

♪ Hit the scene fresh on the scene ♪

♪ Hair done and nails done too ♪

♪ I'm feeling good don't know about you ♪

Hi.

Hi! Hi.

It's really happening. You excited?

I'm real excited.Happy?

Yeah. Good, I'm gonna put eyepatches on you.

Yes. They feel cool.

Dresses are here.

♪ I'm living my best life ♪

[Pauly and Ronnie shouting]

What's up, fellas? What up, my guy?

What's up? Chilling.

Time to get married. Do it.

Wedding day! Let's do it.

Uh, let me do a last-minute checklist in my head.

Uh, I think I got it.

[all chuckling]

The last five years have been tough.

I was in rehab three times.

My legal situation I've been dealing with.

I had lost all the money I'd earned.

I had to build myself back up from practically nothing.

[Pauly D] This wedding day right now.

But today makes all that hard work worthwhile.

I wonder if I'm gonna keep it together for the ceremonies.

I'm finally getting the girl, and at the end of the day,

that's how my chapter's gonna end.

Usually I'm able to keep it together fairly well, and--

Well, you cried at the proposal. You're gonna cry today.

[laughter]

♪♪

[Jenni] We're here.

It's your magical day to become a princess!

[Meilani] Yay!

Mommy will come back out for the bag, okay?

I'm feeling good because Meilani slept.

Can you get the door for Mommy?

She's flower girl. It's her big day.

Pretend it's the fridge in the middle of the night.

You got this.

I don't need her flipping out, flipping people off,

dropping the "F" b*mb, so naps are important.

[Joey] Hi, Mommy! What is that red wig?

[Meilani laughing]

[Nicole] Now, don't be tired.

I wanna do, like, red hair, red lip.

You wearing those glasses? No.

[Nicole] Hop out. Here, you wanna carry your candy?

No, don't be tired now.

That's why I told you to nap before.

When my daughter doesn't take a nap,

she, like, turns into Lucifer.

Get out. Oh, my God. Five hours.

Let's go.

But I think once she sees Meilani, they're gonna play.

I got them sugar so they can, like, get drunk

and then, like, walk down the aisle and be fabulous.

So I feel like the girls are gonna be good today,

cross our fingers.

Sick wig. I hate that hair.

I can't.

You really gonna do that?

It's permanently on right now, yes.

Halloween's over, [bleep].

Like, what is going on? I can't with her wigs.

She looks like she's in the Witness Protection Program.

I know. Like, where you going?

♪♪

[cell phone ringing]

Yo, where the hell are you?

We're on our way right now.

We ain't even off the exit. Where you at?

I'm at the Legacy Castle.

Oh, you already there? Mm-hmm.

Yo, get me something to eat over there, bro?

How many minutes?

I want egg and cheese...

What's your ETA?

...with bacon and potatoes and orange juice.

What's your ETA? What's your minutes?

And an orange and an apple.

Hurry up. I'm standing here by myself like a chooch.

Make me something to eat before I slap the [bleep] out of you.

[Ronnie and Pauly laughing]

[Pauly D] Bye!

[cell phone beeping]

[Pauly D] I see Ron's head is buried in his phone,

and I can see that he's texting Jen,

so I'm actually starting to get worrying about that.

Like, is this girl really gonna show up and ruin this wedding?

[cell phone beeping]

Ooh, let's see how this-- see where this is going.

Yep. Just got weird in here.

♪ [Yo] Out here living the life all day ♪

♪ Gonna take my girls, gonna take my girls ♪

[overlapping chatter with bleeping]

[Pauly D] This place is dope as [bleep].

[Mike] This place is dope.

Are we still doing this marriage thing?

[all chuckling]

[Mike] Yeah.

Got the jumpsuiters on.

Oh, yeah! Wedding day, yeah!

This is fairytale [bleep] right here.

I'm pulling up to a castle, okay,

and I'm marrying my queen today.

♪ My girl, my girl ♪

♪ My queen, my queen ♪

Gets no better than that.

What's up, what's up? Hey, how are you?

Guys late for your own wedding.

[Ronnie laughing]

The cavalry is here,

my groomsmen, Pauly, Vinny and Ronnie,

and I'm very excited.

[Mike] Turn up. Cool.

Whoa!

♪♪

[Vinny] This is my room.

Yo, if you need me, I'll be on the chaise lounge.

[Vinny] Lauren went all out for this wedding.

This is the nicest place I've ever been to.

It's so amazing.

I mean, it's not a chapel in Vegas with Elvis marrying you.

Everyone, please rise.

["Bridal Chorus" playing]

You look gorgeous.

Thank you.

No one can be as extravagant as me and Pauly were,

but it's nice to see them try.

[Mike] All right, fellas, I wanted to present you guys some gifts.

Thanks, dude.

I didn't know I was gonna get a gift.

Yep, everyone gets gifts.

Cool. [Vinny] Cool.

[Pauly D] We have socks.

We have the Italian flag dress socks.

[Ronnie] But wait, there's more!

[Mike] Oh, wait, there's more.

[Ronnie] But wait, there's more!

Ohh!

[laughter]

Whoa! That's so cool.

[Mike] Yep! [Vinny] Who the [bleep] is that?

[Pauly D] I don't know.

[Mike] Yo, wait a second! That's BDS, son!

[Vinny] BDS looking a little slim!

[Mike] Yo, BDS is on a diet right there.

[Pauly D] Well, why's he looking like Brad Pitt?

I told 'em, I said, "Listen, make BDS look slim."

[Vinny] This is amazing.

I think these bobbleheads are hilarious.

However, they aren't that accurate.

I mean, Ronnie has all his teeth.

[Ronnie] Why do I look like Robin Thicke?

[laughter]

[Pauly D] It's the thought that counts.

I'm glad you guys like it.

I'm glad-- I'm glad you guys like it.

I specifically got bobbleheads so that I could imitate Ronnie.

[Ronnie laughing]

"Ronnie, you need to get away from Jen.

"Ronnie, don't give her K.

Ronnie, go to the dentist and get that teeth fixed."

[laughter]

[Vinny] It do got Ronnie's [bleep]. Yo, looks like him.

[knock on door] Someone here.

[Mike] Hey, how are you?

[woman] How are you?

It's Mike's makeup artist.

Come on in. [Vinny] Makeup artist.

Hey, how are you?

Oh, we're fancy, huh? Wow.

Yo, you wear makeup?

This is for touchups, fellers.

Uh-huh, we know. You getting lashes too?

Wait a second, wait a second! Ohh!

Wait a second.

You have a dress fitting too?

[Pauly D] I know.

[Mike] There's actually besmudgery on my wedding day.

Okay, this is pure blasphemy at its highest level.

Yo, Mike, you didn't even need these girls.

What do you do before they come? Like, what's your beauty regimen, though?

I'm very big into skincare.

Um, I start my morning with a morning mask.

Why, hello.

Big Daddy Sitch here.

Then after the morning mask, I had the mid-morning mask.

Okay. Okay,

and I also do a shave,

and then I do a post-shave mask.

Okay.

Beauty is pain.

Yeah, I have a mask for pretty much every situation.

So your pores are open right now, cleansed.

Yeah. It's a glow-up from the flo' up.

No doubt. You are glowing on your big day.

I'm big with the skin. You know what I'm saying?

As we speak, do you see what I'm doing?

See, you don't know what I'm doing, but I'm doing something right now.

[laughing]

Yeah, I had a vampire facial about three days ago.

Wait, what do they do?

They micro-needle your face,

okay, which forces the face to repair itself.

I'm like, "Mike, what is that? Is that like when a vampire [bleep] on your face?"

[woman] And the collagen to produce. Yep.

[imitating The Count] A'one! A'two! A'three!

Ha ha ha ha!

I was gonna do that, but it'd took off my tan.

Imagine?

I think you look fabulous. Your new haircut's on point.

Makeup looks good.

You're looking ready to get married.

I'm gonna use the bathroom. Oh, [bleep].

[door closes]

Yesterday, I had a conversation with Ronnies at night.

Mm-hmm.

And, uh, all this drama that happened this past week,

we've all seen it on social media.

Is he actually bringing Mrs. Taters and the baby,

or is he coming by himself?

Like, I had to just find out, you know?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Um, he really didn't give me a straight answer.

Wait, what?

He did say that you guys spoke to him couple hours prior

and that y'all was a little harder on him I heard.

Yeah, we got nowhere.

[Vinny] She is here.

And she is here in the hotel as well across the street.

Yeah, it's weird that we still don't know.

I don't even know. I mean, she might show up, or she might not show up.

He's being like a nice guy right now.

But, bro, I'm not telling you to un-invite Jen

because I know you won't,

but please just, like, consider it.

[Pauly D] Well...

Well, there goes the neighborhood.

Oh!

No, those shouldn't be sour. Let's see.

I think we should save these for right before we walk down the aisle

so we get a little sugar rush.

[Giovanna laughs] [Meilani] Mommy.

[Jenni] Yeah? [Nicole] Ew, they smell like farts.

[Pauly D] Yo, why don't you google how to tie a bowtie?

I have no idea how to do it. You?

[Vinny laughing]

[Pauly D] All my bowties comes with Velcro.

Start with the bowtie facing up.

All right. [Vinny] Which way is up?

[Ronnie] Just went limp!

I think this is the way mine's supposed to look.

[hip-hop music playing]

[Nicole] Do you wanna do my hair then?

[Joey] Yeah, come sit down. It's already set.

Honestly, I hate getting glammed up.

I'd rather just never wear makeup and be in jammies all day,

but the occasion is great today,

so thank God Joey's here to do it for me.

Oh! [Joey] It is.

[Nicole] No, those shouldn't be sour. Let's see.

Ew, they smell like farts. Don't they smell like a fart?

[Giovanna laughs]

[Nicole] I think we should save these for right before

we talk down the aisle so we get a little sugar rush.

So usually when Sissy's like not in a good mood or she's being brat

you have to bribe her with candy.

Today's the big day. I'm a stage mom.

I'm making sure my daughter's on point.

I mean, this is gonna be a lot of work today.

[Nicole] They look organic.

♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪

Yo, fellas. Let's take it back to the roots.

[Pauly D] Hey, I'm with that!

All right.

[Vinny] Mike's toe turns to the left.

[laughter] [Ronnie] You see it?

They're crooked like they're [bleep].

It's crazy!

Yo, first of all, I just got a pedicure, okay?

These babies are shining, all right?

[Pauly D] I can't tell if his toe's talking to me or talking to you.

[laughter]

I was under the impression this whole time

that Mike cleaned up his life, until he took his socks off.

Mike, what are you doing, kicking rocks?

Turn up! Oh!

What's up, guys?

[overlapping greetings]

All right. What's up, guys?

Finally, something manly like a tuxedo. [laughing]

It's everyone's favorite time right now.

It's...

[all] Tuxedo time!

[Ronnie] It's t-shirt time?

[Pauly and Vinny] It's t-shirt time!

[Ronnie] T-shirt time!

It's not t-shirt time. We grown.

It's tuxedo time.

♪♪

Cool. Mine says "Pauly D."

[camera shutter clicking]

[Mike] Oh, damn. Keto Guido!

Suspenders. Ronnie, you clean up nice, man.

[Pauly D] Ha, chooch!

Look at this dude!

[laughing]

Nice.

Ronnie's lacing us up because we don't know how to put on cufflinks.

We don't know how to put on any of this.

[laughter]

Yeah, we look sharp, we're dressed up nice.

Like, are these supposed to go high or low.

I know that matters.

But guidos and tuxedos...

I ain't never had suspenders before.

Like, I don't know. It doesn't really mix.

[laughing]

We're dressed up, but we still look like chooches.

[Pauly D] Yo, why don't you google how to tie a bowtie?

I have no idea how to do it. You?

No idea. I'm gonna do it right now.

All my bowties come with Velcro.

[laughter]

How many guidos does it take to tie a bowtie?

Start with the bowtie facing up.

[Pauly D] All right. Which way is up?

Bowtie isn't exactly in the guido wardrobe, all right?

I have never woken up and said, "You know what?

I'm gonna throw on a sick bowtie."

Take the long end, this one... Mm-hmm.

...and go up underneath.

All right.

Right side's a little more down.

Wait, how did it jump from that to that?

Tying a bowtie, it's like you turn this

and then you gotta put it underneath.

[Vinny] Bring it down like that.

Then you gotta like crunch this thing up.

Make that right side a little longer.

And then you [bleep] the thing and then it's not long enough, and you're just like...

[chuckling] This is not...

[Ronnie] Just went limp!

I think this is the way mine's supposed to look.

[laughter]

Ron, I just ask you something.

We're holding places for everybody downstairs.

I just wanna check and see. Is your "plus one" coming?

[suspenseful music]

Um...

[Mike] Oh, damn.

♪♪

♪ All I want ♪

♪ Is to see the world ♪

♪ A brand-new day beginning ♪

[Mike] And are they even on right, because look.

Hey! All right, hey, guys.

Hey. And you're ready.

[Pauly D] Meena, we got a little problem over here.

What's going on? We don't know how to do this?

Do you need help with your bowties?

So, this goes over this one.

And then you take the top one and you fold it around.

Thank you. All right?

That's your -second lesson.

Wow. That was insane.

Cheers!

♪♪

[Jenni] You guys are beautiful!

They're-- Look at them.

Like, they're Uncle Mike's flower girls.

I never thought the day.

I was only hoping he would ask them.

I know, same. Hmm.

Nicole and I never had Mike at our weddings.

Girls, smile.

No, don't take the money!

It's like coming full circle

that Meilani and Sissy are part of his wedding.

Some parts of me regret not inviting Mike,

but he wasn't who he is today.

One day we're gonna show you guys ten years ago

when mommies met Uncle Sitch.

Just put some stuff down for a second there.

Take a load off. What's your name?

JWoww.

JWoww?Yeah.

Party's here! [Mike] The party's here?

How are you? What's up, sweetie?

Nicole, hug.

Mommy punched him in the face.

[men gasping]

I mean, it was just different times back then. Yeah.

It's just this great feeling to know that, like,

we set all that bull[bleep] aside.

[Nicole] You guys are the worst.

They're us. Yeah, the worst!

Look at 'em!

[Chris L.] Babe, you almost ready?

[Angelina] I have to spray my vag*na spray. I'm sorry.

[aerosol can hissing]

You ready?

[Angelina] You're sweating.

Hit my [bleep].

[Angelina laughing]

[Nino] Hope they got good [bleep] wine at this [bleep] joint.

Ahh!

All right, be-- be here when I get back. All right.

What's up, buddy? Thanks for showing up, buddy.

Okay, buddy, let's get on our way, pal.

Told you I'd miss this [bleep] wedding.

You know what? Mother[bleep]!

Left the card on the [bleep] table next to my wine.

I gotta go back, I gotta back, we gotta go back.

I'm sorry-- I'm sorry, pal.

[Ronnie laughing]

Aah! [Joey] Stop scaring me!

[Jenni laughing]

Is it possible to be too dapper? 'Cause if it is, then I am.

[laughter]

Here we go.

Hoo!

All right, fellas, I gotta finish some photos.

All right. Do you thing, man.

Hit it. Hit it!

Let me explain what's going on to you real quick.

So you know since I'm the prank w*r champion

I wasn't gonna have us dance to no track.

So instead of dancing to the track,

I'm bringing Rob Base here, so it's gonna be live.

Did you really? Oh, my God.

"It Take Two." I got him to come.

When people see that I hooked this wedding up

and I actually bought Rob Base to the wedding,

it's gonna blow their mind.

♪ Hit it ♪ ♪ I wanna rock right now ♪

♪ I'm Rob Base and I came to get down ♪

So we're not just playing the song, he's performing the song.

No. He's performing like.

He's gonna perform it live.

And, um, so when he gets here he's gonna sh**t me a text.

We just took this performance up a notch.

A whole new level.

We got outfits, a choreographed dance,

and we have the live song, the live performer

to come to perform the song at his wedding.

Practicing my speech. What are you doing, chooch?

You memorized yours? Practicing-- Yeah.

Oh, the speech? Mm-hmm.

How long is yours, like a minute or two? One minute.

Mine's probably like a minute or two.

Ron's is like eight hours long.

[Pauly D] No, Ron's minutes. [Vinny laughing]

They're just gonna cut it anyway.

[dramatic music]

[cell phone beeping]

All right, you guys are interrupting me.

At this point in the day, I'm thinking that Jen's not coming to the wedding.

Like, she would've been here by now

or we would've heard something.

[cell phone beeping]

But now I see Ron's head is buried in his phone,

and I can see that he's texting Jen,

so I'm actually starting to get worrying about that.

Like, is this girl really gonna show up and ruin this wedding?

[cell phone beeping]

[Vinny] Ronnie's like a ticking time b*mb.

The more he texts the more it feels like something is brewing.

[Pauly D] This can't be good.

Damn, dude, not again. And not today.

[cell phone beeping] [Ronnie] I'm gonna use the bathroom real quick.

Hello? What are you doing?

Hold on, I'm just saying 'cause then I don't know, like--

if, like, you're not like already here,

then the ceremony's gonna start, and, like,

I'm not gonna be able to grab you to sit down.

Ooh, I see how this-- I see where this is going.

Yep.

The thought of Jen coming is stressing me out

and making me feel sick.

[Ronnie] Are you even ready yet? [Jen's voice indistinct]

No, I know.

No, no, no, it's fine.

All right, love you.

[toilet flushes]

Just got weird in here.

♪♪

I would have a Jet Ski if I lived here.

[Italian melody playing]

[Vinny] I'm so happy that Mike actually decided to get married in Italy.

[laughter] [Pauly D] Cool!

I didn't even bring my passport for this.

When I see this little gondola, I'm like holy [bleep].

Mike wanted a destination wedding

and he got it, but in Jersey.

This thing matches the tattoo on my back.

[laughter]

[Meena] I need you guys upstairs.

[Ronnie] I just came to get them for you.

[Pauly D] Take it easy, Meena.

[Ronnie laughing]

[classical music playing]

[charged music playing]

Look like a [bleep] palace.

Oh!

Whoa!

[Pauly D] Uncle Neens!

Got your good cane? Yeah.

There goes the neighborhood. Uncle Nino has arrived.

So that's your cue to put the good silverware away.

Uncle Neens. Hey, hey, hey.

Meena, this is Uncle Nino.

[Vinny] This is our Uncle Nino. This is the wedding planner.

[Pauly D] This is our boss. Hi, boss, hi, boss.

I'm the boss for today. Mwah! You're beautiful.

How are you? Thank you so much.

You're oriental, huh?

She's spoken for. I'm Korean. "Oriental" is not a word anymore.

[laughter]

When Uncle Nino laid eyes on Meena, the wedding planner,

I'm thinking, like, we need to get to safety.

[lion roaring]

Because he is salivating like a rabid dog.

All right, guys, let me take you in. [Mike] We're ready.

Let's go see the space. Excuse me, I'm sorry.

We're gonna ask you to wait here. Yeah, you gotta go--

Wait for the bus? What the [bleep]?

Go get some cheese. We're out of bread.

Uncle Nino strives at weddings. I mean, open bar.

[gulping]

Ahh, nice.

Ladies in dresses.

Hide that [bleep]. Cover yourself up, baby.

Cover yourself up.

But I feel like Uncle Nino's trying to keep it classy

'cause Lauren's family is here.

I wonder if I could take a peek, just a little bit.

Hopefully he keeps it together.

Wow!

Wait, come on. You have to come in here.

[Ronnie chuckling]

Damn, this fancy!

Damn! I was wondering why--

Yo, what the-- Ron, this is the nicest bathroom you've ever--

you've ever [bleep] up.

[Ronnie] Bro, bro, look at the toilet paper holder.

Oh, [bleep].

[Pauly D] You could do some damage in there.

[Ronnie] I always said I needed some help when I go to the bathroom.

[Vinny laughing] [laughing] There's an extra person in there!

So while you clog the toilet, he unclogs it.

Yeah, exactly.

[Vinny] This is too classy for Ronnie's a*s[bleep].

♪♪

[Deena] Last night was a tough sleep.

[Christopher] Really? Yeah.

Well, at least I know there's gonna be good foods today.

Oh, for sure.

Mike definitely picked out good foods.

[Deena] I wonder if Jen's coming. I highly doubt it.

If Ron comes to Mike's wedding by himself,

I think that he will be fine.

If Ron brings Jen, I think they're gonna cause drama,

so I am praying to God he does not bring Jen.

Ron's full of surprise, so...

That's facts.

You never know.

Ron is full of surprises.

♪♪

[Nino] I'd rather play the [bleep] radio, you know?

[bleep] the piano.

♪♪

Man of the hour. How you holding up?

I'm good, man. I'm just trying not to--

trying not to break down.

This is your night, man.

Yeah, this is amazing.

I'm so excited to get this day going.

♪ It's gonna be a good time ♪

[Pauly D] Hi, Meena. Hey, guys. Hey, Meena.

There was a lot of planning that went into this wedding.

I couldn't be more excited, and nothing could drag me down.

I'll straighten you up again before you go down the aisle,

so you don't have to worry.

Okay. Yeah, these fellas need a lot of help.

Ronnie, I just wanted to ask you something.

We're holding places for everybody downstairs.

I just wanna check and see. Is your "plus one" coming?

♪♪

Yeah, I think she's coming with my daughter.

Okay.

Good. Appreciate it.

All right, I'll come and get you guys in about ten minutes.

♪ D-D-D-Dangerous ♪

If this turns into any drama between Ron and Jen,

like, I don't know if I can ever, like, forgive them.

Like, this is Mike's day.

It's his wedding day. Not today.

Today would ruin all of our friendships.

♪ Oh oh oh ♪

♪ Love is dangerous ♪

Congratulations. You may kiss your bride.

[cheering and applause]

Whoo!

[Ronnie] What are you doing, bro?!

[Pauly D] It's a [bleep] party right now, and we're doing it real big!

[Nicole] Why is she here?

[Jenni] Shut up. What the [bleep]?

I'm scared!

[Deena] Oh, my God. Here we go.

♪♪