03x12 - Snooki Goes to Washington (Part 1)

[bunniefuu]

- His name's not even Vinny no more.

It's just... Vinny. - It's like, not happy.

- [laughs] Damn! - Whoa!

- [bleep] this guy's gonna get depressed.

- I'm sorry. He's already depressed.

- [bleep]

- MALE REPORTER: The "Jersey Shore's" Michael Sorrentino

is reporting to prison today.

He'll begin serving an eight-month sentence

after pleading guilty to tax evasion late last year.

- It's really not the same, honey.

Just take me to jail.

- Yeah, buddy!

- Party's here!

- "The Situation" is under construction.

- This might not have been the best idea.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frick out of here, you crazy!

- Ah, hello?!

- ♪ Here I come

♪ Here I come

- ♪

♪ All I need is my wings to fly ♪

♪ Let's get this money, let's get at these hoes ♪

♪ Work hard, play hard, like it's our time ♪

♪ Let pop them bottles, let's slip out our dreams ♪

♪ Let's spread our wings to kiss the sky ♪

- Three single guys hitting the town tonight, yeah.

- Oh, you and Angelina--

- Yeah. - [chuckles]

- When's the last time we picked up girls on the boardwalk?

- Bye, J, love you.

- JENNI: I love you. See you.

- DEENA: Everyone's going out tonight.

But I do have to head home early to see my little man CJ.

Have fun.

This trip was a little rocky in the beginning.

Bye, guys. Love you.

- Bye, see you. - DEENA: See you later.

But definitely ended perfect.

- PAULY D: Cabs are here!

Let me get my blow horn.

Hey, guys, I told you!

The cabs are here! The cabs are here!

It's literally right here!

The cab is here!

Cabs are here!

- VINNY: It's our last night on the shore.

It's been real. We've had our ups and downs.

But we're gonna try our best to live it up,

have a couple of drinks, and have some fun.

- Where are we going right now?

- What is it really called? Johnny Mess?

- Yeah, it's called Johnny Mess.

- What do you think? - Who is that?

- My friend Jessica.

- So hot. - Bring her in.

- Tell her to come. - I'm gonna tell her right now.

- She's gorge.

- Woo!

My friend's almost here. She'll be here in minutes.

Do you know Pauly D? He's a big deal.

- Cheers! - ALL: Salute!

- Yo, these girls-- does she have a Snapchat?

- Let me see if I can show you her picture.

So listen, I used to be a [bleep] block years ago.

All the wh*res, shut up!

Yo, guys, like, are we gonna, like, hang out inside or what?

Talking to a girl that AKA was married.

- Don't worry about what the [bleep] I'm doing!

- Now I'm the official wingwoman.

That's her.

- Oh yeah, she should stop by.

- ANGELINA: So I am inviting my friend Jessica to hang out

tonight because I swear, like, I'm a psychic like my grandma.

I'm like, Pauly and her? Perfect match.

- NICOLE: I'll play.

And I swear I'm good. I'm very athletic.

- [unintelligible]

- Woo!

That's a point for me, man! Woo!

- [laughs] - Yeah! Booyah!

- [laughs]

I always like a drunk Snooki.

- [growls] - [laughs]

- What the [bleep]?

So I'm excited to see what this b*tch turns into

after all these shots kick in.

Here's to puking again.

Cheers. - Yas!

Come on, guys.

Let's-- let's dance for a little bit.

Woo!

- ♪

- I think that's a streak.

- [barks]

- WOMAN: Just tell me--

- I'm drinking a wine. Let me finish.

Woo!

- ♪

- [screaming] - Oh, here it is!

- ♪

- [shouts]

It's good wine.

- Is your friend ever coming? - Yeah, she's coming now.

- ♪

- Hi. Love you.

- ANGELINA: What's up? That's Pauly.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.

- Vinny. - Nice to meet you.

- Ronnie. Ron. - Hi.

- How are you? Nice to meet you.

- So happy you're here, my love. Sit right there.

- ANGELINA: You want a drink?

- PAULY D: Angelina? First of all, you cheated.

That's not the same friend in the picture.

This girl looks nothing like her picture.

- ANGELINA: What do you want?

- No, it's fine. I don't think it's weird.

You're not weird. Don't worry about it.

Sit!

- I'm good. You sit. You sit.

I'll stand. - I'll get you a drink.

- [laughter]

- What the [bleep]?

Angelina is trying to get her friend to talk to us,

but yet she doesn't wanna be around us.

It's awkward.

- What do you want? I'll get you a drink.

- Oh, goodness.

Basically, Angelina catfished us.

And I'm like, that's the wrong show, right network.

[laughs]

You can have this one. I'ma get the next one.

- [laughter]

- Anyway, it was a disaster.

Angelina, keep your friends at home.

[chuckles]

- So, are we having an after party or what?

- Oh, no, it's okay.

- It's a big fat no?

- Yeah, it's okay. - Alright.

- [laughs]

- Toodles!

We're leaving. - Well, we out?

- I gotta go pee. - I'll help you go pee.

- I'm so embarrassed.

Like, I really wanted to set them up.

- When she walked in, I was like, damn,

that's perfect for Vinny. I was like, wow.

- But then she was like, listen, like, Pauly's the one.

And I was like, you know what? She's right.

- PAULY D: Oh, I appreciate that, but, like--

- 'Cause I get it. - I've actually watched it.

Like, I've lived with you looking for love.

And now I-- you found it tonight.

And I'm happy for you. - I get it.

- I want you to be that man.

Like, I'm gonna be at the wedding and everything.

- ♪ Call it a day

♪ I'ma call it a day

- I'm so happy for you, bro.

- [laughter]

- PAULY D: I'm glad you found love, though.

'Cause they say you find it when you're not looking for it.

And boom, today it walked right in the bar!

- ♪ Wake up, make money

♪ Get turnt in it

♪ Call it a day

♪ Call it a day

- What's up, buddy?

- I had fun last night on the bar.

- Yas, queen.

- What does your shirt say? - "Nonstop."

- RONNIE: I'm looking at Pauly's shirt.

And I'm like...

it's bothering me.

Well, can I do something to your shirt?

It's been bugging me all morning.

- Okay.

- Shouldn't it say "Nonstop"?

- You used to work at a t-shirt shop, huh?

- RONNIE: [laughing] Yeah. - VINNY: I can tell.

- I'm like, it says "Nonstop."

But it's a "Shore" house, so it has to say--

- Ron, stop! - [laughter]

- Ron, stop!

- Ron, stop! Ron, stop!

- [laughter] - I had a good time.

- I had such a good time,

especially the first night when we all--

- Let's erase that night! - --k*lled each other.

- We're erasing that. - I enjoy those moments.

It's been a little short, wild ride.

And I had a great time.

Got a little stuff off my chest.

Almost k*lled Angelina. So it's a success.

Why can't we enjoy it? - I almost got k*lled.

But, no, we needed to do that, I feel.

- PAULY D: We did it again.

Got together on the shore and nobody died.

- Nobody got arrested this time. - PAULY D: I miss Mike, though.

- Yeah, it's not the same without him.

- PAULY D: I know.

- Oh, damn. [laughs]

That's gonna be fun, all the jail jokes?

- RONNIE: I know.

- Hopefully this is the last trip we take together

without Mike.

I want the next trip we do to be the entire family.

- Getting out of here. - Bye, I love you.

- Bye, babe. - Bye.

Thank you so much. - I love you.

- I love you, too. Drive safe.

See you next time.

- I'm in a car seat!

I need a pacifier and a [bleep] bottle back here.

- NICOLE: You're my toddler.

- JENNI: Back to being a mom.

- ANGELINA: Ooh, ooh, this is not comfortable.

Mm-mm. This thing's up my a*s.

- You should be used to that.

- Well, that was fun. - Mm-hmm.

- PAULY D: Until next time, guidos out.

- ♪ Drifting away

♪ 'Cause if we can't trust

♪ How can we love

♪

- [cell phone rings]

- [birds chirping]

- Why are you so pretty right now?

You look beautiful.

- Thank you. So do you.

- What's going on? - I am calling, telling you

that Mike will be a free man in hours.

- Shut the [bleep] up! Really?

- Yeah. - Oh, my god!

Yes! - [laughs]

- Like, literally tonight we should all get together.

- That's true. - So whoever's not in New Jersey

needs to get their a*s here if they wanna see him today.

- Yay! I'm gonna, like, call all the roommates,

and I'm gonna have them all sleep over.

And we're gonna be just, like, totally on standby,

waiting for Mike to get out. Like, we will sit here--

- LAUREN: Are you kidding? - Oh, no, I'm not kidding.

Like, I am gonna have these [bleep] in the house waiting.

Since I'm the closest to Lauren's and the jail,

we'll have a big sleepover.

We all need to be here for when Lauren gets the call.

Oh my god, I'm so excited.

- I'll talk to you soon. - I love you. Bye.

Ah!

- I'm gonna [bleep] do what Kim Kardashian did.

- VINNY: What, make porn?

- No, go to [bleep] Washington DC and go to the president.

- Let's go!

- Let him out!

- ALL: DC! - Woo!

- Oh, there's the pointy thing!

- We can do anything. We can conquer the world.

- We are about to free Sitch, b*tches!

- Are we gon-- - Ow!

- [laughs]

- ♪ Oh

♪ Oh

- Off to Jenni's house we go.

- ♪ Here we come, here we come ♪

♪ Here we come, here we come

- RONNIE: It's a big deal. It's been...

how many months since we've seen him?

I can't believe he's getting out, but it's happening.

- I cannot believe it. - You know, it's happening.

- VINNY: When I read these texts from Jenni

that Mike is getting out, I am so happy.

Knowing that this is almost done feels so good for us as a group.

Unfortunately, we're missing Pauly right now.

He's not coming until tomorrow.

Hopefully we'll all be together when Mike gets out.

- I'm really excited for him to get out.

- Same. - You have two kids.

- There's, like-- there's two new babies.

- Two, like-- - Two new lives.

- Two new little humans.

- ♪ Here we come, here we come ♪

♪ Here we come, here we come

- VINNY: It's crazy that we're moving into Jenni's new house.

You better not mess up her bathroom, bro.

- She got new plumbing. It's supposed to be a new house.

- My roommates for the first time get actual fresh sheets,

I'm just saying.

Danny would never do that [bleep] for anybody.

- ♪

- All my roommates are moving into my house,

which is really [bleep] exciting

and frightening as hell at the same time.

I just really hope my house, brand-new [bleep] house,

that is not even finished yet,

doesn't burn down in the process.

This one looks so cute for either...

Vinny or Nicole.

Perfect size.

Someone's gonna sleep in Meilani's bed.

I don't need the baby doll.

Then I got blow-ups ready.

I can already see that Angelina's gonna have a problem

sleeping on the floor.

Just jazz it up a little.

So, wish me luck.

I feel like we're good.

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

- I'm gonna treat it like my [bleep] kids

and put little snackies out.

- ♪

- [doorbell rings]

- Hello, neighbor. - Oh, ah!

What's up? How are you?

- Classy with the wine.

- Oh, I got a box wine for us since last time,

you almost k*lled me with a wine bottle.

Me and Jenni have been through ups and downs.

Just, you know, almost k*lling each other with wine bottles.

- I swear to [bleep], b*tch.

I swear to [bleep]--

- [shouting]

- Oh!

- ANGELINA: After everything we've been through,

she's actually inviting me to her house, which is so nice.

This is exactly what I needed.

And this is exactly what I wanted.

- I feel like this could still do damage.

- Anything can do damage with you.

- [laughing] No. - Yes.

- Boxed wine is worse than a bottle.

That [bleep] is heavy.

It's like getting hit by a [bleep] brick.

- I have to inform you that I'm on a very strict diet.

- Are you keto? - No.

So I'm doing-- did you ever hear of HCG?

- Yeah, that's like restricting down to calories.

- No, .

- Oh, Mylanta. - .

I want to shred for the wedding.

So me and Chris decided to go on this special diet.

- You're injecting it?!

- Look at what I did already. Look.

Come here, wait. - ANGELINA: Oh, my god.

Come here. - You're on steroids?

- ANGELINA: I don't know what the [bleep] I'm on right now.

All I know is it's FDA approved.

- [blows raspberry] - And I'm on it.

- What the [bleep] diet is Angelina on,

is what I want to know. It sounds like a starvation diet

with a [bleep] weird steroid injection.

- I literally-- I need this.

- [grunts] - Got it?

- Oh, goodness gracious.

- Just walk in. We don't knock.

- It's so good. Hello?

- Hello? - NICOLE: Hi!

- Hi! - We're here!

- Hi! - Hello.

- Oh!

- Thank you for having us. - Yeah, thank you.

- Yes, thank you. - Ooh!

You guys look-- [unintelligible].

- Wait, so you trust everyone in your house?

Your brand-new house?

- I trust you guys. I love you guys.

- NICOLE: I'm honestly very surprised that Jenni's

inviting us to her new house.

We're animals when we live together.

Mike, I'm not kidding! - [glass shattering]

- Whoa! - ALL: Whoa!

- This is the best "Shore" house we ever had!

- [laughter]

- [cork pops] - Ahh!

Best noise ever.

- Just starve yourself and drink.

- Heavy pours, heavy pours.

- Cheers to Jenni for letting us stay in your beautiful mansion.

I can't wait to see your butler. - And cheers to Mike.

- And to Mike to getting out. - To Mike getting out!

- Free Sitch!

- We miss you. - Free Sitch!

- Y'all, six pack!

This whole trip is about Mike.

And he's getting out tomorrow.

And we can be a whole unit again.

Ew, Unit, remember him?

You're so annoying, Unit. Like, who are you?

- Whatever. Do you want me

to tell you about yourself? - No, stop, stop.

- If you didn't have Mike, you'd be a [bleep] loser.

I hated him.

- VINNY: I can fit one car in my garage.

- RONNIE: Oh my god, where are we?

You rich rich? - [laughs] I think so.

- What the-- is this a bank we're going?

[laughs]

- [doorbell rings]

- The boys are here. - Who is that?

- Wait, do you wanna go on the other side?

- Oh my god, are you scaring them?

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- They're trying to hide and scare us.

I can see you through--

- I can see you through the glass.

- We can see you through the glass door.

- Hi! Oh, [bleep]!

- RONNIE: She even answers her own door.

- Where's the, um, bellhop?

- [laughter]

- Where's the butler? - Where's the valet?

- Does this place come with a map or--

I'm looking around. I'm like, holy [bleep]!

- How was your flights?

- Good. - This house is giant.

- Welcome to the mansion.

- You guys have a map? - Yeah, what is going on?

Do I need a wristband for this place?

But I'm proud of Jenni. She does work hard.

Are you sure you want us here? - Yeah.

- She's been through a lot of [bleep] last year,

with her ex-husband and stuff.

And I'm glad that she was able to move forward,

especially for the kids.

Only boxed wine? - I had to.

- All Namaste, happy thoughts.

Mike's getting out of prison.

- Woo!

- We've been drinking. - Sounds about right.

- Are you hungry? - Sure. What do you got?

- I don't know what these guys eat anymore.

- We're gonna lose weight on this vacation.

- He's keto. She's HCG.

- Way to [bleep] rat me out right away, guys!

- Wait, human growth hormone? - Wait, growth hormone?

Your [bleep] are gonna get so much bigger.

- You guys are disgusting.

- JENNI: Of course, five minutes with all my roommates

and the conversation gets weird.

- She's gonna give us a tour or--

- Where's Ron's [bleep] bathroom?

Down here? - Yes, Ron's [bleep] bathroom.

- Ron, you can only-- - My portable--

- --do poops down here.

- I'm going right to your bathroom now, Nicole.

- You have over--

- Just so you have to clean it again.

- If you have to poop--

Ron gets his own wing of the house,

so if he does [bleep],

it's only gonna affect that side of the house.

- Thank you. This is nice.

- There has not been a house that has survived Ron's a*s.

And I'm praying that mine does.

- I can roll out of bed and just-- [makes fart noise]

- Oh my god. - [makes fart noise]

- ♪

- NICOLE: I feel old.

Do you ever feel that, when you open a bottle of wine?

- I feel-- - [bleep] [bleep]

- ♪ I wanna see you shake it, shake it ♪

♪ I wanna see you move your body ♪

- Hey, gas? Ah! Okay.

- Jenni, I got your glass.

- Do you have a pool in your backyard?

- No, I need to do my backyard yet.

- And she has a full-blown tennis court.

- I used to play some tennis. - I love tennis!

- Come on, Dee, let's try it.

- Serena!

- [laughs] [bleep]

- Woo! - JENNI: See? You k*lled it.

- What's the other girl's name?

- Vanessa. No, Venus.

- Venus?

Either Venus or Vanessa.

- Venus! - Venus, really?

- JENNI: Yeah, like the razor.

- DEENA: Venus!

Like Venus Flyswatter!

Venus Flyswatter! - Venus! [bleep]!

- Dee, get it!

- [shouting]

- [laughs] - I gotta go pee!

- The [bleep]? Yo, we got four girls outside.

How are we stuck cooking?

- Get it, Dee!

- [laughter]

- Alright, let's just get more wine.

- At the end of the day, me and Jenni [bleep] crushed it because

you don't [bleep] with SnookWoww.

- Thank you, guys, for cooking.

- GUYS: You're welcome. - If there's anything else

you would like, we have a request box by the door.

- Cool.

- Oh my god, I miss Mike.

- Me too. - Same.

- Just imagine what that first step feels like, like,

looking at the outside world. - He's gonna run.

- I can't imagine what he's feeling like.

Imagine!

- The anticipation leading up to it, though.

- Imagine what that first smush feels like when he gets to--

like, he hasn't had sex in eight months.

When he [bleep], he's gonna flood a small country.

Lauren's talking about

how she wants to get pregnant right away.

Like, he hasn't had sex in, like, almost a year.

[bleep] Situations everywhere. - [cell phone ringing]

- Oh my god, [bleep] Lauren is calling me.

Holy [bleep]. - RONNIE: Oh, Lauren is--

- ♪

- Hi! - LAUREN: Hey, girl!

- VINNY: Greetings! - JENNI: Hi!

- Hey, Lauren! - Hi, Lauren!

- This is it. Like, it's happening right now.

Finally Mike is getting out of jail.

- Is there any news? - Yeah.

So basically I'm calling to say I have no update.

- What happened?

- LAUREN: They won't give him the date.

- They're giving you an issue. - LAUREN: Yeah.

It's like, I don't know when his release date is.

- Ugh!

- ♪

- ♪ Me and S Game at the X Games ♪

♪ Blowing up my phone playing text games ♪

- JENNI: Is there any news? - LAUREN: They have no update.

They won't give him when his release date is.

- [sighs] - LAUREN: Really frustrating.

I don't understand how there's no update at this point because

he's supposed to be home.

- I feel like he served most of his time.

- Yeah. - He served all of his time!

- RONNIE: Less than a month left, he would have.

- LAUREN: %. - DEENA: Right!

So, like, what the hell is the issue?

And he's been so awesome. I mean, come on.

- VINNY: It sounds like Mike is not gonna be getting out.

That's really disappointing. I mean, we all came here.

We're all waiting for Mike to get out.

So hearing the news just kind of deflates the group.

- Over it. I'm just--

- I can't imagine how you feel. - Mm-mm.

- Well, hopefully it's frickin' soon.

- Well, we love you. - LAUREN: Love you, too.

- And text me if anything changes.

- DEENA: We love you, Lauren!

- NICOLE: Love you, boo!

- RONNIE: Be good. See you soon.

- See you soon.

- VINNY: Bye, sis. - Alright.

That sucks. - DEENA: Oh my god.

- [bleep]!

- He's been in there for too long.

- Mm-hmm.

- I feel like they're gonna make an example out of him.

Listen, I'm ready to [bleep] do what Kim Kardashian did.

- VINNY: What? Make porn?

- No, go to [bleep] Washington DC and go to the president.

- Oh.

- If Kim Kardashian can get somebody out of jail,

why can't we?

Listen, Kim Kardashian went to the White House

and got people out of jail.

So I feel if we go down to DC, we make signs, we march...

there's a chance we can free The Sitch.

- If Kim Kardashian can get, you know,

Martha Stewart out of jail...

then so can we.

That's how I feel. - Yeah.

- Mike should be out of jail. - Same.

- And we're gonna make it happen.

- ALL: Free Mike! Free Mike! Free Mike!

- So get a private jet and we'll go to frickin' DC.

- To do private is super quick in and out of DC.

- Oh my god.

- What? - How did we get here?

- I'm just saying, if she can get somebody out of jail,

why can't we get somebody out of jail?

- Deena, that's a good idea! Let's do it!

- [laughs]

- You don't think we could do it?

- RONNIE: Deena's like, well, it can't be that hard.

Yeah, sure, and people also [bleep] go to the moon

and they run for the president

and they [bleep] find cures for [bleep] diseases.

No, it's not that hard. No, anybody can do it.

- We're gonna wake up and go to Washington.

- What do you do when you get there?

- We would like to know if we can talk to somebody

that Kim Kardashian talked to.

- VINNY: I think these women are possibly coming up with

the worst plan in the history of plans.

There is no plan.

You can't go to the White House.

There's, like-- there's a big fence around it.

- I'm gonna walk out to the knight at the gate.

- Wow.

- [laughs]

- The knight? It's not like "Game of Thrones."

- [laughs]

- Stop watching "Game of Thrones."

- [laughter]

- NICOLE: But we're going at the White House.

But if he sees reality stars outside, he'll let us in.

The president is a reality star.

We're reality stars.

Let my friend out of jail.

That's all.

- We're going to Washington DC, b*tches!

- VINNY: What makes this plan even worse is that it's being

come up with by a bunch of moms that just drank, like,

four bottles of wine.

- Free Sitch!

- Free Sitch! Free Sitch!

Don't be a b*tch.

- ALL: Free Sitch!

Don't be a b*tch.

Free Sitch!

- Free Sitch, b*tches!

- The Jersey girls!

- Free Boosie!

- I'm going to Washington!

- We're going to Washington.

- Stupidest-- - BOTH: Idea--

- I have ever heard. - Ever.

- And we've come up with stupid [bleep] ideas

[bleep] in "Jersey Shore" history.

And I'm like, this is just stupid.

- Like, have you met Ronnie?

See if they're gonna leave him in longer if you guys go there.

- Yeah, if you guys go, they might execute his a*s.

- ALL: We're taking off!

- Free Mike! - Free Sitch!

- Free Mike!

- You know what's gonna happen, right?

- What's gonna happen? - They're gonna go to jail.

- [laughter]

- Let him out!

- ♪ I'm so excited

- Woo! - DEENA: Free Sitch! Free Sitch!

We're going to Washington DC, b*tches!

Free Sitch!

- Alright, I'm gonna go to bed. - Love you.

- ♪ You lose control

♪ She got the touch

♪ That make you lose control

♪

- Alright, so what is your plan tomorrow?

Because-- - Yeah.

- DEENA: To free our friend.

- We're gonna make signs that are gonna say

"Free The Situation."

- "Free Sitch."

Don't be a b*tch!

- LADIES: Free Sitch!

- Don't be a b*tch!

- LADIES: Free Sitch!

- I don't know if you want to go there

with a sign that says "b*tch" on it.

I think it's the First Amendment, freedom of speech.

I don't know what amendment

freedom of stupidity falls under.

- As the political science graduate of the group--

- Chooch!

- [shouting]

- RONNIE: You [bleep] chooch!

You [bleep] chooch!

- Chooch!

- I'm telling you, this is not a good idea.

- Why isn't it a good idea, though?

- You're not gonna see him.

I think the girls think they can just walk up to the White House

and ring the front door.

They don't understand how government works.

Angelina, how many branches of the government are there?

- Um... - VINNY: How many branches?

- You have the Pentagon.

- [blows raspberry] [laughs]

- What do you mean, branches? In what sense?

- How many branches of the government are there?

- Like leaves? Like a tree?

- There's three branches of the government.

- Alright, so there's the-- there's the IRS.

- [blows raspberry]

- [laughs] - Brah--

- ANGELINA: No, I'm not kidding.

The IRS is part of the government.

- There's the executive, the legislative, and the judicial.

- What's the "judicinal"? What the [bleep] is that?

- VINNY: There's no hope for these girls in DC.

They don't know the branches of government.

Like, literally nothing.

No one knows anything about politics.

But hey, let's go to Washington DC!

- We're gonna do whatever we can to get Mike out.

- What if you had to [bleep] a guy?

- If I have to, you know-- - Cradle 'em.

- --take one for the team, then I'll do it.

- Whoa. - Wow.

I like Mike, but...

I wouldn't do that.

I guess Angelina should come with us.

- Vinny, what would you do if you were in our shoes?

Would you not go? - Yeah, not go.

- Not going's not gonna help him get out.

- I want to get my friend out of jail, not make it worse.

- I don't wanna be his cell mate.

I don't wanna be his roommate.

- VINNY: If anything, this plan just might cause more trouble.

The last thing we need is more attention, more of a circus,

for this prison to get mad.

We don't Mike's warden mad at the situation-- literally.

- Listen, we're fine, everybody.

- We're great. We're fine.

We're better than fine. We're great.

- We'll make it happen.

- VINNY: Wow! - RONNIE: Whoa!

- [laughs] - Oh my god!

- [laughter]

- VINNY: There goes Jenni's house.

- RONNIE: Just don't do that when you get there

and you guys will be alright.

- Alright, let's go. Come on.

- Good night! I'm going to sleep.

- VINNY: Good luck! - RONNIE: Good luck!

- I think Pauly would agree to keep this a girls' trip.

- We should call Pauly and let him know.

- VINNY: Give him a head's up.

Pauly's not coming until tomorrow.

But he needs to know exactly what he's about to walk into.

- Hi, Vinny.

- So our girl roommates

are going to Washington DC

protesting outside the White House--

- They're gonna what?

- [laughter]

- They're gonna go to Washington DC and try to free Mike.

It sounds like a good plan, right?

- It sounds like they're gonna get arrested.

- That's what I said! - That's what we just said!

This is what you're walking into.

They were a little drunk tonight.

Maybe if they sober up in the morning, they might not do it,

unless they just stay-- keep drunk and--

- RONNIE: They'll probably just keep getting drunk.

- If they stay drunk, they're gonna keep going.

- PAULY D: Only in our house.

What a country.

I'm not too sure that these girls are the right people

to go to the White House.

All I can picture is, like,

Snooki and Deena holding up these signs.

And then all of a sudden,

the Secret Service come and snatch them up.

And Nicole being like,

"I'm a good person! Where's the beach?"

- I'm a [bleep] good person!

Where's the beach?!

- [laughter]

- Alright, brah, see you tomorrow.

- Later.

- Mike, if you're stuck in there for four more months,

this is why. - Blame your girls.

God help us all.

- ♪ Some call me crazy

♪

- Don't be a b*tch. Free Sitch.

- I'm so hungover from last night.

- I'm okay.

- Good morning, ladies!

- LADIES: Good morning!

- Are you ready to go see the president?

- Yas! - Oh.

- ♪

- Oh, hey, Ron. - That was quick.

You guys freed Mike already?

- [laughter]

- So what?

You guys are leaving us the house to ourselves?

- VINNY: Yeah, [unintelligible]. - I didn't think that through.

- Hotties.

- The only apprehension I have right now is that

the boys are gonna be in my house...

alone, unsupervised.

Don't burn the house down.

I just pray Pauly lands really [bleep] early so he can oversee

the assholes in my house, 'cause I have no idea

what the boys are capable of being alone in my house.

- Does Meilani and Greyson have poster boards or anything that--

- Alright, I got all that supplied.

- DEENA: So let's bring that. - Mm-hmm.

- And we'll bring markers. - Yes.

And we can make-- - JENNI: Glitter.

- Make signs. - We'll make signs.

- I'm gonna write [unintelligible].

- JENNI: Literally?

- Yeah, and hold it to the White House.

Honestly, I'm really excited to go to DC.

We're gonna make a difference.

- ♪ Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum ♪

- And I don't care if really don't speak to Donald Trump.

But we're gonna make noise!

We'll just put it in, like, a garbage bag.

- A garbage bag?

We're going to Washington DC and we're gonna be walking around

with a garbage bag?

I feel like they'll think it's a b*mb.

- Poster boards, check.

So we'll do all this stuff on the plane.

Snacks, check.

- Pretzels. - Baggie chips.

- Do you have Ziploc bags?

- Drinks, check.

- I need juice. It's gonna be a hot day.

- Our "Free Sitch" shirts, check.

- This is happening.

- Okay. Are you sure?

- I feel like we're good. Let's go.

- We're about to go free The Sitch.

- JENNI: Are you sure you're ready?

- Free The Sitch! Free The Sitch!

- Guys, don't be a b*tch.

- ALL: Free Sitch!

[louder] Free Sitch!

- VINNY: Bye!

- LADIES: Bye! - Love you!

- Wish us luck! - Worst idea ever!

- What are these girls doing today?

Don't do this. Don't go to Washington.

- Bye, b*tches! Don't [bleep] up my house!

- Mike's going to jail for longer.

- Mike is never getting out now.

- The private airport, please.

We're executives for the judicial branch.

- ♪

♪ You wanna fly high, you can fly with me ♪

♪ You wanna fly high, you can fly with me ♪

- Wait, I can't believe we're going on a jet.

- Oh my god. Hi!

- Good afternoon. Captain Joe Fontana.

- Hello, Captain.

- How experienced are you? I have three kids.

- We're going to free our friend.

- Yes. - He's in jail.

- So we are going to talk to the president.

- Yup. - Of the United States.

- Of America.

- ♪ I'm awesome, you can't stand it ♪

♪ I'm awesome, you can't stand it ♪

- Oh, this is cool!

- Hi!

Ooh!

Ooh!

- Ooh!

We're bougie! - So bougie!

- NICOLE: The fact that we're going on a fancy jet, I'm like,

we need champagne. We need wine.

I want cheese and crackers.

- Can I get you anything to drink other than wine?

- Yes. Do you open this?

- Do you mind opening our champagne, please?

- I want to do it all, because I see Cardi B flying,

and I feel like I want that, 'cause I--

I don't fly on a private jet.

- ALL: Cheers to Mike!

- Yeah!

- The Sitch! - Free Sitch!

- ♪

- Thank you, my friend. - No, thank you.

- [knocking]

- Hello?

- Yo!

- Where the hell are ya?

- I'm in here!

- So cool. - VINNY: Hey, babe.

I've been waiting for you.

- You've got a vanity mirror! Sick!

It's so good to see my boyfriend.

I miss him every single time I see his keto a*s.

Oh, she put you in the dungeon.

- [laughter]

- PAULY D: Ronnie has his own quarters in this house.

It's like the dungeon.

They're keeping him away from everything.

I think Jenni don't want him to [bleep] up his bathroom.

- The girls dead a*s took a private jet, okay?

- What?

- They sent me the picture of it.

- 'Cause they wanna get Mike out of jail.

- Free Boosie! - Look at that [bleep].

- PAULY D: So the guys called me,

telling me the girls were gonna go to DC to protest

to get Mike out.

I'm like, yeah, that's a drunken thought.

Never did I ever think that would actually happen.

- Private jet. - Oh my god, they got wine?

- Oh, they did. - They're hot [bleep] messes.

This is not good.

You can't bring alcohol to the White House-- I've tried.

- [laughter]

- JENNI: Reporting live from Washington DC, we have a Snooki,

a JWoww, Angelina, and a Deener!

All outside the White House trying to ask for Donny.

- Somebody call the cops!

- Oh my god, it's happening!

- Get your belts on!

- So let me get this straight.

They left New Jersey on a private jet to go to DC

to do what, exactly?

- They don't know-- - Free Mike?

- We are making history, b*tches.

- Yeah!

I can't wait to get drunk.

- They're making these banners to protest to the president

outside the White House so they'll let him out.

- Let him out!

- ALL: We're taking off!

- Free Mike! - We're drinking!

- Free Mike! Free Mike, b*tches!

- Yes!

- You know what's gonna happen, right?

- They saw that Kim Kardashian got people out of jail.

So that's what they're trying to do.

- Eh...

- What's gonna happen? - They're gonna go to jail.

- [laughter]

- ALL: Free Sitch!

- Woo!

- ♪ My swag on

♪ And my inbox swellin'

♪ They see I have the beans

♪ At the moment, they hate me

♪ So I tell 'em

♪ Listen, no, no

♪ Hey, that's a no no

♪ Oh, that's a no no

- Yo, I like these long doors.

- Bro.

- RONNIE: You see the horses? - Horses in the back.

- [laughter]

- Oh, yo!

- [laughter]

- Pauly, we're gonna take you on the horseback tour.

- [Southern accent] Oh, I love a horseback tour

this time of year!

We have full rein with Jenni's house.

- Yo, mine's broke.

- You gotta lift your a*s up.

- Oh, go! Yeah!

- [laughter]

- We have so many toys and so much room for activities.

- VINNY: Alright, this is the dining room.

- PAULY D: I always wanted a horse.

- [laughter]

- VINNY: This is the kitchen.

- Wow, this is how you know you're rich.

You know what I'm saying?

- This is Zack's chair, where he eats.

- This is Zack's horse I'm riding.

- Yo, my horse is sniffing your horse's butt.

- The horseback tour.

- Usually Ronnie does horse wh*res.

- [laughter]

- Now it's a horse store.

- That's a horse of a different color!

See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!

- [laughter]

- Oh my god, what's happening?

- Whoa!

- [shouting]

- I don't feel right. - Oh [bleep]!

- You're not vomiting on a plane.

Mike totally better appreciate this 'cause he has no idea

what I am going through--

- [screaming]

- --to get to Washington DC with these assholes.

- [screaming]

- Oh, [bleep] no!

- Ooh, a snack!

Also, more champagne.

- ♪

- This is so cool.

- RONNIE: Wait, why does she have guys' suits?

- ALL: Whoa!

- Hold on a minute!

- Well, damn!

Zack is really up in this b*tch.

When your pink flower shirt is here, you've moved in.

Usually you have, like, a pair of boxers, a t-shirt.

- And he has all the same jeans.

- He's officially moved in.

- But it's a wing of the closet.

- [laughs]

- Does this guy wear anything else besides suits?

- Does he wear suits when they have sex?

- I don't know, but I bet somebody wear this.

That's the wig she wore at the wedding.

- Sick wig! - It's that hair, I can't.

You're really gonna do that?

- PAULY D: Whoa, you look gorgeous.

[laughs]

- [glamorous music]

- PAULY D: Oh my god!

- VINNY: This is not the first time

I've been in Jenni's drag, okay?

Oh, hey, boo!

- What the [bleep] is that?

This is the perfect woman! - [bleep]!

- Grab her buns!

- VINNY: Jenni is in Washington DC.

But JWoww is back in action, baby.

- Hey, babe.

Come-- come here!

- [laughter]

- Acting like we're in Vegas!

- [laughter]

- He definitely grabbed my a*s. I didn't grab his.

- [laughs]

- I was blacked out. I don't [bleep] know.

- PAULY D: Thank god that we finally know

what went down in Las Vegas.

[laughs] - He's got a lot of suits.

I don't even own this many suits.

I think he wears the suits to [unintelligible].

- I wonder if this is how Vinny's condoms fit.

- [laughs]

- [unintelligible] goes like this.

He looks like this.

- Hello, Jenni.

- [laughter]

- PAULY D: Jenni's gonna k*ll us!

- ♪ Let me see it, let me see it, let me see it ♪

♪ No, let me see it, let me see it ♪

- Whoa!

- We're in DC!

- [cheering]

- Party and protest! - Party!

- Do you mind if we take our champagne flutes?

And then we'll bring them back?

- We'll bring them back, we swear.

Do rich people usually do that?

- No.

Probably not.

- Free Sitch!

- Not only did we land in a private plane,

we're going onto a party bus.

- ♪ Let's get 'em

- [screaming]

[screaming]

- ♪ Yeah, we balla, balla, balla ♪

- [screams]

- Sir? Excuse me, we have wine flutes?

- Yeah. Calm down.

- Oh, there's the pointy thing!

- What is it called? - What is that?

- The Leaning Tower of Pisa? - Woo!

- [buzzer]

- [cell phone rings] - VINNY: Hello?

- Vin! - Hey, Vin!

- How's my house? - We made it!

- VINNY: Are you in Washington?

- We are in Washington DC.

- Wasted! - Wasted as hell!

- VINNY: Did you free Mike yet?

- No, not yet. - We haven't get there yet.

- We are on the party bus heading--

- [cheering]

- Heading to--

- Whoa-hoa-hoa-hoa-hoa!

- VINNY: You're already making progress!

- I hate you!

We're the only ones that are doing anything.

And you're sitting at home like [bleep] lump on a log.

- Ooh!

- I'm getting annoyed.

Freaking Vinny, what are you doing?

What are you gonna do to get Mike out of jail?

Bye.

- Bye, Keto, you frickin' non-guido.

- Keto Non-Guido.

- He's probably so uptight and so miserable

because he hasn't eaten in a decade.

- No, he's not a guido, by the way.

- No, he is literally-- - He's a hipster.

- ♪

♪ Give it all you got

♪ You gon' get it

- Free Sitch!

We don't even need a plan B, because plan A's gonna work.

We're gonna go to the White House.

- We're in Washington DC!

- We're gonna get people to friggin' chant "Free Sitch."

- Yeah!

- Free Sitch! Free Sitch!

We got this [bleep].

Free Sitch! - Oh, it's hot as ba*ls out!

- What could go wrong?

- We have to figure out how to get there.

We'll ask people.

- I have no idea what the address is

to the freakin' White House.

- How do you get to the White House?

- How do we talk with Donald Trump?

- No. - Oh, pardon, okay.

- Where's the White House?

- I feel like we're going away from the White House.

- Do you know where the White House is?

- How do we get to the White House?

- The White House is right here.

- Yes. - Woo!

- Free Sitch! Free Sitch!

- LADIES: Free Sitch!

Free Sitch!

- [buzzer]

- ANGELINA: Wow, this is really happening.

Finally we're in the Washington DC, White House.

- LADIES: Free Sitch! Free Sitch!

- This is insane.

- LADIES: Free Sitch! Free Sitch!

Free Sitch! Free Sitch!

- "Genius of finance." Oh.

- [dinging]

- Oops! I don't [bleep] know.

- I think we made an impact.

As women, we're gonna make a change.

Can I have another champagne?

Team Kuka. Women power!

- Yo, Team Kuka!

- NICOLE: We can do anything. We can conquer the world.

Hi, our friend's in jail. We're trying to get him out.

He did nothing. - JENNI: Facts.

- Do you wanna join our protest?

- We're trying to get Mike "The Situation" out.

- b*tches, get up, let's go.

- Do you know Mike "The Situation"?

- [cheering]

- Finally we found people that wanna free The Sitch.

- Ooh, it's right there!

- [presidential music]

- It's kind of far. - We're so far.

- It's really far. - Can we go over the barrier?

- No. - It says, "Do not enter."

- I work here! I was on "The Apprentice"!

I've been on "The Apprentice."

I did it with Arnold.

We're, like, really good friends.

I sat on his lap.

I sat on the [bleep] Terminator's lap.

I feel like Donald saw me on there

because it was the first season that he wasn't doing it.

So he definitely watched and was probably bitching about it.

Donald!

So he knows who I am.

[unintelligible]

- JENNI: Work it, work it.

- And plus, Donny loves women. Security's gonna be like,

there's b*tches outside, yelling.

- Free Sitch! Free sitch!

- He'll be like, let 'em in! They're b*tches!

- Kuka!

- I'm like, you sound [bleep] scary.

- Before today, I really didn't see myself as an activist.

Hey, guys! Are you down for the protest?

But I'm, like, frickin' k*lling it.

Hi. Do you-- do you, um...

I'm trying to make a movement here.

How do I get in there?

- [blows raspberry]

- Okay!

I'm so proud of myself.

We are about to free Sitch, b*tches!

Ow! - [laughs]

- Come on.

- [snorts] Are you okay?

- [laughter]

- Deener is like... - I don't know her.

- ...I'm fine. I'm fine!

- She's fallen for the White House.

- [laughs] She fell!

- No, I'm done.

I'm done.

- This is-- I'm [bleep] dead.

- Leave me alone.

- [laughs]

- Just leave me alone!

- [laughter]

- DEENA: Leave me alone.

- NICOLE: This is a disaster.

I mean, I love Mike, but we're so drunk.

[laughs] [snorts]

It's like, we're not gonna do any good at this point.

- I [bleep] fell and I hurt myself.

- [laughs]

So I'm so sorry, Mike and Lauren.

We shouldn't have drank so much [bleep].

She so fell on her face.

- Oh my god, so many wine.

- [gasps] Is that Secret Service?

- [siren wails] - Oh my god!

- We are gonna talk to the president.

And we are gonna get Mike out.

Where?! - Right there.

Oh my god. - Donald!

- PAULY D: Did Mike ever hit you back?

- He said, "I was supposed to be out today,

"but now my release date is under review.

because of something y'all did in DC?"

Question mark. - Get out of here!

- ANGELINA: No we did not! - What the [bleep], Angelina?

- ♪

♪

♪