03x14 - Only in Jersey

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Ohh ohh ohh ♪

♪ Ohh ohh ohh ♪

- Okay, honey. You're on.

- The "Jersey Shore's" Michael Sorrentino

is reporting to prison today.

- What a sin. Oh, my God. He looks sad.

- He will begin serving an eight-month sentence,

after pleading guilty to tax evasion late last year.

- There's really nothing to say, honey.

Just take me to jail.

♪ ♪

- Yo. Right here.

To Mike "The Situation." Free Boosie.

- A lifetime of events has happened

since Mike has been away.

- ♪ Now hold up, wait a second ♪

- We are parents to the cutest little boy.

- ♪ First place ♪

♪ I'm only coming in first place ♪

- Right now, I'm leaving

my longest retreat center, I like to call it.

Being there was more than I expected.

- ♪ Should've known in the first place ♪

- [laughs] - Hello, my love.

- I didn't want a relationship,

because I was so-- basically scorned,

but, like, I never thought

I was gonna find someone like him.

- ♪ No sir, no sir ♪

- ♪ Should've known in the first place ♪

- Jenni is obliviated-ly drunk, and all of a sudden,

I just feel this big hand just, like, right on me.

- ♪ Even my enemies say nothing ♪

♪ But good thing about me ♪

♪ Now hold up, wait a second ♪

♪ Hold up, hold up ♪

You're trying to grind me now.

- Grind me? Grind me? - Ahh!

- We've had our ups and downs.

We've gone through so much.

- We're in Washington, D.C.!

We're gonna do whatever it takes to get Mike out of jail.

- Free Sitch! all: Free Sitch!

- Donald.

- Doing these rides and games and [bleep]

makes me miss Mike.

- I know.

- It's not the same without him.

Mike has always been, like, a huge, integral part

of our group,

and no one thought that he was gonna do the whole time.

- ♪ Ohh ohh ohh ohh ♪

- ♪ Gotta get that money, man ♪

- And on September th, they have to let you go,

on that day. - I'm so sad.

I miss him.

- The comeback is always greater than the setback.

- Free BDS!

- Free Boosie! - Free Boosie!

- Free Boosie! - Free Situation!

- ♪ Get crazy, get wild ♪

♪ Let's party, get loud ♪ - Yeah, buddy!

- ♪ If you wanna have fun, then do something ♪

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- This might not have been the best idea.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

- ♪ If you wanna have fun, then do something crazy ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Everybody gets burnt, but I'm ♪

♪ I'm not havin' it ♪

♪ Nope, I'm not havin' it ♪

- Oh, that breaks my heart.

- I really wish he got out.

- These last couple days have been rough.

Mike thought he was getting out early.

- He will be a free man in hours.

- Shut the [bleep] up!

- We went to Jenni's house for a [bleep] adult sleepover,

and then we got confirmation that, you know,

Mike's release date is still September th.

- September th is still weeks away, but we can't leave yet.

- Maybe we should get Lo and go to the house.

Get her mind off it, 'cause she's probably stressing.

- She's very stressed. - We want Mike to know

that we're still here for him,

and that we're all looking out for Lauren.

- Let's go out. We're gonna have fun with her.

- Hey, Lauren.

- Hey. - You wanna come bowling?

- Legit? - Yeah. We're going bowling.

Come on. Take your mind off things.

- Yeah. Come on. Let's go. all: Yay!

- Come on. Let's go. - All right. Let's go bowling!

- Let's roll out. - I think this is gonna get

her mind off of Mike not coming out.

We're gonna have fun.

- I'm in that mood to snuggle on your boob.

- Oh, I want a boob snuggle.

- We're here. - Let's go bowling!

- Oh, there's a strip club right here.

- Really? - Centerfolds.

- Oh, let's go.

- Thanks, sir. - Centerfolds.

- Ooh. - There is a strip club

next door to this bowling alley.

Like, what a perfect bowling alley.

- Only in Jersey.

- ♪ So classy ♪

♪ Living like high rollers, that % ♪

- Can we do four merlots please?

- Sure.

- ♪ And we do it again ♪

♪ 'Cause we're the high rollers ♪

- Oh, Laurens is here. Hi, babe.

Thanks for coming.Mwah!

We love you. - Love you too.

- We're all here for you. - Hello, gorgeous.

- Mwah!

- Hi. - Hi.

How are you? - I'm better.

- Lauren is looking so skinny right now.

- You look friggin' phenomenal.

Oh, my God. She is waiting for Mike to get out.

Wow. Like, she's gonna bang him...

Laurens, you look really good.

A lot.

Pilates? You lost all that weight, girl?

- Pilates and--I'm sorry-- like, not eating any of this,

but I'm gonna indulge myself today.

- Yeah. You're allowed.

- What is Mike doing, for shred mode?

- All he does all day is work out.

- Is he legit a six-pack? - Yeah.

- No. - Yeah.

- Like, Situation back? - Yeah.

- That's so amazing. - He looks just like .

- No! I'm excited to see what Mike looks like,

because he has a six-pack.

He's like the old Mike, but, like, not a [bleep] douchebag.

- I didn't get in your business.

- [bleep] you. [bleep] you, Mike.

- I didn't! - Mike, I'm not kidding!

I need to go to jail to lose my baby weight.

Like, let's go. I'm not gonna pay my taxes.

- Gotta be really tough for Laurens, man.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- 'Cause this was a jail sentence for him

but also for her.

- We got over so many bad things,

and this is, like, the last, last piece.

When he's home, it's, like, done.

- ♪ It's gonna be a good day ♪

- I love the fact that Laurens is here.

Are we gonna [bleep] them up in bowling or what?

She can get a little of her frustration out.

Pauly, let's go.

- Hitting those pins, take her mind off of everything.

- Ready? - All right.

- On your mark. Get set. Go. - Go.

- Whoo!

- ♪ 'Round here every day is a gamble ♪

♪ How much do they expect us to handle? ♪

- That's what I'm talking about, baby!

- Do you have a bowling alley in your place?

- No I don't. - [laughs]

- Buddy. - Whoo!

- What the [bleep] was that?

- Whoo-ooh.

- Uh-oh. JWOWW.

- Ooh. - JWOWW!

- Hey! - Another strike.

- No. That doesn't count. - That's my girl!

- No. That doesn't count. - That's my girl!

- Yes, JWOWW! - That's my girl!

- The girls are better than the guys.

Sorry about that. - All right. I'm ready.

Listen, I'm a good bowler.

[exhales]

This is heavy.

Bring me out bowling.

I'll be a good time.

Damn it.

[quirky music]

b*tch.

[bleep].

Ugh! [bleep].

Piece of [bleep].

You know, I could have did better, but...

♪ ♪

All right, I got a little bit.

- Come on!

- What the hell? We're not on that lane.

- Now you get a [bleep] strike?

[bleep] now you get a [bleep] strike?

- Oh, my God.

- Now she gets a [bleep] strike?

- Oh, my God.

She did a split.

- She got a [bleep] strike in the dead lane.

- Split her pants too. - I can't walk!

- [laughs]

- Ahh!

- Cheated! Cheated! Cheated!

- Meatballs are very competitive.

- We're still gonna win.

- No. We're already [bleep] losing.

- You put us in a sport.

If we don't win, the whole world is over.

We need to do something.

Right? Let's get 'em.

- ♪ Right now ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ I ain't playing with 'em ♪

♪ Right now ♪

♪ Right now ♪

♪ Too turnt up ♪

♪ Right now ♪

- Yo, yo. This is-- this is ill*gal.

- It's not happening. - I need a ref.

- Ahh! Ahh!

- I'm gonna throw it in the gutter

if you don't let go of him.

This turns on to, like, football at the bowling alley.

- No! - Give us the ball.

Give us the ball. - Ahh!

- You're still not doing it Vinny.

Hell to the no, to the no, to the no.

- No!

- We're in a nice, fine family establishment,

and these guys are acting like maniacs.

- Ahh! - Oh, my God.

- And I'm just like, "When are we gonna get yelled at?

When are we gonna get yelled at?"

- Guys. - Oh, here he comes.

- Here he comes.

Here comes the owner. We're getting yelled at.

- Oh, my God. We're getting in trouble.

- Now they're running down the lanes.

They're dropping the ba*ls. - No!

- Guys, act normal. Act normal. Act normal.

- Shut up.

- I wouldn't even have let us in to begin with.

- Oh, he's sweating. He's mad.

[laughter]

- Ah! Ow.

- Oh. - Sorry, you okay?

- Oh, my God, Angelina got hurt.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- I know. I'm off.

- We've been kicked out of pretty much anything,

bars, clubs, but never a bowling alley.

- [laughs]

- Oh, my God. We're getting kicked out.

- Oh, my...

- Ah!

- All right, where's the exit? I'm out.

I'm embarrassed. - Let's go.

Can we go somewhere? - We gotta go to strip club.

We went been friggin' bowling tonight,

and wended up at the strip club.

- Free Stitch. Don't be a d*ck.

- Whoo! Yes.

- We got Snooki on the main stage.

- Get the [bleep] off my property.

I'm gonna call the cops. All this [bleep] [inaudible].

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. [bleep] you. Pay me.

- You're driving on my private property.

- $. Strawberry [bleep]. - Stop [bleep].

- We're fighting with the [bleep] ice cream man.

- Suck my [bleep].

- ♪ Find me in the hills doing bigger things ♪

- Ah! Ow.

- Oh. - Sorry. You okay?

- Oh, my God. Angelina's got hurt.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- All right, Where's the exit? I'm out. I'm embarrassed.

- Let's go. Can we go somewhere?

- I feel like there's a strip club next door.

- There is? - Why don't we go?

Nothing gets your mind off your friend

in prison like a strip club.

- Oh, my God. Those are, like, my coworkers.

- I know.

- Me and Pauly love a good stripper.

- Yeah.

- This is our thing. - I'm out.

As much as I want to go with my roommates

to the [bleep] my favorite place in the world...

- Yeah. Okay, Zack, b*tch.

- Like, I see what's going to happen.

- Stop. Nicole!

[upbeat music]

- And I'm like, "I'm not [bleep] babysitting

that at the strip club."

- I want to pee. - Oh, my...

- I'm pissing. - Like, once her eyes separate,

and the devil [bleep],

you know, and his drink comes out, I'm out.

- Whoa! - Oh, my God. Ow.

Now I'm nervous.

- I'm gonna get out of here. - Yep. All right.

- I'm gonna bring you back. - You gonna come?

- Yep. - I'm gonna go home.

- Okay. - I don't like dancing.

- I'm gonna take you back to my house.

- Let's go get a drink right now.

- I'm gonna get a drink too... - Yeah.

- If we're going to a strip club.

all: Yay!

- Strip club! Yay!

- So after the bowling alley, you know,

some people want to go home,

and some people want to look at t*tties.

- Do you see what's happening? We're leaving a bowling alley

with liquor walking to a strip club.

- With a stripper. - Only in Jersey.

- Let's go to a club! - I'm scared.

You boys go first.

- I feel like I'm not dressed for a strip club.

- ♪ I got hella Benz ♪

♪ And hella friends ♪

♪ ♪

- Hi.

♪ I pull up in that G hella ♪

♪ She got friends, we go friends ♪

♪ We got hella friends ♪

- I enjoy strip clubs.

I love a good stripper.

- Look at her. - Whoo!

So, Pauly, give me some singles.

Yes!

Smack her a*s. - Whoo!

- The strip club is fun,

because the girls are actually hot.

- Pauly.

We kind of have the place to ourselves.

- I need more.

- And, like, a twerking stripper

solves most problems in life.

- I love this place. - [laughs]

- ♪ Booty sliding down that pole ♪

♪ Girl you ain't no saint ♪

♪ Boot twerkin', I see you workin' ♪

♪ That's every single day ♪

♪ And I throwin' all this money in the sky ♪

♪ You gonna get paid ♪

- Can I throw it?

- ♪ All in my face ♪

- Deena does not know how to strip club.

- Excuse me.

I want to give that lady.

- Most people make it rain, slap asses.

But Deena's, like, so proper and, like, such, like,

a mom, she's just, like, handing strippers money.

- Thank you.

- "Here you go. Here you go. Here's a dollar for you."

- I think you're so pretty. - Thank you.

♪ ♪

- [bleep] that [bleep]. Make it rain, b*tch!

♪ ♪

- Big shout-out to the homey Vinny Guadagnino.

He's a stripper came down all the way from Las Vegas.

He wanted to check out the competition,

but he's loving it over here, at Centerfolds.

Vinny to the main stage.

Vinny to the main stage please. Vinny, let's go.

Thank you, man.

- Yay, Vinny!

- Vinny, they just called you to the main stage.

You want to do it?

- Not really. - Yeah, you're the main stage.

I can't get Vinny onstage,

- Nah.

- But Vinny's not the only one stripping. It's Nicole.

- ♪ I'm in the club ♪

- Whoo yes!

- We got Snooki on the main stage.

- ♪ I'm in the club till the sun comes up ♪

I don't think she can do that, right?

Snooki is feeling it right now.

[bleep] it.

- ♪ If you hit me up ♪

- This is the Snooki that I've been missing.

Excuse me, miss. How long have you worked here?

- Oh, my God. I'm so afraid to know

what they're doing right now.

- Nicole is--yeah. - Nicole is going to drink.

I am not dealing with that tonight.

Everyone, lock your doors.

[upbeat music]

- Take it off. - Whoo!

- Oh, looky there, yo.

- ♪ Yeah, that night's young ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ My money's on Nicole ♪

- That's how you flirt.

- On a garbage can.

- Only in Jersey do you twerk on trash cans in a strip club.

- Whoo!

[inaudible].

- See that garbage? - Yeah.

Nicole's dancing. Deena is giving out money.

We're having a meatball day right now

in the strip club, and it's fun.

We didn't even know how much we needed that,

'cause the whole stress of Mike not getting out, it was hard.

- Free Sitch! Don't be a b*tch!

Free Sitch!

Don't be a b*tch!

Free Sitch!

I miss my friend. Bye-bye.

[upbeat music]

- I love this place.

- Go! Go!

- What a hot mess.

We went friggin' bowling tonight,

and we ended up at the strip club till : a.m.

Wait. Why aren't we staying?

- Huh? - Why aren't we staying?

- 'Cause we're tired. We're ready to go.

- Oh.

- At this point, whenever I'm with these [bleep] I drink,

and I just, like--you know, it's a good time,

but my organs can't take Mike being in prison any longer.

Like, he needs to get out tomorrow.

I had such a good time.

- It was so fun. - I missed you guys.

- ♪ I ain't trippin' off these women ♪

♪ I don't care about who's missing ♪

♪ Only care about my business ♪

♪ Only got love for my mama ♪

♪ My [...], my rep is on ♪

- What the [bleep] is he doing? - Ah!

- ♪ All I care about is counting money ♪

♪ All I care about is counting money ♪

- Deener, you're going to bed? - Yes.

- Not me. Tonight was a fun night.

Are you going to bed? - I guess. Where you going?

- See you later. - Later sleeping with us.

- All right. - [laughs]

- I was kidding.

- I like tonight. - I can't believe you just

[inaudible]. - Vinny, tonight was fun.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, she's gonna hit you hard.

- Stop, yo. Get away from me. - Idiot.

- Whoa.

- Vinny...

I drank a lot, and Vinny is, like, so skinny,

I'm thinking to myself I could, like, push that kid around.

I could literally, like,

wrestle the [bleep] out of Vinny.

- Stop with Meilaini's toys. So Angelina starts,

like, fighting with me, like, play fighting.

What the [bleep]?

- But now, Angelina is on steroids.

- Are you on steroids? What?

- All I know is it's FDA approved, and I'm on it.

- Oh!

- You know, she's really giving it to me.

- Damn. This is how you guys foreplay?

- [bleep]

- [laughs]

- Oh, my God. What is going on?

They going at each other.

They are wrestling, punching, fighting,

but the weirdest thing about this is,

this is how people on Staten Island end up pregnant.

- You ain't winning, b*tch. We're gonna get it on.

- [laughs] - We're gonna get it on?

- It's so easy to see how much pent-up sexual energy

Angelina has right now. - Come on, Vinny.

- Come on what? She likes it. She likes the thing.

- I know.

Holy [bleep].

- Yo.

Oh, my God. I love it.

- [laughs]

You guys should just sleep together.

Get it over with.

- Let me up. Let me up, [bleep].

- Are you gonna stop?

- Bro, you guys have to just pound it out.

Get it over with, you know?

- How do we end this [bleep]?

- Say that you love me, and I'm your [bleep] b*tch.

- [laughs]

- I love you, and you're my b*tch.

- [laughs]

That was easy. - Yeah.

- You're my b*tch. Let go.

- Angelina. - No. [bleep] that.

- Yo, stop.

- [garbled]

- Oh, my God. This is crazy.

- So there's security here.

- Angelina, it's over.

- It's over. Stop. - Come on.

- Whenever you see a security show up,

you know that, like, a real fight is happening.

Security actually shows up

while Angelina is fighting me.

I'm so tired.

I can't get Angelina to stop fighting.

I'm getting scared now from her steroid stamina.

I have to do something.

- End it. End it.

- [farts]

- Oh, endgame!

That's his finishing move.

[makes fart noise]

[laughs] And he finished her.

She was, like, dead after that,

because it smelled like somebody died.

- Vinny, that's not fair! Vinny, you [bleep] idiot.

- Damn, grunt.

- ♪ I'm a boss and you can't stand it ♪

♪ I'm a boss and you can't stand it ♪

- Let me in, [bleep] idiot. - Get the [bleep] out of here.

- Don't break Jenni's door. Stop.

- Jerk-off.

- These steroids are [bleep] crazy.

This juice is real.

- ♪ We gonna wake up in the morning ♪

♪ We gonna wake up in the morning ♪

♪ We gonna wake up in the morning ♪

♪ We gonna wake up in the morning ♪

♪ I promise in the morning ♪

♪ I promise in the morning ♪

- You have to tell me all. - Oh, it was crazy.

Nicole? Next level, dude.

- How long have you worked here?

We were in a strip club last night. What goes on?

Get me out of Grayson's bed. I'm trashed.

All I remember is bowling,

and then there's t*tties in my face.

How did this happen?

- So this is the weirdest thing. Angelina.

She got super lit,

and then her and Vinny fought physically for, like, an hour.

- Shut the [bleep] up!

- It was like a full-on wrestling match.

Throwing each other all around the room.

Like, he almost threw me through a wall.

He farted on me.

Thank you so much, Vinny. You suck.

But it was funny. I was way better than him,

and I'm gonna take that to the grave.

Kid, I bet he's bruised, but let me tell you,

he's a little strong for that little--you know,

for him being that skinny, I feel like he's strong.

- How did I not hear all this? - Hey, Ron.

- We missed a great night. - Did we?

- Mm-hmm. Angelina and Vinny had a full-blown...

- I know. Angelina, right? Angelina--

- Wrestling match in their room.

-Naked?

- Almost. - Called sex.

- That's what I think. - Right?

- Like, I'm disgusted right now

for the fact that they were doing, like,

what in my [bleep] daughter's room?

- It went on for an hour.

- Like, full-on wrestling MMA sweat workout?

Like, I'm just picturing Vinny's [bleep] pubic beard

just dripping sweat and Angelina's makeup.

[gags]

Gotta get her a whole new bedroom.

- And he was doing this creepy voice.

He was like, "You like that, b*tch?"

- Oh, my God!

- What the [bleep]?

[upbeat funky music]

- ♪ Married with children ♪

♪ Feel like Al Bundy ♪

♪ I'm in love with your body from Monday to Sunday ♪

- It's [bleep] hot.

- Let's go in the pool. - I'll go outside.

- It sucks that Mike isn't getting out,

but we're all here for one more day.

We're gonna take advantage of it playing outside.

Hanging out by the pool.

- Ron, get your bathing suit on.

You're going swimming. - I don't have one.

- ♪ Gotta watch me ♪

♪ Gotta watch me ♪

- You're a mess.

I feel like your nipple's gonna pop out.

- ♪ Pay-per-view boy you gotta cop me ♪

- Wait, Pauly, are you gonna play a song?

- Yeah. We're gonna play your music.

- Yeah.

[funky music]

- Thank you, Pauly!

- Welcome. - Wait. Rap.

Rap for your meat flaps.

- ♪ I just do it for myself ♪

- ♪ [bleep] Keto Guido ♪

[laughter]

♪ He doesn't [bleep] know ♪

- She said [bleep] Keto Guido.

- ♪ He looks like he's withering away ♪

♪ Oh, hell yes [bleep] ♪

- She's coming at you.

- Yo, Angelina just spit that fire.

- Can I push her in the pool?

- There is always something between Angelina and Vinny.

- Go ahead. Spit some. Don't be a choke artist.

- Rap battle. Start it up.

- Out of nowhere, literally, by my pool.

Ooh, rap battle about to begin between Angelina and Vinny.

Like, you can't make this [bleep] up.

- Rap battle.

It's the Keto Guido and Angelina face-off.

- Angelina wants to battle rap Vinny?

Angelina can barely speak, let alone rap battle.

- Is it supposed to rhyme? - Well, it should.

- Is this good so far? - Yes. That's okay.

It's not your best work, but it'll do.

- Just make it up.

- Ohh. [laughter]

Girl, you got this. Let's go.

- Yeah. - She's ready.

- This gonna be fire! - We're doing it.

- It's happening.

- Everybody make their way to the fire pit.

- Me and Angelina just have this, like,

Staten Island rivalry that will never die,

and it just manifests itself in all different kinds of battles.

- Wait. Wait. - You cheated! He cheated!

- I see the Keto Guido's technique.

Oh! And the Staten Island girl, oh.

She's like a dirty, little hamster.

- Ah! - Angelina's oiling you up.

- You know it's a full-body oil, right Angelina?

- I'm not oiling up [bleep].

- Oh! - Ahh!

- Tonight's main event.

This is the rap battle of the century.

We've been waiting years for this.

Reigning from Staten Island,

the Staten Island dump on steroids,

please make your way to the fire pit.

- I'm gonna make sure that I k*ll this kid

in the rap battle.

Vinny is about to get annihilated by me,

Staten Island queen Angelina.

- Here we go. - Whoo!

- This is who I'm talking about over there.

♪ Vinny's [bleep] blows, he's such a h* ♪

- Fact. - ♪ His Keto farts smell ♪

- Ew! - ♪ Like [bleep] hell ♪

- Hey. - ♪ You fake-a*s EMT ♪

♪ You stand up when you pee ♪

- ♪ You think you're a [bleep], but you're actually a bore ♪

- Oh!

- Hey.

- ♪ You're like a really, really bad Beyoncé ♪

♪ I have more bars than you have fiancés ♪

- Oh!

- ♪ He will never get a wife ♪

♪ Because he's the worst at life ♪

- Hey. - Hey!

- Angelina is like the upcoming Cardi B.

I'm gonna be her manager. Take all her money.

- ♪ When we're not here Angelina be hitting my phone ♪

♪ The only [bleep] Chris gets ♪

♪ Are the three cats that they own ♪

all: Oh! - Oh, [bleep]! Oh!

- Make some noise for Angelina! all: Yay!

- Yay, babe!

- Make some noise for the Keto Guido!

all: Whoo!

- Yay!

- I won.

- It's a tie. - In my eyes,

I really believed it was a tie, because they both suck.

[laughter]

- ♪ And when we pull up in that thing ♪

♪ Gonna know how to act ♪

♪ What a bad actress was that ♪

♪ Where they at ♪

- Why is it so hot in here? - Is the AC off? It's on?

- No.

[bouncy music]

- Ice cream man!

- Ice cream! Ice cream! - Wait, what?

- Where? - Wait!

Get out of my way!

Ice cream!

I love ice cream this time of year.

- Oh, it is an ice cream man. I love the ice cream man.

If I hear the music, I run out of the house like I'm .

I'm like, "Could I have an ice cream?"

Wait. I don't have money. Who's buying?

I'll do an Oreo on the stick.

- Sandwich on the stick? - Yeah.

- I'll have a sandwich. - Thank you.

- Can I have a bubblegum bar? - Bubblegum bar?

- I'm poor. - This is awesome.

- I love a good ice cream. - This was awesome!

- Who's buying? - This was awesome!

- Mmm. This is good. - Mm-hmm.

[horn honking]

- [laughs]

- [laughs]

[horn honking]

[bouncy music]

[horn honking]

- Oh, my God. He's in the driveway.

He's in the driveway. - He's in your driveway?

- No. - He's in the [bleep] driveway.

[horn honking]

- Oh, you guys didn't pay.

- Oh, [bleep].

Throughout all the ice cream excitement,

we forgot to pay this dude.

Oops. Awkward!

- I gotta find my change.

- The ice cream guys in Jersey are gangsters.

They are not getting stiffed. Like, I'm thinking this guy

is part of the ice cream mafia or something.

[horn honking]

- Fine. I'll take the money. Let's go.

Where is this [bleep]? - Oh, [bleep].

- This is how we do things, in Jersey.

- Oh, my God.

- You don't pay. I come right in your property.

I knock on your door, or I'll stay in the driveway.

Pay me.

- I realize that we didn't pay the guy,

but we all make mistakes.

- Thank you.

A little short. Supposed to be .

- All right. All right. All right.

I'll give you the rest. Take your [bleep].

- Are you kidding me?

- Good-bye. See you later.

- One of you better come to work.

- Peace out. See you later.

- Oh, my God [bleep]. - Get out of here.

- You know, this is like a scary movie.

You know, you see the ice cream man.

You're super excited.

Then, all of a sudden, it's like--turns into, like,

a k*ller ice cream man.

This guy is not nice. Like, he's really not nice.

- He's a psycho. - And he goes,

"One of you girls better come back." Like, nasty.

- What? - Whoa.

- Ooh, Jenni! Ow! - Yo, this guy is about to get

Secaucused by Jenni.

- This guy is gonna get upside down, twisted,

and in his [bleep],

because, like, you picked the wrong [bleep] day,

'cause our friend wasn't out of jail.

And then you're gonna sit in my [bleep] driveway

like a [bleep] chooch that you are

with your blaring [bleep] music.

I'm about to slash your [bleep] tires

and have the cops escort you off my [bleep] property.

[bouncy music]

[bleep] off my property.

- [bleep] you. Pay me. - You have five seconds to get

the [bleep] off my property. - $. $.

- Here. - No. [bleep] that.

- You guys make enough.

- Just because I have a nice house

doesn't mean I was raised here, b*tch.

We can take this to the [bleep] street.

You're making up [bleep] prices now.

You're driving on private [bleep] property.

- $. - Suck my [bleep].

- You had the strawberry bar. That was--

- Suck my [bleep].

- Are you kidding me? - Okay. All right.

- We're fight with the [bleep] ice cream man.

- Just give him the [bleep] money.

- ♪ Kumbaya my Lord ♪

- You ask for ice cream, you pay for it.

It's simple as that.

You want the change? - You chooch. No.

- [whistling bouncy tune]

- I love that song.

- Usually, ice cream men don't have to knock on the door.

- You should have been a little bit nicer.

- We don't have to knock on the door.

- We were nice to you.

- Usually you have the money on-hand.

- I told you he's nasty. - He's such a d*ck.

What the [bleep]'s wrong with him?

That's the last time I'm ever gonna, like,

go to an ice cream truck guy. Like, what a weirdo.

- Ice cream is supposed to be fun.

- This was not what I expected.

- Ruined my whole childhood.

- This is why I don't eat ice cream.

- All right. Relax. - Okay, stripper.

Okay, stripper.

- I don't know what the hell happened.

I always pay my ice cream man.

[bouncy music]

♪ ♪

- Pauly, are they on a date? - Yeah.

This is, like, getting serious.

- I feel honored and so happy that Angelina and Vinny

invited us out on their date.

all: Aw! Yay!

- Thanks, babe.

- All right. All right. All right.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- At this point, I just want to go out,

so let's start getting ready; let's go.

- Let's just go to Teak.

- Okay. Who else is getting ready?

- Oh, my God.

- Angelina, I need you in the boys' bedroom.

- Last time I went in your room, there was a problem.

- Mike's not out, but we're all here.

Might as well have a good time. Yo, let's go to Teak.

- Let's go to Teak-Teak.

[inaudible].

- I'll sit in the back.

- Hey, girls. We'll see you there.

- Bye.

- ♪ Move ♪

- ♪ Gotta get up, gotta get up ♪

- ♪ Move ♪

- ♪ Gotta get up, gotta get up ♪

- ♪ Move ♪

♪ ♪

- Pauly, don't split no one's head tonight, bro. Please.

- Okay. I'll try.

Last time I went to Teak,

we had a bunch of chooches trying to mess with us.

And I was like, "You know what's up, my guy?"

- No, no, no, no. - What's up, cousin?

What's up, my guy? What's up, my guy?

You want to step to me, my guy? You don't want nothing, my guy.

I hope no white linen chooches show up tonight.

- This is where Angelina freaked out.

all: Oh!

- Hey! - Let me go.

- Ah! - Come at me.

- And we're back here.

Now I'm like, "Angelina, not tonight."

Everything's gonna be good. It's a different day.

It's a different time at Teak tonight,

so let's try to be on our best behavior.

These have a lot of salt on them.

- Salt is good on keto. - I'm not on that diet.

- I know. You're on steroids. - I miss wresting,

and you just-- you remind me of it.

- Yeah, you didn't like that too much.

- We're going at each other.

[bleep] that!

I admit that I'm crazy, but I feel like we're all crazy.

- The craziest girls are the best in bed.

- That's how I am.

- Well, they were hitting each other pretty hard last night.

- I'm sorry. I like rough sex,

so I--but I wasn't trying to have sex with you.

I'm just saying I don't mind if somebody chokes me out.

- Damn. - What the [bleep]?

I'm assuming you guys do that? - Are you kidding me?

I [bleep] slap Chris. I'm like...

- Really?

- Usually I'm not intrigued by Angelina conversation at all.

- I'm on top of him. I'm like, "Yeah, mother[bleep]."

And I'm like...

- Oh, my God.

Like, Angelina's shocking me right now.

He likes it! - He's like, "Ah."

- No! - Bro, that's crazy.

- That's wild.

It's no wonder why Chris doesn't pound Angelina out.

He's getting the [bleep] kicked out of him every night.

- Here you go, Vinny. - What?

- There's a girl that looks like a Staten Island girl.

Maybe she's from Staten Island.

- I don't like Staten Island girls.

- Yes you do.

- Have her back. - Sometimes I'm thinking like,

"Do I even want to buy

another house on Staten Island," you know?

- What are they talking about? - Angelina and Vinny

are having a regular conversation.

Like, a regular conversation.

Angelina and Vinny are actually getting along.

This is insane.

It looks like they're on a special,

little one-on-one first date at a nice restaurant.

- More things just keep happening, so like,

he's involved though, but, like--

- How much he get paid? - Nothing yet.

- He's working on contingency? Really?

- Yep. - He actually looks concerned.

Like, interested. I feel a little cheated on

right now that Vinny's actually on a date,

and it feels like he's liking it.

[laughs]

- Pauly, are they on a date? - Yeah.

It's, like, getting serious,

so you're supposed to date first, then smash.

They smashed first then dated.

- Everything we do in the house is a*s-backwards.

I feel honored and so happy that Angelina and Vinny

invited us out on their date.

- What are you talking about? - What are you talking about?

- I just like--so wait. Me and Vinny can't talk?

- We can't have a conversation? Leave us alone.

- I just wanted to know what's going on.

- Is this "The Twilight Zone?"

- We're just like, "All right. It's awkward.

Let's move--give 'em some space."

- But it's still, like, near the city.

[laughter]

- Oh!

Oh, God, Vinny. We got left.

- This is insane.

- To the two at the end.

- [snorts] - Oh, I can't wait.

- [laughs]

- I'm gonna scream.

- That's awesome.

- What is that?

All: Aww. Yay.

- Thanks, babe.

Babe, thank you.

all: Yay!

- Thanks. Thanks, babe.

- All right. All right. All right.

all: Oh!

- Oh, my God, stop.

Damn it.

Kid's, like, obsessed with me.

Blow it out, Vinny. - Oh, [bleep].

- Speech. Speech. Speech. Speech.

- I loved Angelina since high school.

Maybe Vinny just cannot

find the words to express how much he loves me.

- Well, I will tell you one thing.

Mike's not here.

It upsets us, but we did make the best of it.

So even though Mike didn't get out,

it was still super cool to get together with everyone,

'cause sometimes it's hard to do that nowadays.

Jenni, thanks for having us at your home.

- Aw. - Yeah, Jenni!

- Yeah, Jenni. - Thank you all for coming.

- And there's one thing I know about Mike.

He would want us to all be together

and still have fun in his honor.

- Go, Mike! - Yay!

- Salud!

- Turnt up for Mike.

[laughs]

- Free Boosie.

Free Boosie.

- ♪ It's feelin good, good, good ♪

- Turnt up for Mike. - Oh, yeah.

- Salud. - Salud.

- Go! - We paid the check. Let's go.

- Go!

- Oh, my goodness. - Oh, such gentlemen.

- ♪ Good, good, good ♪

♪ It's feelin' good ♪

- Oh, my [bleep] sprinklers on.

- No. It's raining. "The sprinkler's on."

[laughs]

I don't know if I'll see you guys.

I'll just say good-bye now.

- Thank you so much for everything.

- Are you really leaving us? - Yeah.

- No! - We gotta fly back to Vegas.

- I don't like this. - We gotta fly back to Vegas.

We're letting the girls know like,

"Listen, I'm gonna say bye to you now."

Thank you, Jenni. Bye, girls, because the boys

have an early flight to catch in the morning.

- All right. Good night. - Oh, yeah. Va-choocher.

- Good night, Zaddy.

- ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh ♪

♪ Where'd you go ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh ♪

♪ Where'd you go ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh ♪

♪ Sleep tonight ♪

- "Dear Jenni, thank you for the hosp-i-tality."

Who still writes in cursive? - I don't know.

- "Make sure you wash the sheets,

"'cause Vinny keto farts in his sleep,

"and P.S., sorry Ronnie clogged the toilet.

"Call the plumber. Signed, the boys."

P.P.S. Vinny's a chooch.

- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We don't ever fall out over money ♪

♪ That's loyalty ♪

♪ No one got left behind, I brought 'em with me ♪

♪ That's loyalty ♪

Next time we all do this, Mike's gonna be with us.

both: Yeah!

- I definitely feel like a big part of the family is missing,

but luckily, I know for a fact that this is the last time

we're ever gonna get together without Mike.

I don't think Jenni's ever letting us stay here again.

- Nope. Definitely not.

Ohh.

Where are the boys?

Boys, hello.

Where is everybody?

Vinny. Pauly. Like, where are you? Ron?

Like, I really wanted to see Ron.

- "Dear Jenni"... Uh-oh.

- This looks like Santa Claus wrote it.

Written script.

- It's called cursive. - Script. It's a font.

- b*tch, it's in cursive. Like, what do you mean?

What are you talking about script?

"Sorry Ronnie clogged the toilet, and"--

I'm going to check the [bleep] toilet.

- Is it clogged?

Whose handwriting is this, honestly?

Who writes in script?

- I write in script. - Do you? Always?

- Yeah. I can't help it.

- Oh, he's so lucky.

- You do do script. - Yeah.

- Do I write in script?

- [bleep] Okay.

A, B, C, D. Right now.

♪ A, B, C, D ♪

- Yeah. - I write in script!

- [bleep]. - The party's over.

We are malfunctioning. Jenni, please kick us out.

- Too bad Mike didn't get out.

- ♪ You were created from the ruins, ruins, ruins ♪

- Yeah.

- ♪ Created from the ruins, ruins, ruins ♪

♪ Rising up from the ruins, ruins, ruins ♪

It's crazy to think how long Mike's been in jail.

I miss everything about Mike.

- ♪ Ain't gonna stop us now ♪

♪ Feel our feet stomping on the ground ♪

Happy birthday, Mike. - We love you.

- We love you. - Oh, I love you guys.

- He's very inspirational...

both: Grant me the serenity to accept the things

I cannot change.

- His foods. - I'll get the sakura roll.

I'll have the lamb chops. Does it come with French fries?

I'm gonna do the ménage à trois.

Let's get the lobster mac and cheese as well.

- He's literally ordering everything.

- Thank you for everything.

- Of course. Thank you. - The best hostess ever.

- I've been waiting since January th

for him to come back.

- See you later. - It's time.

- Have fun. - Thank you again.

- ♪ You were created from the ruins, ruins, ruins ♪

♪ Created from the ruins, ruins, ruins ♪

- So long.

♪ Ruins, ruins, ruins ♪

♪ ♪

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

[line trilling]

- You have a prepaid [inaudible]

an inmate at federal prison...

is currently recorded and is subject to monitoring.

To accept, dial five.

- Hello? - Hi, honey. It's happening.

- I've been waiting for this phone call for a long time.

- I love you so much. We did it, honey.

- Can I help you guys? - I'm picking up my husband.

- I have faced all the obstacles,

and I continue to move forward.

I'm proud.

- Check your phones! Oh, my God. Mike's out!

- He's out!

- Mike's out! - Yay!

all: We did it!

- We free.

- Where to? - Back to "The Jersey Shore."