07x05 - Ashes to Ashes

[bunniefuu]

Oh, do you hear that?

Chad: you could see smoke
coming from the top.

This volcano is ready to go
at any moment.

I'm saying, we got to get
the hell out of here.

Whoa.

-Did you hear that?
-Oh, my god.

I hope it's not gonna explode
on us right now.

Narrator: one man...

...and one woman...

I'm not leaving!

...alone for 21 days...

What is that?

...with no food...

Oh, god, I'm freezing.

...no clothes...

...no water.

God.
Ooh! Ooh!

Narrator: do they have
the skills and the will...

-Hurts.

...to overcome the most primal
survival challenge

Of their lives...

Captions paid for by
discovery communications

Chad: this mountain is alive

And could take us out
at any second.

This is gonna be
my last real hike

Before I disappear
on "naked and afraid."

Whoever my partner is,

I just hope that
you're a badass, you know?

And I hope this isn't all
coming down on me.

Dawn: this court,
it has a fairly rough surface.

I've been doing some workouts
on here barefoot

Just to kind of
toughen up my feet.

This is the day before
I'm supposed to leave.

So, here are medals --
one for afghanistan,

And one is for
west point military academy.

Bag's right there. I just got
to close it and be on my way.

I'm not gonna tap out,
that's for sure.

Famous last words, but I'm not,
'cause I'm pretty confident.

Narrator:
deep beneath the caribbean sea

Lies an area
of intense seismic activity

Where molten rock is rising
from colliding tectonic plates.

These clashing forces have
created a lush volcanic island

That conceals deadly scorpions,
venomous centipedes,

And the toxic manchineel tree,

Which leaks a poisonous sap

That was used by natives
for prisoner executions.

Rising above it all is
the island's biggest threat --

A deadly volcano looming over
a modern-day pompeii.

This is montserrat,

One of the most active
volcanic islands in the world.

After a long period of dormancy,

The island's volcano awoke
during the 1990s,

Triggering avalanches
of superheated ash

And treacherous mudslides
known as "lahars."

The volcano devastated
the capital of plymouth,

Forcing thousands to flee

And leaving 19 people dead
in its wake.

The volcano continues to menace
the island to this day.

Nature is definitely showing

That people cannot survive
out here.

So, whew, got to leave
these nerves behind.

My name is chad.

I'm from wrightwood, california,

And I'm a survival instructor,

A martial-art instructor,
and a computer programmer.

People classify me a lot as,
like, a hippie,

Because maybe I appear
to be a hippie,

But I'm pretty much
spiritual indiana jones.

My dad actually taught me

All the survival skills
that I know,

So I feel that I have
the skills necessary

To come out here and thrive.

How it is today,
everyone projects an image

Of how they'd like themselves
to be seen by other people.

I honestly have been caught up
in the social-media image, also,

And I hope that
I can come more in contact

With who I truly am
as a human being

And leave the unnecessary parts
behind.

I think the next 21 days

Are gonna be extremely
challenging for me.

Such an eruption obviously
just completely cleared

The entire area
of any kind of life forms.

My name is dawn,
I'm from quebec, canada,

And I'm a retired
infantry officer

From the canadian armed forces.

I'm an alpha female.

I have nicknames such as
"army barbie," "g.i. Jane,"

And I think that has to do
with the fact

That I'm quite small in stature,

Yet I went overseas
as a platoon commander

To afghanistan,

And then I became
a squadron second-in-command

In special forces.

I've assisted men larger than me

Because they were
having difficulties,

And never dropped out
of anything.

But in the last year,

I've kind of struggled with
posttraumatic stress disorder

For, you know, traumatic events

That have happened
in afghanistan.

I feel alone, and I'm hoping
that, with this challenge,

I'll be able to connect
emotionally with my partner

And kind of figure myself out.

All right.
Let's get naked.

Chad: definitely nervous
about being naked

In front of some random person.

I've never done that before,

Besides, like,
relationship-wise.

Last part, huh?

All right,
time to leave the material world

And get out into nature.

Dawn:
I'm hoping that my partner

Brings in more primitive
survival experience,

But I'll lose respect

If he's overly confident
about his skills

But he actually doesn't
kind of produce the results,

Because, at the end of the day,
I have to survive for 21 days,

And so there will be a point

Where I'm just gonna,
you know, take over.

All right.
Let's get 'er done.

So, this is definitely a first.

I'm naked
in the middle of a town.

There's no one living here,
though.

It's a little eerie.

Wow.

It's an absolutely-destroyed
church.

So, I see my partner,

And it's just like
malibu barbie walking at me.

I really hope she has the skills
to back up those looks.

Hey.
How are you?

Good. How are these rocks
treating you?

Awesome.

I'm chad.

Hi. Dawn.

-Dawn, nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you, too.

Dawn: I see my partner,
and he's got the long hair,

He's got the beard,
so my first impressions

Is that he's definitely
a hippie for sure.

Are you nervous, or what?

I'm more nervous
about the nakedness

Than I am about actually
doing the challenge.

The survival stuff?

So you got some skills,
then, I'm guessing.

-I mean, we'll see, right?
-Yeah.

One day at a time.
And what about yourself?

I teach survival
back in california.

-Oh, that's awesome.
-Yeah.

That's awesome.

Well, let's...

Move on?

Narrator:
along with a machete,

Dawn and chad each get
to bring one personal item.

I actually brought
a bow-drill kit,

And this produces
large coals.

I made it myself,
I've used it thousands of times,

So we shouldn't have
any issues there.

Chad's primitive survival item
is a bow drill.

I'm definitely more comfortable
with a fire starter,

So I really hope that
he's an expert with it.

-I brought some paracord.
-Yes. Awesome.

So, it could be used
for shelter,

It could be used
for making nets,

It could be used for making
fishing line, traps.

What else do you have?
I actually have the map.

Let's check it out.

So, that's obviously
the volcano.

And it looks like
it's running off,

Every time it explodes,
this way.

So, we got to stay as far away
from this volcano as possible.

Do you agree?
-I agree.

It's completely barren.

We really need
to not stay here.

There's no signs of life
around here at all.

I haven't even seen any insects,
so that's scary, you know?

So, I say we head towards that
water before it gets dark...

Absolutely, yep.
...and maybe set up a shelter.

-That'd be perfect.
-All right.

-You ready?
-Yeah, let's go.

Awesome.
After you, or...?

All right.
Follow your lead.

Narrator:
dawn and chad's combined skills

Make them
an exceptionally strong team,

But they face an extraordinarily
brutal insertion

Over hot, razor-sharp rock
and long, steep terrain.

If they can climb out
of this barren landscape

And make it
to the lush interior,

Resources will be plentiful,

Along with a host
of threatening inhabitants.

What do you do for work
and stuff?

-Um, I just retired.
-Really?

I was an infantry officer...

No way.

...for 15 years.
No way.

Finding out my partner
was in the military is crazy,

Because that's probably
the exact partner

I was hoping I wouldn't have.

You know, people need to spend
their whole life out in nature

To really develop these skills,

And it's not something
you pick up on a few months

In a survival training
in the military.

I'm worried she might not have
the skills to cut it out here.

Narrator:
dawn may not be as well-versed
as chad in primitive survival,

But as a w*r veteran
trained at west point,

She brings toughness
and proven leadership skills

To the challenge.

Dawn has been assigned

An initial
primitive survival rating,

Or psr, of 7.1.

As a survival instructor,

Chad enters
this post-apocalyptic landscape

With an array
of primitive skills,

But his overconfidence
could hurt him

On this monumental challenge.

Chad also begins
with a psr of 7.1.

-Whew.
-You okay?

So, these are volcanic rocks
mixed with, like, pumice stones,

And they're
extremely sharp.

Pain is just weakness
leaving the body.

You know, you see those people
walk over, like, coals?

Imagine if that was just all,
like, razor-sharp glass.

That is basically
what we are walking over,

And it's horrible.

Starting to smell
more like sulfur.

Yeah.

-Oh, do you hear that?
-Oh, yeah.

That volcano's crazy.

The volcano totally knows
we're here.

I just hope that it stays mellow
the whole time that we're here,

'Cause lava would be
an interesting aspect

To this party.

Here, it goes from, like,
light to dark in, like, that.

-Yeah.

It looks like we have like
maybe another hour left of sun.

Hoo-hoo-hoo.

There's a bit
of thorns here.

The thorns are, like,
as big as a pinky nail.

I don't know how I'm gonna
cross through here.

She did it.

Dawn, you're crazy to charge
straight through things.

Dawn: some people just
by default become the leader

And some become the follower,

And this may be a situation
where I may be the leader

And he may be
more of the follower,

And I think we're both
fine with that.

You okay?

It's definitely
getting dark.

How much time do you think
we have now?

We have less
than half an hour.

Chad: we cannot hike
in the dark out here.

There are huge thorns
everywhere.

Oh, my god.

I don't think it's gonna be
dark, like, in california dark.

I think it's gonna be
pitch-black dark out here.

Whew!
Thorns right there.

Dawn: I'd like to push on.
Ohh!

Dawn: honestly,
every step is painful,

But I'm not gonna let that
get me down.

I'm gonna stay positive
and move one foot at a time

No matter how painful it is.

It's better to do that than stay
in the path of the volcano.

Ow.

They're all over
the damn ground right here.

All right, so it's pretty much
last light right now.

What was that?

What do you think about
hanging out here for the night?

We can't even see anymore,
so we don't have a choice.

Chad: in a normal
survival situation,

We definitely would have
made shelter right away

When we still had light,

But we have to get out
of the way of the volcano.

To be stuck in that flow would
just be absolute death, day 1.

Well...

Whoa.
-Did you hear that?

-Whoa. Oh.
-Did you hear that?

Chad: oh, my god.

I hope it's not gonna explode
on us right now.

I definitely want to get out
of here as soon as possible.

Dawn: today is day 2,
and the priority 100%

Is to get out of the path
of the volcano.

And we need to do it
as soon as possible.

I thought
we were totally, like,

Out of the volcano's wrath
by now,

But we are still, like,
in its path for sure.

This isn't an extinct volcano.

This isn't something that
happened 1,000 years ago.

This is something that
is a threat right now,

And it could happen
at any second.

-Oh, wow.
-Like, wow.

Look at that volcano.

Dawn: it's crazy.

You could see smoke coming
from the top of that volcano.

Get hit with a lava flow
at any second,

Or just get impaled by, like,
rocks falling from the sky.

I mean, this is the most
real-dangerous place

I've ever been to in my life.

We need to get away from that,
and we really need water.

-Wow, yeah.
-So I'm not gonna stop here.

We're still, like,
directly under the volcano.

Yeah.

And there's no water.

Every step's just,
"I need water."

It's crazy how much we need it,
you know?

Ohh.
-Yeah.

I'm super dehydrated
right now.

I have got to get
to *bleep* water.

The sun
is just pounding me.

I need
to get out of this.

-The sun?
-Yeah.

Yeah,
let's get in some shade,

Take a break
for just a second.

I feel like I could
borderline throw up.

-You?
-Yeah, just, like...

You don't feel good?

I just started
getting a headache

When we were climbing
that little mountain.

Well,
we need to get you water.

Yeah.

Dawn: hey, buddy.

Oh, that's a lot.

I don't want to say
that's blood.

-No.
-That's not blood.

No, it's not.

Yeah, we need
to get you water now.

Chad's gonna be looking at
heat exhausted and dehydration

A lot more quickly

Because of the fact that
he just lost a lot of fluids.

Chad: I don't want to quit,
but my body is just telling me

That maybe it's not for me.

What are you singing,
chad?

A sanskrit mantra.

I'm using meditation right now
because my body is depleted.

I'm feeling extremely low
right now.

The body is a giant battery,
and I'm taking the time, really,

To sit down every once
in a while and recharge it.

So, I've noticed already
that chad is a spiritual person.

I can be
a little bit spiritual,

But I'm not religious
and I don't do mantras.

We've got to be
getting close to water.

I don't think we're supposed
to die on day 2, you know?

This must be what
all the lahars are about --

Those volcanic flash floods
with all the debris.

Yeah, I can see that
this would be really dangerous.

If it starts raining
up higher on that mountain,

It could just come
and wash us right out.

We should probably get across
that as soon as possible.

Ah.

Ahh.

Ooh.

How you doing, chad?

Absolute -- ugh --
breaking point.

Ahh!

We have not found water yet,
we have not made shelter yet.

I'm not gonna
get your hopes up,

But if I was
to assess this

Like I would
in the canadian wilderness,

I would say that
we're definitely

Coming across
a water source.

No way.
Please be water.

I hear it. Please.

Oh, my gosh!

-Yay!

Oh, my god.

There's a *bleep* pool.

Aah!

Like, ooh.

Needed it.

Oh, that is fresh water.

So real.

Oh!

It tastes perfect.

It's awesome.

Chad: finding water is, like,
the biggest thing out here,

Because it's super hot,
the humidity is 90%,

And we're just
sweating constantly.

I would never, ever, ever
recommend

Drinking out of streams,

But just like in hawaii,
just like in fiji,

All this water
goes underground

And filters through different
layers of volcanic rock.

This whole island's
a giant charcoal filter.

I knew if we just got to water,
me and you could kick a*s.

-Oh, god, yeah.
-You know?

Oh!

I'm so glad I just didn't
lay down and die.

-I wouldn't have let you.
-Good. I'm glad.

I wouldn't have.

Good.

I'd be pretty scared
to be alone day 2.

Yeah. I just kind of hate
being alone.

-That'd be really scary.
-That would suck.

Yeah.

Do you want
to have a fire tonight?

I definitely do.

Yeah, for me,
shelter's priority.

Okay.

...like, hitting us,
you know, a flash flood.

Why don't we look
up here,

Because down there,
where we just came from,

There's no place
that's good.

Let's do it.

Dawn: the next priority
is to build a shelter

And have some type of roofing
over the top of it.

I don't want to be
too far away from the water.

I mean, we could traverse
a little bit, say, close.

Or we could just say
this is it.

Chad: I like this spot,
kind of.

Dawn: you know what?
We could walk around
a little bit more.

You never know.

You mean
up there more?

No, actually, going up there,
though, there's no canopy.

In the sun, yeah.

Let's say we put,
like, the posts

On either side
of these two trees.

I know from experience, when you
attach your shelter to trees,

You attach your shelter
to bugs.

Chad:
really didn't want to be paired
with a military partner out here

Because they're just
too domineering for me.

Have, like,
the a-frame thing...

-Yeah.
-...from there,

And then do, like,
whatever.

Fine solid-wise,
then yeah.

I had my reasons,
and he had his reasons,

But he just decided that,

You know, hey,
we'll do it your way,

And so we did it my way,

And we just carried on
with the night.

No,
it doesn't look even.

Well, we're definitely not
seeing eye-to-eye

On shelter-building,
which sucks,

Because I teach
shelter-building.

And sometimes I'm being, like,
micromanaged by someone

That doesn't necessarily have
the same skill sets as me.

I just -- I don't know.

The sun is definitely
setting, and...

Yeah.

Really have to finish
this net

At least,
you know, enough

So that I can lash those big
leaves and put them on it

So that we can have
overhead protection for tonight

In case there's rain.

So, I really have
to hurry up, though,

Because I don't have
much longer.

What do you think
about it being this length?

I know it's kind of short,
but...

Okay.

How's that?

That's amazing.

Threw together the shelter,
happy with it for now.

I'm surprised we actually
got this up and running.

Dawn:
last night was pretty rough.

Just pretty much rained
for hours and hours nonstop.

I've been dealing with it
relatively well.

It's more chad that
hasn't really been
dealing well with it.

But still maintain
a positive attitude, though.

But, no, I don't want to be cold
again like last night,

That's for sure.

So, my partner brought
a bow drill.

I don't know.
There's always been issues

With bringing bow drills,

Especially to
a wet environment like this.

Chad:
I've been making friction fires
pretty much my entire life,

So this is something
I'm super confident in.

Let's see
you do your magic.

All right.
So, here we go.

Let's see how we do
in this humid environment.

-You need help?
-No.

*Bleep*

Now,
if it was a fire starter,

We'd both be...all over it.

He's putting a lot of effort
into starting a fire

With a bow drill,
and it hasn't worked.

But you know, he brought
a bow-drill set for a reason,

So obviously he has
a lot of experience

With a bow drill,
or he wouldn't bring it.

So we'll see.

Really difficult, because
we need to align the visions.

We both want things done.

It's important that we both help
each other to get them done.

Dawn: I'm kind of struggling
a little bit

With my partner's abilities
at this point in time,

But it's not fair
for me to judge him.

He's actually trying.

Being in the military,
teamwork is important,

And if people are struggling,
you help them out.

I went for another walk
away from the shelter

Just to see if I could,
you know, find anything.

I found a nest,
which I think would be good

For my partner
for his bow drill.

It's actually really great
for tinder.

I also got some coconut husk.

My partner's gonna be so happy.

At the end of the day,
this is teamwork.

We're both gonna make it
through this together.

Dawn:
look what I just found.

No way.

Chad: dawn found these twigs and
just, like, a bird's nest, so...

Dawn.

And that's a pro tinder bundle
right there.

All right.

You got this.

-There you go.
-Wow.

You are so good.

Oh, my god.
That's crazy.

Oh, my god.
That is an amazing pull.

Right?

Awesome!

Oh, god, yes.

Okay, chad, you know what?
You're now the fire god.

I've never seen anyone

Start a fire that quick
before in my life --
with a bow drill, too.

That's crazy.
It's awesome.

Dawn nicknaming me
the "fire god"

Is definitely an ego booster,

And this is just a huge victory
for our team. I'm so excited.

This is just everything
I've been hoping for

And everything I've been telling
my mind to keep me pushing.

Here we are.
This is the greatest moment

Of the adventure so far.

Yeah!

Mmm!

I'm on an empty stomach,
I'm feeling nauseous right now,

And we need to find food.

I keep finding parts.
Look at it.

This is part
of that stinking toe.

Yeah. Yeah, I've seen them
all over the place.

-Yeah. So...
-But it's empty.

Hopefully, we can find
a full one.

That'd be great.

Oh, chad, stinking toe.

-Awesome. It's full?
-It's full.

-Yeah, it's completely full.
-No way.

Finally,
one that's not eaten.

There's one right here,
too.

-Awesome.
-And another one.

This little seed- --
right here -- looking thing,

Seed-looking thing,

They call it a stinking toe
because it smells.

I'm just gonna crack this open,
and then I'm gonna eat it.

It's like a powdery-like
substance inside

That you can actually chew,

But you need to be around water

Because it really
dehydrates you.

So, it's pretty powdery.

Are you supposed
to swallow this?

Look, there's like six seeds
inside stinky toe.

Then you just, like,
suck around it,

And then you get, like,

The nutrients
from the shell, too.

It's good, though,
right?

Mmm!

Some good coals now.

I think we're doing
pretty good, right?

It's like we're...
-Yeah.

...on vacation.

Pretty much a vacation.

You've got, like, you know,
water close by and good shelter.

It's super comfortable.

But, honestly, though, chad,
like, what can go wrong,

Like, at this point?
Like, nothing.

Keeps getting better.

By day 21,
we're probably gonna have,

Like,
cellphones out here.

Yeah, no, I'm busy, all right?

I told you I can't talk
right now.

Dawn:
honestly, I'm really enjoying
my partner right now.

He's super down-to-earth,
he's driven, he's dedicated.

And, you know,
he knows his stuff too,

So I'm really happy
to have him as a partner.

All right.

You collected a whole bunch
of really good kindling,

So I'm gonna go
get a little bit more

Since it's so damp.

I don't want to risk
the fire going out.

Yeah, good call.

But, yeah, you pulled
your weight on that,

So I'll go grab some more,
and we'll be good, yeah?

-Awesome. Thanks.
-Okay, yeah.

I'll be right back.

Chad: dawn is definitely
changing my opinion I had

On military "survivalists."

Dawn really is a badass.

I mean, she's definitely not
your average woman.

I mean, she's been through what
most men could never even do.

And that military aspect of
never leave a person behind

Is ingrained deep inside her.

It's great. I couldn't ask for
a better partner, really.

Chad: ah!
*Bleep*

Oh, my god, dawn!

-You okay?
-Ah!

Medic,
can you can down here?

Man: chad, where are you?

Oh, my god.

Dawn: you okay?

Oh, my god.

Chad just came back.
He hurt his shoulder.

He just fell off the mountain.
It looks pretty serious.

The medics just got here,

And chad is now getting
a sling put on.

It's definitely painful,

But more
in just disbelief that, uh...

It looks painful,
I'm not gonna lie.

Yeah, I can definitely
see it protruding.

Yeah, it is.

Okay, yeah, please.

Ooh, yeah.

Do you think that
he can carry on, or...?

Dawn:
chad was a really nice guy.

I thought that this would be
a good opportunity for me

To kind of explore my, you know,
emotional side, my personality,

Just kind of figure out,

You know, how I could interact
with another human being,

You know, when you're tired
and hungry and thirsty

And completely, you know, naked,
meaning vulnerable,

Like, out in the wilderness.

And so, I'm not gonna
get that opportunity

Because, you know,
chad got injured.

My biggest challenge
for the next 16 days

Is definitely myself
and my mind right now.

It's been raining and windy,
cold,

And this is gonna be
my first official night alone.

Now that I'm alone, day 5,

I'll just have
a whole lot of time,

Just overanalyzing things

And all the mistakes
I've ever made in my life,

Or all the mistakes
that have been made to me,

And I hope it doesn't
get me down.

For the next 16 days,
I'm just gonna, you know,

Try things out that
I've never tried before,

And if I fail, I fail.
Like, whatever.

But, you know...

You never regret
the chances that you took.

You always regret the chances
that you didn't take.

It smelled like sulfur
this morning,

And there was definitely
rumbling from the volcano.

I got a little nervous
this morning.

I kind of figured that, uh-oh,
maybe this is gonna be it,

Even though I really want
to continue on this journey.

This is chad's bag.

I just cut it open
to try to make a skirt.

All right.

Maybe chad leaving
was good for me,

Because I always distract myself

When I have to think
about myself

And things that
I've been through,

Things that I've seen.

And I always avoid the hurt,
the pain.

And I can't do that out here.
It's just me.

There we go.
Survivor bag.

I got clothes.

I'm not completely covered ==

There's one side
that's not so much --

But it's better than nothing.

I just can't sleep.

I'm in my head,
and I don't know.

I just have a massive amount
of anxiety right now.

And just...it's crazy.

That's the mental game.

Like, my biggest challenge
literally is myself out here.

It's completely nuts.

And now I just can't
kind of mask it

With medications or alcohol.

And that's where I'm at
right now.

Last night was extremely lonely.

Like, I really couldn't sleep.
I was tossing and turning.

And I was just
really in my head.

And looks like
fire's pretty much out.

It's just kind of getting to me,
I guess.

I definitely want to try
and get a fire going

Just to make myself happy
and help me out mentally.

*Bleep*

*Bleep*

Takes so much
to just keep on going.

I'm still pissed that
he didn't bring a fire starter.

Takes a lot out of you.

*Bleep*

Ugh!

I'm giving up.

I'm just tired of the struggle.

You know, you hear noises,
and then you remember things.

Thinking about the worst things
that have ever happened to you,

You just kind of, like,
play it out in your head.

You know, experiences that
I've had in my military career

With things that
have done to me,

Things that I've done
to other people,

All these thoughts
go through my head here,

And it's worse when you don't
have anyone to talk them through

Or have anything
to help manage it.

There's just so much pressure.

I could see how people tap out.

Narrator: for the last 3 days
in the jungles of montserrat,

Dawn struggles
to escape haunting memories

Brought on by ptsd.

300 Miles away,

Chad deals with his own pain
and suffering.

Chad: I'm just in disbelief.

I really hate that a clumsy fall
took me out of this.

I really wanted to complete
the 21-day challenge, you know?

Narrator: doctors determine

His clavicle has been torn
from his shoulder blade.

Chad:
dawn's such a great partner.

Just, thank you
for everything you've taught me.

Trust me, I'll be very sad
the rest of the days

Knowing that
you're out there alone.

Narrator: as a result
of his day 5 medical tap-out...

...chad's psr drops
from a 7.1 to a 4.9.

Dawn's psr will be re-evaluated
at the end of the challenge,

As she attempts
to overcome her demons

And make it to extraction.

Dawn: sometimes it's really hard
to stay positive.

So I'll just do
what I usually do,

And just compartmentalize,

And just pretend like
everything's perfect in my life

When it's not.

I'm a mess.

Like, I really need to just
do something positive

To make myself happy
and still get out there

And at least be
a little bit productive.

I'd kind of like to just
go hunting for some crawfish,

Because you actually
don't have to cook them.

You can eat them raw,
and so I don't need a fire.

Today, I won't quit.

Today -- I will say it again --
I won't quit.

That's my mantra.

Ohh, it's just so...

You know, it's just a struggle
not to quit, you know?

It's just, ugh.

I see one.

Nope, couldn't get it.

Almost had it.

*Bleep*

Ugh, so close!

Got one!

Whoa,
you are n-not going away.

Another one.

I got two crawfish, so
I'm really excited about that.

It's the first time I've ever
actually crawfished before,

And I caught them with my bare
hands, which is kind of cool.

Oh, my god.
So good.

Yay.

As much as I try to stay
distracted during the day,

At night,
they're long and cold, and...

You're put alone
into an environment

Where you have to survive,

And you're naturally
hypervigilant.

And it just plays a toll
on your brain.

Hello?

Mm.

And that's how I was
in the military

In my personal time,

And that's what
kind of burnt me out.

Like, I'm really facing it all.

I feel like it's even harder
for me to fight through

Just wanting to give up.

Just thinking in my head about
just different struggles

In my life, just because I have
nothing but time here

To contemplate my life,

And I always put
so much pressure on myself.

It sucks being alone

With the person that
you judge the most...

...and that
you're the hardest on.

I really hope someday

That I feel comfortable
in my own skin.

There's just too many things
going on in my head.

And I'm not ready to, uh...

...deal with it like this.

I'm -- I'm tapping out.

What's going on?
How are you?

I think I'm at a point
where I'm gonna tap out.

Can I ask why?

Everyone thinks that I'm, like,
this strong person,

And that's because
I've always portrayed that.

But I'm at a point where I need
to get help and support.

Okay.

Narrator: unable to endure
the mental isolation,

Dawn leaves the challenge
on day 9.

Dawn: I've realized that
I can't do it on my own.

I thought I could,
but being alone with myself,

It makes me realize

That you can't just
get better on your own.

And I do want to get better.

And, hopefully, someday I do.

Narrator: although
the volcano remained subdued,

The jungles in montserrat
proved to be formidable.

Dawn led off the challenge
with high energy,

But after losing her partner,

An unstoppable flow
of negative emotions

Melted her spirit,

And dawn tapped out on day 9,

Dropping her psr
from 7.1 to 5.4,

And showing that
surviving one's self

Can be tougher than surviving
a volcanic island...

Hey, everyone.

So, it's been a few months that
I've been back from the show,

And as you can see,

There's a lot of snow out here
in canada.

It's a little cold right now,
but, you know,

Just doing that challenge
and the show really inspired me

To go get the help that I needed
immediately,

And I'm sticking with it
right now,

And I'm honestly in a better
place now than I've ever been.

I don't regret it,
and I never will.

And this has been the best
few months that I've had

In a very, very long time,
so please get help.