03x04 - Please and Fang You

[bunniefuu]

[theme music]

[expl*si*n]

[siren blaring]

[tires screeching]

[siren blaring]

[Ave] Immuv, sweetheart,

our first night in the new house
in our new city deserves a treat.

[Immuv]
That sounds perfect, Ave.

I feel so at home here,

and I'm glad your work
as a master architect

is finally getting
the recognition it deserves.

[Ave] Eh,
don't make a fuss.

I designed a couple buildings,
they liked 'em,

so they asked me
to design a few more.

Back in a jiffy
with fried bologna!

[Immuv]
Ooh, it's chilly out.

Which box are the coats in?

Ah, here, wear this!

The height of fashion
back home,

you'll fit right in here
in the big city!

[thunder rumbles]

I gotta figure out how to change
that ring tone.

Hello?
This is Ave Empire, Master Architect.

With whom do I currently
have the pleasure of conversing?

[Igor] Master architect,
It's Igor Eyegor,

night-shift operator at the
Eco-Power Plant.

It seems the new
vacuum museum you designed

is causing the city's power
to surge

ten percent above average.

[man yells]

I guess a museum filled with antique,
energy-draining vacuums

could cause the power grid to
fluctuate a little.

No biggie, I'll swing by
and take a looksie.

[Igor] Thanks, master.

[beeps]

[car starts]

[yells]

[crashes]

[Ave] Ha! Little boy
person, are you okay?

Please you need to be more careful

running into
the street like that! Oh!

[yelling] Vampire!

A what? Where?

Wait, are you talking about...

[Billy screaming and panting]

Please! Hang on! I'm not
a vampire! I'm just in my 40's!

Ha!

Hey! I found your funny hat!

[phone ringing]

Hello? This is Ave Empire,
Master Architect.

With whom do I currently
have the pleasure of conversing?

[Igor] It's Igor again.

Your museum is now causing
a 30 percent power surge,

possibly because I pressed

this button on the control board labeled
"do not press if the power is surging."

Don't worry, I'll fix it!
Please, just give me a second.

I'm on my way!

Sorry, Shifty's is closed.

Please, I need that bike!
I'll pay double!

[exhales sharply]
Tempting, but no.

I've dealt with shady people
in my day, possible werewolves,

Fendrich, probable werewolves,

but I don't deal with vampires.

Something about turning
into a bat,

specifically,
doesn't sit well with me.

But I'm not a vampire! Please!

If you're no vampire,
then why do you have fangs?

No! See,
it's an optical illusion!

Those two just look
big and pointy

because all my other teeth

are disproportionately
tiny and flat!

So why can't I see your
reflection in that mirror?

[clock ticking]

Because that's a clock,
not a mirror.

Please, I'm in a hurry!

I'm not a vampire!
I have to get to the... [yells]

What was that for?

If you're not a vampire,
then why did that garlic hurt you?

Because it was the force
of the garlic that hurt me.

You could've thrown any root
vegetable like that

and it would've hurt!

Typical vampire response.

You're trying to trick me into
inviting you inside

'cause otherwise
you can't enter!

What's preventing me from entering is you,
physically blocking the...

oh, forget it, already!

I'll use that new ride-sharing app,
Hurry Up And Nate.

[radio playing]

[Ave] Hello Nate,
I'm your ride.

Ave Empire.

-A vampire!
-No, I'm Ave Empire.

I'm not giving a ride to a vampire!

[Ave] I'm not a vampire!
I'm an architect!

Please! I need to get to
The Vacuum Museum

to stop the city's power
from surging!

[groaning]

[screaming]

[crashes]

[phone ringing]

This is Ave Empire, Master Architect.
With whom blah blah blah?

[Igor] Master! The power
is surging 60 percent!

It might be because I plugged
numerous hairdryers

into the control panel.

[Ave] Please,
stop with the control panel!

I'll shut down the vacuum
museum as soon as I get there!

[Igor] It's too late!

If the surge levels get above 90 percent,
the whole city could blow!

You'll have to reboot the power grid
at the eco-power plant!

[Ave] Wait, Igor,

is that not from where
you are currently calling?

-Can't you reboot it?
-[Igor] No! The emergency

lever is outside in the power hub
and I barricaded myself inside,

and stapled myself
to my chair for safety.

[Ave] Oy!
Don't worry, I'm on it!

[Westbrook] This rare little guy
is called the So Boring Snake.

He bites his enemies with a venom
that fills them with such boredom,

they can't be bothered to fight or run.

[snake hisses]

Can you imagine how boring
this city would be if he escaped?

[whimpers]

[crew screaming]

[producer] Throw it to Gabby!
Throw it to Gabby!

Oh, uh, hi, this is Gabby Tocamera
reporting from downtown,

where the city's power
is still surging dangerously!

Some say it's a simple
technical malfunction,

while others believe dark,
ominous forces are at work.

Multiple witnesses
have reported a sinister,

blood-sucking fiend
running wild in the city.

[clangs]

And here's the fiend now.
[clears throat]

Ahem. Are you responsible
for the city's answer dependent,

evil power surges?

Yes! I am! Please,
you are all in serious danger!

You may all be doomed!
Doomed, I say!

You heard it here first, folks.
This fiendish vampire

has threatened to doom the whole city!

What? Whoa, there, missy.
I am not a fiendish vampire!

This is Gabby Tocamera fleeing
in terror from downtown!

[snake hisses]

Shifty's Pawn Shop, open 24 hours
for all your vampire hunting needs!

Stakes, torches, pitchforks,
you name it, Shifty's got it!

Ask about
our Angry Mob discount!

[Ave panting]

[gasps]

[siren wailing]

[indistinct shouting]

[Ave grunts]

[breathing heavily]

[grunts]

What? How dare you...
Aw, hello, little guy.

Hacksaw! You almost hit
this lost little circus clown!

Uh, boss, I think your genre
blindness is flaring up.

That's your classic
vampire right there!

Nonsense!

I may be genre blind, but I know
a circus clown when I see one!

Now let this poor little fella
in the car

before you make him cry.

Fine! But as soon as the neck
biting starts, I'm out of here!

[indistinct shouting]

[Hacksaw]
Get in, vampire clown.

This car must seem
huge compared to

the tiny ones you and
your clown friends ride in.

So, where can we take you?
The circus?

The eco-power plant and,
please, I'm not a clown!

Aha! You're a vampire!
I knew it!

No, I'm an architect and I must
reboot the power grid

before the entire city blows up!

[laughs]

I love it!

He's doing a skit!

The old architect rebooting the power grid
to save the city routine!

Step on it, Hacksaw!

This is gonna be hilarious!

[Ave] Eighty-five percent!
There's still time!

[Midden yells] Help!

A snake has bitten me

and I am oddly
so over it already.

[snake rattles]

That's a So Boring Snake!

I recognize it
from that wildlife documentary,

Nature's Most
Contrived Reptiles!

I must suck out the venom
before this poor lady

is too disinterested to feel

the horrible terror appropriate
for the situation.

Don't move, nice,
increasingly bored lady! I'll help you!

[indistinct shouting]

Everyone calm down!

You're being silly!
That man isn't a vampire!

He's obviously a circus clown

who only wants
to bring people joy

and laughter with eco-power
grid-related hi-jinx. [laughs]

If you don't believe me,
take a look for yourself.

Okay, this probably looks bad.

Being bitten is so boring.

[indistinct shouting]

Enough already!
I'm not a vampire!

Please!

I'm the new Master Architect of the city

and I'm trying to save you all!

This whole catastrophe
would be over already if everyone

hadn't superficially judged me on
my appearance... and accent...

and general,
totally vampire-seeming demeanor!

[phone ringing]

[Igor] Master!
We're five seconds away

from the city's
entire power grid blowing!

You've got to pull
the red power reboot lever!

[angry mob screaming]

[cheering]

[applauding]

Thank you, thank you.
Please. Look, it's okay.

We all make mistakes,

but I hope you've all learned

not to judge a book
by its cover.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I need to get home
before the sun comes up!

[gasping]

Oh, please! I just need some sleep
before work in the morning!

[laughs]

Uh, quick announcement,

No returns on vampire
hunting gear!

New store policy!

What?

[indistinct shouting]

Wait, that stuff's for hunting
vampires!

But I am having a sale
on shady store-owner hunting gear,

so, come on everyone,
chase me back to the pawnshop!

[laughing]

Hilarious!

Bravo, circus clown! Bravo!

[Midden] And the snake
just bit me again.

[snake hisses]

[theme music]