01x05 - Episode 5

[bunniefuu]

- How do you know the groom?
- Oh, he's my brother.

- Wait here.
- No. Niall!

Oh, here he comes. Look at this.
You coming for a dance, are you?

Why are you here?

- Nice to see you too, Bambi.
- Don't f*cking call me that!

Why are you here?

Not like this.
Let's go somewhere private.

Fine.

So, it's definite?

Yes, madam.
All looking good here.

But that can't be.

I mean, I've been told
I can't get pregnant.

I've been told
it would never happen.

Well, I've been doing this
for 20 years

and I can safely say you are.

Around nine weeks,
to be precise.

So, do you guys
have any questions?

It... Yeah,
I mean, what happens now?

Well, I think you need
to start planning.

This is a geriatric pregnancy,
and you need to limit anything

which causes stress
in your life.

Jesus, Niall! You're gonna
have to move out then.

And that machine's trustworthy,
is it?

Excuse me?

It's just
you hear stories, don't you?

You know, people getting scanned

and there actually being
nothing in there at all,

like a... a phantom pregnancy,
I think it's called,

something which isn't there
but its presence is...

is felt.

I'll have a phantom relationship
if you keep talking.

No, rest assured,
Mr. Kennedy, this is very real.

And something
you need to plan for,

regardless of what you decide
to do.

I'll leave you guys to chat.

It's bad luck, at least.

We have sex, like,
once in six months

and I get pregnant.
Just think about it, Niall.

All the crying and screaming
and mood swings.

And then there's the baby
to think about.

You can be honest
with me, you know.

- About what?
- About whether you want this.

Go on. Free pass. No judgment.

God, I don't know. I mean...

Are you saying
you want to do it?

I think so.

I'm 42.

Been told
I could never have kids.

This genuinely might be
my last chance to be unhappy.

But, hey, Niall, silver linings.

At least it's a short commute
to work for me today.

I'll see you later on.

Oh, wait.
Are you still on for dinner

with Ruben and Mona later?

That's today, is it? Christ!

They're not gonna be
all over each other again

- like last time, are they?
- No, I don't think so.

I've spoken to them about that.

Then fine, I'll be there.

Bye, Niall.

Or should I say... "Daddy"?

Oh, you're f*cking gorgeous,
aren't you?

And this neck.
I could f*cking eat this neck.

Just be a f*cking head...

and some shoulders.

Sorry, uh, what were you saying?

Oh, I was just talking
about Greece

potentially heading out
the Eurozone

and going back to the Drachma.

Right, yeah. Shite.

Look, uh, shall we call it here?
It's getting dark soon.

Hey, no way! I haven't asked
Niall about his new book yet.

Oh, f*ck me.

Yeah, let's call it here, Ruben.

- I'll order you guys a taxi.
- Go ahead, Niall.

I'm listening.
What's this one about?

Well, it's
a semi-autobiographical story

about a young boy who's...

Good Lord, he's starting.
Hurry it up, Ruben.

I'm texting as quick as I can.
Don't worry.

Yeah, brilliant.

Oh, stop.

We're just having banter.

You know, one day I'll have
a partner that respects me.

Wow. Can't wait to meet her.

f*cking love this girl.

Right. Driver says
he's five minutes away.

I'll walk you out.

Can you believe it?

Drinking f*cking wine
out in the garden

like a couple of posh c**ts.

Where we've come from.

- f*ck me.
- I know.

Oh, man, look.

I know I joke, but I just wanted
to say, proud of you.

I remember when we met back up,

you were f*cking
rock-bottom, man,

now look at you.

Good girl, nice house,
new book, massive c*ck.

That's always a constant.

When do you think
you'll be done by?

With the writing?

Oh, not long, I wouldn't say.
It's the final push.

Just... Just figuring out
the ending.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, a book's gonna need
an ending, isn't it?

Why do you ask?

Well, look, I, um...

I hate to do this, but I'm...

I'm gonna need
that money back I lent you.

- What, all of it?
- Yeah, f*cking all of it.

Jesus, Ruben, it's 30 grand.
Can't we just wait six months

until the launch bonus
comes through?

No chance. Just write the ending
and get the book done.

- Any ending will do.
- Oh, come on, Ruben.

I mean, that'd be compromising
my artistic integrity.

You'll feel
a lot better about it

when I'm compromising
your health.

- Okay, that was harsh.
- Don't need to apologize.

I didn't.

Don't forget his bag.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, lovely to see you.

Look, can we chat
about this another time?

- I don't want Ava to hear.
- How?

She knows you owe me this money.

Yeah, it's just...

She thinks
I paid you back already.

But you didn't pay me back.

I know.

f*ck me.

You stole 30K
from your girlfriend?

Stole it from her dad.

Still, that's f*cking insane.

What on earth
did you spend it on?

It doesn't matter.
It's nothing important.

Well, clearly more important
than paying me back.

Are you seriously telling me
you had my money

and kept it all for yourself?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

You shouldn't
have told me that, Niall.

You really
shouldn't have told me that.

It's just weird.

He earns a hundred grand a year.
What does he need it for?

I don't know, Niall.

Why don't you tell me
your theory,

so I can use it to point out
your character flaws?

- He's f*cking with me.
- Brilliant.

To get me back for prison.

By asking it back
at a pivotal career moment.

Oh, please.

He gets you back
for screwing him over

by giving you the equivalent
of a semi-detached?

I didn't screw him over.
We've been through this.

We screwed each other over.

- That's what we settled on.
- Still pretty long,

arduous, expensive
f*cking with you, isn't it?

Lending you money and knowing
he will never get it back?

When breaking your fingers
is so cheap.

No, I'm telling you.
This is what he does.

Niall, he's done more for you
than anyone

these past few years.
He kept you going financially.

After you practically cleared me
out of house and home

with your nonsense.

I think your problem
is you still think of him

as the boy you grew up with.

Just talk to him.
Take him somewhere he enjoys.

Catch him at a good moment.

He'll be fine.
He'll wait another six months.

I promise you.

He's big and fluffy
underneath it all, really.

m*therf*cker!

I just find it
f*cking ridiculous.

Get this. Mona said last night

she wants to start
teaching dance classes.

Have you ever heard
of anything so f*cking stupid?

I asked her
what she'd get from it.

You know what she said?
Self-empowerment.

It's pathetic. She's my wife.

She should take
all her power from me.

I've spoiled her rotten,

and now she's telling me
she needs a life

when I've given her
the best one around.

It's f*cking rude,
is what it is.

And I don't trust the c**t
that's asking her either.

Benji. f*cking Uncle Rico twat.

He has ill intentions,
and it pisses me off.

I want to go down there
and crack his head open,

dance on his f*cking brains.

Anyway, what do you want
to speak to me about?

Oh, just this money business.

Oh, f*ck me.
Is that why we're here?

Soften me with soft toys?

Well, I thought
it would be nice.

Yeah,
you're paying me back, Niall.

- That's not fair.
- "Not fair"?

You know, you're the only c**t
in the world

who could borrow 30K

and then make
the other c**t feel unreasonable

for asking it back.

Yeah, but can't... can't we
come up with some sort of...

system instead?

Sure, you can pay me back


Impossible.

I mean, I could do 200
at a press.

No, it's not enough.

Well, then I'm out
of options, Ruben.

Short of giving up on my dreams,
and I'm not willing to do that.

Come on, Niall.
They've given up on you.

- Okay, that was harsh.
- Don't need to apologize.

I f*cking didn't.

Look, I'm not a monster,
all right?

There are other ways
of doing this.

What other ways?

Well, I pay a gardener
and a cleaner 15 pound an hour.

I can let them go,
you can pick up the slack,

deduct it from the total.

You want me to be your b*tch?

Hey, Mr. Radeem
is nobody's b*tch.

But that's one way of doing it.

Couple of times a week,
we can call it 200 a month.

Add it to the 200,
that's 400 total.

- I can stomach that for now.
- Yeah, but, Ruben, Jesus.

I'm not sure
I feel comfortable with that.

I mean...

do you feel comfortable
with that?

Yeah. I think I can live
with it.

Oh.

Hi.

Care to join?

Sure.

I hate that
he's making you do this.

- So, where is he?
- God knows.

Stalking through the night.

I take it you suggested
these dance classes again.

Is that right?

Yep.

- He stormed straight out.
- I see.

Are you gonna defy him?

Nah.

Can't start World w*r III
over a few twirls.

Maybe you could write a chapter
in your book about me going?

I can read it
and it'll be like I'm there.

Oh, it wouldn't be
what you're looking for.

- I haven't danced in my life.
- Oh, come on now.

Scottish Country Dancing
at school?

Oh, piss off!

Most embarrassing
experience of my life.

Nobody would dance with me.

Meanwhile,
Ruben had about five women

hanging off of him.

That's our boy.

Yeah.

I miss that Ruben, you know?

Yeah.

Me too.

What do you think happened?

It's men.

They always fall away with time.

Look, I'd better head off, actually.

Ava will be wondering.

You go, tiger.

Oh, I forgot to say...

I remember you dancing...

back at school.

It's hard to describe, but...

I remember you...

just being so...

free.

- Ruben?
- What'd you say to her?

Excuse me?

She's taking
her first class tonight!

Something about how she looked
dancing back at school.

Oh, it was just a comment.

Well, what are you doing
commenting?

She was just about to back out
of the whole f*cking thing.

Ruben, I really don't think
this is a big deal.

Yes, it is. You f*cked me.

Because now instead
of stopping her hobby,

I'm stifling her freedom.

I don't see
what the problem is here.

The problem is

that she used to stay at home
all day and wait for me.

Now I get back
and she's out there

throwing her f*cking body about.

So? There's nothing wrong

with enjoying
a bit of attention.

I mean, if you've got it,
flaunt it, that's what I say.

Hey, hey, hey.
She hasn't got it.

We're married.
I've f*cking got it.

It's not hers to flaunt,
it's mine to keep.

Are you taking your meds, Ruben?

I'll f*cking take all of them
if you don't sort this out.

Well, what do you want me to do?

I want you to go down
the dance class

and keep an eye on her.

You want me to stalk your wife?

No, I don't want you
to stalk my wife, Niall.

Jesus Christ!

Just stay close to her.
Trace her movements.

Follow her around
the place a bit.

But don't stalk her.

I don't know, Ruben.
This all feels a bit...

- off to me.
- Oh, I don't know.

You've done worse
than this before, have you not?

I mean, maybe we can go upstairs
to Ava, let her decide.

Or her father.

But what? Are you expecting me
to, like... join in?

Yeah, why not?
If you're so pro it,

maybe you'll find freedom
in it too.

And stop her drinking.

She always spills her guts
when she drinks.

f*ck's sake!

Christ.

Okay, guys, shall we begin?

Okay, we're going deep squat.
Ready?

Three, two, one.

Well done.
I loved the class.

- I know. How was it?
- Yeah.

Everyone was moving.
I'm sweating so much right now.

- Me too. Or I was. It was great.
- Well done.

- Let me give you a hug.
- Oh.

I'm sorry.

You know what Ruben's like
when he gets persuasive.

Yeah, I do, actually,

which is why I'm not giving
into it this time.

I'll get to 60
and realize I've spent

my life in his pockets.

I mean, is this really
all about dancing?

No.

Goes a lot deeper than that.

- Well, go on. You can say.
- No, I can't.

It'll destroy him.

Well, how about a drink instead?

What?

He asked how old you were?

Yeah, this random dude.

Told me it's great
to see me going for it

at my age.

That's insane.
What did you say?

I told him I was 30.

That's nuts, Niall.
You look like a prisoner of w*r.

I feel like a prisoner of w*r.

You f*cking will be
if you turn up

at my dance classes again,
I tell you.

I'm sorry, Mona.

I'll stay away.

I need to anyway.

Ava's starting to think
I'm avoiding her.

Why would you be avoiding her?

Well, she's pregnant,
as it happens.

Wow. Congrats. That's quick.

- Yeah.
- What's wrong? You doubting it?

Mm.

We've been together a year

- and we barely know each other.
- Well, I would say that's better

than knowing everything
about someone.

Yeah, maybe.

Just makes me question
if it's real, you know?

Hmm.

Ruben is gonna go radge
when he finds out

- Ava's pregnant.
- Oh, yeah? Why's that?

He's infertile.

- What?
- Well, low fertility,

but it's pretty much
the same thing.

Is this why
he's been so jealous?

Yeah.

He thinks
I'm gonna leave him for a man

that can give me all he can't.

- Wow. Ruben?
- Why is this so shocking?

It's just for a man
that leads with his ba*ls...

That's not funny.

No. Sorry.

Have you talked about adopting?

Once, but Ruben tore
the kitchen sink off the wall.

I don't think you realize
how bad it is.

It's like... he's lost his mind
to the whole thing.

He gets drunk and talks
about how having a kid

is "God's plan" for him
so he can "break the cycle."

What do you think
he means by that?

Christ knows.

I just think he wants a kid
he can care for

because his dad
didn't treat him so nice.

Yeah.

But anyway,
let's change the subject.

- This is depressing.
- Yeah.

To our f*cked-up relationships.

To our... f*cked-up lives.

Oh, I love it.

Jesus, Niall.

Where on earth have you been?

I think we should do it.

I think we should have
a baby together.

Ava's pregnant, and we're
gonna make a go of it.

Oh, yeah?

Is that it? "Oh, yeah?"

I was just waiting
for the caveat.

No, there's no caveat.
We're doing this.

- I told her last night.
- When did she get pregnant?

I found out a week ago.

Well, that doesn't sound
very certain to me.

Well, I was just
thinking it through.

Ava and I are still very new,

and it's a big thing to put
at the center of things.

You can say that again.

I mean, it's hard enough
without everything else.

- "Everything else," as in?
- Your sexuality.

That's over, Mum.
I've told you this.

Is it, though?

I find it very convenient
you find your straight side

the second Ruben is back
in your life.

How many times? It was a phase.

It wasn't a phase, Niall.

- It was a serious problem.
- Well, then how come it stopped?

Because you enlisted
the services of a priest.

Nobody pays that much money
to get themselves out

- of a bloody phase.
- He wasn't a priest.

He was a...

spiritual figure.

He was a charlatan
and you're a div.

Well, it worked, didn't it?

Oh, bollocks did it.

Do you really think
your sexuality can be done away

with a few cups of poison?
Don't be daft, Niall. Jesus!

Well, then how come
I haven't done anything

since then?

Because you haven't
been tested yet.

Trust me. It will creep up
on you in your darkest hour.

These things always do.

Jesus Christ,
just stop it, will you?

You should be happy for me.

I am happy, love.

I'm just trying to make you see
the full picture.

Can you honestly look me
in the eye

and say you're certain
you want a child?

Yes, Mum. Yes, I can.

Well, then do it.

I'm certain.

Hmm.

The thing to forget
is anything the books tell you.

Truth is, it can take a while
for that bond to form,

particularly for the dads.

Excuse me.

It's, uh, Niall, isn't it?

Yeah.

What did I just say?

Uh... Something to do
with the dads?

Yes.
Very nearly a full sentence.

Just that
it is natural for the dad

to take longer
to connect to the baby.

f*cking twat.

"What did I just say?"

Like I'm some schoolkid.

He just wants to make sure
everyone's moving

- at the same pace.
- Yeah, he always looks at me

when he makes
the negative points, though.

Well, you give off the vibe
of an absent father, to be fair.

- How do I?
- Runs in the family.

Your father was
an absent father, was he not?

- He died.
- Exactly.

You don't get much more absent
than that, do you?

Oh, Jesus, what now?

What the f*ck is he doing here?

Ruben?

What are you doing here?

- I just need a word.
- Everything okay?

We'll be fine.

Just give us a second, will you?

The other night.

Dance class.

I want to know what you saw.

I didn't see anything.

Was Benji there?

Yeah, I think so.

What happened?

Nothing.

- They talked?
- Yeah.

Well, then something happened,
didn't it?

Well, a talk
doesn't mean anything.

Describe it.

The interaction.

Well, he... went up
at the end of the class.

- They hugged...
- They hugged?

- Yeah.
- They f*cking hugged.

- m*therf*cker!
- Ruben, that is too...

That's too far! It was a...

It was...
It was like a friendly hug.

- Do it on me.
- No.

- I can't indulge this...
- The hug. Do it on me.

Okay, I'm Mona. You're Benji.
Do it on me.

- Come on.
- Well, it was just like...

She may as well
have sucked his c*ck!

- This is insane!
- No, it's not. Okay?

I want you to do better here,
moving forward.

I can't keep doing this.
I can't. I have a life.

What f*cking life do you have?

- You're practically unemployed.
- Well, even so,

I'm not gonna spend it
spying on your wife.

Tough sh*t!

When you get yourself a life,
you can complain

I'm pulling you from it.

So, you're f*cking doing this,
all right?

'Cause I've got
your f*cking ba*ls, Bambi.

Don't forget it, yeah?

Yeah? Do you understand?

- Do you understand?
- Yes.

Good.

Good.

Is there anything else
you need to say? Hmm?

Yeah.

Uh...

Ava's pregnant.

Huh.

Wow.

Wow.

That's amazing.

Honestly, that's, uh...

That's amazing.

I'm gonna be an uncle.

Hey? Uncle Rube.

Hey, it's got a nice ring to it.
Yeah.

I'll be the c**t
that comes round

and does the coin trick
behind the ear, huh?

You're not allowed
to teach him it.

Hey, that's my trick, yeah?
You big f*cking shagger.

Yeah? I'm proud of you.

My brother
from another lover, yeah?

Putting your f*cking d*ck
to work.

Hey, hey. Hey.

They should put it
in museums, shouldn't they?

Your c*ck on display, yeah?
Can you imagine?

Big f*cking d*ck
with a strong seed.

All the people in the museum
wandering around, looking over.

I bet never in a million years

would they think it was strapped
to a f*cking body this meek.

Yeah, or a face
this f*cking scrawny, hey?

I bet they thought
it'd be strapped

to some f*cking
big bison of a c**t,

some f*cking, like,
Greek muscly f*ck,

some f*cking Russian c**t, yeah?

- Yeah? Hey, hey.
- Don't...

Hey, why don't you show me it, yeah?

f*ck it, hey?

- Come on, show me, hey?
- Don't...

Hey.
Niall, show me. Show me.

- Show me, hey?
- Ruben, don't!

I just wanna catch
a glimpse. Come on, mate.

- Don't... Get off!
- Hey. Hey. Hey. No, no.

It's like a f*cking trophy,
isn't it, hey?

Hey, hey, f*cking show me.

Yeah. Come on.
Come on, Niall, hey?

It's like a big f*cking trophy,
isn't it?

- Hey.
- Get off!

Come on, Niall, yeah?
Yeah? Come on, Niall.

- Come on, it's for f*cking...
- No!

Come on, Niall.
Get it out, yeah?

What the f*ck are you doing?

Yeah? No, no, no,
come on, come on, come on.

- Come on, I want to see the big f*cking shagging...
- No! f*cking get off!

- Impregnating f*cking piece.
- Ruben, stop!

You're gonna do better for me
moving forward, are you, yeah?

You're gonna f*cking keep
an eye on her.

You're gonna f*cking keep
an eye on her, are you?

- Huh? Yeah?
- Stop it!

- Huh?
- Get off!

- Yeah?
- Ruben!

What the hell's going on here?

Nothing.
We're just messing around.

Look, it's getting late, yeah,

so maybe you can come back
another time.

You big f*cking shagger.

You big shagger! Yes!

- Hey, mister.
- Hey.

Where's Ruben?

He left this morning
for Aberdeen.

He'll be offshore next week,

so we'll all get a bit
of peace from him.

Do you fancy some soup?
I'm going to put a pot on.

- Sure. I'll just finish up here.
- No, you won't.

You've got
more important work to do.

Follow me.

You're probably the first person
to use this.

I was thinking you could write
some of your book

and read me it later.

Here's the Wi-Fi code.

And if you get chilly,

Ruben's dressing gown's
on the back of the door.

I'm excited to read some.

Here you go.

- It's a bit hot.
- Oh, thanks.

Go on, then.

- Read me some.
- Oh, no, no.

I'll feel self-conscious.

Well, I'll close my eyes, then.
You can whisper to me.

"Billy looked up to Cosmo,
who was everything he was not.

He had a violent,
unafraid quality,

like he could go off
any time somehow."

Sounds like Ruben.

"He was tall, slim,
with jet-black hair,

and seemed to have
a succession of girls

throwing themselves
at him constantly,

all of whom he would brush off

without a single care
in the world.

Apart from Kara Alice,

the top girl
in the whole school.

Every boy fancied her.

She had this rare,
wispy quality,

like she was
unattainable somehow.

And Billy didn't know
whether it was youth

or good looks
or adolescent projection

on his part, but she..."

Uh...

Keep going.

"she walked like fairy dust...

as though brightening
every corner of the school."

Well, I don't know about you...

but I'm feeling every inch
of this book.

- It's honestly fine.
- Ruben? What the hell?

I thought you were going
to Aberdeen today.

Yeah, I'm...
I'm going in a minute.

I just came round
to drop these off.

Say congratulations.

Sit.

Look, I...

I wouldn't be a man if I didn't
come round and say...

I'm happy for you.

You know, Ava...

you're going to be a great mum.

And, Niall, you're going
to be a dad.

But I'm also coming round...

to say that I'm calling
in my debts.

Ruben, don't do this.

- What debts?
- Niall owes me 30K.

What?
I thought you paid that.

- Why are you doing this, Ruben?
- Because once you have a kid,

you'll never have the money
to pay me back.

Niall, what's going on here?

Is this because Ava's pregnant?

What makes you say
that, brother?

I'm happy for you.

No, it's just I know
you've been trying really hard.

She told you?

She f*cking told you?

- She f*cking told you!
- Ruben, wait, wait!

She f*cking told you!
I'll f*cking k*ll her!

- I'll f*cking k*ll her!
- Oh, my God, Niall.

Are you okay?

- I need to go after him.
- No, no you don't.

- Niall, you might be concussed.
- No, I have to.

- No.
- I have to go.

- Niall, no.
- Ava!

- No!
- Let me go.

Niall!

Oh, sh*t!

- Get your f*cking sh*t...
- Ruben. Ruben, stop. Wait!

- Out my f*cking house!
- Wait, we can talk about this, Ruben.

I can't believe you. I f*cking
can't believe you. Ruben, please!

- f*cking telling him my sh*t.
- Please! Why are you doing this?

I told you, didn't I?
I f*cking told you.

- Let's talk about this.
- What the hell's going on?

This is what you get. It's her!

- Telling my sh*t to people!
- Ruben, stop.

Shouting her mouth off
at people!

Ruben, stop before someone calls
the police. Stop it.

- That's not yours to give away!
- Stop it!

Do you understand?
I f*cking told you!

Is there a problem here?

- Shut the f*ck up!
- Ruben, stop.

- Shut the f*ck up.
- Ruben, stop!

- You fat c**t! You want some, yeah?
- Look...

- You fat f*cking c**t!
- Ruben, look at me!

- Walk away! Walk away!
- Look at me!

- Look at me! Stop it!
- Yeah, what you looking at?

- Stop it! Hey, look at me!
- Yeah, you f*cking walk away!

You're gonna lose everything
if you don't f*ck off right now!

Look at what you've built.
Look at what you've got.

If they call the police,
you're gonna lose it all

and you're gonna end up
back in prison.

- Ruben, I'm sorry.
- Don't even go there.

- I'm so...
- Don't even f*cking go there.

f*ck!

What did you say to him?

I'm so sorry, Mona.
He forced it out of me.

Are you okay?

- Are you all right?
- Look what he's done.

I know. I know.
I didn't know he'd do this.

Why don't we get you
back inside, all right?

- Yeah.
- And I'll fix this. Okay.

Come on.

Let's go. Let's go.

We'll get everything cleaned up.

Hey.

Hey, what's wrong?

f*ck. It's my life.

I know I should leave him...

but I just...

love him so much.

I know he can't help it.

But it's k*lling me.

Look, I feel like
I'm betraying him here

by saying this, but...

you deserve better.

I love Ruben.

But he's lost his mind.

He's away with the fairies now.

In fact, even the fairies
have had enough of him.

No.

Jesus Christ!

Are you okay?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Don't apologize. Just tell
me what the hell is going on.

No, I am. I'm...
I'm sorry.

I'm really, really sorry.

What happened
with the money, Niall?

- I can't say.
- Yes, you can.

That was my dad's money.

I need to know
what you spent it on.

Niall?

- What did you spend it on?
- I did these courses.

I did these...

straightening-me-out type
courses.

What?

That's not okay, Niall.

What did they do?

I drank stuff.

Looked at images.
Threw up a bit.

What, and you spent 30K on this?

No.

No, he asked for direct debit
and then he emptied my account.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Niall.

Why can't you just be happy
with that side of yourself?

It's the 21st century.
Nobody cares anymore.

It doesn't make me feel
any better.

I mean, the fact that the world
is progressing

only adds to the problem
because not only am I ashamed...

- bloody irrational too.
- I get that.

But when you told me,
I said it didn't matter.

As long as it didn't interfere
with our relationship.

Besides, everyone
who matters knows.

Your mum knows. I know.

Christ, from what I understand,

every truck driver
in Glasgow knows.

- I don't see why it's a problem.
- Because I don't know!

Look, you need to get some help.

Some proper help.

Because I don't have it in me
to fix someone

who won't show me their parts.

I will.

I don't know where to start.

Start with the biggest thing...

and work back from there.

Mona, look,
I just wanted to pop round

and see how you were, really.

Yeah, fine, I suppose.

It was a...

a moment of madness, but...

I don't think
we should get worked up over it

or punish ourselves.

Yeah, I agree.

So, are you feeling, like...
okay about it?

I don't know how to feel,
if I'm honest.

I haven't allowed
any emotion in.

I'm good that way.

Yeah,
but this is pretty big, Mona.

You slept with his brother...
on his kitchen floor,

the floor he tiled.

Yeah, I know.
I was there, Niall.

Sorry, Mona.
Is everything all right?

You're being a bit cold.

I'm just compartmentalizing.

- It's how I cope.
- Yeah, I get that.

- But with his brother, Mona?
- Oh, please!

Are you really trying to get me
to realize my guilt here, Niall?

You are the brother!

Yeah, no, I know that. I just...

Look, can you
not do that, please?

Jesus, Mona.

Why are you being
so chill about this?

If you must know...

I've been here before.

What, on Ruben?

This is the first time
I've had sex behind his back.

Wait, are we talking
about Benji here?

That twat with the mustache?

It doesn't matter who it was.

Oh, my God, it is him, isn't it?

So, all of Ruben's suspicion
around this, it's justified.

It's not justified, Niall.

There's no excuse
to treat me the way he has,

regardless of what I've done.

You've f*cking
driven him insane!

- He pushed me there!
- Oh, really?

Did he push your hand
on his c*ck as well?

Do you know what, Niall?

I don't think this has anything
to do with Ruben

or anything like that.

This is to do with the fact

you've realized
you're not as special

as you thought you were.

Now, nip out, will you?
I need to get my glam on.

We can talk
about this another time.

Newborns get very cold.

So, the first thing to do
is minimize the amount of time

that they're undressed.
But the best thing to do is...

Oh, mayday, mayday.

We have a fully
clothed baby drowning.

Niall Kennedy.

You have the right
to remain silent.

- Anything you do say...
- Oh, why don't you f*ck off?

Okay, so the best thing to do...

- What was that?
- He's a prick.

- Go back and apologize.
- No chance.

He should be apologizing to me.
I pay the man.

He has no right to talk to me
the way he does.

Well, I pay you, so I can talk
to you the way I want then.

You're a disgrace,
Niall Kennedy,

a child in man's clothing.

Yeah, yeah, you can shout
at me tomorrow.

I'm shouting at you now!

I'm staying at my sister's

so you can bloody think
about what you've done here.

Because you don't get
to steal my money

and f*ck up
these classes as well.

And trust me,
if you do it again,

your visits will be supervised.

Last f*cking chance.

Yo, it's Ruben.

Leave a message.

Yo, it's Ruben. Leave a message.

Ruben, it's Niall.

I... I know that you're offshore
right now,

but... but I... I found out
some information on Benji,

and, uh...

Look, I tell you what,
I'm coming to Aberdeen.

Hi. Yeah, hi. Uh...

I'm wondering if I could speak
to, uh, Ruben Pallister.

Uh... I'm his brother,
and I... I, uh...

I really need to get in touch
with him somehow.

- Ruben Pallister?
- Yeah.

Never heard of him.

Oh, yeah, uh,
he... he's... he's a rigger here.

But he comes in here
for payroll stuff

every now and again,
I don't know.

But, I mean, he, uh... I mean,
he definitely works here.

Here, Bill.

Do you... Do you know
a Ruben Pallister?

Oh, Pallie.
Is that who you mean?

Aye, yeah.

Yeah, I remember him.
He got let go of ages ago.

Wait, what?

No, no...

But that can't be,
'cause, I... I mean, he's...

No, I mean,
he's offshore right now, no?

I can check for you. Um...

No, no Ruben Pallister here.

Right. Uh...

Well, uh...

Do you know where
I might be able to find him?

I mean, I think he's staying
with an old colleague here.

- A guy called Roy.
- Okay. Uh... Well...

Do you have his address?

Ruben!

Ruben! Ruben, wait!

There you go.

Talk to me.

They're telling me
you've been sacked.

Well, if that's
what they're saying.

How long ago was this?

About a year ago.

A year?

But you're up here all the time.

Yeah, well, I had
to keep up the pretense

while I figured out what to do.

It's why my phone's
been off as well.

Jesus, Ruben.

What happened?

Nothing. It was HR bullshit.

My f*cking supervisor
was pressing me

and I lashed out.
It wasn't even that bad.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Just put him up
against the wall,

threatened to k*ll his family.

I was gone within a week.

I don't understand. A year ago,
you were lending me money.

Yeah, well, I maxed out a ton
of credit cards keeping it up.

What?

- And you did that for me?
- I did that for everyone.

Why?

Because I liked it.

I like being the provider.

I knew my place in the world.

So, that's why you've been
asking for it all back?

Hmm.

You can't keep
doing this, though.

- You need to declare bankruptcy.
- Nah, f*ck that.

Men don't declare bankruptcy.
Don't be ridiculous.

I just need to find a new job.

But it's hard.

Prison sentence and all that.

I mean, come on.

What kind of man would I be...

if on top of not being able
to give her kids,

I couldn't pay
the mortgage as well?

And you know the worst part
about all this?

You were totally right.

You said back in that hospital
that I'd f*ck it up.

And I did.

So, you can have
your popcorn, Niall.

I hope it tastes sweet.

Well, it doesn't, Ruben.
I can assure you that.

She can't find out, son.

She can't find out.

But, Ruben, you surely
can't do this forever.

She's not worth this.

She's not worth
a lifetime of debt.

She is, mate.

She's worth that and more
and everything in between.

Listen to me.

All right? I'm begging you.

Don't say a word.
Not to her, not to anyone.

Look, please, brother.

Do this for me.

You won't tell anyone, will you?

No.

Of course.

For all that
we've been through...

I still trust you
more than anyone.

Hi, honey.

Come in.

What's your excuse this time?

I was with a male prost*tute.

Oh.

Any good?

No.

Not really.

Couldn't relax.

Did you c*m?

Yeah, but I, uh...

you know...

wasn't relaxed.

I can't even.

What is it?

Can we sit down?

I need to talk
to you about something.

It's late.

Let's go in here.

You know something.

- What do you mean?
- You know something.

I turned on my phone.

Got your voicemail.

Something happened
when I was gone.

Something to do with Benji.

Oh, no. I, uh...

got the wrong end of the stick.

You know I have other means
of getting it out of you.

It's in your head.

I swear.

No.

Someone's changed her.

I can feel it
in the space between us.

She's off somehow.

There's no proof, Ruben.

I went back home
before I came here.

I found my dressing gown...

on the floor in my office.

It smelled
of someone else, uh...

I couldn't place it.

Well, I don't know
the extent of it.

- m*therf*cker!
- Wait, I didn't say anything!

Ruben, you didn't let me finish!

- I didn't need to!
- Wait.

- f*cking hell!
- Ruben!

Ruben, wait!

The address!
I need the f*cking address!

Wait, what? Which address?
- Well, for f*cking Benji!

- Ruben's on his way there now!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Okay, it's Blanchard Street, 16.
- Okay.

Okay. f*ck!