05x17 - El Paso (Part 2)

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Come on, El Paso.

- Oh, my God.

Look at this.

- Hello.

- Where's Angelina?

- She didn't come.

- All this beef that everybody has with me, I'm so over it.

I'm so--I'm so [bleep] drained.

- These girls are going on Twitter

tweeting about me leaking a wedding speech

when I had nothing to do with it.

- It's so messy that I feel that, like, it interferes with,

like, my own progress as a person.

- The old Sitch is kind of battling with the new Sitch.

- Oh, no.

- Yeah, so--

- Let me find out old Sitch is back.

[bleep] it. I'm here for it. - Hell yeah.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[twangy music]

- ♪ You can run out ♪

♪ Yeah run out that door ♪

♪ You can run out ♪

- Mike's cooking.

This feels like old times.

- OGs only.

- New Mike never made breakfast.

- The old Mike makes breakfast.

- Mike. - Yo, what up?

- Good morning. I knew it.

- What's happening right now?

- What did I tell you?

- You do prefer the old Mike.

- But we're hungry. - Yeah, exactly.

- You know what I mean?

- Yo, the old Mike wasn't so bad.

The man cooked for everyone.

- I got the filet on the grill.

I got the chicken parm in the oven.

I got the pasta on top of the stove.

- Old Sitch cooked the food.

BDS just eats it.

- Stop it; you guys are crazy.

Pauly and Vinny are always trying to tease me.

They're like, "Oh, my God.

The real Mike is back."

- The villain is back.

- I'll be honest with you.

There is an eternal struggle.

What's the Batman quote, where he's like--

- I don't know. - Oh, I got to--

I got to look it up.

"You either die a hero or live long enough to see

yourself become the villain."

- There you go.

That's--put it on a shirt.

- This is like, now I feel like I'm on vacation.

Like, if you sit outside and have, like, a coffee.

- I'll bet you bucks to climb a palm tree.

- Climb a palm tree?

- I'll give you $.

- I'll try.

- Are you serious?

I got to go to the bank.

- I could climb a palm tree.

I mean, I climbed a rock wall in Miami.

- Get set, let's race!

- Come on, D! - Let's race!

- I'm stuck. I can't reach.

- Ahh.

- And the winner is-- - Yeah, b*tches!

- The underdog.

- Let me see.

This is pokey.

- Oh, my God, look at you.

- This is very pokey.

Ah!

My God.

Oh, my God, I'm bleeding.

- Oh, no, do you need a medic?

What did you-- oh.

- Wait.

Oh, my God, is this like a poisonous palm tree?

Lookit.

It's pokey.

When does palm trees have pokeys?

I just got frickin', like, slashed by a palm tree.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, is it poisonous?

Oh, my God.

No, really.

Should we find out?

- The worst person ever to give--

- [bleep].

- Of course, Deena, out of all the people,

gets stabbed by a palm tree.

- Is it poisonous?

Is it poisonous?

Jenni, if I die, it's your fault.

[upbeat funky music]

♪ ♪

[organ music]

♪ ♪

- I started going back to church

because things have been very, very, very hard for me.

The roommates are coming for me.

My husband is trying to, like, you know,

throw dirt on my name.

I'll bless my new nose.

I feel like I need God in my life.

Thank you, God, for letting plastic surgery be a thing.

I've been trying to, like, figure out how to pray.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God, guys.

I bet Deena to climb a palm tree, and she did.

But she stabbed herself. - Oh, [bleep].

- And now she thinks she's poisoned.

- Well, it doesn't--

- Oh, there we go.

- How'd you find that?

- What kind of palm tree has a pokey?

- They do, yeah. - They do?

- Yeah.

- Was it green? - It was green.

- Go wash it under there.

- [bleep].

- El Paso palm trees are known to carry hepatitis.

- In only iron-deficient females.

- Shut up.

- Pauly always has to mess with us girls, especially Deener.

[burps] So sorry.

Because we know that Deena can be like, what's the word?

- A who?

- We got to get a medic-- is that swelling?

- Shut up, Pauly.

- Holy [bleep].

Your limbs will swell or something.

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

- OK.

- Let's go sit outside.

It's nice.

- It's so nice out.

- It's so nice. - Oh, [bleep].

There actually are poisonous palm trees.

- I was trying to tell you.

- Aw, man.

She's going to bug the [bleep] out.

- It's true. - I'm not telling her.

- I'm not going to lie. - I'm not telling her.

- We have them in Vegas. - I'm not telling her.

That's all you.

- I feel obligated. - Hey.

- Hey. - It's so nice out.

- Yeah, it's so nice out.

- Are you OK?

- Yeah, I'm good. - He just--

- Oh, my God.

- No, no, he just told me something--

- Now this is going to be all day, all day.

- He just told me something that I had no idea.

- Is it with her [indistinct].

- What? What?

What? - They're poisonous.

- What? - Yeah.

- Oh, great.

- Now we're going to have to rush this b*tch to the ER.

- No, it really does say that.

- Yeah. - I know.

- It's definitely a poisonous one.

- Yeah.

- Now I'm starting to get worried, like,

are they joking?

- Where are you going?

- I'm going to go find a medic.

What's gonna-- is it poisonous?

Am I gonna like-- is my hand gonna fall off?

Is there a medic over here?

I just want to make sure this isn't poisonous.

- How bad did you cut it?

- Probably gonna die.

- The palm trees, they won't be poisonous.

- So are you sure? 'Cause I did Google, and it says that

some trees could be poisonous.

- Yeah, I'm positive.

[organ music]

- Hi.

How are you?

- I'm so sorry.

You look absolutely wonderful.

- Thank you.

Father Joe is a really great, great guy.

He was the priest that married Chris and I at our wedding.

- It is my greatest joy, as a priest,

to now declare you both husband and wife.

Chris, you may kiss the bride.

[cheers and applause]

- I've been wanting to fill him in lately on what's going

on with Chris and I and, like, all the drama

and all the [bleep], because it's just too much.

- You know from the day we met I had

this special bond with you.

- Yes.

- You are a good, decent, kind, beautiful woman.

- Thank you.

- And this is something that is hard

that many people go through.

But I also don't think it's the end.

I think that you--

you have a great opportunity.

To be honest, before I met you, I didn't watch it.

But now, I watch it, and I'm addicted to it.

Mike, The Situation, he has transformed

his life because of mistakes and substance abuse.

And he is a whole new different person.

- He's still a little bit, like,

the same Mike a little bit.

Like he's a [bleep]-stirrer.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, God.

- Could I give you a blessing? - Sure.

I would love that.

I actually need it.

- Heavenly Father, please bless this woman.

I was so honored to bless her on her wedding day.

Today, I bless her. Amen.

- Amen.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

I really needed that.

- All right.

Breakfast is in the building.

Does everyone have eggs?

- Yes, sir.

- All right, so we're good.

- Thank you, guys, for cooking.

- Thank you.

- All of us being together is just, like, old-school so--

- Yeah, old times. - Yeah, it's great.

All right, guys, let's say some grace real quick.

I just wanna let you guys all know that I love you guys.

Thank you, God, for bringing us together.

And also, let's enjoy the day.

Because we are going searching for the most fire taco today.

- Ooh.

- Today, Big Daddy Sitch is planning a taco tour

in the daytime and then have Pauly's show at night,

taco about a good day.

We're going taco hunting tonight.

- Salud.

Whoever wants to see Vinny strip, raise their hand!

[all shouting]

- Tear the roof off this b*tch.

- Uh, uh, uh. - Come on.

- I think I might be a little drunk.

[burps] Oh, my.

- Ooh, I've been doing that all day.

[upbeat music]

- Whoa, new nose. Who this?

- Why couldn't you come?

- Get off the phone, Mike. I'm mad at you.

- What-- oh, damn.

We got beef already?

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ ♪

[doorbell rings]

- Ooh, something's here.

- Room service.

- Oh, perfect.

God, this is heavy.

My surprise for the roommates finally arrived.

I have a surprise!

Come to the living room!

You guys are gonna love it!

- Sir.

- I'm tired of Deena surprises.

- I had an idea about doing, like, a cookie exchange.

Oh, yay, everybody's wearing their jammies!

Welcome to m*rder mystery dinner!

- Like you never with this girl now.

- So I feel like we're in Texas.

We haven't been all together in a while.

We are getting dressed up today, people!

- What in the world?

- I knew you girls would love it.

- I love it!

- That is not a good look for me, man.

- Oh.

Oh, my God, I love it.

- Look, Mike's all about it.

- Look in the mirror.

- Howdy, partner.

We got a situation.

- Yeah, that's a no for me, dawg.

That's a no for me.

Deena, for some reason, thought I

was going to get this cowboy hat over the blowout,

which I can't do.

- Yee-haw.

Howdy, y'all.

This is my pet bull.

Today, we're going to drink some margaritas

and have some tacos.

- I think I could do this Texas life.

- OK. - Vinny thinks he's hot.

Look at him.

- Yeah, someone take a picture of me.

- You kind of look like a cowboy.

- Howdy, partner.

This is another amazing idea by Deena.

Me and my a bunch of scallywags are gonna go rob a bank.

It's going to be lit.

- You guys look like you're in "Brokeback Mountain"

about to get it on in the tent.

- Oh, we are.

- ♪ Boot scoot and boogie ♪

- Thank you, guys, for being such good sports.

I'm getting dressed.

[together] ♪ Jesus take me to the higher ground ♪

[together] ♪ Just show me the way ♪

- ♪ Just show me the way ♪

- I want you to share some advice to these new couples.

- I would love that.

Father Joe had asked me to speak

to couples about, you know, my experiences in marriage.

- I'm probably not the best person right now,

to do something like this.

But this is, like, something that God

is telling me I have to do.

[ethereal music]

- When I agreed to marry Angelina,

I got to meet a real amazing person.

And what I actually wanted Angelina to share with you is

what love means and what she believes this promise of faith

is all about.

- For me, I knew my husband for years.

And I was with him for five years.

Unfortunately, now we're at the stage of getting a divorce.

Being married is a blessing, but then it's also,

you know, a Catch-.

It's great, but it's not.

Chris, I gotta get ready.

- Yeah, [bleep]. Come on.

Hold on, man.

- Oh, it stinks already.

- Close the [bleep] door, man.

- You have problems.

A lot of stuff has happened.

But it's, like, when you have fire and fire,

it's like an expl*si*n.

You knew that you didn't marry a person that

shuts the [bleep] up, so don't think I'm

gonna shut the [bleep] up now.

- Shut the [bleep] up.

For me, it was kind of like resentment

started settling in.

There's, you know, rumors.

He's getting--

- --blow jobs from the city. - [bleep].

- It's--the intimacy was a very big thing for us

that fell off with that also.

I want to get [bleep] and ducked

- [laughs] - I want to be--

- She wants to be thrown against the wall.

- Yep.

You have to keep it spicy.

- What room did you guys bang in first?

- We haven't. - Not yet?

- Stop it. You didn't christen the house yet?

- You have to christen every room.

- Communication and how communication is, like,

the biggest thing.

Christopher!

Is this [bleep] normal?

Christopher. Christopher. Christopher.

Are you even listening?

If you don't have that, you really--

you really have nothing.

There's so much.

I could just go on and on.

[upbeat funky music]

- ♪ He said it's worth some for a real one ♪

♪ He wanna see that boogie jiggle and then some ♪

- All right.

- Oh, my God.

There we go.

Cool.

- Come on, cowboys and cowgirls.

Howdy, partner.

I'm here to drink all the margaritas today, [bleep].

Oh, my God.

I sound like a gangster.

- Everybody call me Jimmy today.

- Jimmy? - Yeah.

- We should have cowboy names.

- I think my name is going to be El Pauly D.

- Let me look up famous cowboy names.

All right, so I got Wyatt, Jesse, Buck.

- Ew.

Wait, can you do girls?

- Ryder.

- No, we're not doing that.

- I can't believe Vinny slept with her.

- I can't believe you slept with her.

- Stop. Don't bring her up.

- Hey, partner. - Howdy.

- Howdy, partner.

- I'm here with my g*ng of bandits.

- And we fixing to get us some tacos.

- We're going to have some drinks and have some fun.

both: On the count of three, say yee-haw.

[laughter]

- , , .

all: Yee-haw.

- I just think that things could

have just been way different.

And now, I learned so much, like what

not to do next time around.

I really hope these couples take my advice

into effect in their marriage.

Because I have seen it firsthand

what can ruin a frickin' marriage.

I'm living it right now.

- Any questions for Angelina that

are on your mind or anything that you are thinking

about or going through?

Please. - I have a question.

- Sure.

- I noticed you still have your ring on.

Is that an active choice every day?

- It is, yeah.

I-- you know, I take it off sometimes.

But most of the time, I wear it.

I don't know.

I just feel like I feel more comfortable with it on.

- That maybe says something. - It is a choice.

- Well, they're sacred symbols of faith and love,

of promises.

So it's an act of choice. - It really is.

This is-- and this is the wedding, the one.

- I know. - Wedding.

- Your wedding band. - Wedding band.

- The promise that you made. - Yep.

- Can we give this beautiful woman

a round of applause though?

- Thank you.

[applause]

Thank you. So cute.

[upbeat funky music]

- Yeah, man.

Actually, horses, eh?

- Howdy, partner.

- Come on, Bertha.

- Come on, we're going to have a good day.

- Come on, mamas.

- We gonna have a good day today.

Here we go!

- Yee-haw! - Yee-haw!

- Mike, I'm surprised you didn't

bring the assless chaps--

- You know what?

I only bring out BDSM for the wife.

- Oh.

- It's literally Mexico.

- I've been on tour, just not a taco tour.

- Exactly.

- Let's get in.

- It's taco time.

- Is this the place to get the finest tacos in the land?

- Oh, nice. - OK.

- BDS' palate is about to go on a journey,

a journey of tacos.

- They said this is the spot to go, though, so we

want some of your finest.

I wanna try everything they have

to offer to get a full feel for what

they have out here in Texas.

Oh, taco number one.

First taco down the hatch, amazing.

- I wanna try one.

- You guys are gonna die.

- Oh, yeah. - Oh, it's bad.

Oh.

- [bleep]. - Never mind.

- I don't know if I like that.

- You OK? - [coughing]

[rock music]

- What you got?

- Cauliflower.

- Ooh.

- Second taco down the hatch.

Let the party begin. Taco tour.

It's going to be amazing.

Fish, sweet potato,

shrimp, brisket.

- Mike is having tacos, right now,

as the food before the food, the food,

and the food after the food.

I'm like, Mike, this is the first place.

You're only supposed to have a taste of this one.

He's having a full meal.

- I feel like we should take, like, a little break

and go to, like, a bar or something.

- Yeah. - A detour of the taco tour?

- OK, well, I found a bar.

It's called the Prickly Elder.

- So let's to another bar.

- Guys, we're fitting in great.

- We're a sore thumb.

No one's wearing cowboy hats.

- Well, I thought they all wore this kind of stuff.

- They do, just at the rodeo. - [laughs]

- Off to Prickly Elder.

- Looks like a house.

- Yeah.

- It reminds me of my grandmother's house.

- It reminds me of my grandma's house.

I feel cozy.

- This bar, it's like your grandma's house.

Never seen something like this.

Like this place is so cute.

- Are you guys going to the DJ Pauly D show tonight?

If you need tickets, let me know.

I know a guy. Yeah.

About to be lit.

- He's a stripper. - I am.

- He is.

He's a-- he's a headlining stripper.

- Yeah, if you ever want to book me

on like a Friday night-- - At Chippendale's.

- --you know, I'll give you a discount.

- Do it, Vinny!

- Do it!

Do it!

Whoever wants to see Vinny strip, raise their hand!

[all shouting]

- I'm a professional, OK.

- Yep, Vinny, once again, proved why he's a chooch.

He's a stripper that don't want to strip.

- You guys ready for more tacos?

- Let's go.

- This place is amazing.

- Thank you.

- Listen, you only get one shot to do your first taco tour.

And I take that very seriously.

- These boots get heavy after a while.

- My boots are made for walking.

- We're going to the next place in a trolley.

It's cool, right?

- Wow, this is different.

- Whoa, cool.

This is like a party bus.

- Vinny, they got a stripper pole.

- Oh, this is different. - Oh, now we're talking.

- Vinny, they got a stripper pole.

- Now we're talking.

- Next stop, Fool's Gold, guys.

[all cheering]

- Yee-haw.

[organ music]

- Angelina, I bless you in the name of the Father and

of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

- It's been very refreshing for me to be at church.

Thank you. Amen.

- And actually, if you wanna bless yourself in front

of the Blessed Mother.

- Oh, really?

At church, you can go in there, feel grounded.

You could pray, drink some wine,

put some holy waters on my t*tties.

It's like positivity all around in church.

Amen.

- May God bless you always. - Same.

- Perfect. - I didn't get to meet you--

- Father Rix, Father Rix.

- Yeah, nice to meet you.

- Father Joe has told me so much about you.

- Thank you.

- Really, I mean, I feel for what you're going through

right now, so you know. - Yeah.

- Actually, if you don't mind, could I share a little bit?

- Yeah.

- I knew his wife.

The marriage lasted just a year,

and it ended very painfully.

[upbeat piano music]

- I did not know priests can get married.

Didn't know that they could get divorced.

Did you meet somebody else?

Like are you happy? Like...

- I'm happy I haven't met anyone else yet.

- That will come.

- Hopefully, you can stop by the mission sometime.

- Definitely. - Definitely.

- Yeah.

Asked me to come back to the church.

Nice to meet you.

This is probably the way that he slides up in girls' DMs.

- Wonderful to meet you too.

- I can't frickin' date a priest.

Come on, me?

No, that church would be going up in flames.

- It's only the Roman Catholic Church

that can't have relationships.

- I love that you can do that.

Some people got to get it in, right?

- Oh, dear God.

But in all seriousness, please take care of yourself.

And I want you to keep that sense of humor.

That matters most. - I try.

I'm trying my best.

- I love you, I love you. You're doing it.

- Thank you. - All right.

God loves you. - Christianmingle.com.

- Oh, God.

Bless you. - Bye.

- All right, guys.

I hope you left some room because we are here.

This is where you get the famous dollar tacos.

- Oh, all right.

- How are you still hungry?

I need a liver transplant.

- Who's hungry?

Oh, [bleep].

Is this the way in?

Oh, yo.

- It's a speakeasy.

- So this place is a vibe.

It's like a speakeasy, where you have

to open the refrigerator to get through the entrance

of this bar. - Guys, I'm hungry.

- Guys, I'm hungry.

- Yeah, let's go in the fridge.

Oh, [bleep].

- Yay!

- Mike loves his foods, so this is right up his alley.

[laughs]

- Hi.

- How much are the dollar tacos?

- This is al pastor, ay.

Al pastor, ay.

- I had to talk to a pastor once in church.

- ♪ I can't get enough ♪

♪ I can't get enough, can't get enough ♪

- I like the seasoning of the other one better.

- I like the spicy sauce.

- I give it an ..

- Cheers to El Paso.

- Cheers.

Sir, what's your name again?

- El Situatione.

[dramatic music]

- Get out of here.

You're not welcome here.

- My name is El Situatione, and I travel--

[buzzer blares]

And I travel this hater to a duel.

- The last man that challenged me ain't alive to see the day.

- Win a quick draw.

Who's the fastest shot in town?

Duel! Duel!

Duel!

Quick draw!

Whoever draws the g*ns first, we'll draw your phone.

But we're gonna do it with our phones.

Who could sh**t a picture fast enough?

On my cue, boys.

- Let's go, boys.

- OK, gentlemen.

, , , go!

♪ ♪

[g*n clicking]

- Yee-haw!

[g*nsh*t]

- We're not-- we're doing a stare down first.

- No.

- You take three steps, and I'll say turn.

You turn, then you stare.

- Then you stare and you say-- - Until we give a cue.

- Yeah, yeah. - Winner!

We have a winner!

El Situatione! El Situatione!

- We don't just turn around and sh**t each other.

That's not how it works.

- Well, I lost, but Mike played the game wrong.

- Whoo-hoo!

- That is why you are not the godfather.

- You two do it, but do it the right way.

- The meatballs do it. - Yeah.

- You're going down.

- Get out of here.

- , , , turn.

♪ ♪

- Go! [g*nsh*t]

- I won!

[together] Ohh!

- Got him!

- Pauly against Jenni.

- You're going down, sister.

I mean, I'm a DJ.

I use my hands all the time.

I got this. - Look at Jenni.

- Go!

- , , .

- Turn.

- Stare down.

- I don't have an angry face because I Botox.

But if I didn't have Botox, it would be very angry.

- Here we go.

Oh!

Winner! Winner! Winner! - You lose.

- Technically, in the real Wild, Wild West,

I would have won because I would have shot his a*s.

- Winner, winner, winner!

Supposed to hold my hand

Winner! - Yes.

- Good job. - Winner.

- You makes me nervous. - Winner.

[upbeat electronic music]

- ♪ I'm gonna shake it off yeah ♪

- We got a big night tonight.

- We do have a big night tonight.

- Pauly D. - Cheers to Pauly.

- I'm happy to have you guys at the show, man.

Fo sho, fo sho.

Salud to me.

- Aw, cheers to Vinny stripping too.

- We're going to have a party for you one day, man.

- One day. - When you least expect it.

- If we're ever together, you know.

- So taco tour is done.

- Oh, yeah.

- It was a success.

- They're so nice here.

- And I am full.

- No thank you.

I don't do shots anymore, girl.

I think they think we're alcoholics.

- That's kind of true.

- Yeah, I guess.

- Damn, taco tours take a lot out of you.

- I'm full.

- I'm having trouble breathing.

- That was a great time.

- That was fun.

- I'm still drunk.

- It's high time for a nap for BDS, kid.

- You're gonna to have some food first, maybe.

- Probably some tacos, yeah.

Little tacos.

- Then we'll have dinner.

- Yeah, yeah, then dinner and then more.

- That's next.

- I need to go pee.

- Ma, we're home.

[upbeat music]

- All right, cowboy.

The game's Horse, get it?

- Yeah.

- Cowboys play horse.

Top of the key, baby.

That's buckets.

These cowboy boots give you a couple of inches.

- Whoo! - Oh!

- Boots are giving me life.

- Uh-huh.

Oh, damn.

- What?

- Mike's tweeting. - Right now?

Isn't he in the house?

- Yeah.

He put, "You either die a hero or live long enough to see

yourself become the villain."

- He looked up that quote today.

- What's the Batman quote?

I got to look it up.

It's a good one.

"You either die a hero or live long enough to see

yourself become the villain."

- There you go.

He's sensing, like, a shift because like old Sitch,

new Sitch-type sh*t.

- OK.

- So we are definitely seeing some signs

that Mike is kind of going back to the old Sitch.

He's definitely battling between being

the new positive person that he is and the old Sitch.

It's a sunny day, man.

- Yep, yep.

- Perfect to leak something to "The Sun."

- [laughs]

- Don't even think about it.

- Let's go!

[upbeat music]

- Here we come about to start up again ♪

♪ We've got the moves to make you so jealous ♪

♪ We ain't holding back ♪

♪ Here we go ♪

♪ We're right on track ♪

♪ And here we are giving all that we've got ♪

♪ Say what you want, try to take the shot ♪

- Jewelry shined up.

El Paso's ready.

I'm ready.

We turning up; we making a movie tonight.

Yeah, buddy.

- Oh, damn.

It's the man in the building, Uncle Pauly D.

- Yeah. - Godfather.

First time we hitting that show.

- What up, my guy? Hey, what's up?

- We're ready. - Hey, ladies.

Well, I have a surprise for everyone.

- I'll take it.

- This has been the longest we've ever

gone without eating Italian.

- Oh.

[upbeat music

♪ ♪

- So I took the liberty of doing some research

and finding the best Italian place in El Paso,

and that's where we're going tonight.

- My man, that's what I'm talking about.

- We're going back to our roots, baby.

- That's what I'm talking about.

- Back to our roots. - Let's go.

- Come on, Pauly D. - Yeah, there.

Pauly D show. Let's go.

- Let's go.

- ♪ Not going back huh? ♪

♪ Ain't going back huh? ♪

♪ She [inaudible] and she a stallion ♪

- Restorante-- - Italiano.

- --Italiano.

- Italian, Italian, Italian.

- Let's go.

Let's go, boys. - Thank you, sir.

- Is this a fancy restaurant? - Oh, so nice.

- I'm so excited to actually have some Italian tonight.

- Oh, damn, cloth napkins.

Yeah, this is nice.

I might be a little bit too loud for up in here.

- And it's cloth napkins.

Like that's how you know it's gonna

be a good Italian restaurant.

[laughs]

- So pretty.

- Thank you.

- This place definitely smells like Jersey.

It smells like garlic and pasta and sauce and just bread.

I mean, I just--

I love it here already.

Mike's gonna order the whole menu.

- Oh, hell yeah.

- Let's see it.

[cell phone rings]

- Is that you?

- What?

- Who is it?

- Oh.

That's weird.

- The girls look like they've seen a ghost.

Like why are you calling my phone right now?

Angeliner.

- Hi.

- Oh, my God.

- I just wanted to say I feel bad that I'm not there, but...

- Oh. - Why couldn't you come?

- Get off the phone, Mike.

I'm mad at you.

- What-- oh, damn.

We got beef already?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[funky music]

[cell phone rings]

- Is that you?

- What?

- Who is it?

- Oh.

- Uh-oh, Hurricane Angeliners on the line.

- Why couldn't you come?

- Get off the phone, Mike.

I'm mad at you.

- What-- oh, damn, we got beef already?

- I always go to Pauly's shows.

I'm the big Pauly supporter, so there's

no problems between us.

Mike, that's another story.

- Oh, you got beef. - We got beef.

- She got beef.

- I'm sorry.

Did I do something wrong?

The husband reached out to me, so I recorded that [bleep].

I'm sending it to the squad right

now because I am shooketh.

- Shut up, d*ck.

- Oh, damn.

You couldn't fly 'cause your nose?

- That and I have a lot going on, so...

- No doubt, no doubt.

- I'm actually going to church.

- Are you serious?

No wonder why my water is boiling.

- But listen, I have to start somewhere.

- All right, so she's going to church.

- Yeah. - Really?

- There you go. - Oh, wow.

- If anybody needs Jesus, it's certainly you.

- You need Jesus.

- I have Jesus.

Jesus is always around me.

Anyway, so have fun tonight.

I know you guys are gonna party it up,

and I wish I was there.

- All right, appreciate it.

- All right. - Good luck tonight.

- All right, thank you.

I do appreciate Angelina calling me and wishing me well

on my show.

There's one thing about Angelina,

she comes to all my shows. - I don't know.

- Bye, guys. - All right.

- Bye. - I don't know.

She said she's mad at me.

I don't know.

- Same.

- Whoa, I was not expecting that.

It's gonna be weird when we see her.

- It is gonna be weird.

I was meeting Angelina's call with positivity.

And she met me with negativity.

Yo, she wants beef with old Situation, kid.

- I saw that. - Yo.

- I didn't think she was mad at you.

What did you do?

- I don't know.

I don't know.

I recorded that [bleep].

I don't know.

And I felt a little disrespected

when she did that.

Like oh, get off the phone.

Like who is who?

You know what I mean? - Yeah.

- Like who is who?

- I don't know why she'll be mad at Mike,

except for the fact that maybe because Mike was talking

to the boyfriends and husbands and side

pieces and ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands.

- Dude called me.

People sent me receipts.

So whatever it is, like I didn't seek any of this out.

- This guy, Mike, has been stirring

the pot this whole time.

Mike definitely, like, put himself in the center

of a lot of this drama.

- It's not my mess or my stress.

But like I'm kind of pissed off right now.

- There's a tweet coming tonight, guys.

- He's pissed.

I'll get my popcorn.

- I was trying to be nice.

Like oh, why didn't you show up?

I was trying to have that conversation when

it needed to happen when she--

- In a nice manner.

- In a nice manner, when she was here in person.

I felt-- - Why don't you--

what about if you, like, walk out and get air?

Mike is just, like, spiraling at this point.

- She's always got a problem with somebody.

Negativity, let it go.

She's an adult. Let go, and let God.

I'm-- I'm like this.

Woosah.

- Like just breathe.

He just needs to relax.

It's all gonna be OK.

- I really don't like being the old Situation.

But for Angeliners, I think I could make the exception.

- Mike, listen, don't let it ruin your night.

I know when things upset you,

you tend to, like, obsess over it.

- Yeah, yeah. - Don't let it upset you, OK.

- This is the old Situation freaking out.

The new Situation doesn't freak out.

The new Situation is positive, can like roll

with the punches, you know?

Listen, like if your side of the street is clean,

you're not gonna feel upset.

Guilty.

- I have to say this place is great.

- It is. - Very good.

- This is a good cutlet, so El Paso

does have good Italian food. - Mm-hmm.

- Everything was really good.

Very impressed with this place. - Listen, we did our thing.

We took advantage of everything El Paso

had to offer, pretty much.

And now, it's time for a Pauly D show.

- Yeah.

- We're turning up tonight. - So excited.

- Yo. - This is my last sentence.

But even in that phone call--

- He's gonna let it go. He's gonna let it go.

He's gonna let it go. - He's not. He's not.

- Didn't that phone call, like, infiltrate the whole energy

for a couple seconds-- - It did, but--

- --like weird.

Like whatever, it's over. I'm done.

My rant's over.

- You could speak your truth.

Yeah, you're allowed.

I just don't want you to ruin your night over this.

- Oh, no, no.

But it felt a little weird, you know.

I'm just saying.

- And next trip, we won't bring Vinny.

That's all.

Let's go.

Put your jacket on, Vinny.

I don't want you to catch a cold.

- Oh, my God. - Thank you.

- Thank you, guys.

- Let me get that for you.

- Oh, thanks, man. On the night of your show and everything?

- Mm-hmm.

Now it's time go to work.

Yo, based on all the buzz in town,

everybody knows we're here.

This is gonna be crazy.

- Yo, Texas is a vibe.

- Yeah, and we haven't had a turn-up session all

together in such a long time.

- I know.

- The girls are gonna have a good time.

- So Jenni has probably drank two bottles of on her own

at this point.

And I'm like, oh, she's on one.

I like this.

- [laughs] What are you staring at?

I'm trying to nap.

- Was that napping? - What?

- Was that trying to nap?

- You smile in your nap?

- Yeah, that was creepy as [bleep].

- Yeah, you look like a clown sleeping.

- Well, I'm happy to sleep--[bleep] off.

You should try it sometime.

- Oh, you [bleep] off.

- How much tequila did she have?

- Not enough.

- I'm scared for my friend.

Is she OK?

- You think Vinny's going to find a cowgal.

- I hope so.

- Me too.

- Wait, what are we gonna call her?

- Oh, yeah. - I'm Mina.

You're Dren. - What is this?

- What is this--

this thing?

- So we need a tired drunk J-Lo.

- Well, that sounds boring, actually.

- Prickly Elder. - Prickly Elder.

[upbeat music]

- Yo, Prickly Elder.

Whoo!

- [inaudible].

♪ ♪

- Yes!

- Oh, my God.

Whoo!

- Are you drinking?

- Yes, we're drinking. - Yes.

- It's like old times.

Uh! - Oh, [bleep].

I'm so sorry.

That wasn't alcohol.

That was stupidity.

- She's [bleep] up, this one.

- Is this, like, what it's like before you go on stage?

- Nah, not quite.

- Oh, they are ready out there.

- Are you excited?

You get nervous or excited? - No, I'm excited.

I want to turn up.

I want to get out there already.

El Paso is buzzing.

It is about to be lit.

I'm about to blow the roof off this thing.

- All right, Pauly. - You got this, Pauly.

- k*ll it. - You're gonna be so amazing.

- We're so proud of you.

- I'm so happy to have you guys here for this.

- Thanks for having us. - We love you all.

- Yay!

- We nailed it.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I see the way you're looking at me ♪

♪ And I'll do anything that you please ♪

♪ I need it ♪

♪ You know I need you, so give it to me ♪

- Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together

and pump your fists for the one,

the only Pauly DelVecchio, DJ Pauly D!

- ♪ I'm feeling like something's ♪

♪ In the air tonight ♪

♪ Feeling like, feeling like something's ♪

♪ In the air tonight ♪

♪ Feeling like, feeling like something's ♪

♪ In the air tonight ♪

♪ Feeling like ♪

- The boys are gonna hate us when we get home.

- Yo. - We're in rare form.

- Hoot, hoot! - Hoot, hoot.

[owl hooting]

- Hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot. - Hoot, hoot.

- Ladies and gentlemen, Pauly DelVecchio, DJ Pauly D!

[cheers and applause]

- El Paso, who's ready to party?

[cheers and applause]

Shout-out to "Jersey Shore" family in the room here.

[cheers and applause]

Yeah, buddy.

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ ♪

- I feel like Mike is spiraling right now in his head

because of Angelina.

- Why couldn't you come?

- Get a phone, Mike.

I'm mad at you.

- What-- oh, damn.

We got beef already?

- I'm like, Mike.

No, no, no.

Tonight's gonna be fun.

Let's just have a good time.

- You know what I need right now?

My "Jersey Shore" family on stage with me one time.

And make some [bleep] noise.

[cheers and applause]

And now, living his best life, make some noise for Mike

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

- What a night.

I'm so happy that I was able to share this with everybody.

El Paso was lit.

These people turn up.

I love coming to Texas.

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

[all cheering]

- You k*lled it. - Did you have fun?

- Oh, my God, Pauly, you k*lled it.

- Thank you. - Amazing.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

- My favorite part about this experience

is just being together again, just us as a family.

- Let's roll out. - Let's get out of here.

- Yeah, let's roll out.

The show was amazing.

Pauly k*lled it.

And we all had a good time.

[cheers and applause]

- [inaudible]. I love you.

- My, what mayhem.

Oh, my tit's out.

- Yo, what up, dawg?

- This is crazy.

- Bye, friends.

We love you.

Are we the Beatles?

- Well, we made some noise in El Paso.

- Oh, hell yeah.

It was like electric.

- Yeah, I couldn't have asked for a better show.

- Oh, it was amazing.

- I think I might be a little drunk.

[burp]

Oh, my--

- Ooh, I've been doing that all day.

- Put me to bed.

- The boys are going to hate us when we get home.

- Yo. - [bleep].

Should we just go somewhere else?

- We're in rare form.

- Just when you think the meatballs

have drowned in the sauce. - Hey, can you gag me?

I need to throw up tonight.

- Mm-hmm.

- One of them resurfaces and revives the whole group.

You know what I'm saying?

[upbeat music]

- Tear the roof off this b*tch.

- Uh, uh, uh. - Come on.

God, I just burped up tacos from like two days ago.

- I think I have bedbugs.

I'm like composed, right?

Honestly, I probably would be really happy on Mars

with my family.

- I wonder what the boys are doing.

- The vibes, the whole trip was amazing.

- Mm-hmm. - And then she called.

And it was like a little bit of a black cloud.

I mean, that was--

there's no denying that happened.

- Whee! [laughter]

Oh, you lost my straw.

- Your straw is right there.

[bleep].

- Are we on a hill?

- No.

- No, no, we're flat.

- Well, then why are my things popped?

- Cause you got whacked, b*tch.

- Oh, my God.

- [screaming]

- Medic!

- ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

- [screaming]

- Medic!

I think I might have to go to the ER.

She [bleep] punched me in the throat.

- Oh, my God.

Are we in Italy with these cobblestones?

Oh, my God.

My skirt.

Oh!

- Did you see me? - Yes.

- Pauly [bleep] k*lled it.

- Yeah, that [bleep] exploded.

- I'm not gonna lie.

I'm a little drunk.

- Oh, yes.

- Whoo!

- OK.

I haven't had this much fun in so long.

- That is how you shut down El Paso.

- I'm' so proud. - El Paso, we love you.

- All right, meatballs.

[indistinct].

- I got to get my shoes off because they're k*lling me.

- Love you. - Love you.

- We're going to bed. Pardon.

- Are we going to bed?

- So going to bed right now, I feel complete.

We had a great night, just the OGs.

It felt like old times.

Like we took El Paso by storm.

This was one of the best trips we've ever been on.

Now it's time to go to bed.

- Tonight was a fun night.

It was great.

I think it's time for me to go to bed.

- What are we going to do about the [bleep] owl?

- Yo, I don't k*ll animals.

But that will be the first [bleep] animal I take out

is that [bleep] owl.

- I might punch it in the face.

- We couldn't sleep last night because this [bleep] owl.

Hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot.

- The whole [bleep] night.

- I'm like, what the?

[owl hooting]

[owl hooting]

[owl hooting]

- Hoot, hoot. - Yeah.

- Hoot.

All [bleep] night.

Are you kidding?

- It was like, hoot, hoot.

- I swear to God, if I hear it tonight, I'm running outside.

- I'm like, oh, my God.

- I feel like, if we hear it tonight--

- What the [bleep]?

- --and then and go hoot, hoot, hoot!

- Yes. - Listen.

Quit trying to sleep.

So we brought our German shepherd today.

- Yeah.

- Woof!

- I feel like this is a really good plan.

- It's going to be amazing.

- [laughs]

- We're telling owls not to mess with us tonight.

I'm trying to scare them away.

- Now, I'm like, you know--

they were-- - What is on your lip?

- Get the [bleep] out of here.

Like honestly, they were--

- Cra-cra-crazy wild ♪

- You were annoying last night. - Wait, wait.

- Woof, woof, woof, woof.

- I'm up.

- Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!

- Oh. - Oh, they hear us.

Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!

- I think you upset the other animals.

- I upset the other dogs.

I'm sorry, doggies.

Wait, let me see--

- Just shut up.

You were crazy last night.

I didn't even know owls could [bleep] go that long.

- Come on. - Relax.

- Come on.

- Relax, owls and coyotes.

- Woof, woof, woof.

- Howl.

- Woof.

- [yells]

- Woof, woof, woof.

- You [bleep] owls.

- Is Mike, The Situation, a changed man?

- Oh, damn, how dare you come at Big Daddy Sitch?

- He knows that he stirred this whole [bleep] thing up.

- I think Angelina's gonna give it to him.

- I know. - Oh, [bleep].

- Today, I'm gonna make sure he respects

me because I'm [bleep] done.

- Just when I thought I was out, old Sitch,

they bring me back in.