17x07 - Put Up or Shut Up

[bunniefuu]

I cannot believe I'm actually
in the Colombia jungle,

especially because I have a
podcast all about Naked and Afraid.

Hey, everybody. Malu Beyonce here
from the Naked and Afraid Podcast.

I just got on good authority I know
exactly what Dan Link smells like.

As an armchair
survivalist, I study the show.

I watch what the
survivalists do right

and what the
survivalists do wrong.

Why are y'all not
getting in the water?

I don't know. Here's
another question.

Why don't y'all have
freaking bomas?

I wanna prove that just because
I study my survivalist skills

when I'm on the
couch eating tacos

does not mean that
I'm not a real survivalist.

I'm really doing this.

This is absolutely insane.

Never in a million years
did I think this would happen.

I'm not a real survivalist,

but I've seen enough episodes
where "true survivalists"

have made mistakes and failed.

Heather, she keeps talking about
how great she is at making fire,

and she hasn't
done a single thing.

So I don't know what the
the casting department's doing

bringing on half of these people

who have no idea
what's going on.

You don't have to be a
survivalist to be out here.

- I know what to do.
- I know what to look for.

There's nothing that's taking
me out of this challenge.

I'm just not sure anybody
can survive here for 21 days.

Oh, my gosh!

Two strangers.

Run! Go, go, go, go!

Oh, gosh!

No food.

No water.



Don't tap...

...die first.

Naked and Afraid.

Trust me, I am terrified,

and I mean terrified, of all
the animals here at night.

But what I'm not gonna do

is I'm not gonna
hear my tummy growl

and get freaked
out like Clarence did.

What?

Oh, my God, are you serious?

That's kind of
embarrassing, yeah?

I live and breathe this
show and, as a podcaster,

I learned from all of these
"real survivalist mistakes."

The boma they chose,
the location was horrible.

Maybe I've never
been out in the jungle,

but you know what? I'm gonna
prove that an armchair survivalist

is a real survivalist.

This is insane. The palm trees
have needles this thick on 'em.

It looks like everything
out here wants to hurt you.

But I'm from
Massachusetts, I'll be all right.

I'm a day trader

and a football director
for a youth program.

Dig deep, dig deep!

I have a background
in construction,

so I don't think building a
shelter will be a problem.

But what sets me apart
is my mental strength.

I became a survivalist
out of necessity.

I didn't have an
easy life growing up.

My mom was a
single mother, five kids.

We grew up in homeless shelters.

At one point, we
lived in a campground.

We didn't really have food to
eat, clothes to put on our back.

I have overcome every
hurdle sent my way.

I'm out here to prove that

there's nothing you can't
do without the right mindset.

This is real and scary.

I can't even imagine
the number of snakes.

Though they lack experience,

Naked and Afraid
critics Malu and Kyle

will put their armchair
survival skills to the test

for 14 days in the
coastal jungle of Colombia,

a suffocating region of
volatile weather patterns,

venomous insects,
aggressive caiman,

and Colombia's apex
predator, the jaguar.

OMG, it's time.

Looks like we're here.
Time to put up or shut up.

It's time to get naked.

Let's go.

I watch my steps, make sure
there's no snakes anywhere.

I'm sweaty. I stink. I haven't even
gotten anywhere yet, and I smell.

- There's my partner.
- -Hello.

-Hey.
-Uh... I'm Malu Beyonce, and who are you?

- Hi, Malu. I'm Kyle.
- Kyle.

-Hi, Kyle. Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

You as well.

- Oh, my God.
- This is crazy, right?

- This is crazy.
- Not awkward at all.

I'm very awkward.

I'm very upset that I didn't
figure out who you were.

How were you supposed
to figure out who I was?

- Oh, I'm an armchair survivalist expert.
- -Okay.

And I do a podcast, and you
should already know who I am.

Have you ever seen my show?

No, I can't say that I have.

It's all right. I'll tell you all
about it while we're out there.

-Okay, okay.
-All right.

-I'm a football coach.
-Oh.

I've seen about 100 episodes and I've coached
all of them, basically, from my armchair.

- Mmm-hmm.
- I figured I could come in here

and do it better
than half of them.

Oh, that's what I'm talking
about. So, you got some brawn,

I got some brains.

-Let's go.
-And we'll show these other "survivalists"

how it's done, right?

-I love it.
-All right, we're gonna do it.

I believe this is
yours. There you go.

- What'd you bring?
-All right. I can't wait to show you.

All right, let's
see what you got.

- This is gonna be epic. Are you ready?
-I hope so.

I brought a big
ol' roll of duct tape.

-I see that.
-Yeah. Are you excited?

I guess, yeah. Absolutely.

You know, duct tape has a
bad reputation on this show

because the other survivalists
have not used it so great.

You know what?

Ah, damn it!

There, I get our first...

-It's got a--
-It's got a leak.

Yeah, you'll just
have to drink quick.

But I'm gonna bring the
reputation of duct tape back.

-Perfect. Perfect.
-All right. What have you got?

I have my machete.

In addition to their
personal items,

Malu and Kyle have also been
provided a pot and fire starter.

And I think I have the map.

So you're gonna have to
hold my big ol' roll of duct tape.

So, this is where we are.

We're gonna go up here.

About right here is where
we can have some fresh water.

- Absolutely.
- Near the tree of life

and, as an armchair survivalist,
I know that's important.

And also, I saw it
at Disney World so...

Kind of important. I think
that's where we need to be.

I don't disagree at all.

All right, let's go, 'cause
this ground's getting hot.

Let's go.

You okay?

These rocks are sharp!

This water is
looking very murky,

and we don't know what's in it.

I feel comfortable walking
around the shoreline.

- All right.
- -If you're okay with that.

- I'm gonna let you go first.
- All right.

As my partner, is there anything that
bothers you that I should be aware of.

I know we're still in
the honeymoon phase,

but I really don't like it when
partners don't sacrifice for each other.

- Well, it's a team effort, so...
- -Yeah.

Now, as my partner,

I need to know that you're
willing to sacrifice yourself.

In what way?

- Yeah, I got you. I got you.
- I'm just saying, you're the leader.

- I got you.
- All right.

Kyle brings mental toughness

and construction experience
to the 14-day challenge,

but his headstrong nature
could make teamwork difficult.

- He begins with a Primitive Survival Rating of 5.
- 8.

Malu offsets her inexperience with an
encyclopedic knowledge of Naked and Afraid,

but her directness could
prove challenging with a partner.

- She begins the challenge with a Primitive Survival Rating of 5.
- 7.

Oh, my God.

Aren't you surprised
how hot it is?

Yeah, the heat sucks. It's wild.

The ground is a lot
harder than what I thought.

Yeah.

When you're ready, I'll make
you some duct tape shoes,

but do you want shoes?

Yeah, I'm not
saying no to shoes.

-So...
-All right.

-This is how I'm gonna make my duct tape shoes.
-Go for it.

-I'm gonna take this.
-Yup.

And I'm gonna wrap it here and,
then, we're gonna make holes here.

-Okay.
-And, then, we're gonna tie it. Okay?

-Sure.
-So, what I need you to do is fold it over,

and make a slit, right there.

- I got you.
- Not even half an inch.

So what's your
favorite episode ever?

- Favorite episode ever?
- Uh-huh.

Yeah.

I'm a big fan of the
LOS series that just went.

The Last One Standing.

-Yeah?
-I watched every episode. That was pretty awesome.

- So, I have a podcast
where we-- - What is it for?

What do you do on your podcast?

Naked and Afraid
Last One Standing.

- Oh, really? That's your podcast?
-Yeah!

That's my podcast.

- Oh, okay.
- Literally, that's my whole job, is to watch...

-Okay. Okay.
-But you gotta keep working.

- All right. That's one shoe.
- There you go.

All right.

There's your slit.

All right. Make one on the
other side for me, please.

Yup. One on each. You're good.

Was that bird laughing
at my duct tape shoes?

It's fair, but I don't care.

- I like Kyle.
- He's great.

He's super-funny and he
kind of gets my sense of humor,

and that's really
gonna be helpful.

And, together, I think
we're gonna prove

that armchair survivalists
are actually survivalists.

- So fast.
- -You're the only person in Naked and Afraid history

that has duct tape
sandals with shoelaces.

My Air Force 1s are
gonna be famous.

You're gonna crack me up
this whole time, aren't you?

I hope so.

Okay, let's go.

- Yeah.
- We gotta move it.

We're baking in the
sun. We gotta get moving.

Oh, yeah.

The duct tape is definitely working
on my feet where it was so hot.

Check out my armchair
survivalist shoes.

And I truly feel that if Sean, Heather,
and Dallas would've had these,

they would have
done a lot better,

and their feet wouldn't
be so jacked up, right?

- Yes.
-Why are you laughing? Do I make you laugh?

You make me laugh, 100%.

This water looks
stagnant, stinky.

It looks pretty
terrible, I agree.

Just make sure that you keep
looking for resources on the way in.

-Oh, I know. Absolutely.
-Okay.

I haven't seen any food
or anything like that yet,

and I haven't seen
any snakes either.

That's bamboo.

- That is bamboo.
- -That's bamboo right there.

Yes, it is.

We could hold water in that. We
could build our whole shelter with that.

That's a good sign.

We gotta be getting close.

- We have to be.
- Yeah.

Do you see any big-a*s trees?

Yeah, tree. That
could be the tree of life.

Oh, I do see a big tree.

All right, let's find a good spot
to find the opening to break in.

- I think that we should find base camp.
- -Okay.

- And start building?
- -Start building and get water.

Yeah.

Look, there's a
clearing up here.

- Let's go check that out.
- -Yeah.

- Oh, coconut.
- -But that one's not any good.

- Coconut crabs, that's what these are.
- -Yeah.

These are coconut crab burrows.

Look at that tree. There's
plenty of coconuts up there.

There's coconuts everywhere!
There's coconuts everywhere.

Maybe I shouldn't talk so loud.

I'm like Jeff. I never
thought I would be like Jeff.

Yes!

I didn't think I was like
Jeff, but Jesus, I'm so happy!

Oh, yeah.

We should call this home base.

- Okay. So that's the water source on the map?
- Yup.

The closer we are to the water,

the more mosquitoes
we're gonna have.

- Yeah.
-Okay. I'm looking at the sun.

We've probably got
about three hours left.

Okay, so let's do this.

Let's set up base
camp near that tree.

Okay? Start a fire, then
start getting building materials.

Okay, yes.

- Does that make sense?
- -Yes, let's do that right now.

- Oh, look at that find. Great job.
-Thank you.

In terms of survival,
we need shelter,

water, and food.

And in order to get water
here, you need to boil it.

All right.

-No, I'll let you scrape.
-Okay.

-'Cause this is gonna light on fire.
-I know.

Keep going.

There we go. See, the duct
tape is freaking awesome!

- You're not wrong. Great job.
-I love duct tape.

Here you go.

There we go. This
one's catching.

-Oh!
-Let's go.

- It's gonna take a little while to boil.
- -Yeah.

I want a platform and A-frame
enclosed. What did you want?

Yeah, not a problem.

- Okay.
- All right.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna
start clearing off this area.

Do your thing.
You start clearing,

- I'll start bringing over poles for beams.
- -Okay.

Heads.

Usually, I watch Naked
and Afraid in my bed.

And, now, I'm on Naked
and Afraid making my bed.

This is crazy.

As I'm chopping down the trees,

it's raining fire ants, and
my body is just burning.

There's bites all over me.

My hand's throbbing.

It's, like, raining
fire hell. I don't...

I don't know how
to explain it. It's...

I've never seen
anything like it.

- Where are you itching?
- Everywhere.

They're all over my whole
back. Lines everywhere.

Jesus, they're eating me alive!

Yeah, look at... There's
red ants all over all this stuff.

- We'll be careful.
- Yeah.

Known for its fiery
venomous bite,

the tenacious, slender
twig ant lives in tropical trees

and furiously attacks
anyone threatening its nest.

Oh, all over us.

- My fingers are numb.
- Yeah.

They're burning so bad.

They're everywhere.

How many ants do you see?

- Thousands.
- Okay.

Okay. Then, you know
what? This is not working out.

- There's too many ants.
- I know. I know.

It's getting dark.

I'm just not happy with
where I am right now.

We're losing light, and
we're losing light fast.

And we do need
to restart our shelter

because we can't be near
ants because it's k*lling us.

Oh, I'm getting eaten right now.

This sucks.

Oh.

- There's too many ants.
- I know.

It's getting dark.

All right, call me crazy...

- What?
- -What if we moved right there?

You don't see ants
anywhere on that tree?

It doesn't look
like there are any.

If there's no ants over there,

and the ants are our
biggest problem right now,

isn't that where we need to be?

The Colombian devil
super-evil ants are attacking us.

So, we decided to move
everything to this little cubby tree.

This is the way the armchair
survivalist expert makes shelter.

You have to adapt and...

- Absolutely. Adapt and overcome.
- Yes.

We have an hour till sunset,

and this is gonna take
two hours to build up,

so we're not gonna
get a full shelter.

And that's what we need.

- Let's get this across.
- Okay.

For their new shelter, Malu
and Kyle will build a lean-to

tucked between the
roots of a kapok tree

and shingled with palms
from the areca plant.

Obviously, it's
a little different

than the type of shelter
we wanted to build,

but we'll hope for
the best tonight.

Jesus, these bugs are no joke.

- We need to sleep.
- Yeah, we certainly do.

But it's really difficult to sleep
when you've got about 4,000 bugs

- eating you alive.
- -This is so uncomfortable.

I know.

I just pulled something
out of my butthole.

- Oh, my God. They're in my privates, too.
-Yeah.

This is nuts, man.

I've never been eaten alive
by bugs like this in my life.

I mean...

I think we expected this
because we critique it so much.

I mean, it's one
thing to critique it,

but then, when you're the one I'm sitting
in the middle of the Colombian jungle...

- Mmm-hmm.
- ...getting eaten alive by God knows what,

it's a little different.

Oh, I'm getting eaten alive.

That was the worst
night of my life.

It's just, like, it
didn't end either.

It's just, the sun took
so long to come up.

I felt like we were in a
sleep-deprivation chamber.

I felt like I was
locked in time.

Like, I felt like it was
just, time just stopped.

I was like, "Let me out!
Please come up, sun."

The bug bites are white
and p*ssy and hurt like hell.

It's funny how easy it is to critique
things at home from your couch, right?

But then, when
you're in the situation,

processing what you're
thinking is just... it's crazy.

I came into this thinking
there's absolutely nothing

that could take me
out of this challenge.

And, night one, I'm
thinking to myself,

"What the hell am I doing here?"

I'm gonna go wandering for a little bit,
see what I can find for food resources.

- I saw a few coconuts over there I wanna grab.
- -Mmm-hmm.

- And bring something back for us.
- -Okay, okay.

Oh, man.

It's so dense.

These crabs love coconut.

They're quick.

The crabs... The blue
crabs are everywhere.

Still not catching them.

There's about 487,000
crabs everywhere.

The problem is, as soon as they
feel the vibrations on the ground,

they disappear immediately.

So, I'm working on
a way to get them.

And, in the meantime, I can
collect coconuts off the ground.

Come and try this.

Yeah, we're good.

You get the first sip, partner.

Oh, my God.

All right, love you.

This is awesome, man.

- Oh, my God.
- It's amazing.

- It's amazing.
- It's so good.

Freshly cut coconut, oh, my
gosh! There's nothing like it.

And they're cool.

Like, there's not a
refrigerator, it's hot in the jungle.

How is it possible that freaking
coconut juice is cool and refreshing?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- Let's go.
- Yeah?

Water, shelter, fire,
and coconuts on day two.

It's only day two?

Yeah, it is day two.

It's only day two.

This sucks.

We're not really sleeping.

It's been a long, long night.

It's raining.

But we're in a jungle,
that's what it does.

Dang it.

So tired.

It is what it is.

It'll end. This isn't forever.

All right, let's try
to get some sleep.

So, today, I'm going to
make a fire wall for behind this.

So, just a little fire wall right
here to help maintain the heat.

We can put a roof on
top of it for when it rains

and have everything
just flow off of it.

I don't wanna be sitting here holding
leaves over it to keep the fire going,

just like Andrew did and lost their
fire. That's what made them tap.

The storm is just
dumping buckets on us,

and we are doing everything
we can to keep this fire going.

Oh, golly.

I love that.

- I want to have a covered fire.
- -Yeah.

- Because it is going to rain hard.
- -It's essential.

- Worse than it was last night.
- Yup.

That's why I want a
four-door enclosed shelter.

This isn't what we
came here planned.

-Like, we didn't have this planned.
-No.

- No.
- -But now that it's here, it works.

- Yeah?
- -We'll try it out for a couple of days

- and, then, we'll go from there.
- -Okay.

It's not anything wrong with the
shelter, but it's not my dream bungalow.

So, let's try this out
for a couple of days,

and if it works, why, you
know, make another shelter?

So, today, we can
make a fire wall.

Here we go.

So, I'm building a fire wall.

I'll have stakes in the
ground, two on each side.

And, then, I'll have the
bamboo in the middle,

and a roof on top
of it for when it rains

and have everything
just flow off of it.

Come on.

And, then, this is what
we're gonna cover it up with.

Yup.

One beam, one more
beam, a couple of braces,

areca plants, we're good.

-Hang on. But this isn't covering the fire.
-It will.

All we have to do is
push it back a little bit.

That's it. Just move that log,
push it back a little bit. It'll be fine.

That's it. Easy.

You're gonna push
the fire back if it rains,

-is what you're saying.
-Yeah. Exactly.

I think it'll be fine. 100%.

Okay.

I have a lot of problems.

Number one problem, he's
using the bamboo and he's like,

"Well, I have the
fire far away from it

'cause I don't want
it to be burned."

The whole point of the whole
thing was supposed to be

that the fire was
protected in case it rains.

The fire's not even
centered of his fire shelter.

It makes no sense.

The only critique I have
is that I don't understand

why you're building it behind
the fire instead of over the fire.

- All we have to do is push it back.
- -Okay.

What I'm saying is that we
should move it back six inches now.

There's no need to
move it back right now.

It's gonna burn the bamboo more.

It's completely
fine right there.

- Yeah.
-That's all. It's not a problem.

It's a non-issue, honestly.

It doesn't make sense to me to
move the fire back against the fire wall

and ruin the materials
that I had already spent

a bunch of energy on collecting.

When, if it does start raining, I
can just move the embers back,

and it will solve the problem.

I don't think that she should be
critiquing someone else's work.

I'm critiquing what I
would say on the podcast.

But we're not on the
podcast, we're in real life.

No, but the podcast talks
about Naked and Afraid.

That's fine. We're actually
doing Naked and Afraid.

-We're not on a podcast.
-I know.

Well, it's gonna be a fun night.

So, it's raining.

My partner has moved
the fire next to the fire wall,

so it's pretty far
away from our shelter.

I hope it doesn't rain long.

You're not worried
about being cold and wet?

I don't... This is
nothing to me. I'm fine.

Malu seems to have a lot of
critiques on how to do everything,

but doesn't really do much.

Our shelter is leaking.

The roof is really good.

There's barely any
holes anywhere.

What do you mean? It's
just dropping everywhere.

Like, it just leaked on
my forehead right there.

It just leaked on my toes.
It just leaked on my back.

I'm trying to listen to her
and trying to be positive.

But when she critiques, it
sounds like she's complaining.

You have an opinion on
things that you can't do yourself!

What can you do?
What can you do?

You build yourself a shelter
tomorrow that's 100% leak-proof,

and I'll shut my mouth.

Oh, no.

So, apparently, I'm a drama
queen because I was cold

because it was rainy last night.

I got soaked,
everything got wet.

This was not fun and
games. This was...

suffering.

Then, I had to
suffer through him.

Hey.

We have a lot of
things to talk about.

- Yeah, I was kind of an a*s.
- -Mmm-hmm.

I'm sorry.

But in the middle of
August, you get cold.

But, then, I realized
you're smaller than me,

you live in Texas year-round,

so you've got way
higher temperatures.

- So you weren't cold at all? Zero cold?
- Not even a little bit.

- I was sweating.
- Okay.

Listen, the narrator guy
on Naked and Afraid says

that when your skin is wet
and the temperature drops,

- hypothermia can happen in less than ten minutes.
- -Yeah.

Hypothermia is not gonna happen.

It got real real last night with
all the rain and the emotions

and the no sleep.

But we apologized to each other

and, ultimately, when
it comes down to it,

we'll get over it 'cause that's
what a smart survivalist does.

-Okay, this is what my biggest issue is.
-Yeah.

The shelter was
too far from the fire,

-but the fire was warm.
-Yeah.

I think making a new
shelter, probably a good idea.

What did you have in mind?

So, this is what I was thinking.

So, I was thinking about four
structure beams and outside beams,

four-feet high.

- And, then, two platforms.
- I wanna be off the ground.

A little fire pit
outside to boil water.

- I have no problem with it. None.
- All right.

All righty, let's go.

So, we are finally
building my new Jungalow!

It's my dream bungalow,

and I came up with
it from Amazon XL

because they were in Colombia,

and everybody had somebody tap,

except Amber, Trish, and Jen.

And you know why nobody tapped?

Because they had
an enclosed shelter.

The only thing left that
we have to do in here

is cut the bamboo
slots for the bed.

- I just wanna put the skirts on.
- -Yeah.

Teamwork makes the dream work,

and it's a dream that
he does most of the work,

and I get to decorate.

I got a name for our house.

Coconut Castle.

I like Coconut Castle.

-I think it looks pretty.
-Yeah, it's all right.

Not bad for a
couple of amateurs.

Well, someone says that you
shouldn't bring bougie to the jungle,

and I think this
proves them wrong.

This is definitely bougie and
survivalist-y, don't you think?

I think that it looks great.

I think everything
about it is awesome.

I think it's gonna keep us dry.

I hope it rains again tonight.

- Yeah.
- This is not normal rain.

No, this is like, it's
monsooning outside.

I'm starting to get wet.

The fire's getting
a little bit late.

It was storming about,
let's say, at level 10,

and it just picked up
going about to level 20.

- The temperature dropped 30 degrees.
- -This is miserable.

I'm struggling to find a place
in the shelter that's warm.

The wind knocked
over our fire wall.

This is tapping situation.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, it's just a mess.

There's debris everywhere!

I can see right
into the shelter.

I can put my whole hand in.

This was our fire wall.

The wind's kind of
knocked it all down.

I don't know who we made
mad in this Colombian jungle,

but guess what? We're alive!

And the Jungalow has made it.

Everything else looks a
mess, but it is salvageable.

Do you have any
preference for the fire pit?

It needs to be adjacent
or inside the shell.

What if we just
built it out like this?

-It's gonna stay outside?
-And we put it right here, but we put a roof over it.

- Yeah.
- All right.

I originally built the fireplace
too far away from our shelter,

as opposed to just
adding it onto the end.

- You're gonna weave it?
- Yeah.

That way, it's stronger,

not falling all over the place.

So, this time, we decided
to attach the fire shelter

to our Jungalow.

And I decided to weave bamboo,

so I'm interlacing them in
between each of the sides.

This looks better already.

Dang. First morning
that I actually slept.

Tell you what, man,

it's amazing what a few hours
of sleep will do for your mental.

I feel great.

I think, before extraction,

we're definitely gonna
need, like, a boost of energy.

Absolutely.

We've got tons of coconuts.

I do wanna get
some crabs, though.

That way, we eat some protein.

I mean, I can definitely
help you with that.

Let's go.

Again.

Remember, we have no
mercy when it comes to food.

Sorry.

I've got coconut, 'cause all
these coconut crabs love them.

So, my plan is to
put it near their hole.

Let them come out and try to
grab it, and I'll be waiting right by

to spear 'em.

It's the best plan
I've got so far.

I got it, I got it.

I just k*lled this
crab with this stick.

Am I a survivalist? Yeah.

Because I learned from Naked and
Afraid on my couch to bring a stick.

So, I'll put that in my bag
and give it to my partner.

Man, these crabs are so elusive.

I feel like these crabs
are literally taunting me.

They come out, stare
at me, as soon as I move,

they all disappear in unison.

Got you, b*tch.

Let's go! Finally.

Got my first source of protein.

Honey, I'm home.
I brought dinner.

I beat a crab to death.

What? You're a beast.

Good job!

We have crab, so we're
gonna have a crab boil.

I'm cooking all the crabs.

Man, I am dirty,
but I do not care

'cause I'm about to
fill my belly with crab.

What's that noise?

That's the noise of crab mad
'cause they about to get eaten.

Crabs.

Coconut.

Man, I'm super-excited.

-Enjoy.
-Sentimental.

Now that we have a strategy on
how to hunt them going forward,

we have plenty to get through
the rest of the challenge.

Mmm, so succulent.

So, we're here
at the tree of life,

near these two bodies of water.

And that's the ocean.

With their extraction
only one day away,

Kyle and Malu will
need to build a raft

to navigate the freshwater
tributaries that lead to the ocean.

This is where the caiman are.

I am not going to
play with caiman.

I'm not gonna be near caiman.
I'm not swimming with caiman.

So, we're definitely
gonna have to build the raft

with the bamboo
that we're collecting.

- It's a good idea.
- -I think, start collecting the bamboo.

- 100%.
- -Okay, so we have a plan.

- Yeah.
- Let's do it.

Let's go.

Our extraction point is
at the end of this river,

so we need to build a raft.

Building a raft is
something that's new to me.

I know it's made out of bamboo,

but I don't know how much
weight the bamboo will hold.

Best idea is to bring it
out there with both of us

and see how two pieces
affect each one of us.

- Sound good?
- Yes.

All right.

- You wanna come try this, see how it floats for you?
- -Okay.

We're gonna need a little
bit more, probably, huh?

I feel like that was a setup.

No.

-It was not.
-Okay.

We'll still probably
need a little bit more.

- I mean, I went right down.
- Yeah, I know.

-I mean, right down.
-Yeah.

So, we probably have, like,
eight pieces of bamboo left over.

- So, we'll have to cut a little more.
- -Yeah.

Another stalk.

We need more bamboo!

I'm feeling better.
All I need is a shot!

A shot and more bamboo,
that's what you need.

- Yes, yes, yes.
- All right, perfect.

Let's go, go, go.

The most ingenious raft was
EJ's "swan song" of a raft in XL

on his last appearance.

That's the Amazon river.

We are officially
in the Amazon river!

- That raft was amazing.
- It even had a cover on it.

But we can't deal
with fancy-shmancy...

- No.
- ...rafts.

I just want a raft that's
gonna get us there.

Yeah, me too.

I think a lot of people try to go
fancy, and that's their downfall.

- Yeah, just keep it simple.
- Mmm-hmm.

Use what you got.

We're gonna run out of duct
tape, so we need cordage.

From past experience
of watching this show,

I'm gonna keep it simple.

I'm gonna have two layers of
bamboo stacked on top of each other

with cross beams on the bottom,

and securing them
with the areca vines.

So, the vine that we have is
not very flexible, very pliable.

So, I'm using the areca stick,

and I'm bending the vine on
the stick to make it more pliable.

When I came out here,
I really wanted to prove

a lot of the skills that
I've learned from watching

Naked and Afraid.

So, I'm using my areca stick
to try to make it more pliable,

make it more soft, because
this cordage is tough.

I mean, it's tough like my grandma
cooked it overnight in the stove,

and I need to make it softer.

- So, we're each doing our part.
- We're each working together.

And, even though I'm doing
most of the heavy lifting,

Malu is working
nonstop to help out.

Damn it!

We do work well
together as a team.

I believe we're
gonna hit the ocean.

I truly believe that.

One, two, three...

I'm not here to show
off raft-building skills,

but I also don't wanna
sink in that water

and get eaten up
by something, so...

And you know this water
is full of caiman and snakes.

All we have to
do is test this raft.

And I hope it works, because
if it doesn't, mama's in trouble,

'cause I don't know what
else we're gonna do, child.

- It's sinking.
- No. Damn it.

I'm making torches
to help us see at night.

I'm using a combination
of coconut husk,

very, very dry sticks,

and duct tape to
keep this going.

Believe it or not,
it works great.

Duct tape has really made
this project a lot easier.

It's such a great tool that's
super-underutilized on Naked and Afraid.

Here's our little torch.

We've got some bamboo.

We've got air pockets
for the wood to breathe.

And wrapped it in the areca vine
quarters that my partner made.

We've got a bunch of duct
tape, coconut husk inside.

You love my duct tape.

Listen, I am so glad
you brought duct tape.

That duct tape has a
million uses. It's incredible.

It's incredible.

- It's sinking.
- No.

So, when Kyle gets on the
raft, it does not float 100%.

And I'm telling you
the truth, I am worried.

- Wanna come try this?
- Okay.

Tomorrow is extraction, and we're
exactly where I did not want to be.

It's great that it
holds you perfectly.

If there's a problem
with me on there,

I can just swim it and hold
on to it for breaks if I need.

As long as there's no
caiman, we're good.

Well, you can't forget
about the snakes

and all the other creepy-crawly
things in the water, either.

We don't have time or energy

to continue to build this
one up to hold me as well.

So we're gonna have
to make this work.

I'm gonna have to swim
alongside of the raft,

and hold on to it when I need
breaks, and hope for the best.

All righty.

If a monkey messes with
our raft, I'm fighting a monkey.

All right. Last night.
Extraction's tomorrow morning.

Enjoying my last fire,
a little bit of reflecting.

We're just anxious to
get the hell out of here.

This challenge has been
exactly that, a challenge.

Super-grateful for
being uncomfortable,

being pushed to my limit.

I'm ready to leave Colombia.

I'm ready to go to sleep

and get ready for this
really tough extraction.

And the danger that it's
gonna put us in is scary,

but I'm ready for it.

I've got a long
swim ahead of me.

That makes me a little nervous
'cause of those caiman and snakes,

but I guess we will see.

Here we go.

Day 14 is finally here.

That's my leg.

I can't wait for this leg
never to be here again.

I'm so happy for
this to be over.

Get me out of here!

Just like we do warpaint
with the boys on game day.

Go, Bulldogs.

We still got extraction.

That's the only thing
between me and my family.

Today's gonna be one of
those days I'll never forget.

- I am excited for it.
- I feel so strong.

All right.

Here's my duct
tape bikini, y'all!

I'm ready to G-O, go.

Just wanna say I'm
super-proud of you.

Honestly, we've both
come so far from day one.

Yes.

And nobody else I'd rather have
gone on this journey with, honestly.

Besides Dwayne
"The Rock" Johnson,

there's nobody else I could have
completed this with besides you.

I'll take a back seat to
The Rock, no problem.

- All right, perfect.
- All right.

- All right, let's get out of here!
- -Let's go.

Peace out, Jungalow.

Bye, Jungalow. Love you.

To reach their extraction point,

Kyle and Malu will
have to navigate

through three
miles of tributaries

teeming with territorial
caiman and venomous stingrays

to reach the Atlantic Ocean,
where they will meet the vehicles

that will take them
out of the jungle.

- Ready when you are.
- Okay.

I'm gonna do my best
not to touch the bottom.

Yeah.

The bottom is definitely...

- Ooh, it's so squishy.
- -Yeah, there's gotta be something in this water.

- You good?
- Uh-huh.

All right.

It's deeper than what I
thought it was gonna be.

Mmm-hmm.

It's like snake heaven.

Please be careful. I know
there's stingrays and snakes

and, God forbid, caiman.

Yeah.

Believe me, I'm doing my best.

I don't want any of those
things touching me either.

That sucks. That's gross.

Keep pushing.

I'm trying. It's covered
in crap and lily pads.

My feet were a foot into
the mud on the bottom.

You have no idea what's below
you, what's on the side of you?

You are the prey, so to speak.

- Stay towards the middle.
- Yes.

Here we go.

Okay, you heard that, right?

- You saw that, right?
- Yup. Absolutely.

-What is that?
-What is what?

Where?

Up 15 feet, moving
towards our left.

Whatever it was,
it's moving away.

I know that there's caiman. I know
there's snakes. I know there's stingrays.

I'm worried.

I don't know what that was that
was just in the water that jumped,

but we gotta get by that.

- It's getting deeper.
- I know.

Oh, I can't even
reach the bottom.

Yup, I'm done. I can't
use this anymore.

Grab the oar.

- Yeah?
- Yup.

- How deep is it right there.
- -I can't touch.

Let's go you're almost there.

Almost there. I can feel it.

I'm tired. And I
know you're tired.

I'm swimming.

We got this. We got this.

Right around this bend.

I can hear the ocean. Come on.

There we go.

There's the
ocean. I can hear it.

I can see it.

Oh, look at the ocean!

I see the beach!

Where's our extraction vehicle?

Where's the guy?

Oh, my God.

- We made it.
- Yeah.

We made it. All right.

Yo, our raft made it.

Our raft made it all the way!

Let's go, dude! Good job, man!

Yo, hell of a job.

We are no longer
armchair survivalists,

we are survivalists!

-Give it to me!
-I love it.

-I love it.
-Oh, my God!

So, we made it, man.

It's just complete
bliss, complete joy.

There's no better
feeling than winning.

Let's go!

I'm so... so excited.

- Yo, good job, dude.
- Yes.

This 14-day journey
started off hard.

And, then, it just got harder
and harder and harder.

And I just got
stronger and stronger.

And you know what, as
an armchair survivalist,

I wouldn't be here without
the skills that I've learned

from watching Naked and Afraid.

And my partner is a superhero.

But I don't think I'm
ever gonna do this again.

I think I love my
couch too much.

But don't get it twisted,

I am and will always
be a real survivalist.

And don't forget,
in this challenge,

duct tape was
queen, just like me.

Malu used her armchair
survivalist expertise

to withstand Colombia's
devastating jungle conditions,

dropping 15 pounds
in the process.

Her Primitive Survival
Rating rises 5.7 to 6.6.

Before we leave, you
know what time it is!

-It's time to leave Colombia!
-Colombia.

Colombia? Did I do that right?

-No!
-That's what I'm doing.

- Colombia!
- Colombia!

- Let's go. Let's go.
- Let's go.

What an incredible
journey, honestly.

This has taught me so
much about myself, about life.

No matter how bad you're suffering,
no matter what's going on in your head,

there's no obstacle too
big for you to overcome.

We had to work through
communication issues.

We had to learn
how to work together.

I'm gonna take everything I
can out of this going home,

and be the best person I can.

I would absolutely
do another challenge.

This journey has
been incredible.

It's just a complete natural high
that you can't get another way.

Utilizing his construction
knowledge and metal resilience,

Kyle successfully crossed
the finish line 30 pounds lighter.

His Primitive Survival Rating
skyrockets from 5.8 to 6.9.

Get me out of Colombia!