02x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

[laughs]

humming "My Sharona"
by the The Knack

- My Corona!
-[chuckling] Oh, "My Corona."

This story is freaking me out.

The what?

All this virus sh*t.

Mm.

[sighs]

But I'm sure we'll be okay.

Yeah.

theme music

[Matthew] We went on the trip
and I just did what I had to to

keep him calm and happy.

He requires a great
deal of attention.

[Orna] Mm-hm.

Mm.

It is attention,
attention, attention,

-attention, attention.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.

Describe it.

How does that show up?

I mean, he's very verbal.

If I'm not giving him enough
attention, he'll tell me,

"You're not giving
me enough attention."

-[Orna] Mm-hm.
-Yeah.

[Orna] What kind of attention?

Well, I mean, anything
from, like, actual physical...

-Contact.
-[Matthew] Yeah, like physical.

Like, just even touch.

Mm-hm.

He wants a hug all the time.

[Orna] Mm-hm.

-To sexual.
-[Orna] Mm-hm.

To...

like, we text all day long.

So there's no real separation.

Right now, I'm working some
different hours so our sleep

schedule is a little different.

And he's having to sleep
on his own a little bit.

So I think that's giving
him some anxiety as well.

[laughs]

-[Orna] Yeah?
-Yeah.

This might sound weird but
can you tell me something about

your...

about growing up?

Um, sure.

I left home when I was 14

to start ballet professionally
in a different city.

Where did you go?

[Gianni] I
started in Naples at 14.

And then I moved
to Germany at 16.

So I've been away
from my family...

-Since you were a kid.
-[Gianni] Since I was a baby.

Yeah.

Emotionally,
how did it impact you?

Um, it was actually I got
more homesick the older I got.

Now, especially, I'm more
homesick than I used to be when

-I was younger.
-Yeah.

I was fine and comfortable when
I was young to be by myself.

Now, I can't be in
a room on my own.

I always need someone
around, or be with someone,

otherwise I just think
too much and I have, like...

-Yeah, I have anxiety.
-[Orna] Anxiety.

-Yeah.
-[Orna] Yeah.

That somehow doesn't
surprise me because you can't...

I mean, 14,
you're kind of a baby.

But I wonder how-- I mean, to
understand something about how

that brings the
two of you together,

how it plays out
between the two of you,

particularly in terms of
Matthew's drinking history.

What does it mean
to you, Gianni,

to attach to someone who
is dropping like this?

I mean, one thought I'm
having immediately is,

like, connecting to someone who
is actually in a state of great

desperation or need is a way for
you to work through some of your

own stuff by
taking care of Matthew.

And for you?

What was going on with you that
you were putting your life at

such risk?

Why were you attacking
yourself so fiercely?

Why didn't you care?

Not in a blame way, in a
real question to yourself.

What happened to you?

Why?

-See you next week.
-[Matthew] Next week, yes.

-Goodnight.
-[Gianni] Thank you so much.

dramatic music

-[Orna] See you next week.
-Thank you so much.

[man on TV] Governor Andrew
Cuomo has now ordered 100

percent of nonessential workers
in New York State to stay home.

[Orna] Come on, Nico.

Come on.

[woman on TV] Only essential
personnel will be allowed to go

to work.

[man on TV] The governor
insinuating that we may not have

schools again this year.

This could get
out-of-control very quickly.

[man on TV] We have no
idea how long this lockdown will

last.

[clock ticking]

ambient music

Record.

When is the last
time you did, um,

actual math stuff?

What?

[Orna] Hi.

Hi.

[Orna] How are you two?

Could be better.

I'm feeling a
little bit cooped-up.

You know, both kids' schools are
closed, so they're home all day

every day.

Whoa!

[Michal] I felt like I
was just going crazy.

And then he told me he
would be here all day with me,

working from home.

And I was just so happy.

But my frustration level
with him hasn't changed.

I still feel like
I wanna k*ll him.

[kids screaming]

I feel like definitely
because he's home,

I have more direct
contact with him,

so I see what he's
doing like every day,

all day.

And he's been spending a
lot of time wasting his time.

And at the same time, you know,
I'm working on my company,

and then there's the kids
and the housecleaning and just

everything that
goes along with that.

And when I, like, see that he's
spending hours watching TV or

talking to his friends, I just
feel very taken advantage of.

Okay.

We'll get back there.

I want to hear
Michael's perspective on this.

She doesn't know
what exactly it is I do,

and she doesn't know what I'm
able to do while I'm doing that.

I just feel so annoyed that, why
do I have to go into the weeds

-as to what I'm able to do?
-You literally do nothing.

Literally.

Do you realize that right
now if I worked one day a week,

which I'm doing now, I would
make more than you make in an

entire week?

You literally do nothing.

You're so lazy.

Your existence is
worthless right now.

It's absolutely worthless.

I want to make a suggestion.

Like, the kids are more dirty.

Like, I don't understand.

Did you give
Olivia a bath today?

Because she seems to be wearing
the same thing as last night.

Surprise, surprise!

Not surprised at all, actually.

Michal, Michal...

[Michal] Did either of them
eat anything that wasn't junk?

Michal, I need you to engage
with me in a way because we

can't have you just
keep repeating yourself.

I really get it.

But do you want some
help in changing things?

Yeah, but I don't think that
things are gonna change by him

just constantly
saying, "I disagree.

I disagree.

She doesn't see me.

She doesn't see what I do."

You know what, you want
me to not see what you do?

Stop doing everything, because
you literally do nothing.

So just stop working!

Stop it!

I don't need you anymore, okay?!

Michal!

Michal, you are unraveling.

Michal.

Can you engage with me?

I understand
what's frustrating you.

But the way you're
doing it is not working.

It's really not working.

[sighs]

But Michal, what if you
were for a while not in the

business of handling Michael?

What if we did it the opposite
and he tried a little bit to be

more like me?

And see how hard it is to
do all the things that I just do

for him and for this family?

Honestly, I think that I
probably do more for the family

than she does.

[Michal] I'm sorry but
this is just such bullshit.

Hold on, hold on one second.

When I hear
something like that,

I literally want to smack him.

I'm not managing to
have much of an impact,

and I don't know if
it's partially due to this

technology.

But it's very difficult
for me to intervene at all.

I feel like either you don't
hear me or you're not interested

or you're too invested in this
thing that the two of you do and

you don't actually want
help from the outside.

[sighs] I do want help.

I want to try.

I would be happy
to try to do this.

[Orna] Okay.

So if you started doing a few
things that you're watching

Michael doing and
you're feeling envious of,

what would that be?

Um...

Well, I feel like he spends
a lot of time watching TV,

talking to his friends, not
really taking care of the kids

but just kind of hanging
around and playing with them.

So I want to do
all those things.

Okay, so can I now
give you kind of a doctor's

prescription that every day,
you're taking two hours a day to

do that?

Two hours a day.

How am I gonna fit
it into my schedule?

I'm serious.

[Michal] Okay.

And whatever you want
done during those two hours,

dump it onto Michael.

And Michael will
have to do it his way.

[Michael] Right.

[Michal] Okay, fine.

Okay.

ambient music

Maybe we could start
with how you feel yourself

relative to the remote
way of life that we're in.

I mean, with certain couples,
when they get too embroiled in

their conflict, it's harder for
me to get in there and stop the

action and have
them listen to me.

It's harder to stop
it because of the screen?

It's easier for them to leave
me out I think because of the

technology.

Yeah.

They're in the room
together, and I'm on the screen.

I could totally imagine that
you're trying to go like this.

[Orna] Right!

Here!

I'm here to help you!

And it's like, do
they not hear me?

I don't understand.

And part of me feels, like...

kind of outraged.

I'm your therapist
and you're, like,

not listening to me one bit.

Right.

Right.

All right, check this out.

[Orna] Their issue with
Michal's dogged belief that if

she changed him,
things would get better.

[Virginia] Yes.

[Orna] And there's something
about it that's very convenient

for him.

I don't think he understands
the degree to which he is,

in a way, exploiting her.

But some of the work has
to do just with lockdown,

kids at home, on view
to each other 24/7.

Another thing that
I've found is the couples

who were not doing well, this
has not done anything good for

them.

Right.

This pandemic, like, it brings
out where a couple really is.

[foreign language].

[foreign language].

[Gianni] [foreign
language]. [laughs]

[Orna] Oh, who's that?

Macy and Scotty.

[Orna] Oh, my God!

So cute!

Oh. [laughs]

So cute.

So Gianni, where is
your family in Italy?

-It's in the south.
-In the south.

It's still not, uh--

Not as bad.

Not as bad as
the north of Italy.

But the entire country's
shut down and I was...

I'm here, they're there.

-There's nothing that I can do.
-[Orna] Right.

But tell me, how is it for you?

Awful. [chuckles]

[Orna] Awful,
but, like, describe.

There was a time-- I mean, last
week I couldn't stop crying.

And I'm already anxious myself,
and now this is giving me a lot

of anxiety.

It's not that I can go to the
gym or dance because everything

is closed here too, so it's hard
to relieve all this anxiety.

I have to be honest, I have
been drinking a little bit now

because I'm...

because of this.

Ooh.

[Gianni] Yeah.

That's not good.

Do you want to say
something about that, Matthew?

I mean, he was just
trying to push this session

because he drank
too much last night,

and, I mean, it's
kind of like,

well...I don't care,
but at the same time,

that's not appropriate.

And that's not
helping the situation.

He's been very upset over the
last several weeks and he's

been, you know-- he's been
really taking this pandemic to,

uh, a whole 'nother level.

I mean, it's...I leave him alone
for a little bit and then he...

you know.

It's not every day.

-I did it last night because--
-[Orna] Wait, hold on.

But then he...?

You leave him alone and then...?

And he just, you know,
drank a couple bottles of wine.

Okay, I'm very glad
we're having a session.

Let's try to help with this.

Gianni, just talk.

Tell me what's going
on through your mind,

the feelings that come up.

I just fear, you know,
like, my dad is not that young.

How old is he?

He's 52.

-[Orna] 52?
-Yeah.

I know it's fine, but you
know, they don't have many

hospitals where I'm from.

The closest hospital is
like 40 minutes away.

Yeah.

And then yes,
one day or another,

I do enjoy a bottle of wine
at home and I could just,

you know, maybe
don't think a little bit.

I try to be careful
with the situation,

you know.

I don't want to put bottles
in front of him and, like,

just tempt him.

Obviously, I know
that-- [laughs]

But just the existence of
drinking around is probably not

a great idea for someone who
is really in the first year of

recovery.

I mean, I always ask him.

-And he always says--
-[Orna] You shouldn't ask.

I'm telling you.

-Just not good.
-[Gianni] Yeah.

I'm taking a very strong
position here but I think you

guys should not go
the booze direction.

tense acoustic guitar

[giggling]

[Michal] It's been really hard.

It's been very stressful.

It's been very anxiety-inducing.

[Olivia] [babbling]

[Dru] Your knees is
where the thigh ends.

No, no, no.

You have knees here...

I feel like it's starting
to mess with me a little bit.

Being stuck in the
house and, I don't know,

I feel like it's
getting more tense for us.

We've been in the
apartment for a month now.

Like, a month locked in.

And we don't know how
long this is gonna go on.

One more month,
two more month...

[Orna] The quarantine forces
people to give up their exit

fantasies.

[Virginia] Yes.

[Orna] Whether the exit is "If
my partner is making me crazy,

I'm gonna go drink," "If my
partner's making me crazy,

I'm gonna plan leaving," or
"I'm gonna stonewall them for a

week."

There are all these exits that
people have to get out of the

intensity of whatever's brewing.

So the quarantine is a situation
where, I mean, in a way there's

no exit.

So people on some level have
to function as if "This is my

partner, this is
real, I'm doing this."

[Tashira] The kids
are not in school.

I'm not working right now.

He's still working.

[Orna] Yeah?

[Dru] Yeah.

Trains gotta move.

[honking]

It's a little scary, you know,
being at work in the subways.

You never know what you
could bring home to the family.

He sent me a text
last week about,

um, our sex life.

That he's not very happy with.

How was this text phrased, Dru?

[Dru] I just told her
that it's non-existent.

I feel like I'm not wanted.

Um...

Meaning you're
feeling unwanted and...

And feeling like I don't even
know how to even go about sex

with her anymore because there's
been plenty of times where she's

denied it or she gives an
attitude about it and she's just

like, "Ugh, fine, okay."

You know, it's not even about
the physicality of the sex.

It's more of the feeling that
you get from your partner from

that.

So Tashira, how was
it to receive this text?

[Tashira] I was a
little annoyed, to be honest.

And I responded to him two days
later and I was honest with him.

Two days you
just didn't respond?

No, I didn't--
no, I didn't respond.

What was going on inside
you during those two days?

You know, it's difficult to say
out loud that I find he is more

attracted to me
than I am of him and,

um...

you know, his weight.

And I know he has an issue with
it as well because we've only

had sex maybe three
times completely naked.

I mean, I've been
completely naked,

you know, but he hasn't.

Dru, you don't get undressed?

Yeah, I'm just
wearing my t-shirt.

I'm just used to it.

I'm not 100 percent
comfortable with my weight.

But down the line,
during our relationship,

she's...

she's said some bad things in
an argument about my weight,

so I don't understand
how you could make me feel

any comfortable in
wanting to get fully naked.

So yeah, but to come to
the actual point of it,

she's just not attracted
to me because of my weight.

I don't know if it's because of
the way that maybe I gained a

couple of weight after the
baby was born when we moved

in, or maybe she's never
been comfortable with it.

I don't know.

She needs to figure it out,
because if she's not attracted,

then that's that.

Because obviously if
there's no attraction,

there's no relationship.

And I'm at that
point where I'm just...

every time, it's
just a new issue.

If it's not, we can't talk about
it, she feels like she can't

talk to me, or if it's not the
resentment of having the baby,

or if it's not the resentment
of moving in together,

and now it's the weight thing.

So every time,
it's just a new thing.

You know?

And I'm just
tired at this point.

But let me ask: Tashira,
does-- it does seem like you...

I don't actually get a real
sense that you're invested in

-the relationship.
-[Dru] No.

[Orna] Am I wrong?

No, not to-- not...

No, you're not wrong.

So what are we doing?

[scoffs]

I mean, I'm trying
to figure it out.

I'm trying to...

work on this.

I mean, like I said before--

I think your way of, um,
bringing yourself into,

let's say, this kind of therapy
might be similar to what you're

doing in the relationship,
which is you show up

and your entire message
seems to be "I got nothing.

I have no wish here."

Which might be simply that
indeed you've got nothing.

You don't have any interest.

Or it might be your way
of positioning yourself.

And I think that's something
for you to think really hard

about.

Okay.

What do you want?

To be alone with the kids.

That's what she wants.

To be alone.

With the kids.

-Not with me.
-Is that what you want?

It's not always
what I want, you know?

I mean...

He-- he supports me.

You know?

And I know that if something
were to happen, he would always

be there for me.

But...

I don't know,
maybe I'm just scared.

[Orna] Of?

Of...

[trembling] Being
close to somebody.

Of giving somebody that--

I gotta check on the baby.

He's crying.

Giving somebody
that power, I guess.

Of committing to
somebody in that way.

You know, it's easier
when you're alone.

It's just you.

You don't have to
depend on anybody.

So I-- you know, it's not easy.

It's not easy for me.

I mean--

-Hi!
-Say hi.

Good morning!

Aw. [laughs]

That is so sweet.

Wanna put him on his chair?

I'll see if [inaudible].

[Tashira] So yeah,
I just think that, um--

You have a lot of fear of
connecting and depending.

Yeah.

I do, for sure.

You know, and that's what I mean
when I say, like, "I know he's a

good guy."

You know?

He's one of the best
guys that I've ever had.

Um...

So I know that if
I continue this way,

I may lose him.

Say more.

You know, I mean,
I'm trying, I'm here.

I'm trying to figure this out
and do this with him to the best

that I can but sometimes,
I don't know if I can.

I love you, but you
always drag me down

You're dragging me down

Say you want it, then
you never make a sound

You don't make a sound

But there's nobody

But there's nobody

But there's nobody
gets me like you

And there's nobody
gets me like you

You try to walk a line

I put it overtime

We keep it all inside

[But there's nobody,
But there's nobody]

You never lost the vibe

I live in overdrive