01x01 - Brace Yourself

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Beeping)

♪ Something tells me

I’ve been dreaming ♪

♪ Of someone who was

never real ♪

♪ It’s seems I've changed

a thousand ways ♪

♪ I wish I looked

the way I feel ♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ah

♪ Ah

♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Braceface

♪

SHARON NARRATING: This is

the day my life went from good,

to better, to best, to worst.

Confused?

You’ll understand in a minute.

Let’s start here, I'm Sharon

Spitz and this is my school.

(Phone ringing)

ALL: Yeah?

SHARON NARRATING: These are

my comrades.

And there I am.

So anybody get a date for

the dance and not tell me?

I’d ask someone but I can't

dance.

SHARON NARRATING: It’s true,

he can’t.

I’ve known Connor since we were

in diapers.

He wore cloth ’cause he was

allergic to the other kind, the

kind I was wearing.

He’s put up with me ever since.

Um, wait a minute Connor, you

can’t dance or you won't dance?

Uh, a little of both.

I’m still waiting for Alden

Jones to ask me.

You know, I don’t get it.

You have a mouth don’t ya, you

should use it.

What’s with you two anyways,

your combined passivity is so

not inspiring.

SHARON NARRATING: Maria Wong,

she’s always telling it

like it is.

Which is sometimes bad, but

mostly good.

On top of that, she’s got guts.

She parachutes, heli-skis,

she’ll do it.

And drag me along too.

(Giggling)

That’s Nina Harper, my least

favourite person in the entire

wide universe.

She’s mean and snobby with her

perfectly fake red hair and

well, I don’t want to sink to

her level here but believe it

or not we were friends up until

grade two.

When she was still a brunette.

But then someone mysteriously

chopped off all her dolls’

heads and she blamed me.

Sharon, how could you!

How could you!

SHARON NARRATING: Didn’t

matter that I was innocent, she

never forgave me.

Ohh, Alden Jones, in person.

Oh, it looks like Alden’s

finally gonna ask me to the

dance on Saturday.

Can I borrow your lip gloss?

Hi- huh?

Err.

Does it sound better

hyphenated?

Mrs. Sharon Spitz-Jones.

Or is hyphenating too clunky?

Hey!

SHARON: I know, what about

Dr. Sharon and Dr. Alden Jones?

That’s good, right?

Of course, that’s assuming he

passes his boards.

Hi, mind if I join you?

So, uh, I was thinking, the

disco decorations are suppose to

be really cool on Saturday.

I thought, maybe you’d want to

see it.

With me.

At the dance.

SHARON NARRATING: When I’m

old and look back on my life,

this is definitely gonna be

up there with my most super

thrilling moments.

♪

Ahhh!

Oh yeah, woo hoo!

Who’s the coolest, that's right,

that’s me.

Uh huh, oh yeah!

Ah, ugh, ow.

Oh yeah, I’m in, I'm in.

HELEN SPITZ: Sharon!

Did you fall off your bed again?

SHARON NARRATING: That’s my

mom, the therapist.

Means well, love her dearly,

doesn’t get it.

I knew something was up the

second she walked in.

She had that fake cheery smile

on, the one she always wears

when she about to employ

reverse psychology.

Honey, great news.

Remember when we signed you up

for braces in sixth grade, to

fix your whole wisdom teeth

situation.

Well, Dr. Hertz’s office finally

called, they have an opening

today.

No way!

Don’t worry, honey, it's only

for a couple of years.

Years.

Years.

Years.

Years.

(Thunder clashing)

Okay princess, ready to

rock and roll?

Okay princess, you’ve gotta try

to keep that tongue out of my

way.

No biting.

(Raining)

(Thunder clashing)

Why is my mouth so hot?

Just a power outage.

Ready to see your beautiful

brackets?

SHARON: Do I have to?

Just wait until you get the

headgear.

(Thunder striking)

Adam, what are you doing!

You were in my way and

I’m hungry.

We just ate!

I’ve got a big meet tomorrow,

I can’t wrestle on an empty

stomach.

Honey, I’ve got three

children to feed.

ADAM: Oh, sis.

Sorry about the way you look.

SHARON NARRATING: That’s

Adam, my brother.

I’m sorry about the way he

looks.

Just so you know, he recently

had a growth spurt, he wasn’t

born like that.

Oh, I can’t go out with Alden

looking like this.

Why, why, why?

(Tuning radio)

(Television beeping)

UNKNOWN VOICE: Hey, hey,

hey!

Up for some grub Byzon?

Adam?

BYZON: Ah, bro I’m craving

carbs.

We had salmon for dinner.

Oh man, so not enough.

Hello?

Adam, can you hear me?

ADAM: When can you meet?

Now bro, Fry Hut!

Bro!

Mom!

Mom, my braces!

I heard some noise and all of a

sudden I could hear Adam on the

phone with one of his friends.

Was your phone off the hook?

No!

Adam and Tony are meeting at the

Fry Hut.

But we just had dinner.

Mom, I said I think I’m

hearing people talking in my

mouth.

My mouth!

Here, why don’t you sit down

and free your mind of those

tight confining braces.

Humph.

First visit free of charge!

Maria, there you are!

Guess what!

I decided I’m going to the dance

this weekend.

Last night, I had this nightmare

that I was really old, like

almost 20 and I’d never been to

a school dance.

Cut to the chase please.

Could you teach me a few

moves?

I don’t do dances.

Please!

Okay, it all starts with a

rocking motion, back and forth,

back and forth.

Uhh, uh.

Oomph.

BOTH: SHARON?

Mama Mia!

Too bad it couldn’t wait

’til tomorrow.

What difference would it

make?

Today’s Picture Day.

(Zapping)

Ouch!

Errg.

Ah!

What are you doing?

Nothing, nothing, I’m okay.

Oh, hi.

What’s wrong?

Uh, I just, never mind.

(Bling)

Oh my god, Sharon Spitz got

braces, oh!

Do they hurt?

Yeah, they really hurt.

Ugh, I just hate pain.

Well then, you’re lucky you

don’t need them.

I know.

I’m lucky about a lot of things.

Um, has Alden seen them yet?

No, why?

I just hope that he’ll still

go to the dance with you, I

mean, you know how picky guys

can be.

(Bell ringing)

See ya!

Ugh.

Sharon, hey!

Ready to face the camera?

Umm hmm.

Cool.

Hey, are you alright?

Umm hmm.

So, we still doing the dance

thing Saturday night?

Great, uh, I guess, I’ll pick

you up at your house around

7:30.

(Mumbled) I can’t wait.

(Whistling)

Don’t forget my brow.

Next!

A frown is just a smile turned

upside down.

C’mon let's see your real smile,

huh.

That’s all you got for me

beautiful?

C’mon, I know you can do better.

Say cheese-ball!

Huh.

I’m waiting.

Tick tock, tick tock.

Hmm I might just have to bring

out, Smiley, the puppet to cheer

you up.

(Laughing)

(Cracking)

(Gasping)

You broke my camera.

(Weeping)

Good one, brace face.

Brace face.

Dr. Hertz!

I really need to talk to you.

Do you have an appointment?

It’s an emergency!

Okay, well this better be

good.

We’ve got to get these things

off.

Strange things have been

happening.

Yesterday I heard people

talking, from inside my mouth.

I’m afraid you're going to

have to see another doctor for

that.

Isn’t your mother in that line

of business?

But, you don’t understand!

Okay, well, I’ll see you

in a couple of weeks for your

tightening.

Uh- uh.

♪

Connor, I know this whole

dance plan is suppose to save

you from a future of loneliness

but um--

We could be making things worst.

How about this!

♪

(Giggling)

(Sneezing)

Keep working on it, Connor.

I’ll check in on ya later.

(Sneezing)

Make sure you’re not wearing

rayon!

(Sneezing)

Oh.

You think this is gonna work?

Well, it’s just step one in

Plan A.

(Printing)

What’s Plan A again?

Get the guy!

And Plan B?

Get the guy.

You’re so lucky Nina, Alden

is so adorable!

You know, wearing braces is

bad enough, we don’t need your

added negative attention.

Huh?

"Braceface breaks camera!"

Yeah well, listen whiner boy,

you should be happy you’re

getting any attention at all!

Noo!

We’ll find out who did this

Sharon, don’t worry.

TEACHER: Who has their poem

memorized for today?

Maria Wong, we haven’t heard

from you in a while.

(Sighing)

I’m nobody.

Who are you?

Are you nobody too?

Then there’s a pair of us, don't

tell.

They’ll advertise you know.

How dreary, to be somebody.

How public, like a frog.

To tell one’s name the

livelong June.

(Static charging)

To an admiring bog.

(Radio static buzzing)

NINA: Alden, it’s Nina.

Did I catch you at a bad time?

It’s okay, what's up Nina?

Well, I’m sorry to be the

bearer of bad news Alden, but

Sharon can’t go to the dance

with you on Saturday.

You do know she’s got braces,

right?

No, I uh- actually I didn’t

know.

Oh, I guess you didn’t see the

posters.

Well, the poor thing is in so

much pain.

I saw her yesterday and she

was acting pretty weird.

Nobody’s weirder than Sharon,

that’s for sure.

She was afraid to tell you the

truth, but I told her not to

worry I’d be happy to go to the

dance with you.

It’s the way she wants it.

Hold on Alden.

Can’t you see I'm busy?

(Gasping)

So, why don’t you pick me up at

say, 7?

You know, before we do this,

I need to call Sharon.

Really Alden, don’t do that.

She’s too gruesome right now.

She’s got scabs all over her

mouth, she can barely speak.

Scabs!

Your right, I really don’t

wanna go with her.

What a nightmare.

Nina’s so not my type.

Hey, what’s going on?

In the middle of my Emily

Dickenson showpiece you runaway

to the back of the room, proceed

to yell scabs and then race out.

Isn’t there an etiquette rule

out there that says--

Stop it!

You have no idea what’s going

on.

You’re right, enlighten me.

It wasn’t the poem.

Oh, so it was me.

No, it was me, it was my

braces, they’re doing--

They’re making me do crazy

things and Nina’s plotting to

steal Alden away and--

Hey, slow down.

Nina’s always plotting and

braces are so everywhere!

And Alden’s got a thing for you.

You think?

♪

SHARON NARRATING: If Maria

was right, then Alden would

ignore Nina’s total lies and

believe me.

I mean, if a guy has a thing

for you, it’s worth exploring

don’t you think?

Hello?

Alden, it’s Sharon, Sharon

Spitz.

Oh, hey.

It’s not what you think.

First of all, I do not have

scabs.

Second of all--

All I know is you want me to

go to the dance with Nina,

right?

No, I never said that.

I mean, unless, that’s what you

want, because if it

is-- (indistinguishable static).

Hello?

Hello, Sharon?

Is- this- pho- ing-

Alden?

(Dial tone ringing)

Can’t anything go right Moshie?

Well, everything work out

between you and lover boy?

It’s over.

Noo!

Yes.

Oh, you’re not going to the

dance with Alden?

I’m not even going to the

dance, period.

Hey, that’s my line.

Whatever.

Oh good, that’s good.

Feel sorry for yourself, have no

fun for the rest of your

braces sentence.

In fact, you don’t even deserve

a friend like me who’s giving

you such sterling advice.

Here I felt the able bodied girl

who loves to dance, who’s

semi-popular, who--

Stop!

Ooh, I’m just starting.

I’ll think about it just so

you’ll shut up.

(Phone ringing)

♪

CONNOR: Hey, you’ve reached

Connor, leave a message.

Achoo!

Man.

(Beeping)

Con, what’ll you say,

Saturday night.

You, me and a disco ball.

SHARON: Okay, here we go.

Did you take your antihistamine?

Yeah.

Did you wash your hands?

16 times.

Eye drops?

Then you won’t be needing those.

MARIA: Hey, wait up!

You came.

I thought you didn’t do

dances.

You know I always like a good

challenge.

Are we ready to shake our

booties girl?

Yeahh!

♪

(Gasping)

♪

(Clapping)

(Cheering)

Hey, what’s in that

antihistamine?

Mind over matter!

♪

What’s going on over there?

It’s just a couple of geeks,

trying to dance.

♪

Thanks to everyone who made

booging in an autumn barnyard

such a success!

Now it’s time to announce this

year’s disco king and queen, who

will share in the next dance.

Can I have a drum roll please!

(Drum rolling)

Disco queen goes to, ah!

Our very own and my best friend,

Nina Harper!

(Clapping)

Thank you to all my peers for

crowning me for the second year

in a row, never gets boring.

And disco king goes to...

Con-Connor MacKenzie.

(Cheering)

Yay.

Eww, who picked him.

MALE DANCER: Nice one Connor!

FEMALE DANCER: Yay Connor!

Ohh, wait, what’s that made

of?

Ugh, stop, don’t put it on, I'll

break out in hives!

And now the disco king and

queen will share in a disco

dance.

Don’t make me do this.

I don’t have to do this!

♪

You’re here!

Noo!

Alden!

SHARON NARRATING: It was a

last resort I know.

But maybe these wacky braces

could come in handy.

(Zapping)

Ahh!

(Laughing)

Does anyone know how much this

hair costs me!

Help, help!

SHARON NARRATING: Okay, so

that didn’t really happen but

wouldn’t it have been so cool!

I don’t know what's going on

with these braces.

I mean one minute weird stuff

is happening, the next it’s

not.

Maybe Venus is in retrograde.

Maybe it’s the year of the

dragon.

Or maybe things are just

changing.

My mother says it’s puberty.

I ask you this, is there

anything more gross.

♪