01x12 - The Pickford Project

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Beeping)

♪ Something tells me

I’ve been dreaming ♪

♪ Of someone who was

never real ♪

♪ It’s seems I’ve changed

a thousand ways ♪

♪ I wish I looked

the way I feel ♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ah

♪ Ah

♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Braceface

♪

SHARON, NARRATING: Finally,

the class trip everyone was

waiting for.

Mr. Hophoff had promised us a

life skills adventure, nothing

less than than 100% immersion

in the wilderness, nothing more

than the bare essentials to

survive.

Two... four... six...

eight... ten...

Will you please sit down!

SHARON, NARRATING: Some of

us just wanted an excuse for a

good party, others there was no

excuse for.

(Gasping)

Then there was Maria, who was

prepping to be a Survivor

contestant.

(Panting)

Connor, however, was unique.

I’m telling you, it’s time.

SHARON, NARRATING: He had a

more interpersonal journey

planned for himself.

Don’t get me wrong, I think

it’s a good idea and everything,

it just seems, I don’t know,

unnecessary.

You don’t think it’s a little

weird that I don’t have any guy

friends?

It’s not weird, it’s just the

way you are.

You’re meant to be a girl’s guy

friend.

Not anymore.

Starting now, I’m gonna be a

guy’s guy!

(Laughing)

♪

SHARON, NARRATING: And me, I

was one part scared that I’d

have to go against all my

principles and eat bugs, and

one part excited that I might

come back totally transformed.

So far, the only life altering

thing that happened was a goose

almost landed on my head!

Now, for those of you who

think this is going to be a free

ride to bonus grades, let me be

clear, this is real life out

here.

Mommy and daddy aren’t going to

rescue you.

Yeah, no-one on your back all

day!

(Laughing)

In fact, you and your

teammates are on your own,

working side by side with mother

nature for the next day and a

half!

No cell phones, no junk food,

just an emergency pager.

This is about appreciating

what’s important, aside from

your basic camping equipment,

you’ll get one match, and a cup

of sunflower seeds.

Can you hack it!?

Yeah!

What about the rest of you?

Yeah...

Sure...

Yeah, no problem!

Now, people, listen up!

I want sharp tacks, none of this

wimpy baloney!

Now who can explain the rules?

Sir, each team starts in a

different spot in the woods.

We must reach the abandoned

hermit’s hut by noon tomorrow.

Ha... aye aye, sir!

That’s right, you find the

items on this list, you get big

bonus points!

You get to the hut first on top

of that, we’re talking 100% in

phys-ed!

Now, hup to!

Don’t forget to leave all

your personal belongings with me

before I put you in your teams.

Connor, you can keep your camera

to get material for the video

yearbook.

Hophoff wasn’t serious about

handing over our cell phones,

was he?

And what about our hot air

rollers, do they count?

Those two are so useless!

But so meant for each other.

Boys’ teams to the right,

girls’ teams to the left!

You’ll be working together in

teams of three.

Oh, Maria, are you sure

you’re gonna be able to hack it

out here?

Excuse me, Brocky boy?

I’ll be looking for your S.O.S.

signals in what... about a half

an hour?

(Giggling)

Alden, Brock, and Connor.

Move it, move it!

Aww, come on, coach!

Let’s go, team, let’s go!

(Sneezing)

Bringing your hot water

bottle too, just in case?

(Laughing)

Sharon, Maria...

SHARON AND MARIA: Yes!

...and Nina!

SHARON AND MARIA: No!

You’re not serious!

You’re putting me with Braceface

and Wong?

Quit your squawking!

Hand over your electronics, CD

players, and any other modern

indulgences.

Positive thinking, Spitz,

that’s the key here!

SHARON, NARRATING: Maria

might’ve thought this was all a

big game, but here I was being

forced to survive in the

wilderness with my number one

enemy!

This wasn’t a challenge, this

was a death sentence!

Good luck, girls!

I’m gonna need it now that

I’m stuck with these sub zero

beings!

You should consider yourself

lucky, your majesty, without us

you’d be dead meat out here!

Please, I could do this solo

in half the time.

Really, so why don’t you lead

us to the rare speckled oak tree

moss?

Good idea!

I’m gonna win this race with or

without you, got it?

I need the marks.

Oh, don’t tell me that the

queen of suck up’s been slacking

off a bit!

Excuse me, but I’m juggling a

demanding acting career with

school!

I didn’t know being an extra

was so time consuming.

What would you know about the

industry anyway, Braceface?

MARIA: And what would you

know about team spirit, huh?

Or the simple thrill of knowing

you tried your best?

We’re not doing this for the

marks, we’re doing it to do it

well!

Yeah, exactly!

Thank you, Maria.

Ha, I don’t care if we’re on

the same team!

It’s gonna be so much fun

watching suckers like you get

totally squished!

SHARON AND MARIA: Ow!

The reef knot, here, is the

most useful of all knots, but

there’s also the bowline or a

hitch.

Might as well give it up,

pal.

You failed your scout’s camp

craft badge for a reason!

Yeah... I got a major Charlie

horse that day!

Ha, don’t give me that lame-o

excuse!

You were weak!

You try building a fire with

pain piercing through your leg!

I hated scouts too, Alden.

I liked it!

(Laughing)

No-one cares!

Now, who wants to hear my plan

to scare the girls?

Uh, guys?

Are you hungry?

What are you talking about?

We just got started!

So, I skipped breakfast!

Just give me my share of the

sunflower seeds.

Well, that’s the stupidest

thing I’ve ever heard!

You knew what we were up

against, and you didn’t even

load up on carbs this morning?

If Sharon wants to stuff her

face this early in the game,

what do we care?

So... can you hand over the

bag, Nina?

Oops, they gave us a

defective bag!

Gimme a break, your press ons

punctured a hole in it!

Do you think so?

Ugh, this is great!

It is, you know, those seeds

were really weighing me down,

what with all my other emergency

provisions!

(Groaning)

Please, do you actually think

I’d share these with you?

(Laughing)

We shall overcome.

Ah, the rare speckled oak tree

moss is supposed to northeast

from here, about a mile in.

This is a total waste of

time!

Let’s just get to this dude’s

hut first, and no-one’ll care

about the speckled

whatchamacallit!

Don’t even think about it!

Can we pick up the pace here?

I don’t think so, Wong,

there’s a shortcut over there!

That map’s not allowed!

Grow up, kiddies!

We have no choice!

♪

(Laughing)

(Flatulence)

I’m telling you, we amplify

these through a funnel of bark,

and the girls will be totally

freaked out!

Will you give it up?

I’m trying to get an accurate

read on this compass!

Hey, what’s this?

Freaky!

Ah, it’s the bushy tailed

black squirrel, up to his little

tricks again.

I’m serious, don’t you think

that’s weird?

Brock’s right, that species

of squirrels have unique storage

habits.

I told you!

Come on, no animal could’ve

done this.

It’s in a perfect triangle!

(Sniffing)

Yup, smells like it’s mating

season, too.

Since when are you an expert?

Since my dad’s a major

naturalist, dimwit!

Really?

I always thought that meant he

was a nudist.

Cool!

This is impossible!

Does Hophoff expect us to look

under every tree?

I told you, Braceface, no-one

cares about the moss!

If Commando Wong up there wasn’t

so determined to do everything

the hard way--

And if Princess Nina didn’t

have to pee every five minutes

in perfect seclusion with the

contemplative view, we might be

on schedule!

(Thunder booming)

(Screaming)

Maria!

(Screaming)

(Zapping)

(Sizzling)

It can’t rain!

My make up isn’t waterproof!

Thanks for your concern!

(Screaming)

Maria, the compass and pager are

fried!

We need a plan!

Maria...?

Maria?

Maria?

Hey!

(Shivering)

What’s with you?

Why won’t you come out from

behind that stupid bush?

I just... can’t!

Are you stuck or something?

I... hate... thunderstorms!

Please, you’re not even

wearing mascara!

Are you saying you’re afraid

of them?

(Thunder booming)

(Panting)

But you’re not afraid of

anything!

Is baby Wong worried the

boogeyman in the sky is gonna

zap her?

Oh, leave me alone!

I knew it!

Being teamed up with you two

meant automatic failure!

From now on, no more Mrs. nice

guy!

I’m in charge!

That way!

SHARON, NARRATING: How could

my entire fate be in the hands

of this evil, evil Nina

she-girl?

She was out to k*ll us!

That much was sure.

I didn’t care what kind of

transformation might happen to

me, I wanted it to all be over!

♪

Are you crazy, Nina?

I’m not going over this!

You have to!

Because of Maria’s major wimp

out back there, we’re about two

hours behind!

This is the only way!

No problem, I’m glad this is

the only way!

C’mon, Sharon, if the army guys

can do it, we can too!

Why don’t you go next,

Sharon?

It’s easy, Sharon!

Sure... piece of cake!

Scoutmaster Wyman used to

really get into sundials, told

the troop they could work better

than a compass!

Forget the troop, you dork!

It’s girl freak out time!

This is the hermit!

Go away!

(Growling)

Hey look, the sundial works!

I’m seriously disappointed in

you, man!

Hey, guys...?

Nina, we better get through

this alive!

Nina?

Yoo-hoo, over here!

Surprise, look what I just

found!

Maria, look!

(Creaking)

(Screaming)

Sharon!

Oh, no!

♪

(Screaming)

Help!

Okay, now this is too much!

I didn’t want to tell you

this, but maybe now’s the time.

What are you talking about,

man?

The hermit.

You know, he’s not really gone.

Legend has it, he was left in

the woods when he was a baby,

and raised by these bushy tailed

squirrels.

He’s part man, part squirrel.

Ha, get out of here!

Dude, it’s not funny!

Think about it, he’d have major

claws, right?

Yep... and these pine cone

mountains are his way of warning

us.

He’s hungry!

What is he hungry for?

Flesh, human flesh!

Nuts alone can’t sustain him!

Maybe he’s in there right

now, waiting for us!

I wouldn’t doubt it!

Hurry it up, Wong!

If she drops, she’s taking a big

water slide ride down those

falls!

(Screaming)

♪

(Screaming)

Help!

Hold on!

Sharon, I’m coming!

(Screaming)

Sharon!

(Splashing)

(Screaming)

Sharon!

Help!

(Sobbing)

It’s okay, it’s okay,

everything’s gonna be okay!

SHARON, NARRATING: It made no

sense, how could my tormentor

and torturer now be my saviour?

I was alive!

And all because of Nina Harper!

ALDEN: Come on, Brock, you

wuss!

CONNOR: Okay, now be prepared to

run!

(Moths flapping)

(Eerie creaking)

There’s something in here!

Do you hear that?

(Gasping)

(Laughing)

That’s beautiful, man!

(Whirring)

Will you turn that thing off?

I can’t believe you snuck that

in, too!

All dry!

Jealous that I just saved your

best friend, Maria, and you

didn’t?

Give me a break!

You’re the one who tricked us in

the first place!

You knew there was another

bridge all along!

Girls, life is too short,

believe me!

I swear, when I was heading for

the rocky waters of that icy

cold gorge, I heard a voice, and

it said, "Live and let live!"

Okay... got it?

Can we talk about something

else, please?

Bottom line, Maria, you

didn’t get the job done.

Nina, I’ll be forever

grateful!

Thing is, with you dead we’d

never would’ve gotten any bonus

points!

(Giggling)

What a kidder, huh?

♪

BROCK: They were just

butterflies... who cares?

ALDEN: You were into it!

I saw that tear streaming down

your face!

(Laughing)

We still don’t know where the

hermit is.

Maybe he’s using the butterflies

to spy on us!

(Screaming)

(Creaking)

(Screaming)

I thought I heard something!

Congratulations, gentlemen, you

got here first!

Uh... Mr. Hophoff, sir?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

(Laughing)

Watch this!

The Brock man’s gonna bail!

(Wolf howling)

Did you hear that...?

(Snoring)

You know Nina, in second

grade I didn’t chop off all your

dolls’ heads!

I know you think I did it, but I

really didn’t!

Really?

That’s the honest truth?

MARIA: Is this for real?

We’re talking how many years

ago, here?

The really eerie part was

that was my favourite doll!

The one that could talk in an

English accent!

The one who said, "Isn’t that

smashing"?

Yeah... Jolinda...

Even with her head chopped off,

she kept saying that sentence,

over and over again!

It gave me nightmares for

months.

Are you two going to spend

all night going down bizarro

memory lane, or what?

Maria, calm down!

Calm down?

I don’t think so!

This is the enemy, Sharon!

How can you forget every

terrible thing she’s ever done

to you?

Trying to steal Alden away,

calling you names, spreading

lies about you!

Argh!

Can’t we all just get along?

(Cheering)

Quiet down, people!

I’m very proud of all you, and

especially the winning team of

Brock Layton, Alden Jones, and

Connor--

Wait!

Don’t tell me we’re last!

It’s not possible!

I’m sorry to say that you

are, indeed, last!

But that’s not to say you’re

losers.

Yes it is!

Ugh, and I told you it was a

waste of time to try and find

the stupid moss thing!

I knew Braceface and Wong would

bring me down!

Down to their lowly, pathetic

level!

Come on, Nina, don’t be that

way!

Remember singing Taps last night

and wiping the slate clean?

Please, you bought that?

I was just practising for my

next audition!

I’m playing a cheesy sap!

SHARON, NARRATING: So, the

lesson of all this, don’t think

you can ever know everything

about anyone, including

yourself.

And don’t think that your life

can change on one overnight

trip!

I mean, look at Connor: he left

us all eager to do that guy

bonding thing, and he still

can’t resist hanging out with

meand Maria!

Oh, come on, we’re playing

crazy eights!

Woo-hoo, we were the ones...

SHARON, NARRATING: I guess no

matter where you go, it’s

always nice to come home.

♪