02x23 - Matchmaker

[bunniefuu]

[music playing]

[theme music playing]

THEME MUSIC: Here we go.

We're getting on the road till
we stop, and then we'll shop.

So one two three,
now, baby, here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

On a mission undercover
and we're in control.

Here we go.

Here we go.

We're the Totally Spies, so
we'll get on with the show.

Here we go. here we go.

[music playing]

[computer beeping]

[music playing]

[humming]

[whirring sound]

[glass shatters]

[laughs]

[thump]

[whirring sound]

[dramatic music playing]

[music playing]

[school bell ringing]

I can't believe the
Valentine's Day sweetheart

dance is already this Friday.

That means we have
less than a week

to find the loves of our lives.

Have faith.

Nature will take its course.

And we'll both have
dates for the dance.

I don't want to
just any old date.

This year I want roses
and poetry and romance.

Yeah.

Oh, oh, and a pink teddy
bear with heart shaped eyes.

Clover's so lucky.

Tell me about it.

She's already found
the love of her life--

Chris.

That's it.

I am done with boys.

I'm Done with dates.

I'm done with love.

Chris?

Done.

You won't believe the
stunt he pulled this time.

Let me guess.

He only called you eight times
yesterday to say he loved you,

instead of his standard 10.

Worse.

For our three day
anniversary, he got tickets

to a monster truck rally.

Boys are so overrated.

As of this moment, I'm
officially off the market.

You mean you're
on a dating hiatus?

That's right.

No more boys.

Like that'll
last through lunch.

Clover, you're overreacting.

There are tons of
great guys everywhere.

Like those two?

Salutations, lovely ladies.

By my calculations,
the Beverly Hills Mom

has the highest ratio of
heartthrobs to honeys.

You can keep me
out of your equation.

I am so not looking for a boy.

Come on.

Let's get a nonfat latte
and make ourselves visible.

[beeping sounds]

Where's our
favorite coffee cafe?

COMPUTER VOICE: You too
can find your truest love.

Arrow through the
Heart Dating Experience.

A computer matchmaking service?

How cyber weird.

Digital love?

I don't buy it.

I'm going to try.

What do you think, Sam?

I'm sure it's totally bogus,
but it still might be fun.

I'll be right
here, staying strong,

solidly single,
boys need not apply.

COMPUTER VOICE: Hello, girls.

Welcome to Arrow
through the Heart.

Please answer the
following questions.

Ice cream is to cake
as blank is to love.

Smoochies.

Intellectual honesty
and political courage.

Hey, I'm Stand.

Stand?

Standing here hoping
you'll go out with me.

As if.

Hey, gorgeous.

They say beauty
is only skin deep.

Let's you and I get shallow.

[growls]

I'm dating hiatus.

Dating hiatus.

Dating hiatus.

COMPUTER VOICE: Which boy
do you think is cuter?

Boy A or Boy B?

Boy Boy A.

Definitely Boy B.

[music playing]

[computer beeping sound]

[school bell ringing]

[grunting]

What's this?

Oh.

[screams]

It's from my Arrow
in the Heart match.

I've been Cordially.

Invited to meet him at--

[gasps] cool.

the Rodeo Drive Sports Pavilion.

His name is-- ah--

Chet.

Isn't that sweet?

[music playing]

I think I got a match.

Dearest Sam, Arrow
through the heart hath

made a determination.

And thus I await with
great anticipation

a date tonight at
the Pomme de Terre.

We'll dine at 7:00,
my lovely lady fair.

Ah.

It's signed Marco.

Uh-- I thought you didn't
believe in computerized dating.

Well, I don't.

But there's no harm
in meeting Marco.

Clover, it's not
too late for you.

You can still get an Arrow
through the Heart match

in time for the
Valentine's dance.

Oh, no, I don't want one.

Since I have sworn off boys,
I've had tons of free time.

Last night I completely
reorganized my handbag closet.

You have a handbag closet?

I told you, I have
tons of free time.

[computer beeping]

[music playing]

[grunting]

Ah.

Hi.

I'm Chet.

You must be Alex.

Ah.

How did you know it was me?

Well, I--

I didn't.

But you are the most beautiful
girl here, so I was hoping.

This is for you.

Ah.

[computer beeping]

Hi.
I'm Sam.

I just wanted to say
this isn't my usual--

I mean-- I wouldn't
normally go on a blind--

I feel silly about--

Is this the face that
launched 1,000 ships

and birthed the topless
towers of Ilium?

You're Doctor Faustus?

Sweet Sam, make me
immortal with octopus.

Creamed calamari
is my favorite.

[computer beeping]

[passing traffic]

[music playing]

No more beautiful guys.

[school bell ringing]

[hallway chatter]

Hey, watch where you're--

Clover, I told you about
boy, he's such a dream boat.

So is my Peetie Pie.

Let me guess.

Your new Arrow through
the Heart boyfriends?

You mean my new boyfriend.

[squeals]

[growls]

Have you guys noticed that
half the girls in the school

are crazy tweaked about
their computer dates.

[popping sound]

Um, ahem.

Oh, sorry, Clover.

I was just thinking
about my dream boy, Chet.

And I was thinking
about my adorable Marco.

Don't tell me you two
are love struck too.

What did you dates do?
Propose?

No.

Not yet.

But look.

Marco gave me an authentic
cubic zirconia sweetheart ring.

Chet gave me one made from
genuine imitation diamonoid.

OK, what is
wrong with you too?

You can't see this head over
heels after just one date.

Right after the dance,
we're dropping out of school.

Yeah, we need to
free up more time

to spend with our soulmates.

What?

Even the school
studs are duds?

Something is seriously
whacked around here.

I'm calling Jere.

I don't see a problem, Clover.

World satellites have
discovered zero evidence

of hypnotic pathogens in
Beverly Hills or Beverly Hills

adjacent areas.

There's something majorly
disturbing going on.

There's current global crisis.

You should enjoy the time off.

Perhaps do a bit
of dating yourself.

I'm on hiatus.

[music playing]

If Jere won't
give me any backup,

I'm going this mission alone.

First things first, gadgets.

OK, old gadgets.

M-ray contact lenses
in aquamarine.

Ultrasensitive two clip banana
barrette listening device,

and chewable gluable
tracking gum.

Oh.

[computer beeping]

The ellipticals
swirls of color

remind me of the whirl
pools of your eyes.

Ah, Marco, your
intellect is dizzying.

I don't know what's
grosser, the cheesy love

talk or this liver
flavored tracking gum.

Alas, my love, I'm
forced to leave you.

Until Friday's
dance, dear Marco.

Parting is such exquisite pain.

[music playing]

[gasps]

Way bizzarro.

Now my gum sensor is
tracking this guy.

[music playing]

Hmm.

Ah.

I can't believe this.

Two faced boy is two
timing Alex and Sam.

[snoring]

I got to book chickadee.

I promised my little
sister some one

on one coaching time before her
synchronized swimming tryouts.

I can totally dig that.

See you at the Valentines
dance tomorrow night.

Ah.

Oh, jeez.

This is out of control.

[music playing]

This guy is suckering all the
girls from Beverly Hills High.

Oh, Favier, this foot
exfoliation is tres bon.

Not as tres bon as
the sound of your voice,

mon petite tres pas sucre.

Sacre bleu.

Sacre blech.

Mandy, mon cherie,
allow moi to bestow

upon you this meager token of
moi affection, s'il vous plait.

I will allow it.

Oui.

Glittery Snitt.

If this creepy Casanova thinks
he can play Sam and Alex,

he's got another thing coming.

[music playing]

Glittery Snitt
Jewelry Store, so this

is where he gets his trinkets.

[music playing]

Good morning.

Welcome to Glittery Snit.

I'm Eugene.

May I help you?

Oh, I was just checking out
your lovely quarry, darling.

You have very
beautiful diamonds.

Oh, what's this, darling?

I think someone must
have just left it here.

You go to Beverly Hills High?

No.

I go to the Institute
for Gifted Teens.

WOMAN: Eugene.

Yes, mummy?

Have you made a
sale to this girl?

No, not yet.

Buy something or get out.

Yes, sir.

[music playing]

So, you want to
go to the dance?

Should I pick you up at 8:00?

Will you marry me?

Step off.

OK, this is really
getting out of hand.

I got to shut it down before--

[panting] rude much.

I better find Sam and Alex.

Marco is going to love these.

Pink is Chet's
favorite flavor.

I have to talk to you too.

Not now, Clover.

We have to get
ready for the dance.

I have to do my hair.

Marco likes it up.

I have to get a manicure.

Chet likes me to wear
seafoam nail polish.

Earth to Zombie Chicks.

This is a crisis situation.

There is something wrong
with your stupid soulmates.

You're just jealous, Clover.

Yeah, you had a chance
for true happiness.

And you threw it away for
this dumb dating hiatus.

You could have had
a wonderful boyfriend.

But you don't understand.

Come on, Alex.

We don't want to keep
Marco and Chet waiting.

[sobbing]

[evil laugh]

[sobbing continues]

[running footsteps]

[screams]

What the--

[music playing]

Persistent little
creep, aren't you?

[laughs]

[metal pots clanking]

OK, Eugene, if all's fair
in love, this means w*r.

BOYS: We want dates.

We want dates.

We want dates.

We want dates.

We want dates.

I can't believe
Marco isn't here yet.

hope nothing bad
happened to him.

It's not like Chet
to be lady either.

Hm.

Ah, look at them all,
waiting for me, me, me.

Think again, Pal.

Now you might tell me
why you're doing this.

It's simple really.

Revenge.

Last year the love of my
life broke my heart when she

dumped me on Valentine's Day.

Bitter or what?

Now, with this little
gizmo and the information

I get from my booths,
I can transform myself

into any girl's ideal boy.

They all fall madly
in love with me.

And now, I'll get
back at all women

by dumping them on
Valentine's Day.

Over my dead body.

You should have
use my dating booth.

I would have been
your sweetest dream.

[whirring sound]

Instead of your
worst nightmare.

[grunting]

My peetie pie isn't coming.

Either is my boyfriend.

[crying]

Your loser boyfriends
might not be coming,

but I'm sure mon Favier is
just being fashionably late.

Something's not right here.

Why are all the boyfriends late?

You can't resist me.

No woman can resist me.

[heavy steps]

[gasps]

You are a sushi.

Hm.

[running footsteps]

[wood splinters]

[crash]

[screams]

Ladies, allow me
to introduce you

to Marco and Chet and Favier
and Peetie Pie and Roy Boy

and Wally and Jason last and
definitely least Eugene Snitt.

[music playing]

I can't believe we
shared the eternal bonds

of poetic, artistic and
intellectual enlightenment.

I can't believe
we jump up and own.

I can't believe I let
you exfoliate my feet.

[rings clanging]

Ow.

Tear off his head.

Rip out his heart.

Rip up his credit cards.

I've got one better than that?

What are you going do to?

Have me thrown in jail?

You wish.

[heavy footsteps]

Eugene.

No!

[helicopter whirring]

This is just great.

What's more humiliating
than not having

a date on Valentine's Day?

Being too blind to see all
the great guys around you.

Come on, girls.

What do you say we get
this party started?

[music playing]

[cheers]

We are so sorry, Clover.

Yeah, we should have
never let boys get

in the way of our friendship.

Can you forgive us?

Of course I forgive you.

Believe me, I know what
it's like to be driven

to temporary insanity by boys.

[school bell ringing]

Hey, Clover,
what are you doing.

I totally found
my true calling.

From now on you may refer to
me as the fabulous Clover,

professional matchmaker.

Besides, the fringe
benefits are great.

What fringe benefit?

Hold please.

I have with a client.

Looks like the dating
hiatus is officially over.

[laughing]

[music playing]