03x08 - Planet of the Hunks

[bunniefuu]

[theme music]

[expl*si*n]

[music playing]

[cameras snapping]

[cheering]

[beeping]

Ooh, love the old-school
gladiator gear, guys.

But good luck lugging that
body armor down the catwalk.

[laughs]

[beeping]

Yeah, well, break
an arm out there.

Or-- or is it a leg?

Hey!

What the-- [scream]

[beeping]

[music playing]

It's gotta be here, no way
I'd lose something so important.

It's gotta be here, no way
I'd lose something so important.

[sighs]

ALEX: Ugh!

Out of my way, Sammy!

Major crisis in
progress, I can't

find my tangerine tank top!

And I can't find
my jean skirt!

[gasps]

BOTH: Clover!

Hiyah!

Hm.

Hm?

Hey, where's the clothes-napper?

I don't know, but I am
not waiting to find out.

[music playing]

You sure you want to do this?

I mean, shouldn't we wait
until she comes back?

Do you want your
tank top or not?

Ugh.

Let's roll.

Huh?

If only we could
channel into Clover's mind

and read her thoughts, then
we'd know if she took our stuff.

Huh?

[squeak]

Ah, maybe we can!

Well, judging from
the hiding spot,

I'm guessing she
didn't want us to know.

I suppose I probably
should maybe put it back.

Agreed.

It's the right thing to do.

[gasp] The stinky stench of
Alex's sweaty Pilates pants

reeks like raw sewage?

Sam's habit of off-key
shower-singing is so hideous it

noise pollutes the whole house?

BOTH: I can't believe
she wrote that about me!

CLOVER: I can't believe
you read my diary!

I mean, what is up with
you two destroying my room

and violating my privacy?

I would never do that!

Oh no?

Where did you get that tank top?

And that jean skirt?

Well-- [exasperated gasps]
don't change the subject!

Now give me my diary!

[grunting]

Give me my jean skirt!

Give me my tank top!

[fighting and screaming]

[interposing voices]

I'm seriously serious!

Hand it over!
Ugh!

Why?

Got some more dirt
to dish on us?

[grunt]
- Ah!

Be careful!

Don't get it--

[screaming]

Mine!

[screaming]

JERRY: [giggling]

[screaming]

[splash]

Wet!

Ugh!

Happy now?

My diary is soaked!

[clears throat] Sorry to
interrupt the ladies wrestling,

but we've got more
pressing concerns.

There's been a disappearance
of several men of note

from around the world.

The first is--

[gasps]

That's super-cute
super-model Tai!

Right.

Our next missing male is--

Ken R Knightly,
a totally VIP VJ!

If you say so.

And finally, there's--
well, why don't you

just tell me who he is.

[gasps]

JRL Junior, the dashing junior
senator from Massachusetts.

Who knew you
were so political.

Now, what these captives
all have in common is--

I know!

I know!

They're TFTL!

ALL: Totally Famous
Totally Luscious!

[screams]

Oops, brain cramp, just
remembered we're in the middle

of a hate-fest.

[scoff] Anything else to
go on before we-- we go on?

JERRY: Just this.

SAM: I can't make out
who Tai's captors are.

So what do we do
with this 411, Jere?

GLADIS: Warning, a
vehicle of unknown origin

has been spotted on en route
to Kangaroo Point, Australia.

Make that a 911!

Kangaroo Point, Australia?

Skate legend, Tony
Eagle, is sh**ting

his latest flick there!

[gasp] I bet the kidnappers are
riding their mystery vehicle

to take him.

If that's the
case, then I'd better

have GLADIS give you
the equipment to hunt

down this unknown nemesis ASAP.

[music playing]

GLADIS: [inaudible]
zero gravity boots.

[giggling]

Sonic Disintegrator Boombox.

And for the
fashion-conscious spy

in need of withstanding
a force of 100,000

megatons, the Brute Suit.

Better let Clover
have that one, Al.

You're right.

I wouldn't want to stink it
up like my Pilates clothes.

You guys know me so well.

It's as if you read my diary!

Hm.

Well, at least we
didn't steal your--

[screams]

[music playing]

Get ready to rock, guys.

By my math, we
should be there any--

[screaming]

--second.

[scream]

AMY AND SAM: What's wrong?

Oh, it's more
like what's right!

[music playing]

Oh--

Can you believe Tony Six-Pack
is an eight-pack in real life?

[gasp] Lucky we got here
before he was ab-ducted!

[giggling]

Get it?

Ab-ducted!

Save your lame jokes
for your lame diary.

[horse whinnies]

Uh, guys, I think we just
found our mystery vehicle.

Funky, wonder
who's driving it?

I'm thinking them!

[grunting]

And they're going after Tony!

We've got to stop those
gladiators, pronto!

Hm.

I'm on it!

[grunting]

And trust me, this sound
is gonna blow their minds!

[rumbling]

[grunt]

What happened
to the gladiators?

Nothing!

Look!

[rumbling]

CLOVER: Huh?

[grunts]

[music playing]

But I thought not human could
withstand the boombox blast!

CLOVER: I don't think
it's human, Alex!

[screams]

Uh, why do I smell burnt hair?

You don't want to know!

Incoming!

[scream]

[gasp]

[music playing]

No!

[grunt]

[screams]

I've seen some messed up
robot gladiators in my time--

wait, no I haven't.

Help!

Ah!

Tony!

No!

Not Tony!

No!

[scream]

[sniffling]

If we weren't in a big, fat
fight over the diary thing,

we'd totally console you.

What a totally
useless mission!

We lost the skater
boy and the bad guys!

Something tells me we haven't
seen the last of either.

[gasp]

It's one of the gladiators, must
have fallen off his loincloth.

Better send it back
to WOOHP for analysis.

Hm.

[music playing]

ALEX: I'm so not hungry.

Me neither.

I mean, who could possibly
eat knowing some weird,

robot gladiators abducted
all those innocent guys.

I wonder what they
want them for?

I don't know.

The whole thing sounds
completely crazy to me.

Speaking of crazy, I'm
in the bathroom stall

and what do I see?

A vicious lie about
me dying my hair!

[giggling]

How could you write that?

Who said I wrote it?

It was signed sincerely, Alex.

You signed your name?

Well, whatever.

Maybe next time
you'll watch what

you write about
me in your diary.

[gasp] My private diary
entries are a far cry from

public displays of humiliation!

Ha!

My latest column,
read it and weep.

Clover's secrets revealed.

Clover uses the cap of
her pen to clean her ear?

Clover's fur purse
is a total fake?

[gasp] Dish the
dirt on me, fine.

But dis my accessories?

[grunt]

[scream]

Now it's personal.

Spill it, Mandy!

Where did you get this trash?

Aw, sorry, a reporter
never reveals her sources.

[laughing]

Fan

Oh, and, Sam, thanks
for the hot tip!

[laugh]

Ugh!

Well, think of
it this way, now

you've got something interesting
to write about in your diary.

CLOVER: Ugh!

That's it!

OK!

Now that is officially
taking things too far!

This is w*r!

[phone rings]

Time out!

My X-Powder is ringing.

[music playing]

JERRY: Ladies, now, I have the
results of the leaf analysis.

And is that a pea
pod on your face?

Not any more.

Right.

Well, it seems
the leaf you found

is derived from a
plant indigenous

to a Mediterranean
island called Proasis.

Proasis?

Hey, isn't that
the private island

owned by trillionaire,
techy-tycoon Phil Fences?

I swear, I saw it on "Lifestyles
of the Insanely Rich."

Indeed.

Proasis was intended as
his private vacation spot.

But because of his workaholic
tendencies, he's rarely there.

Well, then I guess we have
to invade Phil's privacy

and find out what's
really going on.

Be careful.

There could be worse things
than two robotic gladiators

on that island.

Chillax, Jere, when it
comes to invading privacy,

Sam and Alex are total experts!

[music playing]

You sure WOOHP dropped
us in the right place?

Positive.

This is so Proasis.

More like so Vegas.

ANNOUNCER [ON LOUDSPEAKER]: Are
you ready for the entertainment

extravaganza of a lifetime?

Well today is your lucky
day because the greatest

show on the planet
is about to begin!

Ooh!

Maybe it's a Boy Candy concert!

Let's go!

ALL: [gasps]

CROWD: Attack!

Attack!

[cheering and screaming]

[scream]

[gasp] That's not Boy Candy!

That's Tai!

In some kind of creepy
thunderdome contraption.

Wonder what he's
doing in there.

[cheering and screaming]

[gasp]

Does that answer
your question?

[grunt]

[grunt]

[scream]

Help!

Help!

Get me out of here!

Mommy!

[crying]

If we don't hurry, those
Robo-Gladiators are gonna

turn him into minced mono-meat!

Well, the only way
to beat a gladiator

is to become a gladiator.

You mean gladiatorettes.

Exactly!

Now, you two distract
the bad guys.

I'll save Tai.

ALEX AND CLOVER: Got it!

Oh-- oh please, Mr. Gladiator
man, don't hurt your face.

[grunt]

[scream]

Don't worry, your
face is in good hands.

Oh!

You saved my life!

Oh, thank you!

Thank you!
Thank you!

[growling]

[screaming]

[music playing]

[cheering]

[scream]

[grunt]

Huh, now that's gotta hurt,
even if you are robotic.

[gasp]

[buzzing and grunting]

[cheering]

Alex!

Clover!

Help!

Just a sec, little
busy at the moment.

Yeah, busy getting
our butts kicked!

Well, you know what they say--
if at first you don't succeed,

swing harder!

And if you don't
succeed a second time?

Bail!

[buzzing]

[growling]

Nice move, spies!

Now hurry before Tai is history!

So, you think
you're tough, huh?

[growling]

Guess they don't.

OK, why was that so easy?

[screams]

[music playing]

Where are we?

Some kind of freaky prison?

Um--

Oh!

If this is prison, I'll
gladly take a life sentence!

So, what are you in for?

Something tells me this
is worse than prison.

It looks more like a human zoo.

You're right.

We were all abducted.

And now we are, uh, being
held against our, uh, will.

[gasp]

Not if I can help it.

[scream]

Don't worry, you
won't be here for long.

Hey, I know you!

You're Felicity Fences!

I used to be,
until my daddy made

me the princess of Proasis.

Yeah, the spoiled
brat kind of princess.

True, my father has provided
me with everything that

money can buy--
clothes, cars, jewelry--

but it's all so boring.

It is?

Yes, so I had him design
these Robo-Gladiators

to chase down the
world's most handsome

hunks for my collection.

And when my boy-toys bore me,
I send them into the arena

for a little unfair fight.

That's totally insane!

As if hunks could
ever be boring.

Clover!

You better let us all
go right now if you know

what's good for you, Felicity!

Sorry.

Now that you ladies
are here, I've decided

to kick things up a notch.

I bet you're just
dying to know how.

Honestly, I'm not
all that curious.

[laughing]

For my viewing
pleasure, you'll

be facing my daddy's latest
gift, the MagnaGlad 5000.

[gasps]

Huh?

[thud]

[beeping and buzzing]

Uh, question-- what
exactly are we fighting for?

[laughing] Your lives.

EVERYONE: [gasp]

So what do we do now?

I don't know, Clover,
maybe I should try and scare

it away with some singing.
[laughing]

Ugh, a diary reference?

At at time like this?

[screams]

Easy, Mega-Thingy, you
don't want to hurt me!

OK, so you do.

Help!

SAM: We're coming!

Don't worry, I'll free you!

Even if you were way mean to me.

Ugh!

OK, that is enough!

We need a major
ceasefire so we can work

together and beat this beast!

Fine!

But I don't think unity
alone is going to cut it.

I say it's body armor time!

Ah!

Good call!

[beeping]

Watch out!

[music playing]

[laughing]

[grunting]

[screaming]

It's working!

Way to take one for
the team, Clover!

I'll get his attention.

You guys get in his head.

Yes!

You heard her, Alex!

It's time to mess
with MagnaGlad's mind!

Time to steer this thing
in the right direction!

Cool!

I'll drive!

Now way!

You're the worst driver ever!

On second thought, go for it!

What are you doing,
you billion dollar bust!

Get those girls!

Get away from me!

I'll tell my daddy!

Put me down!

[scream]

Done and done.

[scream]

Bravo, ladies.

I'm pleased to see you
put your differences aside

for the greater good--

ALL: [grunting]

--at least temporarily.

[music playing]

ALEX: Not so fast!

Ugh, please don't tell me
this is still about my diary.

It is.

And we're sorry.

- You are?
- Yeah.

We totally overreacted.

We know that just
because you vented

doesn't mean that's how you
feel about us all the time.

Besides, we read the sweet
things you wrote about us too--

like how lucky you are to
have best friends like us.

Oh, I am so
psyched to hear you

guys are so understanding and--

ugh, wait, you read
more of my diary!

We know!

It was wrong!

Which is why we got
you this, a brand

new diary with a lock and key.

And, no, we didn't make copies.

Thanks girls.

And I meant what I wrote.

I am lucky to have
best friends like you.

ALL: Aw.

Uh, OK, now that we're
back to being best friends,

do me a solid, OK?

Ignore what you're
about to see and hear.

CROWD: [screaming] Over there!

SAM [FROM BLIMP]: [SINGING]
I sing in the shower!

I sing in the shower!

ALEX: [gasp] My Pilates clothes!

SAM: [gasp] My singing!

ALEX AND SAM: Clover!

Uh, it's not my fault!

I didn't know we would
make up this fast!

Forgive me!

[music playing]

Reading Clover's diary
was so not cool of me.

And I feel really bad
about it, so I put

my diary where she can find it.

You know, so she can read mine.

It's only fair.

And when she sees all the
great things I wrote about her,

she's going to
totally forgive me.

OK, so I exaggerated
about her flawless skin,

her incredible wit, and her
genius-like intelligence,

but Clover is a hard sell.

I put it right next
to my calculus book

underneath my biology text
behind my 19th century English

Lit anthology,
she can't miss it!

Maybe I should put it under
my pink, cashmere scarf.