04x21 - Spy Soccer

[bunniefuu]

[beeping]

[theme music]

[music playing]

[panting]

What was that?

Hmph, must be hearing things.

I gotta stop working
the night shift.

[gasps] Halt!

Sector 17 requests
immediate backup.

Yeesh.

You look like you
just missed the year

end shoe spectacular at Jacy's.

Don't worry.

It's not till next week.

Sorry, Clover, not
even discounted sandals

could cheer me up.

Whoa.

Then it must be bad.

Is it a boy?

Worse.

Bev High's soccer coach
just retired after 20 years,

and there's no one
to replace him.

You know what that means.

No coach, no soccer team?

No kidding.

Soccer is only my life.

What am I supposed to do now?

Hey, I know.

I could see if my marathon
math team has room for you.

Marathon math team?

It is so cool.

For every polynomial
equation you solve,

you get to run a mile.

First one to run 26 miles wins.

Ugh, math and running?

Two of my least favorite things.

How about joining my new
fashion victims club?

We provide charitable donations
in the form of trendy clothes

to the stylistically challenged.

I appreciate you guys
trying to help, but--

It's soccer or nothing.

[music playing]

Excuse me.

Can you point me toward
the athletics department?

[gasps]

The Gildwood Griffins?

I used to love that team.

I never missed a
game growing up.

I knew their ball girl
until their funding was pulled

and the team split up.

We have so much in common.

Are you a new transfer student?

[laughs] No, but I'm glad
I can still pass for one.

Actually, I'm the new coach.

As in soccer coach?

Bonita Bikham's the name.

In that case, Coach
Bikham, follow me.

Ole, ole, ole, ole.

Score!

[alex giggles]

You're never gonna believe
what just happened.

A bad hair day is now a
legit excuse to miss school?

You know the secret to
solving hidden quadratics?

No, and definitely no.

Bev High just hired
a new soccer coach.

You know what means?

It mean we're invited to
all the crossover parties

with the boys soccer team.

Oh, yippee!

[laughs] It means I need the
ultimate pair of soccer cleats.

Now you speaking my language.

Groove, here we come.

[all three exclaim]

This isn't the
way to the Groove.

Oh, good morning, girls.

Allow me to cut
right to the chase.

A high tech bio lab was
broken into last night.

Hello to you, too, Jer.

Do you have any leads?

Unfortunately,
the security guard

was unable to get a
description of the suspect

or what was stolen.

Guess good help
is hard to find.

Uh, Jer.

Hello?

Over here.

What are you doing
on the computer

that's got you so preoccupied?

I'm just, uh,
working on a report.

Yes, ha, ha!

Yes, ha, h*.

Since when are
reports so exciting?

Oh, uh, GLADIS, isn't
it gadget time yet?

You'll need the
multifunction charm bracelet,

the nuclear power jet boots.

Good luck, super spies.

Ever get the feeling
you're not wanted?

I'm starting to.

Sorry, but this mission
will have to wait for a bit.

I have soccer tryouts today.

Sure, fine.

Whatever works
for your schedule.

Wow.

That's a Jer first.

OK, would somebody tell me
what the WOOHP is going on?

[chuckles]

That didn't answer my question!

ALEX: Wish me luck
at the tryouts!

Yes, ha, h*!

Hat trick!

[music playing]

[whistle]

[panting]

You want glory?

Well, glory costs, and here's
where you start paying--

in sweat.

Midfielders, this is no
time for a beauty rest.

[grunts]

That's some beautiful
dribbling, ladies.

I'm ready for my
closeup now, Coach.

Oh, brother.

And what makes you think
you've got what it takes

to make the Bev High team?

I've got my new line of
cashmere sportswear, Haute

by Mandy.

What else could I possibly need?

Let the game begin.

Begins

Allow me, Coach.

[whistle]

[mandy shouts]

Ah, I've been fouled!

You've ruined my only prototype.

[whistle]

Mandy, you're benched.

[groans]

[chuckles]

Let's play a little
three on three.

Alex, Jackie, and Diva,
you were on one side.

The rest of you
were on the other.

May the best team win.

[whistle]

Check this!

DIVA: Take that, defense.

[whistle]

ALEX: Goal!

[excited victorious shouts]

I've seen all I need to see.

Alex, Jackie, and Diva, you're
the new Bev High soccer team.

[gasps] Excuse
me, Coach, but how

are we supposed to have a soccer
team with only three players?

You'll just have to
be three times as good.

That's a wrap for now, ladies.

Hit the showers.

[whistle]

SAM: So, what happened?

Did you make the team?

- Starting center forward.
- Woo!

Alex scores, home
run, all right.

That's baseball,
Clover, not soccer.

Same diff.

Now that tryouts are finished,
you ready to go on our mission?

Sorry, I can't.

Tryouts might be finished, but
practice starts in 10 minutes.

Later.

[scoffs] I'm glad
Alex made the team,

but she can't play soccer 24/7.

Can she?

Let's hope not.

Guess for now it's just you,
me, and the bio lab crime scene.

[music playing]

Why exactly are
we sneaking in?

There's always the possibility
that it's an inside job.

We have four minutes
till the guard

gets back from his rounds.

It's like looking
for a high tech

needle in a high tech haystack.

Over here.

I think found something.

It's a broken container.

Question is, what
did it contain?

Judging from these,
it looks like maybe

some kind of microchip?

We better send it
to Jer for analysis.

[compowder beeps]

Hey, Jer.
Great timing.

Hello, girls.

WOOHP just received word
of a couple of abductions

at a local sporting goods store.

The owners, Haley
Mills and Gloria Night

haven't seen or
heard from in days.

Sorry, Jer.

Can you repeat that?

Yeah, we can barely hear
you over all that beeping.

I'll just beam the
info over the X-Powder.

Good luck, super spies.

Judging from this, we're gonna
need all the help we can get.

I'll call Alex.

[compowder ringing]

ALEX [ON PHONE]:
Hello, soccer fans.

You've reached the voicemail
of center forward Alex.

Please leave your soccer
related message at the--

No, I will not
leave a message,

central forwarded Alex.

Um, I think that's
center forward.

Whatevs.

All Alex cares about is soccer.

I am beginning to
feel like I have

to be inflated and round
with black spots on me

in order to get her attention.

Huh, I guess
it's just you, me,

and the sports store
crime scene again.

[footsteps]

Yeei.

Looks like somebody has
some serious rage issues.

Or they just hate
sports as much as I do.

Clover, check this out.

Haley Mills and Gloria Night
win the junior girls soccer

championships in Belgium.

Wow.

They must be really good.

Haley Mills, MVP.

Not just good.

Most valuable player good.

Oh, they even had their very
first soccer cleats bronzed.

Is it me, or is the entire
world suddenly obsessed

with nothing but soccer?

[gasps] What was that?

Ever get that creepy
feeling you're being watched?

SAM: Let's just hurry and
see what else we can find.

Sammy, look A soccer
cleat footprint.

Maybe it belonged
to the attacker.

I'll scan it and then--
[clattering]

BOTH: Huh?

[both gasp]

Love to stay and get abducted,
but we really have to be going.

[grunting]

[alarm blares]

Take about superhuman
leg strength.

I'd love I'd love to hear
your quad workout secret.

Time to bungee
our way outta here.

Right behind you, Sammy.

That was close.

OK, no more Miss Nice Spy.

We really need Alex's help.

That's weird.

Alex is still at school.

SAM: But it's almost midnight.

[compowder beeping]

CLOVER: Gotta hand it to her.

The girl's got game.

SAM: Yeah, and we're
about to interrupt it.

BONITA: Come on, ladies.

First rule of soccer,
develop a thick skull.

[whistle]

Sammy?

Sorry to disturb you, Alex.

But can we talk in
the hallway for a sec?

Don't you think you're
taking this soccer

thing a little too far?

First, it was tryouts,
now practice till midnight?

I know I haven't
exactly been pulling

my weight on missions
lately, but don't worry,

that's all gonna change.

We're totally glad
to hear you say that.

Just as soon as Bev
High wins regionals

in a couple of months.

[compowder beeps]

Sorry to interrupt, girls,
but I just got the results.

First up, the dome contained
an experimental microchip

designed to tap into
people's natural aggression.

Huh.

Wasn't expecting that.

I also had the footprint
you sent analyzed.

It's a very rare, very high end
soccer shoe made by the Forsa

Corporation of Portugal.

[gasps] Forsa?

Alex, just got the first
pair sold in Beverley Hills.

I helped her pick them out.

[sighs] Alex must
have accidentally

contaminated the
crime scene when

you three were investigating.

Thanks for the info, Jer.

Wait a second.

How could Alex contaminate
the crime scene

when she wasn't even with us?

That's right.

You were supposed to
be at soccer practice.

I was at soccer
practice, all day.

You can even ask Coach Bikham.

BONITA: Hmm.

Time to teach those nosy
girls a little soccer lesson.

[chuckles]

[zapping]

[sam and clover exclaim]

[alex grunts]

How's this for an answer?

I've heard of soccer
rage, but this ridiculous.

Alex is going have to kick
up her skin care regimen.

she's looking a little green.

[both gasp]

[whistle]

[grunting]

That is no ordinary drop kick.

[sam screams]

I've heard of sucker punches,
but that was a sucker ball.

[all laugh]

[music playing]

[sam groans]

And all this time I thought
soccer was a non-contact sport.

Have I mentioned I
really, really hate soccer?

Where are we?

CLOVER: Judging from that
field and those soccer nets,

I'd have to say my
worst nightmare.

I'll have us outta here faster
than you can say foul ball.

[gasps]

They may have something
to say about that.

Leaving so soon?

But the fun's just
getting started.

We've dealt with a lot of
crazy villains, but what could

you possibly want with
the Bev High soccer team?

I could've been a
great soccer player,

but I was cut from the junior
girls championship soccer team

because they said I
lacked k*ller instinct.

[laughs] Not anymore.

I've assembled the best of the
best, my own personal k*ller

soccer team, and have used them
to hunt down my old teammates.

Haley?

Gloria?

I will now have my revenge
in a special soccer match

to the end.

It's always to the
end with you villains.

First rule of soccer,
develop a thick skull.

[sam and clover shout]

Coach Bikham must be using
some sort of mind control

on Alex.

Either that or
she still mad that I

borrowed her kicky wristbands.

Take your positions.

Let the game begin.

May the most
aggressive team win.

[grunting]

DIVA: Way to go, team, yeah!

Score!

[whistle]

Sammy?

Could really use help here.

Ow!

Hey, where's the ref
when you need him?

Huh?

[clinking]

Now that's a wow move.

[both scream]

You work with the fans,
you no good soccer bullies!

Any ideas on how to
take out aggresso gals?

Ow!

That's it.

The aggression microchip must
be what's controlling them.

Then where is it, and
why isn't it affecting us?

[screams]

I don't think those
are regulation cleats.

It's definitely
not in the shoes.

They're all wearing
different ones.

Only one microchip
was stolen, remember?

It must be in the ball then.

But which one?

Remember when Alex became
super aggressive in the hall?

The microchip's in
the orange ball.

Time to finish you
once and for all.

I wish I could tell
which one was which.

Looking for this?

Bring it on.

Hey, where'd she go?

[gasps] Sammy!

Behind you!

[clinking]

Ha!

Score a pass for you, Clover.

[whistle]

ill*gal holding.

Tell it to someone who cares.

Hmm.

Game over.

Uh-oh.

Oh, I surrender.

What's going on?

Oh, my head.

[gasps] Would
someone mind telling

me what I'm doing playing
soccer in a stinky oil tanker?

Let's just say Coach
Bikham had some k*ller plans

for your many soccer talents.

Guess I have a
little score to settle.

[bonita shouts]

Wow.

Maybe soccer does have a
place in our spy arsenal.

Or not.

[music playing]

I'm really sorry, Alex.

You're sorry?

I'm the one who should be
sorry for all the soccer

related mayhem I've caused.

Gloria and Haley are safe
and everyone's memories

of the k*ller soccer
match have been erased.

I'm more worried about you.

Now that Coach
Bikham is in custody,

Bev High is once again
short of a soccer coach.

Aw, it's OK.

I think I've had enough
soccer for a while.

Hey, maybe I could join your
marathon math team after all.

Given the choice between math
and shopping, you pick math?

Remind me why I was worried.

You two are beyond help.

[sam and alex laugh]

[electronic beeping]

Um, nice to see
you again, girls.

Kind of hard when
you're not even looking.

OK, Jer, time to fuss up.

Mm.

What's so important that
you haven't looked once

from your computer all day?

I guess you could say I'm
addicted to a new video game.

Video soccer to be exact.

Would you girls care for a game?

We could play three on one.

[all three exclaim]

ALL THREE: No, no, no, no, no!

Guess soccer's
not for everybody.

After years of
playing soccer, I've

developed Alex's patented stain
removal formula for getting

out tough mud and grass stains.

To get started,
you'll need a pot

full of cold tea, some
steel wool, and a rutabaga.

The tea lifts the stain.

The rutabaga does
something, too.

I'm just not sure what.

And finally, you wanna rub the
entire area with steel wool.

And viola.

As you can see, no more
mud and grass stains.

As for the tea and
rutabaga stains,

that's next weeks' lesson.