05x02 - Evil Roommate

[bunniefuu]

[phone ringing]

[theme music]

[upbeat music]

Do well, Ling.

Yes.

Make us proud.

Duh.

What else do you expect from
the highest ranked student

in the entire freshman class?

Ah!

Huh?

Hey!

I want to go up.

[screaming]

There it is, girls!

Mali U. The coolest,
poshest, most happening

campus in the entire world.

Ooh, I can't wait
to get down there!

Me neither.

I have been dreaming of
this day my entire life!

COMPUTER: Autopilot engaged.

Before you go, girls,
let us take a moment

to reflect on the
life-changing journey

you are about to embark on.

[clears throat]

The seeds of knowledge
that you plant today

have the potential to yield a
great harvest in years to come.

And as the fruits of your labors
nourish the body and soul--

Planting the seeds
of collegiate success?

Is he serious?

I don't know, but I want
football games and fun parties,

not boring farm metaphors.

I'm with ya!

As in, last one out of
the jet's a rotten egg!

Girls?

Girls?

GROUP: Yeah!

Whoa!

Someone call the love
doctor, because I've

just been infected with a
serious case of co-ed-itus.

And check out
all the amenities!

There's a high-tech
sports complex,

a one of a kind
specialty boutique mall,

and a private luau beach!

Not to mention
the cutting edge

internet cafe and the seriously
convenient mini trams.

[gasps] There it is, girls!

West Coast Hall.

Our new home sweet home.

Then our tour is
officially over.

[rumbling]

Better make that
tour a detour!

GROUP: Whoa!

I hope we make as strong
an Impression at school

as we did on this roof.

Well, this is it.

Super Posh Suite 525.

Whoo!

Who wants to go in first?

For maximum drama,
let's all enter on 3!



GROUP: Ugh.

[yelling]

Whoa.

Who knew our drama was going
to turn out to be a tragedy?

That doesn't even
begin to describe it.

Like, where's the
stylish three-person digs

we were promised?

I don't know, but
this place reminds me

of the WOOHP holding facility.

Yeah.

Only not quite as glamorous.

Uh, guys.

Glamor is the least of what's
missing from this place.

Where's all my stuff?

It's in here, Sam!

Hi!

I'm Stacy, your new roomie!

GROUP: What?

But how can you
be Sam's roommate?

We're her best friends.

And, like, we're all supposed
to be rooming together.

Oh, sorry, but there's a
huge housing crunch on campus,

so Sam's stuff was
put in my room.

And from what I've seen, I think
we're gonna get along great.

You unpacked my things?

Yeah.

And judging by all
the books I found,

I'm convinced we
have a ton in common.

You see, Sam, I'm an
academic just like you.

Wow, Sammy.

I wish my roommate
was that helpful.

Oh, please.

You'd need about 10
helpful roommates to unpack

all your stuff, Clover.

What do you say I
give you a campus tour?

I'm a sophomore, and I
know all the shortcuts

and hidden passages.

Uh, sounds great,
Stacy, but we still

have to sign up for classes.

I'll catch you later.

This is so unfair!

How come I'm the one stuck
with the nosy roommate?

She's not nosy,
Sam, just eager.

Besides, we've gotten out
of tight spots before.

We can totally handle a
temporary housing sitch.

And in the meantime, we'll
be right across the hall

if you need us.

[gasps] Check it out!

I got the last seat
in Surfology 101!

It's like the academic
version of a dating service!

Ooh, and I got into
Intro to Basket Weaving!

I can finally get in touch
with my artistic side.

And I get into all
of my advanced courses,

including quantum macro physics.

Uh, Sam, doesn't that
class start in two minutes?

Uh-- [gasps] you're right!

Bye.

Bye.

[chatter]

Huh?

No way!

I can't believe we have
a class together, roomie.

Yeah.

Talk about lucky.

OK, students, let's begin
with a rudimentary question.

What is the name of
the attractive force

which acts between
two closed parallel

uncharged conducting plates?

Uh, Ling.

Uh, Ling Gi.

[fly buzzing]

Apparently, Miss Gi
doesn't get the concept

of mandatory attendance.

OK, then.

How about, uh, Stacy?

[gasps]

It's called-- um--

it's called--

It's called the
Casimir effect,

due to quantum
vacuum fluctuations

of the electromagnetic field.

Very good, Samantha.

Looks like someone
did her homework.

Thanks a lot, Sam.

You did that just
to make me look bad.

No, I didn't.

I was trying to help.

Well, I don't need your help.

In fact, I don't ever
want to talk to you again!

Hmph!

Hm.

OK, surfer boys!

Who wants to be the
first to wax my board?

Welcome to Surfology 101.

Today we're going to learn
about the anatomy of a wave.

So does this, like, mean
we aren't going in the water?

Well, not until
we learn the basics.

I don't want basics.

I want fun, sun, and
good times 101, just

like I was promised in
the Mali U course catalog.

In that case, why don't
you show me an atomic roll

into the green room, followed
by a nose walk and a triple cut

back?

Um, on second thought, the
basics sound totally tubular.

Chop, chop.
You're being graded on this.

[laughing]

[surf rock music]

[screaming]

Aw.

[eastern music]

The secret to
successful basket

weaving, students, is to
become one with your creation.

Now, close your eyes and
let yourself get completely

enveloped in your work.

Completely enveloped.

Got it.

Huh?

That's a little too enveloped.

Oopsie.

Phew!

College is so exhausting.

Maybe I oughta stop
by the internet cafe

for a brain-fueling latte.

MAN: Help!

Somebody help me!

Guess my latte
will have to wait.

[yelling]

Hold on, I'm coming!

Gotcha.

[bell ringing]

Ah!

Whoa!

OK, the mini tram just went
from seriously convenient

to seriously annoying.

Hey, what's that?

A pink scrunchy.

[gasps]

The same pink scrunchy
Stacy was wearing.

[footsteps]

Hi-ya!

Sammy?

What are you doing?
- Yeah?

What's with the
freaky ninja greeting?

I was just chasing down
a co-ed-napping baddie,

but whoever it was got away.

And I think Stacy was
behind the attack.

Stacy?

That's crazy.

Yeah, she's, like, super nice.

Nice like Dr. Jekyll.

But trust me, based on the
way she acted today in class,

she is way more Miss Hyde.

Ugh.

Look, Sammy, I realize Stacy
may not be the ideal roommate,

but don't you think your
accusations are a bit

far-fetched? fetched?

As in, you may be
having difficulty

adjusting to new people.

Ugh.

I mean, think about it.

Anyone could have
dropped the scrunchy.

In fact, it could
be one of mine.

Ugh.
Fine.

Don't believe me.

But I know there is
something strange going on.

And I'm going to figure
out exactly what it is.

BOTH: Hmm.

The coast is clear, which
means it's officially spy time.

[computer powering up]

Bingo.

A list of Mali U's top
five incoming freshmen,

starting with Ling Gi.

Hey, that's the missing
student from my physics class.

Huh?

A cranium dranium?

OK, that definitely
qualifies as strange.

[footsteps]

Hey, roomie.

How's it gong?

Fine, I guess.

Well, I'm awesome,
on account of the A+ I

just got on my Brit Lit paper.

So, do you want to join me
in a celebratory study sesh?

Um, maybe later.

I was just about
to take a shower.

Even if Clover and
Alex don't believe me,

I have to call Jerry.

This is getting way weird!

Whoa!

And it just got even weirder!

[screaming]

Great.

In addition to having
a defective roommate,

I also have defective plumbing.

Whoa.

I knew Stacy was
up to something,

but I never could have guessed
she'd do anything this bizarre.

[whimpering]

Huh?

Wait a second, you're all the
students from Stacy's list.

Ah!

What is this freaky
machine doing to me?

Tapping into your
information-rich

brain waves and preparing
for a transfer of knowledge.

I don't know what kind of
crazy plan you've cooked up,

but you have to turn
this machine off

and set these students free!

Forget it.

This is my ticket
to a perfect GPA.

Last year, I
studied my butt off,

but there were too
many smart students.

So I decided if you
can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Or better yet,
make them join you.

Or you could just try
studying a little bit harder.

Why study at all when I
have you guys cramming for me?

In fact, I have a
couple of homework

assignments due tomorrow.

Time to show me what you know.

Ah!

[grunting]

[snickering]

Hmm, feels like an A+ to me.

Thanks for the study sesh, guys.

Oh, and save your energy.

We have a term
paper due on Friday.

Save what energy?

Huh?

What are you doing here?

Checking in on Sam.

And hello to you too.

Well, she isn't
here, so goodnight.

I've got to study.

Uh--

Well, do you
know where she is?

Probably goofing off
like all the other students

at Mali who take basket
weaving and surfology classes.

Oh!

Hey!

Those classes are a lot
harder than you think.

Hey, where'd you
get that scrunchy?

It's mine!

[screaming]

Rude much!

Sam was right about Stacy.

She's a total nightmare.

I have a really bad
feeling about this.

We'd better call
Jerry right away.

[phone ringing]

Hello, girls.

Just checking to see if
any of my words of wisdom

have guided you in your
academic endeavors.

No, Jer, not even slightly.

But if you really want to help,
you can WOOHP us right away.

Oh, very well.

[yelling]

Jeez.

All that wisdom, and
you still haven't

figured out how to soften
our WOOHP landings, Jer.

So what seems
to be the problem?

Books, beakers, boys?

Who has time for boy problems?

Sam's missing, and we
think her evil roommate

has something to do with it.
- I see.

Well, Sam may be missing,
but her X powder isn't.

Is that cute little
blip on the screen Sammy?

Indeed.

And It appears she's located
in the basement of your dorm.

What would Sam be
doing in the basement?

Probably hiding from that
heinous roommate of hers.

Whatever Sam's engaged
in, it's wreaking havoc

on her physiological systems.

Her brain is functioning
at a dangerously slow rate.

How can you possibly
know that, Jerry?

All X powders are equipped
with a capacity to monitor

the owner's bio-function.

Hello?

Is there a single
aspect of our lives

you're not totally
trespassing on?

Actually, no.

Come on, Jer.

Lay some gadgets on us
so we can go help Sam.

BOTH: Huh?

Whoa.

Old school much.

What happened to Gladys?

Let's just say her
bossy ways landed

her an extended vacation at
the WOOHP recycling facility.

Now, here's the
hot and spicy gum,

the drill heel boot, and
the ultra fast hardening

enamel toenail polish.

Ooh!

Glittery aqua blue.

A classic.
- Ta-ta.

And good luck, spies.

[yelling]

Bushwhacked by Jer again!

[gasps] I think that
door leads to the basement.

Come on!

Wait.

We better take a
less obvious route.

After all, you never
know where that loon

Stacy might be lurking.

[yelling]

[coughing]

Don't get me wrong,
I love these boots,

but they should really
come with a feather duster.

[gasps] What is that thing?

Oh!

It's Sam!

Are you OK?

Sammy, say something!

Now we know what Jer meant
by slow brain function.

We have to get her out of
here before it's too late.

Ow!

Sorry, freshmen, but
I can't let you do that.

Figures you're the
one behind all this.

Why, because such
an elaborate plan

involving
sophisticated machinery

could only be the work
of a genius like myself?

No, because Sam
warned us that you

were one seriously wacky chic.

[yelling]

Nice try, but I already
had my weekly facial.

Now it's time for us to
give you a little treatment,

and I don't mean the spa kind.

Not if my mechanic friend
has anything to say about it.

How come you brought us over
here instead of plugging us

into your machine?

Let's just say it's pretty
obvious that neither of you two

can help elevate my GPA.

So I decided to drop you
from the Mali U roster.

All right, we've known you
for, like, less than a day,

and that's about the 10th
time you've insulted us.

It's getting really old.

You won't have to worry
about it much longer.

[screaming]

Now, if you'll excuse
me, I need to continue

my search for superior minds.

Later, losers.

[laughing]

She's getting away with Sam!

We have to worry
about saving ourselves

before we save anyone else.

If only we could get our
hands on a gadget, any gadget.

Hey!

I got one!

The hot and spicy gum.

OK, let me rephrase.

Any gadget except that one.

The last thing we need to do
is turn the heat up any higher.

Might as well enjoy it.

It's probably the last piece
of gum I'll ever get to chew!

Clover!

The gum worked!

I sweated my way to freedom.
- Cool!

I mean, hot.

Now sweat your way over here
and spring me before I'm toast!

Come on!

We better catch Stacy before
she hijacks all of Sam's smarts.

[crowd screaming]

Let's see, where do all
the smart people hang out?

The library, of course!

[thudding]

[screaming]

Hmm, good English, but
poor math proficiency.

Good math, but poor
science skills.

[gasps]

Now, that's what
I'm talking about.

The total academic package!

[yelling]

[laughing]

Where could she have gone?

It's not like it's easy to
blend in riding that machine.

[crowd screaming]

If these missions
have taught me anything,

it's that whenever you're in
doubt, follow the screams.

Professor emeritus
of Cro-Magnon

man's dental hygiene habits?

Talk about a major egghead.

Oh, well.

You never know when you
might need a specialist.

[gasps]

Hi-ya!

You two again?

Maybe I underestimated
you after all.

You better believe
you did, grade grubber!

You're just jealous
because I'm naturally gifted

and you're not!
- Hey!

Uh, reality check.

There's nothing remotely
natural about where

your smarts come from.

Ah!

I think the wise
move is to run!

Whoa!

How are we gonna
stop this thing?

It's as tough as a tank!

But not tougher than our
ultra fast hardening enamel

toenail polish!

[gasps]

[grunting in frustration]

OK, that was not a smart move!

[yelling]

Whoa!

Clover, can I borrow your
nail polish, like, now!

Huh?

Gotcha.

No!

Now I'm gonna flunk
all my classes,

and it's all your fault!

Maybe you should
just hit the books!

Whoa!

Ugh.

I guess Some people just
have to learn the hard way.

Ladies, you'll be pleased
to know that everyone's brains

have been restored to
their prior states,

minus the memories of what
happened here, of course.

That's a relief.

I mean, who ever heard of going
to college and getting dumber?

So, Sam, now that you're
back to being the smarty

pants we all know and
love, how about helping me

with my homework?

Uh, no thanks.

My newly recharged brain
cells need a little R&R.

It's just as well.

No amount of tutoring can keep
me from being an embarrassment

in surfing class.

Oh, tell me about it.

I'm known as the basket
case of basket weaving.

Who knew college
was so complicated?

Speaking of complicated,
we still haven't

solved our housing crisis.

Well, we better do it
fast, 'cause I'm getting

claustrophobic just thinking
about that tiny dorm room.

Kooky roommates and
cramped living spaces

will no longer be a
concern for you, girls.

I've arranged for
the three of you

to live together in the
penthouse of your dorm.

Penthouse?

Since when does West Coast
Hall have a penthouse?

Since the WOOHP
prop department

built one last night.

Come on.

Let's take a tour, shall we?

[gasping]

Check out this k*ller
buff-boy-watching ocean view!

Oh, this place has everything
our beach house had and more!

But the best feature
is what it doesn't have.

Nutso roommates.

BOTH: Yeah!

So I take it this living
arrangement is to your liking?

Oh!

To our liking?

More like to our loving!

Thanks, Jer!

You're very welcome.

[clearing throat]

From here, you'll be able to
plant the seeds of knowledge--

Jerry, no more
agricultural advice.

Give it a rest.

CLOVER: Just leave before
we have to call the RA!

[laughing]

[theme music]