02x02 - Cagey Queens

[bunniefuu]

RUPAUL: Previously on
RuPaul's Drag Race Down Under.

RUPAUL: G'day.
G'day. G'day.

[queens hollering]

You need to create
a custom couture look

from the House of Mother Nature.

[laughing]

[singing offkey]

RUPAUL: Spankie Jackzon.

Just wearing panties?

Not sure the best choice.

RUPAUL: Faux Fur.

It's not a bad idea.

It was just ruined by
those granny panties.

RUPAUL: Molly Poppinz.

Congratulations. You are the
winner of this week's challenge.

Spankie Jackzon
Shantay, you stay.

Faux Fur. Sashay away.

[upbeat music]

My toes. My toes.

Nothing says you're at
RuPaul's Drag Race

like watching someone go home.

But now we are firmly rooted...

in reality...

"Sisters Forever, the lood-"

The loud.

What the f*ck?

What does that say?

I don't think we
can say that word.

That's a naughty word.

Oh..."niece"?!

- Is it?
- It is... "niece".

The loud... "niece"... dies.

[queens screaming]

It was hard sending Faux home.

It's not something that
anybody wants to do.

It's gonna be
quiet around here without her.

f*ck.

- It's quiet already.
- I know.

The sound of her voice
absolutely got on my t*ts.

But there's a beautiful
person in there.

And I got to see it.

You know what we need?

We need another design challenge
with a box of rubbish,

- so she can pop back out.
- [laughter]

I don't want to be
in the bottom again.

Nobody wants to be there.

-You did it
-I did it.

You did it.
I was excited.

Well, we did it.

We've both been doing
drag for a long time.

We've both been successful.

- You didn't fall to the back...
- SPANKIE JACKZON: No.

- you gave it to them.
And I think that was it.

And we know that at any
time we could go home.

We're not here going,

"Oh, when I win the $50,000."

Honestly, my heart was about
to fall through my as*h*le.

I'm gonna get that 50K.

The most hideous thing, and
I never want to see

a plastic tube again in my life.

And I'm gonna
make it to the end.

You haven't seen
Spankie's full potential?

I don't know. But I'm f*ck'
winning. I'm winning.

And the girls should be worried

'cause I'm gonna
come up from behind.

I'm gonna cut your
wigs while you're sleeping.

Ugh!

And then I'm gonna
take the crown.

RUPAUL: The winner of
RuPaul's Drag Race Down Under

will receive a year's supply
of cosmetics

from Anastasia Beverly Hills

and a cash prize of $50,000,

courtesy of our mate at Samsung.

Tonight, with Michelle Visage,
Rhys Nicholson,

and our extra special
guest judge, Lucy Lawless.

♪ RuPaul Drag Race ♪

♪ May the best drag queen win ♪

♪ Best drag queen win ♪

[all hollering]

KWEEN KONG: So, I was in
the bottom three last week.

I'm feeling relieved to be here.

I know whatever challenge
happens to us this week,

I'm gonna make sure I push
my a*s and step my p*ssy up.

How are we feeling, b*tches?

I'm ready to show you
what I'm actually made of.

So...

I was so close.
So, f*cking close.

Yuri was also very close.

Like that outfit was supreme.

- Stunning.
- Thank you. You know...

Just a shame you
couldn't walk in it.

I'm ready to f*cking
win something.

[laughter]

AUBREY HAIVE: I'm feeling pretty good.

Like I was happy with
being safe last week.

Yes.
You sewed an outfit,

and I don't think I explained
myself very well.

Oh, okay.

We're gonna talk
about this, are we?

If I'm completely honest,
I thought it was ill-fitting,

you know, for me personally.

Yeah. You thought mine was
ill-fitting as well,

and I felt you didn't like that.

I was upset by your comment.

Yes, that's right.

- And I felt like you were.
- Yeah.

And when you get upset,
I feel like you felt attacked.

I think the delivery was
just a bit hard, like,

just a bit.
Um.

It came across as like you
were reading her for her outfit.

I just got offended
because I'd worked hard

and that's a natural
response for people...

Can I just say...

my apology.

For me it didn't even
seem like that big of a deal.

Yeah, it's all good.

I guess it's fine.

And I'm glad that
we talked about it.

[siren blaring]

- Whoo!
- Whoa!

RUPAUL: Girl, she done
already done had herses.

- Hey, ladykins.
- QUEENS: Hey.

Down Under's next Drag Superstar

should have an arresting
personality,

be able to complete
a full sentence,

and always be on the lookout
for her breakout role

because if you're good to
Mama Ru,

Mama Ru is good to you.

Acting!
Yes!

G'day. G'day.
G'day.

Hey.

Hello.

Good morning.

My queens, condragulations
for surviving your first week

of RuPaul's
Drag Race Down Under.

QUEENS: Yay!

RUPAUL: Yeah!

And a special shoutout to last
week's main challenge winner,

Molly Poppinz.

ALL: Yay!

Yes, Molly.

Ooh, she poppin' off, y'all.

Today, I want to
give Molly a chance

to rate her competition.


-Oh!
-Okay.

I hate confrontation, but
here we at Drag Race.

And it's gonna happen.

Oh, Pit Crew.

Oh!

Ladies, welcome to
the "All Tea No Shade Pageant."

QUEENS: Oh!

Now there are four
sashes and nine queens.

Now Molly gets to decide

which four queens deserve
their own unique title.

t*ts and hips forward and smile.

MOLLY: So, I'm gonna just
play this to my advantage.

All right, Molly.

First category is the GC.

GC, good c**t.

Which queen do you think
is your Biggest Competition?

Greatest Competition,

I thought it literally
was good c**t.

Yuri Guaii.

[all cheering]

Hello?

Stunning.
Lovely.

b*tch!

Give us the pageant wave.

Yes.

Next category is Daggy Drag.

Which queen has
the most questionable fashion?

Love you all.

But I'm sorry, Spankie.

Love you, Spanks.

Oh, I mean.

Yeah.

Thank you.

It's still an award.

Oh, my God.

Thank you so much.

Next category is

You Beauty.

Now, which of these queens

out of Drag do you think is
a bit of all right?

Kween Kong, like, duh?

I'm not surprised because
obviously

I'm a big brown chocolate bar,
you know, clearly.

Oh.
Thank you.

QUEENS: Oh!

[laughter]

Oh, my heart.

Final category is

Taking the Piss.

Which queen do you think
is the next to go home?

[queens exclaiming]

Oh, this is a hard one.

Y'all are gonna hate me.

I see little Miss Aubrey.

And I'm like, she's already got
too much sh*t going on right now

with Miss Cooper.

And then I look at Miss Cooper

and...

Sorry, but I'm gonna
have to give it...

I don't want her
coming for me next

to Bev.

QUEENS: Oh!

If I was to honestly choose, it
would have been probably Minnie.

I'm sorry. You were just
a bit safe last week.

Oh.

You know what,
come over here, darling.

Bye Bev!

[laughter]

RUPAUL: Well, ladies,
if you have any issues

with the pageant results,

you can take them up with Molly.

[laughter]

Now, for this week's
Maxi Challenge,

we're putting your
acting skills to the test

in the gritty prison drama...
Caged Queens.

#DragRaceDownUnder.

Now you'll be
working in two teams.

Those who received a sash
will be team number one.

Oh!

- Okay.
- Okay.

And those who didn't
will be team number two.

QUEEN 3: Ooh!

And, Molly, you'll be joining
the team with the sashes.

[queens cheering]

Molly, you in danger, girl.

[laughter]

MOLLY POPPINZ: Okay, f*ck.

I kind of threw a couple of
these b*tches under the bus.

[tongue pop] Let's see how we go.

Racers, start your engines and
may the best drag queen win.

Hey, can you believe it?

First acting challenge.

Acting challenge.
I'm ready to party!

- All right!
- Team Sash, are we ready?

Come on, Caged Queens.

SPANKIE JACKZON: I am frothing.

This is somewhere that I kind of

sit a little bit more
comfortable in...

So, first things first.

Do we need to talk about
any of the pageantry?

I have some questions.

Do you think that
I'm gonna go home today?

Absolutely not.

I wanted to give it to Minnie.

Girl, if you gave it
to Minnie Cooper,

I would have had to protect you.

Exactly.

She's Minnie f*cking Cooper, and
she seriously stapled

like an outfit together.

No, no, no.
This is Drag Race.

That's not gonna cut it.

And she's already tired.

And now because of it,

Minnie and Aubs are on
the same team, so...

Sorry about that.

Do respect Minnie
'cause she's older.

You know. We wouldn't be here if
it wasn't for a queen like that.

So, like, let's remember
that before you like, you know,

throw her under the bus.

I do see the younger queens,
you know,

isolating Minnie a little bit.

And I think part of that is
because she is a threat.

She has a lot of experience.

So, yeah.

We'll see.
It's dynamics.

You guys are good to work?

Well, we'll soon find out.

[laughter]

No, we're professionals.

We know what we're doing.

Ooh! The drama.
But honestly, this is my forte.

I've studied acting,
did my three years.

Save the drama for the screen.

Yeah.

We've got all
the actresses in our group.

Minnie has done theatre.

Aubrey does theatre.

Pomara is Pomara.

And I have done Galadriel
in the Lord of the Rings

production at school.

I am dyslexic, so if you
don't mind reading aloud.

So, when
I read something first up,

- it takes me a while to get it.
- Absolutely, Coop.

I am an actor, but I am dyslexic

and you need to say it out loud.

So, you hear it orally.

[laughter]

And I've learned
to deal with it.

I deal with it very well.

Voiceover, "A beautiful,
brutal, but... bodacious."

HANNAH CONDA: Maybe you're
not the best one to read.

- Shut the f*ck up.
- [laughter]

So, we've got Chantelle,
a prissy, freckled,

vain kleptomaniac pop star,

who is far too
delicate to be in prison.

Oh, my God.
It's like it's made for me.

Chiquita, a tough
as nails prison guard.

Deidre a savvy businesswoman.

And last but not least,

Dezerie, a cunning queen
with a love of booze.

I'm happy to play anything.

As am I.

There's no I in team.

- f*ck yeah!
- But there is me.

Spell it. Teame.

Well, I'm dyslexic, so
that's quite possible.

I tell you what, for a pack
of ciggies,

I'll whiten your teeth, and
I'll throw in an a**l bleach in.

Oh, I bet you will.

So, acting does make me a bit
nervous because it's...

You have to be loud.
You have to, you know,

be stupid.

And I do struggle with it.

How do you keep
your lips so plump?

Hold on, maybe she's not my
biggest competition right now.

Maybe I gave the sash
to the wrong person.

[sobbing]

I can see that these girls don't
have any idea of like

reading the script and
any of like the jokes.

And they are completely
missing the mark.

Just on that line there

because, like, I feel like we
need to pause after your thing

to think about it
a little bit and...

I think...

And I feel like that will give
it sort of a bit more comedy.

It's like, uh...

There is going to be a problem.

Yeah, yeah.

And I'll bring it up with you.

I'm just gonna do me, boo.

Do you, boo.

You do you.

Eee! Eeeeeeee!

Hello. Hi, Aubrey.

Hi, Pomara.

Hi.
I love the way you say my name.

Seeing them both there,
I'm, like,

suddenly a bit nervous.

MICHELLE: Okay,
so get in places.

It's intimidating to be standing

on this green screen
looking at Rhys and Michelle.

And action!

Oh, what the hell?

How did a beautiful
pop star like me...

Chantellllleeee Minogue.

I feel my nerves
like building up.

Chantelle Minogue

end up in a place like this.

Remember, Chantal, you are this
pop star, and you are in prison.

You're a Minogue.

One of
the upper echelon Minogues.

Make bigger choices.

And I think just hit... hit
everything a little bit harder.

G'day. G'day. G'day.

Oh, what's your
job here, Chickie?

Next time you call me Chickie
will be the last time.

Okay, let's cut there.

And you're gonna say, "Next
time you call me Chickie

will be your last."

Action!

The next time you call me
Chickie will be your last.

Okay, cool.

Um.
Uh-uh.

Okay, cool.

Now squat.



I think we've got it in the bag.

I think we're good.

- Hello.
- Hello.

How's it going?
- Hi, Hannah.

Wow.

Who's playing who?

- So, I'm Deidre.
- MICHELLE: Okay.

And I'm Dezerie.

We'll show you what
we've come up with,

and then you can
say if you hate or not.

Yeah, well,
I'm very good at that.

And action.

Oh, Dezerie.
Thank God you're here.

No, that's Deirdre.

Oh, yeah, it is too.
This could happen all day.

Action.

- Oh.
- Oh, f*ck.

[laughter]

RHYS: Action.

Oh, Deirdre.

Thank God you're here.

Honestly, I've been
rushed off my feet.

Oh!

You need some of my new product.

Oh, my God.

[laughter]

So, it was so entertaining.

It's like a 150%.

MICHELLE: Yes.

We love where
you're going with this.

[clinks]

Michelle and Rhys were laughing.

So, I think Hannah and
I are doing really great.

Now we're gonna
do it with the rocks.

Just keep crawling.

Keep going.
Breaking free.

Okay, cue.

Wait.

We're really happy with this.

And grab hands and bow, up, bow.

Get really close. Run,
run, run, run, run, run, run!

Spankie, Yuri, welcome.

MICHELLE: Here we go.
And action!

Oh, whoops.

I dropped something.

Oh.
Oh.

Anoushka, thanks
for squeezing me in.

It's... it's my pleasure.

That... the sexuality
should be tense.

You can see how you're dressed.

- That you are easy.
- Yeah.

- Play it a little straighter.
- Okay.

So to speak.

So, Spankie, are we Russian?
Or are we not?

I... vodka.

I keep telling myself vodka.

Can you do Russian accent?

Can you do Russian accent?

It's a little more pizzeria.

QUEEN 6: I'm trying.

MICHELLE: And action.

The only thing I know is that
if she crosses me or you,

I'll slit her throat
while she sleeps.

So sorry for everyone
who has to watch this.

Uh.

Cue.

Big Bev, I am so sorry I'm late.

I don't like waiting
on b*tches, b*tch.

b*tch.

- Cut.
- Cut.

You're really dumb.

You're ditzy.
KWEEN KONG: Okay. Got you.

[laughs]

- Do you know what I mean?
- Gotcha.

All right.
[clears throat]

Action.

Where is it?

- Oh.
- Oh.

I almost forgot.

Here it is.

Kween, I want you
to play even ditsier.

KWEEN KONG: Okay.

- Okay.
- RHYS: Action.

What are we doing with
this pavlova again?

When Veggie
serves her last meal.

She'll find this.

File.

I don't get it.

But you're the boss, applesauce.

Mm-hmm.

[upbeat music]

I am in both scripts.

There's a file in it.

I got it. I think I'll be...
I think I'll be fine.

Action.

Here's your final meal
before we flip the switch.

How about something salty?

Keep those nuts
away from my face.

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.

So those glasses are horrible.

You want to run those
lines one more time?

Oh, that was a funny line.

No words.

No words.
Just...

- Execute her!
- Execute her!

Hold on.
Cut.

We aren't really that
familiar with each other.

We haven't really
had any play together.

Hello?

You don't say.

You don't say?

I forgot if this
electric chair thingy

- even works.
- Not even close.

Oh, that's so good.

I think it's rocky.

The overhead light! Well, f*ck me.

You know,
I'm a little bit worried.

Here's the switch.
[screaming]

Okay.

[upbeat music]

- Hey.
- Hey!

Come on!
It's got a stiffy!

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[laughter]

Hi, Team 1.

Hi, Team 2.

You'll find that
it's great Group W-O-N.

Group Won.

Oh!

I think we did really well.

I'm very confident
with our team.

Anyone worried?

I had a bit of fumbles at the
start and then once I got into,

I was on fire.

Minnie and Aubrey have
now settled everything,

so it's cool.

It's calm and we're collected.

[cheering]

Well, I ate Minnie's a*s.

So, I think we're fine now.

I just want to say something
to you guys

'cause I have dyslexia,
I don't share that very often.

And normally, I know...

Oh, yes, you're funny, Pomara?

No.

You say you don't share often.

I was like, "I've heard
you say it like six times."

"Yeah, but you were
in my group." No, I know.

Give me strength.

-Pomara, that's-
-Sorry.

For someone with a disability,
that's super offensive.

I can see that this was just
a really terribly timed joke.

It wasn't about the disability.

- No.
- But it is a disability.

No.

My joke was that I've heard
her mention it so many times.

That was it.

That was the harmless joke.

I would never laugh about that.

You were laughing about...
you saying...

I hear you. I hear you.
I hear you.

You don't tell anyone the way

you've told us a couple times.

Yeah, but
I'm telling these guys.

[indistinct chatter]

Sorry, I told those
guys and I didn't tell you.

I've known her for eight years

and I've never seen
her be so loud in my life.

Apologise and say
it was inappropriate.

Oh, I'm very sorry, Minnie.

It was inappropriate.

- Thank you.
- I appreciate that.

So, we have a runway to do.

Who is feeling excited
to stomp down that runway?

[queens cheering]

In that case, f*ck off
and let's go get ready.

[queens cheering]

Oh, my God.

[upbeat music]

Are you feeling confident
about how you did, Minnie?

Um.

Uh... look,
I'm always my worst critic.

I'm literally...
I'm totally the same.

- Yeah.
- I will critique myself

- under the bus.
- Yeah.

Sometimes it's like... it's
part of my magic,

but it's also something
that can really derail me.

Yeah, I would like to do
better than I did last week.

I really would.

I don't know.
I really don't know.

I work with kids,

but I teach them about,
like, living their dreams

and being themselves and...

Nope.

I just... yeah, I don't
want to let them down.

So, Yuri, tell me
about your family.

Are your family supportive?

Um, I grew up in a super
religious family.

When I was like 15,
they asked me, you know,

if I was g*y and stuff.

And they pretty much said, "If
you are, we can get you help."

Oh, wow.

And I was like,
"Oh, no, I'm not.

I'm not g*y" and everything.

And I was really
close to my family.

- Yeah.
- But pulled back.

And I stopped
going to Christmas.

I stopped like everything.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

And then when they
found out I did Drag, it was...

"Just so you know,
we'll never support you

and what you do.

Just don't tell your
father." That is really sad.

It's sh*t.

- Yeah.
- It really is.

And there's so many
young kids out there

that just don't,

unfortunately, their parents
just can't understand...

- Yeah.
- What we do.

They just don't.

So, you know, don't ever think
that that makes you not worthy

or less than or that
you're not loved.

But like,
I'm trying... I'm trying.

I don't know.
I don't know.

- I don't know what to do.
- You don't have to try.

You don't.

You are enough

it's like... Oh, f*ck, babe.

Honestly, you are welcome
in my family anytime.

There is always a bed,

there is always
a seat at the table.

- Thank you.
- So, you are not alone.

I've only ever met Spankie
like once or twice before this.

And she's like this
amazing person.

And being surrounded by people

that care and listen
is really, really nice.

And it makes me so happy.

- Love you.
- You're so... you're so welcome.

I mean it from
the bottom of my heart.

If you could stop crying,

because you need
to paint your face.

I know. And I take so long.

[laughter]

Ahh!

Not me brush.

♪ Cover girl
Put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe,
let your whole body talk ♪

Welcome to the main stage of
RuPaul's Drag Race Down Under.

Time to check in with my
parole officer Michelle Visage.

Put your arms up against
the wall and spread 'em.

Is this some kind of a bust?

Mmm.
Not anymore.

[laughter]

The loveable and
laughable Rhys Nicholson.

Now, Rhys, have you
ever been arrested?

Tilda Swinton had me
arrested for identity fraud.

[laugher]

Some credit card stuff and
perjury, attempted manslaughter.

And our extra special
guest judge Lucy Lawless.

Hello, my darling.

Hello, Ru.

Thank you for
gracing our country.

We are loving your country.

We're so thrilled
to have you here.

This week,
we challenged our queens

to show off their acting chops
in the prison drama Caged Queens.

[laughter]

Racers, start your engines. And
may the best Drag Queen win.

Category is Fly Girls.
Insects on the runway.

First up, Molly Poppinz.

♪ Condragulations ♪

You've heard of
a praying mantis.

Honey, get ready
for the slaying mantis.

Hey, buddy.
My eyes are up here.

[laughter]

From head to toe, I am
serving my signature slime.

I love my look.

There's so many
rhinestones on it.

♪ Condragulations ♪

I'm just ready to
feel this bug fantasy.

She's an endangered Drag Queen.

RUPAUL: Kween Kong.

KWEEN KONG: The essence of
what I'm serving.

Mother Earth, grounded.

Earth mother, power.

RUPAUL: Michelle,
are those her mothballs?

[laughter]

MICHELLE: Moths
are drawn to flamers, you know?

♪ Something to prove ♪

RUPAUL: Aubrey Haive.

QUEEN 5: Aubrey Haive.

♪ Right from the start ♪

♪ So proud of you ♪

AUBREY HAIVE: I look f*cking good

in this beautiful Mugler
inspired outfit.

♪ I wanna thank you... ♪

I'd like to tell a story,

show you more on the runway
than just a beautiful garment.

♪ So much fun ♪

RUPAUL: I didn't know
this was a strip show.

[laughter]

♪ Condragulations ♪

♪ Condragu-la-la-
la-la-la-lations ♪

LUCY: I think that
was unfortunate.

RUPAUL: Minnie Cooper.

♪ Condragulations ♪

LUCY: Oh, Mariah
will be so proud.

[laughing]

RHYS: What I love about
butterflies is they start

as this caterpillar and
they turn into this beautiful,

glamorous creature.

♪ Condragulations ♪

MINNIE COOPER: I'm serving fashion.

I've got the blue, the green.

I love my beehive.

I'm loving my silhouette.

I'm loving me.

It's got a pretty face,
butterfly.

Beverly Hills.

MICHELLE: Otherwise
known as citronella.

I'm just having the best
time on the runway right now.

I cannot stop showing off
every little corner

and crevice of
my beautiful outfit.

Excuse me, ma'am,
your fly's open.

What are you gonna
do with all that thorax?

RUPAUL: Pomara Fifth,
Sixth, and Seventh.

POMARA FIFTH: On the runway
I'm giving you blue moon cicada.

Cicada, I don't even know her.

[laughter]

POMARA FIFTH: I'm jewelled up.

I'm filling my
Wing Fly Girl fantasy.

♪ b*tch ♪

♪ Has paid off ♪

POMARA FIFTH: I love my
deconstructed wings.

Cicada's wings
are generally see-through.

LUCY: She's a husk
of her former self.

[laughter]

RUPAUL: Spankie Jackzon.

MICHELLE: Take that, J-Lo.
This is the original Fly Girl.

[laughter]

♪ You gave your heart ♪

♪ Right from the start ♪

SPANKIE JACKZON: I'm loving my fly

inspired outfit.

I feel like it's glittery and
I feel like I've got a bit of

drama as well with my wings.

♪ I wanna thank you
for a job well done ♪

RUPAUL: Hannah Conda.

♪ Condragulations,
you're so much fun ♪

She's been in
mothball since the '30s.

[laughter]

HANNAH CONDA: Tonight on the runway,

I am serving the diva queen.

♪ Condragu-la-la-
la-la-la-lations ♪

MICHELLE: To know
me is to larva me.

I feel gorgeous.

It is elegant.

It is regal.

Why don't you come up and
inseminate

me sometime?

♪ Condragulations ♪

RUPAUL: Yuri Guaii.

YURI GUAII: So tonight
on the runway,

I am a praying mantis.

Hmm.
Very fun.

Did I k*ll my husband
and eat him?

Maybe.

Am I on acid and
having a bad trip?

Probably.

I'm here, and I'm ready

to f*cking split some
queen's throat.

♪ Condragulations ♪

I don't know what
happened to my ex-husband.

MICHELLE: Now take a bow.
I mean bow.

Kia ora, queens.

[QUEENS] Kia ora!

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie.

Oi, oi, oi.

[laughter]

Now it's time for
the world premiere

of the most anticipated
trailer of the year.

Let's take a look.

NARRATOR: They're brutal
and bodacious bombshells.

Let's take a look into the
sordid lives of Caged Queens.

What the hell?

How did a beautiful pop star
like me Chantal Minogue,

end up in a place like this?

I mean, I did steal $10,000
worth of contour sticks,

but I mean, I was their
brand ambassador.

Whether they knew it or not.

G'day, g'day, g'day,
little lady.

Oh, finally.

I need to speak to your manager.

Manager?

I don't even know her.

My name is Chiquita.

Cool.

What's your job here, Chickie?

The next time you call me,
Chickie, will be your last.

And I've just been given
Head of Inmate Liaisons.

Now squat.

Spread them, sweet cheeks.

Ex-squeeze me.

Spread this marmite
all over this bread.

You're on kitchen duty.

Oh, this place sucks.

I want to go home!

[evil laughter]

NARRATOR: Meanwhile,
across the prison in the H wing.

Oh, Deidre, I've been absolutely
rushed off my feet.

Babe.

Oh, Dezerie.

You look like an
absolute dog's breakfast.

You need some of my new product.

Oh.

It's called Deirdre's
Toilet Chardonnay!

Sorta good.

But needs something
a little extra.

It's gonna sell like hotcakes.

[laughter]

Yeah. I've come up
with this plan.

Have you heard of the new
inmate, Chantelle Minogue?

She's trying to help us escape
out of this bloody hell hole.

[laughter]

CHIQUITA: And next in
the Prison Talent Quest,

Shazza and the Shiv Shielas performing...
Koala Girl!

♪ Cover girl! ♪

♪ Put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe, let
your whole body talk ♪

♪ Cover Girl! ♪

♪ Put your bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head-to-toe, let
your whole body talk ♪

And the winner of the Prison
Talent Contest is

Shazza and the Shiv Shielas!
[cricket chirping]

CHIQUITA: Shazza and the Shiv Shielas!

Wait.

What did she just say?

We've just won
the Prison Talent Contest.

We've got to go back.

You're a winner, babies.

[cheers and applause]

Hold up.

What's with that big hole?

What did you just call me?

What can we do for you today?

I'm going to tonight's
big execution,

and I need to look amazeballs.

Tell you what, for
a pack of ciggies,

I whiten your teeth

and I throw in
a free a**l bleaching.

Oh, I bet you will.

Tell me, how did you
get your lips so plump?

I used live bedbugs.

Uh, speaking of bedbugs,

I heard that Big Bev
has a new prison b*tch.

The only thing I know is
that if she crosses me or you,

I'll slit her throat
while she sleeps.

Oh, you sweet talker.

I am so sorry I'm late.

I don't like waiting
around for b*tches.

b*tch.

Here they come.

Act natural.

Hi.

Keep walking.

They're executing her tonight.

What did she do?

She wrote the scripts for
all the acting challenges

for RuPaul's Drag Race.

[screams]

There's something
you should know.

I did the lighting for Season 1?

Ew.

I've been serving hard time
in this hellhole ever since.

What are we doing with
this pavlova again?

When Veggie
serves her last meal.

She'll find this file,

so she can escape.

I don't get it.

But you're the boss, applesauce.

NARRATOR: It's the night of
Veggie's execution.

The only thing that stands
between her and death

is a call from the warden.

Here's your final meal
before we flip the switch.

Thanks, but I'm not hungry.

Eat the pavlova.

How about something salty?

Get those nuts
away from my face.

Oh, you wrote that line.

[applauding]

You might hate my scripts, but
please don't hate the writer.

Can you find it in your
hearts to forgive me?

Execute her.

Execute her.

Hey, guys.

It's been so long

since I've worked one of
these electric chair thingies.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

It's the warden.

Oh, you don't say.

Oh, you don't say

Ooh, you don't say.

So, is the execution cancelled?

He didn't say it.

I'm just kidding.

Veggie can live!
Yay!

This is the worst execution
party I've ever been to.

And the overhead lighting sucks.

Here's the switch?

Oh, that's tickles!

Oh, right there. Right
there. Right there.

Uh.
[Veggie moaning]

NARRATOR: Caged Queens 2.

Electric Timaru. Coming soon.

[laughter]

[applause]

I can't wait till
that comes out.

This week you worked as teams,

but tonight, you'll be
judged as individuals.

Based on your
Caged Queens performances

and your Fly Girl presentations
made some decisions.

When I call your name,
please step forward.

Molly Poppinz.

Beverly Kills,

Pomara Fifth.

Ladies, you are safe.

You may leave the stage.

Ladies, you represent the
tops and bottoms of the week,

and now it's time for
the judges' critiques.

First up, Kween Kong.

So tonight, you look beautiful.

I love that you chose
the death moth.

And that's gorgeous.

Let's talk about Baby Bill.

I wanted you to be
ditzy, not valley girl.

It wasn't really getting to
where we needed it to be.

I've seen your work
in the real world.

And you're a k*ller, a
destroyer of stages and worlds.

And I know that and
you know that, show this lady.

Did you have fun doing it?

Absolutely f*cking not.

I hated it.
I had a horrible time.

Lucy Lawless, you
were my idol growing up.

Oh, I broke so many of the sofas
in my house 'cause

I would tumble over the back

of being Xena
the Warrior Princess.

I'm so embarrassed that
you had to watch me at that.

So mentally,

the past couple of years
has been a struggle.

It's a fine balance between
being happy

and being extremely depressed.

When I'm trying to feel

a legitimate feeling to
work off of as an actor,

I'm just not getting there.

Whatever you're
going through, we get it.

You're a seasoned performer.

You really have to
trust your directors.

I can do better.
I know it.

Thank you.
Up next, Aubrey Haive.

It's always scary to
be the first one out.

I'm scary.

Rhys is just Rhys.

Once you started to give
into it, then it got better.

I wished you had done
that from the beginning.

Probably not
the strongest performance.

RUPAUL: I wasn't quite sure
what you were trying to do.

As you're standing here
stunning, emotion,

a couple little hiccups
from time to time.

Tonight on the runway,

the problem was you were like

literally driving
the struggle bus tonight.

Nothing was working.
You had 18 larvae.

Then they fell out of
your purse,

which was a really cute idea.

And then one wing worked.

Yeah.

You had a lot of business to do.

- She's a businesswoman.
- RUPAUL: Yeah.

She had a lot to do. And
maybe too much for today.

But she gave it a go.

[laughter]

Minnie Cooper.

Minnie, where the other queens
were nervous,

you did not give a sh*t.

I was thoroughly impressed.

And I'm glad to see
a seasoned queen

deliver and show these
young'uns what it's all about.

It was like fully formed
from the get go.

Tonight, on the runway,
so pretty.

This silhouette is so gorgeous.

It always works.

It's always flattering.

And you look
absolutely gorgeous.

Thank you, Minnie.

Up next, Yuri Guaii.

Quite a spectacular look, Yuri.

Fashion's your game,
and I'm here for it.

This is one
of my favourite things

I've ever seen on Drag Race.

Let's talk about
your performance.

You were struggling with that.

I was trying to get
you to a femme fatale,

which, believe it or
not, is less versus more.

And jokes were being run over.

Because there are
clues in the word.

It's like a puzzle.

And then you get to
understand, you know,

what's being said here.

Puzzles are a bit
too hard for me.

Some puzzles are too hard.

You're right.

But you look like
a beautiful puzzle on stage.

Spankie Jackzon.

You are the Jackzon
they don't speak of.

[laughter]

Tonight, I want to say bravo
to finally wearing some tights.

[laughter]

Just for you.
Honestly.

Let's stay on that trajectory.
Okay, babes.

Spank you, spank me.

In the challenge, I could have
watched you answer

a phone for hours
and hours and hours.

You kind of held
Caged Queens 2 together

actually with your
Bulgarian charm.

I agree.

I thought your characterisation
was so much fun.

The outfit looks good.

Strong night for you.

Thank you very much.

Hannah Conda.

G'day.

Hannah, this look tonight.

Wow! Wow! Wow!

I would describe this as grand.

It is so beautiful
from antenna to toe.

Your acting.

I give you a ten.

Oh, thank you.

Really well done.

And you look very glamorous.

Thank you.

Thank you, ladies.
I think we've heard enough,

while you untuck
in the workroom.

The judges and
I will deliberate.

You may leave the stage.

Oh, beveraginos.

I'm gonna have a beveragino.

Well, I'm definitely
in the bottom.

Absolutely 1,000%.

- Bottom?
- You're in the bottom?

- Why?
- Wait, what?



Why?

They all found my
performance really like meh.

- Oh.
- Okay.

How are you feeling
over here, babe?

I think it's going
to be the two of us

lip syncing against each other.

I love you, sis.

Just go for it.
You know what I mean?

Honestly, this look
is f*ck' everything.

This is when you
order it online.

And this is when it arrives.

[laughter]

What did they say about yours?

Ask Hannah.

Minnie Cooper nothing to say!?

I feel like my opinions
are offending people.

My delivery isn't great.

I was so hurt by what
Pomara did in the morning,

laughing at my disability.

I thought I'm just gonna be
direct and truthful

'cause she hurt me.

Here we go.

I've mentored Pomara
in a talent quest before,

and I never said this
when I mentored you,

I didn't enjoy it.

Really?

I found you entitled and rude.

Entitled?

All right, like, gloves are off.

Here we go. Let's do it.
Come at me.

Prior to coming here
that's why I heard,

"I don't mind that
Pomara does drag.

I just hate that
she gets paid for it."

I just made a joke, and whoever
told you that is very unkind

because they are responsible,

not me.

I mean, that's really.

- I know, I said it.
- I mean, you said it.

- Yeah, I said.
- I mean-

- I apologise.
- What you mean?

And you don't even need
to ask me for the apology.

- I give it to you.
- Thank you.

Am I still pissed?
Yeah,

I'm still f*cking pissed because

the last eight years you've
had this opinion of me.

Can we let this go now?
Yeah, let it go.

Can we let it go?

I'm sorry.
Here, come and give me a cuddle.

I'm going to handle it,

you know, professional

'cause that's what I'm about.

Since I got here,

like, I have needed
to get that off my chest.

And I appreciate you saying it.

I have very strong opinions,

and that can be quite
daunting for young people.

One more hug. There you go.

I think I've dealt
with that very well.

f*ck off now, mole.

Yeah, f*ck off.

All right.
Just between us kangaroos.

What do you reckon?

Kween Kong?

There no denying
how amazing Kween is.

She is beautiful to look at.

I think she is really just
getting in her own way.

Like the moth

she was dressed up as tonight,

she is stuck in a cocoon.

I've seen tapes of her onstage.

She knows how to
command an audience.

She just has to transfer
that to the camera.

Aubrey Haive?

Listen, Aubrey, once she did
trust us, gave us some gems,

but it took a long while.

I think both on the stage today

and in the challenge yesterday,
she overcomplicated everything.

It was kind of
confusing herself.

She's just same as a few...
few other of these girls.

She's stuck in a little trap.

You know,
I've fallen into that trap,

I must say, and getting locked up.
Happens to the best of us.

At the end of
the day, these kids

are so concerned
about the way they look.

- Yes.
- That the energy goes into that.

Exactly.

And not into the performing,
into whatever else is needed.

That's what the new
generation needs to focus on.

That's why the old broads acted
the pants off everybody else.

That's right. Which
brings us to Minnie Cooper.

What a treat Minnie was.

Minnie came on to
the set looking insane.

- And that...
- [laughter]

And that was perfect
for her character.

And tonight, she looked
absolutely beautiful.

She's a spitfire and
she's a legend for a reason.

She understands who
she is and she delivered.

Let's move on to Yuri Guaii.

She was not able
to take direction.

I was trying to say
this is a femme fatale.

This is not in your face.

She didn't need to do that,
but she wanted to do that.

[laughter]

Tapping at that performance,

it just kept somehow
getting stranger and stranger

and not necessarily
in the right direction.

She was alone on
the stage in her head.

She wasn't working
off other people.

Tonight, however, this
look was phenomenal.

Everything about it was magical.

That hair was captivating
and it just...

you knew exactly what she was.

So, let's talk about Spankie.

You know, Spankie came in
with his deranged character.

We knew exactly
what she was doing.

Now, she didn't know
what accent she was doing,

and neither did we.

It was actually something
funnier about the character.

And tonight, on the runway, what
an improvement from last week.

The look tonight was
such an improvement.

She's a lot of fun.

Last week, her look
was rough as guts,

but this week was
an improvement.

But where she shines
is in her performance.

In her wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

It really made that
character come to life.

All right.
Hannah Conda.

Her character, Deirdre,
was so fun to watch.

You see her physical comedy
at that moment when she said,

"You've got to try
some of my product."

She splits her legs.

The rhythm of it was hilarious.

MICHELLE: Tonight on
the runway, my goodness.

She looked like
a black and white film

and I thought it
was so beautiful.

Silence.
I've made my decision.

Bring back my girls.

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some decisions.

Spankie Jackzon,
the warden called.

He said condragtulations!

You're the winner of
this week's challenge.

- Yes!
- Yes! Yes!

Spankie!

Oh, my God.

Like mind-blowing.

Like...

You've won
a luxury four-night stay

at a Sofitel property
of your choice

in Australia or New Zealand

from Sofitel, Auckland
Viaduct Harbor.

Thank you so much.

[upbeat music]

Hannah Conda,

Minnie Cooper.

You are both safe.

Thank you.
Appreciate it.

Let's go, girl.

Well done.

[suspenseful music]

Yuri Guaii,

you're safe.

YURI: Thank you so much.

You may join the other girls.

Good job, baby.

Aubrey Haive, Kween Kong.

I'm sorry, my dears, but you
are both up for elimination.

AUBREY HAIVE: I'm not
going anywhere.

Two queens stand before me.

KWEEN KONG: I'm here,
and I'm ready.

So I'm excited to pull it
out of my a*s.

This is your last chance to
impress me

and save yourself
from elimination.

The time has come for

you to lip sync for your life.

Good luck. And don't f*ck it up.

♪ I love myself ♪

♪ I want you to love me ♪

♪ When I feel down ♪

♪ I want you above me ♪

♪ I search myself ♪

♪ I want you to find me ♪

♪ I forget myself ♪

♪ I want you to remind me ♪

♪ I don't want anybody else ♪

♪ When I think about you ♪

♪ I touch myself ♪

♪ Oh, I don't want
anybody else ♪

♪ Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no ♪

There's tricks, there's legs,

there's arms, there's this,
there's that.

♪ You're the one who
makes me come runnin' ♪

I don't know

what is gonna happen
because it so tight.

♪ When you're around,
I'm always laughin' ♪

♪ I want to make you mine ♪

♪ I search myself ♪

♪ I want you to find me ♪

♪ I forget myself ♪

♪ I want you to remind me ♪

♪ I don't want anybody else ♪

♪ When I think about you ♪

♪ I touch myself ♪

♪ Oh, I don't want
anybody else ♪

♪ Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no ♪

♪ I want you ♪

♪ I don't want anybody else ♪

♪ And when I think about you ♪

♪ I touch myself ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

What the f*ck!

♪ I don't want anybody else ♪

♪ When I think about you ♪

♪ I touch myself ♪

♪ I touch myself ♪

♪ When I think about you ♪

♪ I touch myself ♪

[cheers and applause]

QUEEN: Well done!

QUEEN: k*lled it,
girls.

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Kween Kong. Shantay, you stay.

You may join the other girls.

Thank you so much.

Aubrey Haive,

you are a young
and talented queen,

and I cannot wait to
see what you do next.

Now Sashay, away.

We love you.
We love you. Yes!

[cheers and applause]

Aubrey, actually, you know what?

Misbehave 'cause
life's too short.

[queens cheering]

Bye.

We love you, Aubrey.
We love you, Aubrey.

Oh, I mean, like,
I'm devastated.

Oh.

I think I tried to do too much.

Maybe I just need
to chill out a bit.

This is definitely not the last

you're gonna see
of Aubrey Haive.

She's only
just started literally.

I've enjoyed this
experience so much.

Now what do I do?

Just go home.

I'm gonna go out
into the world now

and just have it
be my... my oyster.

Take every single
pearl that I can find.

Bye.

Ah!

Condgratulations, Queens!

Now remember,
if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell are you
gonna love somebody else?

Can I get an amen up in here?

Amen!

All right.
Now let the music play.

♪ Nobody wins when you're
playing with the game of love ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

RUPAUL: Next time
on RuPaul's Drag Race.

You'll be working in pairs,

as you co-host
a Down Under Drag Brunch.

Oh!
Okay.

Is everybody happy?

Please stop yelling at me!

That was your line.

That's why I said it.

Oh, this is gonna be
that f*cking edit

- where they go...
- [mimics sad trombone music]

This is a way for them
to present themselves.

And I don't believe
that she did that.

You look like a million bucks.

You were so in control.

Here you are. You've
shown up for the competition.