04x03 - The Sneaky Girl Shuffle

[bunniefuu]

- [Sam] Tonight, an
extra ruining this take,

it's Angela Giarratana!

- Just don't say anything, okay?

We're supposed to be
here and be really quiet.

- [Sam] [laughs] Giving each
of our cameras direction,

it's Lisa Gilroy!

- Camera one, I'm gonna
need you to zoom in on Sam.

Two, zoom in on Sam.
Three, zoom in on Sam.

Four, zoom in on me, m*therf*cker.

And five, zoom in on Sam.

[Lisa and crew laughs]

- [Sam] And a creepy
lantern-holding graveyard keeper,

it's Isabella Roland!

- You're asking about the graveyard,

I've been here 5,000 years.

- [Angela & Lisa] [gasp] Whoa!
[Izzy moaning creepily]

- [Sam] They're all here to...

- [All] Make Some Noise!

[exuberant upbeat music]

[music crescendos]

- Welcome to "Make Some Noise,"

the game so good we spun it off unchanged.

I am your host, Sam Reich.
Here's how the show works.

I have here a series of
improvisational prompts

our players have never seen before.

Isn't that right, players?

- [mockingly] Isn't that right?

[laughs] You hosting the show.

[players mocking Sam]

- [laughs] Just knew it.

I just knew this was what
I was walking into today.

They will, to the best of their ability,

fulfill those prompts.

I will award them corresponding points,

and the winner will go home
with the coveted Golden Ear

which is hard to get through the TSA

because it is solid gold [slams award]

and full of cocaine.

Players, are you ready to rumble?

- Yeah!

- This is a little minigame

that we like to call Vent it Out.

How it works is, players,

I'm gonna ask for you to rant and rave.

When I say stop, you will stop.

When I call upon the next person,

they will rant and rave
where you left off.

- I just wanna say it's
really brave of you

to invite three psycho white girls.

- Psycho white girl switcheroo!

♪ Set-doo dap-doo, dee-dee dee ♪
- Oh!

♪ A-wamp-bop boom bop-bop-a-doo ♪

- I can't tell them apart!
Like a game, of, you know.

Anyway.

- All right, let us do
the improvising, okay?

[crew laughing]
- Your first topic is,

being advertised mouth tape.

Izzy, we will start with you.

- Mouth tape saved my life, okay?

I didn't really understand
that I was breathing bad

'cause I'm sleeping, I'm eating.

- Stop. Angela.

- sh1tting. I'm dancing.

- Stop. Lisa.

- I'm farting, I'm pooping, I'm crying,

and I'm not talking.

[Angela laughing]

At the end of a long day,

cuddling up in bed next
to my husband saying,

"Babe, how was your day?

Let me tell you about mine."

He goes, "Shush-shh, time for mouth tape,"

and he's right.
- Stop. Izzy.

- I should be wearing it right now,

but I wanted to come into my bathroom

and film a little video

and pretend like I wasn't
filming a video 'cause he said,

"No more going into the bathroom

and filming your little videos."

- Stop. Lisa.

- And no more going to the fridge

and having your bad snacks.

I'm not doing any more talking.

I'm not doing any more eating,
and I'm here to tell you

that you could do the
same with mouth tape.

Extra sticky, and it never
comes off 'til you're dead.

[buzzer blares]
[players and Sam laughing]

- Next up, beginning with Angela,

burgers that don't come with sides.

- Finally, I can focus
on one thing on my plate.

- Stop. Lisa.

- No ketchup, no lettuce,
no mustard, no mayo.

Just-
- Stop. Izzy.

- Too many people are out here
having too many side pieces.

There, I said it.

- Stop! Angela.

- Sorry if I love monogamy. [chuckles]

- [laughs] Stop. Izzy.

- Fries are polyamory.

[Sam and crew laughing]
[buzzer blares]

- Next up, beginning with Izzy,

that we no longer challenge
each other to duels.

- Did you see that video
of the lady in New York

interviewing another lady

talking about pro-life, pro-choice?

Punch a m*therf*cker in the face.

- Stop. Angela.

- Punch a m*therf*cker in the face.

Could I get another one too?

[Sam and Izzy laughing]
I think...

Have you seen the clip?

Speaking of that clip,
I'll show you another clip

of the two Wiggles fighting and I'm like,

"Oh, it's on Facebook only."

Just, and one more. And I-

- Stop! Lisa.

[slurring words drunkenly]

- Hey, hey, excuse me,
bartender. Okay, excuse me.

How are old are you? 'Cause guess what.

'Cause I'm married but you
could kiss me if you want.

[Sam and crew laughing]
[buzzer blares]

- Starting with Angela, snitching.

- Shut the f*ck up!

- Angela!

- Why can't we all just
f*cking keep it quiet?

- Stop. Lisa.

- Are you kidding me?

I'm gonna roll you down
the stairs and into a tube

because your snitching attitude

has made me so ferociously furious-

- Stop. Izzy.

- Eat sh*t 'til you die! Okay?

What did Snoop Dogg say?

- Stop. Angela.

- What did Snoop Dogg say?

- Stop. Lisa.

- Does anyone know?
What did Snoop Dogg say?

- Stop. Izzy.

- Like was it in "Soul
Plane"? Or was it "Dogghouse"?

- Stop. Angela.

- Is it just something
we said so many times

and we go, "Who said it originally?"

- Stop. Lisa.
- What is it?

I'll have another one
of these, by the way.

[buzzer blares]
And really, just tell me!

- And that is a minigame!

- And these are three minigirls.

Minigirl switcheroo!
- Minigirls. Whoo!

♪ Dee, dee, dee, dee,
dee, dee, dee, dee, dee ♪

- Whoa!

- Don't look!

[crew and players laughing]

- Okay, switch. Switch it up.

How'd we do it?

- It's like the-

- The coconut shell game.

- This guy's never been
to a party and it shows.

- Invite me! I'll come!

[bombastic upbeat music]

That brings us to round one? Angela.

- Hello, sir.

- [Sam] Coach just doesn't
have a very inspiring voice.

[Angela clapping]

- [nasal vocal fry]
You do your pop-pop up?

[cast and crew laughing]

Come on guys, that was
amazing! Incredible!

Oh my God, let's...

[emphatically clapping] Hey,
hey, hey, you've been pop, pop,

popping around over there, huh?

Come on now!

We're gonna run the ball down the field.

We're gonna, we're
gonna run it around now.

And then we get those cheese. Yeah!

No, no, for real, for
real, for real, for real!

This is the Super Bowl! Super Bowl, okay?

[cast and crew laughing]
Whoo! Whoo!

Take the ball and whoo it down the field!

Okay now! Why are you
guys looking like that?

Oh, oh no.

[buzzer blares]
[Sam laughing]

- Points on three. One, two, three.

- [All] Points.

- Lisa.

[snickers] Oh, God!

- What? I didn't say anything.

- [Sam] A wildlife PSA
from the 'Hawk Tuah' girl.

- [southern] All right,
y'all gotta be looking out.

You gotta be looking
out for these falcons.

They are going extinct!

They have been flying up through the air.

The mama's been feeding
the baby like, "Hawk tuah!"

When the worm down into the baby's throat,

and if anybody interrupts
what they're doing over there,

then you know, you can actually
f*ck up the cycle of life

and then those falcons

aren't gonna be living so much anymore,

so I've gotta say, hell yeah,

come on down to National this
weekend and see a falcon.

[buzzer blares]

- Damn! I liked that a lot!

Yeah, I think 55 points pump
and dumped by her, herself.

- Nasty.

- She ran a bad crypto scam.

- I thought you were
just being like, rowdy.

[Sam laughing]

- I think it doesn't
really mean a sex thing.

- Well, you could pump
her and then dump her.

- Sick, dude.

[high fives clapping]
[Sam and crew laughing]

- Izzy.
- Izzy.

- [Sam] What you're
really doing when you send

an 'I'm on my way' text.
[Izzy gasps and sighs]

- How do I get out of this?

[cast and crew laughing]

Hey. Hey Mom, can you...

Okay, so I'm gonna walk outta my door,

and you're gonna call me and say you died.

Or no, and say I'm dead- Dad's dead,

and I'm gonna go, "Oh no!"

And what's gonna happen is
my Ring cam is gonna get it,

and then I'm gonna ghost my friend

so I don't have to go to lunch with her

because she just got this new
job in Culver City and she

[Angela and Sam laughing]

can't stop talking about it.

- Honey, honey.

- Yeah?

- Can I tell you something?
- What?

- Daddy is dead.

- That is perfect, Mom. Just like that.

[buzzer blares]
[Sam and crew laughing]

- 10 points that are
just looking for parking.

Which brings us back,

for the last time in round one, to Angela.

- Uh-huh.

- [Sam] A mob wife has a
word with her son's bully.

- So what is it, f*ck' Chester?

- Oh my God.
- Or something?

Take a f*cking seat.

Don't worry.

My son's not gonna pull the
chair out from under you.

He's not gonna use your f*ck' moves!

Let me smell the carrot
sticks on your breath,

the carrot sticks I packed
for my son for lunch

that you f*ck' took, Chester!

[Sam giggling]

[sniffs] I smell f*ck'
carrots on your face!

Also, you look like
you need a f*ck' job!

Touch my son one more time

and I'll move your
family to another county.

Simple as that.

Where's my kitty?

[buzzer blares]
[Sam and players laughing]

- Let's say 40 points with connections.

- I could see the Carmela
Soprano neighbors.

- [Lisa] Yeah, yeah.
[Angela laughing]

- Maybe another 20 years,
it's great casting.

- Sam always tells us like,
what age we look and what kind-

- Okay-
- types of character roles

we would play.
- Moving right on.

- No, it's like, really helpful.

He's always like, "If you
were five years younger,

you could be..."
- You gave it to her, Sam!

- There's landmines everywhere!

- Sneaky girl shuffle!

- Whoo!
♪ Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee ♪

♪ Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee ♪
[crew laughing]

- Oh no! Oh no!
♪ Whoa, whoa, po-po-po ♪

♪ Ba, pu, pi ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, da, da, dee, dee ♪

♪ And that's the sneaky girl shuffle ♪

♪ The sneaky girl shuffle ♪

♪ Better watch your back,
better watch your back ♪

- Lisa, brace yourself
for your own personal game

of Earthquake Some Noise,

it's time for a Doozy prompt.
[dramatic music]

This is just for you.

- Are you on drugs?

- [Sam] A romance novelist reads aloud

as she types out her 40th book,

'The Werewolf Who Could
Unfasten My Bra One-Pawed.'

In her career, she has never
once used the same synonym

for p*nis twice, and she's
not about to start now.

- I'd walk out.

[Sam cackling]

- "Wolfie," I said, as he
pushed me onto the bed.

Hello, police?

[Sam and crew laughs]

I'd like to report that
Sam Reich is a pervert.

Yeah, I'm literally, I'm
on the show right now.

So I think what he's
trying to get me to do

is say p*nis a lot.

[Sam chortling]
Oh, okay.

Okay, so just like, do the prompt

and act like everything's normal

and then get my revenge later?

[Angela screams]
Okay.

Um... [clears throat]
[crew laughing]

"Wolfie," I said as he
pushed me onto the bed,

"your member is the longest
sword I've ever seen."

"Well, that's my c*ck," he said,

as he swung his big willy next to my leg.

"We can't be doing this, not here

in Captain Jack's log cabin."
- Ring, ring, ring, ring!

- [Lisa] Hello.

- You said "Sam Reich"?

- Yeah, I know.

No one knows, like,
who he is, but I think-

[Sam and crew laughing]

- Oh no, we know who he is.

We have a lot of complaints about Sam.

Yeah, but you do still
need to finish the prompt

because it's an ongoing case.

- Okay.

- You're not on camera right now, right?

- I am but he's like,

too stupid to notice.
[Sam and crew laughing]

I'll just finish the prompt and
then I'll talk to you later.

- Okay. Love you, bye.

- Love you, bye.

He pushed me onto the bed.
He ripped my blouse asunder.

His dinky-donker was getting
engorged with werewolf-y blood.

"Yep, that's my bow and
arrow surprise," he said,

licking his chops.

"Uh-oh, your tubular astrophy
is getting so engorged,"

I said as I threw my hair back and-

- Wee-ooh, wee-ooh, [laughs] wee-ooh!

- Lisa Gilroy, you're under arrest

for saying too many words that
are like p*nis in front of-

- No!

- This was a set up. We're
gonna read you your rights.

- You got anything you wanna say?

- [whispering] I'm gonna find you.

[Sam laughing]
[buzzer blares]

[crew clapping and laughing]
- Terrifying!

Absolutely terrifying!

- I mean it in like kind of a romantic way

how some people are like, "I
will find you in every life,"

but like, for me, it's a threat.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- Lisa, how many points do you want?

- A dilly-dong.

- A dilly-donker? A
dilly-donkers of points.

Izzy, last prompt of round one.

- Izzy.

- Miss Piggy's audition for 'Euphoria.'

- [Angela] [laughs] Hey!

- Hi-yah!

What do you think you're
doing, hiding in the bathroom?

I knew you were kissing my man!

Yeah, that's right, I
just did a bunch of molly,

and I don't think you'll be coming

for my Kermie anytime soon

because this all going up in a play.

Is this play about us?

Yeah, this play is about you, b*tch!

Guess what, if you don't
want a Swedish Chef

to cook up some nasty, nasty
drama at your high school,

get out of this party right now!

The Zendaya one.

We're all 40!

[buzzer blares]
[Sam and Angela laughing]

- 27 kissy kissies to you, Izzy.

Which brings us to our next minigame.

- Ruh-roh.

- This is a little minigame
that we like to call Name That,

in this case, sex toys.

How this will work is,
players, I will present you

with a series of sex
toys through this door.

You will buzz in-
- Nasty.

- and name those sex toys for me.

If I could please have our first sex toy.

[crew and players laughing]
[sex toy whirring]

- [Izzy] Oh no!

- [gasps] You made that?

- Yes, I stayed up late
at night and made that.

[buzzer rings]
Lisa.

- Sam's little snack.

[Sam and crew laughing]

[buzzer rings]

- That base is not flared enough.

- More of a critique than a
name, but I'll take it, Izzy

- Yes.
[buzzer rings]

- Lisa.

- A potassium put-it-in-your-a*s-ium.

[Angela and Paul laughing]

- That's how the game is played, Lisa,

and so that point does go to you.

Thank you so much.
- Wow.

- For Sam's little snack. Thank you.

- I don't think it turns off.
[crew laughing]

- [Sam] A little defect
in the manufacturing.

- It's so loud I couldn't
have one thought.

- If I could please have our next sex toy.

- [Lisa] Oh no!

- Why do you have gloves on?

- For safety.
[crew laughing]

- Okay, I don't know.

[buzzer rings]
The f*cking hot jizz bubbler?

Is that jizz in there?

- Is it?

[buzzer rings]
- Izzy.

- This is a tank full of aliens,
and this is how they f*ck.

- This is a tank full of aliens?

- Mm-hmm.

- And this is how they f*ck?

- No, this is a tank-

- [Lisa & Izzy] full of aliens,
and this is how they f*ck.

- Oh!
[buzzer rings]

- Angela.

- A snow globe dildo.

- [Sam] Oh yeah, it kind of is!

[Lisa slapping buzzer]
[buzzer rings]

Oh, Lisa.

- A lube-a lamp.

- [Angela] Ooh.
- [Sam] A lube-a lamp is good.

I think I'm gonna give
this one to Lisa again?

- [slapping fist] I know my dildos!

- [Sam] Thank you, Paul.

- [Izzy] Paul...
- Paul, snap out of it.

[Paul laughs]
- Do that alone!

- If I could please have our next toy.

[smooth sensual music]

- [Lisa] Ooh!
- [Izzy] What the hell?

[buzzer rings]
- Lisa.

- The sex driver.

- Oh, good! Sex drive!
[crew laughing]

- It's vibrating?

- Slight vibration on this one.

[buzzer rings]
- Angela.

- A rattle for adults?

- Yes, absolutely.

[buzzer rings]
Izzy.

- It's for my Andrew Lloyd Webberheads.

♪ What's the buzz, tell
me what's happening ♪

- I like that, Izzy.

I think we're gonna go
with you for that one.

- Oh, thank you.
- That's a good one.

- If I could please have our next sex toy.

- [Lisa] Ooh.

- [Angela] Ouchie. [laughs] Ouch!

- Are the lights dimming? What
are you trying to make us do?

[cast and crew laughing]

- [Angela] [laughing] What are you trying?

- I'll do it.

- I am going to be arrested

at the end of this episode.
- [Izzy] Yes!

- As you should be.

[buzzer rings]
- [laughs] Izzy.

- The tickler!

- [Sam] The tickler indeed!

[buzzer rings]
Angela.

- Looks better with the lights off.

- [Sam] I like that a lot, Angela!

[buzzer rings]
Izzy.

- For some insects that
have 100 vaginas or holes,

now you can fill every one.

- [Sam] Now you have a
dinky-donker for every single one.

[buzzer rings]
Lisa.

- A glow-in-the-dark taint teaser.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- I am gonna say that
this point goes to Angela.

If I could please have the next toy.

- Everyone's gonna wanna
bring this one home.

- [Izzy] Oh!
- Ew, it's icky.

[buzzer rings]
- Izzy.

- Slap-da-cl*t.

- Slappin' the cl*t.

[buzzer rings]
- Lisa.

- The mega-wet p*ssy fish
sloppin' slap spanker.

[buzzer rings]
- Izzy.

- Big flappin' fishy f*ck f*ck
f*ck. f*ck me little fish.

- Yeah.
- [Lisa] Fish.

[buzzer rings]
- Angela.

- Double fish p*ssy on my fish,

multiple pussies for my bedtime.

- [Lisa] Yeah. Hey, hey, hey.
[buzzer rings]

- Lisa.

- Merman but the bottom half is a fish

and the top half is a fish,

and he's eatin' my p*ssy.

[buzzer rings]
- Angela.

- Merman and all the
fish is sucking my ba*ls.

[buzzer rings]
- Izzy.

- Merman but the bottom half is a d*ck

and the top half is a d*ck.

- [Angela] Yeah, yeah.
[high fives clap]

- I've never thought about
f*cking Ursula The Sea Witch,

not even one time.

I'd never, ever, ever think about it.

[buzzer rings]
- Lisa.

- Ursula, big t*tties
spilling out of that tiny top,

we're not thinking about it.

Her skin's purple and
decadent, but she's a woman.

She's older than me. Why would I care?

[buzzer rings]
- [laughs] Angela.

- Ursula's cl*t is a mean fish!

[cast and crew dying of laughter]

- I don't know who that point
goes to. Thank you, Paul.

- Give it to the Three
Amigos, why don't you?

- I'm gonna give it to all three of you.

- [Izzy] Oh, God.
- [Sam] How's that?

- Bubba Gump's cl*t lick.

- Yes! Yeah, yeah!
[crew laughing and clapping]

- Oh, Jesus Christ!

- Deadliest Catch: My taint and pubes.

- If I could please have our last sex toy.

- [Angela] Jesus f*cking Christ!

♪ Climb every mountain ♪

[buzzer rings]
- Izzy.

- Jeff Koons going in
a different direction.

[Sam, Angela, and crew laughing]

Highbrow.

[buzzer rings]
- Lisa.

- Ouch, daddy's home. [laughs]

- [laughing] You got yourself!

[buzzer rings]
Angela.

- A vibrator in "Monsters, Inc."

- Mike Wazowski.

- Yes, absolutely!
- Yeah!

- And that one, we will
say, goes to Angela.

Thank you, Paul, and thank you, Art Team.

- Paul can we give that a wiggle?

- Yeah, let us give it a-
- Yes, please.

- Come on, girls! Come on, girls!

[players giggling]

- Make Some Noise!

- This is what tampons look
like after having a baby,

am I right?

[smooth jazzy music]

- That brings us to round
two, where our players

will now test their
talents in teams of twos.

Angela.

- Okay.

- [Sam] And Lisa.

The contrast between a public story

and 'close friends' story.

- Hey, guys. [laughs]

I'm trying out mouth tape
for the first time tonight.

If you guys are trying it,

let me know in my DMs if this is any good.

I feel insane doing this.

- Hey, team, will you all interact

with that last post I just did?

Folks, I'm actually really
trying to get into that space.

That's actually just duct tape,

but really just like, like it and stuff.

- A lot of you guys are sending me DMs.

Like, tons of you guys are sending me DMs

about the mouth tape.

You guys are literally obsessed
with it, so I'm loving that!

And XOXO, Gossip Girl.

- Guys, I'm waiting for one of you

to pick me up from the airport.

Just like, waiting because the duct tape,

uh, mouth tape money
never came in. [laughing]

- Hey, a lot of you guys have been asking

why I've been at the
airport for a few days.

It's actually because

I am doing a paid sponsorship with LAX.

I'm feeling so blessed.

I'm doing kind of a brand deal with them,

so I'm gonna show you
guys around the terminals.

- It's been four f*cking days!

[buzzer blares]
[Sam giggling]

- Let's say 25 points for you both.

- Oh, that was boring.

- [whispers] If we're being
honest, it's more like 50.

- [whispers] Oh!

- That brings us to Lisa and Izzy.

- Izzy.

- [Sam] Bridezilla vs. Mechabridezilla.

[monster-like] - If someone comes
to my ceremony wearing white,

I will k*ll them. [mimics snapping neck]

[gruff screaming]

- Arietta! Oh my God!

[Lisa commandingly
humming "Bridal Chorus"]

[Izzy grunting]

[Izzy and Angela screaming]

[kaiju-like shrieking]

- If my mother-in-law comes,

I'll sh*t all over the venue!

[Angela screams]

[Izzy mimics weapon blasting]

[Lisa grunting from blast impacts]

- Oh my God!

- My bachelorette party's
gonna be in France,

and everyone must pay!

[Izzy mimics metallic parts clanking]

[Izzy mimics motor humming]

[Angela screams]

[normally]
- That sounds wonderful!

- Yeah, girl. It's really good to see you.

- Oh my gosh! I can't wait!

[buzzer blares]

- That was a great twist!



Izzy.

- Izzy.
- [Sam] And Angela.

- Mm, yeah!

- [Sam] Teaching Nana
how to surf the dark web.

- This is 4chan,

something you don't need to-
- Oh my God!

- No, no, no, no, no. You
don't need to know about that.

- Oh my God!

- Okay, you said before you die,

you wanted me to show you the dark web.

- To buy a bag.

- And you left that part out.

No, no!
- Oh my!

- That's not body parts for sale!

No, Nana! Nana, no!

[slapping] Nana, no!

- Just kidding. I'm looking more.

Wow!

- Stop!

[Sam laughing]

Do you like it?

- I love it.

- What do you mean?

- I think I wanna do more on here.

- Like what? I'm a part
of some communities that-

- What's going on with you?

[buzzer blares]

I don't know anything about
the dark web. Could you tell?

- Yeah, sending you
both 300 dark web points

for your personal computers.

Actually, maybe that's a bad idea.

I retract. I retract it.

Angela.

- Again?

- [Sam] And Lisa.

- Again?

- [Sam] The Virgin Mary on the
'Who's Your Daddy' podcast.

- Welcome to the show!

So we're literally dying to know,

were you actually pregnant or-?

- God.

- God what?

- God gave me the child.

- So God gives you the
child and just like,

you raise it by yourself.

God is so toxic and has
literally been toxic forever.

- Whoa. Never said that. [laughs]

- No red flags?
- No, no!

A green flag. A big, good flag.

- So he like, changed diapers

and like, helped you raise
the baby and everything?

- No, he wasn't there.

- Okay, so I guess that's just
like, where I'm coming at.

Like, if you're being left on your own

to raise Jesu Christo, like,
that's a lot of responsibility.

- I know. It sounds like I'm
being brainwashed, doesn't it?

- Yeah, it does really.
Like, he's gaslighting you.

- He is?

- But have you ever thought of
like starting your own thing?

Like, women now can start
podcasts. We can start religions.

- I could start my own religion?

- Of course! Can you pray for me?

- Lord Jesus, I'm praying for the host

of "Who's Your Daddy."

- Hey, babe. Mary.

I need a ride, remember? To my thing.

- Oh, it's Joseph, my husband.

- Yeah.

- Oh my God, you're seeing Joseph and God?

- No, God impregnated me.

- I told you to stop talking about that.

[buzzer blares]
- Oh!

- A rosary of points to you both.

Which brings us to Lisa and Izzy.

- [whispers] Izzy.

- An OBGYN preps a mother-to-be in a world

where babies sh**t out like a cannonball.

- So that is your 20-week checkup.

Everything is looking great.

Have you started any birth classes?

Is this...

- Oh no.

[Sam laughing]

- [Izzy] Hey, can you come back in?

- No, no, no.

- Can you come back in the room?

- No, no, no, no!

- That's my stuff.

- Oh no, no, no.
[Sam laughing]

No, no, no, no!

- Hey, stop!

- Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- Hey, stop.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- [Izzy] Hey, stop.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

- Do you want me to check you again?

- Yeah, it's coming out
like a cannonball, brother.

- No, no, it's not-

- Get your nurse to stand there!

- I-

- Get your nurse to stand there!

- Okay, you come, nurse.

So obviously the appointment isn't done.

- Yeah, uh-huh.
- Okay.

- It's coming out!

- I don't think it is.

- It's gonna k*ll whoever it hits!

- You aren't dilated.
You're 20 weeks, okay?

- Whoa!

- You seem really-

- Whoa!

- Doc, Doc, here's your helmet.

- What?

[Lisa mimics baby blasting]

[Izzy grunts]

[Lisa mimics air whooshing]

[Lisa mimics impact smashing]
[crew laughing]

- He's dead!

[Angela and Sam laughing]

[crew laughing and clapping]

Okay, this next prompt

is for Angela and Sam.
- Yay, Lisa!

- Now, this one's a bit of a Doozy.

- No, that's our next prompt!
[crew laughing]

[crew applauding]

[laughs] Let's say a
maternal amount of points

for the both of you, which brings us

to the last prompt of round two.

Izzy.

- Yes-zy.
- [Sam] And Angela.

- Okay.

- [Sam] It's time for your very own Doozy.

Showing up to a job interview

in one of those overly-personalized
T-shirts that says,

'Never mess with a middle
sister from Wisconsin

who is a Cancer/Leo cusp, can
hold a plank for 2 minutes,

and owns 2 crossbows.'

Oh, and before I forget.

[Lisa gasps]
[crew laughing]

- She gets to wear it?

- You can wear it.

- Whoever can catch me wears it!

[Sam and crew laughing]

[girlish shrieking]

[Sam-head test pattern beeping]

- She's small and she's fast.

[Izzy knocks on podium]

- Hey! Miranda, come on in.

[Sam laughs]

Okay, so, I guess I'll read that.

"Never mess with a middle
sister from Wisconsin

who is a Cancer/Leo cusp,

can hold a plank for 2
minutes, owns 2 crossbows."

Okay. Amazing, Miranda.

So let's talk about why
you wanna be a doula.

[Sam laughing]

- [Wisconsin accent] I love the stork.

- You love the stork?

- Yeah. I've always wanted
to meet the stork, so...

- It feels weird for you to
think babies comes from storks

'cause you're a middle sister, right?

- I'm in the middle, yeah.

Basically, my older
sister's older than me.

My younger sister is younger than me.

- Okay. You're strong.

You can hold a plank for two minutes?

- Oh yeah, I'm really strong.

Only in the arms. Not in the legs.

- Great. Well, Miranda,
let's put it to the test.

- Okay. You want me to do a plank?

- Two minutes.
- I'll do it right now. Okay.

You wanna know how I became so strong?

- How?

- Because I fight bears.

[Sam giggling]

Because when the stork
comes, he's really strong.

- Oh.

- And you gotta rip the
baby out of his arms.

You know, I have two crossbows.

- Oh.
- I got 'em on 4chan.

My grandma showed me how to do 4chan.

- Okay, well, I don't know
if you're the right fit

for a doula, Miranda.

- Midwife?

- Um, no, maybe something
with like, I don't know.

- Eat the placenta?

- A placenta fairy!

- You sound like a f*cking
idiot talking about fairies.

Now I'm-
- Whoa, Miranda,

I don't want any trouble, okay?

I-
- I'm gonna make you a shirt.

- Oh, what's my shirt gonna say?

- This little lady is
all wine and no whining,

and she's from...

Where are you from?

- I'm from Boston.

- From Boston. Boo.

[buzzer blares]
[Angela and Sam laughing]

- 44 points to anyone out there

who is this person we just described.

Which brings us to our
third and final minigame.

- Oh my God.

- This is a little minigame

that we like to call Hollywood h*!

How it works is, my players
will pitch me the names

of imaginary movie titles.

If I like the sound of that movie title,

I'll then ask them for
the logline to said movie.

If I like the sound of the logline,

I'll then ask them to enact
a scene from said movie.

Players, are you ready?

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

- Excellent.

- [All] Hollywood,
Hollywood, Hollywood h*!

- O.

- Orgasm Police.

[Lisa gasps]

No one's comin' for Mama.

- Whew!
[crew laughing]

- [All] Let's see it!

- [mimics impact smashing] Open up!

- Open the f*ck up!

- Ma'am, were you masturbating?

- [meekly] No, no!

- Okay, I believe her. Let's go.

[buzzer blares]
[crew laughing]

- [All] Hollywood,
Hollywood, Hollywood h*!

- H.

- Help Me:

This is my first time watching
the Betty White biopic.

I don't know what's
going on but I appreciate

and respect her as a
mother and a grandmother.

- Hell's Babies.

Not enough room in hell
for all these babies.

- [All] Let's see it!

- [mimics impact] Ma'am, did
you just give birth to a baby?

- Yes, it's Hitler!

[Lisa gasps]

- We're good.
- We're good.

- Wait!
- Could you imagine?

[Angela and Lisa mimic g*ns blasting]

[buzzer blares]

- [All] Hollywood,
Hollywood, Hollywood h*!

- S.

- Sanctum High.

- Silly Sara and Her Jeans.

- Scissor t*ts 2: Edward's Sister.

[Izzy laughing]

You've heard of Edward Scissorhands?

What about his sister's hands?

But it's not her hands. It's her t*ts.

- J.

- Jackass Thanksgiving.

You know 'em, you love 'em,

but are you grateful for 'em?

It's the boys! They're
back for Thanksgiving!

- [All] Let's see it!

- Someone stand there and
I'll throw this bag at you.

- Okay, it's me, your dad.

I'm gonna carve the turkey.
- All right, ready?

- Say what you're grateful for on three

and then she's gonna hit you.

- Okay.
- One.

- My family is alive.

- Three!

- Ow, my bad hip!

- Did it hurt?
- Ow, yes.

- Throw to me!

- Your turn. Say what you're
grateful for on three.

One,

six!
- Help me.

- Three.
[Lisa screams]

[Izzy groaning]
My turn, my turn, my turn!

- Ready?
- [Angela] Do it next.

- Say what you're grateful for.

- The fact that he fell and
it was funny. [chortles]

Oh!

[buzzer blares]

- [Lisa] It's really heavy, huh?

- [Angela] Yeah!

- Yeah, dude! [laughs]

- And that is a minigame!

[cheerful upbeat music]

Which brings us to round
three where our players

will now hold hands and jump
into the abyss together.

Angela.

- Yes.
- [Sam] Lisa.

- Yeah.
- [Sam] Izzy.

- Izzy.

- [Sam] Three Gorgons hype each other up

in the bar bathroom.

- Girlies!

- Oh, girlies!

- Oh, oh. [grunting]
- Oh yeah.

- I don't wanna go back out
there. He hasn't texted me back.

- Wait-

- Does anybody have lip liner for my hair?

- Yeah, I got you.

- For that snake up there.

Good, good, you're good-
- I'm getting all of them.

- Girlies, we're not
focusing on my problem!

- [Angela] Oh, sorry.

- Let's draft it together. Come on.

- We'll draft-
- Okay, fine.

- Voice to text.

[Izzy growls in Gorgon language]

- [Lisa] No, no, no, no.
- No, too-

[Lisa grumbles in Gorgon]

- No, if you put a period,

it's gonna look like you're a b*tch.

- Oh, okay.
- I don't know!

Maybe I'm just like, not meant for dating.

- Hey, don't say that!

- He looked at me and he turned to stone

and then my teeth came out of
my a*s and they chomped him up

and now he hasn't text me back.

- If I had a nickel for every
time teeth came out of my a*s

and k*lled a man, I'd
have a f*cking nickel.

It happened once.

[buzzer blares]
[Sam and crew laughing]

- Jesus Christ!

Nine points turned to stone
when you look at them.

Next up, Angela.

- Yes.
- [Sam] Lisa.

[Lisa gasps]
- [Sam] Izzy.

- Izzy.

- [Sam] Doomscroll-y,
Hyperfixated, and Touch-Starved

are added to the cast of 'Inside Out 3.'

- Hey, guys!
- How are ya?

- Oh, it's so good to see you!
- [Angela] How are ya?

- Oh my God! Oh, oh,
you guys, get in here.

It feels so good to be touched again.

- Oh my God, it does not
feel good to be touched.

There is measles everywhere,

you know what I'm talking about?

Have you seen all of the cases of measles

and the children who've died?

- Nothing affects me.

- No, no, you should really be affected

because we could all-
- Bored.

- get measles through
bird flu at any second.

- Bored. Can't handle it.

- Come in. Come in for a little hug.

[Angela grumbles]

Come on.

- Oh.

- Come on.

- We're gonna make this kid amazing.

[Sam laughing]

[buzzer blares]

- A 56% critics score, 76% audience score.

Next up, players, is a Round Robin.

What that means is I'm gonna ask for you

to take the back line of our stage

and step forward one at a time

and deliver your answers
as you come up with them.

Can't believe I was talked into this.

Titles for my memoir.

- I feel like only Lisa should go.

- We should just let her go.

- I mean, I'll just get it out of the way:

The Third Reich.

[crew laughing]

Someone was gonna say it at some point.

[Sam laughing]

- I Wear Tennis Shoes
With My Suit: A Story.

- [laughs] Truly, nobody likes it.

- Quiet Quitting: How to do Nothing

and Still Be Popular on the Internet.

[Sam and crew laughing]
- [Angela] Whoa!

- Where I'm Really From.

[Sam laughs]

- I Tricked My Wife and
You Can Trick Yours Too:

[Sam and Angela laughing]
The Sam Reich Story.

- Jesus f*cking Christ!

- Sam Reich: Ursula's Little cl*t.

[Sam laughing]

- Tummy Troubles.

- That's just factual.

- ¡Reich Caramba! Diary of a Mad Boy.

[Sam and crew laughing]

- From Reich to Riches:

How a Rich Boy Became a Rich Man.

[Sam and crew laughing and clapping]

[Angela laughing]

[Sam slamming table]

[buzzer blares]

- Jesus f*cking Christ, you three.

Hope you all enjoyed
that. 200 points to me.

Players, your last prompt of our game.

It's a Gift Prompt.
[bright cheerful music]

- Oh!
- Aw!

- Let's see who from.

- Hey, Angela, Lisa, and Izzy.

It's me, Ally, and I have
a gift prompt for you:

Wayyyy too sick to be on
'The Bachelor' right now.

- [Sam] Wayyyy too sick to be
on 'The Bachelor' right now.

- Girls, I'm so excited to
bring you on this two-on-one.

You're both really special to me.

I know that one of you

is gonna have to go at the end of this.

Are you both okay?

- [queasily] Jason, this time
in Tahiti has been amazing.

- Both of you are sort of swaying a lot.

- No, we're fine.

We had a bunch of w-
w- water from the tap,

and, um, we're feeling
hydrated and pretty.

- We should talk in the bathroom, Jason.

- Well, perfect because I
brought Morgan Wallen out

to do a concert for just us,

and we'll all gonna dance together.

- Oh.
- Close and slow.

- Mm.

[Lisa mimics dainty toot]

[players and Sam laughing]

[Angela retching]
Um...

- [Izzy] Oh my God.

- I'm sorry, I'm a burpy girl.

- Oh my god. Sorry, just a second, sorry.

- Are you...

- Oh, sorry.
- Oh my.

- Oh my God. Um-
- [Izzy] What is that?

- If I look at that for too long, I...

Oh no, oh no.

- Can I dip you?

- Oh my God, oh my God, oh
my God, oh my God, oh my God!

- Oh no, I'm gonna-

- Oh my, it's a trail.

- Oh my God, oh my God, oh
my God, oh my God, oh my God.

- You too? Wait, you're scooting in it!

- [Angela] Don't look at it!

- You're scooting in her trail!

- I'm being a really good girlfriend.

I'm hiding all your sh*t for you.

- What did you eat?
- Whoa! Whoa!

[buzzer blares]
- Catch us! Catch!

- Jesus Christ!

- One last time! Switcheroo!

[crew laughing]

[Lisa humming whimsical circus music]

Uh-oh!
- Oh!

[players laughing]

Oh no!
- I'm a klutz!

[players grunting]
[crew laughing]

- Which brings us to the end of our show!

Our winner tonight.

[paper rips]

[reluctantly] Lisa Gilroy.

- Oh! Oh!
- g*dd*mn it!

The machine said it.

You're the recipient-
- Thank you, Sam.

- of the coveted Golden Ear.

- Kiss!

- [Izzy & Angela] Kiss, kiss!

- [Players] Kiss, kiss, kiss!

[Lisa smooches]

- Yay!
- That's very sweet.

That does it for us here
at "Make Some Noise."

Tune in next time for
more of the Game Samer.

I'm Sam Reich, and that
sounds pretty good to me.

Good night.

[chill triumphant music]

[triumphant music fades]