01x06 - The Nels Stack Story

[bunniefuu]

MAJOR ADAMS: As wagon master,
I'd kept the train rolling

at a steady pace
the last few days.

I'd heard rumors
of Indian trouble.

I tried to keep it from
the members of the train,

but when we learned that
there was an Indian battle

going on up to the north of us,
word spread fast.

Flint McCullough, our scout,

Nelson Stack,
a former army colonel,

and myself rode on ahead...

What about it, Flint?

Bare feet.

We got unshod stock ourselves.

They're Indians.

Not a very big party, huh?

No, not big, but big
enough to give you trouble.

It's a raiding party.
How can you tell, Flint?

No squaws, travois, or dogs.

It's just ponies,
and they're traveling fast.

You think they will
give us trouble?

You never know with Indians.
They might.

You better go on ahead
and find out what you can.

All right, Major.

Keep your eyes open,
now, will ya?

Yes, sir!

The train's stopped.

I never knew it to fail...

Every time I turn my back,
something happens. Come on!

What's the matter
this time, Claymore?

Front axle again.

Broke clean in two, Major.

There's no fixin' it now.

Might as well unload and we'll
distribute your stuff in the other wagons.

Leave this wagon here.

I got a couple of spares.
I'll send one up.

I don't want nothin'
from you. Why not?

I don't want no Yankee charity.

Why don't you stop
talking like that?

The w*r is over, Mr. Claymore.
It's best forgotten.

It's easy enough
for you to forget.

You and your ten wagons
full of goods,

your twenty men working 'em...

You didn't lose a thing.

But I won't forget you,
you and your kind...

Burning, looting.

We had our fill of you
in Georgia.

I'm cutting the team loose,
Major.

The wagon stays... and the load.

Ain't nothin' worth anything,
anyways.

Hold a minute, Claymore...
Keep your hands off me!

Wait a second... Claymore!

I'm ready to fight him!

Well, Colonel?

I'm sorry, I can't oblige you.

I'll send the axle forward.

I'll put it on
myself. I said no!

I said yes, and I'm boss

of this wagon train,
if you'll remember that.

This is not a personal matter,
Claymore.

This wagon train's gotta stick
together for better or worse.

We gotta keep rollin'.

And if I was you, I wouldn't
take out after that Colonel Stack.

I've seen him in action.

You might just bite off
more than you can chew.

Get that thing lifted up.

Unload it, boys.

Help him unload his wagon.

I don't think that fella
Claymore likes you much.

He may give you
a little trouble.

Takes two to
make trouble, Major.

Hey, Major! That ain't
Indian smoke over there, is it?

No...

something's on fire.

Come on.

One lone wagon...

always a bad business.

How long ago, Seth?

Oh, a couple of hours, I figure.

They won't be back now.

You hit bad?

It's just a flesh wound,
don't worry about it.

Keep your hand off of it.
Let it bleed.

Indians? I don't think so.

If it was, they'd have
swarmed all over us by now.

Wait a minute, we'll see.

Hey, down there!

Hello!

Hold your fire! We're friends!

It's all right, it's all right.

I thought you were...

I thought they were coming back.

It's all right, ma'am.

Were these your folks?

My mother...

father...

my little brother.

All of them.

There was nothing I could do.

I was down by the stream
getting water...

when they came, howling.

I hid.

It was all I could do.

How come you're way out here?
One wagon, all alone?

We left the train. Turned back.

My father was scared
by the Indian talk.

They warned us, but he
was afraid that we would...

How many of them was there?

I couldn't tell. I had to stay
hidden until they were gone.

I didn't know
what I'd find, but...

I didn't think all of them...

We better get her
back to the train.

Come on, miss. Come on.

You'll be all right.

ADAMS: And so we commit
these untimely dead,

these dearly departed souls,

to thy care, O Lord,

so that they may rest
forevermore in thy arms.

May God have mercy
on their souls.

Amen. Amen.

Start loading up, folks.

That's a lonely place
to leave them.

It's always a lonely place
where we leave our loved ones.

I'm ashamed about your arm.

You shouldn't be.
You're a pretty good shot.

Does it hurt?

It'll be all right
in a day or two.

CLAYMORE: What do you figure
to do about this,

Major Adams?

Do about it?

What would you
do about it, Claymore?

Some of us here would like
to take out and track 'em down.

And when you found 'em,
supposin' you could find 'em?

Wipe 'em out, of course.

Or else get wiped out
yourself, huh?

No, no. There'll be no
tracking down, Claymore.

We want just as little
fighting as is necessary.

Seems like we got
plenty of peaceable men.

That we have,
and I'm one of 'em.

I'm charged with getting
this wagon train to the coast,

now with fighting Indian wars.

But that poor girl's people
was m*rder*d!

If it was me,
somebody'd pay for it.

It don't happen
to be you, Claymore.

Miss, I'm real sorry about this,

but for the sake of
the people and the train,

I understand. We
just gotta move on.

You'll have to
come with us, I reckon,

until we come across a
freighter that can get you back.

Back?

Don't you want to go back
to your hometown? Relatives?

I've got nothing to
go back to Virginia for.

We were heading for California.
That's where you're going.

I'll go along, if you'll let me.

Sure, ma'am,
you're welcome to come.

I'll work. Cook, sew, wash.

Help out any way.

Maybe with some folks
with children.

That won't be necessary.

You can hitch a ride
on one of my wagons.

CLAYMORE: She'll go with
the Hawks' wagon.

Miss Hawks here
will take care of her.

Why, sure, honey.
You just come along with us.

She's our kind.
Comes from Virginee.

We'll take care of our own.

That all right with you, ma'am?

Anything.

Thank you just the same,
Mr. Stack.

You're welcome, I'm sure.

All right, folks, let's roll!

Get ready to roll, everybody!

Never seen it to fail, Major.
Yeah, Charlie, what's that?

Pretty women cause trouble.

That Claymore's been itching
for a reason to fight Stack,

and now he's got it.

I don't know, Charlie,
maybe you're right.

Colonel Stack, too. He's changed
some. What do you make of that?

Well, I don't know.
Wish I could find out.

Let's get rollin', Charlie.
Come on. Right, Major.

Wagons...

h*!

Sioux.

Eight or nine
of them young bucks.

Probably coming in to trade...
And to scout us.

Major, we can cut 'em down
real easy

when they got in close.

They're coming in peaceable.

Only because
they're outnumbered.

If it was the other way around,
they wouldn't give us no chance.

That's true, Major.

Leave 'em alone.
Just keep your g*ns ready.

Major Adams,

this might be the bunch
that hit Laura Cullen's family.

That's right, it might.

And you still won't let us
clean 'em out?

I won't.

Where you going, Claymore?

To get Miss Cullen.

If this is the bunch,
I want to know it.

I don't think that's necessary.

Did you ever think maybe
she'd like to know, too?

And see her family revenged?

We ain't all turning
the other cheek like you.

Get your hands off my horse!

Heeyah!

All right, bucko.
What do you want?

Friend.

Sure. I know. Friend.

Horse.

Trade.

No. No trade horse.

You come Sioux hunting ground,

buffalo go!

You give Sioux horse.
Many horse.

No. Give Sioux nothing.

If they need horses
to hunt the buffalo,

maybe we oughta let them
have a few.

Not these young bucks, Colonel.

They've had a taste of blood,
and they like it.

If they know that
we're ready to fight,

maybe they'll leave us alone...
maybe they won't.

You give sweet water.

No.

No give coffee,
no whiskey, no nothing.

You go.

- Git!
- You recognize

any of 'em, ma'am, you tell me.

I don't want to see them.

Leave her alone,
Claymore. Keep out of it!

Now take a real
good look, ma'am.

I don't know. I can't
tell. Maybe they are.

Did you hear that, Mr. Stack?

That don't mean a thing.

All Injuns look alike
till you get used to 'em.

Gettin' used to 'em can take too
long. You can be dead by then.

Now, look real close, ma'am.

Take your time
and look real close.

What kind of a man are you?

It was her folks they m*rder*d!

She got a right to know!

I don't know!

I don't know! Leave me alone!

I don't want to know!

I didn't mean anything.

All I wanted was a chance
to pay 'em back

for what they did to her folks.

We don't know
if they're the ones.

They're all the same!
Why don't you cool off.

You'll get your chance,
they'll come back.

And when they do,
it won't be to talk.

Evening, Mrs. Hawks.

Evening, Colonel.

How is she? Better now.

Good.

Good evening.

Good evening.

I was wondering if there's
anything I can do for you.

No, thank you.
Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

I'm glad you're feeling better.

I made a spectacle, acting up
like that in front of everybody.

Oh, I don't know, I...

I think anyone would have reacted
the same way under the circumstances.

Major Adams was right...
They do all look alike.

Well, Maybe we look
the same to them, too.

I guess it all depends
on who's looking at whom.

Yes, that's true.

Yeah.

Do you have any friends
in California?

No, I don't.

You see, my father
was a strange man.

We're Virginians
from a-way back,

but he was always
against the w*r,

and he didn't care who knew it.

That didn't make him
too popular...

Not in a small town.

And then my older brother
was k*lled at Antietam.

He couldn't take any more.

He sold his pharmacy,
and we just left.

The w*r, it...

changes a lot of things,
a lot of people.

Where were you going
in California?

We had no plans.

My father just wanted
to get away.

Your father sounds like
quite a man.

Quite a man. I think
I'd have liked him.

And I know he would
have liked you.

Why? Because I've heard
you're something like a Quaker.

You won't fight.

And my father respected
a man with principles.

What do you think
of a man like that?

I don't know.

I know I'm not like that.

I fight.

Yes... yes, you do, at that.

Think they might attack?

I don't reckon so.

They know what our strength is.

But they do need horses, they
might try sneaking off with a few.

So you better keep your eyes
peeled. We'll do our best, Major.

That Major Adams...
Thinks he knows everything.

We coulda cut 'em down right
then and there when we had 'em.

Why start something
when you don't have to?

Use your head, man!

They didn't come
to trade horses,

they came to scout us.

Now all we can do
is sit here and wait

until they start
creeping up on us.

Who's there?!

FLINT: Relax! It's me!

Ain't you got a name?
Flint McCullough.

See any sign of that raiding
party? Where's Major Adams?

He's around checking
us outriders.

Round up your stock and
get 'em inside the circle.

I'll find the major.

What did I tell ya?

Aw, you talk too much.
Let's get the stock.

Yeeahh! Whoo-hoo!

I won't tell you people
it's not serious. It is.

Plenty serious.

The whole Sioux nation
is stirred up.

Right now they're on
the warpath for the Pawnees,

but the Sioux like to fight.

Once they get a taste for blood,

they're liable to attack anybody
who gets in their way.

This raiding party
is traveling fast.

That means they've gotta pick
up food and horses as they move.

That means the wagons are gonna
be a big temptation to 'em,

so stay close together.

If you lag behind, they'll
sweep in and pick you right off.

That goes for everybody,

both in the camp
and on the trail.

What I'd like to know, Clint,
is can we get through?

I think if you can get to the other
side of the river, you'll be all right.

How do you figure that?

The buffalo are feeding
mainly on this side.

The Sioux won't want to get that
far away from their main food supply.

It's a pretty tricky river.
Depends on how high it is.

Have you seen
any cavalry at all?

No, I didn't see any,

and there may not be
any patrols short of the fort.

That's three or four days away.

I still think
we oughta try it, though.

I'll try, all right, Major.
That's my job.

Well, Flint, if you're tired,
I can get somebody else.

Don't worry about me,
Major. I'll get through.

But don't you waste any time

if you want to get across
the river before they hit you.

We won't. Good luck.

Thanks.

I want every wagon hitched up
at dawn, hitched up and ready.

No stragglers, absolutely,
that means everybody.

All right? Right, Major.

CLAYMORE: Wait a minute!

There's something I want to say.

It's time somebody said it.

Now, you heard him.
We might have to fight.

Now, we got a man here
who's shown he won't.

What about him
and his ten wagons of goods?

Or does he expect us
to do his fighting for him?

If any of the others feel that
they're being taken advantage of

I'd just as soon cut out

and continue on alone
with my wagons.

The train stays together.
That was the original agreement.

It was also the agreement that
everybody shares the defense.

Claymore, Colonel Stack's
got twenty men...

All of 'em single,
all of 'em good shots.

You were might glad to have
'em when they joined up with us,

even though the Colonel made no
bones about not bearing arms hisself.

I'm not about to ask him to
go against his conscience now.

Us neither, Major.

Then let's don't hear another
word about it. None of ya.

You got that? No more.
Go on back to your posts.

Thanks, Major.

Colonel Stack,

the battles a man fights with
hisself is nobody's business...

Not mine, nobody else's.

I got work to do.

Hold your fire. Wait
for me to sh**t first.

Hold you fire, boys,
till after I do.

Let's get 'em! You stay here.

We beat 'em! We cleaned 'em out!

I'm going to get some souvenirs!

Here's something.

STACK: Hamilton!

Leave him.

Look out!
That one's still alive!

I'll fix him.

All right,
you yellow-bellied Yankee.

You sat around while we were
trying to save your hide,

and now you're feeling
real big again.

Well, let's just see
how big you really are.

Come on!
I've been waiting for this!

I'm sorry, Claymore.

Oh, no. No. You ain't
gonna crawl out of it this time.

You're gonna fight
whether you want to or not!

Been enough fighting
around here tonight!

Now, you cut it out!

Well, there she is.
There's our river.

Uh-oh. What's the matter, Major?

Looks low.

It looks low. Better'n
being high, I guess.

No, sir.
You don't know this river.

That bottom out there is full of mud
and sand and probably quicksand.

We want it high enough
to float our wagons.

If we don't find a crossing,
we're in trouble.

Well, Colonel,
did you locate anything?

I looked for miles
up the river. Nothing.

Same downriver.
We probed every inch.

If there's a crossing,
we can't find it.

Looks like we're stuck for good.

Well, if we can't find a
crossing, we'll build one.

With what?

There's plenty of trees
around here, and brush.

Put everybody to work cutting
and tying it up in bundles,

we'll haul it down there
and lay it across.

It might work, at that. Sure.

It better work fast.
Take a look.

We're trapped.

It's sinking as fast
as we put it down,

soon as we put any weight on it.

Don't lose heart, Mr. Corey.

We haven't set
enough down yet to tell.

How's it going, Colonel?

We might be able to do it
if we had a week or two.

See any more signs
of those Indians?

No, they were just scouts.

I recognized that one buck.

The same ones that came
to try to trade horses with us.

But the main bunch
can't be too far off.

Hold it, Claymore!

You get a good look at them?

Same bunch of bucks that was on
this side of the river not four hours ago.

That means there's
a crossing here someplace.

Maybe if we find their tracks,
we can find the crossing.

You head down the river,
I'll go on up. Hop to it.

Find anything, Seth?

No, no crossing.

Found out where
they went in the river,

but they get pretty smart.

Ride out into the shallows and
then veer off, and you lose 'em.

You'd think a crossing would show
some trail in the brush or something.

They never go into the
river twice in the same way.

Besides, the way the sand
in this river shifts around,

they use a different
crossing every year.

That cavalry don't show up,
we're in trouble.

Forget it for now and load up.

Eat plenty. No telling how much
cooking around here tomorrow.

That Flint McCullough.
I could k*ll him.

Never around when you need him.

Why couldn't he be here now
when we want him?

You call that coffee?

That ain't coffee.
That's the dishwater.

Howdy, Sergeant.
Howdy. Who are you?

Name's McCullough.

I ride scout for
the Adams wagon train.

Am I glad to see you.
Where's your train now?

I'm not sure. I hope
at the river crossing.

You know the Sioux
are out? Too well.

That's why I'm looking
for the army.

Where's your commanding
officer? He's out.

He's chasing the largest party of
Sioux up north. Can't give you any help.

There must be
somebody at the fort.

Only a handful, for defense.

You think I like
a five-man patrol?

I've gotta get some help, Sergeant.
How long since the troop left?

Days. You'd be lucky
if you found 'em.

Well, five men
are better than none.

Will you ride with me?

My orders are
to patrol this area.

I'm afraid your train's
gonna have to defend itself.

Thanks.

Get your horses tied off
at the picket line, boys.

Each mess fire I want a
guard detail of three men.

Oh, Mr. Stack.

You know, it really is amazing...

No matter what
the circumstances,

women still manage
the simple, ordinary,

everyday things of living.

It's been a long time since
there was enough water for this.

Mr. Stack,
we spoke about principles...

I don't understand yours.

What is it you don't understand?

You refused to help
defend the train.

But last night you defended
a wounded Indian.

I see no need in senseless
k*lling, Miss Cullen.

Was there any sense in
the k*lling of my parents

or of my little brother?

No, of course not.

And if you'd been there, would
you have picked up a g*n?

I don't know.

I'm deeply sorry
about your family.

We all are, all of us.

But at least the Indians
who m*rder*d them are savages,

and they treat each other
just as cruelly.

But amongst them,
there's no hypocrisy...

They don't preach humanity today,
and slaughter each other tomorrow.

Doesn't every man have a
right to defend his own life

and the lives of those
he loves? I don't know.

I do know that
k*lling is a contagion.

Well, perhaps there's nobody
you care enough for...

Not even yourself.

There's a lot of hate
in the world, Miss Cullen.

A man has to live with it...
and learn to control it.

Is that what it was last night
with Mr. Claymore?

Or was it just plain fear?

Isn't that what it was,
Mr. Stack? Fear?

You may be right.

HAMILTON: Colonel Stack!
Colonel Stack!

Colonel Stack! One
of our cows is missing.

Well, go look for him.
I gotta go downriver again.

What's all the hollering about?
It's one of the Colonel's cows.

It ain't strayed, it was
stole. The rope's cut.

And there's footprints.
Are you sure?

Yeah, and they ain't made by
boots. They're moccasin prints.

Better take a look. Right, Seth.

Yup.

Well, he's right.

One Indian, Sioux...

walkin' slow and careful.

I don't like these tracks.
Something funny about 'em.

Think it might be a trap?

Well, I don't know.
We'll go ahead easy.

Maybe you better stay back.

It's my cow. Well,
come on, then.

Yep, it's dead.

Choice meat taken.

Major.

He's all right. Just passed out.

Probably from overwork, cuttin'
himself a hunk of that meat.

He looks older than the hills.

Yeah. They left him behind.

They do that sometimes,

when they get too sick
or too old

to follow along
with the w*r trail...

Just leave 'em behind to die.

He's half-dead now from
starvation. He ain't gonna starve.

He comes to, he's gonna
have a whole steer to eat.

Yours.

Can't just leave him here,
Major.

What do you figure to do?

He's sick, he needs help.
Let's take him back to camp.

Do you think he'll
thank you for that help?

He's a human being, isn't he?

Colonel, he's an
Indian and a Sioux.

He don't think like you and me.

You take him back to camp,

he'll think he's your prisoner
and he'll hate you for it.

You'll be in danger
every minute of the time,

and so will the rest of us.

You'll have to tie him up.

The only think to do is leave him
here to die of his own orneriness.

He don't mind being
left behind. He expects it.

Major, he's sick
and he needs help.

I'll take the responsibility.

Well, maybe you know what
you're doing, I don't know.

But you know what the rest
of 'em are gonna think and do,

don't you? I wash my hands
of the whole thing.

All right.

Colonel, you're a fool.

Give me a hand.

Colonel...

you better watch
that old fellow,

take that knife away from him.

He'll stick it in your back
before you can wink an eye...

Slit your throat, take your
scalp, and dance off with it.

You still don't believe me, huh?

Watch this.

You, give me the meat.

Give me the meat.

Seth. Seth!

Why didn't you
go ahead and do it?

Let me have him.

Stay out of this, Claymore.

I knew you were crazy, Stack,

but this time
you've gone too far.

I wouldn't expect you
to understand, Claymore...

but some of the others
of you should.

He's an old man.
He's sick, he needs help.

He's a murdering savage

who's took the hair
of decent white folks.

He don't deserve to live!

All right, here we are,
waiting for them to attack,

and we got one of 'em
right here in camp!

Spying! Just waiting a chance
to do some devilment!

Stack ain't even
got him tied up!

He's treating him like royalty!

Right, Corey!
MAN: Let's get rid of him!

I for one don't want no Sioux
runnin' loose in this camp!

He could m*rder us all
in our sleep!

Your women and kids!

I don't want no Indian...
Not even one old man...

Behind my back when
I'm fighting for my life!

Now, what about it, Major?

You ain't happy to him here,
are you?

No, I can't say I am.

Right! Nobody is!

Well, why don't we
do something about it?

What's stopping us... Stack?

You ain't afraid
of Stack, are ya?

He don't even wear a g*n.

He don't even fight
with his fists!

Ohh. So what are we waiting for?

Hold on just a minute.

What's the matter, Miss Laura?

That quilt over there...

my mother made it.

Bring me a rope! Wait a minute!

Listen to me.

The old man couldn't have
had part in the raid... he's too old.

Supposin' somebody did give him a
blanket and leave him behind to die,

what does that prove?

We've had a bellyful
of your preachin'!

So now you will fight...
for a rotten Injun!

I'll k*ll you.

Stack! Colonel!

Come on, cut it out!

Listen to me, will ya?!

I'm sorry, Seth.

It's all right, Colonel.

He had it comin' to him anyhow.

Sure wish I could
figure you out, Colonel.

Here you held yourself back
all this time,

took everything you did
from that fella Claymore,

and by golly,
you darn near k*lled him.

How is he, Seth?
Oh, he's all right.

But I really think you oughta
get rid of that old Indian.

We got enough trouble without
him causing us any more.

Yeah, could be.

Thanks, Wooster.
My pleasure, Colonel.

You saved his life.
What more do you want?

He still ain't the same man
that got all them medals

at Mechanicsburg
and them places.

Who is, Charlie...

who is?

Hamilton, put some food in a sack
and get one of the horses, will ya?

You riding somewhere, Colonel?

No...

but he is.

You ain't throwing away one
of them fine animals of yours?

Do as I say, will ya?

I'm sorry, I...
I can't help you any more.

You're going to have go go.

Ah, you don't understand me.

I wish your people and
my people could be friends.

Then there'd be no more
k*lling or violence, hatred.

Maybe one day
they will be friends

and live together and work
together and help each other,

but...

I guess that's a long time away.

Here you are, Colonel.

Give him his knife.

Not even a thank you.

You've changed your mind,
Mr. Stack?

After what happened
with Mr. Claymore, I...

I don't see much sense
pretending.

Especially if I can't
practice what I preach.

I don't suppose
it matters, anyhow.

It matters to me.

I've been thinking a lot
about you, Mr. Stack...

and I want to understand.

I can understand
why you hate w*r and k*lling...

Nobody likes it.

But there's something more.

What is it? It's hard
to put into words.

Please try.

It's like I was trying
to tell you the other day...

A man is his own worst enemy.

I spent four long years
in the w*r.

I suppose I was a good soldier,

no better or no worse
than anybody else...

I followed orders, did as I
was told unquestioningly.

Then one day I heard
myself howling like a mad dog.

I had my hands around
a Confederate officer's throat.

When I came to my senses,

I realized I was
choking a dead man.

How awful.

Right after that
I asked for a desk job.

I got it. I swore I'd never
k*ll anybody again, ever.

And that I'd... try not to hate.

But it's not always easy.

And you're going to
let Claymore defeat you?

Why, you're ten times
the man he is.

I'm glad you understand.

Yes, I do.

MAN: Injuns!

Injuns!!!

There's a raiding party coming!

How long do we got?
Half hour, maybe. No more.

All right, everybody,
get your stock inside!

Barricade your wagons!

Get the women and
children under cover!

Unload everything!

Unload every wagon!

Get your barricades up!

Hurry it up, boys! Move!

Hey, Stack!

Take a look at
your Injun friend now!

And that's your horse
he's riding! Serves you right!

I'll tell you when to sh**t!

I gave him that horse, Seth.

You shoulda given him a dozen.

You realize what he's doing?

He's going across!
He's not sinking in!

There's a crossing there!
He's showing us the crossing!

Get it staked before we lose it!

Everybody, get your
wagons ready to roll!

Come on, we're gonna roll!

Hurry it up! Move!

Heeyah!

Aha!

Ha ha ha!

Seth, here they come!

Come on! Yee-hah!

Hang on! We'll
get you out of this!

Please be careful!

Maybe I've got
a reason to be now!

Last wagon's in the water,

and somebody's circling
them up on the other side.

That's Colonel Stack.

We can lay enough fire
on that crossing

they won't make
but one try at it.

Not today, anyhow.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

If we get out of this, you know
who you got to thank for it, don't you?

Maybe. But I don't
have to like him.

Nobody asked you to like him.

Come on, let's get across!
Come on!

Go on, say it.

But the next time
you want your army,

you go after 'em yourself.

Maybe you can
pull your rank on 'em.

All I was gonna say was is
that you missed a good fight.

Yeah.

Say, Flint, if you
happen to need anything,

Wooster there has got some
special salve for saddle sores...

Made up outta bear grease
and red pepper! Ha ha!

Ha ha. You think
you're so funny.

Wooster, yo! Where's
this bear grease you got?

WOOSTER: Got it right here.