01x01 & 01x02 - Fix That Tape/Skips' Luau

[bunniefuu]

[birds chirping]

[pigeons cooing]

[birds chirping]

[up-tempo music playing]

Time for another perfect day.

[laughs whimsically]

Hello!

-Hi!
-How are you?

Hello, Gail.

Hi, Pops!

Hey, Pops. Come check out
the new zip line.

It's dangerously fun.

[laughing]

Oh, I will, right after
I grab a bite to eat.

I'm so glad
my evil brother turned good.

[munching]

[chuckles with glee]

-You win.
-You win.

-High score.
-You win.

High score.

Oh, now time
for my favorite activity.

[laughs whimsically]

[laughs]

Now clean up this mess
or you're fired.

[laughs heartily]

[groans]

[laughing continuously]

Dudes, take my picture with...

-[grunts]
-[Pops laughing]

[chanting] Pops! Pops! Pops!

[all screaming]

For these mini toes.

[both] How much?

Again! Again!

[both] How much?

[laughing continuously]

[both] How much?

[audio failing]

[gasps]

[whimpering]

[fizzle]

[grunts]

[groans]

[grunts]

[sobbing]

[screams]

[grunts]

Bad show.

Now tell me, Gail,
what would you say

is one of your
happiest memories?

Well, one time I found a deal

on nearly expired packs
of chicken tortilla soup.

I'd love rewatching that one.

Two for one?
Oh, I gotta get this.

A beautiful memory
worth upgrading for.

-Just sign here and--
-[doorbell rings]

Oh, who could that be?

You don't want to
miss this deal,

[sighs in exasperation]

[Gail] Oh, Pops. What happened?

Oh, Gail? My memory tape broke
and I can't seem to fix it.

[playing harmonica]

Did somebody say memory tape?

This is my neighbor, Pops.

Pops Maillard.

Ah, yes. I was just about to
come see you next.

Look at you.

You saved me some time
by coming to see me.

-Oh, I did?
-The name's Jampft.

Ja-ampft?

Jampft Grimpfton.

Just another man
pushing full time.

That's a bit of sales lingo
pushing product.

But enough about me.

Sounds like you have
a problem with your tape.

Oh, you can fix my tape?

Well, in a way.

You give me your tape

and I'll digitize
or transfer all your memories

and stream them directly
to your TV for instant access.

We call it Jampfting,

joining all memories
and preserving faulty tapes.

Your friend Gail
was just about to sign up.

-Isn't that right, Gail?
-Oh, what the heck!

Time to get with the times,
I guess.

And your tape, please.
We can't Jampfted without it.

Gail: of course.
where's my head?

Now, will I get this back or...

No, there's no need for this
cumbersome piece of plastic

after the Jampfting process.

Okay, Pops,

if you sign right here,
we can get you back

to watching your memories
in no time.

Hmm?

But I like my tape.
I don't want to get rid of it.

I just want it fixed.

[straining quietly]

I'm right there with you, Pops.
I'm a bit old school too.

So I want you
to think about it.

And when you change your mind,

you just call me right up
and we'll go from there.

How does that sound?

Okay.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
gotta keep pushing along.

[playing harmonica]

"Jampft Co. The future
of remembering the past."

[keyboard clacking]

-[bell chiming]
-Pops: Excuse me.

Can I get another memory tape?

Oh, sorry.

They only give you one
when you get here.

We don't have copies.

Well, in that case,

my tape is broken
and I need it fixed.

Surely you understand.

Well, us concierge workers

were brought into existence
to do just this.

And all our memories
are concierge related,

so I don't exactly get it.

But I see that you're sad,
and that makes me sad.

Why don't you try
the recordkeeping department?

That was a very long sentence.
Thank you.

[Pops] Hello there.

I'm looking to
get my tape fixed.

Oh, uh...

I'm not really trained to
do that.

We have plenty
of other tapes, though.

You can check out some classics
or some employee favorites.

Or maybe a new release.

It's exactly what you think
it's gonna be.

Thank you, but I don't want
to watch Deez video.

I want to enjoy my tape
with my memories.

I don't think we have that one,
and I can't really fix tapes.

But if my tape can't be fixed,
I can't see my friends again.

And if I can't see my friends
again, I could forget them.

Listen, man. There are
a few tapes in the back.

You can go check to see
if there's a copy of yours.

-In the back?
-Yeah.

Back there.

I gotta stay out here
'cause, like, I'm swamped.

You got a copy
of Planet Starlight

Chase Is Excellent?

See?

Anyway, if you want to
look for yours,

you can check in back.

I think I will.

Thank you, my good man.

[eerie music playing]

Oh, my...

No, no, that's not it.

-[screams]
-[objects clattering]

[gasps]

Thank you for saving my life.

Mister...

Barry Sliceman,
pro disk golfer.

Disk golf?

Well, ex-pro disk golfer,
I guess.

Ever since I got this injury.

[gasps]

Word of advice,
when your buddy Kent

is slinging choppers
down the fairway,

do not get in their way,
brother.

Oh, that's good advice,
I suppose.

My name is Pops Maillard.

See you, Pops Maillard,

I got a memory tape
to find. [grunts]

Wait, I'm looking
for my memory tape too.

Maybe we can work together.

Two heads are better than one.

And in your case, brother,
more like five heads.

-[laughs]
-Am I right? I'm right.

[both laughing]

We've been running around
and searching.

[shushes] We're being watched.

What's that, Pops?
My laces are untied.

I totally could've tripped
or something.

That could have been really...

Tomahawk!

Who are you?

[VHS man talking]
Who I am is not important.

But you...

You are looking for something,

Pops Maillard.

Yes. I'm looking for my bin
to find my tape.

[VHS man laughing]

To uncover the secrets
of the bins,

you must remember this tune.

[sings] ♪ A, B, C, D,
E, F, G... ♪

-Alphabetical?
-I want to say alphabetical.

[continues] ♪ ...Figure out
my sequence and... ♪

[both] Alphabetical.

[VHS man]
Yes, alphabetical.

-Oh, I knew what is that.
-Yes, the letters in their...

-[Barry] Yep. Mm-hm.
-But you must make haste,

lest your memories
be Jampftsed.

[intense music playing]

[both gasp]

Two for one!
Oh, I gotta get this.

[audio fading]

[engine whirring]

This doesn't seem good.

Pops, check it out.

[Pops gasps] My bin!

We gotta move now.
How are we gonna get past them?

Leave it to Pops.

-[objects clattering]
-[gasps]

Whoa, sick.

Hey, are those unwrapped
old timey lollipops

that you found on the ground?

-Yeah,
-[all cheering]

Get one and... [indistinct]

Oh, yeah!

[both straining]

POPS: No, no, no.

It's empty.

Are you sure
there's nothing up there?

Wait, I see something else.

[Pops gasps]
There's more tapes.

I've never seen these before.

Grab them.
We don't have much time.

[Jampft workers chanting]
Lick! Lick! Lick!

Oh, I got the perfect thing.

[grunts]

Check out this huge sack.

Ooh!

[chanting continues]
Lick! Lick! Lick!

[Barry on tape]
Nice play, brother.

-[on tape] Dude. Thanks, dude.
-Kent?

[both] Rolinco!

[Barry on tape] Ha!

That's the memory tape
I've been looking for!

Shot, that is part four.

We were so young.

Just a couple of dudes
whipping our disks out.

Dude, I'm gonna
remember this forever.

[audio fading]

[engine whirring]

Kent!

[screams] No!

[chanting interrupted]
Lick! Lick!

What the... Hey!

[screams]

-Undercut!
-[groans]

Buzz Cut!
Jerry Curl! Roll Over!

Barry, that was incredible.

Pops, you need to run.

No matter how mightily
they are thrown,

flying disks
are still made of plastic.

It won't be long
till they wake up.

Pops, I want you to have this.

A glow in the dark,
non-branded flying disk.

It's a beacon.

Follow it
and it'll take you home.

And go.

I'll never forget you, Barry.

This is for Kent, and for Pops,

and that soup lady.

-[grunts]
-[Barry screams]

[Pops panting]

-[tires screeching]
-[panting]

[gasps]

[gasps]

[music playing]

Dude, can't you
drive any faster?

We gotta dump
this trizzash at the dizzump

so we can go
to Skips' leeuw-owww!

Oh, yeah.

Gonna cool down in luau town.

We're gonna loo up,
down and around.

♪ Take the trash to the dump
And drive a bit further...♪

♪ To-to take a bite
Of the luau burger ♪

♪ Luau!♪

[both] ♪ Luau!♪

Geez, Skips.
You don't have to brutalize it.

The harder the pound,
the juicier the round.

Well, I, for one,
cannot wait to sample

your meaty patties...

in my mouth.

Just as long as there's enough
meaty patties for everyone.

I hope you remembered,

I'll be bringing
a plus one tonight.

I actually rented a motorcycle

per my therapist's
recommendation.

-[Skips whistles]
-Oo-oo.

And you know what?

I have a really
good feeling about--

[Mordecai and Rigby] ♪ Luau! ♪

[both giggling] ♪ Luau! ♪

-Whoa!
-Straight the wheel.

I'm trying.

-Dude pump the brakes!
-I am. I am!

[both grunts]

[bottles clinking]

[both groaning]

Mordecai! Rigby!

Oh! Hey, Benson.

You had one job.
Take out the trash.

You probably shouldn't
have told us about the luau.

Yeah. How are we
supposed to not crash the cart

with the luau coming up?

[both] ♪ Luau ♪

Stop that! You know what?

You two just got your
wheel privileges revoked!

And I'd better not
see you two at Skips' luau

until all this trash
is at the dump.

But that's all the way
on the other side of the park.

Not my problem.

[groans] Whatever, man.
We can just use my sick bi-ike.

I literally just told you two,
no wheels.

What about my skateboard?

A skateboard has wheels.

What about this thingy?

What's-- Where did you--
[groans exasperatedly]

Listen, if you two
so much as look at a wheel,

you're fired.

[Benson straining]

Dude, this is
gonna be impossible.

Yeah. Let's go get burgers
somewhere else.

[Skips] You're not gonna want
to miss these burgers.

I got a secret ingredient.

-Wha?
-Two words.

Pie...

[both] Huh?

...napple.

[both] Pineapple?

Dude, we gotta
get those burgers.

[straining]

[grunting]

[grunts] This is gonna
take forever.

Check it, dude.

We could just borrow
this barrel real quick.

And, boom! Job's done.

-Wait. What the--
-[car screeching]

No wheels.

[both] Come on, Benson.

This is impossible.
How are we supposed to--

-[phone buzzing]
-Shut up. I'm getting a call.

Gretchen. Hey!

Luau starts at 7:00.

I can't wait
for you to try the burgers.

They have pineapple on them.

Play your cards right,

there might be
two extras for you.

[Benson laughs maniacally]

What's that? Oh.

[stammers]
I just heard a funny joke.

I have a naturally cruel laugh.

[groans]

Hey!

Ugh! Sick!

The lid was still on, man,
I'm not an animal. [slurps]

-[Mordecai] Dude, Stop!
-[gags]

We've only got a few hours
to move a million bags of trash

and you're wasting it
eating expired...

Wait, did you see this?

"Send in 600 pudding tops
and get a free hovercraft.

Plan for fun!"

A hovercraft, dude!

Air isn't wheels.

It's the ultimate loophole.

We get the hovercraft,
cruise the trash to the dump

and, boom,
pineapple burgers in our faces.

I bet the Snack Shack
has a ton of this stuff.

[both salivating]

[both] Oh, yeah!

[Rigby] Read it and weep, baby.

[Mordecai]
Six hundred pudding tops.

Hovercraft, please.

Congratulations.
I have your prize right here.

One hovercraft plan
as advertised.

Huh? No, it says right here.

"Collect 600 tops,
win a free hovercraft."

"Plan for fun."

Oh, no, see, it says,

"Send in 600 pudding tops
and get a free hovercraft plan.

"For fun!"

Dude, this is totally
false advertising.

Oh, is it?
Is it false advertising?

Because you don't know
how to read

deliberately confusing copy?

We're not crying.
We'll take your stupid plans.

Come on, Rigby.

We're gonna make
something even better

than your dumb hovercraft.

[dance music playing]

[motor whirring]

[laughs maniacally]

I got you, bros.

Dude, we look...

awesome!

Rigby, set this thing
to 'Blow'.

[machine whirring]

[intriguing music]

[man panting]

Director, sir.

We've got multiple reports
from a park, sir.

Crop circles and UFO sightings.

Crop circles?

Call ground support.

[both grunting]

That's the last bag.

Dump time.

[both] ♪ Dump... dump♪

-[both] ♪ Dump... dump♪
-[machine whirring]

[sighs] Crop circles again.

Honestly, I don't know
why I obsess

over this alien thing
for so long.

All this time
and we haven't seen one--

[Mordecai and Rigby]
♪ Dump... dump, dump, dump♪

[sobbing] They're real.

[smacks lips]

This... is alien blood.

You sure?

You don't want to
send it to a lab?

[chuckles] I think I know
alien blood when I taste it.

-[phone beeps]
-Director,

we're gonna need aerial backup.

[anticipation building music]

[pleasant music playing]

[grunting]

Gretchen. [chuckles softly]

Sorry I'm late.
The old hog needed a rinse.

No worries.

I like a clean machine.

[jet zooms by]

Whoa!

Geez, looks like
Skips spared no expense

on the entertainment.

Or the burgers.

Here he comes.

Here you go, bruh.

Straight from Lanai
to this guy.

Mahalo.

Benson, your friends
know how to party.

I'm impressed.

[objects clattering]

And goodbye, trash.

[both] Ye-e-yah.

Let's get our butts
to the beach.

-Whoa!
-Cool.

Skips must have called in
a flyover for the party.

Party? Don't you mean...

[both] ♪ Luau! ♪

We have a visual on the target?

[FBI Director]
Well, are they aliens or not?

[both singing]
♪ Luau, luau ♪

Oh, they're definitely aliens.

Initiate first contact.

Uh...

Greetings, alien species.

You lucky little devils
have landed

in the greatest country
on Earth.

America.

We will now share with you

our country's
greatest cultural achievement.

Daryl Hall and John Oates.

[Kiss on My List by Daryl Hall
and John Oates playing]

[Rigby] Dude, what's going on?

No idea. Let's go before
all the burgers get eaten.

Sir, the aliens just
snubbed Hall and Oates.

What? Their brand of blue-eyed
soul defined the 1980s.

Take-them-down!

Roger that, sir.

♪ ...I don't feel the need... ♪

g*ns are a lock. Over.

♪ ...such secrets away... ♪

Are they sh**ting at us?

It feels like
they're sh**ting at us.

♪ ...You think
Maybe I need help... ♪

Whoohoo!

Let's light it up, Fives.

♪ ... I'm just better off♪

♪ Not listening
To friends' advice...♪

m*ssile!

♪ ... When they insist
on knowing my bliss...♪

Mm. Delicious.

I'm gonna hurl.

We gotta lose these guys.

Minty fresh.

Benson, you've got some
pineapple on your face.

-[Rigby screaming]
-Engine down!

♪ ... Your kiss
Is on my list...♪

-Did you get it?
-We're goners!

We're gonna die
on this stupid hovercraft.

[both moaning]

Brace for impact.

[man screaming]

What on earth is that thing?

[crashes]

[squeals]

[grunts]

[whimpering]

Somebody save us!

Special delivery.

[expl*si*n]

Look, aliens!

We got him this time.

[both groaning]

False alarm. It's just
two dudes in weird suits.

[grunts] Darn it!

[cries]

-Gretchen, are you okay?
-[coughing]

I think I dropped my burger.

[Doghouse] Gretchen?

Gretchen Wisendorfer?

Doghouse Jenkins?

In the flesh, baby.

Doghouse, I waited for you
all this time.

-I thought you--
-Died?

I didn't.

Oh, Doghouse.

You're leaving me
for a guy named Doghouse?

[Gretchen moaning in pleasure]

What's that, Benson?

I couldn't hear you.

I was too busy
locking lips with Doghouse.

I said you're leaving me for--

[coughing]

[crashes]

My motorcycle!

I didn't get the insurance.

Well, I hope you guys saved us
some nice big juicy--

You two
better clean up this mess

or you are fired!

Dude, check it out.

[munches]

Totally worth it.

[both chuckling] Yeah.