01x07 - Corpse Flower

[bunniefuu]

[Mordecai beatboxing]

♪ You know I'm all about
That beef with the Swiss ♪

♪ Little gravy drip
D-d-do a double dip ♪

[both] ♪ That's what you call
A double dip tri-tip ♪

♪ My belly's cravin'
Pastrami and hay-um ♪

♪ And... my belly's cravin'
The... brain ♪

Margaret.

-What?
-No offense,

but it's kind of hard
to rap like we do.

We're kind of
on another level.

Who says I'm trying to rap?

Maybe I'm a poet, okay?

Uh, everything okay,
Margaret?

[sighs]

I'm taking
this poetry elective.

I thought it'd be fun,

but poetry is, like,
really hard.

And there's a live reading.

No one said
we'd have to do a reading.

What if my poetry sucks?

It probably will.

-[groans]
-Don't listen to Rigby.

You'll do great.

-Thanks.
-[Eileen panting]

Guys. Guys, guys, guys.

You wanna smell
a deceased bod?

-[all] Huh?
-I just heard

two botanical workers
in the bathroom.

Apparently, the corpse flower
is blooming soon.

-Metal!
-It only blooms

once every few years.

Its signature
"stench of death"

has been on my
smells bucket list

since I was a kid,

along with the perfume
of the bearded iris

and, um, some other smells

that I'm not comfortable
discussing publicly. [chuckles]

That sounds great, Eileen.

When are we doing this?

It's gonna bloom
on Thursday afternoon.

Eileen, don't you remember

what else
is on Thursday afternoon?

Well, of course.
I have it right here.

Uh-um, Urban Foraging Group?

Beatbox improv?

My poetry reading.

You promised you'd go.

[gasps] You're right.

I totally blanked.

It's fine if you wanna go see
the corpse flower instead.

I'll just go
practice more poetry.

[sputters]

I feel terrible.

I don't wanna miss
the corpse flower bloom,

but I don't wanna
let Margaret down, either.

Why? Margaret said
it was fine.

Rigby, she did not think
it was fine.

Well, don't worry.
You can do both.

I give you
my Rig-bona fide guarantee.

Really? How?

Not everything has
a how or a why, Eileen.

They just are.

Like, why does
the corpse flower

smell like a corpse?

Uh, actually, it's a technique
used to attract

their native pollinator,
the flesh fly.

Well, the Rigby guarantee

needs no explanation.
Trust me.

Wow, this is so exciting.

I can't wait.

Dude, how are you gonna
pull this off?

Hmm! Hmm!

I've got a plan.

[worker] Three hot
chicken sandwiches.

One for you, one for me,

and one for Muscle Man
for letting us use his car.

Ugh, they forgot
the napkins.

[splashing]

Looks like we're making
good time, Eileen.

[Eileen] Oh, so detailed.

[Rigby] Right on schedule.

Wow, Rigby. I've never
seen you so organized before.

I'm impressed.

I got a real plan, Eileen.

I'm not just winging it
like I always do.

I just want you
to have your flower

and smell it too.

Mmm, the chicken sandwiches

aren't the only thing
that's hot around here.

-Just cleansing the palate.
-Whoa!

I'm so excited.

I've been
neti-potting all day.

Don't wanna fill up on smells
before the main course.

That makes
perfect sense to me.

According to my plan,

it looks like we'll get there
just in time to see it bloom.

-[ominous music playing]
-Ahhh!

Why hasn't it bloomed?

The corpse flower will bloom
precisely when it's meant to.

But the website said
it started an hour ago.

But who can truly predict
the path of a desert snake,

or the moment
a banana ripens?

It could be a while

before the stench of death
is whiffable.

Well, how long's a while?

Nature doesn't work
in minutes.

Do you think we'll make it
to Margaret's reading in time?

[tense music playing]

Hmm.

Great day for a corpse flower
to bloom, isn't it?

Listen, what's it gonna take

to get this stank stinking,
you know what I'm saying?

[docent laughs]

Nature doesn't work
in bribes, either.

Oh. Eh...

Yellow leather, red leather.
Yellow leather, red leather.

Yellow reather...

-[groans]
-Hey, Margaret.

Sorry I'm early.

Uh, I could come back.

No, you're right on time.

I'm just so nervous,
and it's so hot in here.

Yeah. [chuckles]

It's probably the layers?

I need the layers!
It's for the thing!

-[dongs]
-Find a chair if you dare.

I don't care.

-[exclaims]
-[microphone feedback]

Actually, I care very much.

Please be seated.

This is the worst day
of my life.

Let me make a phone call.

[docent] The flower
is at ten percent bloom.

Ten percent, people.

Wow. So interesting that nature
works in percentages,

but not minutes.

[groans]

-[cell phone ringing]
-Yo.

Dude,
Margaret's freaking out.

She's wedged
between two bookshelves.

Where are you guys?

I'm working on it,

but this stupid flower
is messing with my plan.

Ditch the plan, man.

Do the best you can
with the tools you have.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Now that's poetry,
my brother.

Are you gonna use that?

Margaret's freaking out?

That's not good.

If I have to choose
between a smell and a friend,

I choose the friend.

'Cause you need someone
to tell about the smell... Ugh!

The rhyming is making me
anxious. We should go.

But I made you
a Rig-bona fide guarantee!

And that should be
worth something. [sighs]

But I understand.
Let's go support Margaret.

[docent] I'm taking
a well-deserved break now.

Back in five.

I've got a date
with some tater-tot hot dish.

[compelling music playing]

-[Eileen] You coming?
-I'll meet you in the car.

-[slams]
-[gasps]

What was that?

What was that? So weird.

What's that on your hands?

It's definitely not
potting soil.

Let's get out of here.

-[engine revving]
-[tires screeching]

Doing the best I can
with the tools I have.

And the tools are my pen,
my paper, and my heart.

Ugh, that's not how
I said it.

Thank you, Plapinger,
one of our best.

[whispers] How am I supposed
to follow that up?

Our last reader is...

[dinging]

Margaret Smith.

[groaning]

It's time to come
to the podium.

So please make your way
across the linoleum.

-[continues groaning]
-[chanting] Margaret Smith.

Margaret Smith.

[engine roaring]

Rigby, is everything okay?

It feels like you're driving
kind of fast.

Oh, you're allowed
to drive this speed at night.

-[siren blaring]
-[engine revving]

[groans angrily]

Oh, no.

Are we still gonna make it?

We will.

Just leave it to me.

[tires screech]

[rustling]

-Whew!
-[indistinct radio chatter]

You smell that?

[sniffs]

-Smells like--
-Like a dead body.

[cop 2] Sweet Criminy!

What kind of monster
would do such a thing?

Let's see what kind of sick

slop jockey
we're dealing with.

Hello? Can I help you
with something, Officer?

We're gonna need you
to pop the trunk, sir.

Ooh, I can't do that,
it'll ruin the surprise.

Surprise?

You playing games with us?

Games with you two
are fun, I'm sure,

but we're kind of in a hurry
to a poetry reading.

Poetry reading.

That's a terrible alibi.

Murderers don't even
like poetry!

What?

Rigby, we're gonna miss it.
Just open the trunk.

We know you have
a dead body back there.

-What?
-Open the trunk, son.

[whispering] Dispatch,
we're gonna need backup.

[sputters]

We're free to go
if you say "what."

-What?
-[engine revving]

Hey! They're getting away!

-Yeah, because you said "what."
-What?

He said, "We're free to go
if you say 'What.'"

And you said, "what."

Ugh, dang it!
Well, we gotta go after them.

I don't know. It's almost
the end of our shift.

[groaning]

We have to go after them
if you say "what."

-What?
-Ha!

-[siren blaring]
-[engine roaring]

-[clears throat]
-[microphone feedback]

-Whoo!
-[coughs]

Oh, actually,
that seat is for Eileen.

Yeah, sure.

If "Eileen" shows up,
I "promise" to move.

[laughs nervously]

What does a promise
really mean, anyway?

[gulping]

Rigby, why did
those cops think

we have a dead body
in the trunk?

I'm gonna be real.
The plan is spiraling out.

What do you mean?
Did you do something stupid?

What I did was give you
a Rig-bona fide guarantee

to smell the corpse flower

and go to Margaret's
poetry reading.

Wait, wait, wait.
Does the trunk

smell like a dead body

because you're hiding
a stolen corpse flower in it?

Not stolen! Borrowed!

Why did I let you convince me
with this stupid plan?

-We're gonna make it.
-We're not gonna make it.

We're gonna make it!

We're gonna crash!

[both screaming]

-M is for--
-[crashes]

[screams]

[tires screeching]

[crashes]

-Rigby?
-[groaning]

Rigby? Rigby?

Did you get my sandwiches?

[grunts] Margaret!

Eileen.

I'm so sorry
I missed your reading.

I feel like
such a bad friend.

[chuckles] Actually,
I haven't even gone yet.

If you still want to hear it,
I saved you a seat.

We don't have time to deal
with this chaos right now.

We only have the store
until 8:00,

and we have
one more reader!

Way to go, dude,
you made it.

Just don't let me
fall asleep.

[clears throat]

M is for Margaret.

[rustling]

[clanking]

A is for awesome.

R is for really awesome.

[both gasp]

-[Margaret] G is for great.
-[people gagging]

[gags] My heavens.

A is for amazing.

R is for really,
really awesome.

[inhales]

-[retches]
-[Margaret] E is for excellent.

Ah! Pungent.
Like a sharp cheese.

-[people screaming]
-[teacher] I'm overwhelmed.

And T is for triumph.

[clapping] Beautiful.

Well, I'm not sure
if it was my poem

that cleared
the house or what,

but I don't even
care anymore.

I'm just glad
you guys are here.

Well, thank Rigby.

He gave us
the Rig-bona fide guarantee.

I'm sorry
for doubting you, Rigby.

Though I do feel bad
for the bookstore,

and for the docent
at the botanical garden

who's in for a rude awakening

when she gets back
from her break.

But other than that,
I'm really touched

by how much effort
you put into this.

Well, yeah. That's what
you do for your--

-[intense music playing]
-Freeze!

Wait a second.

Is that a corpse flower?

-Yes.
-Oh, yeah.

I guess they weren't
murderers after all.

Do we have to go to jail
for fleeing that traffic stop?

Well...

We'll call it even if we can
have some of those

-chicken sandos.
-[Muscle Man] No way.

Promise not to chase me
if you say "what"?

[both] What?

-[engine revving]
-[Muscle Man] Whoo-hoo!

-Whoo!
-Hey, get back here!

-[siren blaring]
-[engine revving]

[rattles and crashes]

[theme music playing]